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ALESSI KETTLES

ALESSI KETTLES

ALESSI KETTLES

I have such a love-hate relationship with Alessi Kettles. On one hand, whenever I look for Lessi content, I’ll just get spammed with these, but at the same time… Alessi Kettle 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 DHDHK

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Do you have any Alessi headcanons for someone desperate ?🫣 Too shy to come off anon to ask ..

uHHHHHHHH MAYHAps :) Thank you for the ask! I’ve been dying to write for awhile :) !

I legit don’t know what I have and haven’t posted yet since I haven’t been on tumblr for a hot minute but uhhh uhhhhhhhh. There’s lore-dumps near the top, but it gets better near the end I promise

Obligatory song for my headcanon posts. There’s no specific reason for this song, it’s just a banger, and I’m also trying to be very normal about Walid Toufic and not put his music for every single Alessi post

Alessi’s of Lebanese-Armenian descent, but extremely estranged from his Armenian roots due to internal family issues — mostly his father facing scorn from his intolerant side of the family for marrying an Armenian woman. Despite this, Alessi was very close with his mother and, even as a grown man, regrets not learning more from her. Of course, he’s never going to admit this, no matter how obvious it may be that he tries to pick up parts of the Armenian language and culture 

Alessi was born in Beirut, Lebanon in 1951, but was eventually forced out due to a civil war in 1975. Though, what gave him the final push to leave was a falling out with his siblings. With both their parents gone, his sister going off to a loveless marriage, and his brother wanting to join the war effort, Alessi loses control of Sethan during a confrontation and turns them into children. This ends up as a strange, happy accident as he would try keeping up the charade for a few days, exploiting their memory being reverted to fake a “happy family” in an effort to keep the last remnants of his old life from slipping away 

Things end horribly for Alessi as his siblings eventually find out and oust him from the home they all grew up in. With nothing left for him, he leaves and dedicates himself to mercenary work throughout the Middle East and Northern Africa to keep himself afloat

With fourteen years under his belt by SDC, Alessi’s considered one of the best in the region. And since he’s well-traveled, he’s proficient in a majority of the Arabic dialects, so nine times out of ten, nothing got past him in Dio’s mansion regardless of where the other assassins were from

The joke is that most Arabs don’t understand North Africans, but everyone can understand Egyptians, so whenever Alessi wants to phase out of a conversation, he’ll slowly change to to a dialect that’s “further out” and difficult to understand despite Levantine being his first

Since French is a secondary language in Lebanon, much more prevalent during Alessi’s time in schooling, and especially North Africa for mercenary work. He knows enough to get around like the basics, but can’t read or write for shit. His little brother was easily more fluent than him, so he has a weird sort of resentment yet fondness for the language. Whatever French he knew definitely came back when he was chasing around Polnareff in the Sethan arc

Very, very curly hair, but he doesn’t take care of it. Back as a kid, when he had his mom, she would help him and he was basically a puff-ball, but as an adult, he doesn’t have the slightest clue on how to style it while also maintaining his hair. If you catch him when he just wakes up, or immediately after a shower, it’s seemingly perfect but then he’ll proceed to douse himself in a can of hairspray 

The gun he uses in SDC isn’t his, it’s his late brother’s. But going into that right now on why and how he even got it should be it’s entirely own post so —

Any endearment at all related to babe/baby will have him throwing up in his mouth. It’s one thing to mention a child, it’s another to somehow relate it back to HIM. Honestly, Alessi doesn’t read as a “habibi” person to me, he’s too bitter to be a “habibi” person. Albi and eini come much more easily to him as petnames to call someone

He’s a sucker for trashy American television. He used to think he was above it, but now if you leave him alone for long enough, he’ll put on TLC and binge whatever’s on. Although back home, he had a thing for spaghetti westerns even if they were horribly dubbed in Arabic

Adding to the Western trend, he was super into Lucky Luke comics as a kid. Since they were really popular in the Middle East, and the translated ones were produced in Egypt. It’s definitely not a stretch that during the 80s and SDC, his grown, mercenary ass sat down to watch cartoons of his favorite cowboy. Would Alessi hog the mansion’s TV to watch Lucky Luke? Perchance. Would he stay cooped up in his Luxor hotel room to watch it? Also perchance

Tintin was popular, too, but I think I need an outside opinion on that. If a Tintin person could come back to me about this please help

Hol Horse fascinates him. Not in an admiration sort of way, but a “holyshit a real cowboy” sort of way. To Alessi, it’s like Hol crawled out of his family television and old comic books

I don’t know who it was, but I want to say back in like,, 2016ish one of the original Dio’s Fuckhouse blogs had a headcanon that Hol was actually from New England or something, but basically nowhere near “the Wild West” or even the South. So the image of Alessi being interested and asking him stuff while Hol Horse is just,, sweating bullets because he’s not a “real cowboy” is hilarious to me

Because of what happened with his sister, Alessi’s very standoffish when it comes to love. He’ll take any chance he can get to mock touchy couples and heckle anyone that he thinks is getting “too intimate” in public, but I think we all know he’s compensating for something

But the moment someone touches him or is very direct about making a move, he flusters and doesn’t know what to do with himself. Cheesy pick-up lines will only embarrass him and he can’t tell whether or not you’re making fun of him

Having gone through wide extremities of emotions when he was younger, and then having to suppress them all as a mercenary, Alessi wouldn’t understand sensitivities. Especially since he’d have to adopt a pragmaticism in his line of work to keep himself alive — and arguably sane. He’d get confused over someone being upset over an inconvenience that isn’t “up to par” to what he went through, but at the same time fly off the handle at small things happening to him since he bottles up all his emotions

If someone cries around him, he falls into the routine of having this initial frustration, stuffing it down to not make things worse, and eventually follow through with a weird shoulder pat — sorta like “there, there”. After that, he’s clueless

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During all my time interacting with the jjba fandom (mostly for SDC because, y'know...), I've seen people hating the Seth episodes.

Which can be understanding! You don't have to like all chapters just for the sake of saying you're a fan of something.

But after reading the same discourse over that episode over and over again, I can't feel like I watched an alternative episode or something. Because, I saw nothing regarding that discourse?

And before someone comes like "you like the character and that's why you're defending it!" I... Really don't? That guy is just- that. Another of the many weird people working for Dio.

All along the episode (even the first time I watched it) I just saw a guy trying to kill the crusaders, focusing on two. Like- no matter what had his stand been, even if it was a different power, I'm sure he would've acted the same. And it was just a stand that made people younger, because that meant they would probably be weaker. I don't really see where the whole disgusting stuff people affirm Alessi does comes from? I've watched those episodes in different sources, with both Spanish and English subtitles, and there's nothing weird said by the guy? At least nothing regarding the whole "he's a p*do" thing. In fact, the episodes where silly and sort of funny.

At least until Malena appeared.

And I don't see many people talking about this? Like, out of the adults in those episodes, she was the weird one, saying unnecessary stuff, and yet everyone seems to be ok with her?

"But she was just helping a kid!"

Yeah, but let's think of something. Take Malena and replace her with a man. Or, idk, and old lady like Enyaba. Then that behavior would be weird, right?

Better yet! Replace her with a character "less appealing to the eye". A woman you would consider "ugly". And I'm sure a lot of people would freak out.

So, in my personal opinion, there must be some weird "elder sister figure" stuff going on (I mean- I guess that's something more normal in Japan). But I still don't fully get why the random guy who's whole mission is to kill a guy is the weird disgusting one, but a woman saying weird stuff to a naked kid isn't.

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Heyhey Viridi :) So do you have any alternate color palettes for Beastlessi sorta like how HFTF does ?

INTERESTING QUESTION...

So interesting I decided to make a bunch of alternate palettes him!

Most of them are based on Alessi's existing palette swaps, barring the first 2 and last 3 palettes, and since his colors are based on Alessi's hair color mixed with Sethan's purple ( at least in PPP... ), I decided to make the HFTF based one Sethan's colors combined with some of Alessi's colors!

Normal

Basically how he'd look if his colors didn't change NJKGD

3-4 are anime based

5.Manga

6-10 are HFTF

11. Is based on Sethan's appearance in the manual for the SFC game

12-13 I just made them up JNGNDFJ

and the last one is his original colors back when he was more purple

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Reblog to put one of these in your mutuals’ pocket when they’re not looking

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some villains! (2/2)

- Hol Horse is from Appleloosa

- since there are no stands, Iggy’s just kinda along for the ride and he runs all the way back home to Manehattan after biting Vanilla Ice once

- Dio likes to give some of his minions (eg Darby bros and Vanilla Ice) weird ass powers cause he’s just like that

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Part 3: Stardust Cru-hay-ders (1/2)

some notes:

- this would take place around s1-3 of friendship is magic

- Stardust can’t really actively use Hamon, Lucky tries to teach him but it doesn’t really work out. It’s just kinda powering him up until the end of the Dio fight, after which he starts to slowly learn a bit over time. he’s still not great at it though

- Dio has had much time to think/mind-train under the sea… however he was too weak to actually carry out any of the magic he thought about until 100 years later, where he broke free from the coffin and out of the ocean (no fishermen involved). He does his best to stay under the princesses’ radar this time until he’s sure he’s powerful enough to take the throne by force

- His grudge towards Starry’s bloodline becomes so intense that it manifests as a magical curse (think Starlight in that one episode but 100x stronger and reaches all the way across Equestria) Lucky and Stardust feel its effects, but it ends up hitting Holly the hardest, which starts them on their journey to find and kill Dio

- Dio learns of the centaurs abilities to absorb the magic of others, and spends his 4 years sucking not just blood but the very magical essence from his victims. this ends up making him about as powerful as an ACTUAL alicorn

- joestar blood => the bloodlines strong magical essence and their innate knack for hamon mastery, which is similar to celestias magic

- Emerald could’ve easily been turned into an “alicorn” vampony had he stayed on Dio’s side. just something to think about

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Sam..

Sam is this you??

Sam I’m sorry, forgive me, but I saw “tree #2” and my immediate thought was Greg Heffley

MAYBE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID INFLUENCED ME MORE THAN I THOUGHT......

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No time to explain, but if you could assign a beanie baby to each of the Egypt Nine Glory Gods + Nilla what would they be?

[rubs my evil little hands together] i can definitely do this 👁👁

𝐀𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐝𝐬 + 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐈𝐜𝐞

⇨ i tried to stick to classic beanie babies and not those beanie boo things, plus i'm basing these solely on vibes because i really don't feel like analyzing 4,000+ beanie babies to find the perfect match for everyone JGNFG

N'Doul ⇨ 'Oriel' the fish

Oingo ⇨ 'Palms' the frog

Boingo ⇨ 'Khufu' the camel

Anubis (Chaka & Khan) ⇨ 'Mellow' the bear & 'Lizzy' the lizard (blue)

Mariah ⇨ 'Sequoia' the bear

Alessi ⇨ 'Siesta' the donkey

Daniel J. D'Arby ⇨ 'Oakdale' the mouse

Pet Shop ⇨ 'Patti' the platypus

Terence T. D'Arby ⇨ 'Sunrise' the turtle

Vanilla Ice ⇨ 'Orient' the cat

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my irl is trying to get me into touhou and it's kind of working

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I don't think I ever posted these two screencap redraws before

If you know the context I'm Sorry

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new game: reblog this and give the jojo localization of your url

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i'm gonna become an architect and design two identical towers that will go right next to each other, twin towers if you will, and watch men in suits get VIOLENTLY uncomfortable with my proposal

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Hammerhead Shark!Alessi | General

Hello I’ve made the executive decision that AUs get a genre change. Sharklessi is gonna be surf rock — at least until I can find some really good Lebanese music with beach vibes. Dick Dale’s fitting enough though since he’s uh,, Lebanese Original pic: (X)

Since I have a trend of continually dying and coming back for a month but then only posting at like,, buttfuck early in the morning, I hope you don’t mind me tagging :>>> @shaylistic @viridisvilla

Alessi is a bit small for a great hammerhead, but that doesn’t stop him from bullying what he considers punier merfolk (even then, he’s still decently larger than other species). Typically, he’ll go after eels, squids, smaller sharks but his range is wide enough to encompass anything that’s smaller than him

Although, resulting from his size, he elects to stray away from most other hammerheads; of course, with the exception of smaller classifications

Originally from the Levantine Sea, there really isn’t much restriction as to where he will or won’t turn up. While he’s against change, Alessi hangs around wherever he can and at least grab something to eat albeit if the conditions are similar enough to home

Regardless of never having contact with humans, he’s terrified of them and being beached is easily his worst nightmare. He’s heard plenty of stories from others and above all else would abhor being stuck on a beach surrounded by people. So, Alessi tends not to swim too close to the coast. Though, on several occasions he’ll people-watch from a decent distance near bay areas and even trail behind ships if curious enough

Though, if spotted by anyone aboard he’ll immediately cower and duck under the waves until deeming it safe to resurface

On some few occasions he’s been caught lurking behind, from a distance especially, he’s been mistaken for someone overboard — which wasn’t at all helped by his incessant flailing once noticed. Attempted rescue usually ensues, followed by a thorough scan of the area, maybe a bold sailor vying to jump overboard in an effort to drag him over

From his people-watching, he’s fostered a resentment for children. Children bothering innocent beach-goers; children squabbling over a beach ball; children ruining rigs on a sailing trip; children thoughtlessly throwing things over and into the sea which is readily swiped and gladly taken

Though, nothing could really compare with his hatred for bombastic, arrogant teenagers, especially teens doing whatever “beach hijinks” that typically come next or them venturing to throw stones once noticing him lurking

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avatars for u and ur confused squad

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