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[slavicbarbi3]

[slavicbarbi3]

#momsofinstagram

I remember very vividly the day I was accused of being an “absent, uninvolved mother” by a stranger on the internet who lived 3000 miles away. This person was one of my followers. Their comment read “You say you are a mom but I never see any kids” I laughed it off because I know that my day revolves entirely around my children. My day starts at 0500 sharp. I rise before my youngest for an hour and some change to have peace before the chaos ensues. I get on my inversion swing, I hang upside down, I hydrate, I have a breakfast bar and drink my coffee. Like clockwork his little face appears from the steps with a tired “Good morning mommy” rubbing his sleepy eyes before he collapses in my lap, then asks for cereal or oatmeal. His older brother joins us shortly after and then its a race against time and a lot of repeating. “Boys please finish your food.” followed by, “boys please go get dressed” and finally, the infamous “boys get your shoes on” are the phrases that would make me Nickle rich if I was paid one each time I had to say it. In the age of social media our quality of parenting is judged by how often we post. I am more of a “live in the moment type” and I even often fail to take pictures when I travel or go on vacation. I lived in El Paso for 8 whole months and no one knew I had even left my home state. I have always been a private person by nature, as a result of growing up in an abusive foster home. I have chosen to forgo excessive posting of my kids on social media often for several reasons but the first is their own safety. Even with privacy settings I still don’t like the idea of companies (or anyone) being able to track my child's likes and dislikes by my posts. Algorithms are so advanced that the dinosaur on my kid's shirt in a Facebook post for his birthday triggered and amazon suggestion for more dino-themed clothing. That in itself was scary enough and made me realize my decision was correct. It amazes me that as human beings we have allowed a screen to decide our personal opinions and judgments of a person we have never met. Social media removes our need for humanity and we know that person won’t travel 3000 miles to come to check us like we would if we said something at the mall to someone back in the 90′s. While social media has helped my career greatly, I sometimes despise the aspect of it and long to go back to the days of mom and pop shops and human interaction.

[slavicbarbi3]

Thoughts on Success

I in no way consider myself a feminist. The word itself makes me cringe. I am a beautiful, fiscally conservative woman with a steady career, who has worked hard to be where I am. I never realized until I became a SUCCESFUL woman how many men and women are uncomfortable with my presence & sheer existence.

As a successful woman I have faced ridicule where my male counterparts receive praise. Upon commenting to someone how many hours a week I spent in the office or on-site with clients I was asked by a wide-eyed, (I am sure well-meaning) woman in her mid 50′s, “How much do you see your kids? Maybe you should change careers...that's a lot of time away from home...especially that young.” While my male counterparts are given the classic “Look at you, burning the candle at both ends for your family!”

I have also faced disbelief that I, a woman, could negotiate my first sale at a higher commission than the agency standard. I closed on a half a million-dollar property at 9 percent commission meaning I walked away with 6 percent and the agency, 3. For an entire month rumors spiraled I was sleeping with my clients, a rumor I may add, affected my personal life when a co-worker took to social media to state said rumors as fact. The screenshot of the post was sent to me by a friend &  co-worker. This was promptly put to rest when I addressed her at my cubicle in the center of the agency, my boss in earshot. I calmly, and professionally called her out about her lack of professionalism, and reminded her of the repercussions such behavior could have.

After that I received either apology, or people stayed away from me. (I liked those people better.) My boss apologized profusely and told me it would not happen again, that there would be training. I told him it wouldn’t be necessary, it wasn’t his fault, I thanked him for taking care of it on his end. I stated with a smile, that I was fine and was satisfied. No training necessary I just wanted to work. He seemed uncomfortable and thought maybe I meant something else. He felt he needed to cover himself, because in his mind. women never mean what they say. He mandated the training, to which I told him, I would not attend.

I later concluded she was angry because the listing from which I obtained the client was originally hers, she was sick so I was asked by my boss to show the property. The client and I built a great rapport, and after listening to his needs we determined my listing was a better option and price for him. He brought me two more clients, and I closed all three sales within my first 90 days at the agency. My client list kept growing from those initial three sales. The rumor milling co-worker was eventually let go after she threw a flute of champagne in my face at the company Christmas party, where I was recognized for being the highest seller in the office.

Even to women, my sheer existence, the “no-nonsense” way I carried myself, my success was a threat. Her husband had chatted me up at the party, nothing inappropriate just a simple exchange of congratulations and light conversations. which I can only postulate lead to the eventual rage behind the champagne flute incident.

He told me, many months later on a coffee date that was the night he had decided to divorce her. He filed the day after Christmas and it was served to her on Valentine's day. Ouch. He said at home, I had become a fixation of her lack of confidence. He had warned her that the rumors and posting would be a very bad idea. He said when he met me at the party he realized all the things she had said about me were completely false, and that he had dealt with this with her for years. She even once accused him of cheating on her with a woman in her office even though he had never stepped foot in it. The imaginary affair sparked the creation of a joint Facebook account. We went on several lovely dates and had a wonderful summer fling. in the end, I did not pursue something more serious. He was a bit bitter but accepted it and we remain friends. After the champagne flute incident, it took about 6 months for my boss to relax and realize I was, a woman of my word, and I was not going to do anything I didn’t want to do. My boss and I grew to have a great mentor-mentee relationship. When he saw I had a way with people, and was very good at selling, he took me under his wing (within a respectable distance so not to concern HR) and I became a broker within 16 months of my career.

Once I became a broker, I was able to have more control over my time, I spent more days working from home, enjoying my kids. I no longer needed my full-time nanny to drop them off and pick them up from school. She stayed on part-time while she attended college.

By age 30 I had made my first million dollars, had my own brokerage firm, and was “the boss”. Which wasn’t bad for a girl who only had a 2-year degree from a community college and was raising two kids on her own.

With both my kids now in school, I had decided it was time to go back to the dating world. I am a very efficient person. The questions I ask someone to determine whether or not I meet them. Several times I had experiences where guys had given me the “right answers’ but when I met them they were more interested in talking about my money, how much did I make? How much did my car cost? This was always a red flag and I often promptly ended the date there. I even once had a guy ask me if I fucked my boss to get my job. To which I responded “I wish that was possible! It would have saved me 250 hours that I could have spent with my kids!” followed by me asking the bartender to cash me out.

No matter where I turned it seemed I faced some sort of stereotype, gender norm, or judgment. I learned quickly I had to be careful who I entertained whether it be romantically, professionally, or platonically. The more my wealth flourished, the more I attracted leeches.

One night I came home, I popped my heels off and I poured myself a drink, my usual nightly routine. My nanny had just finished dinner, she asked me about my day. She told me about the boy's day. I remember her taking my glass, and she looked into my eyes. I am not sure if it was my tired state, but I had stared too long. She took my disheveled look like an open invitation to kiss me and proceeded to grind on me. It took me what felt like way too long to realize what was happening. I pushed her off and we awkwardly stood there for a moment both trying to collect our thoughts. She apologized, and said she thought she sensed something. I told her it was ok. She started panicking, asking if she would be fired, to which I said “no of course not! it's ok! I will see you tomorrow” She had admitted to me, via email, she was very attracted to me and wanted to be my sugar baby. To which I told her, I didn’t want to make our relationship unprofessional. I kept the email for “just in case” because one thing I learned early on in life before the military or anything else was “CYOA” (Cover your own a**!) She was a no call no show the next three days. I thought nothing of it and hired a new nanny. This time I hired a single mom of 2 in her mid 40′s, who came with great references and was much cheaper hourly than the au pair agency. She and her oldest daughter both clean for me every Wednesday and Saturday and I set her sister up with a job at the agency. She is a fantastic fit and has been with us for two years now.

A month after the kissing incident,I received a call from the agency stating the young lady was preparing to sue for damages and wrongful firing. A simple forwarding of the email resolved the case, and I received an apology from the agency. Her lawyer dropped her as a client. She had illegally recorded me in my own home and this was her only evidence. My full video on the nanny cam and the email were enough to clear me of any wrongdoing. About 6 months later I received a check from her lawyer for my time and legal fees. I am now 32, and I can honestly say while being successful has its benefits, I often miss when I was broke. I miss the lack of judgment I faced. I had different stress as a broke single mom than I do now. In fact, I think I have MORE stress now. When you become successful you must be hyper-aware at all times. The constant feeling of being on edge, who to trust, where to invest, and the constant ridicule can be tiring. The only difference between the new me and the old me is I can take a vacation to get away from it.