solustalechoy

[solustalechoy]

O' great teaboot, what is the meaning of gender?

Please bestow this wisdom upon us.

From "AM I A DEMIGIRL PEOPLE ARE MAKING ME QUESTION IT SEND HELP PLEASE" anon

It is very simple actually. Boy and Girl are traditionally conceived to be larval forms of Man and Woman. Man and Woman are polar ends of a concept, which is to say they are real except in that they aren’t quantifiable, like money and love and the trade value of a beanie baby. So they’re kind of not real at all, except in that we think about them a lot, and that makes them very important for reasons.

In-between but also encompassing Man and Woman are two or so spaces, like a circle with four points and four sides, like a square circle, which is a sliding scale and also completely round. And on the corners of this circle are things like “Both” and “Neither”.

The “Neither” one is a bit of a catch-all though if I’m honest, because having one-quarter of our circle say “none of the above” is sort of like saying that everything in the universe is one of two things- artificial shrimp-flavoured potato crisps or something else. And that’s cheating, but it’s also easy and fun and good for you., so not exactly “cheating” but more like taking candy-flavoured vitamins in reasonable quantities.

Now the “meaning” of “gender” has to do with all of this, but also very little of this because things that we invented and imagine but cannot touch or hold tend to make us very anxious and uptight, largely I think because we cannot sell them and they are confusing, and if something is confusing then most people I figure would rather either not think about it at all or find a use for it that we can trade for things we CAN touch and hold, like peanuts and other allergens.

Which is to say, gender has about as much meaning and use and purpose as it possibly can to you personally as a mysterious briefcase that washes up behind you on a desert island after a horrible accident, assuming you haven’t opened it yet and aren’t sure if it’s going to contain a radio, flares, a chisel, iodine, and a first aid kit, or maybe just spare pajamas or a second, smaller briefcase.

No matter how meaningful that briefcase is to you, however, even if it is all the meaning and use and value you ever needed to survive on your little island, it isn’t incredibly likely to make much a difference to, say, the population of Holland. Which I suspect is usually part of the reason fellows at large prefer not to think about it.

To summarize: gender identity has no value. an abandoned sack of inappropriately disposed 40 year old Taco Bell coupons found by the side of the highway also has no value. Assuming, of course, that you have a very narrow concept of “value” that is limited solely to the efficiency of the American dollar in the trade purchase of delicious inauthentic Tex Mex fast food provided exclusively by Taco Bell at Taco Bell locations. If you are on your way to a trade deal with a Taco Bell museum, however, or freezing to death in woods, that crumpled up bag of trash suddenly becomes a world of possible and potential meanings, doesn’t it

[solustalechoy]

Is this a horrible thing with legs or...a horrible thing with fingers? Or just a horrible thing?

That’s cephalopharyngeal, a word which ought to help. Thank you so much for thinking of me!

[solustalechoy]

[solustalechoy]

put my daughter on the cover of CRIME Magazine, where she belongs

[solustalechoy]

My 1-year-old daughter has a wooden set of classic barnyard animals, which she likes to pick up and bring over to me to make the corresponding animal noises. This set also includes a little wooden farmer, which she also brings over to me, demanding the appropriate noise. And because I'm a little shit, what did I come up with?

*in a high-pitched squeaky voice* "Help me, I've been turned into a block of wood! Help me! Heeeeeelp meeeeee!"

Naturally, it's her favorite of the bunch.

[solustalechoy]

My 1-year-old Baby Bean is poking curiously at the skulls on my T-shirt.

Me: yeah, Bean, that's a skull. You have one, too, under your face.

Bean: *intrigued cooing*

Me: yeah, you have a skull, and your Daddy has a skull, and your Mommies have skulls, and your *proceeds to list off the cats, and her grandparents, and all her assorted aunties and uncles who all presumably have skulls*

Bean: *delighted cooing*

Me: yeah, just about everyone has a skull.

Me: but when you take the skin off of a skull, Oh No, now suddenly it's Weird and Creepy

My wife, from the sewing table: Hon, you sound like a forlorned Ninth House nun.

Me: WELL THEY'RE NOT WRONG

[solustalechoy]

chuds: KINGDOM COME DELIVERANCE SOLD OUT TO THE WOKE LEFT

the woke left: what the fuck is a kingdom come deliverance

the 10 people in the henry x hans capon tag on ao3:

[solustalechoy]

https://twitter.com/mohammadhussain/status/1340439172687998981?s=21

[solustalechoy]

[solustalechoy]

Every time Sean Astin makes a statement on whether or not Sam and Frodo were indeed gay for each other in lord of the rings he’s always like “well we have to acknowledge that attitudes around sexuality have changed dramatically over the past several decades and since authorial intent is only up to speculation, the story is open to multiple readings, some of which might have different significances for different groups of people also they kiss on the lips because I said so”

[solustalechoy]

[solustalechoy]

im telling you all... its so worth it to spend a whole evening make 100 million homemade gyoza (even though it takes so long) and freezing them all to have perfect delicious gyoza just the way you like them anytime you want at a moments notice. they seriously take like 10 minutes to prepare from frozen and they are so good. i just had a dumplings and noodles feast you wish you were me

[solustalechoy]

Also, we've been using euphemisms for death and other uncomfortable topics for a really fucking long time, probably as long as we've had language. We've got a hundred and one ways in the English language to avoid saying the word 'die,' but suddenly tik tok is the problem? Come on. If "passed away" hasn't erased the word from the English lexicon, I really don't think "unalive" has that kind of power.

Guys

[solustalechoy]

folks would really benefit if they stopped framing hanleia’s premarital bickering in esb as a sign of an inherent flaw in their relationship and started viewing as what it really is: two people working to tear down the public facade of the other to get at their actual heart.

every argument they have in esb is either leia actively trying to dismantle han’s tough, cocky, and aloof outer exterior and get him to admit he’s not just working with the rebellion out of convenience but because he’s actually come to care for the cause and the people fighting it (her and luke) and instead of jetting off the moment it starts getting too comfortable, he should face his fears and actually do something worthwhile with that surplus of dumb luck and hotshot charisma he oozes.

or it’s han actively trying to get leia to admit that she actually doesn’t have it all figured out!! oh she might know him like the back of her hand but she’s missing the big flashing sign right in front of her. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH HIM, PRINCESS?? you think maybe its because you’ve got a big ol’ crush?? oh, sure! he gets it. the rebellion takes priority, she’s all work and no play… but if thats actually the case, would it kill her to stop hounding him about how he might secretly be a good guy?? or, simpler solution, why doesnt she just admit that theres clearly a spark here?? 

[solustalechoy]

i'm just curious bc i'm watching How to Train Your Dragon and i always forget how happy and calm it makes me feel. i mean, i did name my cat after Toothless the dragon. but i also love Lion King, that's my Disney comfort movie. and my Ghibli comfort movie is Spirited Away. watching any of these when i'm in a foul mood or my anxiety is high always helps 🥰 but i watch them just for fun too, not only when i'm in a mood. what about you?

[solustalechoy]

becoming an adult cheat sheet!

learn to coupon

what to do when you can’t afford therapy

cleaning your bathroom

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

stress management

quick fix meals

find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

resume workshop

organize your closet

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment

what’s a mortgage?

how to pick a health insurance plan

hotlines list

your first gynecology appointment

what to do if the cops pull you over

things to have in your car in case of emergency

my moving out masterpost

how to make friends as an adult (video)

how to do taxes (video)

recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)

change a flat tire (video)

how to do laundry (video)

opening a bank account (video)

laundry cheat sheet

recipes masterpost

tricks to help you sleep more

what the fuck should you make for dinner?

where should you go for drinks?

alcohol: know your limits

easy makeup tips

find seat maps for your flight

self-defense tips

prevent hangovers

workout masterpost

how to write a check

career builder

browse careers

birth control information

financial management software & app (free)

my mental health masterpost

my college applications masterpost

how to jumpstart a car

sex ed masterpost

[solustalechoy]

In honor of May the Fourth, I'm going to rant about something that has been sitting in my brain rent-free for years.

Ok, so, Count Dooku, right? Qui-Gon's master, ex-jedi, dastardly villain, love him to bits, played by one of my favorite actors (RIP Sir Christopher Lee).

As he's introduced to the audience, we get the villain first, with hints that he wasn't always so. Turning from the Jedi and siding with the Sith in order to destroy the Republic, he's almost a twisted mirror to Anakin himself. The problem I have here, is that we never see his pre-villain self! Oh, it's mentioned in passing by Mace Windu, a character the audience isn't exactly primed to trust either, given his attitude in episode one. And then it's mentioned again by Dooku himself, which is entirely undermined by the fact that we just saw him moustache-twirling barely a few minutes ago! As it is, all the audience sees is "this is a dastardly villain, played by The Dastardly Villain Actor, clearly nothing he says can be trusted."

Show-don't-tell is basic narrative construction, so I think his impact as a character, particularly as a sort of proto-Vader, would be much greater if Dooku were introduced in Episode 1, rather than Episode 2. With that in mind, I have envisioned four scenes, two of which have a speaking role for Dooku and are thus notably longer than the original movie scenes, the other two being either one or two lines longer, or having no change in dialogue, only a visual tweak.

Scene 1) Coruscant, the Jedi Temple. After the initial briefing to the council, Obi-Wan argues with Qui-Gon about following the code. Dooku enters the conversation jovially, having come to catch up with his old Padawan. He asks in jest to Obi-Wan why Qui-Gon would ever want to be on the council, after all, speaking from experience, it's a thankless job and lacking in intelligent conversation. He mentions hearing about the Naboo mission. Qui-Gon informs him of the Queen's hopes for intervention from the Senate. Dooku seems skeptical of her success. He remarks that if the Republic keeps failing to protect its systems, they will take matters into their own hands.

What does it accomplish? Dooku is a friendly figure, one that stands with Qui-Gon and reinforces his viewpoint. The scene builds onto Qui-Gon's dissent with the council, and establishes that he is not alone in his opinions. His remarks about Naboo act as both short-term and long-term foreshadowing: short-term for Amidala's decision to kick the Trade Federation out herself, and long-term for the conflict with the Separatist movement which forms the bulk of the plot of the next two movies.

Scene 2) The council has announced that they will not accept Anakin for training. Dooku strides in, as we have established he does not respect the council, and calls them out. What do they plan to do with the boy? Turn him out on the streets of Coruscant? Send him back to slavery on Tatooine? Missing one's family and fearing a new environment are not moral failings. Dooku points out that he himself was old enough to remember his mother, old enough to miss her terribly, and yet he still dedicated himself to the Jedi, became a master, even sat on the council. He pointedly asks Yoda "am I such a disappointment to you?" Several councilors exchange glances. Mace dismisses them from the room.

What does it accomplish? Dooku is established as a voice of reason, and as a mirror to Anakin. He now has a firm connection to Anakin, as an authority figure besides Qui-Gon who has advocated for him. Anakin may even remember him as a major reason for him eventually being accepted for training. Perhaps he remembers this when Dooku cuts off his hand ten years later. Perhaps this event runs through his mind as he holds crossed sabers to Dooku's throat on Grievous's flagship. One more betrayal to drive him over the precipice to the Dark Side.

The next two scenes aren't doing nearly as much heavy lifting, but I think they're still important for setting up the next movie.

Scene 3) Obi-Wan is speaking to Yoda after Qui-Gon's death. He is now adamant that Anakin will be trained as per Qui-Gon's last wishes. He remarks that if the Council won't knight him, then he'll appeal to Dooku to train Anakin. Yoda sighs and says that Anakin will be Obi-Wan's apprentice. He then mournfully admits that Dooku has left the Jedi Order.

What does it accomplish? We see that even though Dooku and Yoda clashed, Yoda was still sad to see him leave. We see that Jedi can leave the Order peacefully. We see that Obi-Wan trusted Dooku enough that he was ready to turn to him for help. This will make Obi-Wan's discovery of Dooku at the head of the Separatist movement into much more of an emotional moment, a gut punch to see the man he trusted betray everything he stood for. Obi-Wan's cold rejection of Dooku in prison is more than just stubborn distrust, it's bitterness.

Scene 4) Qui-Gon's funeral on Naboo. Dooku attends, standing side by side with his former comrades. Even if he has turned his back on the order, Qui-Gon was still his Padawan, and he will pay his last respects. Yoda and Mace discuss the sith. The camera does its ominous pan to Palpatine in the foreground, then shifts focus briefly to the background, where Dooku stands nearby.

This scene mainly serves as setup, establishing a connection between Dooku and Palpatine. Both of these men will be important in later films, and the movie wants you to know it. In character, Dooku is not only saying goodbye to Qui-Gon, he's also saying goodbye to his former life as a Jedi. In a way, it is his funeral as well.

All of these scenes combined mean that when the audience goes to watch episode 2, they are already familiar with Dooku. His first appearance on Geonosis is not one of "oh, hey, Christopher Lee, wonder what kind of dastardly schemes his character will cook up." Instead, we have reactions of either "wait, but we like this guy! He was on Anakin and Qui-Gon's side last movie! What happened?!" Or at least, for the savvier audience, a vindicated "I knew he would turn out to be evil, it's Christopher Lee!" Either way, the investment is already there, so when he dies at the beginning of the next movie, it actually carries some fucking weight. For anyone who didn't watch the 2D animated Clone Wars series, Dooku was introduced at the end of the one movie, and died almost immediately in the next movie. He's a one note aristocratic english villain who's only job is to be an evil bastard and die like a punk. Not exactly compelling, is it? Certainly not worthy of the acting chops of Sir Christopher fucking Lee.