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This blog is Dedicated to anyone suffering from Anxiety! Please Follow Us if You Can Relate: ANXIETYPROBLEMS

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At one point I finally became brave enough to suck at getting fit.

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I remember thinking to myself. My psychologist isn’t helping me, so I went to my psychiatrist and asked her to recommend me a good psychologist. I changed and booked an appointment. I remember going a week later thinking to myself. I hope this helps. On the second session my new psychologist pulled out a list of the characteristics of adult children who had alcoholic parents. This shook me to the core. I saw myself reflected on the list. I was shocked, but relieved because I had an explanation. I remember taking the list home and analyzing every point on it. Then I asked myself how can I actively make changes each day to become a better person. That’s when true healing started happening. The hardest part was changing my belief system and becoming independent. It wasn’t till I truly wanted to change that things started getting better. With effort from my part and help from my therapist I became happier and stable.

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Types of self-sabotage

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Just feeling bleh

I'm on my way to work this morning and I am just not feeling it. I've been working at my agency for a year now and I feel like I'm in the same position I was in when I started. I do not have true experience as a practicing clinician and it is troubling me. This is not where I saw myself when I graduated with a MSW. I have to figure something out. I don't want the skills I did learn to fade away and I have nothing to show for after accumulating thousand of student debt.

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Have you ever mindlessly go to work? It's so routine that you do not even notice.

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Just ran into a cute guy that volunteered at my organization at the neighborhood grocery store. Caught me completely off-guard. Luckily, I didn’t dress like a bum. Due to my awkwardness, I just started putting random things in my basket... while trying to make small talk. I have this thing where I through relation-bombs in a conversation. If anything you say relates to something I might have experience, I’ll throw in how it relates to me with out any context. Example of what happened today...

Cute Guy’s Roommate:“Oh, I just interned at Auburn and Gresham.”

Me: “Oh, I just moved from around there.”

CGR: “Yeah, I was just at [insert school name]” *look at me to react* 

Me: ”Oh sorry, I did not live there long, So I have no clue where that’s at.”

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A client made me cry last week. He was so disrespectful while I was facilitating a treatment group. He was a mandated client and outwardly showing that he was not interested in the subject matter

He made me feel like the youngest staff on my team...well I am, but I never felt that way until then. I see how he interacts with other staff members and he's normal. Maybe, that's just how I perceive things. I don't really have evidence that this is sho...

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Since my official graduation from my Masters of Social Work program in Aug 2018, a lot has changed for me. The organization I completed 10 months of my field placement hired me as the Director of Volunteer Programs and after another 10 months, I received somewhat of a promotion to become the Director of Intern Programs.  This is one of the most important programs of my organization. It’s basically the cogs in the whole operation! 

I was nervous of course! I’m the youngest on the staff at my organization. However, I saw how the intern program was being handled and I felt like I had to step in! I care for the program so much, it feels as though I owed it to myself to make it the best program possible. I can relate to the future interns and I can also explain its experience better to prospectives. 

I am still socially awkward of course. In fact, today I lead the orientation for the new cohort and every part of me felt awkward. My coworkers advised me to relax and put more confidence into my voice and posture. Man, is that asking a lot! I think it went well, but I decided to send a survey monkey with the results being annonymous. I feel as though I need the harsh criticism (if any). How am I expected to grow, if I do not experience any?!?! 

I also moved out of my parent’s apartment and found my own studio a bit north of Chicago. Its a drastic difference from where I once lived. It is also the first time I am truly by myself. I am not on a college campus where I can visit a friend when I feel lonely. I now have to occupy my time and space, by myself. It feels like a great step towards being comfortable and happy alone. I must admit, there are times where I feel very lonely, but I’m reclaiming those moments and am doing productive things. I think I will be alright. 

This is a random update post. It seems like I will post on my blog a bit more often, now that I have time. 

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Steps to Letting go of Painful Memories

1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what has happened, in order to move on.

2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson – so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better – but it does lessen its power.

3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by painful memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”

4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often – till you mean it– then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when the old memories return.

5. Seek to be a person who’s a peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.

6. When the past tries to intrude focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply - and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; you’re not living in the past.

7. Forgive – for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. You may need some help with this – but it is worth the daily struggle. It is a powerful tool for moving forward, and being free.

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It’s Okay to Advocate for Yourself too!