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everyone keeps telling me that i have to stay alive for them, that killing myself would be selfish because they need me and my departure would cause them great pain.

what about MY pain? what about ME? i’m dying inside, falling apart every single night and shoving back my broken pieces inside my chest every morning, bleeding internally. what about MY pain? why can’t i rest easy? isn’t it selfish for you to ask me to stay knowing how badly i’m hurting?

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it’s getting harder to pretend..

from my journal

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but why pray tell can i not read fic and consider it canon

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so like. i typically don’t entertain any anti sort of argument because giving those people the time of day always ends up feeding into one big circle jerk, but there’s this post that’s been in my head literally since the day i saw it a month ago that basically chalks akeshu up to joker being goro’s emotional mop at the expense of his other friends. and it just. i feel like that kind of thing categorically misunderstands the kind of relationship akechi and joker have, the kind of thing that we all seem to be pinging on (at least, from what i’ve seen anyways).

because like, for starters, the argument posits that shuake shippers frame joker as an emotional mop for their fave in order to fix him up, while simultaneously saying that akira doesn’t care for his other relationships because he’s only interested in fixing goro. but… like. joker frames joker as an emotional mop throughout the whole game–including, and in fact, most especially for the phantom thieves. his friends. that’s. that’s literally the entirety of the social links in this game: become your friends’ shoulder to cry on so they level up, so that he can find a way to help them in exchange for some service they provide him. heart conduction (a doujin which you can read here; it’s in japanese, though) aptly compares joker to a mirror: when you look at him, you see both your best qualities and your deepest flaws. it’s like seeing yourself for the first time, something which absolutely comes from the masks he wears that match the arcanas of his confidants (a meta which i’ve already done). joker is the boy with a hero complex a mile high (both his persona awakenings, soft and real, come about because he saves someone he doesn’t know), and he will do anything for the people he’s obligated to/loves. that’s just… who he is.

but the second aspect of this is i think the more interesting part, and the thing that i think makes akeshu as compelling as it is: goro doesn’t let joker mop him up. like that’s. that’s their whole thing. goro doesn’t want joker to fix him. goro doesn’t want anything from joker, period. like that’s what really gets me about this whole argument, because like, if joker even tried to fix goro’s problems, if joker had tried to find out, say, who goro’s dad was as a mementos request in some bizarre au where shido isn’t the secondary antagonist and goro doesn’t know about the metaverse, goro would have told him no. or maybe goro would have given the name, not knowing what was going to happen, but when it did happen, he wouldn’t be happy about it at all. in fact, he’d be pretty insulted.

like that’s the thing about goro: what attracts him to joker is the equal he sees in him. he goes on and on and on about how they’re yin and yang and they were fated to meet and he is most endeared to you when you tell him that you see him as your rival. 

and moreover, his entire life, he’s been the victim of deeply paternalist ideology. there’s of course everything with shido and his abuse and having to play the pretty little puppet for both him and the masses, but also even before then, goro was a ward of the state, an orphan who was exchanged from hand to hand with no say in where he ended up, even though no one really wanted him. this is why he doesn’t really approve of the phantom thieves, after all: putting aside the fact that it could be used for evil, the power the thieves wield is a paternalistic one, and while the way the thieves mostly use it is subverting paternalism (by overthrowing oppressive adults who refuse to listen to anyone but themselves, although this gets a bit sticky when you look at the mementos requests), it still at its core is making decisions for other people. and goro has had enough of that.

goro is the only one of the confidants who says no to joker. that’s the funny thing about all this: akira is an emotional mop for literally every single character except the one they’re accusing. and this isn’t to say that’s necessarily the fault of the confidants, i mean, how exactly are you supposed to know that your new friend has such a fucked up concept of relationships that he feels he’s only lovable when he’s useful, and that you’re playing right into that concept by relying on him? especially when things just seem so normal, and joker always knows the right words to say. goro sees through that because he knows, on some level, what it’s like to wear a mask, even if it’s not in exactly the same way. 

and then i think, here’s something else: joker doesn’t like. want. to fix goro. like i think he wants goro to be happy, for sure, but the thing that attracts joker to goro is the sheer fact that not only is this person his equal, someone who understands him somehow intrinsically, but this is a person who has seen joker’s shoulder to cry on and said fuck you. goro isn’t like everyone else. goro doesn’t want joker’s kindness, goro doesn’t want joker to be useful, goro just wants him, and we talk a lot about how it must feel for goro to know that there’s a person in this world out there who wanted him so bad that they brought him back to life twice, but how must it feel for joker to know there’s somebody out there who doesn’t want anything from him but existence? goro doesn’t want his care or his change of heart or whatever else joker’s savior complex is serving up today. he just wants joker. plain and simple. 

look i get that there are people out there who don’t necessarily interpret joker and goro the way that i do, and i can’t really speak for all shuakes obviously, but i just. idk man. it’s such a strange argument to use, you know? because canonically, nothing is more incorrect. 

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I have said many times that the game’s strength is in using perspective to create tragedy - everyone is acting based on what they know and though everyone uncovers more information over time no one gets all the puzzle pieces. 

There’s also a very salient point (especially for our times) about how there will always be evil people and what really matters is what the good and/or neutral people decede to do about it/ being unable to agree on that. Everyone goes through each other to get at Thales & co. I mean even Rhea (whom I would not consider good) very much wants them gone/ was in a sense responding to their evildoings. 

Claude comes the closest to uncovering everything, but he only finds out at the very end after many twists and turns and lowkey questionable actions, and there are many points in the narrative where he’s missing some info the others have or gets frustrated because he can’t figure it out (which isn’t meant as a criticism of him at all, it just goes to show that while he may be the single smartest character but he’s still human)

But one downside to that is that the characters don’t get a chance to react to many of the info pieces they never come across

Edelgard and Dimitri never find out the truth about the relics (I think Edelgard would just sigh, conclude that Nemesis was a bad guy after all, and mumble something about how of course the Crests came from some warped source, I don’t think it would change her opinion of Rhea at all.   But Dimitri and the other Kingdom characters would be interesting ‘cause they were all so proud of their legendary ancestors - It’s a big meaningful moment when Dimitri gets handed his father’s lance, the precious family heirloom… turns out it’s all a lie and that thing is the spoils of a massacre. I guess his reaction would be similar as with the patricia reveal )

Speaking of which, Edelgard doesn’t find out about all that crap with her mother. I mean she would definitely have feelings about that. Hubert, Lorenz  Ferdinand would probably break out the booze and welcome her into “Children of villains anonymous”. I’m genuinely not sure whether or not she’d start considering Dimitri as a brother. The odd thing here is that though she’s the one who’s related to her by blood Dimitri actually spent a whole lot more time with her and hence could be said to have known her much better, she was practically more his mother than she ever was Edelgard’s.

Dimitri never learns much about the slitherers really though he still ends up casually taking out a bunch of their leaders 

The whole Claude being related to the king of Almyra thing. Dimitri and Edelgard are both very much anti-prejudice but knowing that he actually has the largest inheritance out of the three would change the dynamic and political shemes involved a whole lot

Flayn and Seteth don’t find out the full extent of Rhea’s shady antics. Edelgard assumes they know & condone it and treats them accordingly, they don’t go “We didn’t do it!” ‘cause they don’t know there’s an “it” and naturally enough want to protect their aunt/sister after losing the rest of their family, but at the same time Seteth is a good reasonable man and knows wrongdoing when he sees it (he urges her to come clean, calls her out for the Byleth thing, says something about trying to treat the students equally etc. ), an actual open dialogue there might’ve had unpredictable results ranging from “nothing changes everyone is just sadder and more conflicted” to  “Put down the Axe little miss we’ll talk her into stepping down without a fight” 

I need that Claude and Hubert friendship so badly its so sad that they only come to respect each other by the time one of them is dead or exiled

That said I’d say that even if everyone knew everything (including that they share the same enemies) they have sufficiently different attitudes and methods and there would still be a plot left. 

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sylvain is the only one who isn't directly involved with the tragedy but its a tragedy in itself for him to witness the slow collapse of his friendships and his friends. dimitri slowly losing himself, felix's sudden hatred of the prince who used to be his friend, and ingrid's grief over glenn.

and, he was barely even a teenager. imagine how concerned he must've been and how he must've wanted to do something but just couldn't.

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he heard everything

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sylvain has so little s supports and its only ever with the people who can and will call him out on his bullshit

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azure moon missed out on one thing and it was expanding on how affected felix, sylvain, and ingrid mustve been at timeskip dimitri

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Three Houses and Three Ages; An analysis of the perspective of Time in the ideology of each Lord's Route

META ESSAY TLDR: Each house leader represents the idealized preference of a certain period of time; Claude is the Past, Dimitri is the Present, and Edelgard is the Future. Their routes enforce these time periods as what one should prioritize when making decisions, and what is most important when society is revolutionized.

Playing through Three Houses, it’s quite clear that each of the three main Lord routes is a unique story with more differences between them than which maps are cleared or what nation you fight for; each of the stories is rich with themes and symbolism asking questions to careful readers, and offering different solutions based on the ideals and values of the characters you choose to follow.

Many have suggested before some strong themes these routes carry, most notably the question of “Do the Ends justify the Means?”, and what place memories of the dead should have on the actions of the living. While these hold true on many levels of the story, it never seemed to fully encompass the whole of what the story had to say.

Reading more broadly across the entire text, I have come to think about their messages on a different alternative angle; that each route and lord is also representative of a method of thinking and decisions making that is based on their perspective of Time, ultimately asking the question of where you should look in time to decide what is right when the world is at the brink of revolution.

I propose that Claude, Dimitri, and Edelgard are each defined utterly by the answer they can be seen to represent; the Lessons of the Past, the Reality of the Present, or the Promise of the Future. 

Below, I will go into each character at length and provide specific evidence from the text for my proposal. This breakdown includes detailed spoilers for all routes*. 

Keep reading

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Oh, no! No! I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry

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whatever you do don't think about how legitimately devastated dorothea is and was about having lost those happy days at the academy

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dimitri alexandrre blaiddyd and his gang of traumatized gays

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childhood dimitri just makes me really happy. a dimitri not ruined by the losses he took at a young age. a dimitri not shaken to the core by the impact of duscur and the death of everyone he knew. a dimitri not being stabbed under the pressure of being the next king. a dimitri who's only worries are his immense strength and how he can control it.

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okay sylvain keep using your smiling sprite it only makes your really deep lines more chilling

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sylvain: accidentally says something smart that ruins the perception hes put up of being a dumb skirt chaser

sylvain: ah lmao yeah damn i guessed that ingrid told me one time thats it LMAAAO wow ur so pretty,,,,,,,