skaterpodz-44

[skaterpodz-44]

Today I went to the park and ate with friends, life is worth living ❤️.

It really is the small things that we need to learn to appreciate, among all the big things we look forward to. There are many ways to live life, no two people's path are the same. Some may choose to put all meaning in the present, some, the future and others, both. There are even those that tie worth to their past. The last one isnt something I would recommend, you cant turn back time after all. But it doesnt matter which you choose or how you let this mindset affect your actions. The only condition for life is that it continues, that we're always moving forward. Lucky for us, time flows ceaselessly.

It doesnt matter that you dont have it all figured out. For as long as you're alive, you'll have a lifetime to figure it out. Isn't that nice? Were always learning and growing, we're allowed to start over and over again. I made a promise to myself, if I ever found I was falling out of love with life, I would quit my job, move to the countryside and simply be. My friend told me he thinks he doesnt owe the world anything, another told me she thinks maybe we have a right to be here, it's wonderful. And I may not owe anyone anything but still, I love and I care, I've decided I want to do more. I dream of helping people but I cant do that if Im not able to help myself.

Anyway, I just want to say tumblr is nice. I've always been really scared to post on social media but its so chill out here. P.S. everytime someone likes my post I instantly feel validated, its great.

Also, here is a wonderful song from Lucy Dacus (I love) that really encapsulates the feeling of learning to embrace life.

[skaterpodz-44]

Im afraid everyone I love will leave me. Sometimes Im afraid my parents dont love me, so I tell myself all I need are friends anyway. Then Im afraid my friends wont stay with me forever because they wont, we'll all grow into different people. I think I want to find a partner because then I dont have to be alone, someone will stay with me, be committed to me. Im reminded of how I cant commit romantically, I wonder why I yearn for romantic love. Im interested in intimacy, the vulnerability and risk, yet somehow choosing to trust each other anyway. Maybe its the fact that I want trust. And Im afraid I'll spend the rest of my life searching for that trust in late night bars and strangers because the only people Ive ever truly wanted it from cant give it to me. I dont trust my parents to know whats good for me anymore because theyve never known me, I have lied and lied. I dont trust my parents to still love me despite.

Sometimes I wish I did a more terrible job at pretending Im something Im not because then at least there will have been something real. If my family wont love me, who will? Who will witness my life? If I leave and never look back, will I regret it? My friends will settle down one day and have less time for me. I could stay busy and chase my career but the truth is I am so very lonely.

I am afraid I'll never mean as much to anyone. Just a friend. Just a coworker. Just a person.