solingaluna

[solingaluna]

A vision

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep…well I’ve been an insomniac for a while. I spend my days dreaming of losing consciousness…no more feelings nor thoughts nor voids eating me alive…just nothing…stillness…silence…. peace. At night, I chug my melatonin and some Xanax drops and try to close my eyes but my mind spins, fast, faster. My lids are closed but I see the white ceiling and the lilac walls and my ghastly white closet. It often happens. But last night I was almost falling asleep….was I in that liminal magic space before sleep offers you grace? And I had a vision. I saw myself from above, lying supine, my red hair all scattered on the silk pillow….nothing too weird. At least until I saw my torso, hundreds of thick black threads wrapping my body… like a what? Like a chrysalis? Or like a sleeping bat? They were terrifying but safe. I looked so serene, finally, at peace. Well, you thought the vision ended here? Nah, at once, that black hank opened as if moved by a mysterious tide and something white appeared…a book? Yes, it was a book. Could I decipher its title? Was it Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights? Something written by one of the Brontë anyways…What does it mean? Am just a black bundle of suffocating strings whose only solace is literature? Or what else? Or is it just a metaphor for my vampiric nature? Lying like a bat…still and uncanny like a monstrous creature caught in the moment of its peak humanity….sleep. We all look so serene asleep. Criminals, regular people, the ones you love, wolves, cats, snakes. Everyone looks so innocent in Morpheus’s arms. Then what does it mean if you are denied sleep?

[solingaluna]

H Bomb

In my family the H bomb

Is not nuclear, it was my mom

Who first told me about the spike

That my dear angel daddy did like

H was so widespread, so common

Among the youngsters uncaring for the morrow

When she told me I understood

Why my daddy never truly could

Love me fondly, fully, fatherly

He was smitten with H, possibly

Was he high in the tub when I drew alone

Lost in my fantasy world, both gone

In what made us feel more alive,

He the spike, I the unreal sight

Of realms created by my cross-eye

He lost in ecstasy of warm poppy

That’s the reason why he was sloppy

I do not blame him, I just understand

Life gets too tough, hard to stand

I know his blood tortured him much

A castaway, from the Swiss Alp to such

a miserable village in the countryside

His eyes used to the wonderful and wide

Sight of Neuchâtel, his woods and Frenchie

Friends, a blessed childhood doomed to end

Madness does not rise in me, even if you fled

Your absence carved an abyss in my chest

I will never recover from this lonely wound

Daddy, no other boy ever could

Shatter my heart like your ghost

Yet in this pain I try not to get lost

~ ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞 𝔙𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔞

[solingaluna]

𝔏'𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔪𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞𝔯𝔢

Odore di cimitero, il mio cuore nero

Essenza di mille fiori appassiti

Rose, ciclamini, fiordalisi

su una tomba, i miei sogni riuniti

sull’atra pietra i loro nomi incisi

non piango più, gli occhi algidi

placidi, verdi. Diti pallidi

e spettrali mi sfiorano le guance

sono davvero tutte lusinghe marce?

Può credere alle menzogne del sole

Chi ha la Luna e Saturno nel cuore?

Impiantati come paletti di frassino

Nel petto del mesto vampiro

Non trovo pace se non sul cuscino

Nel sogno e nell’eterno sospiro

Come illudersi di essere per la luce?

Quando è la tenebra che mi seduce

Che ricuce l’alma, onesta e truce

Quando è la voce di Lucifero

Che vo cercando. Egli il vero

Non teme: noi cadiamo

Nati nell’errore, eppur brilliamo

Eppur luce in questo buio rechiamo

Nel male, nell’affanno, non si esaurisce

L’uomo nel danno, ciò in vero capisce

Chi nella Luna la sua Fede ripone

Che nell’atra notte, ella gonfia rischiara

Talvolta ella scompare, non più astro di zircone

Ma vuoto celeste, invisibile e avara

Rinasce, nell’ombra e nella quieta bara

Forse chi è come noi deve seguire

Della divina Luna il divenire

Incarnare la marea altalenante

Talora magica ed incalzante

Altri dì, spenta e pensante

Per i figli del sole è pesante

Ma la melanconia per noi è aria

È vino, è pane, forse sanguinaria?

Sì, ma così sono combinata

Per questa terra certo errata

Così fui creata, violette e stille

Fragranze arabe e vaniglie

Libri di poesie e bianchi narcisi

Sullo scaffale del mio cuore, recisi

Il mondo non è per me, nella Torre

Fuggo, tra il lillà che sul muro corre

~ ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞 𝔙𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔞

[solingaluna]

[solingaluna]

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 ℭ𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔩𝔢

Welcome to my castle, lilac and lofty

I’m the Countess Victoria, the frosty

Bites of winter will not reach you here

Please, take a glass and let’s cheer

To dreams and music and life

What a marvelous night

We are about to delight in

The garnet wine already flows

In your sweet veins, now bow!

And take my hand, let’s dance

To the strings and harpsicord

Shake your starry hair, my Lord

And pull me closer to feel the throb

Of this delicate vampire heart

Scented of vanilla and violet

Powdery and gourmand

What do you ooze, my dear?

Woody ebony and melancholy?

Honey and artistic folly?

Don’t look at the clock upon the fire

Reason is an illusion for desire

Don’t think, don’t fret

All is fine among this dreamy quartet

You can take your horse and go back home

You are free to leave and to roam

For I will not keep you caged in here

Yet I would be crestfallen if you disappeared

~ ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞 𝔙𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔞

[solingaluna]

every step is another death

i've been walking through this forest since the day that i was born i have fallen in love with pine trees and this constant sickly fog

i will have walked until my feet bled i will sleep until the blood dries and i'll get up and do it all again because it's all i have to do

i have walked a million miles and i have gone absolutely nowhere someday it'll make sense to me for now, it's the only place i'll be

i have been forced to find meaning in the moss that covers the trees i have been forced to live another day although i know nothing will change

this ache on my soles is all i am and i'd grow bored if i wasn't in pain so i continue my steps through here without a doubt, it's all in vain

[solingaluna]

For V.

I must look pathetic to you

still thinking of navy blue

your favourite you said once

I must scare you with my heart

throbbing, bloody and harsh

I handed it to you quickly

while my green eyes looked at you sickly

I don't know which demons keep you awake

but I would burn them at the stake

I feel you must have drunk venom

too much for such a sweet fragile thing

none took care of you like you needed

Let me try, take this brave leap

I want to learn you whole

your light, your darkness and more

I must look pathetic to you

a terribly romantic fool

But I want to be close, to be your friend

I'm not ready for a silent end.

~ ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞 𝔙𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔞

[solingaluna]

Too many hot cool people who love ritual and extravagant aesthetic beauty have been lost to Catholicism. You just need to get into theatre.

[solingaluna]

𝖂𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖎𝖌𝖔

All that's been loved has been lost

I crawl desperate in the frost

I weep no more, tears crystallized

like the endless snowfall on these eyes

Tired, empty and the Hunger

My spirit lingers asunder

Silence in the White land

I'm not yet dead, but no longer woman

Cardiac ice, I am hollow

it's my Instinct I will follow

For I alchemized into my true self

Wendigo! Demon, bloody elf

My fangs command sacrifice

Human flesh and throbbing hearts

I will wander till the sunrise

For this gelid chest starves

I will cover my fair mouth with blood

Oh it takes too much courage to be soft

I have the strength no more

I am a Wendigo at my core

~ ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞 𝔙𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔞

[solingaluna]

𝔗𝔬 𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔥

Greed is my commandment

Burning and twisting my tongue

Tasting of incandescent iron

My chest swells in hunger

I will devour this life

I will devour and not apologize

Oh, I will be cruel and true

In my blazing desire

Martyrdom is long gone

Spread your dark wings

And take, take and be

Be beautiful, be sublime

And devour, be restless

Blood and milk in my cup

My fangs will shine in your fear

I will be greedy, Lady Lilith

I will make this sin mine

I will glorify thy shrine

[solingaluna]

is this all that love is?

i don't know what love is i've only seen pale veils paper thin see through curtains that hang in front of the window

beyond that window is a wasteland filled with things i understand well i watch as people tear each other apart and attach mismatched pieces to themselves

i've seen a thousand mirages and have been told that is what love is but what i was described was never experienced they tore out my eyes and said "this is what love is"

they tore through my stomach with rough hands i felt as they picked through my organs cried as they ripped out my ribs and whispered in my ear "this is what love is"

they wrapped my wrists and ankles in ropes and strung me up against the wall they laughed as i spilled out onto the floor and all at once they yelled, "this is what love is"

my tears paint my dry cheeks as i sob for a final time my face contorted with a pain i never knew possible a girl walks up to my hanging corpse and touches my cheek she kisses me gently and whispers, "this is what love is"

[solingaluna]

"My Psychosis"

By: J. M. M. Powell

It's stepping away from the party.

Stopping yourself from speaking.

Minimizing your feelings.

Playing the scene over and over,

as your heart breaks on repeat

to the sounds of the inbetween

of possibilities.

Because maybe it's all in your head,

but maybe its in front of your face.

And everyone hates you for it.

Because why are you so sensitive

to the things they may or may not be doing?

No one is trustworthy.

Because your trust-radar is broken.

And life is terror—perpetual terror,

and that means no one will even try to understand.

Because how can you live

when you can't enjoy the moment?

How can you live when nothing is certain,

and everything

is a maybe you saw what you saw?

I hate myself for seeing double,

for feeling so deeply,

for not being able to stop caring.

I hate that this is mine,

all mine.

And I have no one to share it with.

[solingaluna]

𝔖𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔞

I'm intoxicated

And venomous

Intensity is poison

And mine! Palm open

Pure intoxicating ecstasy

It shakes you, joints bent

Blasting your heart

To explode against the glass

And slivers fall like stars

Like a cathedral's rose window

Too beautiful to be kept unbroken

Too otherworldly, too scary

Haunting your iris

In lilac fever dreams

- 𝔏𝔲𝔫𝔞

[solingaluna]

One day, I am gonna grow wings, A chemical reaction.

[solingaluna]

*feels both “I am so bored & understimulated I want to do EVERYTHING!” and “I am so exhausted & overwhelmed I can’t do ANYTHING” at the same time*

[solingaluna]

You birthed a monster

June 17th, '25

He was a

Heaven eyed Cupid

Two narcissistic blue ponds

his golden locks coiled upon

a cold gaze and a sly grin

an angel smitten with red poppy  

She was a

Self-portrayed demon

Two black holes and an onyx mane

A heart of darkness

Full of violent love

Deformed by sickness and grief

You birthed a monster:

A fair skinned ghoul

With watery eyes

And delicate veins

I will bleed if you touch me

the strings of my heart will play

blazing melodies, Lunar elegies

an ever-lasting vampiric yearning

Ashamed, a lone ravenous wretch

Drowning in fervour, dying

in this icy earthy abyss

-Camilla

[solingaluna]

Poem for a ghost

Summer '22

Putrescent dark blood

flowing down like a flood

ink leaks from my veins

are those omens of decay?

My stained wings are spreading

My numb limbs are waking

It's time to purify my poisoned body

What would I do for you?

Drinking venom to relieve your spirit

Cheers! The cup is empty

And my heart is drowning

Have no fear for I will

keep on gasping

Celebrate your new moon

a night without light

If I could carry your burden

and be your caring sprite

I soak in turmoil and sorrow

Have no fear, I'll stay until the morrow

What I ask for is a glimpse

of your love, only to quench my thirst

(you're an angel, I believe)

-Camilla