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Why I haven’t been around.

Hoo boy, this is gonna be a Longpost™ so I’m probably gonna put it under a cut, just so you guys don’t have to look at the whole thing on your dash. But this is basically just gonna be me outlining why I haven’t been around on Tumblr, and more broadly just kinda everywhere. Also, there might be some darker themes and stuff, so I’ll make sure to put in the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. And before any of you rush to judgments, no I’m not making this post to garner sympathy or for notes or anything like that. If anything I’m just trying to provide an explanation to those who follow me and are disappointed by my lack of posts, and potentially raise awareness for what I’m going through and provide some basic information. So hold on to your hats, because here we gooo! (There’s also gonna be some TMI in here about periods and stuff so if that kind of thing grosses you out then you probably shouldn’t read this tbh)

So I’ve had a few health problems - both physical and mental - that I’ve been trying to  overcome over the past couple of years or so. Most of my problems concern the endocrine (hormone) system and reproductive organs, so if this is TMI, then it might be better for you to not continue reading as I will probably go into some detail.

For about a year or so, I’ve had the official diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, but I’ve been suffering from it for a good five years or so idk? For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, it is a condition that is related to abnormal hormone production in the body, which results in characteristics such as excess hair growth, weight gain, irregular or no periods and - the main focal point - fluid-filled sacs growing in the ovaries, which can cause a lot of pain if they burst. I’d just like to make a note here that I am in no way an expert, so the information here may not be completely accurate, so I urge you to do your own research on this if you wish to find out more, rather than taking what I say as fact. My personal experience with this has been less severe than a lot of cases, I would say. I first started showing symptoms around 2014/2015, when my periods became irregular, and eventually stopped altogether over the period of about 4 months. Naturally, I went to see a doctor, and had maybe the worst experience I’ve ever had with a medical professional. It took him two years (still with no periods) to finally admit that something was wrong, and I ended up having to enter each medical appointment with the attitude that I would need to fight tooth and nail to get him to admit that I could have a problem. But eventually he agreed to send me for an ultrasound, and there it was found that I had a borderline amount of cysts (not enough for a certain diagnosis, but too many to say that there was nothing wrong), leading to a diagnosis being given, as I had a lot of other symptoms. There is no treatment for PCOS, as it cannot be cured, so all the doctors can do is suggest options to manage the symptoms. One such option is the contraceptive pill, which they put me on. I had such a terrible reaction to this that I stopped taking them because it was impossible for me to function as a human being while I was on them, as they worsened the disorder that I will tell you about next. However, when I came off the pill, I actually started getting periods again, which seemed like a miraculous recovery, until something worse happened...

So I was thinking that everything would be magically better when I started having periods again. Unfortunately for me this was not the case. After coming off the contraceptive pill, I had regular (yet very light) periods again. So this meant that the cycle of hormones was continuing normally. For the week or so leading up to my period until a couple of days into the period, where people would often experience PMS, it’s like I became a different person. I’d have episodes where I’d be so sad that I couldn’t get out of bed, and would sometimes barely be able to move. Obviously this caused me to miss a lot of school. I think my attendance at the end of this school year must have been like 50% or something. I’d also experience fits of violent rage, and overwhelming thoughts of self-harm and suicide. In February of this year, it all became too much for me, and I was admitted to the hospital after a suicide attempt. Luckily for me and everyone around me, I survived and was discharged a couple of days afterwards. My memory of the event is terrible due to the nature of the attempt so I couldn’t really tell you very much about my experience. It was a very strange period of time, because about halfway through each period, these symptoms would fade away, and I’d be left wondering why I’d ever had these thoughts and feelings, because they wouldn’t even cross my mind when these ‘episodes’ weren’t going on. It was during this time that a family member sent me a link to an article. This article was about a woman who, like me, suffered an almost complete personality change for a few weeks per month, in a seemingly cyclical nature. Like me, this started when she first got her periods and didn’t affect her all the time. The only difference is that her periods were always regular, whereas I had barely had any due to the PCOS. This woman was diagnosed with a disorder called Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD. A lot of the information is on the website that I have linked, but feel free to do your own research if you’re curious. To summarise, it is a disorder caused by sensitivity to normal hormone fluctuations that causes extreme mood swings, depression, anxiety, bursts of rage etc. between ovulation and bleeding (which basically means the week or two leading up to your period). For me, this disorder is crippling, and has destroyed any chance of a life I could have had. I cannot continue any form of education, I cannot work (I had a job for about an hour before I couldn’t take it but that’s another story), so there’s not much to do with my life. Lately I have been thinking long and hard about some information that I’ve recently come across. According to the Equality Act of 2010 (this applies to me because I live in the UK, but it’ll be different in other countries), a disability is defined as ‘having a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long term negative effect on your ability to do normal day to day activities’. According to this definition, my PMDD is a disability, but I haven’t fully read up on the legislation, so I couldn’t whether legally it would count or anything like that. I also don’t know how I feel about being defined as ‘disabled’, because mental disorders aren’t typically seen as being disabling in our society and there’s a stigma around people with disabilities being ‘helpless’ and I’m certainly not that, and I don’t want to undermine people who suffer from physical disabilities by calling myself ‘disabled’, so there’s a whole host of reasons why I don’t want to jump to that.

Contrary to what I’ve been saying here, there is actually hope for me. PMDD and PCOS are not completely curable per se, but there are ways to manage and educe symptoms, so I can live a normal life (PMDD is more curable than PCOS however, which has been touched upon in the article I linked earlier, and I will briefly discuss in a second). However, so far my GP has been of absolutely no help, and I fully intend to complain officially because the way they have treated me is appalling and has basically ruined the current state of my life. That is why I decided to see a private specialist. I am so lucky that my family have the financial security needed to be able to afford a private healthcare consultation, because I received so much more help from them in the half hour consultation than I ever received from my GP in the four years that I have been going to them for help on these matters. The private doctor listened to the timeline of events that I laid out for her, and the full extent of what is currently going on, and recommended that I take vitamin supplements, as they have been proven to slightly manage PMDD symptoms, and prescribed a five-day contraceptive which would hopefully get my periods kick-started again, as I have missed the last four months with no sign of them returning. I’m currently on the last day of this contraceptive, and I’ve been suffering with really bad PMDD (didn’t really help that I was out drinking on friday which usually makes my symptoms worse, but oh well, it was a good night), so hopefully these will yield results within a couple of days. The consultant is also following up with a colleague in London who is an expert on this kind of thing, and will shoot me an email if she finds anything else out. Treatment options for PMDD can include inducing menopause early or even a hysterectomy (removal of the female reproductive organ), but I have been told that hopefully it will not come to that.

So yeah, that’s been my journey so far. During this time, it’s been difficult, even impossible, to keep up with this blog. I hope that you understand why I haven’t been able to update regularly. If you have any questions, please ask me, and I’ll try to the best of my ability to answer all of them. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with me, and by the way, thank you for 738 followers! I really don’t deserve that much love and support considering I haven’t made a post in months, but it means a lot. I hope this post informed you all about what I’ve been dealing with and all that, and I’ll try to make some sort of recovery in order to keep posting here. I love you guys xx

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I’ll do this my way Don’t matter if I break I gotta be on my own

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Should I be scared?

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Simblr Tag!

I was tagged by the lovely @simmerdownsalem!

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 people

Nickname: Well, my actual name is Ella, but as it turns out I’m apparently impossible to nickname. My girlfriend calls me ‘babe’ a lot, so I guess that counts.

Gender: Female.

Sign: Scorpio.

Height: No idea, but I’m short.

Time: 7:39 pm,

Birthday: October 28th

Favorite band: Ooh, that’s a tricky one. I don’t really have one favourite, but I love Nightwish, Icon For Hire, They Might Be Giants, and Paramore, among many, many others.

Favorite solo artist: I have the same problem here, where I like too many to pick a favourite! Some that are at the top are Hayley Kiyoko, Kimberly Freeman, Sigrid, Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer, and a whole bunch more.

Song stuck in my head: Enya’s Orinoco Flow - it’s on an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that I recently re-watched and it’s been in my head for days.

Last movie i watched: I think it was Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure?

Last show i watched: Friends. I’ve finally started watching it now that it’s on Netflix and I think I’m halfway through season 5. My girl keeps spoiling it though...

When did I create this blog: Ummm... I can’t exactly remember, but it was in the summer of 2017.

What do I post: I used to post a story-based legacy challenge, but now I just can’t find the time to get fully into the game anymore, so I jut post the occasional edit when I have the time. I wish I could be more active for you guys but it’s just not possible at the moment.

What did I last google: ‘Drag race all stars season 3′. I’m completely shameless in my obsession!

Other blogs: I do have a lesser known CC finds blog that I haven’t posted on in months. There’s also my old blog that I used to use before switching over to a Simblr. Neither of them are linked anywhere, and I don’t see the need to as I don’t post on them anymore.

Do I get asks: I’ve gotten the odd one or two asks, but not really frequently.

Why did I choose this URL: I was really struggling with a name - all my good ideas were already taken! So I decided to draw inspiration from one of my favourite bands, Icon For Hire, and replaced the first word with Simmer. It’s not very original, but I’ve grown to love it.

Following: 131.

Followers: 617!!!! Thank you all so much for your support!!!

Average hours of sleep: At least 8, often 9. I try to get as much seep as I possibly can.

Lucky number: I don’t really have a lucky number...?

Instrument: I’ve played the piano since I was around 6, but stopped having formal lessons when I was 16. I still know one song, but don’t really play anymore apart from that.

What am I wearing: A towel... I just got out of the bath.

Dream job: Barrister - it’s not very realistic, but I’m trying.

Favorite food: Once again, I am horribly indecisive. I can’t just choose one favourite food. I can make a really good Chilli Con Carne, so I think I’ll just go with that.

Last book I read: Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland. It’s one of my favourite books, and I always carry around my horrendously tattered copy with me.

3 favorite fandoms: I don’t really follow any fandoms. I prefer to enjoy things at my own pace. I respect people who want to be part of those communities, but it’s not really my style.

I tag: Everyone who wants to do it! I don’t really know who to tag because I don’t know who’s already done it, so if you haven’t done the tag and want to, this is you being tagged!

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All the grass on the other side Is it only greener in my mind? I'd still want it same Because trading my yesterday is to wish my life away.

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I know you think that I erased you You may hate me but I can't hate you.

So this is the result of my attempt at @complicite​‘s Click And Drag CAS challenge! I rolled female, dark skin, black hair, grey eyes, lean/wiry build with an edgy style, which is quite similar to the style of sim I usually create, but I think I love her. Anyway, I’ve been on a bit of an editing spree so I thought I’d try this cool new thing I saw on Pinterest and I think it turned out great.

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Follow me home, pretend you Found somebody to mend you.

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Merry Christmas, everyone!!

I don't have any cute Christmas photos or anything like that, but I wanted to wish you all well!

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4?

4: Is trust a big issue for you?I wouldn’t say so as much as of late; I used to have a lot of issues trusting people, so being able to let my guard down and let people in is probably the best feeling. :)

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GUESS WHO JUST HIT 500 FOLLOWERS!!! Seriously guys, I know I've been suuuuper inactive, but it means so much to me that all of you are sticking by me while I've been away from the Sims. I've been easing myself back into playing because Cats & Dogs just came out and I'm a little bit obsessed with Alaskan Malamutes ❤️. Hopefully I'll have some legacy-related content up soon, but I might just give you some adorable dog screenshots in the meantime. I love you all xxx

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I have a lot to say about the Cats And Dogs expansion pack... but I think this says it all. I’ve been laughing solidly for like 20 minutes

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So I did some long overdue townie makeovers, which means I'm ready to introduce some new characters and the next big scene I'm working on. Hopefully I can do that within the next few days, so hold tight until then!

Booting up The Sims after about a month… I guess you’ll see how it goes. I hope that I’ll be able to bring you guys some more content, if not Hattie’s story then something else!

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Booting up The Sims after about a month... I guess you'll see how it goes. I hope that I'll be able to bring you guys some more content, if not Hattie's story then something else!

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Hey everyone!! I felt like this blog is really lacking in the Sims department (which is pretty bad, considering this is a Simblr), so I decided to post an updated Simself!

This is specifically for @caprisims‘ murder mystery, so I put a little bit of a spooky background on it. It’s not the most spooky, but it’ll do for now.

My Origin ID is Simmer-For-Hire, and I’ve put my Simself up there if you want to download her. I’m really bad at WCIFs, but if you ask me I could probably find some of her CC for you.

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Life Update

I feel like I'm posting too much today, but I thought you might want to hear this.

A few hours ago I got into a car accident. It was a complete accident and no one was hurt. I'm completely fine, if a little shaken up, so you don't need to worry. I'm sorry for giving you so many non-sim related posts today, and I'll start back on the sims content shortly.

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The blog's future

I'm rather at a loss with what you guys want when I come back, so I made this poll for you to answer if you have a few seconds. Thank you for taking the time to have your say in what I do when I return!

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Oh my God! You guys are AMAZING I don't deserve you xxx