somegrrrl

[somegrrrl]

feeling the need to post that I started watching attack on titan and will NEVER be the same anymore.

it's just. it's so damn good I literally can't think of anything else.

[somegrrrl]

I have very complex and cofused thoughts on the new Sabrina Carpenter album's cover that I am not going to address here.

But there is one thing I am sure of: we can't not hate women. Like a woman has about one year of being famous and successfull until something she does gets shitstormed.

It's not that you should like or forgive everything they do simply because they are women.

But just aknowledge that we do not treat men the same way.

It's almost as if we have the whole responsibility of everything that's wrong in the world.

[somegrrrl]

Actually I use AI.

And I don't even think it's that bad:

I don't have access to therapy (it's expensive and I can't ask my parents that money).

Sometimes when I really need to talk about something and I feel alone and I know that my friends and family can't understand me or help me in a useful way (like the way a therapist would) I open ChatGPT and ask it advice.

No, it does not use my data for training, I didn't gave access to memorization and personalization of my input, every chat is a reset.

And no, I am not using a chatbot to replace human connection, I still talk to friends, I just don't want to drop onto friends the whole weight of everything I am feeling, I let them see what they can handle, and ask for closeness and love, I don't ask them to fix my issues.

I also use it for university.

I don't make it write my essays, but I do ask it to check for typos when I am finished writing because I can't see them, when I re read my work it plays in my head because I have it memorized and I cannot notice if the word I carefully picked has a random x in the middle of it.

And last month I had a very specific idea in the back of my mind, an idea that I came up with, with my own thinking, and I was looking for academic sources to back it up, but I didn't know if there are any sources and I had been exploring on google scholar for an hour. The last string before giving up and acting as if I invented that idea, was to ask ChatGPT if there is something similar in the literature.

Turnes out there is. And I was just lacking the key words for a concept I didn't know was actually researched.

You can't convince me that these are "lacking critical thinking" or "outsourcing my brain's work", these are new tools for things we weren't able to do before AI.

If I didn't have access to it, I would not be better off. I would simply be out of therapy without any tool for coping. I would simply have written a stupid essay because I wasn't able to find the sources.

Telling everyone that AI is always evil and they should never even touch it, will NEVER work.

Like with every issue, every technology, the challenge is to get people to use it responsibly.

[somegrrrl]

This is going to be my summer no matter what

[somegrrrl]

This is both the realest and wrongest thing I ever heard.

you genuinely just have to choose to stop being mentally ill

[somegrrrl]

Hi today I made a very cool thing !!

[somegrrrl]

God I hope there is a fucking reason why I am so broken.

[somegrrrl]

I've had the opposite experience and I want to share it. Not because I want to invalidate anyone's experience, just because I feel like telling it.

I was a very feminine little girl, and got constantly rewarded for this. I loved princesses and believed in fairies and thought makeup and dressup were fun. (So fun that by the time I was around 10 other girls started making fun of my self made rings and my vintage scarfs because they weren't trendy at the time, but that didn't scar me that much, it just slowed me down for a bit).

Then, in middle school, I started reading ya fantasy books and watching teenage movies and suddently being feminine wasn't cool anymore. Suddently the feminine girls were the evil shallow ones who hated other girls out of envy. But I wasn't like that, I loved reading, I considered myself smart, I wanted to be a good friend. So I shut down my self expression, I remember the day before I started middle school I took off my colorful childish nail polish because I didn't want to be "one of those girls".

For the next 6 years I tried to look as bland and "different" as possible, to avoid being percieved as a shallow girl.

This was actually hiding myself, and made me very insecure, but it also did a good thing: it made me resistant to trends.

So now I am 21 and a couple years back I started exploring my sense of self. And I discovered that I do love skirt, but only long and flowy ones, and I do love heels, but the larger ones, and I do love makeup, but I only wear it when I feel inspired to do colorful looks because I don't want to use it to hide my face, and I like having long hair, but I always let them natural.

I do enjoy feminity, I feel the most myself when I am feminine, but I need to be comfortable in my feminity and I am not willing to accept that "beauty is pain".

Me avoinding feminity WAS internalized misogyny, beacuse I enjoyed it untill I got the message that feminine women are evil. But it allowed me to rediscover feminity in a more authentic way.

like i was a tomboy right out the womb and my mother was openly resentful of how difficult it was to get me to be feminine and made comments about how she “wanted a daughter but got a weird son” i was forced to wear pretty skirts and dresses meanwhile all i wanted was to look at dinosaurs and talk about the titanic. so when i hit middle school i resented femininity. then i got tumblr and was told by the other 12-15 year olds that i was actually a misogynist for feeling disillusioned with femininity, so until i was around 19 i threw myself into being as feminine as i possibly could, i wore glam makeup every single day, tiny skirts and dresses, heels when i could (i have a bone spur in my ankle that makes them especially hard for me) and i was fucking miserable! it was a mask! none of that was me, but i was so fucking popular and well liked and showered with attention and compliments. when i got to my 20’s i realized that none of that even does anything for you. it’s just confidence boosting but only in the short term, none of it is about YOU, its about how well you performed. i’m still proud of my skills in makeup and fashion and hairstyling but now i have confidence that comes from the knowledge that im a smart, funny, and genuinely good person. my looks have almost nothing to do with how much i love myself. i very much struggle still with accepting my appearance without changing it, in large part because the makeup and dress-up did nothing but damage to my perception of my appearance. i’m not talking about this stuff from the perspective of some bitter bitch who genuinely has internalized misogyny issues, i’m saying this as someone who was you once. i was a hyperfeminine girl for 9 years of my 25 years on earth. i’m leveling with you and telling you to just Think about it, try different things, don’t let attention and social pressure make you betray your true sense of self. don’t lie to yourself about it. you’re a human being not a piece of decor designed to be viewed and judged

[somegrrrl]

Today I made my first ever portrait and my first ever paper star.

[somegrrrl]

Mentally I am holding my crying 17 yo self telling her she is not a bad person

[somegrrrl]

A volte, se resto sdraiata abbastanza a lungo, o nel giusto stato d'animo, sento si separarmi dal corpo, e sento il mio corpo, involucro svuotato, appassire, e poi marcire.

Questo succede per un attimo, e poi torno al mio posto. E una volta tornata al mio posto mi accorgo che quella carcassa è troppo pensante da sollevare con la forza del mio puro spirito.

E sono in gabbia.

[somegrrrl]

Lately I've been very confident in my looks.

[somegrrrl]

I bought a sketchbook and started drawing out of the blue.

I basically never drew for fun since I was 8, i did it for a while in middle school but I was just trying to improve my skills and I never tryed to be creative with it.

Today I sat and drew a little mouse's house simply because I wanted to.

It's not finished but I love it.

edit: I coloured it

[somegrrrl]

A lot of media either treats teenagers older or younger depending on what angle they're trying to sell you on. They absolutely treated her like a spunky kid, recognizing that isn't the same as comparing her to a ten year old, it's just acknowledging how she was treated by the public.

Idk who you are but I am sure you are from that post on Greta Thunberg under which I am having a discussion on considering teenagers as children.

I just want to say that my comment(s) are not about Greta (anymore) I just find this to be an interesting subject and I like discussing it.

I agree that Greta was treated as a child by media, I was just trying to aknowledge (as you did in this ask) that in my experience calling a 15yo "a child", therefore putting her in the same age group of 8yo and 5 yo is a bad thing.

Teenagers should not be treated as children, they are neither children nor adults, and usually the people who think they are children tend to also infantilize young adults.

[somegrrrl]

When I was 9 my catholic church was raising money to send in Africa. They gave every child a little box in which we should have put 10 cents a day for the lenght of Easter Lent. I started doing it untill I ran out of coins, at which point I choose to take my granpa's coins which were in a little bowl in the living room. I got catched and my parents reassured me that my heart was in the right place and that I didn't need to stick to the 10 cents a day thing, that to give what I had to give was enough.

But the fun fact is that I just realized I started stealing to the rich to give to the poor at 9 years old.

#tax the rich

Throwing this in to avoid misunderstanding:

I know that probably those African children wouldn't even have benefitted of the money since the missionaries aren't the best way to help poor countries, I left the church at 15.

Also I find odd that my family wasn't willing to step in and help me raise the money for a cause they believed in like other families did, it clearly wasn't supposed to be solely on the shoulders of children to raise those money (as I had thought, since I was 9). Guess we just had a weird relationship around money.

[somegrrrl]

I booked an appointment to start a diagnosis for adhd - or whatever the fuck else has been going on in my brain - at the end of may.

In a couple weeks I will be actually caring about my mental health for the first time in my life.

[somegrrrl]

Lol

From the perspective of a…

Psychologist: “our core needs are to be loved, seen, heard, and validated.”

Sociologist: “our core needs are to belong to something, to have a community & a social identity.”

Criminologist: “our core needs are defined by psychology and sociology.”

Doctor: “our core needs are to be healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually.”

STEM Majors: “we have needs?”