snackpoweredturbogremlin-blog

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Gabriel Reyes: Whitest Mexican Ever?

Seriously. Have you listened to Blackwatch Reyes's voice acting in the PvE event? He sounds whiter than Crispin Freeman in the Ghost in the Shell dub. #notmyreaper

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Gency Thoughts

Mercy clearly wears the pants in her and Genji's relationship. Mainly because Genji refuses to wear pants.

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Yo, check out this little Gency fanfic I wrote for Valentine’s Day! 

Kept it short and safe-for-work.

Lemme know what y’all think!

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What the Overwatch heroes would turn into if they were Transformers

OFFENSE HEROES

Genji: Mazda RX-7 FD

McCree: Chevy Silverado Mega-Extendo-Cab V8 Diesel Texas Edition

Pharah: F-22 Raptor

Reaper: Alfa Romeo 4C

Soldier 76: Ford Mustang

Sombra: smart fortwo

Tracer: AV-8B Harrier

DEFENSE HEROES

Bastion: The Death Star

Hanzo: Mazda RX-7 FC

Junkrat: A rusted-over 1989 Holden Commodore with two missing wheels and no seats.

Mei: A snowplow.

Torbjörn: Volvo C30

Widowmaker: Renault Clio

TANK HEROES

D.Va: A Kia Soul painted a suitably garish shade of pink.

Reinhardt: Panzer VIII Maus

Roadhog: Kenworth T1000

Winston: A Saturn V rocket.

Zarya: T14 Main Battle Tank

SUPPORT HEROES

Ana: Buick Lesabre (Typical grandma car!)

Lúcio: A Cadillac Escalade with a set of massive subwoofers.

Mercy: An ambulance.

Symmetra: Tesla Model S

Zenyatta: One of those-three wheeled rickshaw thingies.

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Zenyatta: Blizzard's missed opportunity.

Okay, guys, hear me out. Zenyatta's pretty cool. But I know how he could be cooler. Three words: Total. Frat. Dude. For starters, he's 20, so that'd put him in his sophomore or junior year in college, and you can tell just at a glance that this Omnic's alpha as FUCK. Like, seriously, look at that cold, hard-ass expression he has. Is that really the face of a monk? No. No it is not. That's the face of a person (er, Omnic) who can down five shots in as many seconds. The parties he'd pull together would be so legendary that not even the police would want to break them up. He's got, like, those extra tranquility arms too, so he'd probably slay at beer pong. But as a support character, he'd always be there for you like the bro he is. His dudeliness would be on a different plane of existence. Almost transcendental, if you would. I'm just saying, guys. Fratyatta should be a thing. C'mon, Blizz. Pull your shit together.

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Symmetra's Devi skin 😍😍😍

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Name: Hana Song

Blood Type: Mountain Dew Code Red™

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Valentine's day skins I'd like to see

- A legendary Hanzo skin called "Cupid." (Cherub wings and diaper are optional.) - A rare/epic Reinhardt skin called "Sweethardt." (Bright pink with hearts, like the generic cartoon villain boxer shorts pattern.) - A new D.Va skin. (Seriously, she didn't get one for Halloween or Christmas. Show my gremlin girl some love, Blizzard!) It would be like her normal mech, only more pink and obnoxious. A garish Valentine's day pattern wouldn't hurt either.

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Why each Overwatch hero would make a terrible roommate

GENJI: Leaves his shuriken on the table, on the floor, and pretty much anywhere else you could step on them.

MCCREE: Plays the same twelve Hank Williams songs on an unending loop. If you don’t kill the country music first, it will kill you.

PHARAH: Honestly, she’s probably the only decent one to live with out of the bunch. (I’m not biased, I swear!)

REAPER: The sounds of Reyes sobbing like the thirteen-year old emo kid he is on the inside will keep you up all night.

SOLDIER 76: His alarm clock will go off at 4:00 in the morning. EVERY morning.

SOMBRA: Insists on having absolutely no natural light in the apartment at all. How she remains so tan is a mystery.

TRACER: An absolute slob. Leaves half-eaten crisps packets everywhere. Will also pop in and out of reality at inconvenient times.

BASTION: It’s a literal war machine with crippling PTSD. Any loud noises could set him off, and his stupid bird will shit on everything you love.

HANZO: More emotional weeping throughout the night. If he’s not sobbing over his brother, he’s calling out for Jesse in his sleep.

JUNKRAT: He will turn the living room into an actual minefield. Watch your step. He also never bathes, and has no respect for your privacy.

MEI: Insists on having the thermostat turned down to its lowest setting at all times. Will leave jackets and coats on the floor rather than hanging them up properly.

TORBJÖRN: Treats his turret like a living creature. He even has a cat bed for the damn thing. Will only listen to Swedish death metal (without headphones!) while he’s tinkering.

WIDOWMAKER: Will scare the shit out of you, as she moves without making noise. Sometimes you’ll wake up in the middle of the night to see her crouched in the corner, just staring at you with those creepy-ass goggles of hers.

D.VA: If Tracer’s a slob, D.Va is an absolute fucking nightmare. Some nights you will come home to find the floor completely covered in half-eaten bags of Doritos and empty cans of Mountain Dew that this fucking gremlin has left in her wake. She streams all throughout the night, and has no concept of lowering her voice to a respectable tone.

REINHARDT: Will constantly act like some sort of weird grandfatherly figure towards you. He also tracks mud all over the floor.

ROADHOG: What’s yours is his. NOTHING in the fridge is safe. No matter where you hide your snacks, he will find them.

WINSTON: Leaves banana peels all over the place where it’s easy to trip on them. Sometimes it seems like he’s doing it on purpose.

ZARYA: Will replace anything remotely tasty with godless protein snacks and jars of pre-workout. Also leaves her sweaty gym clothes out in the living room.

ANA: Actually, she doesn’t seem that bad to live with, either. Maybe being an Amari makes you easier to be around for long periods of time.

LÚCIO: Plays his tunes all throughout the night. He can’t stop. He won’t stop. Please, make him stop.

MERCY: She’ll criticize everything about your “unhealthy lifestyle,” from diet to sleeping routine. Uses Genji as a role model for everything, even when it doesn’t make any sense.

SYMMETRA: This gal takes OCD to a whole new level. Nothing can be out of place, and not even a speck of dust can be visible. Bossy as hell, too.

ZENYATTA: Burns all sorts of weird incense and never does his chores. Is possibly harboring some form of crippling drug addiction.