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this what i look like when i post on here:

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TW: abortion

i found out i’m 4 weeks pregnant this week. i’m getting a termination on monday. im so heartbroken and devastated. i’ll probably end up in the psych ward for awhile, i feel like im ripping away a part of me but it would be selfish and irresponsible if i had the baby while im currently unstable. i didn’t think it was going to hurt this much. i was always prepared for this situation, i was always so sure that’s exactly what i wanted. but now i can’t stop thinking about my baby, my baby. i’m exhausted.

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my best friends are all going through a tough time emotionally but they need me to be their rock so i’ve been pushing all of my insanity away but in moments like these where im all alone with my thoughts, i feel like im going to explode.

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well :/

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okay so boom! i relapsed! yay! this is exactly what i wanted! 😁

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my idea of fun is getting black out drunk on wine and SH :D

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i just want the confidence again to end it.

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i’ve been drinking a lot lately. like i’ll be tipsy/drunk during the entire day. the people around me are concerned but idc. i need something to make life worth living. whenever i go into a depressive episode i just drink it away. nervous? drink.. gonna go to walmart? drunk. i go to work and guess what? i’m drunk. i don’t even care about my liver. i just want to drown everything out. it’s all too much to handle. so tired, i might go to the hospital just so i can stay there for awhile. i told myself if i end up hospitalized again, im not gonna put in effort to get out. nothing feels worth living unless im drunk. i fucking hate myself.

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who else up feeling empty 🤩?

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— Traci Brimhall, Dear Eros

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tis the season

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lmfaooo ima have to take this back! his bitch ass changed his mind! i should fuck him up!

so on thanksgiving i reached out to my ex and apologized for how terrible i was during our relationship. he asked if i wanted to have dinner and i said yes. we enjoyed dinner and had a conversation about us trying to start a relationship again, but move slower. but now im scared hes gonna change his mind because hes been in a bad place mentally/emotionally. it feels like history is repeating itself and that we just swapped places. i dunno, im nervous but hopefully but scared but excited!

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so on thanksgiving i reached out to my ex and apologized for how terrible i was during our relationship. he asked if i wanted to have dinner and i said yes. we enjoyed dinner and had a conversation about us trying to start a relationship again, but move slower. but now im scared hes gonna change his mind because hes been in a bad place mentally/emotionally. it feels like history is repeating itself and that we just swapped places. i dunno, im nervous but hopefully but scared but excited!

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