smhpunkacademic

[smhpunkacademic]

why is it the second i'm left alone i feel like i have nothing left to live for.

[smhpunkacademic]

you‘re a drug

and i need to withdraw.

~ your addicted juno

[smhpunkacademic]

im no priority, it hurts. but you don’t owe me.

[smhpunkacademic]

the distance feels like a death sentence. oh god, i just want you to put the effort in, i want you to show me that you want to fix us. i want you to be honest with me. this distance… i know that i put up those borders, that me talking about my problems and being honest has drove you away. but this distance is killing me. i just want to feel loved again.

but i have never though about you, huh? do you want to love me? or be loved by me? i do not think so. i won’t beg you for something you do not want to give. if loving me was so horrible, than i’m glad you got out. i’m glad you can be happy without me. and i’m glad that you don’t need me.

but still, i can’t get my head around that you won’t even try.

my friend once told me: if the devil can’t reach u, he will send you a person who won’t leave you, but doesn’t want to stay.

and i think that sums up, what kind of relationship we have.

please have the courage to leave me, and get over me, if you won’t put in the effort to help me.

~your suffocating Juno

[smhpunkacademic]

“I love you.”

No you don't.

[smhpunkacademic]

sorry, i got my crippling fear of abandonment and my intensive jealousy from my mom haha

[smhpunkacademic]

why can’t i freaking remember? i know that something happened, i know it, i fucking know it. but i can’t remember, my head hurts, my head feels wrong, my memories feel wrong.

[smhpunkacademic]

I hate bpd. I hate this. I hate me. Why am I like this? Why do I ruin every good thing I have going for me out of fear I’ll get hurt, I do it to myself. I hate that I overthink until my head explodes. I hate that I can’t love without crippling obsession. I hate that my happiness revolves around them no matter how hard I try to hide it. I feel so fucking awful for him to be my fp and lover. He must be so exhausted. I don’t blame him. I get tired of me to. But for some reason I don’t know when to shut up. Why can’t I just shut the fuck up for once and appreciate what I have? I have this incessant need to speak my mind when my mind is my biggest enemy. But I always fight for everything. I leave claw marks in everything I’ve ever loved. But thats why I say LOVED and not LOVE. Because I dig into them so deep that it cuts and they leave. WHAT THE FUCK. I know my man says he loves me and isn’t tired of me. But I feel something coming. Something bad. It’s in my gut, my bones, my blood. I’m terrified.

[smhpunkacademic]

the villainization in my head is gross. i don’t want to. i don’t want to hate you. i don’t want to live in fear about hearing your name. you never cared about me, my feelings, my life or anything at all.

you’re the villain, in my head. but also the base of all my fear and anxiety attacks. i just can’t. pls never talk to me again. pls never let me hear your name and please never tell anyone that we’re good or that you miss me. i didn’t leave, you pushed me away and hurt me in way i cannot comprehend.

please never talk to me again. please never think of me again. please never take my name into your mouth again.

~ not yours to talk about

[smhpunkacademic]

benzo withdrawal so bad im about to crash out so bad

[smhpunkacademic]

My mom took away my benzos because she thinks that they make me “look like a zombie.” And so now I’m dealing withdrawal symptoms.

[smhpunkacademic]

I'm not attention seeking, I'm in pain.

[smhpunkacademic]

Bpd culture is “WHY WONT YOU FUCKING ANSWER ME WHAT DID I DO WHAT DID I DO WHAT DID I DO IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME IM SORRY”

[smhpunkacademic]

It's barely the beginning of the year and I'm already failing

[smhpunkacademic]

Please talk to me

Please love me

Please overlook my flaws

Please offer me a glass of wine when I'm too stressed to think about anything

Please make me coffee when I fear you'll leave me

Please hug me when I cry

Please tell me you understand, even if you don't

Please be kind

Please be patient

Please don't let me go insane again

Please, please I beg you. Don't leave me

[smhpunkacademic]

I hope he loves me back

Hopefully it won't hurt him

[smhpunkacademic]

begging people to stay after an arguement because whenever my parents argued at least one of them would leave the house for days