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[sifinspace]

Sif walked into the observation deck and sat on the couch.

Nate beat her repeatedly. She hung her head. The memories she pushed so far down hurt.

Her mind replayed her life over and over. The scars were etched deep, but since Jeff everything got better.

She flipped onto her back and hung her legs off the arm of the couch. She stared at the ceiling and breathed in slowly.

It was going on noon and she still hadn’t seen anyone wandering around the ship.

“EDI, where is everyone?” She asked.

“Shepard has been taken into custody and the rest of the Crew has disbanded. I was told not to worry you. So I kept silent.”

“What do you meant Shepard was taken into custody?”

“He is being court marshaled for his actions during the last year. He will be In custody until further notice.”

“Great, alone again.” She sighed.

“Not completely. Joker is trying to find you.”

Sif paused. Then said, “send him to me please.”

“Yes Sif.”

No sooner than she had asked Joker walked in.

“Look, I’m sorry.” He started.

“No.” She slowly got up, and walked over to him. His eyes filled with fear and his frame sunken in.

Sif took his hand and placed it on her hip. She walked into him, and wrapped his other one around her.

“What are you doing?” He asked, as she got ever closer.

“I - I can’t change the past. No one can pay for what they’ve done. Let’s, let’s just go forward.” She said laying her head on his shoulder.

“You, still want me?”

“More than ever.” She whispered.

Jeff didn’t know how to respond. He tilted her head to ward him, and rested their foreheads on one another’s.

“I love you Sif. I always have. I regret not telling you everything sooner.”

“I have always loved you Jeff. Now let me be your wife like I’ve always wanted to be.”

He pulled her face close to his and he did what he had waited years to do.

He kissed her.

His beard was scratchy on her smooth skin, but ever so welcoming. Jeff’s lips were soft and yet firm, and she melted into them. He wrapped his arms around her as firmly as he could without hurting himself, or her for that matter.

“I’m sorry this took so long.” He quietly whispered in her ear. “I was afraid. Afraid of what could be. Afraid of what couldn’t.”

Jeff pushed Sif’s neck tot he side.

She moaned as he kissed her. He bit right above her collar bone. She ached.

“You’re what I have always wanted.” She said as she moved closer to him. His breath quickening and his arms trembling. He moved away.

“Sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t. You just made me want more.” She smiled and pushed her forehead into Jokers.

“I love you. Why do you think I told you we should get married? For all the reasons we did, I never wanted to have to give you up. I loved you from the moment you decided you wanted to spend the evening sitting in the bleachers watching your friends play soccer with me instead of joining them. All those years ago.”

Sif had never thought about that. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because I wanted you to know you could have an out. I can’t give you the life you want.”

“You’ve been the life I want, but now I can have you all if you. That was the only missing piece..” She kissed him again. His breath sweet to her bitter soul.

Sif closed her eyes, and let herself sink into this man, who wanted nothing but the best for her.

His lips tasted rich and heavy, just as she imagined them. She loved the feel of his stubble on her face, and his hands on her hips.

Slowly they started to move lower, and lower, until he was wrapping his arms around her back side.

“I love you Sif, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He whispered into her ear. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted, but never let myself have.”

“I’m all yours Jeff, all of me. I’m yours.” She gasped as he bit her neck. “Don’t push me away again.”

He couldn’t resist, she was the softest and most beautifully broken woman he’d ever known. She wanted nothing but love. He was ready to give it to her.

“Never.” He reached into his pocket, and pulled out the small green box. “Wear both rings for me?”

He slipped the more ornate band onto her finger.

“Forever.”

“Come on Mrs. Moreau let’s go back to our cabin, I want to love you where no one is watching.” He said.

Sif blushed, they walked to their cabin, and the doors closed behind them.

——————

“How do you want to handle people knowing?” Sif asked him. She was laying in her side, with her ratty tshirt on.

Joker traced the outline of her left and her hip with his finger. Then pulled her closer and kissed her.

“Let them figure it out. Might be fun to watch them scratch their heads.” He grinned.

Sif smiled, she finally had what she always wanted. Their night of passion was tender and somehow enjoyably firm. Very firm. Joker wasn’t afraid to break a bone for her, and he certainly gave her his all last night.

“You know one great perk of this whole thing? I finally can sleep naked beside you.”

“Yea you can, but I’m probably going to touch you.”

A pleasurable shiver crawled through her, “I can’t wait.”

“Are you sure you enjoyed yourself?” He asked.

Sif moved closer to him and laid her hand on his cheek. “Best night I’ve ever had. For someone who’s never done that before you certainly knew your way around.” She kissed him.

“Well, when you’ve been alone as long as I have…. You know I’m not going to finish that sentence.” He grinned and kissed her.

“So now what?”

“We’ll probably be reassigned or something, hopefully they don’t take too long.” He reassured her.

“Well, maybe they’ll give us some shore leave, I’ve got a man who needs to be broken in, and I really would like to spend a few days in bed with him.”

He blushed.

——-

The couple had been contacted by alliance Admiral Hackett. Usually they’d never be in touch with someone who was so high ranking, but Hackett knew they were the two he could count on.

They were told they’d be helping the alliance go through the ship. Joker had explained that because EDI only responds to he and Sif, they needed to be the ones who were to come on board to help the crew.

Hackett didn’t blink twice, he approved his request and had the pair of them be assigned to being what was Sif referred to as ‘caretakers’.

Numerous times they tried to get in touch with Shepard, but he was completely cut off from everyone . They would t allow him even the courtesy of a phone call.

The alliance really didn’t trust Cerberus, they thought he was a plant, to steal all of the secrets. They could t be farther from the truth.

Meanwhile Sif and Joker had been given a bit of shore leave, and good to her word, they spent it together in bed, loving each other and making up for lost time.

Sif had never been happier. Joker smiled a lot more, and he was far more soft that even Sif realized. He was a romantic, and would often bring her home small gifts that meant nothing to anyone, but reminded him of her.

They had tried to contact his family in Tiptree to see if they could visit, but were told that it was currently impossible with the military force there.

Joker was sure his parents were safe, he said they knew to run when things got bad.

One afternoon while they were working on the Normandy, Sif got a extranet mail from Captain Anderson.

“Get to earth now. I’ll send you coordinates.”

Was all the message said. Sif and Joker looked at each other and decided it was time.

EDI locked the doors and overrode all the systems keeping them grounded.

They had just stolen the Normandy.

———-

“I really hope Andersons got our back on this one.” Joker laughed.

“If he doesn’t, I’ll plead insantity.” Sif grinned.

“I will say the AI became unshackled and forced this to happen. Don’t worry, I’d never let anything happen to my favourite pilots.” EDI responded.

“You’re a great …. Person?” Joker told her.

“Thank you Mr.Moreau.”

They flew the ship into the earths atmosphere and as they approached the coordinates, they saw what looked like a full blown war.

“They are here.” Sif gasped, “the reapers. I thought Shepard stopped this?”

“He delayed it, that’s all.”

Sif couldn’t believe what she was seeing. There was chaos. There was shooting. And in the midst of it all, she could see two people running along the roof tops.

“That must be them.” Sif pointed.

“Going in.”

Joker got the SR2 as close as he could. Shepard jumped aboard with Ash and James who had hopped a ride to the location point.

Anderson stood grounded, and wouldn’t move.

“Come on! We have to go!” Joker shouted into the coms.

“Get us out of here.” Shepard called back.

“Aye.”

They took off out of orbit, to get away from the reapers and to figure out their next move.

The beginning of the end was here.

[sifinspace]

‘I’m a moron.’ Joker thought to himself as he made his way back to the Normandy. He could have said it right there, but he didn’t. ‘Why do you care!’ He should have told her.

Joker walked into his cabin and took his boots off. He took a shower and laid in bed. Nothing unusual. He decided he was going to sleep incase she came back and kicked him out of their cabin for being an ass.

His eyes drifted, and when he shook himself away, it was nearly 3am.

He rolled over to check if she was back.

The bed was empty.

“Shit.” He sighed.

Joker put on some sweats and a shirt. He got out of bed and made his way down to the chow hall.

“EDI, anyone on board?” He asked.

“All are accounted for.”

“Where is…” he hesitated. Did he want to know if she had gone to bed with him? He had to know. “Where is Sif?”

“She is with Commander Shepard in the Observation Deck.”

“Thanks”

Joker made his way to the bay, and stopped short of the door trigger. He took a deep breath and stepped forward.

The door slid open, and there laying on one of the couches was Shepard. ‘Huh not who I expected.’

“So, you decided to have fun after all.” Sif said from behind the bar.

“You’re supposed to be the one that’s passed out and Shepard sober.” He said caught off guard.

“Oh I’m feeling it Jeff. I was just getting some water. We just go back - Shep just passed out.” She giggled.

“He’ll be fine.” Joker said.

“Yea, it was a great night! Jack is gonna take care of him now. She told me I could go to bed.” She swayed to the left.

“I’ll help you. You don’t look stable.”

Joker reached out and took Sifs hand. He led her slowly back to their cabin. Each step she took was painful but it was filled by her slight inebriation.

He helped her put on her oversized Tshirt and carefully helped her wash her face and neck. Her bruises not relenting and turning even a deeper colour of purple.

Joker opened up her bedside and she crawled in. Her legs moved in unison and her eyes opened and closed slowly.

He crawled in beside her.

“You thought I was in bed with him didn’t you?” She said quietly.

“Yea.” He said relieved.

“Yea, trust me, I wanted that more than anything, but he’s not you.” She said slowly, and rolled towards him. Laying her head next to his shoulder. “Apparently I have a thing for men who are completely closed off. It’s a gift.”

“Go to sleep.” He said kissing her forehead.

“Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Come on, easy question. Do you really love me?”

Joker slowly put his arm around her waist and brought her in gently. She never rushed him, and always went his pace.

“Go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Only if you do do too.”

Joker laid next to her, and she cuddled up beside him.

He laid there for hours with Sif tightly to him. The warmth of her body and scent of her skin made his heart race in his chest. She put her arm over top of his chest and her hand laid gently down on his heart.

‘Be mine.’ He thought as he finally slipped off into his dreams.

What felt like moments later, Joker awoke. Sif was still laying next to him. It was 11am.

“I’m glad we don’t have to be anywhere in particular.” She said as she scooted closer to him.

“Yea, how hung over are you?”

“I’m not - I made sure to match drink for drink with water. I wanted to remember what you’re about to tell me.”

He bolted up. “Tell you what?”

“Why me being with the Commander bother you.” She said flatly.

Joker stood and walked to his clothes that were folded on the chair. “It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. I was busting an ass.”

Sif got out of the bed and walked over to him. She put both of her hands squarely on his shoulders that were facing her.

“We are married. We are bound on an agreement.” She paused “Do you really think that’s why I married you?” She looked into his eyes.

“Well yea.” He said trying to read her face.

“Bullshit. You knew how I felt years before we made that agreement. Are you so thick to think anything had changed?” She backed away. “I have continued to fall in love with you since the day I met you. You’re the only man in my life I want to sleep with, even though pleasure overrides my brain, in all the opportunities I get it always comes down to this: they aren’t you. You Jeff, you. So I’m laying it out there. I don’t want us. I need us. I need you, in the morning, in the evening. I need you to know that for as much of an asshole you are, I love you with every fiber of my soul, and I’ll damn well make sure you know that - so when I finally get closure because you’re too afraid to love me, I can be with someone who just might reciprocate the feelings I have for them.”

He looked down and grabbed her hands. They were cold. He played with them for a minute then spoke.

“I have a problem with you and Shepard because I - I…”his voice trailed.

“You?” She prompted him.

“I don’t trust him. Remember Ash? Left her. Remember Kelly? Dead. Miranda? Hesrtbroken. I can’t have that happen to you. He’s a great guy sure, but if that’s his record, I don’t want you to be next.” He hung his head.

“What?” She was confused - why was he avoiding this, she was growing impatient. Then he spoke.

“I want you Sif. I want you to live. I want you to keep this life going with me. I don’t want it to change.”

“You want us to continue in this sham, to never love each other and to basically feel guilty for maybe finding someone who can?”

“I never said I didn’t love you.” Joker stopped and realized what he had said.

Sif stood there looking at him. Trying to search for feeling.

“Look - yes. I - I love you.” He sighed and turned away from her. “I love you more than I have ever thought possible. You’re the reason I try. You’re the reason I wake up. You’re the reason I didn’t follow through with my suicide attempt in flight school.”

She ran her hands over his shoulders, and turned him to face her. She felt his strong arms she slept in most nights. She smiled and rested her forehead head on his chest.

He wrapped her in his arms.

“Do you know how many nights I laid awake thinking of the ways to make love to you? Thinking of how I could be the one man who treated you as you should be for the eternities of your life? Pushing down feelings I had so you could find someone who could too the things you needed them to, to give you the perfect life? I love you, so much that I suggested we get married. I just didn’t want you to feel trapped to a sickly man, who can’t open up. It’s taken me nearly 10 years to get this far. I want to love you like you’ve never experienced. I want to be your husband, to be your lover, to be your best friend. I want you.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Hey eyes glossy.

“You deserve better. You don’t need me slowing you down in life.”

“Slowing me down? Please. I’d drag you. You think when I agreed to marry you, I cared about your illness?”

“Most do. It’s why I never go out on dates.”

“That and you’re a huge asshole.”

“Well yea.”

“I have never cared about your disease. I cared about being with you, and sticking up for you, and helping you when you’d break a bone.”

“I’m fragile Sif.”

“Well at least if you ever hit me you’d hurt yourself more than you’d hurt me.” She grinned.

“No. Don’t ever say that.”

“What?”

“I would never - ever treat you like that. Nate deserved what he got in the end. Every-time you’d come over, I’d beg myself to convince you to leave. He hurt you so bad.”

“I wish you had.” She kissed his cheek. Her heart knotted. “The memory hurts.”

Joker let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I screwed this up too.”

Sif backed away. “No it’s okay, I just need a moment to collect my thoughts.” She walked toward the door of the cabin.

“You’re leaving?”

“I just need a few minutes.” She smiled and walked out the door.

—-

“EDI where did Sif go?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Come on is she on the ship?”

“Yes.”

“Fine - thanks.” Joker rubbed his eyes. “I’m just a dick.”

“Yes.”

“EDI leave.”

Joker sat in his chair wondering how he could clean up his word vomit.

[sifinspace]

Sif woke up when the cabin door shut. Jeff was sitting in the bed next to her. 

“Hey.” She said groggily.

“Sif.” He moved closer to her, and helped her sit up. “Here take these, Chakwas gave them to me for you. She said you’d need them.”

Sif took the pills and closed her eyes.

“I want to sleep but I feel disgusting. Can you help me to the bathroom so I can shower?” She asked Ina tired voice.

“Anything you want.”

“I want you.” She mumbled quietly.

He grinned, and took her hand to help her.

“I’m all yours, now what?”

“Help me get undressed please. I can’t move my arms enough to do it for myself.”

Sif sat on the closed toilet lid. She pulled her hair from the back of her shirt and unzipped her jacket. Jeff didn’t know where to start.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, she could see his hesitation.

“In all the years we’ve been what we are, I’ve never touched you like this. Let alone seen you naked.” He responded.

Sif let her lips form a small grin.

“It’s okay, really. It was bound to happen at some point. This wasn’t what I had in mind though.”

Jeff tried not to make eye contact as a smile grew on his face. He slowly helped her take her jacket off, and then helped her stand. He undid her belt and helped her take off her trousers and socks. Once he had that taken care of she slipped her shirt over her head. She stood in front of him, bruised and discolored. 

Jeff winced and tenderly traced his finger over her bruises. Her skin turned into goosebumps under his touch.

Sif slowly walked to the shower and turned to him, “Thank you.”

She walked into the wall of steam.

Jeff stood there with his mouth open. Even being as broke as she was, she was the most gorgeous creature he’d ever laid eyes on.

“Anything else I can do for you?” He asked with a choked voice. 

“Can you..” she hesitated.

“What do you need?” 

“Can you help me wash my hair and back?” 

Jeff took a deep breath, ‘it’s okay, she needs help. This isn’t sexual. “Of course.”

Jeff walked over to the shower and reached in. For being a small bathroom the shower was a surprisingly roomy. He took off his shoes and walked in behind her. She was facing the hot water.

Her hair was draped down her back in a giant tangle of grit and ash. He moved her hair, and

examined her back. It was purple where she was laying on it while waiting for the rescue. EDI had filled him in. 

He used both hands to stabilize her, and then rested his forehead on her back. 

“I was so worried about you.” He whispered. “You’re all I have you know.”

Jeff took the soap and rubbed her back with it, he was being gentle but this was also his first time touching a woman. He never got to do that. He’d rather let the vids do the work. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

He washed her back, and moved to her shoulders, then waist and her legs. He bent down and washed her feet too. He took the shampoo she had used for the last 6 years, and washed her hair for her making sure to work it into her dirt caked scalp. 

“I was worried about you too.” She finally said. Her arms supporting her against the stall so she wouldn’t fall. “When we lost coms I got scared.”

“Me too. I thought I’d never see you again.”

Sif slowly turned around to face him, her eye lids started to become heavy. “Jeff-l - I… thank you.”

Jeff couldn’t help himself. He stared at this wet, naked woman standing in front of him. Her dirty blond hair pushed back and her bruised covered her body like a piece of abstract art.

Her shoulders were wide, build for a fight, and her hips perfectly positioned for someone who would never be knocked around. She used to joke that she was build like a Korgan, but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. She was built like a female warrior from ancient mythology. 

‘Goddess Sif- Strong and absolute- with breasts that I never thought women could have without work. Her name really is fitting.’ He thought. They were completely proportionate to her body and for Jeff that was blissful.

Sif opened her eyes and saw him staring.

“Why are you wearing your uniform?”

“Huh?” He said, completely lost in his thoughts of her.

“Your uniform, I expected you in here but not fully dressed.” She grinned. “Here.” She slowly worked his shirt up to his neck. He then tugged on it and took it off. She reached down and undid his belt. His soaked pants fell to the floor. 

“Jeff, you know I see you half naked all the time, but you never disappoint me.” She bit her lip.

Jeff didn’t know what he was doing, but somehow his arm wrapped around her body and was pulling them closer together. The warm water enveloped them. 

Before he could figure out what was going on, he had her naked body wrapped in both his arms.

Her head was under his chin, and she had her lips pressed gently on his collarbone.

“I would have died without you.” He whispered into her ear. He held her closer to him and tighter. “I will always rescue you.”

“You’re hurting my ribs.” She said quietly, not truly wanting the moment to pass. His strong torso pressed against her breasts felt heavenly to her. She had waited years for that. His arms sturdy, so unlike how he felt everyday.

“I’m so sorry.” He released her. “Come on let’s get you dried off and in bed. Anything else while you’re in here?”

“Kiss me.” Her words clear and bold. The water running down her face, her eyes large with anticipation.

He tried to read what was going on in her head, he didn’t have to turn the page far, she loved him. She loved all of him.

“I’m not worth it Sif. Come on, let’s get you dried off.”

The shower water hid the tears she started to cry.

———-

Joker dried her off, laid her down in bed and then crawled in next to her like he had done for years, but tonight it was different. 

She was wearing an her nearly transparent shirt, and a pair of shorts he was pretty sure she got when they were in basic training.

Jeff laid on his back, as she turned her head over to face him, she crawled closer.

“I wouldn’t have let you die Jeff, I made sure you wouldn’t get out of this marriage so easy.” She smiled.

“Sif, I never have worried so much in my life about someone.” He moved closer to her. Their noses touched gently.

“Can I sleep on you tonight, it makes me feel safe and …” She 5trailed off.

“And?”

“Loved.”

He put his arm around her and pulled her in tight. He kissed the top of her head like he always did, but this time, he knew she’d remember him doing it.

“You are loved. I love you.” He whispered.

That’s all she needed to hear. Sif closed her eyes smiled while listened to Jeff’s breathing.

“You’re the only one I thought about while I was mostly dead.”

He grinned as she drifted off into her dreams.

———

It was time. Shepard was down in the Collector base again and the pilots were ready.

Jeff looked at Sif sitting next to him at the helm.

“You ready?” He asked.

“Always. Let’s rock this.”

“Look if  - if we don’t make it for whatever reason just know, I - .” He was cut off by the com.

“Joker, Sif prepare for go.” Shepards voice buzzed over it.

A wave of relief overcame her. She’d be waiting for years to hear him say anything in resemblance of feelings, but it wasn’t the time. 

“Aye - prepare for extraction.” He confirmed.

The pair maneuvered the SR2 and Waited for the shuttle to embark. As soon as they were aboard, Sif gave the word.

“Good to go Shep.” 

“Get us out of here. I’ve set the base to blow.”

Joker laid on the controls and turned them away. As he did, the glow from the blast behind them propelled the SR2 forward.

“Couldn’t have waited another minute hey Commander?” Joker called through the com.

“No time. Take us to the Citadel.” 

Joker did as he was told. He put it into hyper drive and back through the old relay. Sif let out a heavy sigh.

“You good?” He asked her.

“Yea, just really sore.” She pulled her collar away from her neck and examined the bruise that was creeping up her chest.

“Maybe you should go lay down.” He suggested.

“Yea, I’m going to see if Chakwas can help me out. I feel as if the sleep did nothing for me yesterday.” 

“Let me know when you’re high. You’re always fun to mess with when you are.” Joker said as Sif slowly got out of her seat.

“Thanks, I’ll be in med bay.”

Joker grinned to himself. They just saved Shepard again, then saved the Mass Relay, again, they were alive. Again.

He wasn’t one to celebrate, but he felt like he should. Cerberus was a pain in his ass, but he was happy he got to fly for Shepard again. Joker flipped a few more switches in his console.

“The Citadel is another 4hours away Joker, if you want to leave the ship in my control, you can go check on your friend.” EDI told him.

“She’ll be okay, she’s tough.”

“I know it is none of my business, but from what Commander Shepard told you, he said you need to work for her.”

“You listened to that conversation?”

“I listen to all conversations. I’m everywhere. A ha-ha” she joked.

“Now the AI is making jokes. Great.” He took his cap off and ran his hands through his thick hair.

Footsteps on the ships grated floor walked up behind him.

“Good job Joker. We couldn’t have done that without you and - wait, where is she?” Shepard asked.

“She’s down in med bay. She’s feeling it. You should see her body Commander, she shouldn’t have been allowed to leave yesterday.”

“That bad eh?”

“She looks like the Andromeda galaxy.” Joker grinned.

“Once we get back to the Citadel, I’m taking her out like I promised.” Shepard said bluntly.

“What?” 

“I’m still going to take her out.” Shepard cocked his head to the side.“Is that a problem?”

“Well considering what you told me the other day, yea I’d say so.” 

“So, go do something about it then.”

“Yea yea I will, in 4 hours.” 

“It’s that attitude that’s going to make you loose her.” Shepard said and left. 

‘Shit’ He said to himself and rubbed his face.

——

Sif walked into med bay, and saw Dr. Chakwas sitting at her computer. 

“My girl, are you alright?” 

“I’m in so much pain Doctor. Everything hurts. I can’t get any relief.”

“Here.” She handed Sif some pills and administered her an injection. “This should help. You’re no longer needed on the bridge, go fall asleep, and I’ll send someone to check in on you in a bit.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” She managed a smile.

———

Sif made her way back to her cabin, and opened the door. She saw her clothes in the floor from the night before, and the shirt Jeff helped her put on.

She sat on the edge of the bed. The injection she received made her feel light headed, and invincible. She looked at the pills in her hand, then took them without hesitation.

She sat there a moment, taking in what was going on around her.

They had defeated the Collectors. Shepard and crew were all back on board. They didn’t loose anyone. Everyone for once lived. She rolled her head from one side to another then slowly stood.

She undid her uniform pants and shirt. Then walked to the bathroom. In the mirror she saw a women she was t sure she knew. Scared, bruised. Her lip cracked.

“What a mess.” She said to herself.

“I think you’re gorgeous.” A voice said.

Sif looked over by the door. “Shepard, sorry, I mean commander.” She realized how disheveled she looked.

The Commander walked over and handed her the robe next to the bed. She put it on hastily.

“Thanks, I didn’t expect you.”

“I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Me? I’m high. I’m fine. I’m going to wash up then sleep till we hit the Citadel.”

“Good, I still want to take you out.”

“Seriously? Have you looked at me?”

“I have, and it doesn’t matter. Why should it?” He said. Caressing her chin.

“Because I’m a mess. You need to celebrate this victory with someone who will make you look good on the cover of some vid. Lake Liara she’s stunning.”

Shepard laughed. “I could, but this time I chose you.”

Sif blushed. “You still want to take me out, even though I told you about Jeff? What makes me so damn special?.”

“It’s … hard to explain. So, unless he stops us from walking out the airlock, yes.”

She grinned. “Then I definitely should rest, so I can at least look half alive.”

“Deal.” Shepard moved closer to her and kissed her purple cheek. He left.

Sif looked at herself in the mirror again. She washed her face, and the pills had started to kick in. She slowly made her way to the bed and laid down. 

“Sif you alive in there?” Jeff’s voice came over the Com.

“Yea, maybe? I think so. No. Absolutely not.”

“Sif are you okay?” 

“I’m…. Definitely high.” She snorted.

“I’ll be there in a minute. Out.” He said shortly.

——- 

Jeff sat next to Sif and brushed the hair out of her eyes. She was finally sleeping, or passed out. He couldn’t tell. She was how she always looked when he’d spy her at night. Laying next to him, covered in a mess of blankets, always using two pillows. He smiled.

Sif rolled to one side, and Jeff crawled in behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closely.

“You know, I’m the one people usually have to handle with care. It’s kinda nice I get to treat someone that way.” He whispered in her ear.

Sif moved back closer into him. Her hair in his nose, smelled fresh. He flicked it over her shoulder and could see a bruise on her neck. It was awful.

“Jeff?” A tired voice asked.

“Yea?” 

“Oh good, I was afraid I crawled into the wrong cabin.”

“Are you still high?” 

“I’m sure you told me you loved me, so yes.”

He smiled, “I did tell you that, yesterday. What the hell did Chakwas give you?”

“No idea.” She grabbed his hand. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

“I wanted to make sure you were alive.”

“Shepard came to see me too. He still wants to take this ugly body out.” She joked groggily. Her eyes were closed, and her words were slow.

“What if-.” He paused.  “What if I wanted to take you out?”

“You’ve had the chance, why now?”

“I want you for myself. No I don’t want you. I need you that’s why I kept pushing you away. I wanted it so bad, but with who I am. I can’t..” he stopped. He looked at her, as if to read her mind. 

She was out cold. He laid his heart open and she fell asleep.

He wasn’t mad, he was relieved. He wanted her to Remember he asked her.

Jeff leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Sleep tight babe.”

He said quietly as he pulled her closer to him and rested his eyes.

———

Sif woke up and blinked hard. One her eyes clear, she looked out her window. Grey and metal. They must have arrived at the Citadel. She checked the time on the night stand, 7pm.

.

“Yea but what day?” She wondered.

As she slowly pulled herself up from laying down, she realized that her cabin was quiet and she was sore. No noise coming from the engines, no crackling over the com. It was peaceful.

She carefully stood and walked to the mirror in her bathroom and brushed her teeth. She washed her face gently then sifted through some clothes to find something appropriate to wear.

“EDI?”

“Yes?”

“Where is everyone?”

“They have all disembarked and are on shore leave right now. You have been asleep for 5 hours.”

“Whatever Chakwas gave me did the trick I guess.”

“Joker is still on the ship. I have alerted him to your waking up.”

“Thank.- out.”

Sif slipped on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She looked like a civilian and was looking forward to finding a strong drink.

As she headed for the cabin door, Jeff walked in.

“Sif you’re up! It’s been so quiet without you.” He said.

“See if I didn’t come back you would have missed me!”

“Obviously.” Joker smiled. “So how are you feeling?”

“The same, but the sleep was so nice. I - I have to admit you make a great body pillow.” She blushed.

“Best way not to break any bones.” He responded. “Come on though I was told when you’re awake to meet everyone

at the best restaurant on the Citadel. We are all going to celebrate!”

“I look horrible, can’t you go without me? I didn’t do anything helpful.”

“I know I’m the big deal pilot, but you’re part of the team. Come on.”

Joker grabbed her hand and gently tugged her to follow him. Once they got to the finest eatery on the Citadel, Sif stopped.

“I can’t go in looking like this.” She stated down at her overly casual attire.

“Yes you can.” He pulled her forward again. “You make anything look great.”

Everyone was there sitting around the table.

“She’s alive!” Grunt Cheered

“We knew you’d join us at some point” Miranda smirked, “hopefully you can hold your liquor too.”

Shepard stood up and pulled a chair out for Sif. It had

a pillow on it.

She laughed. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“My pleasure. Now!” He grabbed his glass. “A toast to those who have fallen and to those who remain. We couldn’t have done it without each other.”

“Here here!” Kus ami shouted!

“To calibrating guns!” Harris shouted.

“And kicking asses!” Jack added.

“To an amazing team.” Shepard concluded.

While everyone ate and drank till their hearts were content, Sif sat there an observed what was going on around her. Jeff was being informed by Tali of her pilgrimage, Miranda and Jacob were discussing analytics.

Sif kept drinking her wine and her heart kept getting more and more light. Shepard leaned over to her.

“Wanna dance?” He asked quietly.

“Dance? With all these people around?”

“Just one. I want to prove to you - that Joker wants you.”

“If he doesn’t?”

“Then you’re coming back to my cabin tonight.” He said kissing her cheek.

Her heart fluttered.

“Alright Commander lead the way.”

Sif followed Shepard into the makeshift dance floor the restaurant had set up. A few others followed. Shepard requested a slow song be played, then pulled Sif in gently so her body was pressed against his.

Her heart raced. It was all she had wanted.

Closeness.

He gently moved her in time with the music, and her aching body followed. They didn’t move fast, but they moved rhythmically.

“See his reaction.” He whispered into her ear. “There’s your proof.”

Shepard turned Sif around so she could watch Joker. She made eye contact with him and grinned. He did not. He stood up and walked out.

“Now what?” She asked. “He left-I’m going to go check on him.”

“Good idea.” Shepard said leading her to the door. “It’s going to be fine.”

Sif walked out the door and looked to her left. Where was he? “Jeff!” She shouted. “Jeff!”

“What?”

“Oh good you didn’t leave, you can’t leave me alone! I’m broken.”

“I just needed to get out of there. It’s tough seeing - well seeing everyone dance and stuff when you can’t.” He hung his head.

“Cant or wont?”

“Wont. The only person I’d like to dance with, is currently being slobbered over.”

“Jack? Grunt doesn’t slobber!”

“Not her you idiot, you!”

“Me? No one is slobbering over me.”

“You obviously are blind or confused. Shepard is trying his damndest to make sure he’s taking you back to his cabin tonight.”

“Why should it bother you?” Sif started to become irritated.

“It just, it does okay?”

“Come on. Tell me. Why.”

“Not here. When you make your way back to the Normandy, come find me.” He turned and started to walk away.

Sif didn’t even respond. She walked back into the restaurant with music playing. She was greeted by Shepard.

“I should go, sorry. I’m just, he put me in a bad mood.” She put her under on Shepards arm.

He grabbed her hand.

“It’s okay, Joker seems complicated.”

“Yea.” Sif paused and hung her head.

Shepard wrapped her in his arms and held her tight. She loved the feeling of being secure and safe. She never had that, and this was where she wanted to be.

“One more dance? A few more drinks?” Shepard asked softly.

“If you can get me wasted and home safe, I’d be grateful.” She smiled.

“Then let’s do this.”

Shepard took Sif back to festivities and they drank the evening away.

[sifinspace]

“So you actually said I could go?” Sif teased.

“Of course. I can handle the ship for a couple hours.” Joker said. 

“Great. I just need a night away. It’s felt like an eternity since I’ve done anything fun.” She paused and looked at him. “I think the last time I had a good time was when we were on Tiptree together.”

“That’s sad, you need to get out more.” 

“I would, but then who would take care of you?” She laughed.

“Are you sure though? Shepard, you know his track record?” Joker tried to feel her out.

“I mean, yea, but Jeff, I just, I need to feel special. To someone. It’s been so long.” She pleaded.

“You’re special to me you know.”

“So you say, but not in the way I’m special to Shepard.”

“But why the Commander, you could do so much better.” 

“Seriously? You want to take me out instead?”

“I never said I was better than Shepard.”

“I asked you a question.”

“No. We talked about this a long time ago. Go have fun. Just don’t come crying to me when he hurts you.” Joker mumbled.

“You say that as if it’s going to happen.”

“Well, when hasn’t it?”

“Alright - it’s fine. I can handle it on my own. Like always.“ she said, laying down in bed.

Joker sat down next to her, and hung his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole.”

“Yea well, I’m used to it.” She said rolling away from him. “Your pre-apology really is useful.”

Joker laid down next to her and turned her back to face him. “I just don’t want to see you hurt. Ever.”

He was inches from her face. His eyes meant what he said. Sif crawled up next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

“I know. I’ll be okay, you have to stop worrying. I can kick Sheps ass anyway if I wanted to.” She smiled.

“Yea thats not the point. I just worry. We’ve been friends a very long time, and ever since Nate, then Kaiden, I just hate seeing you in pain again.” 

Sif hadn’t thought about Nate in years. Kaiden she thought about more often.

Her heart ached. “Yea I guess that’s true.”

Joker wrapped his other arm around Sif like he did when he’d say something that would hurt her. He did

it all too often. A coping mechanism for his insecurity. “Just don’t, make regrets.” 

“Only memories.” She said as she laid quietly next to him. Her smooth legs running under her blanket, and his chest slowly going up and down. She put her hand on his heart. 

“Well It still beats.” She laughed. “You can say nice things.”

“So long as it beats, I’ll protect you as best I can.” 

Since the Kaiden died, Joker came to bed more often, he also started to hold her close every night since then. His way of saying ‘it will be alright’.

She was happy.

——-

Everyone had disembarked the ship for the mission. Joker sat in the cockpit waiting further instructions.

Nothing. Radio silence.

“Sif -“ he shouted over the com. “Sif!”

“What?!” 

“We’ve got company.”

“Shit, get out of there!” She yelled.

“You too - make your way to the helm

.” 

Silence.

Joker watched helplessly on his screen his ship being boarded by Collectors.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” He tossed his head back .

“Joker - you need to crawl through the vents to access the system override. If not, hope may be lost.” EDI buzzed.

“I’m not going to let you

out. That would be chaos.”

“Then you will die. Give me full control of the ship. I can save it.

“Shit shit shit!” Joker got up and started down to the

vents. .His body limping and the speed hard to keep up.

He made his way to the Main frame. “Don’t let me down EDI.”

He activated the override protocol.

“Did it work? Can you see Sif?”

“Sorry joker she was taken off the ship. There are no life forms on board other than yours.” EDI said. “Prepare for vac locks open.”

Joker put on his head gear and strapped himself down. The rush of air whirling past his head and the providing of regret as he realized his friend was gone.

——

“They took everyone?” Shepard questioned.

“Everyone  - the collectors have returned to their ship.” EDI said. “I was able to track them - you need to go after them.”

“Obviously. Joker, fly us in close. No way I’m letting those bastards steal our crew.”

Joker looked backwards toward Shepard. “Get her back.”

Shepard nodded. 

——-

Shepard ran around the corner of the escaping

ship.

Pods, so many pods, on this small ship. The collectors had a plan.

“How the hell am I going to find my crew with all these things?” He thought.

“The probability of finding anyone is 1 in” 

“EDI just don’t tell me the odds. Start scanning for life forms.”

Shepard, Tali and Grunt scanned the pods. 

“This is hopeless!” Grunt shouted.

“Without hope, you give up on the future.” Tali said.

“It doesn’t matter, we have the fighters let’s forget

about the rest.” Grunt ordered.

“Grunt, the crew is my clan. Would you give up your clan!?” Shepard said forcefully as he got in his face.

“No, I suppose not.” He backed down.

“Look!” Tali pointed to a pod that

was moving. 

The three of them walked up to a pod and sliced it open. Out fell Dr. Chakwas.

“Thank heavens you showed up.” She said getting to her feet. “I’m alright I’m alright. But you need to get the rest of us that are still alive.”

“Where are they?” Shepard asked.

“Around the corner, there’s a pile of bodies. Thats where I was brought in from.”

“Hold tight, we’re going to get you out of here in a minute. Have you seen Our co-pilot?”

“Sif? No. I just know they took everyone else through that corridor.”

Shepard, Grunt and Tali ran to the corner. As soon as they turned they saw it. A pile of bodies. Half unrecognizable. Tali bent down and took the tags off of one of the corpses.

“Mess Sargent Gardner.” She said sadly.

“Shit.” Shepard’s own heart stopped in his chest. “Anyone else in there?”

Tali ran her Omni tool over the pile of unrecognizable corpses.

“There are vital signs. You must dig.” EDI said.

“ Grunt let’s go!” They dug through the pile of charred remains. 

One after one they checked the tags, and took the ones they knew. They’d honor them when they had the chance. They kept digging, and as they moved the last body, they were greeted by a surge of biotic power that blew all three of them back.

“What the hell?” Grunt moaned as he got up.

Shepard walked over and reached down. He felt something different.

“This is it!” He pulled out a pale body. Not one that had been burned, but it had been so badly bruised you’d never know otherwise.

“Sif!” Shepard laid her down gently and started to scan her with his Omni tool.

“Her vital signs are weak, but she’s alive. Get her back to the Normandy and I’ll run a full diagnosis.” EDI said.

For the first time since hitting that ship, Shepard felt a sense of relief. “EDI, tell Joker we have her.”

“I took the liberty already. Joker will meet her in the med lab.”

Tali gently held Sifs hand as Shepard carried her back to th e transport. 

“She’s a special woman to all of us. I had no idea she had biotic powers.” Tali said thoughtfully.

“Sif is a private person. As much as she is, I don’t think anyone but Joker actually knows her.” Shepard said.

“I like a good surprise!” Grunt laughed.

Shepard smiled and loaded Sif into the transport.

————

“Joker, Sif has been transported to the med bay. Legion is watching over her and Dr T’Soni is with her.” EDI said. “You must focus on the current mission before you can see her.”

He sat back in his chair and sighed. He ran his hands through his beard, and rubbed his eyes. ‘She’s back.’ He thought. He wasn’t an emotional man, but he smiled in relief.

The time it took Shepard to get back to the SR2 felt endless. Joker wanted to see his friend. As soon as he was on board, and the Normandy was safely away from any danger, he got up and limped to the med bay as fast as he could.

He stopped at the door, and composed himself. For a guy with brittle bones, he moved quickly when it was for her.

When he walked in, he saw her laying on one of the med bay cots. Her hair was wild, her clothes were ripped and the spots on her limbs he could see were purple and blue.

“Oh shit Sif.” He walked up next to her. “Dr T’Soni, how is she?”

“Her vitals are coming back, but she had severe bruising. I’ve done what we can for helping her heal, but she will take time. She has some amazing resilience. How she wasn’t killed is going to be an interesting story.” She smiled, “I always knew she was more clever than most.”

Joker was relived they had picked up Liara when they did, even if she was only there briefly. They couldn’t have chosen a better time.

“Hell ya she is. When will she be waking up?” He pushed.

“She should wake up anytime now. Her vitals are all stabilized

. She’s probably just exhausted.”

“How about her bones?” Jeff asked.

“We were able to heal most of them. It’s just the bruising and a few broken ribs. Other than that she should be able to help you fly whenever.” Dr. Chakwas chimed as she walked up behind Jeff. “Always this poor girls ribs. We should give her titanium ones.”

“I’m glad to see you too.” He said. “How did you come out of this less scathed?”

“They took me out in a pod. I don’t know what happened to her. I just saw them taking bodies past my pod and that’s why I knew there were some ahead.”

Jeff knelt beside Sif. He touched her arm gently and then held the tips of her fingers tenderly.

“Legion, come on, let’s leave them for a while.” Liara said and made an exit.

Jeff watched the three of them leave, then he turned his attention back to his friend on the slab.

“I never wanted to ever see you like this. I’m glad you’re alive, but Sif you idiot, why didn’t you just come back to the cockpit when shit started to go down.” He said quietly.

He placed his hand on her hair, with his thumb on her forehead. “I promise I will never let this happen again.”

He kissed her cheek.

Jeff sat there for as long as he could, and then Shepard walked in. ‘Great, the hero.’ He thought.

“How is she? I saw Dr. Chakwas outside she said she’ll be fine.” He asked.

“She’ll mend. She’s bruised up pretty bad, broken ribs. All that.” Jeff replied.

“Didyou know Sif is a biotic?” Shepard asked.

“Yea. I swear no one ever looks at our files. They just assume all we do is fly the ship.” He said sarcastically.

“So she is biotic?” Shepard asked surprised.

“Yea, she had L2s implanted and eventually and underwent L5 upgrades when we hooked up with Cerberus. So Sif underwent the retraining for it, and it showed that because she had these extra

abilities, it made her an even better pilot.” He explained. “Kaiden and Sif would practice their skills all the time before…” he trailed off.

“They don’t usually do upgrades on biotics by implants.” Shepard said.

“No, but she did. She’s got a way about her. I’ve never seen her not get something either her and I needed at some point.” Jeff smiled.

“Did you actually just smile?” Shepard asked

“What? No. Definitely not.” Jeff shifted and got up. “I’ve got a ship to fly.” 

“Hey Joker.” Jeff paused, “her biotics knocked Tali, Grunt and I on our ass. Thought you enjoy that.” Shepard said.

“thats my girl.” Jeff nodded and walked away.

————-

“Okay, wake her up Doctor.” Shepard said, “I need some answers.”

“Shepard, I know you’ve been waiting” Dr. Chakwas said.

She swiveled her Omni tool over Sifs battered body.

Her eyes opened and she started to glow blue.

“Wait wait!” Shepard said.

She turned her head slightly to look at him.

“Oh, sorry.  I thought you were a collector.” She said shakily.

“It’s just us dear.” Doctor Chakwas voice was soothing and tender as she reassured Sif she was safe.

.

“That’s a relief. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to survive on that ship.” She said. Then she looked around. “How bad am I? Where’s Jeff?”

“Sif you’re bruised and broken but we have slapped you with so much medi gel you’re going to be fine. Sore, but fine.” Liara reassured her.

“Excellent, I’ve got a ship to copilot.”

 

“Not just yet, we have to talk about a couple things.” Shepard said.

Sif sat up very slowly. “Is there something softer to sit on for the moment then? These beds are designed for the dead.” She laughed. Then winced.

Shepard helped her off the med bed and to a chair.

“Still not soft enough but that’s alright.” She looked around. “Alright, what do you want to know?”

Liara, Legion and Shepard exchanged glances.

“OH right how I ended up in a pile of my comrades remains. Good story.” She started to trail off, and took a shallow breath - her ribs ached. “I was down in engineering when EDI and Jeff alerted me to what was going on. So I ran up to the med bay as fast as I could and grabbed the only thing I could think of, Beta Blockers. They slow down your heart rate and can fool people into thinking your dead.”  Sif sat back and shifted her weight. “So I took a calculated amount. I figured if They thought I was dead, they’d  leave me here. So I gave myself a hyper injection of them and waited on the floor. The Collectors walked in, saw me here, took my body and then I ended up boarding their ship.”

“Even though they thought you were dead?” Liara asked.

“I suppose, but maybe my heart was still beating. However by the time we got to the ship the injection must have really kicked in, and from what my Omni tool tells me I had a heart beat only enough to keep my brain alive. That’s probably why I’m so bruised. No blood flow, so it pooled.” Sif shuddered.

“What about the bodies?” Shepard asked.

“Right so as they realized I was dead, they put me on the ground and started to load bodies on top of me. I activated my suit with my biotics. Mask, everything. I’m always prepared.” She smiled. “Anyway  once they kept throwing bodies on me, eventually they lit us on fire. I used a biotic field to keep myself from burning. Once they left, I passed out completely.”

Sif looked from Liara to Shepard. “The smell …. I will never forget the smell.” She took a deep breath. “I knew you’d come save us. So I just waited. After being thrown around so much I couldn’t really dig myself out. So thanks for that.” She smiled “but I’m not sorry for knocking you three on your asses.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you are a biotic?” Shepard asked.

“It never came up?” She replied. “It wasn’t important. It’s not like I do a lot of combat missions.”

“But you have gone on missions and you never thought you should mention it?” He asked.

“I’ve used my biotics on missions, but no one ever noticed.” Sif said.

“Are you saying I don’t know my team?” Shepard pressed her.

“Not at all. I’m just saying sometimes we don’t notice things we don’t need to. As long as something works why worry? Besides the only missions I go on with you require my brains, and since I’ve been shot too many times and Jeff refuses to let me set foot off the Normandy, it wasn’t important.”

“I guess that makes sense.” He said.

“Don’t worry it’s not a commentary on you Shep.” She smiled.

He smiled. “I know, I just feel like you…” he trailed off. “Actually this isn’t a conversation I want to have in front of everyone. Will you join me in my quarters for further discussion?” He asked.

“Yes Commander. I’ll be up shortly.” She replied. Doctor Chakwas gave Sif an injection of pain med and told her it’ll wear off in a bit. So she made her way to Commander Shepards Quarters.

————

Shepard had questions. He understood her faith in him for saving her, but why was she so mysterious? This intrigued and yet bothered him. Why was she so hard to understand, to read?

“Commander.” Sif said as she entered.

“You look better than you did 10 minutes ago.” He smiled.

“The doctor shot me with enough morphine to keep me standing for a bit, but she recommended I lay down in a short while and get some proper rest.” She said.

“Come and sit, do you want anything?” 

“A glass of water please.”  Sif sat on the end of Shepards bed.

Shepard poured one for her. “Take it from me.”

“Seriously?” 

“Yes.” 

Sif shook her head and pulled the glass to her easily.

“Happy?” She raised her left eyebrow at him.

“Yes.” 

“Yea they come in handy when I forget to turn a light off and I’m in bed already.” She grinned. “So what didn’t you want to discuss downstairs? If you’d have asked I would have said.”

“I asked Joker about going out with you for a drink. He told me ‘Sure, I didn’t know you dated married women though.’ What does that even mean? You’re married?”

“I would have told you on that date you know.” She had a hurt look on her face.

“Then why not bring it up before?” 

“Did Jeff tell you who I was married to?” 

“No he said you would.” 

“Of course I will. But there’s a lot that people don’t know about me - I mean I barely know myself. Didn’t you read my background report?”

“I did, years ago, but I still don’t recall seeing anything.”

Sif took a deep breath. “Can you let me explain the whole thing before you ask questions?”

Shepard nodded.

“Please understand - I was engaged to a man named Nate. He was handsome and charming. We had been together for 3 years and were starting to plan a life together.” She took in a deep breathe. “We were supposed to get married the day after graduation-the wedding was planned and everything. Then a few months before, I went to visit him and Jeff let me in. They were roommates. I guess he didn’t realize Nate was home, and so I did what I always did and walked into his room.” She hung her head. “I caught him, fucking some woman from the pep squad.”

“What?” Shepard looked shocked.

“Yea, either he wanted to be caught or he was just annoyed with me. I took being faithful very seriously to him, and I wasn’t going to just hand over my ass whenever he wanted to get off. So he had been screwing her for months. He said ‘you wouldn’t give it to me.’ So he found it elsewhere.”

“What a dick.”

“Yea. I think Jeff knew it was going on and just wanted to protect me. I’m not a prude, I just, didn’t feel safe sleeping with him anymore. He has a side of himself that shook my core. He hurt me. Emotionally, physically. One night he locked me in his room. Jeff had to help get me out. So I withheld. I should have just dumped him long before then.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was scared. I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t want to have to be a no one again. A Jane Doe in the world. I just wanted someone to be mine - so I didn’t have to navigate life alone. I was scared. He told me I could never find anyone who would be as good to me as he was. I know that’s a lie now.”

“Then what?”

“Jeff kicked him out, I moved in and we became even closer - he is my best friend. We’d just hang out, and talk, and whatever. Nate graduated then ended up on Virmire.  You wouldn’t have known but he died there. He was stationed at a plant.”

“Okay so you weren’t married to him. Who then?”

“Since the wedding was still planned, Jeff and I weren’t going to let it go to waste.  The day after graduation, we took shore leave to celebrate, and you know eat all the food and party all night cause it was all paid for. So we had drinks and he suggested “let’s just marry each other”. We have been friends for so long, we went through school together, he helped me through my breakup. I have no family Shepard, I have no history - I was found abandoned as a child with no memory of them. I didn’t want to loose my best friend too. Jeff said I could share his life.” She sighed. “ We were best friends who made a deal, so they wouldn’t separate us, we didn’t want to be assigned opposites because we work so well together and this was a sure bet they’d keep us together. The perks, like a cabin of our own, more money, allowances that kind of thing, were nothing more than that. A perk.”

Shepard looked at her with a blank face.

“It’s okay, it’s why we don’t tell people. Some just don’t get it….. I’ll let that sink in.” She took a sip of her water.

“Do you, love him?”

She sipped her water. “I have always loved Jeff-even when I was with Nate. I tried to get Jeff to date me, but he told me no, and introduced me to his roommate. Jeff doesn’t love me the way a husband loves a wife. I’m his friend.”

“You honestly believe that? You really think you’re just a perk?” The honesty of the question dripped from his lips.

“Why not? Hes never indicated he loved me in that way. We’ve never had sex.” She sighed. “I tried in training, and I do bring it up occasionally but even now he gives me the ‘I can’t give you a life or future you deserve’ line. I don’t even know if I can have kids Shep, I’ve been experimented on a little too much for that - and that’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. It’s not my goal I life really like people think it is.” 

“Experimented on?” 

“I did a lot of experimental testing for cash when I was young, I needed the money. Either way, I’m not baby crazy, nor do I dislike them, I just don’t see why that’s the biggest hurdle for him to get over when it comes to he and I becoming an us.”

“I didn’t know.” 

“It’s fine. I just want you to know - where I stand.” 

“Sif, you stand in a marriage that’s built on an agreement, with a man who can’t admit how much he cares about you.”

Sif paused, “I mean, I know he has to feel something, but that much, you actually think he does?”

“How many dates have you been on since you two have been married?”

“With anyone I thought it might be fun to go with? One. With losers? Probably four.”

“And the Kaiden scenario?”

“I mean that made me question everything but even then he said no.”

Shepard laughed, “you’re sweet, but so blind. He stops the good ones from asking you out with the line he used in me.”

Sif stopped. She thought back to a few days before the Collectors attack, he wants to be near her when he sleeps, holding her.

“Friggen Jeff.” She got up. Then fell back down.

“Sif.” Shepard grabbed her and laid her down on his bed. “Your meds are probably wearing off and this has been a lot to sift through since you have just gotten back.”

“Yea it’s a lot. Shep can you help me to my room? As much as I’d love to rip your clothes off, I can’t do that if there’s a chance with Jeff.” She laughed.

“My pleasure. You really are a good woman Sif.” He lifted her in his arms and she laid her head on his shoulder.

“Can I try something?.” She asked.

“Anything.” He said.

“Put me down.” Sif held on to Shepard as he put her feet on the ground. She turned to him. “I am curious - just kiss me.”

“My pleasure.” 

Shepard walked Sif to the wall of his cabin and kissed the top of her nose. He gently placed his hand behind her head and let his lips slide onto hers so gently. Her hands went numb and her knees went weak.

The firmness, the stubble. It all reminded her of Kaiden. She missed him. She let out a small moan.

“That’s good enough for now. It was an honor to share something so simple with you.” Shepard smiled.

“I want more, so much more Shepard. I want all of you, I want to wake up with our clothes thrown in the floor and you smiling, but, you’re not Jeff.” She said quietly.

Shepard kissed her again, then rested his forehead on hers.

“You won’t have to wait much longer, I’ll make sure of that.”

Shepard picked up her again, and carried her to her cabin.

The door opened and Joker was inside reading in the chair next to the bed. 

“Is she-“

“she fell asleep in the elevator.” Shepard put her down on the bed. “Do you know what you have here Joker?”

“I have my Best friend back.”

“You have so much more than that. You have a woman who wants no one else more than you in the universe. She really wants to be your wife.”

“Ah she told you. Nate was a dick.”

“Joker, Sif wanted to kiss her me and when she did, all she said was ‘you’re not Jeff’. Really think about what you have here, because if you don’t want it, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.” 

Joker stood up. “Take her then.”

“You don’t mean that. I saw how you reacted to her and Kaiden, and that was mild in comparison as to what I’m planning on giving her.”

“I want her to be happy and safe. If that’s what you can offer, you can have her.”

“Joker, don’t be stupid. You might not make it obvious, but you have feelings for her. Tell her, show her. The end of the damn universe is at steak, do you want to miss the one chance you have if we fail?”

Jeff saluted him. “Commander. It’s not as simple as you make it. I can’t give her what she needs.”

Shepard saluted Jeff. “It really is. Not everything is about you in this situation.” He turned on his heal to leave. “You’ll regret every second when she’s mine.”

Joker knew Shepard would take her.

He didn’t stand a chance.

[sifinspace]

After Horizon and Shepards awkward run in with his ex partner Ashley, they searched the galaxy and found an assassin named Thane, along with their old friend, Tali.

It was a happy occasion as she and Sif hugged each other in the briefing room after the mission.

After everyone dispersed, Joker told Sif to take some time. They were heading to a few planets in order to tidy up some unfinished business for the crew.

Sif didn’t argue.

———

Sif peered into the darkness of space, illuminated by glowing stars surrounding the SR2. It was captivating.

The window in her cabin made her feel like she was the only person who existed. With all the turmoil the galaxy was in, she savored moments like this one.

She stretched her back from side to side. Since the Normandy’s explosion, she could feel bad days come on sooner. As she straightened out, her door buzzed.

“Yea, come on in.” She called. 

Shepard walked in. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Oh Commander.” She stood at attention. Her rec clothes swimming on her, and her shirt so old it was practically transparent.

“No at ease. I’m here to chat or have a beer if you’re offering.” He said nervously.

“For sure. Here.” She moved quickly and got them each a cold one from her mini fridge. “It’s slightly icy. I need to adjust the settings again.” She said passing him an ice cold brew.

“This is great, thanks for being willing to share.”

“Thanks for being my beer mule.” She grinned as she tipped her bottle at him.

They sat for a minute until she broke the silence.

“So what’s up commander, you alright after seeing Ash down on Horizon?” She asked.

“Yea-that was a trip. We didn’t part on the greatest of terms last time. As you know. Anyway- I was wondering. We have spent a lot of time together during working hours. I was wondering if you ever wanted to get a drink with me next time we are on shore leave?” 

“I mean, we’re having a drink now.” She stuttered.

Shepard nervously chuckled. “I mean like a proper drink. One where I take you somewhere you can feel, special. I’ve been thinking about it since the moment I saw you on the ship a while back. I figured why not?”

“That’s why you hugged me so much. I just thought you were happy to see me.” She grinned.

“Oh I was. Seeing you as the first person I knew I could trust, after having words with Ash, dying, and being brought back, was the best thing the Illusive man could have ever done for me.” He said rubbing his neck nervously. “I felt something when I thought you were dead on the Normandy two years ago, you don’t feel something like that for just anyone.”

Sif shifted. She hated when Jeff was right.

“I’m flattered Shep. I haven’t gone on a real date in a very long time.”

“Then let’s change that. You and me, and the best bottle of whiskey on the Citadel.” He grinned.

Sif melted into her bed. She smiled at the handsome Man looking down at her. She tried to reach his face. His brown eyes searching hers. His scars. His grin.

Her heart paused mid beat.

“I need you to do one thing.” She asked.

“For you, anything.” He said rubbing his hand down her strong arm.

“Ask Joker if Ihe is okay with that.” She said flatly.

“Is he the keeper?” 

“Kind of? You saw what happened when Kaiden suggested I leave the Normandy, I’m trying to negate that. Not saying you’re going to like me or anything, just as a precaution..”

“Do women ask you to date him?” Shepard asked.

Sif laughed, “No, I don’t think he’s ever gone on a date in all our years of being a package deal.”

Shepard laughed, “l’ll do it.” He got up to leave, “but be ready. It’s going to be fun.”

Sif smiled at him and then laid down as he walked out of her cabin. For the first time in years she was going on a proper date. Her heart raced.

Shepard was handsome. Everyone knew that. He was kind, and always so gentle in dealing with her.

She didn’t want to get involved with anyone she worked with, not since Kaiden, but this would be different.

Sif walked to her bathroom sink and stared at herself in the mirror.

“This is okay. It will be okay.” She reassured herself.

—-

Shepard sauntered to the bridge to find Joker. He wasn’t difficult to track down, he hardly left his seat.

“Joker.”

“Shepard. What can I do for you?” He said turning around his chair.

“I guess I’m here to ask you, if I can take Sif out.” He said confidently.

“You? Take Sif out, why?”  He said slightly shocked.

“. She’s amazing, and she seems like someone I’d like to know more.”

“Well, I mean. Hm, I never expected you to ask this. I’m kind of shocked.” He in fact was not shocked.

“What does that mean?”

“Sif isn’t a girl you just take out once and then ignore, or conveniently have turned against you.”

“You think I’m a - a player?”

“Well yea, you can have any woman, and I know you have, so why her?” Joker asked pointedly.

“She seems like someone I’d like to know better, and she’s a hell of a pilot.” He responded squarely.

Joker looked at Shepard hard and long. He wanted to believe him. Shepard never bothered with Sif before now, so why all of a sudden? It didn’t really make sense. He had tones of women throw themselves at him but it always ended up the same, they died, or ended up being transferred to another ship or angry at him.

Joker took in a deep breathe.

“Well, by all means you can give it a try. I didn’t take you for a man that was into married women is all.” He said of the cuff.

“What?” 

“She’s married. You knew that right? It’s in her file.” 

“I had - I didn’t know.”

“Yea, but I mean if you’re asking me, she obviously wants to go out with you. So go. Just don’t hurt her. I may not be able to kick your ass but I can open any airlock.” 

“Alright, I got the point.” Shepard said leaving the bridge.

[sifinspace]

“It’s why I brought back someone you can trust.” The Illusive man nodded to Shepard then turned around.

“So, when do we leave?” Sif asked as he turned to face her.

“Sif?” Shepards voice was tight and hoarse.

“Commander.” She gave him a salute. Her hair in a side braided down to her waist and her Cerberus uniform crisp and well fitted.

Shepard walked up to her, and put his hands under her cheeks. He could hardly believe it was her. He gazed into her green eyes and searched for any hint of feeling.

She smiled.

“If it wasn’t for what you did, I wouldn’t be ready to serve you again.” She reached for his wrists and smiled.

Shepard lurched forward and wrapped her in a hug. Her hair caught in his nose, and his heart racing.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I thought - I thought you were dead when I pushed you in the Pod. I had no idea you were alive.” He said.

“That makes two of us. Thank you for saving us.” She hugged him back.

“Us?”

“You think I’d let her fly a ship alone? After what happened on the Normandy, she’s not left my sight.” Joker chimed in as he stepped into view.

“As much as I don’t trust Cerberus, I’m glad he found you two - my favorite package pilots.” He grinned.

“You got it Commander.” Joker said shaking his hand. “Sorry about what happened. Never again.”

“That’s as good as an apology from you I could get.” Shepard nodded and then hugged Sif one more time. The surprise on her face let him know she really couldn’t believe he was here.

“So, where to?” She asked him again.

———-

“That went far better than I ever expected.” Joker said as he leaned back in his pilots chair.

“He hugged me, twice.” Sif commented.

“I told you, he’s gonna fall hard for you.”

“Oh shut up Jeff.” She played it off. She knew Shepard was just elated to see her again. He would be with all his friends.

They had started to gather a few new crew members to help with the new project Cerberus was working on. They first docked at Omega, they were on the look out for Doctor Mordon Solus and Archangel.

Sif had time to set up their cabin, and get better acquainted with a few of the crew members. She was pleased to see Doctor Chakwas was back, and working immediately on new ways to improve Jeff’s life with Vrojliks. Though much had already been done, he would always be at risk of fractures.

“Has Jeff smartened up?” She asked Sif.

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Has he finally decided to sweep you off your feet?” She pried.

“Oh,” she shifted uncomfortably. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“Huh, after that near death experience I was sure he would change his mind.” She smiled at Sif reassuringly, “maybe someday.”

Sif returned the grin, but it was a sad one. She left med bay and went back to their cabin.

She stood at the edge of her bed with her back to the door, folding clothes. She had slipped in her ear pods, and started listening to music while she worked.

She let her thoughts drift to all the time they had spent together, the kind words, the hand holding. She thought Jeff would have changed his mind about being with her, but it seemed that he was steadfast in his mind. They would simply never be anything more.

She sighed, and put a stack of clothes into a drawer, then resumed folding.

The door opened and she felt a slight breeze. “Hey.” She said and turned down her song.

“Hey.” Joker responded.

She didn’t turn to look at him, she just knew he was there.

Joker walked up behind Sif and wrapped his arms around her waist. She froze Ina moment of shock.

“You okay?” She asked as he buried his face into her shoulder, her hair stuck under his chin.

“Yea, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“For?” She continued to fold the clothes.

“For being the asshole that I am, and for the stuff I will be.”

“You’re pre-apologizing?”

“Kind of? In therapy, they told me to do that if I knew I was going to have a problem with something.” He said non descriptively.

“And what’s the problem you’re going to be having?” She asked.

“You’ll know when it happens.”

“Shit Jeff, did you get me fired?”

“No no!” He backed away, and let go of his embrace, “I just have this feeling I’m going to say something stupid soon. I didn’t realize how - you … affect people.”

Sif didn’t play games, but she was too exhausted to ask what he meant. “Alright, I’m pre-forgiving you.”

He smiled, took the clothes from her hands and placed them on the bed. “Now, I’m going to hug you properly.”

Sifs mind raced. He had become even more clingy over the last year, but this was new even for her.

As he enveloped her into his body, she tried not to let her mind wander to ways she’d make love to him. She had stopped doing that years ago. The more she had imagined it, the more it had hurt her.

She laid her head on his shoulder, and she smiled.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I know, who doesn’t?” He asked, breaking the tension. “I’m great.”

—————

Archangel turned out to be Garrus. Sif and Joker welcomed him aboard with open arms and cold drinks.

Morton Solus also joined the crew. A Salarian, with the mind no one could match. The moment he made their acquaintance, he asked them how long they had been trying to help Joker with his condition. Immediately he wandered off mumbling to himself equations and formulas with chemicals. Sif liked him immediately.

They also met Zaeed, a rough type, but kept to himself. Secretly Sif was terrified by his gruff exterior.

Kaasumi was a welcome addition as well to the team, she was sneaky, and sneaky was what they needed on missions.

Shepard had come to the helm to direct the pair where they’d be off to next.

“Purgatory.” Shepard said flatly.

“What?” Joker asked.

“Purgatory. Ever been?”

“Isn’t that a club on Illium?” Sif questioned.

“Tell you what, you get me to Purgatory and back, and I’ll take you out for a drink.” Shepard smiled.

Sif couldn’t tell if he was being serious. So she played it off.

“Tell you what, we get you there and back, I’d like a 6 pack of Canadian beer. Cold. Way cheaper than going to a club. Plus, Jeff doesn’t dance in public.” She grinned.

“Deal.” Shepard saluted her and walked away.

“EDI, set course for Purgatory.” Joker ordered.

“Yes Mr. Moreau.”

“I’m glad she knows where we’re going, I seriously have never heard of the place.” Joker said.

“EDI, what is Purgatory?” Sif asked.

“Purgatory is the highest security prison in the galaxy. Only the most dangerous criminals are housed there. Most in cryo, until revived.”

“Don’t forget to lock the doors when they leave.” Sif shuddered.

Joker nodded.

——-

Joker stretched back in his chair and tilted his hat downwards. He closed his eyes and started to listen to the heart of the SR-2. He kept time with the engine as it hovered in place, docked at the prison.

He laid there thinking of all the things that could go wrong at that station. He wondered how Garrus and Zaeed were doing.

Joker never worried about Shepard. Even after being completely rebuilt, he didn’t worry about him. Joker knew what he was capable of, so a ship full of high risk criminals, was no problem.

“Here.” Sif said, setting down a bottle of Cola. “Sorry it’s warm, there is no one in the mess right now.”

“What no ice?” He teased.

“Right, and your grapes are rotten to oh highness.”

“Then it’s death for you!”

“We need to stop watching historical movies.” Sif sighed.

“Are you kidding, I’d have been a god!”

“Or you’d have been committed.”

“Okay, you didn’t have to remind me.” He grinned.

She stood beside him looking out the front window. Staring down the giant station, riddled with the ones from society that were deemed a risk.

“He totally asked you out.” Joker said sipping his cola.

“What?”

“Shepard totally asked you out.” He repeated.

“He was kidding.”

“Yea, that’s not joking. I joke, he…he very plainly asked you out.”

“Whatever.” Sif said brushing him off.

————

They had extracted Jack from Purgatory, but not without a fight.

As they disembarked from the space station, it imploded, and caused a rupture in the sonic waves.

“Well, they lived.” Sif said. “That’s what we promised.”

They took off back to the Sol System for safety, once they docked at the Mass effect for re fueling, the crew received their new orders.

They had been told they’d be heading to Korlus to recruit a Krogan warlord. Sif didn’t care who they recruited, she just cared they could get the job done.

She had thought about Wrex on many occasions. Big, bold and brash, but he was a good leader when needed and he loved to blow things up.

As they landed, Shepard made his way to the helm.

“Beer is in your cabin fridge. If you’re gonna drink, wait till we get back, I know you two need a bit of a break from flying, once this missions over, we’ll have drinks together then get rest for the next day.” He said as he walked passed them into the airlock.

Joker and Sif threw a weak salute and he was gone. Shepard had taken Zaeed and Jack with him on this mission.

Garrus was down in engineering, where he always was, calibrating the guns.

Sif stood up and stretched her body out.

“Want to come with me? I’m going to head down to the mess to grab something.” She asked Joker.

“Nah, I’m good, but bring me a bottle of….” He paused. “You know what, yea I’ll come with you. EDI, listen for Shepard.”

“Aye Aye.”

The pair made their way through the new Normandy’s haul to the elevator.

“I don’t like calling it the Normandy.” Sif said.

“I do, it helps me forget the first one ever exploded.”

“I guess. What do you think alliance would have us do now if we hadn’t abandoned them.” She asked.

“I got an email from Anderson a few days ago, I meant to tell you.” He said matter of factly.

Sif stopped in her tracks. “What did he say?”

“He was wishing us luck. He only sent it to me because he considers us a unit. He said when we’re ready, alliance will be there to welcome its two pilots back.”

“That’s rather generous.” She said raising an eyebrow.

“Yea, He’s not worried, since he spoke to Shepard, he knows what’s at steak.”

“Nice to know we still have options.” Sif said, pushing her side braid behind her ear.

“I think you like it here.” Joker said, passing her a water bottle from the fridge.

“What makes you say that?”

“I’ve never seen you wear your hair down this much, or for that matter, anything not regulation.” He grinned at her.

“Like?” She scrunched her brow.

“Your socks. Your watch. Your necklace. Even your ring.” He pointed to her right hand.

She flinched a corner of her mouth. “I like being able to wear things that are important to me. It’s a lot different than the Alliance.”

She remembered a time she tried to wear her hair in a pony tail and was told she’d be written up for insubordination if she didn’t braid it and put it in a bun.

“I like your hair down. I always forget how long it is.” He smiled.

“It’s longer than this, I’ll show you next time we watch a movie.”

“I’d like that.” He said as they continued to walk back to the bridge.

Sif knew he was just being nice, but the butterflies in her stomach tried to convince her otherwise.

——-

After the crew was back on board, and the new Krogan Grunt had vern released from his cage, Shepard and his pilots enjoyed a nice icy brew together in their cabin.

They spoke about the times they had spent together and about what happened since he had been dead.

He couldn’t believe the pair had never been reassigned. He also couldn’t believe Joker actually apologized to him.

After a few drinks, Shepard made his was out of their cabin.

He had given them till 0800h the next morning to rest and recoup. They were told to head to Horizon once they were back at it.

Sif and Joker laid in bed and watched a couple movies together. They didn’t really watch them, but had them on while they discussed the crew and its next move.

“Did you see the Krogan?” She asked Joker.

“Yea, did you notice Jacks outfit?”

“Of course you did.” She laughed.

“Look if I was shooting biotics from my body, only wearing that, I’d have some major slippage happening.”

“Don’t worry, I have it on good authority she likes bad boys. You aren’t a bad boy.” She grinned.

“How would you even know that?”

“Women talk Jeff. I went down there a while ago. She filled me in.”

He smiled at Sif. He did that a lot more than he used to. “So you said I’d get to see how long your hair was.”

“Oh yea.” Sif reached behind her head and pulled her elastic out. Her hair tumbled down her back, and fell at her waist.

“Come on, how is it that long? It wasn’t like that on Tiptree.” He said.

“You noticed?”

“Well yea, I sleep in the same bed as you.”

“So? What do you think?”

“I like it. You go from army to party a little too easily.” He smirked.

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should, now, come here.” He laid his arm out for her. “It’s been a long time since I slept with you. I could use this.”

Sif crawled over to her friend and laid in his arms. She loved this small courtesy he gave to her even if it was brief. She liked the way his heart would beat, and how he would rub his hand up and down her arm.

Even though she knew this was the extent of his intimacy, she adored it.

[sifinspace]

Sif sat down at her computer and clicked refresh on her email. Nothing. They had gotten back from Tiptree a week ago, and they still hadn’t be contacted about being reassigned.

She was starting to lose hope. Sif got up and walked to the small kitchenette they had. She turned the kettle on and boiled some water for tea. She looked out the window of their tiny alliance regulated apartment.

The shimmering colors of the citadel and the bright lights of the portmade it hard to know if it was day or night. She let out a sigh and rubbed side. The scar still hurt from the operation, but she’d never tell anyone that. What hurt more was her inability to move forward. She hated waiting, and she felt like she had done her time.

Sif loved the year she spent landed. She appreciated getting to spend it with Joker, there was no one else she’d rather be with, but she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that she could be used somewhere, out in space, to further Shepards work.

Her mind whistled, and she realized it was the kettle boiling. As she poured herself a cup, Joker walked in the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She smiled.

“Question, if I had a chance to be enhanced, would you want me to take it?” He asked.

“Your boobs are the perfect size for me.” She grinned.

He smiled at her, “I’m perfect obviously, but I mean, my bones. Vrolijks is a bitch, and I just had given time a chance to help it.”

Sif cocked her head to the side. “Fill me in.”

He sat down at the table.

“Okay, so I had been contacted yesterday but some weird net mail, asking if I’d be interested in helping my condition. I said yes, and they replied with asking me to meet them in person.” He started.

“Ok mystery emails … meet ups, yea not sketchy Jeff. Do you still have two kidneys?” She said skeptically.

“I know, ones for you. So yes, I’ve got two. Anyway, I met up with this woman, her names Miranda, she said she works with a group who specialize in human biotics and anatomy, they heard about us through all the hype after the Normandy exploded but had to wait to find me, because of our jobs with the alliance.”

“Alright and, what do they want in return?”

“Miranda said they want a pilot.”

“Oh.”

“She said they’d help make me stronger, and set my bones straight, if I’d be willing to fly for them.”

Sifs mind raced. He was going to leave her alone. She always got left alone. “When do you start?”

“Tomorrow, but there’s a catch.”

“Which is?”

“It’s Cerberus.” He said flatly.

“I don’t care who it is, if you get to fly, you get to fly.” She sipped her tea, trying to hold back her interior doomed feelings.

“Huh you took that better than I expected. “

“I want you to be happy, like always. If it’s flying with solid bones, who wouldn’t turn that down?” She forced a smile.

“Yea see that’s not actually the catch. I was just seeing what you’d say first.”

Sif looked at him with a twisted expression.

“You. You’re my catch. Miranda knows all about you too. She asked how you’d feel joining. She said she had read our alliance files, and she wants both of us to fly. We have the best records she’d ever seen.”

Sif grinned. “You jackass. You had me worried.”

Joker got up and stood next to her. “Nah, we are a package deal. Literally everyone knows that. Now stand up, and hug me.”

Sif got to her feet and wrapped her arms gently around her friend. “Thank you.” She whispered in his ear.

“I’d never leave you behind, I made a promise.” He whispered back.

After their moment of embrace, Joker looked at Sif. “Start packing.” He said.

———

Sif didn’t have a lot to take with her, when the Normandy exploded her life was on that ship. The only thing she had was the note Kaiden left her, and a few other bits and bobs she had stowed away in an onshore Alliance locker.

Since she’d been grounded she had picked up a few things, but the one thing she clung dearly too was the necklace Jeff had given her before graduation. She figured Cerberus wasn’t Alliance, so she’d wear it under her new uniform.

Sif folded her blankets and clothes. Each price felt like a story. Between the two of them, they didn’t have a lot of things, then Joker came into the bedroom.

“Hey, so I was thinking. My parents gave me something that’s pretty special, and I mean if I have to admit it, you’re the most special thing I have, and Cerberus is gonna have a lot of beefy men looking for woman, and from passed experience men seem to think you’re really attractive, so I want to give you this.

He pulled out the little green velvet box and opened it.

“My mom gave me her rings before we left in case we ever want to really make that married joke land, and if you want, your more than welcome to take one of them to wear when the creeps come calling.” He said with a bit of an eager tone.

Sif was dumbfounded. She didn’t know he had gotten these tokens.

“Jeff I couldn’t do that, these are for your future someone.” She smiled.

“Well, you’re my now person, and I want you to feel safe when we start up with a new crew. So take the band, and wear it in the opposite hand. If some guys being weird, slip it on your ring finger, I’ll always back you up.” He took her hand, and slid the fine band onto her right ring finger.

“It actually fits.” She said surprised.

He would never tell her he had secretly measured her finger one night as she slept.

Sif looked down at the ring. It was simple and engraved with the thinnest of drempel head. The band looked like it had a vine on it.

“Thank you Jeff, I appreciate this. I’ll give it back to you when you need it.” She smiled.

“You got it.” He grinned as he left.

———

Sif and Joker had been with Cerberus for 4 months, in that time, they were able to pull him together enough, that he was strong enough o actually fire a weapon.

“I never thought in my entire life I’d be able to shoot a gun, not that it was the first thing I wanted to do, but the fact I can do it, is so cool!” He said as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“I’m glad - at least now when you trip and fall you wont break so easily.” Sif grinned.

“It only happened twice, besides, now I can actually dance with you when you ask.” He smiled.

Sif always loved to dance, she’d go out during flight school to the clubs and enjoy a good band now and then. Even when the pair was living on the citadel between flights, Joker would take her out to the club to dance.

“So, when are you going to make good on that promise?” Sif asked.

“Whenever!” He sat in his seat and swung his hips.

“Excellent, I’ll see what’s going on tonight.” Sif got up and walked to the cafeterias tray disposal. Since living on the Cerberus base, they’d been treated more than well by all.

She wasn’t exactly sure who was in charge, but it didn’t matter. They were getting fed, paid, and fixed up. They even went in and adjusted her L2 chip to update her software.

Miranda was still her main contact on the base, she was her go to for anything they needed. It wan’t much, sometimes it was just some extra bedding, or permission to leave to pick up drinks.

Sif liked Miranda, she was straight forward, good at anything she did, and was willing to deal with Jeff when he was a complete asshole throughout his whole medical upgrade. She wasn’t sure exactly what her main job for Cerberus was, but she figured she shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Joker had taken time to heal from his procedures, and the entire time, Sif was right next to him, being his carer. He would never be one hundred percent fixed, but the upgrades he had, made him into a whole new man. His limp, and his pervious injuries still existed, but he was able to accomplish more than ever before. The one thing Sif was great full for, was his confidence. He seemed to have bloomed over night.

As they lived on base, they continued to upgrade their flying, and prove to Cerberus that they were the still best pilots in the galaxy. No one denied that claim. They knew what they had done. Sif had even been given the opportunity to become Pilot but declined, stating that that was one thing she couldn’t take away form Jeff.

Miranda liked Sif’s ability to show herself as a equal but take a lesser position. She spoke to Sif often about Jeffs progress and about what happened aboard the Normandy. Sif figured she wasn’t bound to not speak of the explosion, and she did so openly. Miranda was sympathetic, and even helped Sif get proper treatment for any PTSD she was suffering, more so than the alliance ever tried.

Sif was great full, with the trauma the two of them experienced, it was nice to have a crew that seemed to genuinely care about them for once. She thought about Shepard often, and still missed his kind and gentle way about him.

She never forgot Kaiden either, parts of her still ached for one more touch of her lost LT.

_____

“You know what would be amazing? If with all this tech, they could rebuild me even more.” Joker said laying on his side of the bed.

“I thought you were perfect before, but to improve on that, would be a waste.” She replied.

“Come on, this man now, he’s impressive.” He said flexing his arm.

“You know, you could prove it to me.”

“Oh?” He asked, eyebrow raised.

Sif got up and walked to the cabin control. She picked out a song that was soft and rhythmic.

“Come on, dance with me, prove to me you’re an all new man.” She grinned.

Joker got to his feet and walked up to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and grabbed her hand.

“Watch me.” He said.

Joker lead Sif around the cabin suite gently, and effortlessly. His swayed her to the music, and kept their feet in beat with the temp. When the song sped up, so did his moves. When the song slowed, he pulled her closer to him, breathing her scent into him. When the song ended, he dipped her and spun her around.

“What do you think?” He asked.

“That was amazing.” She blushed.

“I knew you’d think so, go take a cold shower.” He mocked and laid down again.

Sif just grinned. She laid down on her side of the bed.

“So … when do you think they’ll get us a ship to fly? They cleared you didn’t they?” She asked.

“Yea, two days ago. I was hoping to hear soon.”

“Well until then, I’m going to take advantage of being grounded. I like this place, seems cozy.” She smiled.

————-

The next morning, Sif and Joker were greeted by a voice coming out of their cabin speaker.

“Good morning - we have arranged for you two to be relocated to a new ship, where you will pilot it into space.” The voice sounded rough and deep. Like a smoker who had been doing so for years. “We have assigned you to the SR-2, Jacob Taylor will be by shortly to help you move your things. Good luck.”

Sif looked and Joker. His eyes were beaming. They were finally going to fly again, they had waited for so long for this.

Soon enough, Jacob was at their door. They had met before, and spend a few nights playing poker together. He seemed a decent man, and had only hit on Sif twice. She wasn’t sure what had happened, but Jeff had whispered into his ear something, and the flirtations stopped immediately.

As they approached the SR-2, their eyes grew wide. It looked exactly like the Normandy.

“Wow.” Sif’s lips slipped out.

“She’s a replica, a better replica, if you can call this that. We even interrogated a better cabin for you two, as well as the new Commander of the ship.” Jacob told them.

“Who’s the new Commander?” Sif asked.

“I’ll let Miranda fill you in, I’m just the welcoming crew. Feel free to o roam about the ship, and get used to what it has to offer.” He said.

As they boarded, the ship felt oddly familiar. It had somewhat of the same layout, but was missing the people. Jacob walked the pair to a large cabin door.

“This is yours, we made it with the paid of you in mind.” He said as it opened.

Sif’s eyes grew large as she saw the size of the cabin. It had a king bed, and two recliners. As well as its own bathroom that had more than 2 feet of space. They had port holes that looked out onto into the galaxy and a tv on the wall across from the bed.

“This is, amazing.” Joker said.

“It’s an upgrade from the Normandy’s cabin you had, but we tried to keep it homey for you two.” He smiled. “We have even included a wall desk that can pop out for anything you may need it for, and a bookcase/tv shelf combo so you can store your movies here. Mini fridge, with built in ice machine. That was my ask for you.”

“That’s too kind.” Sif smiled.

“I know you like your drinks cold - so I figured what more could I ask?” Jacob grinned at her.

“This is absolutely mind blowing. Thank you so much.” Sif said.

“No problem, Cerberus wants its pilots treated how they should be. After all, without you two, how would we even take off? Miranda will be by in a bit to debrief you. Until then, just sit still, and after you speak with her, you can roam the ship.” Jacob walked to the door and left.

Sif put down her duffels and looked at Joker.

“Can you believe this?” She asked.

“Not at all, i didn’t expect this. I knew we’d get a cabin, but not one that was this amazing. If the Alliance could see us now.” He grinned.

They unpacked their belongings and hung their Cerberus uniforms in their closet. Inside had two robes waiting for them, almost as if they were welcome gifts to the ship.

Joker checked out the Tv stand, and Sif made her way to the bathroom to examine the lighting.

“There’s actual storage in here, I can do my face finally.” She grinned.

“Thank goodness, it was scaring me.” He winked.

Sif walked back and laid on the bed, it was the most comfortable bed she’d ever laid on. She felt like she was being hugged by a cloud.

Joker sat in the chair and reclined. “Yep, this is the life.” He stretched his arms behind his head and tipped down his hat. “Wake me when Miranda gets here.”

Sif and Joker laid in their places and closed their eyes. The quiet hum of the SR-2 made them feel right at home. Within the hour, Miranda had come to their cabin.

“So, we wanted to let you know something that’s going to be happening, and we needed to tell you, for you to prepare yourselves.” She started.

“What?” Joker asked.

“Well, we know you two were the last ones to have anything to do with Shepard. So it would only make sense, that you two are the first to see him once again.”

Sif and Joker exchanged glances at each other.

“I am head of what is called the Lazarus project. I’ve been working on it for some time. We needed Shepard back, he was the only one who could save humanity, so with the help of a very wealthy benefactor, we are bringing him back. He will be the Commander once again.”

They looked shocked. “So you can just bring people back to life?” Sif asked.

“No, not like you think we can. This is a special project. It’s taken a considerable amount of resources. If we can accomplish this however, we can do anything.” Miranda said.

“Does he have his memories?” Joker asked.

“I’m not at that stage in his development yet, soon, he’s going to be resuscitated soon. Then we will know how successful this project actually was, and if it really was worth it.”

“I mean, you can fix a broken pilot, I’m … I never thought that you could rebuild someone from scratch.” Sif said.

“It takes a lot of science, but things are looking promising. We wanted you to be aware of what was going on, in case anyone else happened to mention it first. Cerberus is trying to give you the most transparency as possible. We know it’s a shock, so until he’s ready, you’re only job is to become aquatinted with the ship, and comfortable. Speaking of which. EDI?”

“Yes Ms Lawson.” A sound came from the corner of the room. A holographic beam of light appeared.

“This is EDI.- she’s the ship artificial intelligence, she will serve as your guide and help while you pilot this ship.”

“AI? Great. The ship has a mind of ti’s own, why do you need us?” Joker said visibly upset.

“AI is a tool, there is no better use than a human to fly a machine that requires skill.” EDI responded.

“EDI is there to help with calculations - and voice commands, she is not here to fly the ship.” Miranda reassured.

“As long as it doesn’t get in the way.” He said.

“That is never my intention Mr. Moreau.” EDI responded.

“Fine by me, I like having someone to gang up against Jeff with.” Sif grinned.

“I will do my best Sif.” EDI said as if with a smile.

“Good, so make yourselves comfortable, we will let you know when we are ready to fly.” Miranda said as she turned to leave the cabin.

______

Sif and Jeff and walked toured the ship numerous times to really get the feel for it. There were rooms where rooms hadn’t been before, and cabins and beds where on the Normandy was only empty space.

The pair made their way down to med bay, and were greeted by the most welcoming of faces. Dr. Chakwas was there, with opened arms and warm hugs. She was so elated to see them both again. She had been helping with Jeff’s recovery as well form his surgeries, but they didn’t realize he’d be assigned to the SR-2. This was the most welcome of surprises for them.

After that, they headed to the Command Room, and saw their new helm.

It was gleaming.

Joker sat in his chair and swiveled around a few times.

“This is luxury.” He said stretching out.

Sif caressed the console lovingly. Like holding a dear one’s chin in her hand. It was familiar, yet completely new.

“Did you even register what Miranda said?” She asked him.

Joker paused in thought, “the Shepard thing?”

She nodded.

“Yea I’m not surprised.” He said coolly. “He always makes it out alive.”

Sif didn’t like the attitude. “Jeff, we just spent the last two years working through his death and this is how you treat him coming back?”

“Sif what do you want me to say? I’m elated? I’m thrilled? I’m the one that has to tell him I’m sorry for getting him dead in the first place. It’s not a fun thing to have to do you know.”

Memories flooded back to her of their lady year in therapy, the pain, the anger.

“Sorry, I’m just in shock. He was, he is family. The closest thing we had to normality. I can’t believe the shit I’ve had to go through is all going to be for nothing.” She groaned falling in her chair.

“For nothing?”

“I - if I didn’t have to cope with losing him that would have been half the battle. If I didn’t have to cope with you losing him, I could have done it.” She sighed. “I want him back. I can’t wait to see him.”

“I really hope he remembers everything.” Joker smiled at her.

“Same, he gave me one hell of a hug. I could use that again.”

Joker stood up and walked to Sif.

“What are you doing?” She asked him as he made his way over.

“Stand up.”

She got to her feet.

Joker slid his arms around her waist and pulled her in closely to him. It wasn’t a normal hug, it was something deeper.

Sid hurried her face in his neck. His beard ticketed her cheek, but she didn’t care. She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him. He wasn’t ever the hugger type, but this one felt more connected than one ever had. He made her feel wanted, loved, safe.

Joker worked his hands up and down her back, comforting her in a way she had never experienced before. He held on for longer than usual too, and when he did back away, she could swear he was grinning. She didn’t want to let go, she loved the way his body felt next to hers.

“I’m terrified he’s coming back, but I’m also happy. I want to thank him for saving our lives.” He finally said.

Sif nodded and her hair fell in front of her face. Joker swiped it away, and pushed it behind her ear. She blushed and looked down.

“You look at Shep like that and he’ll be the one I have to worry about.” He grinned.

“Don’t worry, he’s with Ash. That’ll never happen.” She assured him.

“Ash moved on. She’s been with some commando from earth for the last while. Plus, Shepard and her dad a bit of a falling out during our shore leave before the Normandy accident.”

“Why would you tell me that?” She asked him.

“Cause I’m preparing you for the inevitable.” He hated to admit it, but he knew how men worked. He was glad she had the ring he gave her. “And Jacob, I’ve gotta worry about him too. I told you Cerberus was full of guys who’d want to make you theirs.”

Sid didn’t respond she just sat down and started to get familiar with her console and controls.

It wouldn’t be long until they met Shepard face to face.

[sifinspace]

Months went by, Sif finally was able to recover, and she was back to her normal self. Or as normal as could be. After being part of the Normandy crew that lived, they had all started sending each others email to keep in touch.

Liara had been unscathed from the explosion and had left to Illium, to peruse Prothean artifacts, and Ashley was immediately reassigned to another ship. Garrus had taken off with Wrex for a bit, and Tali had continued on her pilgrimage.

Sif felt alone. Even the emails were few and far between. She missed her crew, she missed flying. She missed having Jeff beside her all day, cracking jokes, and being aware that the only thing that could stop them was death. He didn’t joke about death anymore.

For days, he had not slept. On Andersons orders, he had started therapy, and was resentful the entire time. It didn’t seem to help, but each time he’d come back, he would try to distract Sif with how it went with telling her how good she was looking after her head gash. She didn’t end up having a scar, but she was worried that it rattled around her brain quite a bit.

Sif had enrolled in physical therapy sessions three times a week. It was the only time she got out and could spend time with people other than Jeff. He wasn’t the same after the Normandy incident, but who was? Sif had her bad days, and for a while started to abuse the pain medication to cope with the daunting realization Shepard and Kaiden were gone. They weren’t just her comrades, they were her family.

Joker had noticed her abusing her meds, and called her out on it. Sif for the first time in her life hated him. She resented him. She wanted to yell at him, accuse him of his selfishness, and the fact it was his fault Shepard was gone. She had lost too much at this point. Parents, Kaiden, Shepard. It was too much.

She lost her level headedness.

“What the hell do you mean? Just accept the fact you being a stubborn ass hole lost us a friend and the best damn Commander anyone knew!”

“It wasn’t like that I didn’t push his backwards, the ship, it clipped him.”

“If you weren’t so obstinate, you could have been in the pod moments sooner, and Shepard moments sooner. Damn it Jeff.”

Sif started to cry. “Just say it. Tell me, if you would have been a moment sooner, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Joker took her hands in his, “You’re right, if I was less stubborn, I would have been a few seconds earlier, and Shepard wouldn’t have been spaced. He’d still be here, we’d still be flying, and you’d still be broke, and sad.”

Sif’s eyes opened wide. She couldn’t believe he admitted it. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” Hearing him take responsibility for this, made her instantly feel better. “I’m glad you survived.”

“I can’t tell if you’re serious.”

Sif walked over to Joker and hugged him. “Therapy must be good for you.”

He hugged her back, he let her wavy hair fill his face with the scent of her shampoo. “I talk about you in therapy.”

“Sorry, I must really have messed you up.” She said sadly.

“No - I don’t think you understand, I miss Shepard, and I blame myself, but had I lost you instead? I can’t explain to you what that would have done to me.” He kissed the top of her head. She flinched. “Sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever done that to you before.”

Sif smiled in his chest. “I liked it.”

“I keep playing in my mind over and over, wha happened that day. I wasn’t trying to be the big pilot and save the Normandy for my glory, I was trying to save it for you. For us. It was our home. It was our lively hood. I’m going to make it up to you I swear.” He rested his chin on her head.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She said timidly.

“You didn’t even raise your voice. You just got a little excited. No ones calling the cops here.” He smiled. She buried her head into him as far as it would go, and breathed in his scent of fresh washed laundry.

——

A year had gone by and still they weren’t reassigned. Being on leave was one thing, but no end date in sight was another.

Joker and Sif seemed to be getting closer each day to losing their minds being grounded, but found solace in spending it together. They used this time to brush up on their flight skills, and Sif with her biotic skills. They cooked together, and even made the trip out to Tiptree together.

Jokers parents loved Sif. So did his sister Hilary.

They spent their time on the farm on the outreaches of civilization. They watched the stars at night, right in the edge of the galaxy.

They laid in hay on the ground and watched the sky.

“They aren’t called northern lights here, what do you call them?” Sif asked.

“Auroras - well I do anyway.”

Sif shifted in her place. “Do you think the universe knows yet?”

“Knows what?” He asked confused to a question that came out of no where.

“That there are things coming. The things like Sovereign.” She whispered.

Joker rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. The moonshine played across her face, and he examined the look in her eye. He mustered all he could, to not break her heart.

“I don’t think anyone is doing anything about it. When Shep was spaced, it was almost like the end. No one out there to filigree it out, no one anyone could trust anyway.” He said as he reached for her finger tips. “Sorry, but I honestly think - things are happening and we are all gonna end up dead before we know what’s really going on.”

Sif returned the gesture. She held his hand as tight as she could without hurting him.

“I’m afraid Jeff.” She gasped.

“I will never let anything happen to you, it’ll be okay. At least if need be, we can steal a ship and get the hell outta here.” He grinned at her.

“Maybe people need hope. They know something’s going on out there.”

“Like?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Your mom, and Hilary. They feel a weird tension throughout the galaxy. Your mom was talking about when she was done working last year, before they moved here, how people were talking a lot about Reapers and the past…”

“I didn’t think anyone cared.”

“Neither did I. We know what the Reapers can do. So I changed the subject. I told her I wasn’t feeling great.”

“You okay?” He asked concerned.

“Told her I’m probably pregnant or something.” She laughed.

“What?!”

“Then I told her if I was it would be her first grandchild. Jeff she lost her mind!” Sif cackled.

“Why would you do that?!”

Sif sat up and looked him straight in the eye. The illuminated skin on his cheeks was rosy, and his eyes seemed concerned yet amused.

He wanted to kiss her. To make love to her right there in the darkness of space. He wanted all of her. Her love, her heart - all he had to do was take what she so silently offered. The last year he slept next to her had been different, it felt as if he was sleeping next to the ghost of what he could have, but his brain kept telling him no.

He put his hand on her cheek and smiled, “I’m mean, I’m flattered you want that with me, but why tell her?”

“We all need hope, I mean there’s no way in hell you’d touch me, but your mom seemed to forget her troubles for a while. I figured it was a good trade off.” She fiendishly grinned.

Joker’s eyes gave him away. Inside he would be thrilled to have a kid, with this woman, who had done nothing but treated him with kindness their whole friendship, but not now. Not ever. He wasn’t going to pass on Vrolijks syndrome to anyone.

“Did she calm down?”

“Oh yea, I told her I was kidding - but she’s convinced we are a couple now, so you better play along.”

Joker laid back down and watched the stars again. There was no one else he’d rather be with.

“Oh I’ll get you, don’t worry. I’ll make you regret that.” He grinned.

“I’d like to see you try.”

They continued staring gazing for a while, all the time he hadn’t let go of her hand.

———

As night rolled along on Tiptree Sif had finally made her way to her room. For the first time in years she had her own bed, her own space.

It was almost too quiet.

She was so used to it being occupied by Jeff she felt alone.

She quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, then crawled into bed, and swiftly kicked her pants off. She hated sleeping in clothes, but she had little choice when they were together.

She reached under her shirt and took off her bra, and then her shirt.

The clean sheets on her smooth skin was like diving into a pool full of silk. They no enveloped her body, each curve and inch of her was loved by a white sheet.

Just as she was settling in for the night, her door slowly creaked opened.

“Sif?” A voice asked.

“Yea?”

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Joker came into a dim view.

Sif examined him, he was wearing his usual boxers, and tshirt. Blue, always in blue she thought as he moved closer to her.

“Ok so, I know you are enjoying sleeping alone and stuff - but I’m not. Can I bunk in with you?” He asked almost as if he was expecting a cutting remark.

“Really Jeff? Really? I just got naked.”

She could feel him tense. He was so uncomfortable around her clothed, the mere thought of her being naked scared him.

“I’m uh…I’m sorry.” He stammered.

Sif sighed, “the things I do for you.” She reached down and picked up her shirt and underwear. Just as quickly as she was comfy she was again being choked by the material that kept her from full comfort.

“I’ve got underwater in, but I’m not putting on shorts! I want to enjoy these sheets.” She smiled.

“I can handle that.”

Joker crawled in beside Sif. It was second nature these years later, as he rolled onto his side facing away.

“Thank you.” He quietly said.

Sif laid there, realizing her one chance to enjoy being alone was gone. Then she grinned, if anything this’ll be great to tease him with tomorrow she thought.

“Sif?”

“Yes?”

Joker turned to face the back of her head and crawled closer to her.

“Could I…” he took deep breath, “could I hold you?” He asked as if he had no idea what he was doing.

“It’s only fair, you let me holding you all the time.”

Joker got I closer and put his arm around her. He held her tight to his body as their breathing synced and he fell into the best sleep he had ever had.

——-

The next day, the Moreau family sat down to dinner. Sif had helped Jeff’s mom prepare. It was a full on earth type turkey with the fixings.

Sif loved that she was far from home but these things were part of human normality. They weren’t celebrating anything, they were just happy to be together.

The last time Joker was with his family was right before he was assigned to the Normandy. It had been a few years, so there was a lot of talking to make up for.

She could see why he joked. No one in his family was serious. Until Hilary looked at Joker and asked:

“So you’ve been together how long and you didn’t want to tell us?” She said taking a bite of her potatoes.

Sif and Joker looked at each other.

“You know it’s a lot longer than anyone would ever have guessed.” he said.

“Well that’s good, it would be weird if you two were hooking up and not even a couple.”

“What?” Sif blinked twice.

“Last night, I know Jeff went to sleep with you, he walked right passed me like a sheepish puppy.” Hilary smiled.

Sif saw Jokers cheeks turn red, and he held back a smile while looking down at his massacred plate.

“You know Hilary, I wasn’t going to say anything but we have been together together for a very long time.” He responded.

“Whatever.”

“No really son, how long?” His dad asked.

“Sif and I are like married together - long time ago. We just didn’t tell anyone.” He took a bite of his food.

Sif didn’t know what was happening. Jeff was playing along far too well, she couldn’t let it go, especially now that Hilary saw them sleeping in the same room.

Jeff’s parents eyes were wide and what looked like on the verge of happy tears.

“Jeff honey, why didn’t you tell us?” His mother asked.

“Thought we’d get a better chance, but things kept

Coming up, and you know here we are like 6 years later?” He smiled at his plate then nudged Sifs foot with his.

“Surprise?” She said with a painful smile.

“You’re not married.” Hilary said.

“What makes you think that?” Sif asked.

“First of all, no one would want my brother. He’s a dork. Second, I might believe you guys are together, but you don’t even hold hands. And third, where’s your rings?”

Joker smiled at Sif. “She got us on that one. Damn it, we should have bought rings!”

“See? I mean you don’t need rings, but it’s what married people do. I’m not even sure I believe youre boyfriend girlfriend.”

“Well believe what you want.” Jeff said eating his peas.

“I will give you number one too, he is a dork.” Sif winked at Hilary.

“Well there goes my hopes!” His mother said clearing her plate.

“Mom I’m sorry, Sif told me about her baby joke and I told her I was gonna get her back.”

“Seems fair enough. You two had me going long enough I was done thinking about what was in the news today.” She said.

“What’s on the news?” Sif asked anxiously.

“Colonies of people are going missing, with no trace, just gone.” Jokers dad explained. “They are blaming it on Collectors. Whatever the hell they are.”

Sif exchanged a glance with Jeff. He reached down, squeezed her thigh., and nodded.

“I think I need to go for a walk, Hilary, you wanna come with me?” Sif asked.

“Sure! Leave Jeff with the dishes! My type of dinner.”

After the girls left Jeff sat around with his mom and dad one he was done the dishes.

“Son, how bad is it?” His dad asked.

“You need to watch out. I can’t tell you how bad it is, but you need to be prepared.” He said, his glass of Scotch vibrating in his hand.

“Jeff, should we run?” His mother asked.

“Look I don’t know what to tell you. Sif and I have been grounded for the last year, and we haven’t been reassigned. Most I know is bad shits gonna happen, and we are out of touch with it. You and dad should move to the citadel, or somewhere closer anyway.”

“We are the farthest reaches from the catalyst of anything, we’ll be fine out here.” His dad reassure him. “It’s why we picked Tiptree.”

“Then promise me this, you notice anything, you run. Pack your bags, have them ready and run.”

“Of course, don’t worry.” His mother said, holding his face in her hand.

Jeff sat there looking between his parents. They were getting older, but not weaker. He loved them. They took care of him. He wished he could give them a better life.

“While you were washing the dishes your mom and I were discussing you and Sif.”

“Oh it’s nothing, we’re just friends, you guys know that.”

“We do, but the way you two look at each other, says differently.” His mom said.

Jeff thought through the last few days, he had been looking at her differently lately. She’s the only person he spends any time with, maybe that’s why. He brushed it off.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Jeff you went and slept with her. That’s gotta mean something.” His dad grinned.

“Ugh, it’s complicated. We don’t hook up if that’s what you mean. That’s something I never thought I’d say to you guys. Whoa. No we sleep together, literally sleep in the same bed.”

“Don’t you find that odd?” His mother asked him.

“Not for as long as we’ve been doing it. It’s normal for us.” He knew he’d have to explain. “Ok so let me break it down for you….” And he went onto explain his relationship with Sif.

“So you’re friends that’s it?” His mother asked him, broken hearted. “Never anything ever more?”

Jeff could see she needed something to grasp to.

Hope.

“Do I love her? Absolutely. Will I ever be her husband? I can’t, not with Vrolijks. I want her to have kids and a home with a man who can carry her past the threshold. I’ll never get to do that.”

His mother’s eyes seemed to be even more sad. “If I somehow got a bit better, I would.” He smiled at his mom.

“That’s all I needed to hear. Take these.” His mom said handing him a small box.

“What’s this?” He slowly opened the green vellum hatch.

“It’s my rings, and your dads. For when you decide to make it official. Whenever, or even if you two plan on fooling anyone ever again, at least you’ll have some rings.” She grinned.

“I can’t take these.”

“Take them son, we always planned to give them to you. We love Sif, so does Hilary. Even if nothing happens, at least you have them for the future.” His dad smiled.

Jeff grinned down at the three rings.

“You guys are too much. Thank you.”

[sifinspace]

“You’re sure you want to come along with me?” Sif asked Jeff.

“Yea, I think it would be interesting to see this place you always talk about.”

“It’s not what it used to be.” She said as she folded her sweater and packed a few other clothing items.

“Boots?” He asked holding up a pair.

“Boots.”

————-

Sif and Joker made it to Earth. The base was actually in between and underneath the Rocky Mountain Range. It seemed ideal for the Alliance to have a strong hold there, not much can move a mountain. They were welcomed and treated like hero’s.

The pair didn’t expect such a warm welcome, but they were given ample provisions for their short drive.

Sif got into the drivers seat of the old pick up truck, and Joker climbed into the passenger seat.

They didn’t say much, as the sky started to get darker, and the moon decided to shine brightly on their journey. After about an hour, Sif pulled over.

She put on her hat, and mits, and zipped up her coat. Joker did the same.

Once they were both out of the truck, she walked over to Joker and grabbed his arm.

“Here, let me lead you.” She said.

“Where did you bring me? Looks like a ghost town.”

“It wasn’t always like this.” Sif sadly explained, as she looked to the once busy shore of Lake Moraine. “It used to be swarming with tourists, from all over the planet, they’d come here to see the turquoise water, and the mountain tops. It was a jewel in the heart of the Rockies.” She let out a heavy sigh, her breath cold, swirled up to the atmosphere.

“What was that?” Joker pointed to a building.

“That was the resort, people would pay top dollar to stay here, and enjoy the scenery. Then it became over crowded, and people stopped coming in droves. Then space travel happened, and people stopped coming here all together. There was no more reason to see nature in it’s glory, the Citadel was far more exciting.”

Sif lead Joker to the shore, and stood there silently for a minute.

“Damn it’s cold. Why would you want to do this?” He asked.

“Because it’s peaceful.”

“It’s dark, it’s cold, and I’m probably going to die.”

“Don’t be such a diva Jeff, you’re fine.”

Sif took Jokers gloved hand and lead him across the frozen lake. She didn’t make him walk too far - she didn’t want to over burden him.

She looked up, the moon was bright.

“Here, lay down.” She said.

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Trust me.”

“If I get hypothermia, it’s on you.” Joker reluctantly said as he laid down on the fresh powdered snow.

Sif started to pile it on top and around him. “There, better?”

“Surprisingly yes.”

Sif laid down next to him, and focused her eyes on the stars.

“You know, when I was little, I remember laying here, looking at the sky and wondering what it would be like to fly up there some day, I guess that dream’s finally come true.” She reminisced.

“You could say that.” Joker grabbed her hand and pointed it up. “See that! I think that’s the citadel, it’s big enough.” He seemed excited.

Sif moved their hands to another cluster. “See that? That’s the Andromeda galaxy. I want to go there someday.”

“No ones gone there yet.”

“Someday someone will, and I want to fly into it. Be one of the first to navigate the uncharted.” She grinned.

“You have an aptitude for the uncharted.” He replied.

Sif laid there and watched the stars dance in the sky, their breath swirling above their faces. She remembered this being her last memory from earth that she loved. Everything else was useless.

“Before my dad abandoned me, he brought me here.” She started. “He took me out to the Lake, and told me to wait here for him. At that time, it was still full of tourists. I laid down and watched the stars, and waited for him to come back from the bathroom over at the Resort. I pictured him bringing us hot chocolates, and him listening to what I had to babble about.”

Joker shifted, she had never mentioned her biological father before.

“He never came back. He left me here. Someone had come to check on me, and they told me to come in or I’d freeze.” Her voice broke. “All I wanted to do was share something special with him, I wasn’t good enough, he decided to leave me here.”

“I thought he died?” Joker said, reaching for her hand again.

“He did. He went back to his truck, and drank himself into a stupor, then that road, is where he drove off a cliff on, but not before taking a family and their car with him.” She sniffed.

“You never told me that before.”

“It wasn’t important, I wanted you to know why I wanted to come here.” she said.

“This doesn’t sound like a good memory.” He said tenderly.

“It’s not, but it reminds me of everything that happened before he drove off. The hope I had. I wanted to be at peace for once in our life. We deal with so much up there, we needed a moment to remember what it was like before anything bad ever happened…or I do at least.” Her eye lashes started to freeze.

Joker laid there and let that sink in. His best friend was willing to share something that gave her complete peace before the biggest storm in her life. She wanted to share it with him, hoping it would help him relax, she wanted him to remember the good feeling this gave her, not the ones that followed.

He squeezed her gloved hand.

“Do you hate him?” He asked her.

“No. Not anymore.”

“Do you hate your mom?”

“No. I looked her up, and she was a drug addict. She died at 27 after having me from a heroine induced coma. They didn’t get the Naloxone to her in time. She suffered enough.”

“I didn’t know that either.” He said. For all the life they shared, he never had known about her younger years. She never talked about them.

“I didn’t know my real name.” She said.

“What?”

“I didn’t know what it was until I wanted to look my mother up. My dad was easy, I searched for “Man abandons daughter, drives off cliff” they didn’t name me in the article, so that was a bust.”

“Didn’t you have family? Anything?” He asked, concern flooded his voice.

“No, nothing. I was 5 I didn’t even know he had died until I was placed with my first foster family and a they told me what happened.”

“What was your name?” Joker asked.

“Dany.”

“That’s pretty.”

“It means unwanted in Polish.” She sighed. “It’s what I was.”

Joker sat up and rubbed his mite together. Sif helped him to hit feet, and started walking back to their truck. Before they reached it, he stopped and let the moon light reflect off of Sifs eyes.

“You’re wanted. Never think otherwise.” Joker smiled, his cheeks pink from the cold. “You’re the one person in this world I care more about than myself. You always have been.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“You are wanted by so many - you are the best thing to happen to me.”

Joker enveloped her in a hug.

————-

The rest of their shore leave was enjoyable. Sif and Joker spent it in a hot tub with other Alliance who were on time off as well.

They sat in the most beautiful place Joker had ever seen. He made sure to take a few pictures to remember this adventure.

Finally back at the Normandy, and after having a few days off, it was time to start searching for the Geth once again.

Shepard had just given them coordinates to an anomaly the alliance had found in the way out spaces.

As they approached the beacon signal location, there was a mass eruption.

Fire shot from a cloaked ship, and tore the Normandy in half.

“Joker, what the hell was that!” Shouted Shepard through the coms.

“I have no idea, I’m going to hold together this ship till I can get somewhere safe. Joker out.”

Shepard gabbed his helmet and ordered Liara to get everyone she could off of the ship in escape pods. Shepard made his way up to the command center. As he did he saw the full extent of the damage.

The entire upper portion of the ship was gone. It was nothing but vast space as he used his gravity boots to walk along the broken bay of the ship to the helm. He moved faster when he could see a familiar form floating in the zero gravity.

“SIF!” He yelled. She was tethered to the ship. “Sif, SIF.” Hé tried to yell louder. Nothing, space swallowed his words. He opened the closest pod, and put her inside. A gash of red trickled down her forehead. Her helm cracked. She looked like she had been struck by something.

Shepard closed the pod door and made his way over the helm. Joker sat in his chair, with his force field behind him, giving him the last bit of oxygen he could muster from the ship.

“JOKER It’s time to go!” Shepard ordered.

“I can save her, I CAN STILL SAVE HER.” His labored words echoed in Shepards head.

“No, it’s too late, we have to get you out here.” He grabbed Joker.

“Hey eh, watch the arm.”

Shepard hauled him to the pod he had thrown Sif into, and opened the door.

“Sif!” Joker saw her laying on the floor. It was as if his mind stopped thinking of the Normandy completely, and he went willingly to her side. He turned back to grab shepards hand to help him in, and as their fingertips nearly touched, he was stolen away by a piece of debris.

“NO!” Joker looked to the pod door and the floor where his friend laid. Shepard was gone, floating across space, with no hope of being saved. Joker his the launch button and shot the pod into space.

He sat on the floor and examined his friend.

“What the hell did you get up to? I said to go and examine the console, not get dead, you never listen.” Joker looked black to the observation portal, and could see Shepards lifeless body continue to fall downwards into the planets orbit. He shuddered. He was responsible. If he had only not come to rescue him, Shepard would still be alive. He’s be in the pod with them, and they’d be laughing about this tomorrow.

Joker put his face in his hands. The realization of what just happened kicked in. He was so stubborn - he needed to change. To watch Shepard struggle in outer space for air, to watch his lifeless body - who was he going to tell he saw the commander in his last moments.

He was devastated. He threw his head back and groaned.

“What - where am I?” A weak voice came from below.

“You, you’re alive.” He said, examining her face, her head, and her arms.

“Jeff? What happened?” She asked slowly.

“You were definitely knocked out, what hit you?”

“Something hard. I had clipped myself to the ship when you told me you saw something, and I turned on my helm at the same time.” She slowly started to sit up. “What happened - why are we in a pod?”

“The Normandy is gone.” He said looking down, “We were ambushed. That ship got us in one hit.”

Sif focused her eyes, and swayed to her left. “Who made it out?”

“I’m not sure yet, we did, Shepard threw you into the pod, and me behind you.”

Sif seemed to understand what was happening. “I think I’m broken.” She muttered.

“Where?” Joker started to examine her legs, and her torso.

Sif tried to get up to sit on the bench seat. She wasn’t able to. She rolled up her pant leg, and exposed a dislocate knee.

“How did that happen?” He asked.

“I have no idea. I took a hit to the head then blacked out.” She felt her forehead. The blood had started to harden. “I need something for this pain.”

“Where does it hurt?”

“My knee and my head. Might have broken a rib.” She said tenderly touching her chest. “Just get me to the med bay when we get to the Citadel.”

Sif started to lay down.

“No, you can’t fall asleep. That’s the ordered for a concussion. Which I’m pretty sure you have.” Joker sat her back up.

“How long till we get here.” She asked.

“I’m not sure, we weren’t far into our flight when this happened. Couple hours maybe.” He could see she was in distress. “Here, lay your head on my lap, and ill keep you awake.”

Sif didn’t argue, she laid down, and put her head on Jokers lap. He took ripped a piece of his shirt off, and started to dab at her forehead. The blood kept oozing through the crusted bits. The gash was deeper than he thought it was.

“Even the Normandy was out to get you with this one.” He smiled down at her.

“The Normandy was the only thing I had that I called home.” Her eyes started to fill it tears, and soon they were running down her face, faster than she could wipe them away.

Joker dabbed at them for her, and moved the hair out of her face.

“Anywhere we are together, is home.”

_______

After arriving back at the Citadel, Joker rushed Sif up to Huerta Hospital. She had been seen immediately, as well as any of the Normandy crew who had come in from the explosion. Joker sat impatiently, as the doctors gave Sif anesthetic, and popped her knee back into place.

They then glued her forehead gash, and reset her big toe. She was in worse shape than she had thought. Her rib was a lost cause, they couldn’t do anything for it but time. Her appendix needed to be removed as well, it was on the verge of rupturing.

As she laid on her hospital bed, Joker sat there replaying all the events of the last 12 hours, not letting go of her hand the entire time.

“Joker, what the hell happened?” Captain Anderson asked as he walked through the doors.

“We were ambushed, no idea there was a ship there. They had sent out a bogus beacon.” His responses were short, straight to the point. Just like the military taught them.

“Where’s Shepard.”

Joker slowly stood. “He didn’t make it sir. I watched him get spaced from the pod’s observation portal. He was about to get in behind me, and a piece of the ship cause him, and launched him into orbit.” He looked down, clearly saddened by this.

Anderson paused, almost contemplating his next steps. His hair short, and his fatigues a grayish shade of blue.

“You and Sif are grounded until further notice. You have been provided pay, and accommodations off base until we can reassign you both. Considering your special circumstances, we will keep you together. This isn’t my choice, but of the top Admirals. They need time to work through this, and frankly, you both will need to as well. Dismissed.”

Anderson turned and left faster than he appeared. He left Joker in a state of shock.

‘We’ve been grounded? What the hell! All we did was fly the ship.’ Joker rubbed his face with his hands, then walked over to Sif who was still laying in her bed.

“Hey, I don’t know if you can hear me, but it’s Jeff. Can you wake up? We’ve got some stuff to talk about?” He calmly asked her. “Please, I need you.” He rubbed her hand. It was soft. It was always soft. She didn’t move.

“Sif, if you wake up now, I’ll tell you how I’ve decided you and I should totally hook up.” He was trying anything at this point. “Fine, if you wake up right now, I’ll clean the cabin for a month.”

“Deal.” A groggy voice said with a tiny grin. “Jeff you okay?”

“You should have held out for longer, the deals would have gotten better.” He smiled down at her. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore, but the pain meds they gave me are out of this world. What do you need me for, are they discharging me?”

“I was talking to the nurse before I came in here, once you were awake, they were sending you home. Speaking of which, I have some good news.” He tried to act optimistic. “We are moving into the Citadel for a while.”

“I hope it has a view.”

“I’m not sure, Anderson was just here, he told me we are grounded til they are done doing the investigation.” He smoothed it over for her.

“What! I’ll be fine in a few days, no Ill be fine once they give me more pain meds, come on.” She tried to get out of bed. Joker pushed her back down.

“No, he’s right, we need time to recover from this.” He looked down at his hand that was still on her shoulder. “We lost nearly everyone from the crew.”

“What?”

“Presley, Gardner, Shepard…all spaced.”

“Shepard?” She asked as if completely sobered from her anesthetic haze. “What do you mean, Shepard.”

“I explained it all in the pod on the way here, do you not remember?”

“I think that is something I’d have paid attention to.”

“You were in pretty bad shape. Shepard was spaced saving …. My life. He pushed me into the pod with you, then got his by a piece of the Normandy.”

Sif’s eyes went large. “So we are just … abandoned by the Alliance, they aren’t going to help us?”

“Anderson said full pay and a place to live until they can reassign us. We should be great full, I think you’ll take a bit to get over this, your body wil anyway. How’s your implant?”

Sif channeled her biotics. A blue glow started to come from her left hand. “It’s fine.”

Joker knew she was still trying to process what he just told her. He was too. He didn’t know how to explain what would come next, nor did he know. He crawled into bed beside her, and hid his face in her dirt caked hair.

[sifinspace]

Fancy footwork and maneuvering for the Normandy through the Mass relay brought the crew closer to their end game. Shepard stood behind his pilots as they continued to doge Geth ships to make it back to the Citadel.

Shepards grasp on the back of their seats was enough to keep one he was ready. Joker hovered above the landing zone while Sif manually aimed the cannons at oncoming hostiles.

Her aim was superb and her hits were never even close to a miss.

“Great aim Sif.” Shepard said as he put his helmet on.

His N7 suit glimmering in the dim light, and the marks of battle still visible.

“How are we going to get down there? There’s no room for a landing!” Ashely shouted.

“I can make it!” Joker yelled.

“Are you kidding, there’s no way in hell you’re going to actually land this thing.” Shepard retorted.

“I’ll launch you in the Mako. Trust me, I’ve got this.” Joker sat up and readjusted himself. “Go!”

“Are you kidding, you want us to trust…” Ashley scoffed.

“Go.” Sif said sternly.

“He’s right, they can do this, I’ve seen Joker do crazier.” Sheppard said.

“Thanks Commander.” Joker grinned.

“Get as far as you can without loosing coms. Let the ship look desolate, and protect yourselves. I’m taking Liara and Ash.” He started to walk away.

“Hey Shep!” Sif shouted as she turned around, “Give em hell.”

Shepard nodded his head and saluted Sif. She turned back to her station.

————-

“This is painful. It keeps, just going on and on.” Sif lamented.

“It’ll be okay. They are all trained, we will have our friends back in no time.” Tali’s voice chimed over Sid’s heat set.

“Yea, with the calibrations I put into those guns, and the ones they took, it’s going to be an easy fight.” Garrus added.

“If you ever, need to calibrate something not man made, I have a few items I could use help with.” Tali said.

“Sounds good. Once this is done.” Garrus replied.

Sif raised a corner of her mouth. Quarian flirtation was beautiful.

——

What seemed like hours flew by. Ilos was colorful from the helm. It looked like someone poured paint all over their screens. Reds, oranges, greens. Nothing could settle a heart like a beautiful sunset, even this one.

They kept waiting.

And waiting.

“We have made it to the archives. Ill send you the file.” Shepard buzzed through the coms. “We are going to follow Saren through the portal - meet us back at the Citadel!”

Joker and Sif exchanged looks. “Go time.” He said.

They locked the Citadel onto the nearest Mass Effect and swung the entire ship through it, being shot out in the Sol System near the Citadel.

As they approached they would see Sovereign and the ships attacking.

They had replayed the file that Shepard sent them, Vigil told them all they needed to know about what was going on. This was what everyone had feared. The Reapers, the end of humanity.

Sif shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She swore there were already fingernail imprints on the arm rests. Grasping them was her anxious outlet when on missions, and she had a death hold on them like never before.

“Look at that, it’s going to consume everything in the Citadel…” Sif quietly said when she saw the massive alien ship engulfing the Citadel.

“Not everything, come on, you know better.” Joker said to lighten the mood.

“Do you ever, EVER worry?” She asked.

“Nah, you know that. Shep’s got it in the bag.” He said flying closer to the Citadel and the approaching alien ships.

He was afraid, his glibness didn’t mean he didn’t worry. He worried a lot. More so in recent months than he ever had.

“You’re always right….what will you do one day when I’m actually right?” She asked him.

“That’s the day Ill admit you’re a better pilot than me, even if you’re not.”

“I never said I was a better pilot, ever.”

“I know, but thats what I mean, I’d admit that!”.

“Ill take it I guess.” She grinned.

Finally there was movement down below. Sovereign was detaching from the citadels communication hub, and the Alliance fleet was closing in.

“Joker, Sif, the Alliance fleet is going to head to the Destiny Ascension to save the Counsel. Joker, prepare to extract us.” Shepard’s com buzzed.

“Locations are locked.” Sif confirmed.

“Let’s get them.” Joker said.

———————-

The Counsel was saved. Shepard had just left to meet with them in person.

Shepard took his whole missions team with him.

Sif and joker stayed back, they liked to stay out of the eye of Politicians at any cost, even if they weren’t in hot water. It gave them some time to breathe, and collect themselves after the finality of the last mission.

“So Sovereign is a Reaper ship? That’s being piloted by the Geth and Krogan?” Joker asked.

“Yea., and apparently it was the flag ship for Saren, but you know what happens, where one is, more are to follow, especially if that involves Geth.” Sif sighed.

“That’s wild. I wonder what it looked like on board.”

“I do not want to find out. Ever.” Sif shook her head. “But we are done with that, whatever mission they send us on next is probably going to be equally exciting, don’t worry, you’re going to be the pilot that saves the day, as always. That Mako drop was amazing.” Sif smiled.

“I impressed myself too. I mean, I knew I could do it, but with eyes actually watching, that stress is real.”

Joker pushed some buttons on his console and the engine of the Normandy started to hum slower. “May as well put her to sleep for a bit, we might actually get some shore leave after this.”

“That would be amazing.” Sif smiled.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

“Oh the usual, have a drink or two, get some sleep, wander the Citadel and try to convince you to fall in love with me.” She teased.

Joker smirked, then realized he was smiling. He wiped it from his face. “We can get drinks, want to go back to earth for a few days?”

“I always do - it’s winter still there, aren’t you worried about breaking a leg?”

“Nah, for you I’ll go.”

—————-

Shepard had been decorated as a Specter and a paragon on the Citadel while he was meeting with the counsel, there wasn’t a parade, or a huge show of it, but the whole crew knew, and were proud of him. The first human specter, really was a big deal.

Humanity finally found its place in the universe and even had Udina put on the Counsel. Sif wasn’t his biggest fan, but she’s prefer him to most people in that position of power. Something about him caused her to feel uneasy.

With Sovereign destroyed, and Saren’s death, it was time to properly mourn those they lost.

—————

“Lieutenant, you ready?”

Sif’s door opened to Shepard walking in.

“I’m ready.” She said.

He walked over to Sif as she sat in her recliner next to the bed. She looked up at Shepard and back down to the floor again.

“I wouldn’t have left the Normandy, or you Commander. Just so we are clear.” She admitted.

“I didn’t think you would, I knew Joker was just blowing off steam.”

“I’m trying to say, I was embarrassed how that played out. It was a irrational decision, that I made, and Jeff took it badly.” She kicked a fluff on the ground.

Shepard sat across from her on the bed, and reached forward.

“We’ve worked together for a long time Sif, it’s okay. It really is. I’m sorry he embarrassed you, but if its any consolation, I didn’t take what he said to heart.” He reassured her.

“I wanted Kaiden to have hope, that’s all. For the first time, I felt … “ she trailed off.

“Wanted?”

“Does every one know how I feel about Jeff?” She raised an eyebrow.

“No, no ones said anything, but remember, we’ve worked together a long time. I watch you guys all the time, I know what’s going on. Your music, your banter. I figured something was going on.”

“Well, nothing’s going on if it’s any consolation. It never will. That’s why I said yes so fast.” She cleared her throat.

“I get it. It’s nice to be wanted, it’s nice to be appreciated.” He smiled.

“Yea, I’m glad you have that with Ash.” She grinned.

“How do you - “

“I know everything…it’s surprising what people tell me on this ship. You know Presley…I know the tea.” She chuckled.

Shepard smiled back at her. She could understand why Ash liked him. He was handsome, loved the galaxy, and cared for people. He was the commander, the specter all humanity needed. He reached for her hand and held it for a moment.

“I’m still sorry about Kaiden. He was a good solider, a good man. Probably the best of us.” He rubbed her hands.

Sif nodded. “Thanks Shepard, I mean it, thank you.”

“Any time you need to be reminded at what you mean to anyone, the crew, Joker, me, just ask. I’ll tell you in a heart beat.”

“What do I mean to you?” She asked curiously as she stood to prepare to leave.

Shepard smiled at her, stood and took her hand. “Sif you mean the Normandy to me. You mean safety, and life. There are only two people in this world I trust to sit at the helm, and you’re one of them. I trust you with my whole being, and any who fly on our ship.”

She smiled at him. “I needed that.”

As they walked out of the cabin, Shepard handed her a plaque.

LT Kaiden Alenko. Stamped on cold steel.

“It’s for the wall, it’s most appropriate that you put it up.” Shepard said.

Sif choked back a sniffle. “I miss him.”

Shepard walked closer to Sif. “Permission to hug you?”

She nodded.

Shepard wrapped her in his arms and gave her the biggest hug she had ever had. She let herself tear up and appreciate someone doing this. He held on a little longer, and Sif composed herself.

“Thank you. I know why you are the best choice for a Spectre- you really do care about your crew. That’s what makes you so good.” She forced a smile. “I’m proud to serve you.”

—————

After Kaidens brief memorial, the crew disbanded, and made their way to their bunks. Sif rejoined Joker in the helm, to await further orders. As much as she wanted shore leave, she’d be fine with not having any. She didn’t know if she really wanted to go to Earth for a vacation, or to run away from her thoughts.

Shepard walked into the helm and greeted the two of them.

“We are going to take a bit of shore leave, then start to trace where the Geth are coming from. I think 5 days is appropriate. We don’t want the Geth to get too far ahead. While you’re on leave, I’m going to send out some smaller ships to do some reconnaissance. Just scouting ships.” He said very authoritatively.

“Sounds good Commander.” Sif said standing at attention.

“What do you plan on doing?” He asked.

“I think I’m going to go back to earth. I looked into where the nearest alliance base is to the mountains, and I think that’s what I’m going to do.” She nodded.

“Want some company?” Joker looked over his shoulder.

“If you’d like. It’s cold though right now.” She said hoping it would shake him off.

“That’s fine, you told me how great snow can be, so I figure I should go and see it for myself.” he responded.

“Great, you two seem to have it all planned out. Ill see you soon.” Shepard saluted them and left.

[sifinspace]

Sif wanted to hurl. This was not how she planned her departure to go. She wasn’t even sure why she was leaving, but after the way he responded she thought it was the right idea.

Joker had come back to the helm after 10 minutes walking around with Shepard. He assured her he’d be fine for the Vermire mission and was ready to talk once the ground crew had touched base.

Sif’s stomach turned multiple times over the fact that she had hurt her best friend, and nothing she could say would help make it right quickly.

She should have talked to him, but Kaiden needed the answer. He needed it to get through these next missions. She could feel her face flush.

She was ashamed - but also happy she was going to have a new life.

Kaiden, Shepard and Ashley all left the shuttle and began their trek through Vermire.

Joker and Sif only had basic communication from them, but all sounded well and fine.

There were Geth everywhere, but they kept the Normandy just far enough away to be secure.

Sif and Joker sat insilence. Jeff being angry was harder than expected for her to handle.

As the hours ticked away, Sif grew more and more tense. She got up and did a few stretches. Her back was so tight from anxiety, her jaw clenched.

They just got word the crew had met up with a bunch of Salarian infantry there for the same purpose. They had planned to help Shepard and his team get the bomb to where it needed to be.

Sif liked the Salarians, they were straight to the point, and intelligent. She had drinks one night with a few when she was on shore leave. Interesting creatures.

Joker turned to her. “Ok, we need to be on alert, Sarren is here.”

Sif nodded and sat back in her seat. She took a drink of cold water and put her head set on. Anything could happen at this point. Shepard even left the coms open for them to listen.

They had split into two teams, Ashely went with the Salarians to protect the front while Kaiden and Shepard went in deep and started to activate the bomb that would help destroy the Geth transponder.

Sif didn’t like this. She had a bad feeling, or she was still ill from when Jeff yelled at her. The memories that flooded her mind when he did that hurt more than anyone ever knew.

Jeff knew. She knew he knew.

Rushed words came over the coms. Shepard was trying to make a decision. One that seemed to involve his two companions.

“Look you don’t have a choice. Leave me, save Ash.” Kaidens voice said.

“There’s always a choice.” Shepard responded.

“I’m overwhelmed here, someone tell me what to do.” Ash shouted into the com.

The line went silent.

“Do it Shepard. Go save Ash.”

“Kaiden.”

“Go!”

“Joker - Sif prepare of extraction. Go to Williams location. I’ll meet you there.”

“There could be time to get Alenko!” Ashley shouted.

“No, keep them busy for five minutes, itlll give us enough time to…” kaidens voice was cut off.

“Alright, extraction in progress.” Joker replied.

Sifs grip tightened on her chair arm. Relief, sadness, anger all wafted over her body.

“Extraction complete.” Sif gave Joker a thumbs up.

“Thanks.” He replied.

Shepards voice came through if he the coms. “There’s no time for Alenko, get us out of here.”

The last breaths of a man left to death rang over the coms. No words, just the agonizing sound of a man drowning in his own blood.

Joker shut off the com to Sifs headset.

She was relieved.

They made their way back to safe space and everyone was gathered into the briefing room.

Sif sat still in her chair while Joker got up to leave. “You coming?”

She was frozen in thought. She just heard the dying breaths of someone she had made plans with. Someone she just started to want to love. She couldn’t move.

Joker put his hand in her arm. “I’ll fill you in.”

Sif didn’t flinch. She sat there with her vision focused on her monitors and her brain running full steam.

‘I should be angry. I should be devastated.’ She closed her eyes allowing them to moisten. ‘I’m relieved. I…. Didn’t really want to abandon the Normandy or crew.’ She let out a long shallow breath. ‘I should have had slept with him. Just once. I’m a horrible person. He trusted me he believed it would happen. He really thought we’d go to earth. Now he’s gone. His dying breaths will live forever in my mind.’

The bitter sweet of Kaidens death was too much for her to bear. She remained frozen in her state of shock until Joker returned.

“You alright?” He asked, not knowing how to come back from being a complete asshole.

She didn’t move.

“Sif, come with me.” Shepard said as he walked into the helm.

She didn’t move.

“I think she’s in shock.” Joker responded for her.

Shepard crouched beside Sifs chair and placed his hand on hers. His hand wound around her fingers and Joker shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

“I’m going to take you to your cabin. You need a bit to unravel what just happened.” He said in a way she’d never heard him speak before.

Slowly she turned to look at Shepard. Their eyes met.

“I’m okay.” She quietly said.

“You’re not okay Sif, you haven’t moved in an hour.” Shepard said.

“Has it been that long?” She asked.

“It’s been that long.” Joker said.

Sif slowly turned and got out of her chair. Shepards fingers still clasped around her hand. She walked three steps led by Shepard and turned to look at Joker.

“Happy?” She said.

She turned and continued to allow the Commander to escort her back to her cabin.

————

‘I am the biggest asshole.’ Joker screamed in his mind. ‘I can’t do anything right. Fuck!’

He sat in his seat, frustrated by his anger toward Sif, and his reaction. He didn’t have to do that. He scared her he actually scared her.

‘I lost my cool. Shepard walked in, I - I can’t believe I embarrassed her like that.’ He slammed his fist into the arm of his chair.

‘Then Kaiden goes and dies all in the same breath. And I become to real ass.’ He leaned his head back. ‘This is all a bad dream. Kaiden died, but I never yelled at the one woman who was just trying to maneuver some love in her life. No I wouldn’t do that…. Shit. I did.’

The realization that he blew up made the sting even greater.

The worse part was realizing Kaiden gave his life willingly. Almost as if he knew he had no future.

“Shit.”

——-

“Go see her.” Shepard ordered Joker.

“After what I did?”

“Especially after what you did.” He said squarely.

Joker got up and walked to his cabin. They had recently docked at the Citadel and this was his chance to make things right.

The door opened and Sif was sitting on her side facing the bathroom with her head down.

He didn’t know how to being, so he went over and sat next to her. He noticed she was holding something. A bottle of whiskey it looked like.

“Hey…” he said quietly.

She still didn’t respond. She handed him the note that was in her other hand.

Joker took it and read it carefully.

‘Sif, if I don’t make it back, this is for you. I was saving it for something special. Thanks for everything you’ve given me, especially hope. I know things probably wouldn’t have worked out how we’d planned, but to pretend for a bit was fun.

Don’t miss me too much when I’m gone. Just once in a while, imagine what it would have been like to live in the mountains with me, and how we’d have had the cutest kids. You would have made an amazing mom.

Make sure Joker treats you well, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not worth it, cause you are.

Forget me not,

Love

Kaiden’

“He knew he wasn’t coming back?” Joker asked.

“He had a feeling.” She said.

“So you…”

“I agreed to go back to earth with him, to help motivate him to live. I agreed to go, because for a minute, I felt like it was a good idea. Because I wanted to be wanted. I wish you’d have let me explain.” She quietly whispered.

Joker felt like he had been gut punched. He really was an asshole. “You’re right. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“I’ve never been scared of you. Ever. Till today.”

“I know, that I’m most sorry for.” He put his arm around her shoulder.

She flinched.

“I didn’t realize you’d get so upset with me about something like this.” She muttered.

“I don’t know what happened. I guess it was shocking and I lost it. It was stupid. I yelled at you. I felt like an idiot afterwards.”

“I sure hope so.”

“I will never do that to you again. I made a promise to never do that and I broke it. I’m no better than…” his voice trailed off.

“You are. You just, had a moment.” She said fiddling with the label on the bottle.

“”Why are you always so nice to me? Why?”

“Because I love you Jeff, you know that. You don’t hold shit against someone when you love them.”

This made him feel even worse.

“I’m so sorry. Then I opened my big mouth to Shepard. Seriously you shouldn’t be my friend.”

The pair sat there in silence for a while. Sif put her head on Jeff’s shoulder and he held her tight to him.

“I am relieved you know. I didn’t really want to leave the Normandy, Shepard, or you. Does that make me terrible?”

“Nah, Kaiden was the best of them. I should have been happy you found someone to make your dreams come true.”

“But it felt wrong. Not the entire time, but agreeing to leave. It didn’t sit right.”

“I’m glad. I ……” he trailed off.

“Glad?”

“I didn’t want you to want to leave. It would have made my life boring. I don’t have time to find another co-pilot I actually like.” He grinned.

“True, you’re not easy to get along with.”

“Yea you’re not wrong.”

They continued to sit in the dim light of space, Jeff rested his head on Sif’s.

“Don’t think I’m not devastated.” She said.

“I think you’re sad that’s for sure.”

“He was my friend. When you said you’d come spend time with me, and never did, Kaiden was always there.”

Jeff knew she was right, he never prioritized her.

“How long had you two been spending time together before he made his first move?” He asked.

“Since the day he was assigned to the Normandy. I’d spent time down in the mess with him, or in the cargo bay. Watching the stars, drinking, playing cards or something. He always was company. When Tali and Garrus joined up, they joined in the games too. They felt bad you never ended up spending time with me like you’d always promise you would.”

“I didn’t realize people noticed.” He said slightly embarrassed.

“Yea. Kaiden wasn’t just a guy who I hung out with once, we spent nearly every evening together.”

“I’m….I’m so sorry. You two were really close.”

“Yea, and just like that, he’s gone. I’ll be okay, I’ll call his mom and send his belongings home.”

“Here.” Jeff handed her an ear bud. “Put this in for a sec and give me your Omni tool.”

Jeff punched a few buttons on her wrist and static shot through her brain.

‘Sif, … Sif, tell her, I love her.’ Kaidens shallow voice bled out.

She gasped.

Jeff hit save.

Then she started to cry.

Jeff held her closer to him as time ticked away. It always seemed like it did when they had to be somewhere else. As if they never got enough time to be together to just enjoy being beside one another.

“Joker, time to go.” Shepards voice came in over the coms.

“Right, we’ll be there in a second.” He turned to Sif. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yea let’s get this over with.”

[sifinspace]

“Where to next?” Sif asked as she sat in her chair.

“Noverra, there some sort of plant there a shepherd wants to check out. Says he has a lead.” Joker responded.

“I do, I’m extra confident we’ll find something.” Shepard chimed in as he walked toward the two.

“What are you hoping to find?” Sif asked.

“Answers, figuring out what the gets want.” He nodded.

“Too bad we couldn’t just run a program, infect their core and control them that way.” Sif shrugged.

“Nah THATS too easy, Shepard needs the challenge.” Jeff said.

“Sure, always make it more difficult. A way thanks for getting us there, keep yourselves in alter once we land, get some rest, and keep the coms open.” He instructed.

“Aye.” They said together.

Joker hit the mass effect relay and they were launched towards Noverra. It was a high security planet with little else that most knew about.

Secrets were heavy in the galaxy and it seemed everyone had them.

Sif looked towards her partner. Flying confidently, holding the helm steady. He was handsome. He always was. His sturdy jaw clenched and his eyes focused. His hands resting gently on the controls.

How she wished she was on his mind. Maybe she was. She doubted it though. He only thought of two things, flying and wise cracks.

Sif was torn when Kaiden stopped her from going any farther with him. She wanted all of him. She was ready for it.

But it wouldn’t have been fair to him. She liked Kaiden, really liked him, but she didn’t want to loose him as a friend over something that could cause issues.

She grinned to herself, almost as if she was trying to convince herself they made the right choice. Kaiden is the man she needs right now, but as a friend.

“Sif, do you see what I see?” Joker asked her.

“Is that…”

“Snow.”

“No way, I haven’t seen snow since I left earth. This just got better.” She grinned.

“Yea if you like being cold and wet.”

“Come on, you never played in snow? Ever?”

“Once, then I realized I could slip and fall, break some bones. I was over it.” He brushed off.

“You’re missing the safe fun.”

“Which is?”

“Laying on the ground, in a snow suit, at night in the dark, watching the stars.” She smiled.

Joker turned to look at her. “That could be a lot of fun… as long as I’m warm.”

“Don’t worry, if we ever get the chance I’ll make sure you’re bundled up properly.”

As they docked, Sheperd and his team disembarked. He took Liara and Kaiden with him on this mission.

The rest of the crew were below deck, making sure their gear and their equipment was up to par. Ash had paged up to the helm twice asking for diagnostics and Garrus had come by to share terrible one liners with Joker.

As much time as they spent waiting for the crew to return, Sif used it to clean the helm, then head to engineering to spend time with Tali.

Tali was running numbers on something mechanical and she showed Sif how to read the diagnostics.

Sif was impressed with her skill. Tali was young, but she was certainly more capable than most engineers she knew. She was confident, and willing to take risks. Tali made sure she checked and double checked her work before giving Sif her findings.

“Thanks, Jeff’s been looking forward to these since I asked you about them a while ago.”

“No problem, it took longer than expected. I wanted to make sure I did it right.” Tali responded.

Sif made her way to the kitchen and Mess Sargent Gardner gave her a plate to take back to Joker.

“What is it?” She asked Joker.

“I think, it’s roast beef and potatoes.” He grimaced.

“Wanna come back to the cabin and have something with me?” She asked.

“Sure, I could use a rest while we wait.”

Sif grabbed the plate of left overs and helped Joker out of his seat.

“You’re always trying to take care of me.” He grinned.

“Someone has to.”

They made their way to their cabin and heated up some frozen food. The smell made anything the Mess Sargent made smell awful.

“I guess pot pie it is.” Sif said handing Joker a fork.

“Better than nothing.”

They ate in silence.

“Ok I’m done, you get some rest, I’ll wait up, once you’re awake, I’ll take a nap.” She said.

“Fair enough.” He laid down on his side of the bed. “You gonna stay here with me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah.” He said rolling onto his side.

“Alright, I’ll wait here.”

Sif pulled up a chair and started reading to pass the time.

——

“How long was I out?” Joker asked her.

“4 hours.” She smiled.

“I needed that. Might sound weird but I always sleep better when you’re in the room.”

“Nah, I sleep better when you are next to me.” She grinned.

“Great, come lay down, you can get your shut-eye in too.”

Sif wandered over to her side of the bed, she crawled on top of the covers and faced Joker.

Joker laid his arm out. “Come on.”

“What?” She asked surprised.

“You can sleep on me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I kinda enjoyed that the other day. Don’t get too used to it, but I know you’ve been down, so come here before I change my mind.”

Sif crawled into Jeff’s arms and laid her hand on his chest. Her hair pulled back into a pony tail, fell along her neck and he tenderly moved it away.

“Sleep. I’ll listen for Sheperd.”

Sif closed her eyes and left a grin on her face as she drifted to sleep.

——-

He really did like this. He liked how she laid in his arm, and for once he felt like a strong man, someone who could protect her.

He watched her eyes flutter under her lids and the grin she fell asleep with still remain on her perfectly pale face.

He took his free hand and rubbed her arm tenderly.

He adored this woman.

She was his best friend.

Sif was the woman he vowed to take care of for his entire existence, protecting her from harm, and anyone who dared try to hurt her fragile heart.

It included Kaiden.

Even himself.

If Sif had ever found out he herd their conversation the other night, she’d never forgive him.

He always kept coms open when she was alone. Hoping to hear her sing her made up songs, and whatever she chose to watch on tv that night.

Hearing her tell Kaiden about her past wasn’t easy. Jeff was a big part of it, and yet, so far from it.

Sif breathed in deep and let out a small snore.

He smiled, he kissed the side of her head as he did every time they slept together.

She never knew he did that. He didn’t want her to.

Instead, he played cold and distant.

‘She shouldn’t have told Kaiden anything, they should have hooked up. He could have been what she needed. He could have been the strong Lieutenant that gave her healthy kids, and a life outside of a cock pit.’

He sighed.

He didn’t do anything, and yet she was broken hearted - again.

He closed his eyes and waited for Shepard..

——

Jeff woke Sif up an hour after she had fallen asleep. It was time to prepare for extraction.

Once Sheperd and his crew was on board everyong met for the debrief, even Sif.

Sheperd explained the next step they would have to take. Going to Ilos for a pit stop then head to Vermire to finish off the attack.

Everyone was ordered to check over their equipment as well as their emergency packs.

Sif got up to leave.

“Sif leaving so soon?” Shepard asked her.

“Aye Commander. Going to go check over a few things before we make the jump.” She smiled.

“Sounds good. I like when people take that initiative.”

“I’ll join you, I had a question about the hyper drive, I was down in engineering and it was making some strange noise.” Kaiden walked to her.

“It was? Tali, you hear anything?” Joker asked.

Tali shot a quick glance at Kaiden then to Joker. “I thought I did, but I assumed it was normal, best to check. May I join you?”

“That would be great.” Kaiden smiled.

The three left together and made their way down to engineering in the elevator.

“There’s no sound is there?” She grinned.

“I mean, there’s a sound…” he blushed.

Sif looked caught off guard.

“You know, I hear under the hyper drive there’s a strange vibration. You two should check it out. I’m going to be upstairs in the main bay - come find me once you’ve isolated the noise.” Tali said as they walked off the elevator.

“Sounds good.” Sif said.

Kaiden and Sif separated from Tali and went down stairs to under the Mass Effect drive.

“Ok where is this sound?” She asked.

“Here.” Kaiden grabbed her arm and pulled her into his chest for a hug.

“Are you…”

“Shhh. Just shhhh.” he whispered into her ear.

They bathed in the glow of the Mass Effect drive intertwined with each other. Silence. Just two people indulging in the simple pleasure of touch.

Sif breathed him in, and he kissed the top of her head, resting his lips on her forehead.

“You could have just said you needed a hug Kaiden.”

“No, I lied before I can’t just be your friend and when I tell you things, I don’t trust that we are really alone anymore.”

“So why here?”

“Tali disrupted the coms down here before our last mission, she knew I wanted to talk to you.”

“What do you mean? You can always talk to me?” She tightened her grip on him.

“Let’s just say, I think no one will disturb us at the worst time through the coms.”

Sif examined his face, and realized what he was talking about.

“So what was so private?”

“We are heading to Vermire, I worry I - I won’t make it back to the ship again.” He slowly explained.

“What do you mean?”

“I think what I’m trying to say, is leave with me.”

Sif looked at him confused.

“If I make it back, after we stop Sarren, leave this all behind. We can go be assigned somewhere else. Together.”

“And just abandon Shepard?”

“It sounds awful when you put it that way.” He sighed.

“It would feel like it. Why do you propose this out of no where?”

Kaiden pulled her in closer and kissed her like he did the first time he locked lips with her. Warm, firm. All the things she liked.

“I need hope to get through missions. I’ve been, struggling. My implants been causing problems, and I need some time to have it adjusted. The headaches keep getting worse. I need hope so I can make it worth my while to make it out alive.“

“I’d don’t realize you were in bad shape.”

“It’s constant. I want to stuff my brain in a jar and ver touch it again. How’s your implant?”

“Mines alright, I’m impressed you knew I had one.”

“I read your file after we talked. Twice.” He smiled.

She kissed him softly on his neck.

“You make resisting you so damn hard.” He said.

She kissed his collar bone.

“Promise me, we can leave the Normandy. Once this is all over. We can leave, start a family. I’ll love you till the day we die, if you just give me that chance. I’ll give you the life you deserve.”

She was breathless. She wanted that more than anything.

“I’ll even get stationed somewhere on earth, we can live near Vancouver in the mountains. Drink beer and eat steak. Make love every night, and build our dream home together. I’d make that happen for you.” He pleaded.

She rested her head on his chest. His heart beating faster than ever.

“Okay. When you come back from apprehending Sarren, I’ll leave the ship, I’ll leave Jeff.” She said.

Kaiden pulled her her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked her back into a wall and kissed her with all the passion he could muster.

Her kind swam - millions of miles a minute. What did she just agree to? She’d actually leave Jeff - how? She’d have time to figure that out later.

Kaiden bit her lip gently, then ran his tongue down her collarbone.

“Don’t stop.” She moaned with pleasure. As he nibbled her neck.

“Thank you, I promise, in a lifetime you will not regret this decision.” He said quietly as he put her down.

She pulled him in tight. Her mind completely shut off to the mission, the ship, everything except Kaiden.

“Make love to me. Here. Before you leave.” She asked him.

He smiled at her, and kissed her. He stretched her arms about against the wall, and pinned her in place.

“When I get back, I’m going to rip your clothes off so fast you’ll wonder how it happened.” He said between breaths.

“Now you have to come back - leaving a woman wanting is basically the cardinal sin in space.” She smiled.

Kaiden kissed her again. “By the way, I lied. There’s no noise.”

“I assumed. I’ll just say it was something Tali tweaked.”

“She’s great.” Kaiden looked at the time. “Alright, it’s time to go, but wasn’t it nice not being interrupted for a minute?”

“It really was.” She kissed him one more time as they walked out from the Mass Effect base hand in hand.

Sifs omnI tool started to glow. A message. She pressed play.

“Ok so coms aren’t working down there, was going to tell you that tali said she fixed whatever was wrong. So come back to the cock put once you can.” Jeff’s life rang out.

“Never a dull moment.” She said.

Kaiden kissed her lovingly and walked away.

——

Tali handed Sid a piece of paper. “Here, if joker asks what i found you can explain it to him. I’ve already told him, but it’s good to have it within easy access.”

“Thanks Tali. I appreciate what you did for us.” Her heart ached slightly.

Tali leaned into Sifs ear. “He is a good man. I want to see him happy.”

Sif smiled and wondered what she had gotten herself into. She knew. A new life. One without being pushed away.

She made her way back to the helm, feeling sick. She took a deep breath. ‘Leave Jeff for everything? Why would I agree to that?’ She searched her brain for an answer. ‘Because there is no future with Jeff. With Kaiden I could have it all. I didn’t realize he actually liked me that much, to ask me to start over with him.’

Sif lurched forward a bit. The thought of leaving the Normandy made her nauseous. Leaving everything she had behind.

“Good you’re back, Tali told me what was going on. Kaidens been by too. Said something about you’d have the full details of what you found.” Joker said.

“Yea, here.” She passed onto him the report Tali had given her.

“Weird the coms didn’t work in engineering.”

“Yea, they worked above but not where I was I guess.” She shrugged.

“Huh.”

“What did you need? If you were trying to get a hold of us through them?” She asked.

“Oh, just…” he searched for a thought. “Just if you’d found anything yet. I know Kaiden needs to get ready for the missions so less time spent down there would be better.”

“That’s kind of you.”

“Yea. I guess.”

“He asked me to go back to earth with him once this is all over.” The words spilled from her lips faster than she realized.

“Oh? For how long?”

“Indefinitely.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What did you tell him?” He started to sound bothered.

“I said okay.”

Jeff went silent for what felt like an hour.

“Well, I guess you need to have a life outside of work.” Was all he said.

Sif didn’t respond. She turned away, and started to internally combust.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, later, if you want.” She finally said.

“Sure, okay, whatever works.” He pushed a few buttons.

“How much longer till Vermire?” Shepard asked walking up to the pair.

“Twenty minutes or so.” Sif responded.

“Sure, give him plenty of warning.” Jeff said annoyed.

“I said we’lll talk about it later.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me before you said yes?” He snapped.

Sif winced. It hurt her to hear him upset.

“Lovers quarrel you two?” Shepard asked.

Jeff didn’t hold back his voice, it was angry. “More like, ‘we’ve been through hell but I’m going to ditch you for someone without telling you.’”

Sifs face was stone. “I said we will talk about it later.”

“Wow, right out of left field eh? Who’s taking you away.” Shepard got in on the drama.

“Alenko.” Jeff said flatly. “I wouldn’t have cared had you actually discussed it with me before saying yes.”

“So what? You’re not together, let her be.” Shepard said.

Jeff breathed in deep. “They want to be reassigned.”

“Holy shit Joker, go ahead and just spill everything to Shepard before you know any thing else. Fucks sakes.” Sif was angry.

“This….Joker maybe you should take a walk.” Shepard said.

“Very funny Commander.” He swiveled in his chair.

“I’m not kidding, let’s go.” He pulled Joker from his seat gently. “You need to cool down.”

“This conversation isn’t over Sif.” He said as he walked away.

[sifinspace]

The Knossos system was dark, dotted by planets and the rumble of new life. They had probed a few planets and after successfully finding an anomaly on Therum, Sheperd, Ashley and Kaiden were off.

Sif got up from her seat and stretched - “I’m going to go down to engineering and make sure everything’s tight.”

“Ask Tali if she noticed anything strange. There’s been a few hiccups I can feel in the probe launch. Then ask Garrus if he could recalibrate the guns. I know he would like that.” Joker ordered.

“No problem.”

Sif walked down to engineering. The halls were bright and illuminated with a blue hue. Calming. She always thought it felt, while the ship hummed away. It often helped lul her to sleep on difficult nights - even after the evening with Kaiden she used the sound to white wash her thoughts.

Engineering was louder than usual. She didn’t spent a lot of time down there, but Tali was more than happy to run diagnostics for Joker.

“I dont know why he didn’t call me over the intercom. Why did he have to send someone?” She asked.

“I was coming down here anyway to check on a few things. Figured I’d come say hi.”

Tali’s demeanor changed. “You’re not here to check on me?”

“Absolutely not. I wanted to say hi and ask an expect their opinion I mostly just fly the ship, I’m no engineer.” Sif smiled.

“Then - thank you. I’ll get in this right away.” She paused, “maybe we can all get a drink sometime. Get to know everyone.”

“Sounds good. I’ll let Jeff know.” She smiled.

“Jeff?” Tali asked

“Joker - sorry, I knew him before the nick name, and I can’t change it now.” She grinned.

“Understood. Alright I’ll talk to you later.”

Sif walked out of engineering with more questions than she at as started with about the ships function, but she wasn’t in a place to ask. Just as she was about to find Garrus, joker paged her back to the cockpit.

She made her way up to the helm and sat in her seat.

“Good timing, the Commander’s shuttle docked.” He said.

“Thanks.” Sif waited patiently for their next command over the intercom.

“Get out of here. Take us to Feros, hurry.” Rushed voice shouted.

Sif exchanged a look with Joker and they made the moves to hit the Mass effect relay.

Moments later the stars were nothing more than a streak of light beside the Normandy. They stopped suddenly - and there it was, Feros.

“Sif, Joker can you hear me?”

“Yes Commander.” They responded

“I need you to keep the ship close enough for coms. I’m taking Alenko, and Liara onto planet. When called we need immediate extraction. Well be leaving shortly - just finishing up prep.”

“Aye.”

“Shepard out.”

“He’s not taking Ash?” Sif asked.

“Yea, weird. They are connected at the hip. If you know what I mean.”

“Huh. I’m gonna run to the washroom really quick. I’ll be back in few.”

“Sure.”

She lied.

She got up and walked quickly to the elevator. She rode it down a few levels and found Alenko putting on his gear.

“Hey?” She said softly. No one else was around, Liara had got on the elevator as Sif had gotten off.

“Sif, are you okay?” He asked walking towards her worried.

“Yea, I just wanted to tell you one thing before you left.” She moved in closer to him. His armor looked heavy, she was glad she wasn’t a soldier.

“What’s that?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, tighter to him.

“Come back. Please.” She put her arms around his neck and hugged him.

“As long as you’re here to come back to I will.” He whispered into her ear. Her hair smelled like lavender, he loved it.

“Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” She let go and tried to turn to walk away.

“Sif?” Kaiden took her hand and pulled her in close. “Put a couple drinks in the fridge, we’ll have one when I get back. That’s a promise.”

He moved into her, and slid the tip of his nose down hers. He was wearing body armor but she could feel his heart race. She looked up to him, and he let his lips graze hers.

“Sif you okay? Why are you down in engineering?” Jokers voice buzzed over the com.

She rolled her eyes. “Wanted to check on the Mako. I had a thought when I was going asking to the washroom, I’ll explain in a minute.” She breathlessly called back, then silenced her Omni tool.

Kaiden didn’t let the interruption impede him. He kissed her lips firmly, and bit her bottom one. She returned the gesture. “For anticipation.” He whispered in her ear.

She walked with him to the elevator and they rode up together. He held her close the entire way up, allowing each other to be lost in the moment.

“What are we doing?” She asked him. Her head buried in his shoulder.

“Being human.” He kissed her hard again, this time backing her into the elevator wall.

The lift shopped.

They rearranged themselves and the doors opened.

“Good luck.” She said to him as he disembarked.

He rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb.

“This is all the luck I need.” He winked at her.

Sif blushed and walked away, finally she made it back to the helm.

“So what’s wrong with the Mako?” Joker asked.

“I was thinking when you felt something odd with the probe launcher I was wondering if the Mako had anything that could also be off with its launch units.” It was a stretch, but Joker bought it.

“Oh, I’ll get Tali to check it out.”

“Maybe ask Garrus to check its cannons too.”

“Good idea. He loves calibrating stuff.”

She let out a silent sigh.

——

Hours had passed. Zhu’s hope was secure and Shepard had taken on the exogene plant. All seemed to be going well.

The Normandy hummed in the docking bay and most everyone who wasn’t working the helm had taken to sleep. It was exhausting at times to sit in the cockpit awaiting orders, but someone had to do it.

Jokers head nodded up and down. Sif could see he was getting tired.

“Just close your eyes, I’m awake.” She told him.

“What? No. This is…”

“You don’t trust me?”

“-I do. Sorry okay just for a few minutes wake me if something happens.”

Joker leaned back in his chair and pulled his hat down over his eyes. Sif liked when he was quiet. It was the only time he wasn’t trying to defend himself from people.

She always figured he was over compensating for his disorder. She knew he felt like lesser of a man because of it.

He wasn’t. He was more of a man than anyone would ever know.

Sif sighed at the thought of them. She wished he could see what he is.

He was her best friend.

He was all she had, and the one thing she didn’t have.

Sadness filled her mouth. It tasted bitter. Sif missed having someone to love her back. She missed intimacy. She missed affection. She felt stupid. How could she want that from someone who wouldn’t give it to her?

She knew who would.

Sif punched some buttons on the consul and adjusted her ear piece. A soft song came through, and she let her thought’s drift to Kaiden and the passionate embraces he gave her was enough to satiate her loneliness for a while. It was the first time in years someone had touched her lips. She wanted more.

In her heart she longed for him. His tight body and black shirt crossed her mind. His dark eyes looking into her soul. His black hair in her fingers, her hand on his belt.

She grinned, then her lips danced into a frown. How could she let herself be torn so badly. It seemed obvious. Jeff wasn’t an option, but why couldn’t she let go of him?

The pit of her stomach punched her ribs. She wanted Kaiden, she wanted someone to appreciate her. Her mind was ripped in two.

“Normandy - Joker, Sif, prepare for extraction.” Her thoughts were broken by the sound of Shepards voice.

“Jeff let’s go.” She shook his chair.

He woke like he never really had been asleep.

“Great. Prepare for extraction.”

“See I told you I’d stay awake.”

“Yea sorry I shouldn’t have said … anyway, come

On let’s get them and get out of here this place gives me the creeps.” Joker said.

As the team boarded the Normandy, they went directly into the debriefing room. Joker went too, and left Sif in control.

“Okay well just leave it here, I’ll be back after the debriefing and fill you in.”

“As always.” She leaned back.

“Try not to crash my ship eh?” He smiled as he limped away.

They had parked just outside the mass relay - they never left the system unless something big happened.

Sif started playing her music again, and thinking about her situation. She wanted to justify being an interest to someone, and still have Jeff at her side. They’d been through so much together.

Would Kaiden even understand?

Sif stretched her tired back. She always asked Jeff before she would pursue something like this, a few dates in the past, nothing more.

Surely he wouldn’t have anything to say about Kaiden. He liked Kaiden. He didn’t like half the guys she wanted to go out with. Having a guardian was great, until it wasn’t she concluded.

Foot steps approached her. “Sif take some time to get some rest, it’s been a long day.” Shepard said to her.

“Where’s Jeff?”

“He’s coming, but I know you’ve been up the whole time.” He grinned.

“How?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I heard you listening to music again.”

“Again?”

“Oh yea, every time, you forget to close the com when you do it.” He smiled.

“Well - shit. Sorry if it’s not stuff you like.” Her cheeks flushed.

“It’s a change from what I usually listen to, but music tells you a lot of what’s in someone’s mind. Now, go get some rest, have a drink, and if Joker doesn’t tell you I will, you’re a hell of a pilot.” He smiled.

“Thanks, that means a lot Commander.”

Sif got to her feet. She appreciated someone telling her she was doing well. To rip the compliment from Jeff was too much effort these days, they weren’t something he readily doled out.

She made her way to the mess hall. She was looking forward to some left overs, but was met with nothing more than an old potato and coleslaw that had been sitting too long.

“Forget it.” She sighed. She walked back to her cabin and found something better. She ripped open the package of a pack of trail mix and laid down. She made sure to cut off coms to her room and turned on some music again.

The words flooded her mind - they reminded her of times before all the confusion, before wanting more of Jeff, before her feelings for Kaiden started to rise up in her.

If Jeff only had come after they were docked and spent time with her. Sif had been hanging out with the crew for weeks prior to any of this happening, they were pretty vocal in telling her how they felt bad Joker would ditch her for the Ship.

Then Kaiden started spending more time with her in their off hours. She wasn’t surprised this happened.

Her door buzzed.

“Come in.” She said, still laying in bed in her uniform. Her braided bun had fallen out, and was a mess of hair.

“Hey.” A smooth voice said to her.

“Kaiden?” She sat up. “You okay?”

“Yea, Joker said he was gonna stay up stairs all night and that they sent you to bed. I wasn’t sure how tired you really were, but I wanted to know if you’d like to have a drink with me?”

She smiled. “That would be nice, I was worried about you - you Guys down there.”

“I was worried about you too.” He grinned, as he moved in closer to her and gently kissed her. It was already familiar to her, the safe, warm, tender kind.

Sif blushed. “Here.” She grabbed two glasses from the shelf. “Ice?”

“Neat please, a whiskey like this you don’t ruin with ice.”

“Oh so that’s why you’re here! You want the good stuff.” She said as she poured a portion each.

“Obviously I use you for your connections in the whiskey world. Why else do I come poking around at night?” He took a sip.

“Good point, my years of bootlegging have paid off.” She tipped her glass at him.

“Nah, you know why I’m here.”

“We haven’t drank enough yet to be get cute.” She sipped her drink.

“I know, I want to - tell you how I feel before I do.”

Her stomach tightened. A ball of fireflies started to hit all sides of her.

“I’ve wanted to tell you this for a while, but things kept coming up, then Jenkins, Joker - but that moment before I left, I can’t stop thinking about it. Despite the circumstances, I have enjoyed every second with you.”

“I do too. You’re what I need right now.” She took a large swallow of whiskey - feeling as if she let too much be said on her part.

Kaiden blushed. “I - I want to spend more time with you. A lot more time. The kind of time where we fall asleep together and wake up beside each other. Time where I don’t feel like I have only minutes to be with you until we are interrupted.”

“Us interrupted? Never.” She teased.

“We’ve worked together for a while now, and I’ve watched you, for that long. I see you, I can see into your mind when you don’t expect it.”

“You can? Being a biotic allows that eh?”

“No, but your music does.” He reached over and turned up the song she had playing. “Your torn, torn between what you have and what you need. I could…” his words faded.

Sif looked at him sideways with eager eyes of anticipation. Kaiden stood and took her into his arms, he started to slowly dance with her as he searched for his next words.

“Last time I tried this, Joker got in the way. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a coincidence. I want to try this again, … I could be the one you need.” He said pulling her in squarely with his hips, her body pressed into him, she could feel his entire form.

Her stomach fired on all engines and started doing back flips. Just as it did earlier. She kissed him without even thinking. He didn’t hold back, he returned the gesture with force and breathlessness.

“Just let me try. Joker is a good guy, but he’s so blind to what he could have. I know you have feelings for him, but I could give you what you deserve, all of it.”

She pulled him towards her and let his arms wrap around her waist tighter. She rested her head on his chest. He smelled like whiskey and vanilla. He was comfort. He was protection. He wanted to make her feel like the woman she deserved to be.

She remained silent. Thinking. Contemplating a way to keep this moment from slipping from her grasp. She wanted Kaiden. She needed him. Dare she think she felt - love.

“I’m not afraid Sif, I need you, and living in his shadow has been so painful. Watching him ignore you, watching him just let you hang on to any hope he’ll change his mind. Let me help you take the pain away.”

Sif slowly raised her eyes towards his. His shirt was fit well and black with an Alliance logo on the front, his neck tanned, his chin strong, his lips full and slightly parted. Nose, perfectly pointed and his eyes, brown, closing gently almost as a sign of defeat.

She closed her eyes and let herself go. His lips touched hers and she ran her hands up his broad shoulders. He tasted like mint, and his beard stubble was rough on her skin.

Kaiden ran his hands up her back, and let one hand get tangled in her hair. He kissed her so intensely she lost all control of herself.

She let out a breathless moan, as he bit her lip gently, then her collar bone.

She pushed him onto the bed, and straddled him. She leaned over and kissed him. He flipped her on her back and rolled on top of her so swiftly, she returned the favor and wrestled him back to being underneath her.

She immediately stopped. “I’m so sorry.” She leaned back and had a wave of embarrassment flood her.

“For what?” He said looking up at her. His shirt half way up his chest.

“It’s been so long since, that. I just lost all control over my brain.” She turned away. “I finally feel safe, and all I want to do is rip your clothes off.”

Kaiden turned her back to face him. Her hair was messy, and her eyes look like they were holding back a cosmic force of emotion. He took his hands and cupped her face in them.

“It’s perfectly fine. I started it. I’m the one who should apologize.” He kissed her gently.

“No please don’t. I just, I don’t do things like this. I have been so lonely, and you’re so perfect for me. I - I can’t resist you. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that. We are human, and the one man that should be in here under you, has a deeper relationship with a ship.”

She smiled. “You believe that?”

“I know how Joker is. He should be the one kissing you, making love to you. You might not see it, but I can.”

Sif got to her feet, Kaiden started heading to the door.

“Wait.” She said, reaching for his arm. “Don’t leave. I’m sorry please.”

“Sif, it’s fine, this is something I don’t want to force.”

“It’s complicated with Jeff and I. Let me explain, and you can decide where to go from there.” She looked pained.

“I like the sound of that.” He adjusted his pants, and sat down again.

Sif poured Kaiden another drink and explained her entire life to him. He told her where she and Jeff stood, what was going on in her mind. He patiently sat there and listened, all while holding her hand.

“…and I want you to be the exception to my life. I just didn’t know how you’d take all that, and I wanted to make sure you knew what was what.” She finished.

“I like being an exception.” He smiled and kissed her gently again. “Joker is protective of you. There’s nothing wrong with that. He watches out for you. You need that. Have you seen you?”

“No.” She said flatly.

“I have. Shepard has. Hell, Joker has and he knows what he could have.”

“You know this how?”

“It might shock you, but men, do talk.”

“Do you need time to think this over?” She asked.

“Absolutely not.” He said. “I know how this will end, and as much as I’d like for it to be us, I think you underestimate Joker.”

He kissed her cheek.

“You really think so?”

“I do. Until then, I’ll be here to hold your hand and hug you whenever you need it. I can’t be him, even though I’d very much like to be.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“It’s okay, maybe I need you in my life in other ways.” He laid down and she curled up next to him. His body warm and his arms comforting.

“I’ll always be here for you.” He whispered as he kissed her head with a breath of sadness.

[sifinspace]

Sif rested her head back on her chair. It has been a routine mission, and now, one Specter is dead, and one is on the run.

‘Why can’t we have normal missions?’ She thought to herself as she watched the stars whirl by her in the darkness of space.

She knew why, when she signed up for flight school years ago, she signed up for adventure. That’s why her days are never normal. She punched a few buttons on her console.

“Sif prepare for jump.” Joker said to her.

“Aye.” She flipped a few more switches.

“I can’t wait to get out of here, this whole situation makes me nervous.” He said.

“Something’s going on, and I don’t want to be there to find out what.” She replied.

As she watched the speed of the stars increase, she took a deep breath. The mass effect relay shot them into darkness, then they emerged and saw it. The citadel, in all her galactic glory.

She could hear Joker talk to the docking personnel, and with a gently push of a button, she had handed him all controls for docking.

Sif was the co-pilot on the Normandy. A ship the first of its kind in all Alliance controlled space. She loved flying, but she loved being on the Citadel even more.

It had been her home since she had graduated from flight school with Joker, and they rented an apartment there. However, since they spent so much time aboard the Normandy, they gave up their apartment and lived nearly full time on the ship.

“So what are your plans while we are in bay?” She asked him.

“Oh the usual, go get a drink, take a hot shower then sleep for a bit.” He grinned. “You?”

“Probably the same. See you in the mess in a bit?” She asked getting up from her seat.

“As always.” He nodded.

Sif knew her duty as co-pilot was up until she was called back for the next mission. She didn’t mind, being second pilot meant less responsibility but same pay.

She and Joker had been working as co-pilots for years and they worked extremely well together. They had become friends during flight school and had stuck together ever since.

Sif stretched her muscles as she walked down the ramp to the Mess hall. People were running around, collecting their things to take onto the Citadel. It was always slightly chaotic when they landed there, but soon enough, the sea of people around her emptied out, and she was alone, at the chow bar.

She looked around. Cook wasn’t where he should have been, must have disembarked too. She looked around then hopped over the bar and grabbed a couple beer. She sauntered over to the cushioned chairs at the dining table and settled in.

Sif cracked open a beer and kicked off her shoes. ‘Relief’ she thought as she put her feet up on the chair next to her. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She reflected on what was yet to come.

“Hey, I thought you’d be going shore side.” A deep voice broke the silence.

Sif opened her left eye, and sitting across from her was Staff Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko.

“Nah, I don’t have anyone to see, or anywhere to go, so I’ll just stay put.” She smiled.

“Sounds familiar. Want some company? Everyone else is gone.” He asked.

“Of course, drinking alone is never fun.” She passed him one of the beer she had grabbed. “Sorry it’s not anything special, but it’ll do.”

Kaiden smiled, “it’s the thought that counts.”

Sif sat up, and looked searched his face. “You okay?”

“Yea, thanks for asking.”

“I’m sorry about Jenkins. He was a good soldier, and a decent man too.” Sif said raising her beer to the air.

“I’ll drink to that.” Kaiden took a long swig. “I still can’t believe he’s gone. We were just playing poker and - I haven’t had the heart to move his cards yet.”

Sif nodded. “Do you want help?”

“Moving some cards? That seems ridiculous.”

“It does, but finishing a game is closure. It means goodbye.” She said.

“That’s oddly - metaphoric.”

“I have lost enough Alenko to know when to put stuff away.” She sipped her beer. “Come on, where did you leave them?”

“Over in the observation deck.” He got up.

“Alright, let’s go.” She stood and picked up her shoes.

They walked to the observation deck and sure enough, there they were Jenkins cards laying on the table.

“Take your cards and I’ll take his.” She passed him another beer. “And drink, to Jenkins.”

Sif and Kaiden sat there finishing their game in near silence. The creaking and groaning the Normandy did in the background helped them concentrate.

Sif laid her hands down. “I fold, man his cards were bad.” She smiled.

“They were.” Kaiden laid down his. Two pair.

“We’ll congrats Kaiden, you win this.” She smiled. “Now drink up. Jenkins wouldn’t want that beer going warm.”

Kaiden and Sif moved over to the couch in front of the window overlooking the citadel. In silence they sat, every now and then pointing into something moving on the docks.

Time went by and Kaiden stood up.

“Thanks Sif, I - I needed this.”

“Anytime, i was waiting for Jeff, so it’s anyone’s guess how long he’ll take.”

“The Normandy is Jokers baby that’s for sure.” Kaiden smiled, “you wanna go get a pizza or something?”

“Leave the ship?” She asked dramatically. “Sure.”

“Great I’ll meet you at the air lock in ten.”

“Deal.”

Sif walked back up to the cockpit, Joker hadn’t left his seat.

“You know if I ever had to wait on you for anything I’d probably die first.”

“Nah, I was almost done.”

“Kaiden and I are going off ship to get some food, you wanna come?”

“Nah, bring me back something though will ya?”

“As Always.” She patted him on the shoulder.

——

“How are you feeling after seeing Shepard go down?” Sif asked taking a bite of her pizza.

“It was my fault. I always get too close to things.” Kaiden chugged his beer, “curiosity I guess.”

Sif nodded. “It gets the best of us. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine, he always is. Seems like you can’t keep him down no matter how hard some try.”

“Yea.” Kaiden grinned then took his last sip of beer.

“Thanks for wanting to grab something, don’t tell the mess sergeant but his cooking is terrible.”

“You have my word, I swear those rations they give us are from the First Contact War.”

“Jeff and I have a bunch of goods we pick up and heat when we are hungry. Kinda pays having your own cabin sometimes.” She grinned. “I also squirrel away other things. Wanna find out what I’ve got?”

“Are you asking me back to your cabin Lieutenant?”

“To come see my private stash? Yea that sounds bad, definitely not what I mean.”

Kaiden laughed and got up. “Never turn down a woman who asks you that.”.

Sif packed up the rest of the pizza for Joker, and a few other things along the way as she and Kaiden headed towards to Normandy.

The Citadel was large and glowing. She loved walking through the atriums looking at the plants and seeing the birds that lived there. They seemed at peace, like they had a place in this mass universe.

Something she longed to have.

“Back home in Vancouver, what was your favorite place to go and get lost in?”

“I’d have to say Stanly Park. It’s old, and well preserved. I’d walk around for hours in it.”

“That sounds beautiful. I’d like to see it.”

“I know you’d like it. I’ll take someday.”

——

Back on board, Sif gave Joker his pizza. He hadn’t moved from the pilots chair she left him in. She just smiled and said, “See you later I guess.”

“Maybe I found some coding I’m working on in her data base. I’ll let you know what I find.”

Then she made her way back to her room, and changed into her cabin clothes. An old tshirt nearly see through, and some shorts she kept as a memory of earth.

“Hey, can I come in?” Her door buzzer chimed.

“Yea totally.”

Sif walked over to her sink and cupboard and pulled out two short glasses. “Make yourself at home. I do.”

Kaiden walked over and sat on the end of the bed.

He looked around curiously.

“What?”

“There’s two of you? Why only one bed?” He asked confused.

“We rarely ever are here at the same time. When we are, we just share. Might seem strange, but after years of it, you get used to it - and we can have more room for other things.”

“Joker does seem to sleep in his chair a lot.” He grinned.

“Yea, sometimes we’ll watch a movie or something but he generally stays out. Why do you think it’s got mostly my touches in here?” She smiled.

Kaiden looked around and could see Sif everywhere. It was subtle, but not without a hint of Jokers presence.

“If I was him, I’d be here every night.”

Sif could feel her stomach flutter as she got up and opened a drawer in her desk. She pulled out a brown paper bag.

“How much have we drank today?” She asked.

“Enough to know I meant what I just said.”

She smirked. Her cheeks flushed bright pink. “Here. Open this, it was something I picked up a while back. With all the activity today, I think we need it.”

Kaiden pulled the bottle out of the bag, and a look of excitement and admiration crossed his face.

“Canadian Club. I could kiss you!” He was elated.

“I mean, it would be nice, it’s been so long.” Sif poured two glasses. “To the fallen, and the unbreakable.”

She tilted her glass.

“To the ones who know how to make the hurt less.”

They took a hefty slug each of whiskey.

“I wanted to do that with you for a while, and today seemed most appropriate.” She sat next to him, one leg under her.

“I appreciate it. I will forever be thankful. It’s not often I get to do this kind of thing with someone like you.”

“Kaiden, you keep saying nice things and I’m libel to not let you walk out that door.”

“I can’t help myself. It’s been a long time, since I’ve let my guard down, and you make it so damn easy.” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re just so, you. So easy to let myself be me. No wonder the guys are all over you when they get assigned to the Normandy.”

“What?” She asked confused.

“You’ve never noticed?” He asked her, reaching for her hand.

Her heart raced as he touched her finger tips.

“I guess I hadn’t. I’m always preoccupied with other things to really notice I guess.”

“Or another person. Joker?”

She inhaled then nodded.

“I should have asked this a long time ago. Are you two - together?”

“No. We are in a situation ship I guess, but not one that makes us…. A couple? Just best friends. That’s an awkward way to say it.”

“At least it doesn’t make me an ass trying to steal his girl.” He laughed, “So you two have never?”

Sif squeezed his hand then looked him in the eye. His handsome features made her melt inside. She shook her head.

“That must be hard.” Kaiden wove his fingers between hers. “I don’t know how someone could share a bed with you and not even touch you.”

Her heart skipped and her stomach tightened with anticipation. “You really think?” She asked, “I assumed I wasn’t… his type.”

“Does he likes women?”

“Oh yea - but maybe I’m not smart enough, not savvy, or cute enough. It always slightly bothers me.”

Kaiden took his hand and raised her face to his. “You are absolutely smart enough. Don’t even joke about being cute, you’re beautiful. Never think or let anyone let you believe otherwise.”

“Thanks for saying it. It’s tough you know, when all you want to do is have sex with someone you feel completely safe with?”

“When was the last time?”

“Oh, it was several months before end of flight school - but that’s ancient history. I just don’t want people taking advantage.”

“Please never think these advances were that.” He said distressed. “But if someday you want to feel safe with someone, I’d love to be that person.”

Her heart skipped a beat. She blushed and turned away. “I’ve spent enough time with you to know you better than that.” She stood up and down the rest of her drink.

Kaiden finished his off and stood to leave. “I’m sorry I ruined this, I know this wasn’t your intention.”

“It was eye opening. It’s a nice reminder that someone might want this.” She pointed to her body with a grin.

Kaiden took his chance, he leaned in and kissed her.

It took her off guard, but she wanted more, she put her hands on his belt and pulled him closer. She started to go in for another kiss, then the com crackled.

“Sif you there?” Jokers voice buzzed.

He sighed, then smiled at her. “Night Sif.”

“See ya LT.”

Kaiden smiled and walked out the door.

“Yea, what?”

“Kaiden done hitting on you yet?” Jokers voice came over the rooms speaker.

“We’re you….eves dropping?”

“I just got the last second, I opened the com and then heard you guys talking.”

She rolled her eyes.

“What do you want?”

“I found the problem in the Normandy’s coding, and fixed it. It’s not too late, wanna grab a drink?”

“You want me to add to the ones I’ve already had?”

“Yea why not? We are parked for a while.”

“Sure, I’ve got the whiskey.”

“On my way.”

Sif was sure she could hear a smile in his voice.

——

He lied.

He had heard the whole thing.

——

Joker had been laying on his side of the bed for an hour, sipping his drink, and watching a movie they picked out.

Sif drank, but she was still surprised that he wanted to spend time with her.

“So what’s the occasion?” She asked.

“Huh?”

“Why spend time with me? Today?”

“I dunno, lots has happened. Shepard, Jenkins… Kaiden trying to hook up with you. Figured I should remind you I exist.”

“Jeff, are you…. Worried I might find someone to spend my Rec time with?”

He sat up straight. “Nah. We’re good. Just thought you might be sad about Jenkins. I am.”

She forced a grin. “Yea. Thanks. It definitely was a shock, but they are soldiers, it’s a hazard.”

“I guess. That’s why I keep you in the helm. Gotta protect my girl.” Joker sipped his drink and tilted it to her.

“Thanks. I’m gonna hit the shower then go to sleep.” She paused, her arms tingling. “Wanna join me?”

Joker looked confused. “What?”

“I figured you wanted to be hit on, since you listened to Kaiden and I.”

“I’m good.” He sat back and let a grin play at the corner of his lips.

“Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like?”

“I’d rather wonder what it’s like not to break my pelvis.” He replied locking eyes with her.

“Alright, I’m sorry, just thought I’d ask.”

Joker shifted - “look we talked about this. This what we have works, why make it weird?”

“Sorry, I just…never mind.” She said walking into the bathroom.

‘I am such an ass.’ Joker thought as he ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes.

——

“I’m not surprised.” Joker yawned as he rubbed his neck.

“I’m more surprised they have it to a human. Aliens don’t like us as much as gave think.” Chief Ashley Williams said as she took a bite of her protein bar.

“At least it’s someone we can trust. Giving that kind of freedom to anyone isn’t always the smartest move.” Kaiden replied.

“When men get privilege they often keep going for power. We know the Commander, he’ll use it wisely.” Joker said.

“I’m glad someone is, I wouldn’t want to be a Spectre.” Kaiden mentioned.

“Why not?” Ash asked.

“Too much responsibility. Too involved with intergalactic politics. You know how it is.” He shrugged.

“You’d make a find Spectre Alenko. As long as you have the crew good brews after a tough mission you would never go wrong.” Sif smiled as she turned her attention back to the Normandy’s controls.

“All I’m saying is now we have a new set of eyes watching us. Ones that want us to fail everything.” Ash sighed.

“It’s always good to be cautious, but we’ll let it play out how Sheperd wants it to. Let’s just keep being the crew we’ve always been, but better.” Kaiden concluded.

“Spoken like a future Spectre.” Sif snorted.

“I won’t forget that.” He smiled as he rubbed his neck. “Come on Ash, we’ve gotta get our gear in order.”

“Aye LT.” She swallowed her final bite and left with him.

“What do you think?” Joker asked Sif.

“About what?” She poked at a control.

“Aliens verses us?”

“If we look at it that way, we will never play on the same team. I just look at it like, we are all vying for the same goal. Work together, get along.” She paused and smiled “you don’t have to lie everyone you work with, just tolerate it for the better ment of everyone else”

Joker leaned his head back. “I don’t care about aliens you know that, I just hope it doesn’t ruin how far we’ve come you know. One bad egg in the basket….”

“Yea, pilots and peace keepers. Apparently it’s our second duty”

“Glad we took that training program too eh?” Joker laughed.

Sif smiled. He was always free around her. Generally always happy, but his demeanor always changed the instant someone else came over.

“Joker, Sif - set a course for Knossos system.” A husky voice bled through the intercom.

“Aye Commander.” Joker replied and punched in the coordinates for their first destination.

[sifinspace]

This is a neutral post

Feel free to stop here and rest before journeying to the posts below.

[sifinspace]

[sifinspace]

It’s Mass Effect from the POV of the co-pilot.

Why? Joker should always have been romance-able. I’m a sucker for the broken, and want to fix them all.

I also have big side character energy. Never wanting to be the main character.

Here are some stats to this fic:

- Sif is the co-pilot on the Normandy. She is Jokers second.

- Earth born, with no family.

- Original Mass Effect characters are in this story.

- This fic follows a mostly “Paragon” play through of Shepard. He is male in this fic, and it takes place across all three games.

- Sif is simply a new character dropped in, with her own story. So I tried to keep everything as close to a cannon play through as possible.

- An unrelated example: you’re life moves in one way, your friends come in and out of it, what are they doing while not with you? That’s how this works.

If this is something you may be into, I’m going to try to post the first few bits soon.

(It’s not as long as my Dragon Age fic. That I promise.)