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MISS CONGENIALITY (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

Stan Fields: Describe your perfect date.

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"My dear, if you'll pardon the condescension," Alastor drawled, halting for a moment for the illusion of hesitance over his words more so than for any real concern for hurt feelings. He was routinely condescending. It was his right as the clearly superior being.  Recognizing this and having a robust enough ego not to be unduly put off by being looked down on (either that or possessing a combination of enough moxie and power to make him reconsider his opinion) was a vital aspect to remaining within the radio demon's circle of people he tolerated if you found yourself lucky enough to gain access to it in the first place.  "You do know the nature of a radio performance means I will not be seen, yes?" 

He was as fond of a well-made suit as the next demon (more fond, even, since so many had lost appreciation for fine tailoring and dressing for occasion in the past decades), but he hardly thought interrupting Vox's evening broadcast with one of his own warranted a new outfit. "If our flat-headed friend has put cameras in my recording booth again, I'll see them fry more quickly than..." That time he did truly flounder for a moment, trying to recall the name of that desperate little would-be-overload that kept attacking their tower. Alas no name came to him. Alastor could only vaguely recall hissing and a rather ugly top hat. "...One of that unfortunate snake's henchmen on a sidewalk." 

"Offense taken. Fuck you, you desiccated old fossil," Velvette snapped back cheerfully, herding Alastor toward the raised platform surrounded by mirrors she usually posed her models on. There was a bounce in her step at the prospect of getting to play with and pose her most prickly colleague. She hovered a breath away from grabbing his arm and manhandling him into place. "May I?"

"Do what you need to in order to adjust the fit, yes. Anything else...you know the answer hasn't changed." Alastor did so love to...what was the phrase he'd heard from the fashionista herself? Clapback? No, that didn't seem like the right context. He liked being the one to present the punchline and the final word. 

"Don't flatter yourself." Velvette snorted." I'm not nearly as desperate as Vox...or Val for that matter."

If he was inclined to be a bit more fair, or, conversely, terribly unfair to his oldest partner, Alastor could have pointed out that, succubus inspired feral states notwithstanding, Vox mostly sought other types of intimacy from him, vulnerabilities he was almost as unequipped to give wholeheartedly, chasing the insular closeness of their early years and some of the words Alastor used to say and try very hard to mean in the way Vox had wished him to before he'd decided to embrace that he was as broken in death as he had been in life (He had been convinced not to call himself broken out loud, as it was apparently upsetting for people who cared about him,  though he didn't care nearly as much himself. What did the term matter as long as he was at peace with himself?) and Valentino had come along to alleviate some of the pressure. 

Valentino was a different story. 

"Speaking of Val.Did you get the flowers?" Velvette asked. Measuring tape snapped. She had taken Alastor's measurements in the past and her magic had a pretty solid lock on his frame, but she knew Alastor appreciated proper procedure. It was why she showed him swatches and let him have a say in picking out his own fabrics before calling clothes into being.

"Lovely as usual, and absolutely dripping with his pheromones," Alastor resigned himself to give her the gossip she was seeking. 

"As usual," Velvette scoffed again, and retreated for a moment to quickly sketch a drawing to show Alastor so there were no surprises.

"A strange sort of apology, considering what it was for. Ruined the natural scent. Waste of whatever favor he called in to get roses fresh from the living world."

"So, what did you do? Shred them, shred him, then stuff the petals in the wounds?" Velvette's eyes were trained on her notebook, but she never let it be said that she couldn't multi-task. 

"Darling, do you think I want to be predictable? That's what I did last time. I cleaned them--carefully--and divided them between my girls." Alastor's smile turned a bit soft around the edges, affectionate, as he recalled Mimzy's pantomimed swooning fit and Rosie's particular amusement at the tired pun of 'roses for a Rose' that she hadn't had an occasion to hear in decades. Both had called him things like charmer and heartbreaker, only meaning the latter as much as would make his grin easy to maintain. Nifty had squealed and asked how he’d known that her next roach production was King Lear and she’d need rose petals for crafting properly regal costuming.

  A feral edge slid back into his grin as he turned the topic back to the moth overlord.  "I'll thank 'Tino later, when he least expects it."

"Am I not one of your girls?" Velvette was just on the wrong side of coy in the tone of her curiosity to spark any true worry for hurt feelings.

"The girl who matters most," Alastor appealed to ego smoothly enough that the claim settled in like a lie, bare and obvious, platitude nearing the territory of blatant mockery.  All the better to obscure whether it came closer to truth than Alastor felt comfortable making known. It was easier to make grand statements about Mimzy and Rosie, those who he saw more infrequently and weren't often directly involved in his battles or business or settled in his territory, who were clearly delineated as asking for favors and accruing debt  when he helped them (whether he ever intended to collect or not). 

"Save the hot air for when Vox gets pissy you're cutting into his air time, Al." Velvette clearly understood and radiated smug happiness, but neither of them would call attention to it. "Why did you pick tonight anyway? Programming's already catered to you. Black and white night. We're showing that remake of Casablanca Val shot with Angie and Husk. His one legit film. You know, until the end scene where they bang on the hood of the plane after throwing the husband into the propeller, but that was on Angel Dust for forgetting the script. Nobody knows how that movie goes except for ‘play it again’ and ‘here’s looking at you, kid,’ anyway.”

Least of all Alastor. He refrained from pointing out yet again that he'd died long before Casablanca had come to the movie houses. Velvette had mocked him terribly when he'd admitted he liked some earthly modern music created long after his death and then made her listen to The Andrews Sisters' "I Didn't Know the Gun was Loaded." It had been no worse than her usual jibes, objectively, but there was a sting involved in being reminded that he was indeed older than she could even comprehend. 

"It feels like a night for it." He couldn't explain his moods. 

Velvette appeared to accept that answer, not pressing further, but showing him her sketches. A suit, first with jacket on and closed, and then shown without the jacket, highlighting a vest with notched lapels and front cut low enough to show off the tie well. The tailoring was tight across his chest and around his waist, but the pants had wider legs. The pinstripes were a touch too wide for his taste, more stripe than pin, but Alastor could hold off arguing the point until he saw it in reality and assessed whether they were truly as tacky as they looked on paper.

"You aren't going to take the opportunity to try and goad me into something more daring?" Alastor asked as a way of expressing his approval. It hadn't been so long that either of them had forgotten the skinny jeans incident. 

"A classic suit never goes out of style, and I already had my win when I convinced you to get rid of that fuckass bob of yours for good. A public service is what that was. Besides, I let Vox keep his fugly, Leave it to Beaver dad sweater vests when he wants to wear them, so you aren't the most embarrassing oldster ruining our image." 

"Our image, is it?" Alastor questioned. He pitied them all, having to account for one another, but he didn't disagree.

"You've been skipping too many of Vox's morning meetings. We are members of the AV Club first and individual overlords outside of the alliance second. We are all faces of Voxtech, even the ones who don't show up on video."

"My public service. This face would bring down our reputation in one shot." Alastor inclined his head and pressed a hand to his chest.

"Stop fishing for compliments. I already have to set an alarm in my phone to remind Val he's pretty every day or risk a meltdown. Don't make me do it for you too." Velvette held up a scarlet and a maroon swatch, and waved them in front of Alastor's face . She knew he didn't have much range. 

He indicated the scarlet. "It's not false modesty. I know we can't all be as adorable as you."

"That's true." Velvette did not even try to suppress a glowing look, preening under the praise. She snapped three times in quick succession until she was happy with her creation. A fourth snap had a heart shaped tie pin affixing itself to the black tie that had wound itself around Alastor's neck and tucked itself into the conjured vest.  

The pin was hardly something Alastor would pick for himself, but the little red heart was also what kept him from commenting on the stripes Velvette had insisted on recreating from her drawing--tacky, yes, but tacky in the same way Velvette's favorite shirt and the adorned fluff that lined the top of Valentino's wings were. 

"Another revelatory new piece from Velvette," Alastor declared, regarding the mirror and watching the steady image blink back at him.

"Hold still. You're not done yet. I'm going to get rid of that monocle for you, and you aren't going to summon it back or buy a new one in a day or two this time around. That thing was grandpa shit when you were still breathing."

"Is that so?" Alastor challenged. "Are you quite sure?"

As sure as she was about Casablanca being one of his favorite movies, surely.

"Collier declared in 1933 that a monocle in one eye was strictly the old ackamarackuss. Don't test me on popular style, Bambi Boo."

"Ackamarackuss?" Alastor questioned, voice reverberating and distorting in surprise as if he were the one that should be unfamiliar with the word.

"Bitch, please. Count on me to always know the best slang," Her chin lifted, expression smug once more.

"It's worse than when Valentino was convinced that if he renamed one of his clubs to The Juke, I would feel more comfortable," Alastor bid her not to try so hard. 

"Oh, come on, how else can I pay you back for the absolute euphoria I felt when you walked  up to that wrinkly old ballet slipper, Camila, at the last overlord meeting and told her," Velvette slipped into an imitation of Alastor's carefully crafted transatlantic accent, "My dear, don't hate us because you ain't us?" She lapsed back into her normal cadence. "That was top tier shit, right there. I'll never forget her face."

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by strada+

※ Permission to post was granted by the artist. ※ Please don’t repost or remove caption.

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@rodhatz year? No way! You stop that right now.

Ferb, I know what we're going to do today.

Also, your birthday coming up is another interesting reminder....

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Shaky is doing alright as of the last time we talked, which was awhile ago, but still no reason to think she's not still fine. Just not into fandom anymore. Life has phases.

Anyway, Twilight Years, I think is my favorite of the series too. I really enjoyed writing that one, so I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

96 is a bit insane, yes. It just slowly built. Kingdom Hearts is only like 40 of those I believe.

As for your tags, consider something even more insane than being a simultaneous Kingdom Hearts and Hazbin fan:

Post KH3 Sora lands not in Shibuya/presumably World Ends With You style afterlife, but in Hazbin's hell, completely out of his depth and confused--even beyond getting used to the "local customs" and colorful in more ways than one denizens. Not to sound judgmental, but he's pretty sure he doesn't belong here. Then again, a lot of these people have good hearts underneath and should get an extra chance for something better , he's sure of it. He's going to help his new friend Charlie with this hotel thing, and, not just that, but he's going to inspire the hellborn to make a brighter, more peaceful place for those that are going to stay!! Nothing will go wrong on this happy day!

....Now there's an idea to sleep on

Hi I know your AkuRoku posts are old as hell but the stuff I’ve seen you write is amazing and I would lay my life down for Dulce and Salena. Also congratulations on the new(?) Hazbin fixation because it wasn’t there when I last stumbled upon some of your posts.

(Art by Shaky aka @nooneshome and doesn't that Url change break my heart)

The babies! It's been so long since I thought about them. And I'm not even sure if the posts are all properly tagged. Most of the one-shots are on AO3, but asks and rambling thoughts? Things always get lost.

Ah, I'm glad you like them and it makes my night to know that people are still discovering and reading those old posts.

Makes me want to act like some kind of Kingdom Hearts sleeper agent snapped back into action by key phrases.

Thank you so much for calling my writing amazing!

So, what's your favorite? Did you make it to my AO3 or just things posted here on tumblr? Obviously, you don't need to answer. I'm just here, smiling, ready to kick my feet.

And yes, the Hazbin fixation is new. I haven't written for it yet. I keep meaning to and I've started a few things and mentally plotted even more, but, ya know, hasn't happened yet.

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Hi just read one of your akuroku family dabbles and I am crying actual literal tears about Namine being the surrogate for them idk why it hit me so hard but I'm actually sobbing

I am really glad that the detail resonated with you. It’s something I have a fair amount of feelings about too, though I am not quite sure I have the exact right words to parse together of why I think it would mean a lot to her to help make children possible for her friends and how she would feel being honored/trusted that way. 

If you really want to cry, start thinking of the act of final healing it would be for her and Axel.  Think of that conversation where Roxas and Axel ask her with Axel feeling like, even after all this time, he doesn’t deserve to ask anything of her considering how they first met each other with him helping hold her at Castle Oblivion and she points out that he was also the one who see her free, the first person to give her a choice in her life--even if he did have some self-serving reasons. That was his first spark of return to humanity. She knows he likes to say Roxas was his heart, and anyone can see that’s mostly true, but she liked to think she could see the good in him even then. The potential. She can see the potential in any baby Axel and Roxas raise too, as they grow up surrounded in love.

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This drawing kills me everytime.. Namine drawing akuroku fanart is ~chef's kiss~ She is the ultimate shipper.

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THIS IS ALSO THE PERFECT TIME TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT THERE IS AN AKUROKU ZINE TRYING TO GET OFF THE GROUND.

❤️‍🔥Dear ░░░░░, Mod applications are now open for Memories Burning Red, a free, digital Akuroku zine focusing on memorabilia, letters & other sentimental objects! 📕Form 📕Twitter 📕Retrospring

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“Power sleeps within you. If you give it form, it will give you strength.”

Destiny Islands falls a week late. Sora wakes up not to a friendly dog but an empty alley. Donald and Goofy already found Traverse Town empty and took their desperate search for the Keybarer to another world, Pluto carving his own path, but following behind. By the time they return, Sora has moved on, taking Riku’s hand like he wanted to on the islands and following him to Hollow Bastion and his new mentors. Sora’s power is the friends he makes in any universe.

Updated 4/27/23

CHAPTER EIGHT: BOYS WILL BE BOYS

READ ON AO3

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Hi I know your AkuRoku posts are old as hell but the stuff I’ve seen you write is amazing and I would lay my life down for Dulce and Salena. Also congratulations on the new(?) Hazbin fixation because it wasn’t there when I last stumbled upon some of your posts.

(Art by Shaky aka @nooneshome and doesn't that Url change break my heart)

The babies! It's been so long since I thought about them. And I'm not even sure if the posts are all properly tagged. Most of the one-shots are on AO3, but asks and rambling thoughts? Things always get lost.

Ah, I'm glad you like them and it makes my night to know that people are still discovering and reading those old posts.

Makes me want to act like some kind of Kingdom Hearts sleeper agent snapped back into action by key phrases.

Thank you so much for calling my writing amazing!

So, what's your favorite? Did you make it to my AO3 or just things posted here on tumblr? Obviously, you don't need to answer. I'm just here, smiling, ready to kick my feet.

And yes, the Hazbin fixation is new. I haven't written for it yet. I keep meaning to and I've started a few things and mentally plotted even more, but, ya know, hasn't happened yet.

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when you say "Vox is the hinge" this is what you mean right

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So kh fans what’s the lore behind utada hikaru being able to dual wield two keyblades? Who had to seek refuge inside utada’s heart?

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Velvette doesn't always make Valentino suffer on purpose, she just has a natural talent for starting shit 😔

They only bond over crushing dreams, beauty stuff, Vox, etc

Valentino has to put on x2 speed Satisfying Videos to get Velvette to sit down and watch his goddamn films all the way through

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