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Alex has a concern.

***

“This is so stupid,” Michael said for the hundredth time.

And for the hundredth time, Alex ignored him. His husband sat in the passenger seat, his laptop open in front of him, too many tabs open for Michael to keep track of, though he knew one was the decrypted archive site Alex had gotten access to through one particular ex-boyfriend.

The thought of Forrest Long talking to Alex again made Michael’s knuckles white where he gripped the steering wheel. This whole plan was so unbelievably stupid, and he’d spent the past two days telling Alex just that to little avail. Every time he’d argued how little he trusted Long to keep quiet about their search for more turquoise, every doubt he’d made clear about Long’s ability to find what they needed anyway, every word he’d said against everything from Long’s character to his hair styling choices, Alex said the same thing then that he said now—

“We need Forrest, Michael, and I trust him. That’ll have to be good enough.”

We need Forrest.

I trust him.

Michael wanted to set something on fire. Even Max and Isobel couldn’t get behind him on this; Max apologetic, but insistent that Forrest was useful, and Isobel dismissive of Michael’s “ridiculous jealousy.” They were both traitors, and Isobel was just plain wrong. Michael wasn’t jealous, he was fairly concerned about how seeing Forrest would affect his husband, he was worried about Alex’s feelings here. Sure, Alex scoffed and chuckled at Michael’s concerns, and sure, he may seem to be good friends with Forrest now, but that was just a pretense he was putting on for Michael’s sake. Michael was sure.

Deep down, he knew Alex was suffering at the idea of seeing Forrest again, that he was forcing himself to be okay with this plan because it was what Michael and his siblings needed, and Alex cared first and foremost about Michael’s wants and needs. No one else’s. So, really, Michael wasn’t jealous at all, he was just protective. He couldn’t stand the idea of Alex forcing himself to do what he obviously didn’t want to do just for Michael’s sake.

When he said so to Alex, his husband slowly turned to look at him, as though unable to tell if Michael was joking or not.

“And anyway,” Michael went on quickly to spare Alex the embarrassment of confessing, and not at all because he suspected he was about to be laughed at, “we were doing fine without Long’s work. Your satellites and radars are more than enough, Alex.”

“Your faith in my abilities is very sweet,” Alex smirked, “but even I can’t do everything, Michael. We need access to the archives and somebody familiar with its organization system, or we’ll be looking through files for the next ten years.”

“You’re smart,” Michael defended, trying not to sound petulant and failing. “You could figure it out. You don’t need to force yourself to be around Long.”

Alex smiled like Michael was adorable. “Thanks, baby,” he cooed. “You’re always looking out for me.”

Michael straightened, hope rising. “So we can cancel this meeting?”

Alex laughed and took Michael’s hand, hope dwindling. “You know I married you, right? It’s not like I’m going to see Forrest and suddenly elope with him.”

“Why would you say that?” Michael demanded, whipping around to him. “Why is that even a sentence? Was it on your mind or something?”

Sighing, Alex leaned over and pecked his lips. “Eyes on the road,” he said, turning Michael’s face forward before pressing more kisses to his cheek.

Michael grunted. “This won’t work.”

“Hm?” Alex kissed all along his jaw. “What won’t?”

He swallowed with some difficulty. “D-Distracting me . . . i-it won’t work.”

Alex hummed against his Adam’s apple, and Michael tensed, his grip burning against the steering wheel. When Alex ran his tongue over his throat, he jolted and nearly swerved them off the street. Michael cursed and quickly righted the truck as Alex pulled back, trying and failing to contain his laughter.

“You’re such a dick,” Michael growled.

“Oh,” he blinked innocently, “I thought I couldn’t distract you?”

“Listen, you bitch—”

Alex’s laughter burst out then, and Michael shook his head, tongue in his cheek despite his own smile fighting its way free. Alex typed some things on his laptop, closed it, and set it aside before he moved across the bench and cuddled up to Michael’s side, his head on Michael’s shoulder. Michael’s arm fell over him; he didn’t have a choice, when his husband cuddled up to him, he had to hold him, no matter how much he wanted to stay annoyed.

When Alex spoke next, however, his voice was softer than Michael had expected. “Guerin?”

He glanced down at him. “Hm?”

Alex didn’t answer for a moment, turning his face into the open flannel on Michael’s chest and nuzzling his chest hair, sliding a hand up his shirt to rest on the hairy trail down his belly, settling there in that way he usually did when he just needed to feel Michael’s skin against his.

Michael glanced at him again, his jealousy falling to the back of his mind almost in an instant at Alex’s clear need to anchor himself. Had he been like this all day? Michael struggled to remember; he’d been seeing red since Forrest’s name was mentioned. His frown deepened at the idea that he’d been so distracted by his jealousy that he’d missed whatever was bothering his husband.

He ran a hand through Alex’s hair and kissed his brow, and tried again. “Yeah, beautiful?”

Alex’s lips quirked up in a half-smile, clearly aware of Michael was doing, and he kissed Michael’s chest, rubbing small circles with his thumb over the place where his lips had touched. The touch shot a spark through Michael’s body. He had spent years thinking he would never have this, a relationship with the man that felt like home in a way nothing else did. Every touch, every glance, every kiss brought him a comfort and warmth that was so intrinsically Alex that Michael wondered how he’d ever managed to live his days before him.

He subtly tightened his arm around him. It didn’t seem fair that he could feel comfortable saying anything in front of Alex, yet there were things Alex still feared saying in front of him. Michael knew he’d caused that damage himself, he’d created that doubt, and he would never stop punishing himself for it, but he’d be damned if he let Alex go another second afraid of him.

He slipped his hand down Alex’s spine, and then back up to cup his nape. “Want me to stop the truck?”

He’d mostly expected Alex to scoff at the offer, but instead he turned his face into Michael’s neck and whispered, “Could you?”

Michael didn’t even respond. With one hand, he pulled the truck onto the side of the road and parked. Forrest Long could wait all week, for all he cared. He cupped Alex’s face with his now free hand, his thumb brushing his cheek, waiting for as long as it took.

Alex’s breathing was slow and deep, the warm air fanning across Michael’s neck and collarbone, and he resisted the shivers that wanted to course throughout his entire body. Alex needed his focus now, not his lust.

However, once again, Alex seemed to hear his thoughts and chuckled, rubbing Michael’s stomach under his shirt. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m too close, aren’t I?”

Michael frowned and squeezed him tighter. “You’re never close enough, Private.”

That seemed to be the right answer because Alex snuggled deeper against him, the tips of his fingers digging into Michael’s stomach.

“Stop loving me,” he grumbled. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah?” Michael rested his chin on the top of his head, starting to smirk. “How do you figure that?”

After a small pause, Alex confessed in a whisper, “Because I’m nervous about seeing him again.”

Michael’s hand paused only briefly on Alex’s back. He didn’t recognize the calm in his voice when he asked, “Do you still have feelings for him?”

He wasn’t panicked about the answer. Much as it bothered him to see Alex and Forrest near each other, it was the reminder of his own neglect that got to him more than any fear that Alex would leave him for his ex. Even if Alex did still feel something for Long, it hardly made a difference because it could never compare to cosmic.

Did it also help that Michael already had him as his husband and wouldn’t let him go? Sure. Did the idea of Alex still having feelings for Forrest make him want to kill someone anyway? Also, sure.

As though he could hear his unspoken threat, Alex huffed a chuckle and snuggled closer. “I’ll always trust him, and . . . I don’t know, I’m grateful to him for what he did for me.” Michael managed not to falter this time in rubbing Alex’s back at the reminder of how he’d failed to be there for Alex when he’d really needed him. “But that crush is gone. It’s hard to still think of someone that way when you already have the one person you’re made for.”

Michael smiled against his hair, the unease in his chest finally settling. “Good answer, handsome.” He felt Alex’s smile against his chest, and nuzzled his crown. “Why are you nervous then?”

Alex hesitated, then he whispered, “I’m nervous because I’m so grateful.” He shook his head. “I broke his heart, Michael. He did so much for me and I broke his heart.” He pushed his face into Michael’s chest and his fingers dug into Michael’s stomach. “And he smiles every time he sees me like he’s happy for me, for us . . . he always knew what you were to me, but still . . . every time I see him, I can’t help but feel like I betrayed him.”

He sighed and pushed his face hard into Michael’s chest. “And now I’m betraying you, aren’t I?”

“No, no, baby,” he whispered, and kissed his brow. “You’re not betraying me. You’re just so good sometimes that I kind of hate it.”

Alex looked up with a pinched brow, and Michael kissed the furrow there, too. “I hate that caring this much hurts you and that there’s nothing I can say to get you to stop caring. Mostly, I hate that my favorite part of you means that you’re always suffering in ways that I can’t protect you from.” His lips quirked. “The truth is, I wouldn’t take away your beautiful heart even if I could.”

He sighed, chin rested on Michael’s shoulder and looking down at Michael’s lips. “You ever think you give me way too much credit?”

“You ever think you don’t give yourself credit enough?” he countered, but as always, Alex’s wit was the only one a match for his own.

“Did you just tell me that?”

“Joke’s on you, there’s nothing good about me.”

“You’re my whole world,” Alex defended without missing a beat, eyes narrowed, “and anyone who says otherwise will die at my hand. So who am I killing?”

Michael grinned, taking Alex’s face in his hands, and smacking his lips in a loud kiss, making Alex scrunch his nose adorably. “Just my resolve to stay angry at Long. I couldn’t blame him for being miserable at losing you.”

Alex’s face fell, and he started to sit up. “Miserable, huh?”

Michael wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him back in, kissing his nose. “Anyone in their right mind would be at not being able to touch you whenever they wanted.” His expression darkened. “Not that anyone else would ever get the chance again.”

After a long minute in which Michael sat silently agonizing, still unrecovered from the memory of Alex’s time being single and having to watch him be approached by a bunch of losers with no chance, he exhaled slowly. Alex’s amusement had returned at Michael’s obvious anguish, but soon enough, he recovered and said, “If he’s anything like me though, seeing you smile will make all the hurt worth it.”

Alex’s expression softened to something uncertain, and Michael slid a hand into his hair, gripping the strands tight.

“Even when I saw other men smiling at you—like they had any sort of chance, the delusional bastards,” he added, because he couldn’t help himself, “and I wanted to burn ‘em all down . . . the only thing holding me back was seeing you happy.” He cupped his jaw. “Knowing you were at peace was all that gave me comfort, Alex.”

Alex swallowed thickly. “I wasn’t happy,” he croaked. “I was never happy. All I wanted was you, how could I have ever been happy without you?”

Michael’s smile widened. His hand fell down the small of Alex’s back to where his body curved into his own. Michael would never stop being in awe at how flexible his husband was, how good he smelled, how beautiful he was—and he was all his.

“But you’re happy now?” he asked, already knowing the answer and wanting to hear it anyway.

“More than I ever imagined I’d be,” he said at once, and Michael pressed their foreheads together on a long sigh.

“Then you know Long sees that, and you know that’s what matters most to him. Because if he really did love you, and . . . I know he did, because how could he not, then your smile is all he cares about.”

Alex shut his eyes and shook his head. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” he whispered. “You’ll make me think I’m more important than I actually am.”

“Oh baby,” Michael sighed, hating the self-doubt in Alex’s voice and hating worse knowing why it was there. Nevertheless, he never got tired of reminding his husband of the one truth he’d always known, no matter how much he’d fought it in their miserable time apart. “It doesn’t get more important than you, Manes.”

***

I really need them ❤️