sogno-ao3

[sogno-ao3]

I've been lately inspired by F1, and last night I wrote a few paragraphs and an outline for what I thought would be a fun romp, 10 chapters or under, more romantic fantasizing than reality. but then as I thought about it more today, I couldn't shake the feeling that it seemed disingenuous not to properly address socioeconomic issues.

am I just unable to have fun anymore???

if I do end up sticking to this intrepid project, I think I will try to address socioeconomic status in a meaningful way, but I am determined to keep the spirit to as fun a romp as possible. I can't let it turn into a Still Waters Saga Part II: F1 (and take another 6 years to finish).

honestly, this could really just end up like the Pedro Pascal piece I wrote, which I had planned on writing 2 more chapters for. after life got busy, my interest dropped off and never recovered, so I called it a day, marked it as complete, though the "ending" is rather abrupt.

my instinct for this new piece was to do a shifting omniscient third person perspective in the present tense. what gives me the most problem is the omniscient part-- even when I write third person, the perspective is usually limited. even Mollie in the first person is limited.

I often think this is a weakness of mine, that I am not good at writing emotion. there's definitely a happy medium between writing out the emotion, and showing the emotion through a character's actions. I think I've been too scarred by earlier writer teachers and English teachers who emphasized "show don't tell." People learning to write are often too direct, but now I have the opposite problem.

[sogno-ao3]

alternative first kiss snippets

the first kiss (ch. 56) went through many iterations. here are some more fully formed snippets of prose that I wrote as I workshopped different versions. enjoy! so curious to hear any thoughts if you have them 🫣

#1: the first version

A/N: This was written very early on, I would guess 2020-2021. I was still developing characters, so at this point, there was not even a wedding for May. As I came closer to the actual kiss chapter, I realized how I had written their feelings was at odds with how I had been developing the main relationship, so I tossed this out and started anew. But I did keep the tension in how Mollie addresses him (here, "Mr. Shelby" and "Tommy"; in the actual chapter, "Thomas" and "Tommy").

I had gone back to my parents for the time being. I kept myself busy, helping them with their shop, cleaning up loose threads before I left. At night, I could not sleep much. I thought about him, and the small smiles he had once given me on occasion. I missed him, but I knew that was inevitable. I would be leaving. 

On one afternoon, I went to the docks to fetch some new bolts of sample fabric from India. I saw Thomas heading back from The Cut, and I immediately turned down a side street before he saw me. I kept time for five minutes, to be sure that I would not see him at all when I emerged from the side street. 

After the five minutes, I peeked around the corner, but Thomas had stayed, and he had spotted me. He was heading towards me, striding quickly. I walked quickly away, but he caught me by the arm, pulling me into a darker alley, where there was no one. 

He released my arm. 

"Mr. Shelby," I said. His eyes flashed. 

"Tommy," he said. "Don't make me correct you again." 

I was silent. 

"I can't stop thinking about you. I want you, even if you're going to leave me," he said. 

That irrational desire to be loved, even if only for a fleeting moment. Even I could feel its pull. I wavered for a moment, and Thomas knew. 

I felt the soft crush of his lips on mine, and our breaths quickening. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip, coaxing it open, coaxing more open-mouthed kisses. His lips lapped mine, his tongue reaching in gently to touch mine. I gasped, and the spell was broken. 

"I know that you feel it too," he said, his eyes with a strange glimmer. He kissed me again, all-consuming, my breath against his, pressing his body against mine. I touched the side of his face, my fingertips brushing the soft undercut of his hair. 

"I can't stop thinking about you as well," I said. "I… wondered if things could turn out differently, but…"

#2: Mollie's bathrobe is a paid actor

A/N: Close readers will notice a lot of lines that are verbatim or very similar to the published chapter because I had written this passage very close to the actual publishing of the chapter. In this snippet, the kiss happens at Tommy's house rather than at the wedding. I thought my premise of having Tommy help her find the earring rather romantic until I realized I MENTIONED IN A PRIOR CHAPTER MOLLIE DID NOT HAVE PIERCED EARS (good job, me, good job). That aside, I thought it would be odd if they were to go home together-- she'd presumably ask for the night off, and it's one thing for Mollie to "work" at Tommy's house but quite another to attend a formal gathering and leave with him. So I didn't quite buy having this scene in Tommy's house immediately following the wedding... and lastly, this scene was a little too steamy for their relationship at that point. Fun aside, I originally intended the wedding to be Tommy & Mollie's public debut as a couple (lol). That sounds so silly now now that I think about it because I would have had to write their slow burn a whole lot faster if so. The wedding is still a debut of sorts-- introducing a possible coupling that would previously be unthinkable.

Still in my robe, I started to tidy up, because I had come from the wedding straight to Thomas' house, and now had a plethora of items that would not normally be there. I folded my dress into a box, and started to place my jewelry into another small box. However, I noticed one of the earrings' backs was missing. It must have rolled from the table onto the floor.

I dropped down to the floor, feeling slowly around on the carpet with my hands. 

There was a rap at the door. 

"Come in," I called. 

"What are you doing?" Thomas said, stepping into the room. He was in his bedclothes, his hair still drying, some moisture still on the nape of his neck. 

"I'm looking for an earring," I said. He also sank to his knees next to me, helping me search. After a few seconds, he held up something small and metal between his fingers. 

"This?" 

I opened my palm. "Yes, thank you, Tommy," I said. He dropped the earring back into my hands. His eyes strayed from my hands to my shoulder, and I became suddenly aware that my robe had fallen off my shoulder. Before I could react, he reached towards me, pulling the robe firmly back over my shoulder again, the faint brush of his fingers across my collarbone sending shivers deep inside me. He didn't withdraw, leaning slightly towards me even as his hand returned to his side.

I stood up, putting the earring back into the box, but when I turned towards him again, he still was on the floor, kneeling. His eyes were unfocused, and he bit his lower lip. 

"What can I do?" 

I felt the magnetic pull, my hand resting on his face, stroking his cheek. I could feel a small sigh, as he nestled into my hand, closing his eyes. Perhaps, just this one time, this one night, after everything, before everything. 

"What can I do to make you come closer?" 

"I'm right here with you," I murmured. 

"At least for this one night, I could pretend that those smiles were all for me. That I could stir something in you, even a little," Thomas said. He licked his lower lip, opening his eyes again. 

"Thomas…" I was unsure of what I could say in return. 

"This distance, even in a name," he said, and despite the fiery warmth coming from the fireplace, I could feel his sadness trickling down my spine, slowly, coldly. I had slipped by calling him that name. 

"I always knew that there was this wall, the wall that I also contributed to, and I'm so sorry for that, but I…" He cradled my hand in his, and I sank down to my knees to join him on the floor. I could not meet his eyes, and I felt limp. He moved my hand to his lips, kissing the sensitive palm delicately before dropping both of our hands to his lap. 

"I still fell in love with you," he said. I felt his hand on my jaw, tilting my face gently. I was not prepared to hear this confession, to see those light blue eyes, muddied and pooling in the darkness. 

"What can I do?" he whispered, his fingers light on my face, as if he were afraid to press any further. He leaned forward, but he then stopped himself, worry clouding his face. "What do you want, Mollie? Please, tell me." 

I bridged the distance between us, feeling his open mouth on mine, frozen in surprise for a second before responding, but I pulled away in that moment. It was short, but I could feel both of us thrumming with adrenaline as we stared at each other, not quite believing what had happened. 

That moment ended as suddenly as it had begun, as he leaned towards me again, all hesitancy gone. But the kiss was slow, languorous, and exploratory, his tongue teasing across my lower lip. His hands tangled in my damp hair, as we fell to the floor. I could feel his weight, that heat, through the bathrobe. 

It felt so strange; I would have expected something rougher, more bitter, but this was gentle and slow, overcome with a longing, as if he wanted to preserve this moment. He kissed my upper lip, and his lower lip plush in between mine, and somehow, I knew to lightly bite. The reaction was immediate: I could hear that control fade, a moan stifled in his throat, his breaths coming faster.

[sogno-ao3]

musings

I'm really glad that ch. 61 is out, because the next two chapters I've been workshopping for ages and will end this current arc.

whenever I have an idea, even if the plot points change later, I usually write it out, either as a few bullet points or fully written snippets. later when I sit down to write, I usually work from these ideas and condense it into a coherent chapter. right now, I have about 9 pages' worth of ideas for these 2 chapters, which honestly I'm surprised by. my goodness-- I'll definitely post some of the snippets as bonus content.

speaking of which, I think we're far enough away from the initial kiss scene-- I'll post one to two ideas that didn't make it to the final version.

[sogno-ao3]

still waters, ch. 61

ch. 61: blood // entire work

summary: I'm a seamstress at a local shop that Mr. Thomas Shelby frequents. I see bits and pieces into his life, until one day, I can't close my eyes anymore, and I see it all.

pairing: Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)

rating: e (explicit scenes to follow; no scenes currently)

additional tags: slow burn, chinese character, coming of age, season one, feminist themes, first person, eventual explicit, character study, mental health issues, ptsd, introverts

words: 105,621

selected passage from ch. 61:

"Is it true?" I whispered.

His eyes met mine, and I could see that he had also been trying to calm the turbulence, trying to plan his next move, glimpses of sadness fleeting across his empty facade.

The glimpses faded away, and he was master again.

[sogno-ao3]

big news... I've finished writing it! now I just need to edit it and it'll be up sooooooon

I really agonized over this chapter, because it's a lot of action and 99% of what I write is introspective angsty romance........... lol @ me for picking an action-based fandom

the next chapter is coming, I promise.

[sogno-ao3]

the next chapter is coming, I promise.

[sogno-ao3]

hi! i haven’t submitted an ask since middle school but i love ur fic so much i simply must. as a fiber arts enthusiast i love molly’s constant fabric analysis. anyway, all the yearning reminds me of my favorite song lover you should’ve come over, esp these lyrics - my body turns/and yearns for a sleep that wont ever come/it’s never over/my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder/all my riches for her smiles/when i slept so soft against her… she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

aww thanks for stopping by! I always appreciate any ask, even if it’s just a emoji ❤️ 

what an apropos song, the lyrics “too young to hold on / and too old to just break free and run” also really resonate!

[sogno-ao3]

big things happening, I decided to finally flip the rating from M to E with today's chapter in anticipation of...

[sogno-ao3]

still waters, ch. 60

ch. 60: despair // entire work

summary: I'm a seamstress at a local shop that Mr. Thomas Shelby frequents. I see bits and pieces into his life, until one day, I can't close my eyes anymore, and I see it all.

pairing: Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)

rating: e (explicit scenes to follow; no scenes currently)

additional tags: slow burn, chinese character, coming of age, season one, feminist themes, first person, eventual explicit, character study, mental health issues, ptsd, introverts

words: 103,392

selected passage from ch. 60:

"Ah, so you do remember me? Last time we met, Tommy, ten years ago… you were confident, eager to recover whatever you could from the dregs of your family's name. But you've sunk back into the depths, my dearest Shelby. Everyone has their theories why you've slunk down in despair. Was it the hop? Or perhaps--a more popular theory--was it the war?"

[sogno-ao3]

Likewise so very touched that people showed up to read and comment like I hadn't been awol for such a while 🥹

I've made it a part of my new year's resolution to update Still Waters. Honestly, I can't even believe I started this in February 2020... and here we are in its fifth year. This story has really grown with me and it has strangely been a source of constancy in a sea of change.

I've had a really long relationship with writing... my AO3 account was created in 2014. I've written and deleted countless stories, on AO3, FanFiction.Net, Fictionpress. I also wrote an original novella when I was younger just to prove I could. (It was not good. I removed it last year from Kindle after having it under a pen name for years.) Besides making me retch from my cringey writing style, rereading that work made me realize that I've long been interested in exploring the nuances and interplay between public and private identities... and Still Waters is a milestone in this continuing journey. I'm really excited to finish this story, and to turn the page to another crack at original writing--and I wouldn't be there if it weren't for you all. Thank you and happy new year.

Oh my goodness, I just noticed that I'm getting close to the top of Tommy Shelby / Original Female Character tag by kudos on AO3! That's insane, given that I haven't updated in a while.

To show my gratitude, at a suitable kudos milestone, I will post at least two earlier drafts of their first kiss. They're so very different than the final version! Thank you again so much everyone, you've really inspired me and I'm humbled by your support. ❤️

[sogno-ao3]

still waters, ch. 59

ch. 59: distance // entire work

summary: I'm a seamstress at a local shop that Mr. Thomas Shelby frequents. I see bits and pieces into his life, until one day, I can't close my eyes anymore, and I see it all.

pairing: Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)

rating: m (eventual explicit)

additional tags: slow burn, chinese character, coming of age, season one, feminist themes, first person, eventual explicit, character study, mental health issues, ptsd, introverts

words: 101,970

selected passage from ch. 59:

Each day was the same. When I finally got dressed and sank down onto a light pink upholstered chair in the breakfast nook, I was always served promptly with tea made tableside and a selection of fresh fruit. A small cream-colored menu was neatly tucked into the pristine white napkin, detailing in exquisite calligraphy what the kitchen was preparing that day. Lunch was served at noon, and dinner at six.

[sogno-ao3]

Oh my goodness, I just noticed that I'm getting close to the top of Tommy Shelby / Original Female Character tag by kudos on AO3! That's insane, given that I haven't updated in a while.

To show my gratitude, at a suitable kudos milestone, I will post at least two earlier drafts of their first kiss. They're so very different than the final version! Thank you again so much everyone, you've really inspired me and I'm humbled by your support. ❤️

[sogno-ao3]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well. I just have something to tell you that I thought you might find funny! I had an interview today for a new job that I was very nervous for, so I was pretty frazzled. The interviewer asked me what I like to do in my free time, so I told her I love reading.

She asked me what book I’m currently reading. Well, I just finished a book with “water” in the title and I tried to say that, but my nervous energy made my mind go blank and I blurted out “still waters” instead 🤣 She was like “oh I haven’t heard of that one” 🤭 Haha just thought you might get a kick out of that. Can’t wait for the next chapter!

that is hilarious!!!! I'm so honored that Still Waters has a place in your subconsciousness. you're not the only one--even though I was not under pressure, I couldn't come up with a single recent book I read that I would admit to in a work interview, without taking a look at my Goodreads. sending good vibes for you this new year and for your job search, may it be fruitful and help you advance towards who you want to be ❤️

[sogno-ao3]

Hey Sogno! I hope you are alright. Since I am rereading Still Waters I was wondering if you are still planning to finish the story?

Nevertheless I hope you feel fine (especially regarding the COVID infection) and wish you all the best!

Hi Rosie! Thanks for asking—yes, I 100% plan to finish the story even if I'm very slow about it. One issue is that I still haven't settled on how I want certain scenes to go, whether I think about it, I imagine different things. When that happens I try to read and consume other media to wipe the slate clean.

Since I have some uninterrupted time this Thanksgiving holiday, my plan is to try to finish the next chapter.

[sogno-ao3]

Heya, you alright? Any idea when you're dropping the next chapter?

Cheers and have a great week

In the next few weeks, I hope. 

I started writing it yesterday, and wrote about a third of it. After I posted the last chapter, I unfortunately got COVID which then turned into long COVID where I had fatigue lasting until late August. I’ve been feeling better only very recently, and am trying to pick up where I left off (unfortunately, a mess), so it’s been a little hectic on my end. Thanks for asking!

[sogno-ao3]

tbh ch. 58 is rather boring but necessary, probably a key reason why it took so long for me to finally write! next chapter should be quite fun 🫢

hope you had a good start to the week. mine was quite awful, it can only go up...? I hope!

[sogno-ao3]

still waters, ch. 58

ch. 58: specter // entire work

summary: I'm a seamstress at a local shop that Mr. Thomas Shelby frequents. I see bits and pieces into his life, until one day, I can't close my eyes anymore, and I see it all.

pairing: Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)

rating: m (eventual explicit)

additional tags: slow burn, chinese character, coming of age, season one, feminist themes, first person, eventual explicit, character study, mental health issues, ptsd, introverts

words: 100,685

selected passage from ch. 58:

Outwardly, my life had returned to its neatly tucked-in corners, and Tommy, the Shelbys, and everything about his world, retreated to what they once were, shadows moving silently in the background. Someone who had been so omnipresent in my life was now just merely a silent specter, flickering on the edge of my feverish dreams.