sirduck45

[sirduck45]

I want to be someone's escape. I want to have that intimacy with someone where they feel safe in a world I created. I want to be a part of something greater than me.

me :P

[sirduck45]

A Photo I Can’t Keep

It was quite beautiful. One of the best pictures I’ve taken, if I might say so. A beautiful memory from a time I don’t want to remember. 

We had taken a drive to my favorite place. A space where I felt time did not pass, somewhere I wanted to spend a lifetime with them. The winter still had a slight grip on the landscape, the bright green of the world was replaced with a bleak brown and gray.

I hate that I remember that day.

A calm before a storm of my own making.

But the view…

We stopped at the dam. That was where it happened. We carved our names not knowing it was wrong. I sometimes wonder how many hearts and cuts in the wood still remain. For at least one did not last the test of time.

The water was what made the picture. As we stood at the top, the mist rose and the sun, which was starting to set, laid out this beautiful setting. 

It was completely by accident, the picture. I half felt that with my eyes closed it would turn out blurry or crooked somehow. But no… 

We stood at the top of the dam looking down as the gallons of water poured into the river. It felt like something out of a dream. The blue hue, people could say was fake, but everything about the picture was authentic. From the lighting to the feelings that arose in us. The mist and the sun seemed to create a halo effect around us. Our kiss being the center point. Nothing but a blissful moment caught in time.

As the dusk turned to night and as the night turned to tiredness we took a chance, one that I would not take again. It seemed like it was us against the world, wanting to make it on our own.

I hung it on my wall. On display for all to see but as a reminder to me that the moment was real. Now all I have is a dull reminder of what once was.

I went back today to try to recapture the feeling on my own. Only to be met with a gray sky and a colorless feeling. Is my whole world turned to gray in your absence? It couldn’t be. I didn’t want you to leave but I knew it was going to happen. With a sharp tongue and a change of mind or heart, it happened. As fast and as simple as turning the light on.

I no longer have the picture, it was the first thing to go. A few words was all that was exchanged, a few more tears and just another heartbreak. All from a picture I can’t keep.

[sirduck45]

Are You Proud Of Me Yet?

Look what I did mom

Are you proud of me

Look closer and you’ll see

Don’t you see yourself

------------------------------------

I followed my heart like you said

I love the people I love

Is this not who you were thinking of

I guess you meant someone else

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I wanted to be just like you

The more I try the more I fail

It’s time to weigh anchor and set sail

To find a new idol I can match

-----------------------------------

Look what I did dad

Aren’t you proud of me

Look closer and you’ll see

I’m just like you but worse

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I made my own decisions

Just like you told me to do

But they contradict everything you

I guess you still need me under control

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I’m my own person now

I stood up for what I believe in

But standing up to you is a sin

Deep down I’m just another version of you

-----------------------------------------------------

Look what I did family

Why aren’t you proud of me

Look closer and you’ll see

It always had to be this way

----------------------------------------

To everyone else I’m a success

But to you I could be better

I’m told that I’m a go getter

But to you I’m a failure

-----------------------------------

I did what I had to do

I’m free but all alone

I fought with every last bone

But you still aren’t proud of me

[sirduck45]

Chapter 8 Book 10

We sat down at the fire in the middle of the forest, the stars shone brightly through the trees. All of us were a little on edge from earlier in the night. Ashes from the fire rose towards the ceiling of the forest, just barely licking the leaves of the trees. At least we were far enough out that we could have a small fire and not be noticed by the enemy, for tonight that is.

Jaqu stood leaning against a tree as Patell readied his bed for the night. Morgans sat opposite me shivering with his hands outstretched to the warmth of the fire. No one said a word, only the sound of the crackling fire and the howling of the wind filled the silence.

Hughes sat down a few feet from me, I could tell he was trying to avoid eye contact, which wasn’t usual after people found out what I am. I brush it off and stare into the flames as they dance on the burning log.

“Uh…” Hughes said, breaking the silence. I turned to him as he tried to come up with the right words. “So, um… if you don’t mind me asking… uh what… are you...oh uh ma'am.” The three other men looked up waiting for an answer. Patell already knew but he looked up hoping to hear more about my past. Morgans looked up slightly, still shivering and Jaqus eyes were already on me.

“I’m a Shapeshifter,” I say looking into the flames to avoid their faces.

“Just into a wolf?” Hughes pursued.

“No, into any living animal,” I explain using a stick to poke at the burning logs.

“So, let’s say something kicks the bucket,” Morgans suggested looking at me through the flames.

“Then I can’t turn into that anymore.”

The three exchanged glances as I kept my eyes glued to the flames, it's much better to pretend they weren’t staring. I start to fidget with my hands as I adjust myself on the uncomfortable log that I was sitting on. Patell glanced up at me giving me a look, daring me to share more about my past. My eyes dart back to the flames, I wasn’t that stupid. A gust of wind blew through the camp shaking the trees and pushing the flames. An ache from my back made me sit up taller.

“When did this happen?” Hughes scooted slightly closer to me. This time his eyes locked with mine; I was slightly taken aback by how close he was. Behind him, Patell’s face hardened in the shadows.

“Uh, long time ago,” I say, tearing my eyes away from Hughes. My heart was beating faster than before as I concentrated on the fire. Hughes turns away with slight disappointment. I felt slightly bad, I couldn’t remember the last time someone was genuinely interested in my past. Sure, I wanted to tell him more but I wasn’t about to step out of line with Patell watching. What the hell was this feeling? Why did I just want to spill my guts to this guy? Did I-

“We should get some rest, I’ll keep watch for a few hours. The rest of you get some sleep,” Patell walked over looming above Hughes and me. “We got a long day ahead of us.” He stood looking down on me most likely staring daggers into the back of my head. After a few moments, he strode over to the far side of the camp.

Morgans and Jaqu could feel the tension rise between us. I take a deep breath and stand up. There wasn’t anything I could do or say. As I walked over to my pack, I already knew I was about to hear it from Patell.

“Psst,” a voice calls in the darkness. I rolled over in the dirt, the fire had died and only a few embers were red. Patell, Morgans, and Jaqu all lay sound asleep on the opposite side of the burning coals. “Psst,” a voice calls again.

“What?” I ask in a groggy voice. Hughes was kneeling over me with his gun in his hands, I could hear his heart beating quickly from where I lay. He looked at me then nodded towards the trees, everything was dark, even with my night vision I could barely make anything out.

“Is there something out there?” He asked clutching his gun straining his neck to see something deep in the forest. I glance up at him with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, definitely,” I say with annoyance, and I rolled back over.

“Just thought I’d ask, cause you know… you could um, make them go away,” He perched himself back on a stump.

“You scared soldier?” I yawned.

“Maybe, but are you?”

I rolled back over as he softly looked down at me. “What do you mean?”

“Patell seemed like he was about to bust your chops there,” Hughes chuckled. I glanced back over to Patell’s lump over by Morgans. Hopefully, he couldn’t hear us.

“I’m just not supposed to talk about myself,” I bring my arms closer to me to shelter myself from the cold. “It’s classified.”

“Is it actually?” Hughes asked after a brief pause. “Or do you just not want to tell me.” I let out a deep sigh and sat right up facing him.

“What do you want to know?”

“Well for starters, where you always like… this?”

“No,” I say slowly as I grab my jacket. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for a direct answer. I had to think for a moment, for all the years I’ve been kicking, I don’t remember the actual year that I died. “I think it was back in the 1670s…?”  

His eyes bulge out of his head, “You’re kidding right?” I looked at him with a straight face, if he was about to say something cockeyed, I wasn’t having it. “What happened, uh if I can ask that is.”

I glanced back over to where Patell slept, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. “Uh long story short I died and a necromancer or something brought me back like this.” Hughes eyes were fixed on me, why did I feel so on edge? “Aaaand uh I’ve been alive ever since.”

“So... you’re immortal?”

“Kind of.”

I glanced up at the night sky, I couldn’t make out any constellations through the trees. I just needed an excuse not to look at him directly.

“Why don’t more people know about you,” Hughes asked, “Why are you like a secret?” I gave him a stern look. He should know why, but then again, he doesn’t know what it’s like to be like me. I bite my lip unsure if I should tell him, after all I was already in way too deep. I let out a small sigh.

“Well, if you must know,” I say, “there are a lot of people out there who think they can use me for my powers.” I use air quotes when I say ‘powers’ since nothing I do seems like a superhero and certainly don’t get rewarded like one. “The government keeps me away from the public and throws people off if they’re getting close to knowing what I am.”

Hughes swallowed tightly. “Does that mean me too?”

“No,” I smile, “this can be our secret.” As he smiles back, I couldn’t help but admire how he looked under the low light. The little stubble he had squished together as he gave me a stupid grin. I suddenly felt blood rush to my cheeks, I’m sure he couldn’t see but I still turned away. What the hell had gotten into me?

“What is it?” he chuckled as he leaned closer to me.

“I thought I heard something,” I lie as my heart races in my chest and something seems to flutter around in my stomach. I turn to him as the moment passes. “You should get some sleep.” My cold hard exterior rushed over me again, I was not going to get caught being vulnerable like that in front of anyone.

Hughes smirked and walked over to his sleeping bag. He practically fell over and within minutes he was snoring. My eyes rested on him for the remainder of the night.

[sirduck45]

Chapter 6 Book 10

We jump from the plane and land without incident. The five of us start to walk through the forest as the sun sets on the German horizon. Tree limbs cover the loose train that we followed, sometimes it was hard for me to tell the difference between each trail. Oak trees obscured our vision of the cloudy sky. The closest allied base is about thirty miles behind us. There was no one out there to protect us but ourselves. A cold wind blew through the trees, winter was on the way, my least favorite season. The wind made my scalp seem to squirm, sure my brown pixie cut was required for duty but it sure didn’t keep my head or ears warm.

“When do we want to set up camp?” Hughes said quietly from behind me. I pause for a moment and turn to him. “Err.. mam.” He corrects himself with a sheepish smile. For some reason, I can feel myself take a new look at him. Yeah, he was a bit of a yuck at first but maybe I was wrong. Not to mention he was a bit of a dreamboat.

I shake the feeling and glance up at the horizon.  

“Sun’s going down,” I mentioned. “Let’s keep g-”  

I paused as something caught my attention. A strong scent came from just a head.

“What’s buzzin?” Patell whispered as I turned towards the path in front of us. I could smell them and hear the faint howls. This was their territory.

“I need to go settle something,” I say as I lay down my pack in front of them.

“Need some of your unmentionables?” Patell joked as he jabbed Morgans in his side with his elbow and gave him a wink.

“Watch it,” I snap. Without another word, I break out into a sprint heading deep into their territory. Just as I was almost out of sight of the four of them, I jump and land on all fours in the form of a grey wolf. I ran past a few places where they had marked knowing that they’ll be on me in minutes. But there was no other way, we couldn’t risk getting to the destination a day late. If we missed the gathering in the city, our target officer, who we need to take down, would be lost and the mission would be a failure, and I wasn’t about to pay the price for that. The only way there was through their territory.

A sharp howl cuts through the trees. I feel the ground shake as two massive wolves come up from behind me. Another wolf jumps down from a small ledge and lands in front of me. None of them were the alpha but they all meant business.

“This is our territory. Leave.” One growled as he bared his teeth which were stained yellow.

“I need the Alpha.” I barked holding my ground. As I sized them up, I knew I could take them but there was no way I was getting away clean.

“Leave.”

“It’s not safe here,” I tell them. I can see as they exchange glances, they knew I was right. With the engines of planes flying overhead, constant gunfire, they knew something was wrong.

“Leave,” the biggest one ordered.

“I can make it stop,” I tell them. I was bum rapping for sure but there wasn’t anything I could do for them or anyone for that matter. I was just a pawn in an endless war to end all wars.

“You are not like us,” a howl came from up ahead. The alpha stood over me as the three others stood behind him. “You pretend you are, but you are not, monster.”

I shuffle back slightly and bare my teeth. I could kill them if I had to.

“It’s not safe here, for you or for me, I can help,” I say through gritted teeth.

“How can we trust you?” Alpha asks getting closer to my snout.

“You’ll just have to believe me.” The two other wolves behind him exchange worried glances while the Alpha never takes his eyes off me. “The strange noises, from above and to the North, I know you’ve heard them,” I explain as I straighten, “It means danger, for you and the pack. It will kill us all. It shows no mercy.” The Alpha glares at me without breaking eye contact. After a second, he snarled and backed up.

“Go.” He said firmly, pushing the other two out of his way as he turned away.

“I have others,” I say quickly hoping he won’t change his mind. “They’re waiting back for me.”

“Go before I change my mind.”

With that, I break into a sprint and race to the outskirts of their territory. The men stood there waiting, wondering where the hell I went.

“Hey!” I bark. As I trot up to them Hughes aims his gun at my face and Morgans jumps behind him.

“Whoa, whoa take it, easy fella,” Patell warns as he puts Hughes’ gun down. I stand up and transform back into a human and watch as their eyes bulge out of their heads.

“O Deus meus,” Jaqu whispers under his breath for the first time.

“You said it,” Morgans chirped. Hughes just stared at me with awe, something seemed to glisten in his eyes.  

“They’ll let us through, but we need to hurry,” I inform them, turning to Patell.

“Who?”

“There’s a pack of wolves, not friendly, but I convinced them to let us through, but we need to be quick. No guns out, no sound, got it?” All four of them exchange glances as they swing their guns onto their backs.

I lead the group forward tracing my steps up to where the wolves had stopped me. Morgans seemed on edge, but when wasn’t he to be honest. Upon the ledge I could see out of the corner of my eye, one of the wolves pacing as we made our way through the woods. I wanted to run and hurry but these guys would wig out or worse.

A low growl came from behind a tree a few feet away. Patell drew his gun. With a quick reflex, I tip the barrel of his gun down and put a finger to my lips. If they knew we had guns we’d be done for. Plus, a gun shot out here in the middle of nowhere would give away our position. This had to be done quietly.

“Uh… mam?” Morgans stammered and pointed behind us. One of the wolves stood about fifty feet behind us lowered to the ground ready to run. Its eyes locked onto our backs.

“Keep moving,” I turn them around and start to walk faster. The wolf's patience was being tested and I didn’t want us to be around when it ran out. They were downwind of us so I couldn’t smell them from behind. A few quick glances later I could tell they were closing in on us, hiding among the trees watching us, waiting to attack. I wasn’t scared that they would attack, more afraid of one of these fat heads would pull the trigger. I could hear the low grumbling of snarls coming through the trees, they were hiding their numbers.

The group huddled closer together, our backs were being pushed against the wall. The path was narrowing with two hills on either side of us. Although the others couldn’t see the wolves poking around trees, I could. But all of us heard the howling. One wolf stood there, its sound ripped sharply through the waning light of the night.

Patell aimed his rifle at the hound.  

“What the fuck are you doing,” I muttered harshly as I sprung back at him hoping the wolves didn’t see him.

“If it keeps howling, it’ll give away our position,” Patell argued trying to free my grip from his rifle.

“And if you shoot it, you’ll give away our position,” Quickly ripping his gun away from him I sling it onto my back and shoot him a glare. “Just keep moving,” I hissed. The other three followed closely behind me, I could feel the heat radiating off of Patell. If we got out of this alive, he was going to kill me.

Up ahead I could tell that we were almost out of the territory, the wolf’s scent was fading. We were almost out. A snap from a tree branch came from behind us, it was Hughes who raised his gun pointing it directly in the face of the Alpha. The Alpha let out a growl and snarled at Hughes.

“Hughes… put the gun down,” I order slowly as I shuffle towards him. The Alpha looks at me with a disgusted look at the gun hanging off my back. I stand close to Hughes, his eyes glued on the teeth-baring wolf in front of him. “Stand down,” I whisper. With a little push, Hughes lowers his gun still gazing at the wolf. Low growls came from behind us as the other wolves readied themselves.

The Alpha looks at the gun, then to Hughes, and then to me. He stares into my eyes knowing that he was right, I’m not like him. Worse than that we betrayed their trust, we came into their territory and threatened them. The word ‘monster’ echoes in my head. But all I could think was that they were right. With a quick sneeze, he steps back and howls a chorus of responses echo in the woods. The Alpha glares at me one more time before turning around and retreating into the woods.

“What the hell was that?” Hughes said, I turned to him and realized just how close I was. I take a small step back as I glance at him.

“Come on, we need to keep moving,” I walk through the small group of men and out of the wolf's territory.

[sirduck45]

How To Write

How do I write well?

When will I be able to tell?

The difference between

Then and now

Stanzas, syntaxes what the fuck

I won’t be able to pass without luck

I have so much to say

But don’t know how to say it

I have worlds dancing in my head

But I can only see them in my bed

How can I go from a thought

To words on a page?

No one can tell me

That I will be

A great writer

A great author

I am none of those things

But I have these beings

Who year to see

The beautiful light of day

They claw at the walls of my brain

Shouting like thunder through the rain

I just need them out so I can see them

I just want to write

But no, I sit here and listen

About someone with a boat and a mission

While I waste away with my dreams

Never knowing how to make them real

How do I improve myself

Do I have to call someone like a magic elf?

How do I get from point A to B?

I willing to put in the effort but I don’t know where to start

My characters beg me to write them

I’ve tried to, but they come out like phlegm

I know they are better

I know I can be better

How do I write a story?

How can I rise to claim my glory?

I know I can have it

I know I deserve it

But I sit and stay quiet

Calm outside but inside a riot

As I push out another meaningless poem

For someone to enjoy

[sirduck45]

The Night (cont.)

Hey thanks for asking me to finish this I had fun writing this last piece and I can’t wait to bring some more stuff out for all two of you guys

Softly he pushes me down onto the bed. He looked me up and down as he was leaning in between my legs, wondering where to start. His lips start on my stomach as his hands slip off my panties. I grab the covers as I try to control my shivering. Instead of coming up further, his head moves down. His hands grab my thighs to hold me in place. My eyes widen as his tongue meets my skin. I grab his head to hold him down there.

________________________________________________________________

A deep moan comes from his throat, the reverb shakes through my legs, causing my fists to clench. Quickly his hands let go of me and reach for my hands, taking them out of his hair which I had in a deathlock. His head came out from in between my legs, he looked up at me with concern. Everything was still shaking.

“You ok?” he asked, his hair messy and bunched. I nodded knowing in my stomach something felt off. Yeah, I was scared but I’m not about to admit that to him. “Maybe I should have told you to be gentle,” he laughed as he climbed up closer to me. His mouth smelled like me, I don’t even know why I was paying attention to that fact. My hands fell to his waist, he reached underneath me to caress my ass. I lifted myself slightly. I wasn’t too familiar with the feeling of his hands on me, or anyone’s for that matter. 

John's nose was almost touching mine as he leaned in closer.

“Do you mind?” he asked softly his breath tasking like… I shook my head, him asking stilled me for a moment. As we kissed the smell lingered in his beard and brushed off on my face. My arms come up to wrap around his head as he presses into me. I let out a small gasp as he stifles it with his tongue sinking deeper into my mouth. I tense up my body unused to the feeling, although I wasn’t sure how to persuade John that this wasn’t my first time.

“Relax,” his lips tickle my ear, “it’ll feel better if you relax. ”I lay there for a second unsure of what to do, unsure of how to stop my racing heart. John’s head reaches for the crook of my neck, his lips latch on to me like a leech, but his lips were so soft on my skin. 

Between my legs, I could feel the tip of him just barely parting me. The bed was already hot and sticky, I didn’t want to back down, but I didn’t know how to move forward. The feeling in my stomach grew and grew, I wanted him, all of him, but was I willing to pay the price that came with it.

I could feel the beginning of a hickey forming on my neck where John was sucking. My fingers ran through his hair, I could feel him slightly flinch hoping that I wouldn’t try to rip out his skull again. Gently I pull him up closer to me, our foreheads pressed against each other.

“John,” I breathe, I could feel his lips curl into a smile. “More.”

With a soft grunt, he thrust his hips slightly pushing his length into me. I inhaled quickly, it hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I pulled him in closer, just wanting to feel him. My fists tightened but I stopped myself from grabbing him tighter. For a second he paused and pulled out slightly.

“Do you wanna be on top?” he asked, his cheek pressed to mine. I hadn’t ever really thought about being on top before, I sure as hell knew I didn’t have the kind of attitude for it.

“Uh…” I didn’t know what to say, but before I could think he was out and flopping himself onto the bed. Reluctantly I crawled on top of him, my hands resting on his shoulders. He looked up at me, fire in his eyes, ready for me to show him what I’ve got. His chest and forehead were peppered with beads of sweat, his painted arms ran up my thighs and to my backside. After a moment of admiring him, I was glad I didn’t protest.

I lean down closer to him, his eyes softening as I drew near. A part of me wanted to say something but no words came to my lips. Only mine connecting with his cheek. The hairs of his beard felt odd on my lips, but I didn’t mind. Behind me I could feel the tip of him pulling towards me.

Lowering myself, John sets his hands on my waist aiming me dead on. It slipped in again, easier this time. John’s eyes closed as his head leaned back into the pillow further. I looked down where out bodies met, feeling him and watching him sink farther into me. Everything felt wet, even my palms as my hands rested on his chest.

Finally I slipped down all the way, feeling his sack at my entrance. My eyes slipped from his messy hair, to his shoulders, to his stomach all the way back to me. How could it be like this? He looked amazing, even better without his shirt, and me… Hell, I still looked like I did in high school. I looked down at my own chest at what my small body offered. I always hated my boobs, too small and just too far a part. Even now the way they hung there over him just looked depressing.

John’s eyes cracked open noticing that I hadn’t moved. “Hey,” his hand softly touched my face. I instinctively lean into his hand while my fingers wrap around his wrist, I just hoped that he couldn’t feel how cold my hands were. He sat up with himself still inside of me, I clutched his back burying my face into his shoulder.

We both were breathing heavily as he started to move under me. I positioned my legs on either side of him so I could move up and down easier. His grip tightened on me as he started to thrust more erratically. My face was hot I couldn’t think, my only instinct was to hold him. Without thinking I started to lightly bounce on my knees, bringing his length in and out with a wet sound filling the room.

“John,” my voice was shaky, all I got in response was a moan and harder movements. I could feel it swelling in my stomach, almost ready to burst. Suddenly John tipped us over, I fell with my back pressed to the mattress and he pressing up against me. His eyes were closed tight and his hand that wasn’t holding me in place pinned both of my hands above me. 

The tension rose to the breaking point. I cried out as it all released, shaking underneath him as he still kept pushing. He lifted me slightly freeing my arms, his hand pushed on my back. I was still catching my breath when he came. It was an odd sensation feeling him fill me up, but his moan was almost enough for me to go again.

He pulled out with a squelching sound as both of us were wet beyond any help. The sheets were soaked and the room smelled like sex. But still we said nothing as we both fell onto the bed, breathing heavily.

“Guess we showed them huh?” John laughed breathlessly as his chest rose and fell. I give him a quizzical look, not knowing who he was talking about.

“Y’know everyone who was telling us to fuck and get it over with,” he smiled. I couldn’t help but smile either as my head turned towards the ceiling. Nothing but the sound of our breathing filling the emptiness as darkness surrounded us.

________________________________________________________________

A bright light shone in my eyes as I awake in the morning to the sound of Nana sniffing in my face and wagging her tail. I was surprised she hadn’t gotten on the bed with me. I rolled over and quickly remembered why. John lay there hair falling over his face and his mouth wide open breathing into my face. His one arm reached out and his eyes seemed to squint, as if he was trying to find something in his dream. I move closer under the blanket feeling the warmth of his body, I couldn’t help myself but to wrap my arms around him, pressing my face to his chest. With a slight stir he woke wrapping his arms around me.

“Thank God it wasn’t a dream,” he said into my ear. 

“I know right, otherwise that would have been a really good dream,” I smile my voice sounded gravely as I fought back a yawn.

“What time is it,” John turned around to the clock, “Shit.” I sit up to look over him, it was 8:34. “I was gone all day yesterday, I didn’t even tell them where I was going.” John flung off the covers and grabbed his discarded clothes. As I watched him from my bed I almost wanted to ask him to stay for breakfast maybe even a shower.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he straightened out his clothes. After a quick look in the mirror he turned back to me. 

“I’ll see you later,” he smiled as he kissed me.

“Later?” I asked.

“Does tonight work?”

“Yes,” I was honestly surprised that he wanted to see me again, I didn’t think that my performance last night really paled in comparison to other one night stands.

“It’s a date then,” and just like that he ran out shutting the front door behind him. My face flushed red, I honestly couldn’t believe what I had done. Nana hopped onto the bed and sniffed around at Johns lasting scent. I lay back down, wondering how in the world I was going to tell Amy without blowing her mind.

[sirduck45]

Book 10

Hey this is just a chapter from a book I’m writing I hope you enjoy. I was also told that someone actually enjoyed reading something of mine???? Im gonna push through and finish the other half of that story for you, thank you for supporting me!!!

1 “Ok you need to tell me what’s going on right now,” Rebel demanded as she slammed the cellar door behind her.  

2 “What do you mean?” Fly said nonchalantly leaning up against a few crates full of booze.  

3 “You know damn well what I mean! You don’t drink, you said you had problems with these guys!  How do you even know them?” Rebel sputtered her fists clenched, she just hoped that the men in the bar wouldn’t hear her yelling.  

4 “Here,” Fly sighed and extended her arm which held out her almost empty glass. Rebel’s nose scrunched up in disgust, she wasn’t about to let the person who dragged her across the country for the past few months get her wasted when they were supposed to be in hiding. If Fly wouldn’t protect them then it was up to her.  

5 “Just smell it,” Fly groaned. Rebel stood for a second with her arms crossed, but soon gave in to her curiosity and stepped forward cautiously. With two short sniffs she couldn’t smell anything. One step forward, nothing. With another step forward and another deep breath she could almost taste it: lemons.  

6 “I told you I didn’t drink anymore,” Fly took a sip from her glass. “Something happened with these guys and I promised myself I’d never let it happen again. So, this was the solution.” Her gaze seemed to be fixed on something far away as the terrible memories replayed in her head. At times like these, her age showed through her young exterior. All the pain and suffering could be seen in her eyes as she recalled all the mistakes she made, all the people she left behind.  

7“What happened?” Rebel asked cautiously. Hoping her leader might divulge her in a bit about her past. Fly looked up at her breaking herself away from the daze that she caught herself in.  

8 Right, like Fly would tell her. But in Rebel's eyes, there was something else. An almost understanding, but how could she possibly understand what it was like to be her, to be a...  

9 Fly shook her head and looked away. This wasn’t happening. Introducing all the other girls to the guys who ran the bar was a trip enough down memory lane.  

10 Rebel took a small step forward, not wanting to let her leave without knowing what had happened to her. “Fly? You can tell me.”  

11 Could Fly even do this? Tell her about what she did? About him? All of it? Fly looked up into Rebel’s eyes, the same soft green eyes that she had, stared back at her. How could the two of them be so alike and so different at the same time?  

12 After a moment of pause Fly spoke, “It all started... back in World War II.” She hesitated for a moment, allowing all the bitter memories to come back. They bit at her like Hellhounds come to take her back to where she belonged. “It was just a regular mission; I was leading a small group to go take down a Nazi official.”  

13 “Well, I say leading but –uh- you know, they had these -uh -handlers, to- um... keep me in check.” She paused remembering what happened when she got home. Fly stood up a bit taller, now looking at the wall past Rebel. Her fists clenched remembering the crack of the whip, the blood, the scars. “They never really could trust something like me.”  

14 “But uh...” Fly smiled remembering the only reason why it was worth it all. The only memory that wouldn’t cause her this pain. Rebel captivated by this indulgence into Fly’s past leaned up against an adjacent crate.  

15 “There was this guy,” Fly explained slowly as she recreated his face in her memory. “He was a bit of an asshole at first but uh... we um...” She paused unsure of how to explain the feeling without sounding like an idiot.  

16 “You fell in love?” Rebel’s voice was quiet. Fly nodded not wanting to admit anything out loud.  

17 Rebel’s eyes softened as she looked upon her leader in a new light. Her fearless leader has never shown such insecurity before, and most likely never will again. After months and months of being dragged around this was the most that Fly had ever talked about herself.  

18 “We... had a few nights together, never really thinking about the future, which I guess was for the best,” Fly’s smile quickly faded. “Last day of the mission we were meeting at the rendezvous but there was an ambush and...” The blood was all over her hands again. The pounding of the gunshots in her ears. The screaming and crying. Unable to see his face as tears blurred even her memories.  

19 She took a ragged breath and continued, “I got back to the states and in all honesty, I was lost. One day I wandered out here and found these guys.” She chuckled at the memory, “They had made a bar based on me when I was a cowboy.” Rebel had figured that when she saw the theme of the bar, every old man up there was saying that everything on the walls was once hers. From the cowboy hat to the Harley in the garage.

20 “Things were great for a while, you know, taking our hogs for rides, they even gave me the nickname Lady. But after Nam we were all changed, the ones who were left anyways. I guess I was... drowning my mistakes seemed better than facing them you know?” There was a brief pause as Fly thought back to those dark days of blackout drunk men and her just sitting alone with a half-empty bottle.  

21 “... I don’t know why or how but we ended up having like a little fight club at the bar. Really it was just them getting drunk and trying to wrestle me as a bear or a gorilla or something.” Fly forced a small laugh as her free hand gripped the crate she was leaning up on.  

22 “But um... one night we all got wasted, like borderline blackout, and I got rough... really rough.”  

23 “How bad was it?” Rebels voice seemed loud as it echoed in the small dark cellar. A twinge of regret spread through her as she hated making Fly remember all this pain.  

24 “He ended up in the hospital,” Fly’s eyes glistened, but no tears fell. “When he got back nothing was the same. They all said it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t... I... I feel like I can’t control it sometimes. This monster inside of me... I just decided to leave. On my own, things would be better.” Fly sniffed as she rubbed her nose, she probably looked so pathetic. With a small cough to clear her throat, she composed herself and stood up straight.  

25 Rebel stood there ashamed. Ashamed for accusing her. Ashamed for not trusting her. Ashamed for blaming everything that went wrong with the ship on her. Rebel took a step forward, but Fly put up her hand.  

26 “I don’t need your sympathy,” Her head was still down, but her voice cracked. “I-I don’t need-” But before she could protest Rebels arms were wrapped around her. She tensed up and didn’t move, not used to close contact. But it felt ...nice.  

27 Slowly Rebel could feel a pair of arms gently embrace her. No words were spoken. Both girls had been broken by this world and the next. Their worlds had been taken from them. Friends killed before their eyes. It was at this moment Rebel realized how similar they were.  

28 Fly let go, her voice hoarse, “don’t tell anyone about this.” All of her respect from the others upstairs would be lost if anyone knew about this exchange. With a small smile Rebel nodded at her leader.  

29 The two girls moved towards the door, but Rebel had paused. An old picture that was lying on a crate had caught her eye. Black and white unsmiling faces stared back at her. Fly stood in the picture in front of a line of four men, looking the same as she did today.  

30 Fly picked up the picture and inspected every face. Jaqu, the French sniper who barely talked. Morgans the medic who would faint at the slightest mention of blood. Patell, Fly’s handler who was supposed to keep her in check throughout the missions. Then there was...  

31 “Is that him?” Rebel asked as Fly’s finger brushed against the picture. His laugh, and sarcastic comments, the way he would show off, it all came flooding back to her. She had been alive for nearly three hundred and fifty years. Memories of her parents, homeland, all the other people who have helped her on her journey had faded away with time. But not him, only three days she had known him, and yet she would never forget.  

32 Fly nodded as her fingers curled around the frame.  

33 “What was his name?”  

34 “Mark.”

[sirduck45]

The Fall- A Ghazal Poem

The leaves on the trees are falling

To compare myself to the leaves, I too am falling

Pumpkins start to grow, and cider is in the air

The leaves turn red and brown, falling

Piles of leaves out on the front lawn

I start to run and jump, falling

It’s been one year since it happened

Back then I knew I was falling

Now how do I tell the difference?

Between the leaves and me, who is falling

A year's difference can heal the wound

But did I ever stop myself from falling?

I look back then I was a different person

She was doomed to be forever falling

Now I know as I sit back and watch

The leaves as they change color and start falling

I, she, me, we, her, them, us

Two people one in the same, one is falling

A different person, a different dream

I’m the one who is rising, and she is falling

I stand on the edge looking to my future

I’d be lying if I said I was done falling

Picking myself up every time

Stand tall try not to tip, falling

A clear difference can be seen between us

I am rising and she was falling

As the leaves settle on the ground

I watch as more are breaking away, falling

[sirduck45]

Characters as Family Members

Fly- Angry Grandpa

Rebel- Mom TM, also the one who hangs out in the kitchen at gatherings

Wrench- Cousin who looks like the know-it-all kid from Polar Express

Christmas- The aunt whos hosting the event

Ghost- The cousin who goes and sits in the corner and talks to themselves

Bolt- Bad Aunt TM

Wings- (depending on mood) 1. The emo cousin who doesn’t want to be there 2. the baby who wants to be involved in everything 

[sirduck45]

The Night (some fanfiction I wrote)

(I don’t own the male character but I don’t really think it’ll matter since I don’t mention much about him. Also I chicken out halfway through sorry, I hope my mom won’t read this.)

The light of the day had gone quickly. Our day of playing games, dancing, and cooking had landed us on the couch watching Harry Potter. I’d say my mission of distracting John from whatever had been bothering him had been a success. He had a smile on his face the whole time even now while I made him watch this classic, which he could care less for.

The timer on the microwave beeped as the popcorn stopped popping. I peel my eyes away from the screen as Harry receives his wand. Quickly I pour the hot bag into a bowl and race back to the couch. In my absence, John had stretched himself out all over the love seat with his feet hanging off my side of the couch. 

“Move your feet,” I say poking his legs with my free hand. He smiles at me and reaches his arms out to motion for me to come closer. I swallow the lump in my throat, friends didn’t get that close. My living room was small so the couch was the only place to sit, no way to get around this one. “Yeah, I’ll take your stinky feet,” I joke. Like a roller coaster ride, I lift up his legs and sit down letting his legs be the safety bar.

“I won’t bite,” John said with a smirk his arms still outstretched. I shovel a fist full of popcorn in my mouth with my head facing towards the TV. Laying down with a friend would only lead to bad things, especially this friend. I look back at John his blue puppy dog eyes as big as saucers piercing into my soul. He pouted as he reached for me. He’s your friend.

“Fine,” I sigh, giving in to the temptation. I set the bowl down on the floor and I position myself in between him and the couch. My heart pounded, I loved being this close but it wouldn’t be appropriate to tell him. He’s just a friend, one who I was comforting as he had done for these few years. My friend Amy’s voice echoed in my head all those times she teased me about us being together. It wasn’t going to happen, but… God did it feel nice to have his arm around me.

Nana, my dog perked her head up at the sight of the bowl of popcorn hitting the floor. She stood up following the smell of the salty, buttery popcorn.

“Uh, let’s set that somewhere else,” I say getting up and over John. For a brief second our eyes locked. His blue eyes were telling me something but I was too afraid to figure out what it was. I hung over him for just a second longer before I snap out of it. With shaking hands, I set the bowl on the bar table behind me and lay back down. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, should they be at my side? On his chest? No that was too close. Without knowing my arm kept going up till it reached his bearded chin. 

John didn’t’ seem to notice his eyes were on the screen. I rest my head on his shoulder my heart beating out of my chest like a dam waiting to break. Just calm down. My hand absentmindedly rubs against his beard. The movie continues although I tried to pay attention I had no idea where we were, I only noticed John leaning into my touch. The weight of his head was soon in my hands and I could see him close his eyes just for a second to take in my touch. Everything seemed so peaceful at that moment.

My eyes ran down his figure admiring every detail up close. The moles on his forehead the detail of his earring, the way his lips begged to be kissed. I kept finding myself being pulled towards him like a magnet, but I resisted every time. I didn’t want to get too close. As his head was leaning into my palm I realized the crook of his neck was exposed. It was so close my lips could almost touch it. I allow myself to be pulled in as the tip of my nose caresses his neck. Just a little bit closer. My lips meet his skin as I breathe in through my nose I catch his scent of smoke and pine. I cover his neck in soft kisses while my hand leans his head away so I can get closer.

After a few minutes, he straightens up and turns to me. I wasn’t scared anymore. His eyes closed and his hand brushed against my cheek. His lips met mine as he twisted his body towards me. My hand went up his back to rest on the back of his head. I let out a small sigh and smile, but as soon as I do my eyes shoot wide open. What the hell am I doing?

Bolting straight up my one leg falls off the couch while the other squishes in between the couch cushions. I slap my hands to my face as I look down at John. “Oh my God I’m so sorry,” I apologize, “I shouldn’t ha-”

“No I’m sorry,” John interrupts me. I give him a questionable look?

“For what?”

“This,” he smiles and leans straight up to grab the back of my head to pull me back into another kiss. It was even better the second time. The way his body curved up to mine, his hand brushing through my hair. I let out a small moan as our faces push together. I could feel him moving under me trying to position himself better. I could feel him under me.

“No, no, no,” I jump off the couch pulling myself away from him. I buried my face in my hands. What was I doing? I peek at him through my fingers, as he got off the couch. Sure I wanted him, but there was a part of me that was telling me to run. I trusted him but I was scared of what would come next.

“Hey, what’s wrong,” he said coming closer to console me. I take a step back my chest pounding more than it had been.

“Nothing, uh it’s not you, I promise, it’s just, uh…” I trailed off I had no idea what I was saying or doing. I looked at him, his messy hair, his soft eyes. I just wanted him, nothing more. I wanted him to hold me, touch me, kiss me.

“Are you scared,” John said in a low voice his hand resting on my cheek. I grab his hand and looked deep into his eyes. I was still shaking, this was the worst part. My breathing quickened as he took another step forward. Why was I so scared to look into his eyes?

I nodded as his other hand cupped my face. He pulled me into his embrace his hand falling to my back. I hugged him tight out chests pressed against one another, just hoping he could hear and feel the beating of my heart.

“It’s ok,” John said into my ear, “I’ll be gentle.” I freeze in place as his lips latch onto my neck. My hand pushes his head closer instinctively, I wasn’t sure if I wanted this, but good God did it feel good. His arms reached under the back of my shirt as his hands explored my back.

“John,” I breathe as my arm wraps around him.

“Shh,” he pulls back as he licks his lips staring at mine. He goes for it, both my hands pull his head closer to mine. With a sudden jump, John pulls me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. I giggle slightly with his lips pressed upon mine. He walks us down the hall and into my bedroom. The door was shut and for a moment he slammed me against the door. My back against the door with him pushing on me, only made me want him more. 

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he smiles as he opens the door, quickly pulling me back into his embrace. He lets me go as I bounce onto the bed. His eyes seem to undress me as he admires all of my curves. John raises his hands to start unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait,” I say with a little too much urgency. He looks down at me wondering if I’ve decided to back out. I sit p and snake towards his body. John’s lips were slightly parted, I could tell he wanted me just as bad. “Let me,” I say my lips outlining his. My hands slip down his chest as I unbutton his shirt. The blue silk falls to the floor exposing his bare skin, both his fully tattooed arms wrap around me. They tug at my shirt and slowly he lifts it off me. Our lips collide once more as he pushes me down onto the bed. Both his arms steady himself above me as I grab his belt and pull it through the loops. He rests his weight on his legs as he carefully peels off my jeans.

I could hear his breath quicken as his eyes land on my thighs. He leaned down and lifted my waist towards him. He shifted my panties down and kissed just below the lines. A spark fired off in me, I just wanted him to move all over my body.

He rolled off the bed and ditched his pants. My eyes glance down at his erection pushing through his boxers. I climb over to him on all fours I climb up his chest and rest my arms around his neck. As we kiss I can feel him move and shake something off his legs. I crack my eye open slightly to see that he had taken off everything. My heart pounded I could already feel the gross sweaty feeling rising in my stomach.

Softly he pushes me down onto the bed. He looked me up and down as he was leaning in between my legs, wondering where to start. His lips start on my stomach as his hands slip off my panties. I grab the covers as I try to control my shivering. Instead of coming up further, his head moves down. My eyes widen as his tongue meets my skin. I grab his head to hold him down there.

This got way out of hand.(*at this point I realized I hated writing smut sorry*) 

I awake in the middle of the night, the moon shines in through the shades. I roll over expecting to hold John but greeted by a warm empty spot. My heart sinks. I guess I should have counted on him leaving. He had been with me all day and he had other things to do. In the living room, I can hear the TV still on. With a heavy heart, I grab my robe and drudge out to the living room. 

I pass the bathroom with the light on and just before I get to the living room I pause. The light was on. I look down to see a shadow moving underneath the door. He was still here. A smile breaks across my face as I turn back to the living room. 

My eyes hurt looking at the bright light, I quickly shut the TV off without stopping the movie which had started again by itself. I throw the remote onto the couch as a pair of arms wrap around me.

“Come back to bed?” his soft groggy voice pleaded. I smile as he sways and kisses the back of my neck.

“I’m coming,” I say as I turn around in his arms as we make our way back to bed.

Sorry for the long post but also, fuck it

[sirduck45]

I steal for the needy and I really need some fucking Poptarts.

Rebel, Book 4

[sirduck45]

Book 1 Chapter 1

It wasn't my fault, honestly. I didn't think that I'd be running for my life when I woke up this morning, but here I am bounding through the woods with people trying to kill me. Life seemed so simple up until this point. Just go to school, learn, go back home and do it all over again the next day. Forget what normal people will tell you, that school is boring. For me it used to bring a structure to my life and now school is the reason I'm running for my life.

I'm always bad at beginning. But this beginning seemed like it would spell my end.

The bell rang for lunch and students raced out the door to claim their spots at the lunch table. I sat at my seat in the MAN tech class putting away my folders as my friends waited for me.

"You guys go get a seat I'll catch up," I wave them off not realizing the doom I've just sent myself into. Mr. Stevens, our teacher for the class walked back into his office with the door open. I see out of the corner of my eye that he reach down and dialed a number on his desk phone.

A few papers slip out of my grasp and onto the floor which I promptly bend down and grab. But as I do I hear the muffled voice of my teacher.

"Yes the coast is clear... no ones here."

I freeze. I was bent behind the table he couldn't see my folder that was open or me crouched behind the tall table. My first thought was something scandalous but be continued to talk to the other person.

"When will it be ready?...Why do you...no it's not that. I'm just..." I peered out from behind the table to see his back was turned to the door. As quietly as I could I put my papers in my folder and looked over the top of the table readying myself to run.

"Yes, I know," he continued. I wasn't sure if I should stay, this was a private conversation but this was about the most exciting thing to happen to me. Mr. Stevens stayed quiet as the other person on the phone spoke to him. After a few seconds of silence I thought it would be best to leave. I slowly start to back up out of the class room keeping my eyes on him.

"I know White but don't you think it's a bad-"

I fall backwards tripping on a marker which sends my feet flying forward. Mr. Stevens stops and looks directly at me with a death stare. I was so dead.

"I gotta go." He hangs the phone up with a slam. My heart starts to pound as I scramble to my feet. "Hey!" He shouts as I grab my flimsy folder and race out the door. Without any warning I burst out of the class room and race for the bathrooms. The only luck I seemed to have all day was that the bathrooms were empty. Promptly I lock myself in the stall and let my racing heart slow.

What just happened? I have no idea. What's going to be ready? What is going on? No clue. But the name I caught just before I blew my cover was White. My principals name. Was he planning something? Maybe it was just like a surprise assembly or something. But I think back on the tone of his voice and it seemed much more sinister than that. As I collected my thoughts I heard two voices outside the bathroom.

"What happened?" the vice principal asked.

"Stevens blew the cover, a student knows about the plan," the voice of the principal said gravely.

"How much do they know?"

"No idea, but this needs to be on the down low, if word of this gets out..." Mr. Whites voice faded. "Say that again?" he must have been talking into a phone or something.

"What was it?"

"They know who it was," Mr. White said, "Macey Dykema."

[sirduck45]

“I wish more people would talk about things they love, just in casual conversation. Does anyone else notice that sparkle people have when they talk about that stuff? It’s so wonderful to watch and listen and be apart of that little bit of human magic”

Coral-vellichor