smollobsession - Tumblr blog

[smollobsession]

Posted 27.5.

Start of the month:

Met with P in Telč. The weather was terrible :D but I had good svičkova and a good talk with my friend! I also picked up some albums she's been wanting to get rid of, and I'll pass them on to my kids who want them! woo!

As I was on the bus to get there, I passed the "pretty bridge" again and I decided to finally find it and check out the view. I was right, it's amazing! I then went on to Chodov for some more cinnabuns :D

On Sunday I went to Hlavni, thought I'd play some pogo. Honestly not many good raids but I did one and I finished a few researches so ok. I had a YUMMY pancake with ice cream.

6.5. Considering doing this

7.5. I had the most productive morning wow. first of all, i slept i think 9h so wow to that! Made and filled pancakes for C's bday, packed them up nice with skz stickers :D caught up on met gala skz gossip :D made lunch (sandwich and smoothie) bought rice and made breakfast (i researched this morning and apparently potatoes are also bad for ibs. all starches except bland ass white rice are, so, white rice it is) did most of the dishes so it's not a whole mess.

i still have pancakes left over so that's tomorrow sorted :D

i'm following what's happening in Palestine and getting ready for this week's protest. :/

but in the process i was on fb again and found this bit of typical internet discourse

8.5.

:( onigiri class for adults is full. the lady hasn't contacted me about meeting. and yesterday i made pancakes for a new friend but it turned out we weren't able to meet and my class pissed me off so i just ate the pancakes.

i'll give it till the end of this week and then i'll contact the lady asking to maybe only speak online, if meeting is too hard.

talked to my dad about this new job idea and he's enthusiasic. his idea is that if i'm looking for a bridge job, i might as well look for one in the general area (family) of they company i'd like to work for. he said oil rigs have a similar system. they are called differently tho which makes my search even more complicated.

idk why, when i talk to others about this, it seems so possible, but when i'm in my own head, it seems like a silly dream.

meanwhile, pogo gave me 2 more useless 4 stars :D i mean yay i'm happy with my collection but truly every pokemon i use and want to be good is meh :D

the animation before i could catch the diancie was fun :) but the diancie also has trash stats lol.

hello sir mr vegas sir... afterglow you say? O.O

in completely opposite news, i guess i'm happy someone put this up, even if clearly someone was Very Upset it was up.

it's nice to know that despite it all, there are SOME czech people who care.

OMG SOMEONE IS USING THE ESIM I BOUGHT!

12.5. They used a bit more!

The lady I wanted to talk to about work has rejected me. I guess my next stop is reddit :D

I had Korean on Friday and it was excellent! I then went to the agency that someone recommended to talk about potential job offers in my city and they were like "uh you should send us an email" which YEP i knew it (i tried but it got spammed).

Yesterday sure was a day. It was my mom's 11 years dethiversary. I had a weird ass dream about her of course.

I made a very hopeful meal plan for the rest of the month... fingers crossed. then went shopping for it. I also went to balkan store to get sweets for my kids, but I'll have to do more today bcs they didn't have my faves. Went to Flora to do some of my Korean HW - I have too much lol - and had a cake for breakfast... not the healthiest of choices but I was starving by that point because I didn't have breakfast at home. Saw C and said hi :D Then had a phonecall with D.

I hoped to see Aurora Borealis last night so I went to sleep early. I just slept until midnight, went out to see if anything was there - saw the city was oddly lively at midnight - didn't see AB, went back to sleep. Got a solid 9-10h last night thanks to this :D

There's a protest today, I'm getting ready and I shaved my legs :D priorities! :D

wore a dress and open sandals, no regrets, it was perfect for the weather, especially with the hat and the mask.

on my way to the protest i was on a bus and a man reached over and gave me a flower. i was confused but my kids reminded me it's mother's day!

some of them are going to the rammstein concert so the chat is buzzing :D (in the city i also saw hockey fans so wow so much stuff happening here now)

it was a good protest overall, though i felt like there were maybe fewer people than last time. sadly when we arrived there was a small group of pro isr protesters waiting for us (with cops between us, no issue) and a lady had a massive panic attack, it was kinda scary. ambulance came and helped her and i think it all ended up ok.

I went to the other balkan market later and got a burek and the rest of the sweets i want to share.

then i went to flora again to finish my homework. and have one more cake hehe

rip my feetsies :D

meanwhile... two things i'm considering. a) swimming in the local pool once a week. idk yet i'm so scared to try but :/ i want to? b) tmi but there's a big sxtoy store near the balkan market and i'm considering a toy. we'll see. honestly i'm far more concerned about the swimming... being perceived half naked is uh :(

and on a totally different note, i asked on reddit about the job and yeah... i think it's not for me. sadly. ah well.

18.5. hm so far all my attempts to socialize have been destroyed, i wonder why :D telc was good but rainy and i ended up being 1h late. my local friend wasn't in for pancakes. last week i made plans for pub quiz and then i locked my card by typing in the wrong number 3 times as i was trying to withdraw ca$h for the quiz master. Sigh. Even the fun lesson i planned with that one class ended up being with only half of us!

Now I joned a pogo group for bounsweet community day... let's see if i manage ><

some other adventures have been happening tho! I managed to try corncob - why sweet? and i found a taiyaki place that i really like!

yesterday before korean (since i had to leave early to unblock my card......) i was bored and it was raining so i found myself in the small botanical garden which currently has a succulents exhibit.

I did buy a smol one :) and it inspired me to clean my plants too so i did some of that yesterday and today.

After Korean I ended up at the Nepalese Indian place and had a great lunch. Omg their food is so good sob.

In fandom news, Jeff is in Sweden. I'm fine.

And this vid of Khao by First just melted me. Sometimes when people take pictures or even draw people they love you can just see how they see them and it's wonderful.

And I made plans with P for next weekend! I'm exciteeed!

It's spring here and plants are pretty <3

21.5. I've exercised 3 days in a row so that's nice.

On Sunday i did go to the center to meet up with the pogo group i follow on discord. i managed to speak to absolutely no one and even the pic we took hasn't been posted so there's like 0 evidence i was there. well, i got some codes from the leader so that. sigh, i'm so bad at this.

i got my period and bled all over everything again, despite a tampon and a pad. so now i'm washing all my sheets and protectors. happy tuesday to me.

27.5. last Thursday I joined the Pub Quiz group and had a good time and wasn't totally useless. Just got another confirmation I should have more faith in myself.

Evaluations sent and I'm slowly wrapping up the school year. (Omg today I talked to S*'s mom and I was so awkward lorde why am I like thissss aaaa)

Ugh ANYWAY. This weekend P visited! We did some good (and some mid :D ) food tasting, went to a medieval fair and visited the castle!

When she left, I got on a tram and spent an hour just traveling and reading. I'm reading Natsume's book of friend's finally and I still love it as much as I did originally. Such an underrated manga.

Did my homework in a cafe and had some cake :) and then did my shopping for the week.

Wednesday will be my last Full Day at work. It's really hard saying bye to some of the kids. sG said today that he'll continue if I'm not the teacher. He will be really busy and he would have made time for me but now he's not sure. I almost wept yo. Teens.

PS. I tried a new form where I write more often and keep it in a draft. I like it... but I wonder if it'll post without errors hahaha

[smollobsession]

29.4.

I'm writing again! A bit :D slowly :D but yes!

I have started myjob search a bit more seriously and, well, i've discovered a whole new field i would like to get into. but after talking to my therapist and thinking about it a lot, i've decided to find a job now just to ease the stress, earn enough money to fix my fucking bathroom aaa and hopefully do a trip to australia/new zealand with E, which would include an skz concert. that would be... wild and amazing tbh.

But, ehm, back to jobs :D A lady who told me about this field I'm interested in is on fb and I asked her to meet up and she said she has anxiety and needs to think about it, so I'm waiting and hoping! It would be nice to make a new friend too!

For now, E and I have decided to do my previously abandoned Wales trip this summer in July. Hopefully this would also mean I get to meet with D and Sa in London!

Meanwhile, I started traveling around CZ a bit again, doing photoshoots with wolfie! :D

found this tree that i took a photo of for random non important reasons.

I went to another protest and my student's musical!

The musical was really funny and well made, I loved it, and I got to practice my czech :D

my collection keeps growing :D

I did now also add the first part of the novel for The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System which I'm going to wait to have all before I start reading.

fully obsessed with this man <3

I am boycotting skz's next single because of the Israel links sadly :( but I'm looking forward to the new album.

I met up with E and we had tea and lunch and made plans for her birthday which were - PANCAKES!

I made some big ones and they were yummy :D we had them with nutella, cherries and whipped cream.

idk if i mentioned this last time but i had cinnabon and omg it was so good. expensive but worth it.

meanwhile my bathroom keeps falling apart but this time i think i can fix it. i removed all the silicone from my tub and i'm going to put new on in. wish me luck

I love pogo's new look, and I know everyone's whining about the avatars but I love my fat girl too!

I started irl korean lessons and so far it's been great!

Sk is really into hockey and going to all the games. I can't justify the cost for real for real ... but my bank is offering a lottery so I applied. the saddest part is the contacted by phone bit :D i normally don't answer because... spammers ... but now i'll have to :D

I've been eating really well recently, except on the weekends, sigh. I MUST. RESIST. WEEKEND. BINGING. so hard.

But idk about this weekend because on Friday I'm going to Telč with P so :D who knows what'll happen there :D

[smollobsession]

25.3.

I'm 40. damn bro.

I finished Mark's book about not giving a fuck and it was really good.

there was a part about death that i found most intriguing, saying that if death is inevitable you might as well live until it comes. which is true and something i've been struggling with since my mom died.

Idk now if I said it in the last post but I also finished Dan's book and it was so helpful, I really wish I could force my teens to read it. (lovingly)

i'm now listening to "because internet" which is a fun linguistic study of internet language.

today i finally made crepes on the crepe maker E gave me ages ago. depression had a hold on me so i couldn't try it for ages but finally i'm there! i need to buy milk and mineral water for good pancakes but the experiment was a success!

in pogo news, I did groudon and kyogre raids and ... got nothing special :D but raiding was fun :D annoying tho that it's obvious you just can't have certain pokemon on certain levels. i played with my secondary, much lower account, and it just wouldn't let me catch groudon, even tho i won 3 raids for it. boo.

This weekend was Intense.

On friday i had my korean lesson and then met up with F for Zone of Interest. It was a great movie, I was immersed in it to the point that I kinda forgot it wasn't present. I also couldn't help but draw parallels to gaza but apparently I'm not allowed to talk about that.

Satuday was raid day and then Sunday I went to the protest. This time I got a flag and I made it all the way to the end of the protest! (minus the dancing, i went home for that :D ) it was ok despite my horrific anxiety making my back hurt and some details I didn't like (a guy spilled a bag of flour to prove some point but like... why are you spilling food while pointing out people are staving pls.) it was quite interesting how I spent most of the day today trying to see myself in pics and vids of the protest and only found ONE pic. soothes my anxiety a little, knowing i'm invisible :D

i've been following exercises from here and i've been increasing the number and length, i'm pleased! My flat is currently fairly clean and things are mostly in their place. yay mental health? and on the note of mental health i'm working on my fic again slowly too.

I did end up buying all the currently published Mo Dao Zu Shi comics :D which is 5 :D oh well! I'm also going to get a in person local Korean teacher. It'll cost a bit but it's fine I hope. Meanwhile I tested spotify and i don't like it. the organization is sadly a mess. the main feature i miss is the ability to see all songs by an artist. without that, their whole app is useless to me. I watched cooking crush and it's a really good show, I recommend it to all my friends now :D even tho the asian parent thing... it's not for me. i'm too chill toward my family even for my culture.

I got tickets for a musical in april, which i'll see with a student. (and another student is in the musical!)

had some good talks with my therapist, mainly about whether or not i care about being fat. i combined this with a chapter from mark's book, and it's quite simple i think. do i care? somewhat. certainly some mobility is not as it should be and i def want to fix that part. but a lot of my feelings about my own body are from outside. and he talks about how wanting to be something isn't the same as wanting to do the work for it, and that's basically it. would i like to be skinny? sure. am i willing to do the work for it? ... not? really? at least not now.

anyway exams are approaching, the end of this career is approaching. i'm chewing on that but so far i haven't reached anything specific. i need to write an email to the company i'm gonna ask for help, so this is my reminder to do that tomorrow :D

happy skz day :D my babies are 6! <3

[smollobsession]

26.2.

I'm back!

the trip was amazing, weather, food, places, my friends <3 fandom things :) i got some new pcs, spent time with other stays :) it was lovely!

On the plane I watched lego batman which was Fine and i tried barbie which was Not Fine. i will never understand internet people and their recommendations and praise.

my plants survived :D and we've been having nice weather here so some of them are even blooming :D

i had a very good therapy session in which my therapist asked me if i really cared about being fat personally and i said no and we talked about how hard it is to be motivated by what other people think. very valid. i need to build a whole new mindset around this.

i met up with a new stay friend, F, for tea and her grandma's jams! :D and I stopped by E's place (she was out) to leave souvenirs and buy good fruit at her shop.

Next weekend Ig wants to meet up. I feel like, despite myself, I've made friends here :D

I now also follow the girl I met at the shop on insta! I'll dub her Ch :) she's very young but an active stay! :)

Continued my Korean lessons and a reminder to me again that i need to either get a korean comic to read or start watching some content without subs to practice more, if i'm not gonna work on the book now.

Back home I watched buddy daddies which was fun :D

i got mo dao zu shi 5 because the store had it :D (i already have #2, idk if i wrote it last time).

I LOVE Jeff's new album so much i've been listening to it on repeat! I also wanted to buy it but

it's not meant to be yet :D

I played for palkia and dialga this weekend - no shinys on my main but ofc ONE game i played on my secondary i got a shiny ... sigh :D I'll trade for it some day i guess :D

In sgp i got new season's greetings from my friend. it's so much fun idek why :D I hope i actually do use the diary this time :D i always start but then don't continue >< and worst part is since i write in it for a bit i can't even give it away later :D

Lino covered one of the few day6 songs i know and love! i'm happy about that heh :D

I think... that's all :)

(oh, ps, today is the deadline for israel to report to icj... let's see how THAT goes.)

[smollobsession]

19.01.

ugh i have a cold. i was supposed to go shopping for some summer clothes for the sgp-cam trip but i shouldn't leave the house today if i want to be in any state for the protest tomorrow >< it's snowing ... but at least it's not -13 any more?

Speaking of Palestine, progress in my neighborhood at least:

wolfie and dwaekki are washed and drying.

I got Dan's book! It's really soothing, and educational. I feel like a lot of it is almost... intuitive? but intuition your anxiety makes you ignore :D so just seeing it written (and hearing it, i'm doing both :D ) is helpful. I also think this would be REALLY helpful to a lot of teens. I don't want to push it on anyone but I have lowkey recommended it to some of my students.

I really wanted to get the audiobook officially but it's not available in my country so.

Everything for trip is now booked, and cambodia visa acquired.

I'm sad that skz 4th gen fanclub doesn't have a digital only option, i'm not sure about how much money i can spend this time. but worried about what they'll lock behind the fanship. sigh.

jeff has a new song out, that i'm really enjoying, and the mv is dropping in uh... 2 hours :D

I've been watching a lot of svt gose, fun and chill :) so far my faves are the8 and seungkwan.

i got my present from P, and L got mine. I wish i could have decorated L's better sigh :( meanwhile, i love my present. so many cute things! (tho i lost the 3racha sticker because i put it in my pocket and it fell out :(((((((((((((((((((( ) but i got 4 AMAZING pins that i need to figure out where to put because if i lose them i will also lose my mind :D

L's present was the small wallet from the doctors without borders fundraiser.

[smollobsession]

1.1.24

Happy new year :)

I went to Dresden with E!

Truly the wettest day of my life sigh my jacket got rained through. But I ate so much good food - spaetzle and langos and more :D

While there I got a message that all my kids did well in their tests! I was really happy.

And! I didn't catch a cold! Look at that vitamin c working hard <3

On a random morning I also got up and took a walk to Letna which was lovely. Made a little ginger friend :D

And a few days in a row I went out for Christmas market but the one on NM already closed by the time I got there :D I caught some nice shots at Vaclav tho.

I spent a lot of this Christmas at home otherwise, watching BL and playing games. I started playing Alto's Adventure again and thanks to old Dan and Phil videos I got into slitherio again :D or whatever the new version of it is.

Alto.

Slitherio. I'm not great at it but today for about a min I was number 1 :D

I watched Dangerous Romance and LOVED it.

Middleman's Love and ended up kinda feeling for the main character even tho I started off disliking him.

(found this pic help)

I Can't Reach You - it was a nice solid Japanese BL. I still prefer when the characters are adults tho.

I watched both the episodes of skz code which kinda counts like BL :P

And of course I watched Dab and Evan get married on Dan and Phil Games :D

Spent much of the 31st watching skz content too :D 2 shows simultaneously while keeping up with the server omg :D

Thanks to the shows I'm going to check out 2 or 3 new groups. Cravity, Lucy and ... idk who else :D

Oh and! Yu Teng has a new song out! Soft <3

[smollobsession]

17.12.23

So a lot has happened... this will just be written as I remember things :D I've restarted online Korean lessons! The new teacher seems lovely. The goal now is to also open the grammar book soon :D

This weekend I've done a lot of clothes shopping. 2xjeans, bras, shirt, 4xleggins, 2xsweatpants... i spent so much money :( but i really ran out of clothes. shirts i have plenty of but trousers and dresses all went through a lot.

I also put away clothes I don't fit right now. I bought 2 more boxes at pepco and emptied my wardrobe of things I don't need, put them up in the loft. I also threw away 10 bulky bras that were taking up so much space and that I no longer wear.

Speaking of the loft, i finally took the sheets off the bed and washed them. ... now waiting patiently for step 2 :P putting them back on and wanting to sleep there.

And, speaking of clothes I don't fit. Weekends are a problem. I'm eating well during the week and then the weekend comes and I undo it all. I definitely need to plan on Friday and do the shopping so I stop eating sweets and ordering lunches that aren't good for me but uh >< the struggle is real.

I was supposed to meet Mr.I last weekend but I cancelled it because I felt sick and then this week he did the same so we pushed it to next year :D

I made plans with E to go to Dresden next weekend. Tickets purchased :) it'll be just a day trip but I haven't been there in the 8 years I've lived here!

Another place I hadn't visited before that everyone talks about is Stromovka. But a few weeks ago I finally went there :) The weather was horrible for the trip back but it was quite lovely for the actual walk. I took some pics I really like. I also slipped on the ice and fell down in front of a lady with a dog - the dog loved skating on that ice lol :D

I haven't been able to participate in any more protests because they overlap with my work hours, but I did manage to do two things.

I went to a Doctors Without Borders fundraiser for Gaza and bought 800czk worth of things. I got some pins and a little wallet that I sent to L as a part of our server's Xmas exchange. I forgot to put the MSF pin in the envelope but that's not a big problem for reasons I'll explain later. I am more sad that I didn't make the envelope more fun but I realized too late that if I didn't send it straight away, I wouldn't do it until a week later and that was toooo late.

I also paid for a 2gb esim that I hope will go through to someone in Palestine who needs it.

At the fundraiser I also bought a watermelon hairclip for my watermelon loving friend V. I will give it to her in February when... we go to Singapore and Cambodia together!

After some waiting all flight tickets have been purchased and all accommodation booked. The rest we have to do closer to the date - visas, sim cards, tour bookings etc.

I'm excited :D I'll see L there and bring her the pin - i find it funny because it's in English and Czech so I think it's be hilarious for her to wear it in Singapore. And I'll pick up the season's greetings I ordered through her <3 (which I have yet to pay for!)

We are, by total accident, landing on CNY so we're definitely going to Chinatown first night to experience THAT :D and then one day I'll revisit some parts with V, see some new things in the city too. And 2 days I plan to spend on the beach and doing the treetops walk finally! I'm kinda hoping D will be able to join us but it's unsure as of yet.

And then we're going to Cambodia which will be one big temples viewing trip and genocide museum sadness and food extravaganza. I'm wondering if I should invite E to this trip...

But! I'm trying to not be too excited so for now that's all I'll say about the trip :D

During the absolute worst of weather I finally went to that shop near Mirak to get A the bag. Luckily they still had the white one (sadly no black one for me :( ). On my way back I stopped by the Christmas Market and had an overpriced trdelnik and a nice raid with only 4 people that we won in the last second. It was fun!

I finally finished sense8 a few weeks ago. I have to say it was a bit more boring than I remember it but ok, I'm glad I finished it.

I also finished MDWAP :( I did find out that FINALLY The Unbelievable Truth hosted by David Mitchell is on a podcast so I'm listening to that now, and I've downloaded Dan Carlin's Hardcore Histories, all the free ones, for the next listening. I'm just glad I'm enjoying things again lol.

I watched some music shows - aaa and a gayo, idk which one :D - with the server and had a lot of fun. Han and Seungmin running back to the stage when 3racha FINALLY WON AN AWARD was so much fun :D

And of course, Dan and Phil are back and they are not only doing their Christmas videos but also giving me reasons to share squees with T on whatsapp :D

Feeling some kinda way about all these people right now O.O

[smollobsession]

It's been a weirdly rough weekend. i know i know my therapist would say i need the rest and i do but at the same time... my floor and my dishes and my bathroom and my laundry.... at least i watered the plants that needed it sigh.

i did also plan the meal for next week (it's gonna be chicken, veggies and potatoes).

on friday i went to get my blood drawn but they were closed for holiday (i figured they might be) but i didn't mind the early morning walk. but then i had to go out again to pick up new headphones I ordered. honestly they are great so far (i love sony). they are wireless and i'm only sorry I didn't check to see if they do have a wired option - they don't :/ that's a bit of a pain but ok.

saturday i mostly chilled with the discord people and enjoyed skz content. then i got into a feud with some stays on twt. annoying weirdos.

today i watched skz last performance for this promo and just now saw the tablo surprise in the new mv :D hehe, awesome :D a friend recced epic high music so i'm checking out shoebox the album now. it's not bad!

I was out raiding to finish the timed challenge and got this babe!

honestly my shiny collection is impressive if i do say so myself :D

top cp shinys:

the zekrom and rayquaza i think have pretty good stats too. the rest are typical.

every time i look at them now i think about the palestinian kid who i met this summer who was impressed by my shiny collection and complained to me that he lost the login for his old account and lost all his good catches. he was so impressed because i was an adult playing :) he asked me if i called it israel or palestine and was so happy when i said palestine. i hope he's safe. and the little girl who hated learning english and just wanted to chill with me and speak arabic at me as we used sign language to understand each other :) i hope they are both safe. i wish all the children there were safe.

i haven't been able to do much except boycott since all the protests now are during my work hours.

in more local new i had a burger today and there was a staple in it. so that's ... great. :/

skz megaverse mv reminded me of sense8 so much, i'm gonna rewatch it next week and then finish it (I never saw the last season). I'm getting hyped about that.

2 kids room is coming next week too and the tablo collab probably 23rd. fandom things are exciting.

the song "spoiler" on this album is amazing wow.

i walked past the dishes again. >< ah some day... some day... i'll clean this flat. sigh.

update: it took me an hour but i finished the dishes.

i've been listening to so much MDWAP i'm honestly not sure what i'll do when i'm done with this relisten. i'm on s5 already. maybe i'll go back and continue listening to WTNV.

[smollobsession]

Got into a debate about Isr-Pal with S. She doesn't get why anyone would care. I can't process this tbh. It is what it is, people are a constant disappointment.

My boss offered me a raise to stay but we both knew it was about more than that so I'm really thankful but had to say no.

I bought new headphones, sony, always so comfy. I hope they last longer than the previous ones!

Dan and Phil are thriving, I love the new content :D

SKZ album is out and I love it <3 There's also a lot of content there and I'm pretty sure I'm not following it all :D

I'm reading a looot of fic :D

My cold is thriving :P but i'm fighting ><

And I'm 2 raids away from passing the timed research!

tadaaa :D that's all for now :D

[smollobsession]

Talking to a friend and realized that time is something that can be so personal :D for me, a year is september - september, because of my work. for my dad, a year is two years, because he usually does one month on one month off when working, so he doesn't properly count the time he works. i'm sure other people have different definitions of their time. it's pretty cool. :)

my ptsd is struggling a little with what's happening in palestine but i think i'm managing to keep a good balance of doing what i can and staying healthy. times like this tho, i truly understand why i have that deadpool tattoo. the rage inside me burns. but i'm so powerless. and both countries i'm associated with voted not to help palestine which ... where is your heart. oh that's right, in your wallet.

i've been cleaning... a good amount. my therapist asked if that's my measure of how well i'm doing and yes :D the floors are still dirty, but i feel like they'll get their turn soon! :D

i put the plants down from the loft, so now all that's left there is to remove the linens and was them. and then maybe... i'll sleep in my bed again? ................. idk that seems like a november me problem.

this month will be the first month i get a full salary since june, and yeah putting it like that i can see the problem ><

fandom-wise it's been uneventful, my mind has mostly been elsewhere, tho i have been reading.

mostly right now i'm waiting for things.

friday i have an appointment with the hygienist :/ i hope she doesn't call me out on my bs, i just can't deal with it now. i'm also hoping to be paid by then so i can continue my korean lessons. still online, everything i saw locally has been too expensive. but i do need to start writing in korean again too.

the thing is, there is yet again 30 things i want to do but i don't know how much i should overwhelm myself. and a part of me is still not quite there yet. it's such a weird place to be in, mentally.

oh and clocks have changed :( boo

also this friday: skz flix is coming! and then the week after the new album! excited about both :)

[smollobsession]

The pills are being somewhat helpful. I'm quite pleased about it. I think breaking the habits is the harder part ahead of me. The habits of eating. The habits of being alone. The collections of thoughts. But hopefully it'll become manageable.

Work has been a bit weird, some teachers in school have been rude and demanding about classrooms so our boss is going to have to talk to the school. Heck of a sendoff this year.

I watched My Personal Weatherman and it was WONDERFUL.

I also watched a Chinese het drama my friend recommended about a girl falling for a manga villain and I loved it too. The title is clumsy tho so I'm not writing it :D

C is in Prague with her sister and we met up to exchange some goodies. I have get the Singapore concert Keychain and she gave me the perfume I wanted! I'm so excited, I love it :D

I participated in Timburr community day and finally caught 2 shadow Moltres', horrible stats tho.

Haven't watched skz code this week, I think I'll wait until this Thursday. I have the first hour off so I'll be able to watch it when it drops!

I did however read a 400k Pete/Vegas fic that I quite liked!

Jeff Satur's new song is AMAZING

and so is his face

In other random news, I saw Sid give a statement about how he's not pleased about nhl removing rainbow day and I'm happy about that. He overall continues to be a good egg. I'm happy to have his jersey.

And just before I started this post Dan and Phil suddenly appeared and requested our presence :D I'm curious about it :D

In real life news, I actually cooked well last week, I made rice with frutti di mare!

i am however still being a bad friend to almost everyone. sigh. idk if i'll ever have enough energy for people :(

[smollobsession]

my slow improvement in doing things continues.

the biggest step so far continues to be that i'm sleeping normal amounts of hours. i average on 8h a night and that's perfect. some days i go up to 10, some days i go to sleep late and still only get 6, but it's not 4 any more so wow yay woo.

i'm making simple lunches for work, but they are healthy and i AM making them :D

i realized that while it's true that i rarely crave sweets now, i still have a strong habit of thinking i need them, buying them, and if they are in front of me i will eat compulsively. but once i put them in the cupboard i forget they exist and i'm fine. (i did quite enjoy the peruvian sweets :D )

I met up with E a few times this week and she gave me a bunch of things. Most notably, a shirt! it fits me and the colors are wild :D i'm not sure what i'd wear down with it, but my wardrobe needs a bit of a refresher ... some time when i get paid and have money to burn i guess grr.

She gave me this herbal supplement that people seem to love by AG but I read once (and double checked now) and it's really hard to make sure that all the 6789098765 ingredients in the supplement don't mess with the ssri. so i think i'll give it back. i'm also gonna ask her to check if her sleeping problems didn't return once she started taking it.

she made banana bread with spelt flour and gave it to me today, it is DELICIOUS!

and finally, she gave me a bunch of perfume testers, one of them was for givenchy's l'interdit and i LOVE it so much i'm actually planning to buy it. again, money, what is it. C might be able to get it for me cheaper, and she also has a small version of it at home that she'll get me! :D having friends is nice.

i kinda want to find a dnd group or go watch hockey again... but all that would do better to wait for my next job, with a hope in more normal work hours.

I did treat myself by NOT buying the skz tour dvd because I was like... I literally don't have a dvd player what is the endgame here. i would much prefer for them to announce a tour here and spend money on multiple concerts.

work is causing a bit of anxiety as always. i had to have some discussions about not being racist in class pls, some insecurities about the upcoming exam etc. also i've already started working on the evaluations because it's so repetitive and boring for some students. what's the point.

i'm lowkey getting inspired to write again, so that lxc/jc fic might get another chapter soon :D it's been... 3 years now? :D if only i didn't keep changing previous chapters so i could at least post is as wip. but no, it only lives in my head :P

i am NOT keeping up with the raids needed to finish that timed challenge in pogo, i should probably do some stupid 1* raids even if i hate them, just to up the numbers. but i really want to do more shadow raids at the weekend. last sunday i went to the center but damn for once it was empty.

yesterday channie came online again and of course i was working but i snuck in 10 min of him during the break. it was so good to see him. and just as i was on the break, lino came to bbl :D <3 my minchan always :)

my korean is going well but i really really need to get a teacher again. i'm eating through duo too quickly :D

[smollobsession]

hm, is it the pills starting to work or is it winter coming? idk but i DID things today!

First, I slept until 7. This hasn't happened.... in years. I tend to wake up at 4 or 5 regardless of when I go to sleep. If i go to sleep at 2am I'll still be up at 5. But since I started taking anti-ds I've started SLEEPING. and so last night I slept a solid 8-9h. WOW! (amaze)

I did my Korean (still only on dlingo but at this point it's mostly for financial reasons, I'll reapply for real classes in Oct/Nov... might even try local again) and contacted E about going to Li*l together. She, however, slept till noon :D so that didn't happen, but I went there alone and got a bunch of veggies.

I watched Old Fashion Cupcake the other day and I got inspired again to prepare simple but tasty dishes instead of constantly ordering and today I finally managed that. I bought ... i think it's spelt spaghetti. They were good!

Then I went to the center and raided. I got 2 shadow Zapdos and a Gardevoir but IVs for all 3 are ... not great. One of the Zapdos' was a shiny tho so that's neat EVEN THO YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL NIANTIC FIGHT ME WTH.

Then I went to Albert, DM and butcher's at Fl*** and bought the rest of the stuff I needed. After a massive internal debate I did decide to buy a new smol pan! Got that at my local shop. It's exactly big enough for one bowl.

And then I Cooked For Myself. Like an adult! It's been ages.

Also this morning while I was making my shopping list I decided to buy a healthier flour to try and make my own buns (I used to make bread all the time but ... depression took it away...). I wasn't able to find anything special but spelt flour seems ok, I've had spelt foods before and they were yummy, and supposedly you can substitute it for wheat flour 1:1 so that's good because I'll be experimenting wildly.

Later in the day dad called me and we talked for quite a while.

Now D is texting me but honestly I'm done for the day :D tomorrow is a new day - laundry and baking day I guess :D

OH!

I just saw FortPeat have a new project coming up omg I'm so excited!

And I forgot! The dancer whose videos I've been watching, ChengLin, had a live stream and someone recorded ... I think a part of it, and posted it on youtube! Kinda awesome :D

3racha are performing in NY today and I hope all goes well <3

[smollobsession]

these days i feel like a fall asleep and it's a week later.

a part of me doesn't mind, i'm reading so much fic and GOOD fic to boot.

but it means that things happen and time passes and i absorb nothing.

so what happened?

well, i got that 3rd period yesterday, woo.

my therapist approved my anti dep meds and i'll be seeing my doc about them tomorrow! exciting.

doctors said they wouldn't do minor surgery on D's mom because she's not in life threatening danger ... even though she is, it's just not imminent? typical doctor bullshit for our country. why help anyone when you can just collect the hospital bed fees and send them home or better yet force them to find you in your private business where they have to pay you more. sick bastards.

i had one of my 6s fixed, next one is in about 8 days, and today my surgeon checked the implants and they are fine. apparently the bone on one has shrunk a bit but that's normal. otherwise both teeth are still standing and my gums are not inflamed.

yay?

I got an email from the online post box saying i have to pay something. my good sir you FORCED us to do this now we have to pay for it? ello??

and my boss emailed me being very helpful but also reminding me I have a job and am not a millionaire living my best life. ah well.

N contacted me because she needs something so that's.... not new.

i tried studying korean at a cafe twice but i got too sleepy too soon. i think this shit weather isn't helping. 2 more days... let's go...

L reminded me today that Kyogre and Groudon are in raids today and tomorrow so around 6 I'm going to the center to raid with people. I hope there'll be groups big enough despite the heat.

I'm really into Kartana ngl I'm gonna get more as soon as they are available again. And Terrakion.

Next weekend 3 bl dramas are ending I'm so excited O..O

My skiz were amazing in la <3

and i think that's all that matters for now :D

[smollobsession]

I feel like all I can really focus on is monday and the upcoming therapy. i don't know what i'm expecting but despite trying to not get my hopes up i feel it burning inside me, like i'm gonna take the pills and suddenly i'll be fine.

there are so many things that can go wrong, from pills causing larger issues to them just not helping and depression not being what's wrong with me at all. maybe this is just who i am.

i went out yesterday and the day before to study korean at the cafes. yesterday idk exactly what happened but i sweated just sitting there.

i want boba tea today.

also i discovered some really good kim/chay fic so that's keeping me alive through the heatwave. 5 more days apparently.

[smollobsession]

33C fuck off pls

Finished the show yesterday, it was fun but I think LITA and Between Us remain my favorites.

I also talked to D yesterday evening and told her about my UK misadventure. Sigh. I'm so happy I didn't stay.

Today was, indeed 33c. Normally I wouldn't care but it was my dentist-doctor day. Which means I got up at 7 to go to the dentist - we talked about how I need a new crown (or 3 :( ) - and then when I was done I had a few hours to kill before the doctor at noon. I was at Karlin walking around catching pokemon and spending money on useless stationery help. AT NOON. Bah. Forecast for the next week looks tragic tbh.

I told the doc about wanting to talk to my therapist about depression meds so... I'm doing that on monday confidently.

On my 3 days long metro ride to the dentist and back, I did do like 10 lessons of duolingo (how did this still not put me to the top of the league wtf? but there are 2 really weird grammar points I need to figure out. I'm gonna go to starbucks tomorrow to hide from the heat and get to the bottom of this.

And I raided for a brand new pokemon so that was neat.

Meanwhile my skittles are getting ready for their dome concert <3 i'm so happy for them. and they look hot af in the new trailer.

[smollobsession]

Canada gifts

E is back from Canada and I'm all caught up on farm info and weather reports. Always surprised about how similar weather is in Canada and the part of Slovenia my family is. The climate is very similar and they also had similar weather problems last month.

I got presents! Some props for my plantar fasciitis, maple syrup ofc :D maple cookies! AND half of lobster claw, fresh from the beach! with an air plant :)

I heard from D yesterday. Her mom is in the hospital. It's something that shouldn't be too dangerous but it became so because she waited too long. I hope it goes well this week.

Meanwhile I started watching A Boss and a Babe yesterday and it's mostly cute. I don't like the time skips. I'm on ep 8 and i feel there's gonna be some drama and frankly I would have preferred them developing the relationship more slowly and visibly to them rushing the relationship for the sake of drama.

Also a review I read said their main complaint about this show was the unprofessional behavior at work and all I can is YES lol :D but idc i'm here for the romance not the office setting :D

I have to water the plants when the sun goes down today.

And I haven't done any cleaning at home today so that's on the list :D

I also need to find a new Korean teacher. Agh! I hate it but, Fridays are the only day I can do.