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Public shame

Just to check in

Man another dream...

Weird..

I dreamt I was in my grandmother house and with it was my ex and another girl and Je.

My ex and I started having sex on the front of the house where everyone who passed through the house could see us fucking.

I remember thinking this is one of those things where I'm going to regret but will do it anyway.

I think we stopped or it finished but we were done having sex and I was standing in front of him and I suddenly looked back and there was a guy in a white car and I'm pretty sure he filmed us. I started to panicked because I thought that he would most definitely upload that shit to social media...

That's the most I remember...

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I think something is coming

Ok

Literally 10 min ago I woke up from what it is hands down the weirdest dream ever, I mean I think dreams are usually weird, thats the norm, but this...for me it was wtf was that kinda weird. Thats why I'm writing this.

I usually arrive 1hour to 40min before 8am. I have to check entrance before that hour every work day, so I usually read something or sleep a couple of minutes, normally this is a super good way to start my work day. Anyways...

What happened before:

I arrived at my usual parking spot, set up my alarm with enough time to put very very basic make up on my face before going to the office. I decided I was going to sleep this time (in my car).

My dream:

In my dream I was at my car, same spot getting ready to sleep and then I started to drift but in a swirling motion in my mind, I rememberer thinking to myself "this time I won't resist so lets go" and then I definitely went.

Its not possible to remember every detail, but I remember thinking "this is a dream, I'm sure of it" then.. I remember I was in a chair it seems like it was the same chair I use everyday on the office. I remember that I was falling, I was in mid air and it was a very very long way to the ground feeling that feel you get when you are falling and you probably going to die, the ground was in reality a furious sea, I was scared but I thought to myself "I've gone through this before, so this time instead of focusing on what is coming (furious sea) I will focus on the sky, on what is above." I felt a momentary relief since it was a beautifull sky, but then even my sky turned very very scary. I usually like stormy weather but that sky was something else, it was fucking eery. All of the sudden I was in my car again feeling horribly dizzy but I was in a different parking spot, I was somewhere outside of the building where I work. I called Mr. Zero I told him that I needed help and it was urgent so he came to my car. He get in but all of a sudden all of my sisters were in the car and it was weird everyone was like excited about something and they were laughing really loud and making noise, it was annoying me because I wasn't feeling good but then one of my sister asked me "tell me what are you feeling?" I put my face close to the board of my car and I saw her touching a Play button she said it was for recording because its always weird with me. I started talking.

I dont remember much of what I talked other than feeling sickingly dizzy.

After that I remember that T(one of my other sister) was in the driver seat and this time J (male friend) was there and he was positioning in top of her and he started to kind of grind against her. I notice that T had shorter hair and it was orangy almost red, she looked young and carefree like she used to.

My alarm clock went off.. I woke up

I felt super sleepy and tired like I didn't sleep at all and dizzy very very dizzy. I put on my make up and went to the office.

Furious skies and raging sea.. There is something there.. I always dream about those scenarios. I wonder.. Why..

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So I liked a guy… The guy seemed to like me back, but just as quick and easy as it came it felt apart. He was lying? He was afraid? He was playing? He lost interest? I don’t really know. He just low key ghosted me… Only responds when I ask him something and he stop texting me first. Oh and said “I have been alone for so long that I’m okay like this” so yeah… :)

All I know is that it hurts a little, I guess even though I was trying to fight it back I got caught with illusions and expectations, but I’m glad!! in a way it means I’m alive, I’m not so dead, I can feel and most of all I’m feeling proud of myself because it means I’m trying and that I have capacity and hopes to love someone else and in the process learning to love me, because I think loving the people around me makes me feel powerful and proud of my self and this.. is huge… I haven’t felt good things for me in sooo long… Its good.. This little pain is good…

Even though he probably is a fuck boy he showed me in so little time that I still have possibilities and that my heart can in fact be moved.

So thanks fuckboy… Go in peace.. And I wish all that darkness and all that sadness and all that insecurity leaves you.. Because I know you have a lot to give.. You are a protector, a dragon, but you can’t act on it right now.. Not when you can’t control that massive energy and strenght. You need to find the balance and calmness to know that you might hurt with those big claws and teeth the very people you wish to protect. So I wish all the best to you and I give my thanks to the universe because of all the fuckboys that could have been in my way it was someone with an actual good heart like you. So thank you.

PD: I wish I could have kissed you that time. Hehe that probably would have been very bad for me and that could have made an entire different post…

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What if cats are actually aliens from another planet that have come here to test the physics on Earth by knocking things off of tables………

……but they liked it here so much they decided to stay?

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Enchanting Bookworm Inspired Digital Illustrations by Simini Blocker

NYC based illustrator Simini Blocker understands the enchanting world bookworms revel in. From Hogwarts to Neverland or King’s Landing, Blocker captures the spellbinding imaginative realms literature has introduced to us with vibrant colours, gorgeous brushstrokes and fitting quotes from our favourite authors. You can find her gorgeous illustrations on Society6 and Etsy.

View similar posts here!

Keep reading

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Bullets of nonsense

I downloaded tinder

I clicked ❤ on a guy I used to have a crush on and I got a match.

If my 15 year old self would have know this would have happen... Jajaja

I'm realising how fucked up my old relationship was and its making me sad.... Even though we have been broken up for about a year...

I suck at flirting and following up conversations

The guy asked me how my day was going and I realize damn... I was craving attention. Is it a bad thing? Am I bad? Do I have such low selfesteem? Can you fake confidence? Am I horny?

Im keeping up with going to the gym

Im feeling both so good and soo fucking bad...

I had to take rivotril... Again...

I thought my days of running to the bathroom office to cry my soul out were over...

I'm still here... He is still there...

Final Fantasy: Crisis Core still make me cry horribly

Why? Zack? T_T

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why do publishing houses not understand that people DO judge books by their covers

WE WANT COOL COVERS

I know the tide is changing and we’re seeing more and more quality covers but the book world needs to get their shit together on so many levels because there are so many things they could do to spike physical book sales

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Working out while bleeding

Gosh... Being a woman is sometimes hard.. I'm on my second week of working out and I'm on my period and wow the difference it's noticeable, today I was sluggish, suuper self conscious and weak most of all I felt weak!

I'm doing 30 min on eliptcal machine and then alternating one day arms and the next legs (weight lifting) I should keep this up until I finish my first 2 weeks and then I should move on to my weight loss routine. So far my favorite part its lifting weights it feels super awesome but today was difficult because not only I was on my period but my gym pant had a hole... In the middle of my butt!!! I thought about going home but I didn't, I worked out in my office pant cause it was actually kind of stretchy and it fitted me almost like a yoga pant so I went with it jajaja

Talk about no excuses.

Thanks Odin for tampons!

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New trend: Butt pics

I had received dick pics which until now I thought it was not cool but normal.. Yesterday I received a butt pic with a sight of balls (yeah pun intended)

First time for me to be honest. I almost die of laughing way too hard at this. Anyways.. Boys don't send your asses please...