simplymiss35

[simplymiss35]

I never really resonated with the idea of spoon theory for explaining chronic issues. So I wanted to present a new concept:

Living with chronic pain and chronic illness is like having an above-ground pool in your backyard. When you are fine and healthy, the pool is intact and all the water stays inside. Sure, some evaporates over time, and sometimes you feel really good and have a pool party and people splash out a bunch of water, but between the rain that naturally fills it up and turning on the hose to refill it (i.e. taking a rest day or doing self care to refill your energy levels) every now and then, it stays pretty full.

Now, if you have chronic pain, you are essentially poking tiny holes in the lining of the pool. Some people only have a few holes here and there, and they are small. Some people have a lot of small holes, some people have a few big holes, and some people have a lot of big holes. It all depends on what is causing the holes and how that is affecting the water level.

One tiny hole lets water out, but it's such a small amount you don't even notice it is leaving the pool. However, over time, you keep adding tiny holes, to the point where you start to notice that the pool isn't as full as it used to be. You realize you are having to put in more water and can't rely on the rain to naturally fill it up how it used to. You try to put more water in through the hose from your house, but the hose is only so big and takes forever to fill it back up. And with all the holes, the pool never really goes back to the completely full level it once was at.

So you try to patch the holes. Of course, you are having to do this while they are still leaking, so it is very difficult. You try one solution, and it patches a bunch of holes, but it only lasts for a little bit of time before the patches fall off and the water flows out again. Or maybe you try a different solution. This solution lasts much longer, but it can only patch one or two holes at a time, so it doesn't help very much overall. You can also try to get a larger hose, and for a time adding more water faster through the hose helps the level stay up, but you can't drink from a fire hose forever.

After a while, you are tired of having to patch the wholes every day. You keep trying, but it's difficult. So you get used to living with a pool that doesn't have as much water as most people's pools. You don't invite other people over any more, because you can't risk splashing out too much water because it is so hard to fill it back up. Eventually, if you are lucky, you get your pool to a level where, while it is still leaking, the natural rain and what you can add from the hose keep it pretty even from day to day. You know where it is every day, so you learn to live with it.

And then your annoying cousin comes over and belly flops against the side of the pool and hundreds of gallons flow out and it takes you days to recover from that onslaught. So you close down the pool and don't let anyone near it again, because even if you have told everyone a million times not to jump in your pool, they don't really understand why they can't use a perfectly normal-looking pool and don't know the hours of work it took to get the pool "normal-looking" and the millions of little holes that are draining your pool constantly.