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SQQ x SQH is so funny to me

I love cumplane cause literally nobody would be happy about it.

Sqq and Sqh would rather scratch their own eyes out than admit that they like each other (especially sqq)

Mobei-jun would be jealous af, Luo Binghe would be jealous af and insulted. Shizun chooses Shang Qinghua over him? If it was Liu Qingge, or Liu Mingyan, or the sectleader he at least would sort of understand it, but Shang Qinghua??

Liu Qingge thinks that it could be worse - it could be luo binghe - but there could also be a lot better options (like himself, but he hasn't actually realised that that's what he thinks)

Even the system is unhappy because how are you gonna get transported into a whole new world and then fall for the literally ONLY OTHER TRANSMIGRATOR??? Next time you can just stay in your og world you ungrateful bastard

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Cumplane bonding 💚💙

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weird fic idea: A weird ass cult devoted to the Creator somehow decide that Shen Qingqiu is that Creator and, thus, kidnaps him. They feed him some truth serum and wait, hoping that he spills divine secrets and cosmic wisdom.

Shen Qingqiu, completely confused: "I have no idea why you think I’m some kind of god."

Cultists, gasping: "My Creator, you're so humble!"

Shen Qingqiu: "No, seriously. This is a mistake. Let me go."

Cultists, knowing he's under truth serum: "...?"

The peak lords break in to rescue him just in time for them to hear him accidentally insinuate that, while he was involved in helping form the world, he's not the Creator, Shang Qinghua is.

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i NEED Shang Qinghua fics, where he’s just a bitch. He had fucking beef with everyone for the most petty reasons.

Qi qingqi? That bitch asked to use his water. If you want water go to your own peak!!

Liu qingge? He was such an ass to write, just to get nerfed. Fuck him.

Ming fan? Yeah that’s a fucking brat. Sqh would throw him into a wall if he could.

And I need. NEED! Him to have what seems to be 0 beef with sj.

Shen jiu? Oh he’s not too bad. Barely ever gives me too much paperwork. Barely even talks to me. My favourite to write, so it doesn’t matter that his story got nerfed.

And like, Shen jiu would be so smug. I don’t know how to explain it. Like, yeah, maybe the “other” peak lords don’t like him. But like, Shang Qinghua likes him. And Sqh hates everyone.

The other peak lords are so mad. So mad. This- this- shinxiong of theirs just, like, doesn’t like them. But he likes Shen jiu!! How the fuck is that possible!?

Also, Sqh and sj just gossiping. One of the other peak lords just walk into sqh and sj talking shit about everyone while sj is eating caramel popcorn that Shang Qinghua made, and Shang qinghua is AGGRESSIVELY chewing on Melon seeds. Extra points if that peak lord is mqf and he just get dragged into these weekly shit talks. Because, he’s not that bad.

Oh! And sy and Sqh playing fuck marry kill. That would be hilarious.

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genuinely love the idea of alpha sizhui and jin ling, beta zizhen, and omega jingyi 🙂‍↕️ the way they’d be protective of jingyi, not because they look down on him or anything, but because so many people seems to be attracted by jingyi and his scent. when someone tries hitting up on jingyi, this sends the trio into SHIELD MODE. growling snarling and aggressively scenting him and anything. jingyi is just oblivious and unaware of his charms, it made them feel like they have the responsibility to shoo away possible courting alphas and betas, EVEN OTHER OMEGAS (theyre just jealous)

one time jingyi whined in pain, supposedly as a joke, but his scent gives off a flicker of small distress from him and then the trio’s instincts went haywire. they made sure to soothe the omega as fast as possible, despite jingyi’s confusion.

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Zhuiyi Soulmate au

where ppl have their soulmates given name tattooed on their body at like age ten or smth

Jingyi has 温苑 (Wēn Yuàn) written on him ans hes a little horrified bc at this point hes had like a hundred historical retellings of how awful and terrible the Wen's were and he's bound to one now and also theyre probably dead

He tells himself that he can never show anyone his mark or else thatll be the end of his very short life, then he immediately goes to cry to Sizhui bc ofc he does

Sizhui, who got his mark a year or so prior and was patiently waiting for Jingyis to come so they can idk frolic into the sunset or whatever kids think

so hes just going through the motions comforting Jingyi but on the inside hes totally blanking out bc hello?? this was not how this was supposed to go. Lan Sizhui has Jingyis name but sees that Jingyi doesnt have his and is just really angsty about it in a way only pining teenagers can be

Most the other ppl his age are showing off their marks and Jingyi is just there thinking his soulmate must be some awful horrible person and also probably dead or smth and hes probably gonna die alone bc hes dramatic like that

and Sizhui is right next to him thinking kinda freaking out bc 'wtf fate???' Hes losing out on having his soulmate bc he doesn't want to steal someone else's soulmate even if they are a Wen

so thats their standstill for like four or so years

Lan Wangji at some point probably saw Jingyis mark and was like "😶" (also known as 😯😳) and then felt really guilty bc he wouldnt be able to tell them the truth bc thatd be putting BOTH of them at risk

but also if he doesnt, they could miss out on having their soulmate by their side like he did. So he just in this one sided battle with himself. Until.

Until that little fucker (affectionate) gets resurrected and Sizhui learns he is actually a Wen BUT THATS NOT THE END BC OFC ITS NOT

He was told that, yes, he is Wen Yuan, but Sizhui thinks his given name is Wēn 愿 (yuàn – honest, hope/desire) not Wēn 苑 (yuàn – park) so hes still like 'oh.. still not them..' (let LSZ be a drama king, he deserves it) So he goes on his escapade for answers with Wen Ning.

But then, at some point when Sizhui and Wen Ning are doing their exploration of their heritage, Sizhui wakes up from a dead sleep like "wait a fucking second"

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'Dear Theodosia' from Hamilton but its Jiang Cheng with Jin Ling and Lan Wangji with Lan Yuan during the thirteen years Wei Wuxian was dead.

Anyways, Next Question.

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chicken connoisseur taste tests peacock (in soppi’s headcanon I totally love the idea of established Sect Leader Jin Ling helping nervous future Sect Leader Lan Jingyi prep for his role by running through all the usual Sect Leader-y activities, including drinking wine because he does not want to make a fool outta himself like HGJ or ZWJ tho he probably still does make a fool…outta Jin Ling HAHA)

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ah…the timeless taste of gay chicken

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Half of the shit happened in MDZS wouldn't have happened if Jiang Cheng just went "Shixiong.. 🥺 please.. 🥺" at least ONCE

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Sometimes I just like to think about someone asking Jiang juniors if Jiang Cheng is really as scary and mean as he looks and just

Concerned citizen: is he cruel? Aggressive?

The Jiang Junior who’s seen Jiang Cheng cry because a puppy was too cute, cry because he thought one of his disciples got hurt, got body slammed into the lake by Wei Wuxian, got body slammed into the lake by Jin Ling, got body slammed into the lake by Lan Jingyi, bought them all snacks and told them not to tell the head disciple, threatened to make them run home only to hug them out of relief for thirty minutes, and twenty minutes ago told them they were grounded for lighting Lan Wangji’s outer robe on fire: yes he’s honestly the most cruel sect leader! One day maybe I’ll escape but today is not that day!

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MurdererxSuicider 2.0

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I was rewatching Apothecary Diaries; now I want an AU where sqh puts makeup on to make himself look more plain because he didn't like the attention, and making himself less attractive was useful in avoiding wife plots, too.

It was all good until he returned to the sect after being pardoned and forgot to bring back his makeup from the Northern Desert. Everyone was shocked and kept asking him where he got his makeup because it was super good. SQH didn't know if he should tell them he was not wearing makeup or just let them continue believing he had found some amazing makeup products. So he dodged all the questions to start the meeting, but his plans of flying under the radar were ruined when SY walked into the meeting and said,

"Oh, you're not wearing makeup today. You look nice." The room erupted with noise, and the meeting was delayed for several hours. SQH had never wanted to burn down SY's bamboo forest so much.

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cumplane thoughts: (lots of nsfw LOL)

airplane in shen yuan's lap, cockwarming for him while he writes and shen yuan looks over his shoulder, sharply criticizing his writing

shen yuan using his advanced knowledge of pidw to wifeplot the fuck out of airplane (its not his fault that airplane doesnt remember that flower is an aphrodisiac or this cave is the "ohno now we have to get married!" cave. really, it was irresponsible of airplane to forget such things and this was the forgone conclusion of that hack author being so forgetful)

cucumber and airplane being enemies online, but crushing on each other irl without knowing about the online handles (classmates? workmates? that cute guy i see on the train?)

shen twins au where shen yuan notices that disciple shang is kinda sus and investigates (thinking that its bc of the mobei jun thing and now that he's grown up in this world he's sort of invested in NOT having demons attack his sect-mates), but the more he gets to know the skittish disciple, the more he's sorta catching feelings and this is a problem! bc shang qinghua is gonna be a traitor! ....but is he really? sure, qinghua is a lil asshole, but he's not really the bloodthirsty type? maybe with some proper guidance from his shixiong he'll turn out better? no, jiu-ge, i am not being naive and no i dont think my dick cures evil, its not like that! it's just that--why are you calling him my boyfriend?! I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JIU-GE!

cumplane frenemies since their school days and current roommates. shen "i'm not gay so the sex isnt gay" yuan and shang "you're not fooling anyone but sure" qinghua. they're just 'friends' according to shen yuan. it's 'no homo sex' apparently. shang qinghua is fine with this, he is, his stupid boyfriend might have the most internalized homophobia in the world but like... they live together and shen yuan is mostly nice to him and they've been together for years and this is something real, right? except shen yuan's mom starts pressuring him to "finally settle down and marry a nice girl" so shen yuan is talking about it and the sinking realization finally hits shang qinghua that shen yuan never really considered their relationship to be a real thing. thats... fine... this is fine... he'll be fine. he is not fine. nope. not one bit. and he is not gonna be the bigger man about this. fuck. no. he is absolutely going to fucking destroy that stupid piece of shit EX boyfriend who never deserved him!! he is going to avenge himself and ruin shen yuan's life and he is going to be super shitty about it! but first, he's going to run away from home and cry with a tub of ice-cream bc wow that is the most painful breakup he's ever had haha. except after shang qinghua disappears and leaves behind a "fuck you, i want a divorce" note, shen yuan looks for him and asks friends and gets dressed down for being an idiot and also realizes oh fuck he actually totally was in love with his not-boyfriend and now he has to win back a very vengeful and very bitter shang qinghua, who also knows all of his weaknesses and darkest secrets

cumplane sex where cucumber is struggling to comprehend just how fucking shameless airplane is. that man can ride his dick while moaning pathetically and then still look cucumber in the face and smile while asking for round five and cucumber knew that airplane wrote porn, cucumber READ that porn, but nothing quite prepared him for just how horny and sexually expressive airplane is. SHEN YUAN'S THIN FACE WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT

shang twins au: the shang twins have been pretending to be one person, for vaguely evil reasons, and shen yuan notices solely bc he Is A Very Observant and Smart Person and it's not at all because he's memorized the pattern of airplane's freckles or anything gay like that, nope, that's not it at all!

cucumber starts talking to one of airplanes various troll alts that he uses to stir up drama and airplane replies, fully intending to further agitate one of his loudest anti-fans except.... they just kinda... keep talking? and airplane is really enjoying himself? and they're taking it to the dms and now they're kinda friends and shit, it's bad if cucumber finds out he's airplane, right? the entire basis of their friendship is a lie then. which is totally fine, haha, this friendship prolly won't last long. except it totally does and now theres like irl meetings and cucumber is Fucking Handsome and that isn't fair AT ALL bc now airplane has a crush on his (best??)friend and ohwow, cucumber can srsly NEVER learn abt his identity as the author. cucumber is a super bitter and grudge holding person but also he HATES the author and airplane rreeeallly likes having someone who kinda likes him in his life aND OHFUCK IS THAT CUCUMBER LOOKING AT HIS PHONE!?

shen yuan making airplane endure Every Single sex position that he wrote those poor wives in the harem having to endure. partially to make a point of "that CANT be possible", partially bc he's still annoyed at the hack writing, and partially bc it's rrreeeeeaallly nice to see airplane fucked out of his mind like that

airplane accidentally wife-plots himself and cucumber is a good bro about it and fucks away the fuck-or-die pollen. except now he's accidentally gotten airplane addicted to his dick??? bc now airplane is seeking him out constantly. was there something else in that fuck-or-die pollen? bc airplane is acting weird. was there some freaky love potion or something? ahh, it's really hard to think of the answer when he wakes up to the peak lord of an ding sucking his dick

airplane accidentally gets transformed into a magical beast and before he can find his way back to humanity, he gets beaten up and hauled off by liu qingge to be presented as a gift to shen yuan. which oki, fine, maybe he can communicate to his bro. but shen yuan is really nice to him when he's in this form (like a hamster monster) and wow, he never knew how much he really liked shen yuan being nice to him??? maybe he should just let it be for a bit longer??

shen yuan, recently trasnmigrated into the body of an ice demon, does not know what to do about the sobbing an ding disciple clinging to his thigh and begging for his life (bc i refuse to kill off mobei jun, this is a body swap au and now mobei jun has to live in modern day china as shen yuan LOL)

cucumber decides that he likes airplane best when he's too fucked out of his mind to keep talking shit. also, on a related note, airplane decides he likes when cucumber talks shit when they're in bed the most. does he have a degradation kink? he might have a degradation kink.

sugar baby airplane and his very grumpy sugar daddy shen yuan. yes, airplane is spoiled rotten, but he also has a strict writing schedule and his harshest critic tormenting him in bed. but ohwell, shen yuan also nags him to eat properly and makes sure that he does and the kitchen is always stocked and sometimes shen yuan just pulls him into a hug and rests his chin against airplane's head and yeah, he can live with sometimes getting fucked while cucumber growls in his ear "that was a shit chapter, you completely forgot the continuity from chapter 24 and now you created a big stupid plothole with the most interesting monster you made--". its a good life

airplane first meets shen yuan as a coworker. he's a rich trust-fund baby type who has impeccable fashion and a poser attitude. clearly a thin face and probably boring as fuck. airplane meets shen yuan for the second time at a convention while signing autographs, dressed in binghe-merch and clearly Way Too Invested. and airplane immediately thinks the gap moe is AMAZING. he's gonna have so much fucking fun with this. especially since airplane was wearing cosplay and his coworker didn't recognize him >:D

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Wei Wuxian: Why the hell are there so many new rules?

Xichen: Well, some of them are from you, the rest *side eyes Jingyi who looks rather proud*

Wei Wuxian: We have to adopt him right now, Lan Zhan why are you laughing, get me some papers, this is our other son

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obsessed with the idea of shang qinghua having an “author’s halo” but being completely unaware of it

like whenever shen qingqiu or anyone else asks him for something and he doesn’t know the actual answer he’ll just make up some bullshit on the spot and what do you know, that really turned out to be the right answer!!! he’s so lucky!!! but in reality the world is rewriting itself so it can never contradict the god who made it

and not only does the world bend to his whims, he’s also completely immune to death. he, luo binghe, shen qingqiu, and mobei-jun will be exploring some ruins filled with booby traps or something. lbh, sqq, and mbj will be fighting for their lives to get through the traps meanwhile shang qinghua just walks through while eating his melon seeds and the traps just narrowly miss hitting him like he’s a cartoon character, and then he turns around and sees his buddies all exhausted and wounded from the traps and he’s just like “huh??? what’s up w you guys haha you’re so clumsy”

sqq and lbh are furious that this dude holds the power of the universe in his hands and doesn’t realize it. mbj thinks it’s the sexiest thing ever