softballersblog

[softballersblog]

Hello Love!

It’s been a year since I felt this very special feelings.

I’d like to thank you for everything that you have done to make me feel better everyday.

This world may be too loud but when I’m with you everything seems so peaceful.

You’ve ask me several times about what I feel towards you and how it started.

To tell you about it, your one simple kindness lightens up someone’s world.

You showed me every single day.

I couldn’t help myself but to appreciate your love and attention.

It makes me happy to see you smile.

But most of all you have open a deeper connection in to my life. You have taught me be more faithful to God and trust how I feel.

If only you know how much I pray for your happiness that if it wasn’t me I am still grateful that you have found it.

Beyond anything else, thank you for opportunity to grow with you. We argue a lot of times but you remain a great person. You value the love that we share.

I love you so much! Always 🤍

[softballersblog]

So I might leave this place soon but the memories will remain the same.

[softballersblog]

Hi bestie!

You made it to my 2023. A little time but I think we shared so much love and devotion on things we wanted to in life.

I love it when you appreciate the clouds and being supportive on the things that makes our life brighter.

On these cold nights, please grab your blanket and have a good sleep. I know you’re always tired and may you get the energy you been asking.

I’m always down whenever you wanted. But hate this heart of mine mixing things up it’s just a friend or I would mind at all asking.

[softballersblog]

Dear you,

How long has it been? Are we both thinking that if we never cut the relationship it would be doing okay by now? After that day all my prayers has been all for you, that without me you’ll be okay and I guess it all work out.

There are too many reasons why am in the middle of letting go right now. I can’t moved thinking that this feelings will never be the same with anyone.

I’m always wanting this to fade away.

My heart is still closed and when it open again, I hope it’s fully healed.

[softballersblog]

Sometimes you just have to spend for yourself to be okay.

[softballersblog]

Let’s have coffee together :)

[softballersblog]

I’m back at it. Life is full again.

[softballersblog]

when sober?

Another bottle pop up.  We shared the same story that never ends. The morning after is a hangover.  Medicine in my pocket tick after a shake of an iced coffee.  I wonder what I’m looking for cause when the sundown you called again. 

[softballersblog]

Dear you

You started following me again on social media.  Do you want me to feel that I am such a looser? Because you’re happy with someone else now? I am weak every time I see you on my feed. I’m still hurt and this weird feelings keep hunting me. I get it you are beautiful and all I can ever think about is that I can't move on with this stupid heartbreak unless I found someone. That someone who is just a truly gonna fall in love no matter what is their appearance. 

Thank you for making me realize that I am weak and I need to survive each day on our memories tangled in my brain, In which all of these things made me who I am today. Strong and willing to serve myself first, 

[softballersblog]

30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 3: Write about someone who inspires you. 

I don’t  want my life to be predictable, that’s why I don’t want to name you. You’re not a great person, well of you are not actually but then y’all inspires me to strive alone in my own strength and direction. Writing to you guys is fun and this is not a revenge plan. I just want to pour myself with freedom.  I am belittle by your presence and I will always be because you guys how me how loser I am. To tell you, dumping me makes me inspire you. A negative energy that comes from you creates positive energy to me. 

[softballersblog]

30 Day writing Challenge

Day 3: What are you top three pet peeves. 

1. Not focusing on the food or the group conversation instead I’m scrolling nonsense on my phone. 

2. Hoarding memories from the people who dumped me already. 

3.Making plans without executing them. 

[softballersblog]

30 Days Writing Challenge

Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forget. 

When I first read this topic I couldn’t think about anything or something. I am the person who never take so much compliment or something good that I would remember. Honestly I really wanted to skip but it makes me inconsistent. So think harder and harder as I really could, but still nothing. See I’m just a regular type of person. 

After a while sitting here alone at work, I may have think of something. I’m a woman 5 feet tall and always go home late. The one thing that they told me was I am so brave. Brave enough to live alone in the city, eat in the restaurant, going out in the grocery and traveling in other places. Some other think that being alone is lonely but I guess I enjoy being accompanied by own goofiness and vibe rather than out with some called friends. And if I am with someone I always find solitude, my inner peace and all I ever wanted to listen is the noise in my headphones.   Yes I am brave for being alone but I also have fears that someday I’ll die alone too.

[softballersblog]

30 Day Writing Challenge

I saw this challenge on Pinterest and it really looks interesting so I decided to give it a try and see how consistent I am.

Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy.

1. A Morning Run. Since I began work, I also stop being a morning person becuase of my body fueled with caffiene and all those energy boosters to sustain my day in work I sleep most of the nights late. But here I am now trying to make me better and pulling myself to wake up at 5 am everyday even at weekends.

2. Cats. I have an allergy and as a matter of fact my maintenance medicine cost so much. I love cats like I could hug them all day and suffer afterwards.

3. Coffee. Smell and taste of that dashing aroma makes me fall in love with coffee everyday. I could drink 3 times a day.

4. TV sitcoms and series. Friends, Bigbang thoery and How I met your mother save me from being bored during qaurantine days. In fact I binge until 5 am in the morning.

5. Books. I dont't have much money to buy books so I'm glad that I can read and download it on my phone.

6. Listening to music. I can basically listen to them all day. The 1975, 5 Seconds of Summer, Taylor Swift, Avicii and other indie pop rock. Don't judge me by my song choice and they rules.

7. Going out for a nature trip. I hike during weekends with my friends and it's cool tho becuse I really love the environment that creates positivity and the vibes with the person I go along with was purely nice. It feels like it's awesome to be some place where you can breath entirely natural.

8. Taking photos. I am narcissitic, probably could take 100 selfies all day and won't post them becuase I felt ugly afterwards. What makes fun and love taking photos is when I just saw something very unsual with the place, moods and vibes.

9.Twitter and Tumblr. So the only social media that makes me feel free all the time is Twiiter and Tumblr. Thanks to you guys and to my 3k followers on Twitter. Don't blame me for tweeting how miserable my day at work becuase it really sucks.

10. Blackpink. I never thought that I could be more happier again after my last break up. Being miserable and single gives me a lot of anxiety. Why I am being so hard on myself being single anyways? Oh yeah probably becuase all of my friends are in relationship. Gladly I open my eyes, ears and heart to Blackpink which I never expected to fall in love with. I felt crazy about them and watch all of thier videos without subtitle.

[softballersblog]

Dear You,

Dear You,

I opened my phone at 2 am I wasn't expecting anything a text or notifications coming from you. Yeah, it's been a long time and I'm learning to let it go. Old habit that keeps hunting me everyday, I could laugh,I could eat but most of the time I cry. Feels like I'm just lost on the same place I found myself the happiest, in your heart but it's only in my mind. I am restless with all the thoughts that keeps bugging me off. This feeling keeps running inside my head and I should probably step backward or move forward right? It's hard when I left with the words I can't deal on my own. It hurts and the wound a year ago was still fresh. I'm all fragile and vulnerable in love but trust me I can be so numb by the others who showed so much concerns. I left them all for the sake of any chances I could grab when you give me. Nothings clear I wish I could be gone.

[softballersblog]

Dear You, 

It’s holiday season again and here I am feeling lost. If I could remember, this is the second Christmas I’m celebrating alone, well I wasn’t really celebrating. I just drink myself to sleep just to forget how horrible holidays are, for me. As I know days in December really gives me a lot of anxiety to remember  especially the first time I wasn’t home celebrating new year because I was on street on the way home. I missed the chance to greet my family and love ones. The second one was when my father hospitalized and I spent the entire holiday season in his side. I can see that the spirit of Christmas is dead and I’ve got nothing to do about it.I can’t show my tears that time because I have to appear as strong to  my family but it makes me numb that I can’t even  feel the essence of the holiday. 

In year 2016,a  month before Christmas I met you, we talk, we laugh and we reveal our love for each other. My perception about holidays began to change as I am longing for a free time to see you. We made it happen, we spend time as much as possible but you are miles away and we cost each other a lot of money and sacrifices to make.  December 24th is our anniversary, I am so sorry because I am so dumb not taking a flight to see you. I just keep myself busy and forget about it. You began to get cold and colder as in the midst  of year 2018 you are asking for a break up. I said yes to that, I can think of myself selfish of saying yes. I stand with my decision and cry but you ask for another chance to fix things.

 It’s our  second anniversary so I decided to spend it in your place. I book flight and here I am with you, just like holidays in December you are so cold. By February 2019 I take you in the airport for you vacation without me. I cry in the bus, I’m so stupid and I came to my friends drinking for  a post Valentines day celebration. A days past by I told you to let me go. I wasn’t selfish that time, I just show her the way out of my toxic life. I’d unfollow you in all of my social media accounts. My friends been telling  me that you are happy and I’m glad to hear. There is no single hesitation or regret about that decision,to let you go. All on me and my immature concept of relationship. 

I maybe living in the coldness of this holiday but one day love can be the greatest gift I can received. All I wish this Christmas was pure happiness even we are back to being stranger. <3

[softballersblog]

Here I am again, posting what I feel. It's gonna be a long journey to survive this covid but we don't know yet if we are just starting or in the midst or maybe we're almost gonna knock it off. I'm not okay again, the last time I feel better was taking a rapid test and showed negative. I was relieved knowing that in my previous blogs I talked about symptoms that I feel related to covid but maybe it was just part of overthinking and anxiety. Right now I feel that dilemma again and I'd been so reckless for the last few weeks. I don't know what to do and I couldn't take any covid test because it cost too much. The longer I feel this symptoms the more I lose myself of depression. It's so hard living alone with the falling mental state. It's part of being a human person whether you gave in or keep going. What I have right now is the will to live my life, i don't want everyone to worry about me. I thank my family even though they're too far from me I can feel their embrace. All I need right now is a strong heart filled with enthusiasm to continue living despite of all the challenges may come in this journey. I hope you do the same.

[softballersblog]

Dear You,

I opened my phone at 2 am I wasn't expecting anything a text or notifications coming from you. Yeah, it's been a long time and I'm learning to let it go. Old habit that keeps hunting me everyday, I could laugh,I could eat but most of the time I cry. Feels like I'm just lost on the same place I found myself the happiest, in your heart but it's only in my mind. I am restless with all the thoughts that keeps bugging me off. This feeling keeps running inside my head and I should probably step backward or move forward right? It's hard when I left with the words I can't deal on my own. It hurts and the wound a year ago was still fresh. I'm all fragile and vulnerable in love but trust me I can be so numb by the others who showed so much concerns. I left them all for the sake of any chances I could grab when you give me. Nothings clear I wish I could be gone.