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Me logging onto tumblr dot com to check my trash little blog and post my trash little posts about my trash little interests

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I don't know anymore how to ask people to take a look at my wattpad story so I created a short (2 minutes is not short!) trailer.

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No one fucking cares about me. All this shit about, ‘you’re loved’.. no I’m not fucking loved. If I was, why would I constantly feel like this and have no one to turn to? 

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sometimes you catch yourself wondering "is it me?? am I the problem??? Is anything even wrong or am I making it up???" And that, on its own, should be enough to remind you that it was fucked to begin with

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Sorry I am not who you want me to be.

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Ahhh yes, I can say that I am facing atleast half of the symptoms mentioned above. Specifically the last one. I've recently been thinking I'm having a "mid-life" crisis, but guess it's not anything to do with that at all.

I'm just tired of being tired all the time - I am tired of the drama, lies and manipulation that come along with fake people.

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why my family makes me feel i have no family at all

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Parents and siblings fighting, shouting and calling each other names. I'm tired. I'm just fucking tired of it.

Anyone else traumatized after years of your parents fighting?

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It's important to remember that, no matter what you were told growing up or whatever someone might be trying to convince you now, fighting is not a normal part of any relationship.

Differences in opinions are normal. Bad days are normal. Moments where you're irritated and tired and want space are normal. Having to sit down and talk something out is normal.

Shouting matches, insults, threats, arguments that last for hours, passive agression, purposely trying to hurt one another, these things are NOT normal or healthy.

This goes for every relationship. Family, romance, friends, peers, there is no kind of relationship where trying to tear the other person apart is okay.

Abusers will swear to you that it's impossible to have a relationship without blowing up at each other on the regular.

They are wrong.

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It wasn't that bad, but I never feel comfortable or safe around you

It wasn't that bad, but my breath gets irregular around you because I'm trying to control my anxiety without showing how affected I am

It wasn't that bad, but my stomach physically hurts and burns when you're around

It wasn't that bad, but hearing you come towards my bedroom stresses me out and physically pains me

It wasn't that bad, but I'm never myself around you because it's not safe

It wasn't that bad, but I don't want to be near you

I shouldn't complain, right? Haven't you told me I'm just rebellious? Haven't you made it clear my health and feelings don't matter? Haven't you made it clear I'm no good? I'm just overreacting, aren't I?

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parents be like i gave you the bare minimum how dare you be mentally ill

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may your next ibuprofen take effect swiftly and noticeably

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Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

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everyone i know is planning the rest of their lives and im doing the exact opposite

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I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.