snowbebbie - Tumblr blog

[snowbebbie]

gosh im exhausted

[snowbebbie]

18 April 2024

Food:

- Chips & Avocado + Brie

- Tea w/ One packet of sugar + milk

- 1 Ribena Pastille

- Rice Porridge (Veggies + Lean Pork)

- Mangum Mini Cookie Ice Cream Bar

- Astons (Lemon Lime Chicken, Mac & Cheese & Potato Salad)

- Chateraise Vanilla Wafer Ice Cream

Exercise:

None :((

Journal:

so much food >:[ i regret the first ice cream with my soul it was so unessesary. breakie was so hugh in fats too. the tea is good. some special english rose tea i got some london and it tasye like candy :>

i edited up like 7 more reels for the soda channel (and scheduled them on yt and tiktok) and finished up the animation reel for my art account. discord called my friend as well and watched him play a game. went to my grandparents after that.

had a call with my cca, got assigned a bunch of work. lowkey kinda excited to see how itll turn out.

[snowbebbie]

17 April 2024

Food:

- Hot Milk Tea from Dalkomm Coffee

- Wingstop (6 Pieces) Kecap Manis + BBQ

- A few pieces of coin tofu

Exercise:

- 3.81km jog

- 15 x 3 Hammer Curl to Shoulder Press (4kg)

- Bicep Curl 10 x 3 (4kg)

- 12 x 3 Lateral Raises (3kg)

- 10 x 3 Hammer Curl to Shoulder Press (5kg)

- 12 x 2 & 15 x 1 Weighted Lunges (6kg)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Squats (8kg)

- 12 x 3 Kettlebell Deadlifts (24kg)

- 50 + 10 + 20 sec Dead Hang

- 50 x 4 Crunches

- 6 x 3 Shit Form Hammer Curls (4kg)

- 5 x 2 Deadlifts (30kg)

Journal:

Earliest i've woken up and left the house. People st the gym are starting to recognise me and another uncle talked to me today. A decently cute guy smiled at me at the water cooler. I noticed i got glances when i stood near his friend group when doing deadlifts.

can't tell if its cause they think i look cute or if they think im doing the exercise wrong and i don't think i want to know.

crunches is such a awkward ugly excerise to do in public tbh. also my neck still hurts from it. i shouldn't even be using my neck LMAO

after gym i went to my favourite cafe and did some work :> 2 shorts done, in progress one more short and an animation. got wingstop after and took it home. for dinner, i had that, and some homecooked pieces of coin tofu. not the healthiest but PROTEIN.

got in bed and fell asleep after.

[snowbebbie]

ngl lifting today was the first time i saw my veins pop out prominently its so cool

[snowbebbie]

WINGSTOP DEVOURED RAHHHH

ngl i thought 6 pieces wouldn't be enough cause i rmbed the ones in london and it was kinda small but im so full wtf thank god i didn't get sides (mushroom fritters are so fire though but those only come in large)

[snowbebbie]

MY GENDER is also girls who roll up their short sleeve shirts chefs kiss

[snowbebbie]

16 April 2024

Food:

- Small Iced Milo (Didn't finish)

- Split: Japanese beef, Egg, Rice, Mala Fish and Vegetables (This was so weird)

- 2 Ribena Pastilles (14 calories?!)

Exercise:

3.88km jog

- 15 x 3 Hammer Curl to Shoulder Press (4kg)

- Bicep Curl 10 x 3 (4kg)

- 12 x 3 Lateral Raises (3kg)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Lunges (5kg)

- 10 each leg Single Leg Bench Squats (3kg)

- 10 x 3 Hammer Curls (3kg)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Squats (7kg)

- 10 x 3 Kettlebell Deadlifts (24kg)

- 10 Deadlifts (30kg)

- 20 Sit Ups

- 50 x 4 Crunches

- 40 + 20 sec Dead Hang

Journal:

Tempted fate and did a weigh in. I'm now 54.5kg which is a drop but my body tends to fluctuate between 51 to 56kg on its own. 5kg is a lot but it doesn't really show in my body for some reason. but hey, a W is a W. also plus the fact i have more muscle now!! probably means i lost more. i don't know if im delusional but i feel like i can see a difference in my arms and legs.

I seem to be doing better in the gym, i think i can push it to 4km. jogging speed of 7.5ish, sprint speed of 12ish and walk speed of 4.5ish. my first hand hang couldn've been longer, but i thought i felt something tear in my arm so i dropped LMAO

old man talked to me when i was trying to pick up heavy weight. i saw him looking at me after. eugh.

but anyways i finally made it to the other side of the gym!! i deadlifted (rep) 30kg!

after the gym, i went to chill at burger king and got myself a ice milo. i drew a bit and went home.

at home, i showered and laid on the bed a bit, fell asleep, and ate dinner at like 9pm LMAOOO

dinner was so weird. it was kinda spicy and hot and not very tasty. never again. i had a bit of that then some normal japanese beef rice and egg. i didn't finish the rice on both to equal out the fact i had rice from both containers.

wanted something sweet after that and almost grabbed a lemon biscuit thing but thats 110 calories and i know dinner was probs a bunch so i put it down. (i hate spending calories on stuff i don't like eating) had two ribena pastilles instead.

[snowbebbie]

15 April 2024

Food:

- Cup of Honey Nut Cheerios

- Some brie

- Like 7 packs of rice crackers

- 2 cups of lemonade

- Chinese Hor Fun

- 5 Ferro Roches???

- A bit of Fried Chinese Noodles + small piece of tofu and a mushroom

Exercise:

None :(

Journal:

Another shitty eating day :/ i really can't stay home. I'm writing this the day after so i can't remember much but ye. sucks to suck sometimes.

[snowbebbie]

not my ex saying okie to giving me back the hoodie but he hasn't and idk how he's planning on doing do he just said "okie" honestly if he had a brain i think he would just leave it at my door or text me to come pick it up but he didn't so idk

i hope he's not planning to give it to me at grad cause thats a few weeks more and i dont really wanna be seen with him

(he got groomer allegations on him)

[snowbebbie]

*giggles* I CAN REP DEADLIFT 30KG

i think i can push 35kg but some uncle came up to me and told me to just do what i can do in chinese 🤨🤨🤨

[snowbebbie]

STOP SPEAKING TO ME IN CHINESE LMAOOO

[snowbebbie]

rant?!?!

ngl i know this looks like a ed account but i feel like im not super struggling with that right now (god bless) IDK THOUGH like my brain is occupied by other things (my ex) so it's not hard for me to go the day without eating. but tbh im eating almost the same amount in my ed days (only meals with family) and working out a lot more. so technically its worse? i cannot tell.

i do overeat sometimes but there's no binging so ill take it. ill take overeating over a god damn binge anyday.

i like working out cause its fun and learning how to better do routines and hitting personal bests is serotonin inducing. also it feels the most like me.

growing up i was the tomboy who wanted to keep the chairs when the teacher said "can i have some strong guys to help me with this?" so it feels right for me to be lifting weights and stuff.

plus my body type allows for muscle growth more than being skinny. i come from a family of athletes so i think its in my genetics.

and i actually dont mind not being skinny?? it bothers me at times but i kinda like my body?? skinny girls are sooo pretty and they pull off clothes so well :(( and their faces are so slim and ughhh if my face was thin i wouldn't be doing all this istg. but after getting older i think there's more of a sexual appeal in thicker girls and hey, ive never had an issue finding a partner. i got thick thighs, decent ass, kinda flat stomach, some boobs, hourglass-ish figure so honesty what more do i have to ask for LMAOO

yeah it sucks i can't pull off the big hoodie and look small and dainty in it but idgf anymore if i feel cute in it ima wear it. plus im short with a fucking baby face so guys will think im cute anyways.

btw having a baby face sucks as a bi female cause i also want a girlfriend and i want to be the protective one (i was with my first ex) and having that sort of face hinders me so fucking much cause i dont look badass.

anyways yeah. never thought i'd live to see the day i can live in my body without wanting to kill myself. there are things i'd love to change of course. i can point out each and every one, and ill try and change it. but sending myself into a full blown disorder again just isn't worth it.

the hardest thing to get rid of was the automatic calorie counter in my head and how id HAVE to get the lowest calorie option even if i didn't want it and then have a meltdown when i start overthinking that maybe its not the lowest.

yeah that? i dont miss that.

[snowbebbie]

14 April 2024

Food:

- Japanese BBQ Beef Slices, Rice, Miso Soup & a pathetic amount of Kimichi

- Glazed Doughnut

Exercise:

- 3.82km jog

- 15 x 3 Bicep Curl to Shoulder Press (4kg)

- 10 x 2 Lateral Raises (4kg) - wasn't great form

- 10 x 2 & 15 x 1 Lateral Raises (3kg)

- 20 x 3 Weighted Lunges (5kg)

- 10 x 1 Kettlebell Squats (10kgs)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Squats (6kg)

- 10 x 3 Standing Bicep Curls (3kg)

- 10 x 3 Standing Hammer Curls (3kg)

- 10 x 3 Kettlebell Deadlift (24kg)

- 40 + 20 sec Dead Hang

Journal:

Woke up, got ready, got informed we had to visit some relatives overseas (i hate this) got scolded by deadbeat father (how do you expect me to take him seriously when he himself makes his wife upset and his wife is also on tinder???)

went to the gym, slayed on that 3.8km run (PR!!). fucked around with some weights and did a dead hang for 40 seconds (another PR!) then i went to drop off the london things at my ex's house and left to go to the mall near my place to get dinner. dinner was tasty but not filling at all lmao also i hate cooking my own food at restaurants (steamboat, mookata e.t.c) NUH UH i hate using my brain when im tired and i want to eat something. was supposed to get frozen yoghurt after, but they didn't have the sauce i wanted so i went with a doughnut instead.

went home, found out my sleep hoodie and blanket was in the wash, was dismayed and distraught. texted my ask to ask for one of his hoodies back and he said "okie" im not sure how he's planning to pass it to me but aight i guess. Fell asleep after that.

[snowbebbie]

13 April 2024

Food:

- Char Siew Bun

- Kimchi Cup Noodles

- Magnum Cookie Ice Cream Bar

- 2 Ferro Rochers

- Pumpkin Crakcers

- 3/4 of a coke

- Rice, stewed potato, chicken + egg (took wayyy less rice)

Excerise:

- 50 x 2 Crunches

- 20 x 5 Reverse Crunches

- 30 x 3 Dead Bugs

- 25min of Beat Saber

Journal:

OKAY fucked up big time on the food. But i guess it could pass off as a normal person having a bad day??? i wouldn't call it a binge so im okay with that.

[snowbebbie]

why are there so many couples at the gym hogging the equipment 💀💀💀 yall have been sitting on the only fucking mat in the gym flirting with each other

[snowbebbie]

12 April 2024

Food:

- 1/4 of that Blueberry tea from days ago

- Rice, Fried cabbage, Mushrooms, Chicken drumstick

- One Piece of Seaweed Chicken Snack Thing

- Minibon Cinnamon Roll

Exercise:

3.06km jog

15 x 3 Bicep Curl to Shoulder Press (3kg)

10 x 2 + 20 x 1 Lateral Raises (3kg)

10 x 3 Bicep Curl to Shoulder Press (5kg)

15 x 3 Weighted Lunges (4kg)

20 x 3 Weighted Squats (5kg)

30 sec + 20 sec Dead Hang

15 x 2 Kettlebell Deadlifts (20kg)

15 x 1 Kettlebell Deadlifts (24kg)

Journal:

so last night i cried my fucking eyes out and texted my ex's unused alt discord account to vent and it lowkey got kinda delusional. something along the lines of i dont feel the need to contact you cause the person i loved is as good as dead and i could run back to you all i want but it'll never be the boy i fell in love with. then i went back to sleep and woke up and gym.

ngl a was a little sad about the run cause i thought i was doing pretty good but i guess not :O (maybe i spent too much energy sobbing last night) but yeah the staff guy that helped wih the water cooler helped me adjust the step up thing higher cause i was too short to reach the pull up bar (i had to jump and it was taking too much energy).

idk if im being delusional but i feel like he's been watching me a bunch :OO and i mean he saw me struggle with the water cooler and the pull up bar so 😭😭 i guess he is???

also it has come to my attention that my current make up look (prominent peach red lip stain + pale ass skin) makes people think im very chinese cause people speak to me more in chinese (even when im wearing a sweater saying LONDON ENGLAND).

i have the asian cute look and the lip stain really makes the "ASIAN" pop off so i guess thats why.

also i lifted up a 8kg kettlebell today and i was genuinely shocked by how light it felt to me i almost did reps. also also im super happy with the fact ive upped the weight for my usual routine! i was stagnent at 2kg and i was like ehh im not sure if i should up it cause the next one seems heavy to me BUT I CAN AND I DID yuh also new dry shampoo im trying out bastille and its leaving a bit of a residue so hmmm

after the gym i went to the airport to pick up some lotion and sat at my little hang out spot.

caught a glimpse of that QUAD muscle in the mirror while walking, and that was a nice feeling.

I took a nap at the airport, woke up, cried some more, drew a bit, went on the bus home, cried more, reached home, showered and had dinner.

After dinner i cried even more and fell asleep.

It would appear my day largely consists of breaking out into tears. Last time i cried this much was when i attempted to off myself damn.

[snowbebbie]

SO THE SAME STAFF GUY that helped me with the water cooler i think he's watching me cause i was having a hard time gripping the pull up bar cause i was too short even with the step up thing so he came over and adjusted the step thing so it was a little higher 😭😭😭 he looked at me while walking away LMAOOOOOO