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Connor Murphy x Reader: Dear Other Hansen: Part 2

words: 705

warnings: jared being jared

“Here’s the woman of the hour! (Y/N) Hansen!” Jared exclaimed, hopping out of his seat at the lunch table.

You sighed and sat down, “Jared, please don’t start it.”

“You saved Connor Murphy’s ass today! They were probably going to expel him, and you defended him! AND she got Derek suspended!” Jared had clearly heard his dose of the gossip that started after your English class ended. “Dude, the whole school is talking about it.” 

“Wait, what happened?” Evan looked like a lost puppy. 

“Evan,” Jared started, “You seriously live under a rock if you haven’t heard. Look, everyone is looking at us, so your the only person that hasn’t heard about it yet.” If almost a cue at least a hundred pairs of eyes looked towards your table. “To fill you in, your lovely sister saved Connor Murphy’s ass from getting kicked out of school.” 

“Guys, I’ll explain everything, but can we please go to the roof or someplace?” You were suddenly aware of all of the eyes on you, including Evan and Jared’s. They nodded and the three of you headed up towards the halls. “Okay one, Connor wasn’t going to get expelled, he was just going to get suspended. Two, Derek started being creepy, and Connor defended me. Three, I couldn’t technically speak in the office, so Mr. Sinclair did the actually saving.”

Once you had filled them in on everything, you heard a voice calling your name. “(Y/N)! (Y/N) hold up!” You turned to see Zoe rushing down the hall. “Oh my God, (Y/N) I heard what happened.” She looked to Jared and Evan and did an awkward wave. “Hi Evan, and Jared?” Zoe said Jared's name more as a question than a statement, unsure if that was really his name. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but wasn't sure if she should.

"Hey Zoe, do you want to come with us to the roof for lunch?" You suggested, Evan turning beet red, and Jared with a mischievous smile.

"Oh yeah! Shouldn't she join us Evan?" Jared shot a wink towards Zoe, only for you to subtly hit him as a warning to lay off the topic. "We can talk all about (Y/N) and Connor."

---

After heading to a more private place, you quickly filled the group in on the events of your English class and encounter with Connor.

"I still can't believe my brother did something so...decent," Zoe said, still somewhat in a daze of trying to imagine the situation.

"I know, like, how did he manage to stand up to Derek and survive?" Jared replied. "And little (Y/N) going to the office to help save Connor and get Derek in deep trouble- boy, will a target be on your back."

Evan's eyes widened, "Jared!!"

"What, I'm just trying to be realistic. She got the golden boy of the football team suspended, she'll be a walking punching bag for the jocks."

"Jared!" Zoe interrupted.

"Like, she's going to need a body guard at this point. And before the big game against our schools rivals." Jared continued dragging on the scenario, "When you die can I help pick out the flowers? Red for the blood you shed, black for your encounter with Murphy, green for the meme god Pepe, brown for the football that was used to murder yo- OW!" Evan whacked the back of Jared's neck with his cast while Zoe was holding you reassuringly.

Zoe squeezed your arm, "He's just making it out to be worse than it is. None of us will let you get hurt."

"Speak for yourself," Jared whined, still rubbing his neck, "Evan and I are easy picking for the jocks, we have been for years. We won't be much help at all, even if we wanted to."

You sighed, "He's right. It's hopeless, I'm doomed."

Zoe sat deep in thought, "I'm sure we'll think of something."

"Hopefully," you smiled weakly, "Anyways, Zoe, we both have last hour study hall, and I kind of wanted to ask if we could go thank Connor then. I still feel bad that he got a black eye out of the whole ordeal."

"Yeah of course, I just have to be back before band practice."

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Will you continue your Connor fic? I just read part one and I’m kind of already hooked haha

I definitely will, I've just been having a hard time balancing school with writing lately and I'm going through so side effects of a new medicine. I'm hoping I can get part 2 done either on or around Thanksgiving :)

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Oh my God! Thank you!

so it’s come to my attention that andrew barth feldman has my whole heart, and since this account is mainly deh fanfiction, i though it was only fitting to change my profile picture from alex to andrew. i do a quick google search andrew barth feldman with flower crown and nothing comes up. so now i’m sitting here praying that this gets into some talented person’s dash- because i truly am not capable of making this dream come true myself. but seriously imagine a flower crown on one of these pictures (yes there is one of jordan- i love him endlessly too) :

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Connor Murphy x Reader: Dear Other Hansen: Part 1

words: 1,643

warnings: fight, slight harassment by a pervy football player

It was the first day of your senior year and your mom was giving the same speech to you and Evan that she gave every year. Growing up twins you shared everything: your anxiety, your interest in nature, your love-hate relationship with Jared, and your clear disdain for this speech. 'This year would be different, it's a new start- a clean slate. She's so proud of you already.'

"Oh and Evan, (Y/N)? I made you an appointment with for today, I'll come buy and pick you guys up after school. Make sure you guys have letters to yourself, the doctor expects you to have some." 

"We have an appointment for next week though, mom?" Evan questioned, worried that he overestimated the amount of time he could put off writing his letter.

"I thought you could use something a little sooner. I love you guys! Have a good first day, and remember if you guys need anything at all, call me. Bye," with that she was out the door.

Evan looked to you, and then down at his hands. "(Y/N), I still haven't written anything..."

"I know," you sighed, running your hands through your hair, "I haven't either. We were supposed to have another week." Procrastination. That was another trait you shared. You were well aware that it would only make the task at hand more daunting, but sometimes it was just more convenient to watch TV than do work.

"And we still have to take the bus. It's our senior year, and we're the only seniors who still have to ride the bus. Everyone is going to think we're losers."

"...What if we just walk?" You suggested, to which Evan responded to by nodding vigorously. You grabbed your stuff and the two of you began walking.

It was warm outside, but cloudy. Evan and you were talking about the normal stuff. He was talking about working at the park, and you were talking about hanging out with Zoe- another thing you had in common- who you had befriended one day at the mall at the beginning of the summer. You had been at American Eagle, trying to find the perfect outfit to boost your confidence. Zoe had seen you, said hi, and proceeded to help choose the cutest outfit you had ever seen. Ever since then, Zoe and you were good friends. Evan always loved hearing you talk about her, because he felt like he knew her better when you did. 

Finally, you arrived at school. Evan walked over to talk with Alana and then Jared, trying aimlessly to get them to sign his cast. Zoe had came over to you as soon as she saw you arrive to school, upset about the morning she had "-and then he finished the milk! Dry cereal was not how I wanted to start my first day back."

"Maybe he's just on his man period?" You didn't want to admit it, but Connor always intrigued you. He never looked like he was the same guy who Zoe complained about, or the rumors that spread across the school. He just looked out-of-place, which is how you felt most of the time. He didn’t look like he could be that much of a dick. Back in grade school, you had been in bed with the flu when Connor presumably threw a printer. After hearing little Evan cry for three hours after school about it- not because he was scared or even angry- because the teacher was printing out a coloring page for him, and he never got it. 

"Then he would have been menstruating since he was twelve-" Zoe was interrupted by hearing Connor yelling. She turned the corner to see him screaming at Evan and Jared scurrying off. "Oh no."

"Why are you laughing? Stop fucking laughing! I'm not the freak! You're the fucking freak!" Connor pushed Evan down and ran off sulking.

Zoe and you rushed over to Evan to make sure he was okay. You'd talked to her enough about Evan for her to know that he wasn't going to take this well. You were freaking out, both worried about Evan and horrified that he had already been pushed on the first day. The bell rung and Zoe went her separate way, while Evan rambled on, "-and then she introduced herself to me! Did you see that? It was so magical. Well, it would have been if I hadn't screwed it up."

"You'll be okay Evan. She's a sweet girl, she's not going to judge you. Especially since Connor was involved. What class do you have?"

"Stats, what about you?"

"English, see you at lunch or something?" You hugged Evan as tight as you could headed to class.

---

When you arrived to class, you took a seat in the back corner, relieved that you were in your favorite teacher’s class this year. Mr. Sinclair was half way done with the syllabus when Connor Murphy walked in. He walked to the back of the class room, but there were only two seats left. One by the captain of the football team, Derek, and the other next to you. He choose to sit next to you.

Not long after Mr. Sinclair was done with the syllabus, he announced that there would be a group project. “Your partners will be your table buddies. You will choose a book, and make a project on it. I emailed the requirements, but keep in mind that the books need to be appropriate. Derek you can join whatever group you.”  Mr. Sinclair then let everyone start working on the project. You were sitting with your hands cupped on the desk, staring down at them. You didn't know what to do. Sure, you'd seen Connor around at the Murphy's house, but he never really said anything more than the greetings his mom forced him to say. Other than that, all you knew about him were the rumors, what Zoe said about him, and that he'd hurt Evan earlier that day.

"(Y/N), right?" A voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You nodded, recognizing it as Connor's voice. "You're related to the kid with the cast and the polo?"

"-Evan, he's my twin." You didn't know why he was asking this. You’d been in the same grade level and classes as Connor since kindergarten, and even if you never personally spoke to Connor, you were sure he already knew these things.

"So you're going to go ask if we can just separate projects," You couldn't tell if this was a question or a command. "I mean, you're brother thinks I'm a freak, so why would you want to do a project with me."

"Evan does not think that, I promise."

Connor's voice got louder, "Yeah? Then why was he fucking laughing at me with Kleinman earlier?"

Your heart began race, and you began stuttering. Your face must have shown traces of anxiety because Connor's angry gaze softened slightly. He reached his hand toward your hand, but he was blocked by a figure.

“What do you think you’re doing, Murphy?” 

“Go away Derek.” The same amount Connor’s eye softened at the sight of your anxiety, they hardened when he saw Derek. 

“Were you going to hurt her?”

“Go. Away. Derek.”

“No can do. I’ve decided to be (Y/N)’s partner.” Derek slung his arm around your shoulders as you stiffened.

Connor was visibly getting more annoyed by the minute, “That would mean that your my partner too, go find a different set of partners.”

“Babycakes wants me here.” A smirk spread across his face. You were growing more uncomfortable, and were silenced by shock and disgust.  “No, she doesn’t. Neither do I, so don’t make me-”

“Make you do what? I’ve already decided. (Y/N), call me when you want to meet up for the project, sweetie.” Your face grew ten shades of red as you involuntarily grabbed onto Connor’s arm and scooted closer to him. Connor took one look at your shaky, nervous frame and lunged into action.

Connor drove his fist into Derek’s face, and Derek did the same. It was a blur as you gaped at the two men fighting, feeling a panic attack coming on, and before you knew it they were being pulled apart by Mr. Sinclair and two other teachers who had been called in. The teachers escorted Connor and Derek to the office. Mr. Sinclair pulled you outside the classroom and sat with you until your panic died down, “Are you okay, Ms. Hansen?” You nodded. “Did Mr. Murphy hurt you?” 

It took a moment to process what he said. “Connor didn’t do anything, Mr. Sinclair. Derek was making some,” you sighed, “comments about me that made me feel creeped out. I think Connor saw I was uncomfortable and tried to defend me.” 

Mr. Sinclair pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ms. Hansen, if what your saying is true, we need to get you down to the office so they don’t blame this on Connor.” Mr. Sinclair took you to the office just as the principal was getting ready to suspend Connor and release Derek. Mr. Sinclair reiterated what you had told him, and you confirmed it. Derek protested, trying to say that you were making it up.

“Very well,” the principal raised his hand to stop Derek, “Ms. Hansen has never given me any reason to not believe her. That, and last year three students came forward about you, Derek. I’m afraid I have no choice but to suspend you for a week and put you on probation from football until further notice. Connor, I’m going to let you off with a warning, and send you home for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, I will trust that you will not do this again, or you will be suspended.” Connor shook his head, and left without another word. 

---

A/N- I’m not sure how long this series is going to be, but we’ll see. 

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so it's come to my attention that andrew barth feldman has my whole heart, and since this account is mainly deh fanfiction, i though it was only fitting to change my profile picture from alex to andrew. i do a quick google search andrew barth feldman with flower crown and nothing comes up. so now i'm sitting here praying that this gets into some talented person's dash- because i truly am not capable of making this dream come true myself. but seriously imagine a flower crown on one of these pictures (yes there is one of jordan- i love him endlessly too) :

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Connor Murphy x Reader: Snow Day

words: 691

warnings: swearing

  It had been snowing for hours, and the roads were getting icier. You sat in the Murphy household watching the school cancellations on their ultra HD TV in the large living room. Zoe was curled in a blanket on the verge of sleep, mumbling something about the coldness. Larry was sitting at his favorite chair, responding to emails from his firm, barely looking up at the TV unless there was a collective groan from the group. Cynthia was making her famous hot chocolate, as an attempt to bring the family a little, if any, closer together for their guest. Their guest was you; you were cuddled up on the sofa, sharing a blanket with Connor. The two of you had planned to binge crime shows and then go out for dinner. That, of course, didn't happen because of the snow that had accumulated while you were watching said shows.

  The roads had gotten bad, and just as the two of you were about to head out to your favorite restaurant, Larry and Cynthia stopped you. They had called your parents and asked if you could spend the night. Your parents said they would in no way, shape, or form have you driving in the snow and ice. So that's how you got stuck at the Murphy's house. Connor was already in a mood from having to stay with his family instead of going to dinner so when your school had yet to close, it just made him more cranky.

  “Fuck,” Connor groaned, shoving his head into the crook of your neck. The list of school cancellations had started over again, and your school was still open. 

   You smiled gently over at Connor and stroked his hair, “Hey, they’re bound to cancel soon.”

"I'm not annoyed about that." Connor didn't move from his position, "I'm annoyed about this-" he motioned around the room to his family.

"Don't mind him, we just have different visions of the ideal families, hot cocoa?" Cynthia handed you a cup of hot chocolate for you, and then carefully placed another in Connor's outstretched hand, while his face was still shoved in your neck.

"You know you can't drink like that, right?" Larry sighed, barely looking up.

"I can try?"

You finally decided to step in, "Connor, he's right you know."

"I know..." He his head and sat upright with one arm around you, and his free hand still holding his drink. By the time he'd finished his drink, yours was long gone. He set his mug down on the coaster and starred at the TV. "We're going to my room, let us know if we actually get called off. I can't stand being by you people any longer."

With that he grabbed your hand and led you up the stairs to his room.

You laid down right next to him, wrapping your arms around him. He was rubbing his temples and you could tell that he had been stuck with his family for too long.

"Hey Con?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to build a snowman or some shit?”  

A small smirk formed on his face, “You’re kidding me.”  

“I am most definitely not. Let’s go,”  You pulled on his hand, trying to drag him off the bed. “It doesn’t have to be a snowman....”

“Can it be an igloo?” 

“Yes!” 

---

    After about two hours of attempting to make an igloo, both Connor and you were exhausted, freezing, and hungry. Luckily, Connor had progressively gotten into a better mood while you two were outside. 

“Guys, mom made COOKIES!” Zoe screamed from the back door, “and school finally got cancelled! But the cookies are still warm!” 

   Before you headed inside, Connor stopped you. “Hey, (Y/N). Being stuck in this house is so much more bearable when I have you with me. Thanks for sticking by me.” 

   “Hey, thank you for actually building snow things with me. I thought you would’ve said no,” You kissed him on the chin. 

  “You looked really excited, plus it is still our date night. How could I refuse?” He embraced you for a few minutes, “Come on, let’s go get some of those cookies.”

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Masterlist

Dear Evan Hansen:

Connor Murphy-

Scars 

All I Want

Snow Day

Dear Other Hansen- Part 1 

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Connor Murphy x Reader: All I Want

words: 1896

warnings: none

based on Alex Boniello's Connor

  You were driving to school in Jared's car blasting Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas. He was your next door neighbor, so, more often than not, the two of you rode to school and home together, sometimes with Evan. Today was one of those days where it was just the two of you “All I want for Christmas is,”  you sang as you turned to Jared as he finished off the song. 

  “YouuuUUUooouuuuuuuu,”  Jared sang, overly done and out of tune. “Autographs will be available on ebay for $50 per letter, thank you New York!” Your laughs faded into a comfortable silence.

  You switched the radio off, “Jared, I need advice.”  

  “Finally, you recognize me as the wise one I am. What is it my young padawan?”

  “It’s serious, Kleinman,” Even though you knew he was making a joke, you’d kicked around asking him for help multiple times, always deciding against it.

  His face turned from a shit-eating grin to a straight face, “Alright, what’s up?”

  Rubbing your temples, you managed to spit it out, “What do you do when you have a really big crush on somebody, but you’re too afraid to say anything?”  

  “Isn’t that more of a question for Evan?”

  “No,” you shot Jared a pleading look, “because I actually want to do something about it.” Now the two of you were walking into the school.

  “Well shit, my little (Y/N)’s all grown up.” Before you could do anything he continued, “I’d normally say go for dirty jokes, but I don’t think you’re the type to do that... So maybe if you told me who you liked, I could better help you.”

  Blood rushed to your face at the very thought of telling Jared that you liked Connor Murphy. Maybe he was right, maybe this was more of a question for Evan, but then again, he’d been in love with Zoe for over a year and he still hadn’t made a move. “You know? Nevermind, I really don’t know why I said that. It’s stupid anyways.”

   “Aw, come on (Y/N), you can tell me anything you know. I won’t make fun of you.” He most definitely would make fun of you. 

  You weren’t ready for this. “So, how’s your history project on Amsterdam coming along? Evan said he was working on it all last night.” 

   Jared’s eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah he added like ten slides about a tree that apparently is famous in Amsterdam. It’s so stupid, we’re probably going to fail.” 

   He began ranted about some tree that Evan had written about for their presentation. You took that opportunity to glance around the halls to find Connor. When you finally found him, you noticed he was motioning for you to come over. Jared was still distracted with his rant. You slide away, making your way over to Connor.

  “What’s up?” You chirped as Connor shoved a book into your hands. “What’s this?”  

  Connor turned back to his locker and shoved some books in, “You left it our house after your sleepover with Zoe a few days ago.” You peered down to see your diary. That’s where it had gone. “She’s sick, so she wouldn’t have been able to get it back to you and she just had me bring it to you.”  You turned pale as you realized that Zoe might have read your diary. If even possible, you lost even more color when you processed that Connor might have done the same. He glimpsed over at you, “I didn’t read it if that’s what you’re worried about. Can’t say the same about Zoe.” 

 “Oh, okay....” trailing off you felt dread sinking in, “Has she been acting weird?” Zoe finding out about your crush on Connor would be worse than Jared finding out. 

  “When isn’t she acting weird?” Connor sighed as he closed his locker and looked over to your small paled form, “Are you okay? You don’t look so well.” 

  “I’m okay, just a little-” You got cut off by Jared bolting over to you. 

  “There you are, (Y/N)!” Jared looked like he had ran a marathon, you wondered how long he walked and talked to himself before he realized you weren’t there, “I see what you did there! You had me complain to get me off your case! Well, I’m not going to. Who is that crush you mentioned earlier?” Jared’s eyes widened as he noticed you clutching your diary. He yanked it out of your hands and started flipping through the pages. Abruptly, he stopped, seemingly finding what he was looking for. Jared stared at the page for a minute before glancing up at you as he started to laugh. “You’re kidding me? You really like that guy? This is too good. I’ll catch you later.” Still laughing he shoved the diary into Connor’s hands and walked down the hall cackling. 

  Connor blinked, trying to process the strange scene that just went down around him. “Any idea what that was about?” You nodded, really hurt that Jared had just read your diary and laughed. “You wanna talk about it?” You nodded again.”Okay, follow me,” Connor grabbed your wrist and dragged you out the nearest fire exit. “Okay what is this about?” 

  “I made the mistake about asking Jared for help with this crush I have. Then I regretted it and refused to tell him who it was.” You took a breath and continued, “Do you want to hear it from me, or read it?” You asked Connor.

   He shrugged and opened up your diary, where Jared had left the bookmark. He skimmed until he found a name. Not any just any name, his name. “So, uh,”  Connor scratched the back of his neck, “That’s why you were so worried about about Zoe reading that.”  

  You shook your head, “She’d freak out.” For a minute you almost felt calm, even though Connor Murphy literally just read you confessing to your diary that you like him. And he hadn’t even acknowledged that you liked him. “So...” You bit your lip and looked over to Connor, who looked like he just realized what he had read. 

  “Wait a second,” He rubbed between his eyes, “you wrote my name.....does that mean?”  

   Nodding, you looked to your feet. “Look, if it’s too weird, just forget it. It’s not like you would want somebody like me, I’m just me.” The confidence you had began slipping, and you turned to walk back into the school, feeling like a complete fool. 

   A sudden pair of arms wrapped around you, stopping you dead in your tracks. “Don’t go.” Connor muttered in your hair. “I like you too. All I’ve wanted for awhile was to be with you, (Y/N).” 

  You felt your heart stop, and then speed up faster than could possibly be healthy. You shimmied around so you could face Connor. “Really?” 

  His eyes sparkled as he leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead. “Really. Do you maybe, um, want to skip the rest of the day and hang out?” 

  “I’d like that,” you said squeezing him tightly before you began to walk to the parking lot. “Where do you want to go?” 

  “Well, we could go to my house, but we’d have to sneak in and be quiet. ‘Cause Zoe is home. Or is your house available?” 

  “My dad is working from home today.” 

  “My house it is, then.” The two of you got into his car and drove off as he began, “So, you’re one of Zoe’s best friends, I’m sure she says all sorts of things about me. How did you manage to still like me, even with those things?” 

  “Connor, I’m Zoe’s best friend, I see what it’s like at your house. I see all the conflict, you’re handling it as best as you can. I know I’d be a million times worse if I had to deal with what you have to.” 

  “(Y/N), thank you.”  

  Confused you answered, “You’re welcome. Wait what am I welcome for?” 

  Connor smiled, not that fake smile he would give you when you hung out with Zoe, but a genuine smile. “For being able to look past all the rumors you hear at school and all the things Zoe says.” You smiled back to him, placing your hand on his leg while he drove. The rest of the ride was filled by a pleasant silence. Upon arriving at the Murphy residence, Connor led the two of you to climb into his window.  As soon as you got in- with some help from Connor, he took his shoes off and collapsed onto his bed. 

   You kicked your shoes off and lingered, unsure whether to sit on his bed or at his desk. Finally, you decided to sit on the edge of his bed. “This really is real, isn’t it?” Connor finally broke the silence and rolled onto his side so he could see you instead of the ceiling. “Do you want to watch something?”  

   “Yeah, let’s do that.”  You still felt a little uneasy sitting on Connor’s bed, even though you knew he liked you back, you were still on your crush’s bed. He turned on a horror movie, and curled up on his bed, motioning for you to lay next to him. You did, and he pulled a blanket onto the two of you and wrapped one arm around your shoulders.  The movie was scarier than you had first thought it would be, so with every jump scare you would pull closer into Connor, hiding your face in his chest. Unbeknownst to you, that was exactly why he’d chosen this movie. 

   Halfway through, you refused to even look at the screen, and just clung onto Connor, arms wrapped tightly around him, and your face hidden in his chest. You felt him move, and then heard the movie’s sound come to a halt. You looked up to see his face, and he had a small smirk on his face. “Too scary, huh?” 

  You turned red, “Sh- shut up.” He placed another kiss on your head.

  “Wanna just cuddle instead?” He gained a nod from you has you both got comfortable in each other’s arms. Every now and then, Connor would kiss your head, while you would either kiss his chest or jaw. This went on for awhile until finally, you both drifted off into sleep.

  When Cynthia got home from her yoga class, she went up to Connor’s room to check on him. The car was in the driveway, so she’d known that he skipped classes again. Much to her surprise, she saw Connor and (Y/N) cuddled up together in a peaceful sleep. She almost gasped when she saw the content smile that was spread across Connor’s face. 

  Zoe rubbed her eyes as as she left her room to go ask if her mom could make her some tea that she always made when her kids were sick. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw why her mom was standing at the door, taking pictures on her phone while tears streamed down her face. “He’s happy, Zoe.” Cynthia said, her voice cracking. “I haven’t seen him smile like that in his sleep since he was three.” 

   Zoe paused, “Do you think he read the diary or do you think she told him?” 

  “I don’t know, but we better tell your father to pick up a congratulations cake on the way home.” 

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Connor Murphy x Reader: Scars

soulmate au where you get scars in the same places as your soulmate

words: 1601

warnings: self harm, swearing, mentions of suicide, somewhat angsty(?)

     Another day, another scar appeared on your wrist. It was normal to you, but it made it still made you worry. You would worry about your soulmate. It started in your early teens, getting more marks on your arms almost on the daily. 

    “Hey (Y/N) it happened again. You got few marks.” Your friend Zoe pointed out. The two of you were in the middle of a Princess Diaries movie marathon at her house. You shrugged, looking down at your wrist. “How can you be so calm knowing that your soulmate is hurting themselves like that?” 

   “They’ve been doing it for awhile, there’s nothing I can do until I meet them. Anyways how’s it going with Evan?”  You changed the topic, hoping to make her drop it. You knew how much she liked to talk about Evan. 

   Zoe turned a bright crimson, “It’s going really good. He asked if he and his friends can sit with us at lunch. I said yes, I hope that’s okay...” She looked down at her lap and said more softly, “I’m really happy he’s mine.”  

   “I know, I’m glad you guys finally realized you were soulmates. I could see that even without your scars.” You smiled to her and returned to watching your movie.

   You were getting ready to head home when there was a loud thump followed by a “fuck”. Zoe and Mr. Murphy quickly rushed you out to the car so they could drive you home before he got worse.

---

  Connor was mad at himself. He couldn’t stop the bleeding coming from his arms. Normally it would stop not long after he cleansed his cuts, but today it just wasn’t stopping. He lost his temper and threw his copy of Fahrenheit 451 across the room and shouted, “Fuck”  in frustration. He threw himself into his bed, flipping the covers over his head. He sighed and drifted into sleep, hoping that in the morning it will have stopped. 

---

  Lunch rolled around before you knew it, and you headed to your table where Zoe, Evan, and someone who you assumed to be Evan’s friend were already sitting. You took a seat, and tried to process the conversation that was going on. “And then I was like, ‘I love your new haircut, it’s very school shooter chic’  and he went off on me like some sort of freak.” 

   “Yeah he’s a psychopath, I’m sorry.” Zoe apologized, “He was super cranky this morning too, like crankier than usual.” Zoe then noticed your presence, “Hey (Y/N)!”  

   “Hi Zoe, hi Evan. Who’s this?” You questioned, motioning to the dark haired guy with glasses. 

   He perked up, “I’m Jared, but you can call me your next boyfriend.” 

  “Got any scars?”  You asked, motioning to his arms.

   “No but who cares about that silly soulmate stuff when you could have a-” 

   You held your hands up to stop him. “Not interested, who are we talking about?”  Trying to shift the conversation from Jared’s awkward flirting, you decided to ask about the strange conversation. 

   “Just my brother,”  Zoe rubbed her temples trying to calm herself, “He pushed Evan down earlier too.”  

    Evan started to ramble, “Oh it’s fine, but not like I like getting pushed down kind of fine. I don’t like getting pushed down- I’m not some kind of masochist or something. I don’t like pain, I hate pain-” He stopped himself to the catch his breath. 

   “Zoe, are you sure he’s okay? He seemed to be having a rough time last night. He didn’t even come down to tell us to shut up.” 

    She rolled her eyes, “Connor’s fine.” 

   “As fine as a freak can be.” Jared laughed. “Guy seriously has issues.” As if on a cue, Connor was walking past when Jared was talking. When he approached you caught a slight metallic scent.

    “Oh, so you saw me come in and decided to start trashing me again so I’d get angry, well it’s not going to work. I’m not a freak, you’re the freak,” His eyes grew clouded with frustration as he stormed off. 

   Conflicted, you excused yourself and followed out to the taller Murphy sibling. You weaved through the halls, following the footsteps. You turned the corner and the footsteps stopped, but Connor was nowhere in sight. You looked around and failed to find him. You walked out the nearest exit and leaned against the wall, sinking to the ground with a sigh. 

   “Oh great, you came after me to make more fun of me. Well go ahead, give me your worst.” A familiar voice said filled with irritation. You looked up to see Connor Murphy’s face, almost filled with sadness? “It’s the last chance you’ll get anyways.” 

   Shocked, your eyes widened, “Connor, what do you mean last chance?” 

  “I mean it all ends tonight, I don’t have to deal with this harassment, and the world won’t need to deal with me anymore.” He chipped at his black nail polish.

  “Connor-” 

  “Don’t ‘Connor’ me.” He said, using a high-pitched nasally voice to imitate yours when he said his name. “It doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t care anyways, I’ve never been nice to you. All you know me for is screaming at you and Zoe to shut up when you have your movie marathons.” 

  “Connor, we both know that’s not all I know you from-” 

   “Right I forgot to mention that when you stay over for dinner you get to witness me yelling at my parents.”  He uncomfortably shifted, “See, you really won’t be missing anything once I’m gone. Everyone’s lives will be better without me.”  

   “Connor shut up and listen to me, God damn it!” You shrieked, trying to get a word in. He shrank and looked at you like he was a kicked puppy. “Connor, don’t you remember that one time when Zoe and I were ten and you were eleven?” He blankly stared at you, “Zoe and I were playing tag and I tripped over and scraped right above my temple. You’re parents weren’t home and we couldn’t reach the band aids or anything. I thought I was going to die of blood loss.”  

   “I remember,” Connor said, a smile starting to form, “Zoe went to the neighbor to get some, but the lady offered her cookies and she couldn’t resist. I found you crying in the bathroom, you really did think you were going to die. I got the band aids down and cleaned up your forehead for you.” 

   “Mhm, and I was still crying because when I got hurt my mom would always kiss them better. I didn’t think I was going to get better if she didn’t kiss it better.”

   Connor turned beet red, recalling the next part, he sheepishly scratched his head, “So I, uhm, I,” he lowered his head and mumbled, “I kissed it to make it better.” 

    “I stopped crying almost immediately.”  

    “I bet you regret that now.” He pushed his hair back and laughed, “Now you’d probably start crying if I kissed you- er, I mean if I tried to kiss a wound,”  

    Your eyes widened as you caught a glimpse of a scar above his right temple, exactly where yours was. You felt your scar, almost as you were making sure you still had a scar there, “Connor,” you put your hand on his arm and rolled up his sleeves to reveal his arm covered in scars, “You,” you motioned to your arm and forehead scar, “Did you know?” He nodded, “How long have you known?” 

   “Since that day...”  He pulled his sleeve back down.

   “Why didn’t you tell me?”  

   “You would’ve been disappointed. Heck, you probably are. Sorry you got left with a freak like me.” 

   “Connor,” You started, “I’m not disappointed that you’re my soulmate.” 

   “Bullshit. You’re face says it all.”

    “I’m not disappointed that you’re my soulmate, I’m disappointed that you hurt yourself so much. I’m disappointed that you felt that way. I’m disappointed that you want to-. Am I not good enough for you? You knew, and you still planned to- to kill yourself?” 

    Connor gaped at your saddened form, the tears forming in your eyes, the sincerity in your voice. “God, no.” He took a step towards you and wrapped you in a big hug. “That’s not it at all. God, no. I-,I didn’t tell you because I was afraid. But I-, you can do so much better than me, soulmate or not. You’d be able to date anyone you want to.” 

  “I doubt that. And even if I could I don’t want to.” You looked down, “I’ve liked you way before I knew this. You know I gushed for years about you to Zoe.” 

  “Really? God, you must think I’m the worst soulmate ever, leaving you with scars all over the place, planning on committing suicide, knowing and not telling you.” 

  “Connor it’s okay, I get it. We’re going to figure this out together.” You hugged back, “That is if you plan to stick around with me...” You looked up into his eyes.

    A sudden rush hit you as Connor’s lips crashed against yours, you kissed back and your lips moved together as time seemed to stop in place. As you separated he looked down to you with a small grin, “As long as I can keep doing that.” You answered by pressing your lips back against his. “Then what kind of man would I be if I said no to my soulmate.” He said with a cheesy smile, “I’m so happy you aren’t disappointed.”

   “I’m so happy that I found you when I did.” You muttered burying your head in his chest.