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[smileswhilebroken]

who were you  before the storm hit your heart, broke all of your ribs, before your home  was taken away, and you were swept off your feet into the ocean-unforgiving?  i once saw you hold love, contain it within your hands like it was as weightless as a bird or those leaves off your favorite trees.  i saw you light a fire in all the people  who had that chance to meet you, lucky and peculiar that chance was for me.

a. h. // natural disaster (via st-chlorine)

[smileswhilebroken]

Have you ever felt so trapped in living that you forget how to live? The days pass you by and the monotony of life slowly buries you in a desert of sand and you are okay with it because you still remember the sandstorms and long for stability, but at what a cost I wonder? Bit by bit we forget the elation of the high peaks of heaven and the burning pain of the pits of hell, and I reflect, do I really want to forget? My soul just feels dry, buried in this endless desert sand, no other horizon in sight, just this and the sky, and it makes me long for wings, to be able to fly and make friends with the wind, to listen to the murmur of the clouds, to be part of the rain that forms and the thunder that roars. I just wish for so much more, but then reality settles in and I am reminded the sky is a chimera, my dream, the desert is the place I live in.

e.v.e. (Desert and sky)

[smileswhilebroken]

who were you  before the storm hit your heart, broke all of your ribs, before your home  was taken away, and you were swept off your feet into the ocean-unforgiving?  i once saw you hold love, contain it within your hands like it was as weightless as a bird or those leaves off your favorite trees.  i saw you light a fire in all the people  who had that chance to meet you, lucky and peculiar that chance was for me.

a. h. // natural disaster (via st-chlorine)

[smileswhilebroken]

1. Friends will leave, Friends you’ve had for years will become strangers, and people that you met in your english class first semester will become your best friends. Time means nothing, and friendships end for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest reason that you will find for losing friends is that you simply outgrow each other. sometimes people don’t fit in the same ways they used to and thats okay, sometimes you walk the same path to only end up on completely different ends. 2. Just because people do good things does not mean they are good people and just because people do bad things does not mean they are bad people. Don’t judge people based on good or bad deeds, people can be all kinds of surprising and first impressions are almost always wrong. 3. You will miss that boy all the damn time, even when you get over it, there will be days your just looking out the window and the color of the sky will remind you of the time you were laughing in his car singing along to old r&b songs. Its okay to miss him, its okay to be sad about it. Just don’t let it consume you and don’t ever ever ever tell him that you miss him. 4. If they don’t make plans with you, they do not want to hang out with you. People are never always busy. We make time for the things that we want. 5. Stop making excuses for him, stop making excuses for her, stop making excuses for everyone that does you wrong. Their actions do not deserve to be justified. If he is not here for you its because he doesn’t want to be. If an apology is lame, don’t accept it, and don’t make up one in your head. If she lies to you, cut her off. Stop making excuses for people, if someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them.  6. People are not all bad. when you get out of the mentality that “people suck”, you will start experiencing life. Talk to people, and don’t close yourself off to the world because one person broke your heart. There are so many kind people out there, put yourself out there and stop hating everything and everyone. People can be amazing if you believe they can be. 7.Its okay to not know how to breathe sometimes. Its okay to feel like everything is collapsing on top of you. No one is happy all the time, So many people feel the things you do and its okay. You will be okay, things have a funny way of falling apart just to be put back together again. Nothing is more amazing and more painful than the way your heart can break into a billion pieces and glue itself back together.

7 things I learned by the time I was 17  (via fadedheartbreq)

[smileswhilebroken]

I just want that feeling back. The feeling I got when my hazel eyes met up with yours. The way my stomach turned into a knot once your cold skin touched mine. I try to find it in him, but every time I look into his eyes, I just see you staring back at me. How? How do I get rid of it. I try to clear my mind, but the current of my thoughts compare to waves crashing at the sore; frantic. My heart try’s to force my head to love you like I loved him.

[smileswhilebroken]

What I would do for just one more. One more kiss on my forehead from your soft lips with that purple chapstick you love to use. One more of your bear hugs, were you lifted me off my feet and I felt your body tightly pressed against mine. One more text message, telling me how much you missed not only my body, but my voice, and how it made you feel safe. One more day with endless laughter were we can’t breathe from the both of us. One more day were I was so important to you, were you would do anything just to make me crack a smile. I miss not only you, I miss that insane fuzzy feeling my body felt, just when I heard your name.

[smileswhilebroken]

The ones who hurt others, are the ones who have once been hurt them selves The ones who are heartless, once cared too much The ones who are broken , were once so once so full of hope But look what the world did to them

[smileswhilebroken]

I’m constantly sitting here with my heart racing faster then the speed of light, crying rivers out of my eyes… and you’re out having the time of your life with people who I promise you won’t fucking remember when you are 30. I don’t understand. We could be a life time experience, but you don’t want that do you? I’m living for you, but you’re living for them.

[smileswhilebroken]

Our eyes lock so tightly, my body constantly struggles for air. I watch your every move carefully, and make sure I understand why. Why you do the things you do. As I look away, I feel your eyes against me, staring me down. I look over to see your brown hair covering your forehead perfectly. I move it out of the way, smiling softly. Our eyes have moved back, and stayed on each other’s for a while now. “What?” He says “You’re my everything”

[smileswhilebroken]

I watch you from the corner of my eye, trying to not let you see me while you run your hands through my hair. As my eyes become locked into yours, my mind races with all the thoughts you could be thinking of. I try to ask you what you are thinking about, but my voice is shaken and jagged, making it almost impossible to speak. As you slowly move your hand closer to mine, my hand twitches, scared that the feeling will make my heart hurt. But I ignore it, and your fingers collide into mine. Your touch almost feels like a breeze across the ocean, matching the color of your warm eyes. I wonder to myself while I lay back on my pillow in the comfort of your sweatshirt, if you know? Yes, you know my stories, my favorite color, my favorite movies, the things in life I value. But do you know all the aches and pains? All the times where I sat in my quiet room with the lights shut off, trying to kill myself? All the nights I use to stay up slitting my wrists and thighs until they burned with sorrow? All the god damn nights where I would run down the dark roads at 1am because I hated these walls I was surrounded in? The times where my parents would argue as if they've never loved each other as I sit in the corner with my hands over my eyes because I don't want to see? I'm an emotional roller coaster going up and down, and most can't stay. They run away from the things I use to run towards at full speed. So my question is, will you stay? Will you stay by my side if the dark life comes back again?

[smileswhilebroken]

depression isn’t a beautiful girl sitting in front of her mirror with tears running gracefully down her face, its screaming into your pillow because you just don’t know what to do anymore, its anger frustration irritation and hatred for your self and the world, its wanting to cry at the drop of your pencil. Anxiety is not a girl biting her nails and playing with her hair all cute at school. Its shaking, sweating and feeling like you can’t breathe. its screaming because you can’t feel your fingers and your head hurts from screaming too much. mental illness should never be seen as beautiful and romantic. its hell its breaking and hurting and its feeling helpless. so when i say i have depression and anxiety do not think its like the movies because i can promise you, if it was like the movies everyone would be considered depressed.

[smileswhilebroken]

If you think you’re doing something by not texting her back just know she’s texting someone with the conversation she could be having with you

Words-and-Feelings (via words-and-feelings)

[smileswhilebroken]

i remember your dark eyes looking into mine, blue and pure. i remember how your hands would graze my skin as if looking for something. i remember your voice soft and sweet telling me words id love to hear. i remember your laugh when we were talking at 2 am quiet so your parents wouldn’t hear. i remember catching you staring at me durning class and wed both smirk and look away then when i asked later you just smiled and ignored my question. now i can’t look into your eyes because the fire that burns in my heart would melt my bones not the same way it used to. anytime another guy touches me i flinch remembering your touch and how it ended up braking me. i never knew you could murder someone without touching them, until i saw you staring at her, like you used to stare at me.

[smileswhilebroken]

“Maybe we’re too similar– and like puzzle pieces, maybe we were never meant to fit each other. That’s the thing that ultimately tears me, a firm believer of fate and soulmates, apart. ”

-excerpts from a book I’ll never write #18