softyservey

[softyservey]

real pathetic when you fawn over literally anyone whos shown you any general acknowledgment.

first the girl who waved me through in the parking structure and then the girl sitting next to me in the library that asked me to watch her stuff?? wow

[softyservey]

i think i fell in love with someone i met in a dream. it’s funny because likely by tomorrow i probably won’t remember her.

she was mostly a voice, a soft and sweet voice. quiet and soft and caring. i can’t remember what that voice sounded like, even now, right after waking.

we met on omegal of all places, i haven’t thought of that site in year, but there i was and there she was, and she was a voice with a small and grainy photo. She was light and organized and gentle and perfect. she countered all the dark and bad and scared energy i was feeling. i felt safe with her, i stood in the dark and i talked with her and i felt safe with her.

and then i woke up and i have this idea that if i got on omegle that i could find her. that if i tried i could find her and speak with her, and pretend that we didn’t meet in a dream first. it’s silly but it’s true. I don’t know why i’m writing this i just am, and even now i barely remember her or how she made me feel. She exists no where but these words, but at least she exists somewhere now

[softyservey]

been a while since i wanted to kill myself like genuinly wanting to kill my self.

i know there’s nothing wrong with me so why don’t i have anyone in my life that gives a shit about me. why do i have to be so goddamn lonely. i had this shit staved off all summer, but then you left back for washington and i’m alone and you’re too busy for me and i get it but i just wish i had friend. i like to pretend i have friends but when do they ever text me or see me or reply to me. i just want to feel like i’m not alone yet i have so much fucking anxiety that i can’t even meet people.

[softyservey]

you know when you turn off the music and it’s just you alone with your thought in the middle of the night like YIKEs

[softyservey]

woke up in a good mood! an hour and a half later it’s back to being sad hours. literally nothing is happening but i’m feeling the sudden urge to just cry but i can’t

[softyservey]

[softyservey]

i wish i could feel something fuck i only get sad and even then it’s just barely sad like i only get the bad emotions and they’re just barely there.

sometimes i want to grovel for you to come back but if you did i don’t even know if i want you back. what would i do with you. i don’t love you anymore so get the fuck out of my head. it’s been months. 4 months, 5 months get out of my head for one day just one day

[softyservey]

yo dawg i’m so sad

[softyservey]

i stomped on the treadmill so hard, i kicked it, i trashed on it. my house was silent, my family asleep, i wonder if they heard me, no doubt they did, i wonder why they didn’t care

[softyservey]

this blog is the unpersonified version of a friend you only go to with troubles

the friend who knows you, and knows youre using them 

but stays anyway with a fake smile 

going to closer friends and complaining about me 

going to closer friends and showing how much they dont actually care

this blog probably knows

and i probably know

it is a used friend, a pretend friend, a therapy friend 

because i could never do this to a real person  

[softyservey]

[softyservey]

[softyservey]

paranoia has absolutely no damn logic its like youre enjoying yourself, listening to some nice music and chilling then suddenly man door hand hook car door

[softyservey]

[softyservey]

tfw you pick up a Gay Novel TM at the library but upon reading it discover its all about being gay and how hard tm it is but you already graduated this level of beginners gay and youre mad bc you cant find Advanced Gay literature

[softyservey]

plant studies from bf’s parents garden 

[softyservey]

run away in the middle of the night. You don’t belong here. Abandon everything you have and run to where you need to be. Nobody will miss you, nob ody gives a shit abou you