But I know I'll take the leap, if it is worth the fall. So long as the blood keeps flowing, I'll set a sail and swim across. I'm not looking to be found, just want to feel unlost.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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yeethaw and howdy once again partners, itās me your least favorite texan sierra. iāve had this character in mind from like the day that i picked up astrid & seren, and now i can finally pick up my edgy chaotic dumbass son. now let me introduce you to maddox anderson.
CHARLES MELTONĀ -Ā MADDOX ANDERSON identifies as CIS-MALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. theyāre a SINGER/ACTOR, and theyāre only TWENTY-FOUR! theyāre said to be CONFIDENT, but also DESTRUCTIVE. i guess thatās why theyāre known as THE DESPONDENT in the tabloids. ( brendon urie / the maine )
biography: ( tw: car accident tw, r*pe tw, abuse tw, suicide tw, death tw, mental health tw, eating disorder tw, alcohol tw )
the fallen angel + the isolato ā aka his early years [ 0 to 12. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. ]
maddox was born into quite the wealthy family? like he was no socialite, but his parents had a high enough status to āspoilā him and get her the the things he wanted, which honestly? wasnāt much
maddoxās mom was an a success story everyone wanted to copy, and as for his dad, he was best known for his acting and directing, they both kind neglected maddox? like they were always both so busy with work they basically missed his entire upbringing? his first word? they were busy taking calls. his first steps? her mom was at work and her dad was asleep. the two just didnāt seem ready for a kid honestly
when maddox was still small enough to not know any better, he was about 3, his family passed away in a car accident after they were hit head-on by a drunken driver
he was adopted by a nice family, his mother a canadian actress and producer, and his father a star player on the tornoto maple leafs
maddox sorta stuck out like a sore thumb compared to his adoptive parents? they were very outgoing and always in the public eye, meanwhile maddox was elusive and just wanted to be by himself
because he was so young when she was adopted, and was constantly around her parents, maddox has a very thick canadian accent? bUT he can also speak french
( okay getting back on track ) she became a child actor and starred on the hit tv show degrassi the next generation for nine seasons, she was constantly in and out of canada for filming, so to this day she considers canada home
the only problem? while on the show he was constantly raped and abused by the producers, they told her that in order to stay on the show itās what she had to do, and so she listened, too afraid of disappointing her adoptive parents
the reveller + the addict + the cataclysmicĀ ā aka his teen years [ 13 to 18. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. ]
fINALLY he started actual high school and wasnāt pretending to be at one for a show anymore, and he moved back to new york full time
he ened up living next door to his best friend gianna. let me tell you these two were attached at the hip, there wasnāt a moment the two didnāt spend together
trying to distract himself from his crush on gia, maddox did a lot, he started dating some girl on the cheerleading team? and it was the worst decision ever? because sheād always say the wrong thing and maddox when hit her? and sheād do the same thing to him? the relationship was just t o x i c
not only that but he got her pregnant, too afraid of what everyone at school would say about her, she decided to get an abortion
maddox broke up with her shortly after which caused her to commit suicide, and to this day he blames herself, thinks if he stayed with her, they couldāve worked something out
maddox got diagnosed with depression, and an eating disorder ( a deadly mix of anorexia and bulimia ), so that year she heavily leaned on gianna, like there wasnāt a moment she wasnāt at her house
and thatās where they got to know each other better, they got so close, theyād hang out with each other after practices, at his house, at her house, she actually thought that maybe they had a connection, that all changed when she confessed something to him
gianna was like lmao i donāt feel the same way that you do, and i kinda just didnāt want to hurt your feelings? and maddox? having it been the first person that he geinunely fell in love with??? and the first person he trusted??? was fucked up by this???
he highkey pushed away everybody that heād become friends with??? including gianna, he lowkey not so lowkey iced her out of his whole life
he had m a j o r anger issues at the point, and just would go out of his ways to start fights with people, especially when heād go out to parties, you could bump into him and immediately he was ready to fight you
he was no longer the maddox that iced himself out from people, he was the maddox that went out to parties, smoked weed, did whatever he could get his hands on, and having sex with whoever he pleased
and then, he met him
the summer of his junior year they had a summer romance, said guy was also on the football team, but had being raped earlier on his life by men who took advantage of him maddox was ashamed of his sexuality, so when the senior year rolled around he restricted their relationship to hooking up behind the bleachers
went to college at juliard, with a full ride scholarship, and lowkey tried to basically forget her past life? she graduated with her bachelor of fine arts in acting
the despondent + the philophobe + the pastiche ā aka his current years [ 19 to current. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. ]
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(1) imessage [ jupiter ]
jupiter: i wasn't planning on it.
jupiter: right because you never do anything wrong. you just put your own needs and wants above everyone else's.
imani: good. i don't want the kids seeing you like this
imani: that's what you have to do to be successful, so yes. i don't know margo and elvie, sorry your friends lost their jobs
jupiter: i'm not an idiot imani. i wouldn't let the kids see me like this, i don't want to be like my dad.
jupiter: do you even care about anyone? do you even care about me? or was i just another one of your fun little conquests?
#why did we do this#i'm sad#i hate it#i just wanted them to be my soft power couple and now this#aLSO ew i need to sleep#ā”āā texts { ft. imani }
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(1) imessage [ jupiter ]
jupiter: hwy pwould yoou care?
jupiter: don't vyou hyave a syhow tvo rget cance?edll skomeone else's lisfe qto runix?
imani: don't bother coming back home tonight.
imani: our shows are competitors. i didn't do anything wrong.
jupiter: i wasn't planning on it.
jupiter: right because you never do anything wrong. you just put your own needs and wants above everyone else's.
#i'm too lazy to fuck up these texts so#you get this#aLSO love that for you#ā”āā texts { ft. imani }
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(1) imessage [ jupiter ]
jupiter: swhy shoufld i ecmo houme?
jupiter: yso we cna yell at neach othoer some morev? so we can act like mmy parrents ni fornt of the kids? fuck yttha. i'm styaing hvere
imani: are you deadass drunk right now?
imani: we get into one fight and you go out and get wasted? seriously? really?
jupiter: hwy pwould yoou care?
jupiter: don't vyou hyave a syhow tvo rget cance?edll skomeone else's lisfe qto runix?
#i read 'deadass' and started laughing#that's it#aNYWAYS i'm gonna cry#thanks i hate it#ā”āā texts { ft. imani }
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(1) imessage [ jupiter ]
imani: answer your phone please where the hell are you?
imani: look you can be pissed at me but the kids already miss you. so come back and i'll just leave ig idk
jupiter: swhy shoufld i ecmo houme?
jupiter: yso we cna yell at neach othoer some morev? so we can act like mmy parrents ni fornt of the kids? fuck yttha. i'm styaing hvere
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mentions of: @ofcmargosā & @ofcimani
jupiter let the door slam behind him with a satisfying thud, his car key tightly gripped in his hand, too many emotions swirled around him, and he couldnāt tell whether or not he was going to burst into tears, or punch a hole through the wall in front of him.Ā
after imaniās revelation and their sudden argument with one another, he just needed to get out afar away from her and everyone else as possible. so itād been her, sheād been the one that drove his siblings out of new york city for nothing more than a stupid award. he couldnāt even think about it without wanting to vomit. the idolized version of her wiping away in his mind, and suddenly becoming tainted, a watered down version of what she once was.
finally in the comfort of his car, he tried margoās cell for what felt like the millionth time, to only get the same response he had for the past few days, which was ultimately nothing.
he slammed his hands on the steering wheel, a choked sob escaping from him, he thought back to when they were kids, how full of life they were, and how close theyād become. his little sister. maybe the only person in this whole world who could understand why he is the way he is.
jupiter had saved up all that he could that week in order to buy margo a birthday cake, she deserved a proper celebration. one that didnāt include their drunk parents arguing over nothing.
āi hope you donāt mind it being here, itās the only place i could find.ā she says motioning to the small park around them, it was close enough to their house that they wouldnāt have to about facing the wrath of their parents later on, but far enough that they didnāt have to hear them take their anger out on each other.Ā āi promise that iāll never hate you.ā he blurts,Ā āi donāt want us to become like them, always arguing, alright squirt?ā he beams a smile at her.
he sings her happy birthday before she blows out the candles, and he makes a wish of his own, i wish that you never have to deal with anything like this again, that you have no more hurt inflicted upon you.Ā they play at the park for what seems like hours, these are the quiet moments that make everything seem like itāll be alright eventually. margo climbing up to the top of the toy rocket that laid in the center of the park, and naming herself queen. they probably couldāve stayed there forever. though queendoms eventually fall, and so much childhood wonder isnāt meant to last.
the sobbing has stopped, now replaced with the numb feeling in his chest. he could never hate her, heād promised her that on her birthday. he only hated himself. heād been stupid enough to negate the only wish he had for her that day, he wished that no one would ever hurt her again. and here they were.
he finally starts the car, driving away from the penthouse and away from imani and the kids away from any problems he possibly could think is troubling him right now. the bass from the radio turned up much to loud is the only thing bringing him feeling. the vibrations from the music travelling through his fingertips and reminding him yet again that heās human.
had it been a year ago today this wouldnāt have been jupiterās method to cope, he could see the shiny medallion in the windshield, there to remind jupiter in times like this, how far heād truly come. but the usual helpful reminder is bittersweet as he thinks of margo yet again, the look in her eyes the day sheād come to visit him in rehab.
āiām sorry.ā itās probably the tenth time jupiter has apologized within the ten seconds of her standing in front of him.Ā āiām sorry.ā he repeats, tears streaming down his face already.
āi knew i had a problem, but i didnāt want to admit it.ā he hasnāt stopped crying,Ā āand i know when we were kids we promised weād stay away from alcohol and drugs and stuff because we didnāt want to be like mom and dad. but it hurts margo. it hurts.Ā and the only thing i knew could numb the pain was the things we said weād stay away from.ā
as she attempts to hug him he turns away,Ā ādonāt. iām a fuck up just like my dad was. and iām probably going to end up like he is. dead.ā he sees the tears in her eyes as he makes the morbid statement, and he hugs her,Ā ā...wait margo iām sorry. please donāt leave me. youāre the only person that believes in me right now, i want to get better. iām going to get better. for you.ā he says a single tear sliding down his face.
and with that heās crying again. realizing all heās accomplished is driving in circles, his eyes dart to the bar that heās passed maybe five or six times now, and each time he looks the medallion stares back at him. reminding him of how hard heād work to get to a year. so his eyes dart to the diner right next to it, and he pulls over. stepping out of his car and entering the building.
he wipes his eyes, as heās approached by a staff member,Ā āhow can i help you?āĀ
he sits down at the stool, looking down at the medallion thatās made itās way into his hand,Ā āiām celebrating a year so let me have...ā he taps his fingers against the medallion before shoving it in his pockets,Ā āa whiskey on the rocks.ā heād been telling himself that he couldnāt do anything right, but that wasnāt true. the only thing he could do betterĀ than anyone else. was drink.
#alcohol tw#drugs tw#relapse tw#:))))))))))))))))))))#me: was supposed to writers starters#also me: writes this instead#ā”āā self-para
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@jupiter: apparently my girlfriend doesn't wanna give me love and affection so wassup
#ā”āā tweets#is this me tweeting through jupiter?#yuh fight me#also sksksks hi i'm writing him an actual starter promise
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āohāā slips from her lips. of course she knew. imani single-handedly orchestrated the whole thing. with rickyās help, nonetheless. she nods softly, trying her best to look riddled with concern. she isnāt. to be fair, she did know jupiter was close to margo and elvie. but, she didnāt exactly⦠consider how heād feel about loosing the show. āuh, no. sort of, they mightāve mentioned cutting funding or something..ā her voice tapers off, she canāt really lie to him all that well. she doesnāt want to lie to him. somehow, sheās justified this already. peter parker would be taking ghost galleryās number one spot, and emmy nominations. it was worth cutting off a few less than essential people to her. āthe industryās⦠cutthroat. these things happenā¦iām sure one of them will get back to you soon.ā
he stops leaning against her, a heavy sigh escaping from his lips.Ā ā ā oh.ā was all that he manages to sputter out. still trying to wrap his head around whatever the hell was going on. he could use a beer, or ten at this point. but heād made a pact to himself to make it to one year, he couldnāt possibly be breaking now.Ā āif something was going on youād tell me right?ā he asks, sad worn out eyes making their way to meet hers.Ā ā ā itās just,ā yet another heavy sigh passes his lips,Ā āi get that, the music industry is the same way. and sometimes these things happen ā but margo and i are step-siblings sort of, and elvie is like the little brother i never had.ā technically he did have one, and yet his life was stripped away from him. hudson armstrong,Ā hence his son hudsonās name. though imani didnāt know that, she didnāt need to know that.
#ā”āā threads { ft. imani }#skskksks ur evil for encouraging this#but ig it's happening now#aLSO i know you're at work#but hi i love you
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ābabyā?ā she calls, entering the house. the kids zip past her into the house, all caring bags of new toys imaniās just bought each of them. she did it to celebrate, really. peter parker can finally have that number one spot. āoh hi honey.ā she grins, seeing him in the living room. āhudsonās got a brand new box of hot wheels. and the girls got a new box of crayons.ā imani details, resting her head on his shoulder. she sighs, totally happy. everythingās fallen into place, really. sheās going to be so successful, sheās in a perfect relationship, had the perfect kids. she could want Ā nothing more. Ā imani glances up at his facial expressionā not nearly as chipper as she expected. āwhatās the matter, honey?ā
jupiterās just heard the news, heās tried calling margo and elvie what feels like thousands of times. heās so lost in his thought that he almost doesnāt hear imani walk through the front door until the kids zip past them. he smiles at them ruffling hudsonās hair, and kissing bree and kenzie on the forehead.Ā āthatās good.ā heās not nearly as cheery as heād usually be by seeing the kids and imani. though he doesnāt push her away as she lays on his shoulders,Ā āi just heard ghost gallery got cancelled. and margo nor elvie are answering their phones. did you know? i know you know a bunch of the higher ups at netflix, maybe they said something to you.ā he sighs, lying his head against hers.Ā āthis is just so sudden, everything seemed fine.ā
#ā”āā threads { ft. imani }#sO#i've been contemplating#what if#and i'm saying /if/#jupiter ends up breaking his sobriety?
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āŖ ā„ā Ų ā Ļ mani
@ofcimani
send me a āŖ for a song that reminds me of our muses and my favorite lyrics from it.
best part daniel caesar ft. h.e.rāyou donāt know, babe. when you hold me, and kiss me slowly, itās the sweetest thing. and it donāt chang. iIf I had it my way, you would know that you are. youāre the coffee that I need in the morning. youāre my sunshine in the rain when itās pouring. wonāt you give yourself to me. give it all, i just wanna see. iĀ just wanna see how beautiful you are. you know that I see it, iĀ know youāre a star. where you go I follow, no matter how far. if life is a movie, oh youāre the best part.ā
send meĀ a ā„ for one thing my muse likes about yours.jupiter loves everything about her are you kidding. though if heād have to choose he loves how independent she is.
send me a ā for one thing my muse dislikes about yours.jupiter was always told you like because you love despite. you like someone because of some of their qualities, and you love someone despite all of their qualities.
send me a Ų for a random thought my muse has about yours.one day iām going to marry that girl.
send me a ā for something my muse would never say to your muse.āiām absolutely falling head over heels in love with you, and that scares me.ā
send me a Ļ for a plot i think would be fun for your muse/our musesso uhhh iām not saying they should get married or anything, but eventually they should get married.
#this is so soft#also the song? idc how cheesy it is#it makes him think of her everytime#ā”āā answered { not to spoil the ending but everything is going to be okay. }
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who's your girlfriend can you mention her again
āiād gladly mention her a hundred times over. i donāt think iāve mentioned her yet but her nameās imani, and i think she might be the one. she makes me smile more than anyone else, she gives me butterflies no matter how juvenile that might sound, sheās the most hardworking person i know, and sheās an amazing mom. i love her a lot.ā // @ofcimani
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recently jupiter had been in his own little bubble with imani and the kids, blissfully unaware to what seemed to being on around them. he hadnāt spoken to margo or elvie in weeks, at least not in person anyways. he had left the kids with imani and nova, heading over to elvieās and astreaās place. he knocked on the door, waiting almost impatiently for elvie to answer.Ā āhey pipsqueak.ā he comments, the nickname from the first time theyād met all those years ago, and even now when jupiterās only a few inches above elvie, he still uses it.Ā āsorry for coming unannounced. i wouldāve brought hudson, but i didnāt know whether or not you wanted a two-year-old running around your place. anyways, i havenāt heard from you or margo in like weeks. i wouldāve called or texted, but this just felt right i guess.ā heās never been good with words unless heās telling imani how beautiful she is.Ā āi donāt have to hang around if you donāt want.ā // @ellvie
#did you know jupiter's dating imani?#he's only mentioned it eight million times#also enjoy a classic trash! starter#ā”āā threads { ft. elvie }
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"youāre hurt? all i get is a daydream? what about a real dream, hm? or a wet dream?ā imani jokes, letting out a big laugh as she pushes him playfully. sheās never been so open with someone, so willingly vulnerable. sheās never been able to figure out how jupiter does it. she nods, her hand reaching up to push away a strand of his hair from his forehead. āyou did. and i didnāt believe you.ā she tells him, her voice so soft. she looks up at him with love in her eyes. complete affection. he felt like the one. ādear god, thatās a good idea. weāre going to disney for kennyās birthday in a few weeks, maybe sheāll fall in love with the little mermaid or something.ā she smiles, picturing their kids running around disney land with them. it was going to be the best day of kenzieās lifeā and something imani knew would fill her heart up with love. she bashfully looks away as he calls her a terrific mom. āstop,ā she says, gently hitting his arm. her eyes flutter back into his. he promises. no oneās ever promised her anything. āshe.. needs someone like you.. sheās so lucky to have you.ā she pauses, picking up his hand in hers. āwe both are.ā she bites her lesser lip, rolling her eyes again. āyouāre so sweet.ā she tells him. as he cups her cheek, she notices a small mark on his arm. thereās several others sheās noticed. it seemed, sheās always finding a new faded, aged scar on his skin. sheās never sure if she should ask. she pulls his hand from her cheek, holding it herās she looks at the scar. āand what happened here..?ā she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. she places a soft kiss on the mark.
he rolls his eye at her remark,Ā āokay how about your every dream iāve ever had? does that please you enough miss thompson?ā the nickname feels so foreign leaving his lips having been replaced with things such asĀ āprincessā andĀ ābabyā. thereās a big smile on his face as she pushes away a strand of hair from his forehead,Ā āwell look at us now princess.ā he looks at her in a way that heās never looked at anyone before,Ā āhopefully iāve convinced you.ā his smile only grows wider,Ā āah yes so she can come home singing part of your world. why not something with more taste like beauty and the beast? i think i could listen toĀ ābe our guestā on repeat and never get tired of it.ā he obviously exaggerating, poking fun at himself. thinking of their kids running around disney land together without a care in the world.Ā āwhy?ā he laughs,Ā āwhy should i stop when itās true?ā he looks at her, the adoration in his eyes growing even stronger,Ā āand the kids are lucky to have you too. iām lucky to have you.ā kissing her seems like the only viable option and so he does, gently and passionately, pulling away only to hear that he was sweet.Ā āand taste sweet.ā heās teasing yet again, wanting to see that beautiful smile of her pulls at her features. as she looks at the scar his heart seems to drop, his mouth suddenly going dry as she kissed the scar gently,Ā āit happened when i was a kid, my dad had a lot of built upā anger. ā i donāt know i guess to him i just seemed like the perfect punching bag.ā heās never opened up about his past to her before, heās obviously nervous eyes quickly flickering from hers.
#ā”āā threads { ft. imani }#listen...#sis i'm tired and this probably doesn't make sense#because! it! was! garbage!
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happy valentineās day jupiter,Ā
thank you for existing. youāre just pure magic to me. the kiddos and i are getting better at baking!Ā
xo imaniĀ
#sIS#jupiter? not even dead. he deaded.#i'm crying i love them so much#i can't wait for you to see her gifts#submission
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favorite person in the city
āthereās way too many people in new york who are my favorite for me to choose just one. so instead iām going to cheat and tell you my favorite people, elvie and margo of course. then thereās imani, who iām convinced put the stars in the sky. of course our kids bree, hudson, and kenzie. and my best friend apollo.ā // @ellvie @ofcmargos @ofcimani & @norightwcy
#hi have u met soft!jupiter yet?#ā”āā answered { not to spoil the ending but everything is going to be okay. }
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