repeat after me:
virginity is a social construct
you don’t lose your virginity
there’s nothing valuable or precious about virginity, it’s an imaginary concept
virginity is inherently heterocentric
your worth is not defined by whether or not you’ve had a dick inside you
what you define as sex is up to you, you get to decide how many people you’ve had sex with
the end
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You called me today and I picked up. I said nothing though, and you just said hello. I hung up shortly after. I haven't deleted you from my phone so when your name lit up I knew it was you calling me. Hearing your voice was painful. I knew I couldn't speak to you without losing it completely, so I just hung up. Maybe you think I deleted you and didn't know you was you, but I know your number off by heart anyway, so that's hopeless.
I sometimes wonder if you come on my blog just to see if I wrote anything about you. I have to admit, I would do that if you didn't delete yours. If you do see these posts please don't text me or message me about them. Treat them as if they were written by a stranger, like they have no relevance to you at all. Maybe when I find a voice that doesn't break when I think of you, I will find the words to speak to you. But right now I can't think of a single thing I would say without feeling crushed, so I'll stay silent and as distant as possible.
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I still haven't slept. Maybe I should get some sleeping pills or something. To be honest, I'm scared to fall asleep because I'm terrified of dreaming about her. I'm not talking about a nightmare where we fight and break up, that is what I am already living, I'm talking about the sweetest dream where we are in love and everything is perfect. Waking up and being thrown back into reality after a perfect dream like that would be pure torture, that is what a real nightmare is.
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