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CHANELLE

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Flash- Queen

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Jimmy/Dean HS!AU- Part 4

Oh, man. This ended up so, so damn angsty. It wasn't intended to be. 

So definite triggers. Just a fair warning. Angst, and angst-inspired fluff, I suppose.

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

Jimmy's so deep in thought, lost in memories of the previous few nights and thoughts of Dean that he doesn't hear when Cas walks in. Admittedly his brother is silent and always seems to kind of pop up out of nowhere but it never gets any less alarming.

"Jimmy," Cas says quietly from behind him, making Jimmy jump up and turn around, staring at him with wide eyes.

"A little warning first next time, if you wouldn't mind," he mumbles, blushing a little in embarassment and brushing himself off to avoid looking him into the eyes.

"My apologies." He pauses, before sitting on Jimmy's bed, looking up and locking eyes with him. "So.. have you still told nobody about your relationship with Dean?"

He stiffened where he was standing, about to close off and most likely just turn and walk away, but this was his twin talking to him and he didn't keep anything from Cas... in fact, he was probably the person Jimmy trusted and loved most, he told him everything. So he went and sat next to Cas, looking down at his feet and biting his lip. "You.. you know why I can't tell. You of all people know how great the retribution would be.. from Mom and Dad, from everyone."

He nodded slowly, sobering a little at the reminder, and Jimmy couldn't help but feel a little guilty for bringing it up- he knew that those had been the worst two months of his brother's life by far. Cas spoke up after a long pause, as was his custom; he liked time to process his thoughts and think about what he was going to say. "James, perhaps we should spend less time trying to please our father- a man who preaches about morality yet has no issue making his sons feel like sinful outcasts."

Jimmy was shocked into silence by Cas speaking against his father- something had never happened before, something he'd never even thought possible to hear from his brother. He just stared, his jaw slack.

Castiel shrugged, pressing a kiss to Jimmy's cheek before getting up and going to walk out of the room. "Just think about that."

~~~~~~

It had been a fantastic month.

Staying up all night with Jimmy slowly getting familiar with each other's bodies and then picking him up in the morning to take him to school where Dean got to learn the other things about him- which he preferred, although as a teenage boy it would be blasphemy to admit that-well. It was as close to perfection as he could think of.

Sure, the fact that they had to keep this a secret was driving him up the wall. It wasn't like many people spoke to him outside of his family anyway, but if Dean had his way he'd shove Jimmy up against the lockers in front of everyone and kiss him until they were both breathless and flushed. It upset him that he couldn't.. in his darker moments he sometimes wondered if maybe his boyfriend was ashamed of him. 

Those moments were rare though, and right now was certainly not one of them, as they were out behind the library, where nobody ever went, and it was hard to focus on anything negative when your gorgeous boyfriend's lips and tongue are all over yours. It was probably a cliche to be making out in a hidden corner of your high school, but neither of them could bring themselves to care. 

Eventually Jimmy pulled away, his dark hair a ruffled a mess and his eyes lust-blown. "We.. we have to go to class, Dean.."

Dean smirked, letting his fingers trail over the hot line of Jimmy's erection through his pants. "I bet I can think of something better for us to do."

"We're at school," he said reprovingly, looking around as if in fear although there was nobody around anywhere, especially now everyone was at class. "What if someone sees?"

"They'll just have to deal with it," Dean said, trying to quell the irritation flaring up in him. Not because Jimmy seemed to not want to do this right now- he was always totally respectful of what his boyfriend wanted and was ready for. He was just sick of having to play out their relationship thinking more about other people than themselves. "Come on, think for yourself for once."

There was a split second where they both realized the impact of what Dean had just said, and Jimmy's expression grew cold as he stared at Dean. When he spoke, his tone was low and dangerous- it told him without a shadow of a doubt there was no way of getting out of this. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Dean hesitated, but decided he was already deep in it. May as well try to explain himself. "It means maybe you should spend more time trying to make yourself happy, rather than your parents. I love you, Jimmy, and I want everyone to know it. So either you're so afraid of your parents that you can't tell anyone, or you just don't want them to know."

Jimmy stared at him in disbelief, blinking back suddenly appearing tears. He seemed to be about to crumple, but instead he just turned and walked away quickly without another word.

*

They didn't speak for the rest of that day, which for them was extremely odd. They'd been so close for so long, and to suddenly be apart was- well. It was painful.

Dean waited in his car for half an hour after school, hoping Jimmy would come, but he didn't. He'd rather catch the bus than spend five minutes in the car with him... Dean had to wonder for one terrifying moment whether he'd actually ended their relationship with his thoughtless words.

It was hours later when they finally saw and spoke to each other again.

Around one in the morning, just when Dean had been about to sink into an uneasy, fitful sleep, he'd heard a knock at his window and his heart filled with joy- because that could only be one person.

Jimmy silently climbed in the window, going over to the bed and lying down on it. It didn't take long for Dean to join him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him close, his lips resting against his forehead as they stayed like that in heavy silence, just laying together.

It took a couple of minutes before Jimmy finally spoke, and when he did it was hesitant and broken. "When... when Cas and I were fifteen, he came out to Mom and Dad. I thought it was good at the time, I thought he was brave.." There was a pause. "Our father smacked him across the face, as though- as though he could beat the gay out of him. Every day for two months until he finally gave up. He threatened Cas, told him he was immoral and sinful, dirty and disgusting.. I honestly thought he was either going to kill him or kick him out of the house." Jimmy's voice was choked up, and Dean only now noticed the tears running down his face, matching his own- because he knew Father Novak had firm ideas about these things but he never could have guessed it was that bad. It explained a lot about the quiet, shy boy Dean had come to know.. the way he was almost afraid of other people. 

Jimmy continued, his face pressed into Dean's chest. "It was horrible, those few months. Cas cried all the time, I'd find him curled under the bed trying to hide from everything, and he was so scared... Dad just showed him no mercy. It was only when I stepped in that he finally backed off. I only found the courage after two months." Dean could almost sense the self-loathing in Jimmy's tone. "He listened because of course. His perfect, righteous, good son's opinion is always valued." They were heavy, wracking sobs coming from Jimmy now, ones that shook his body as he clung to Dean. "I can't go through what Cas did, I can't, I'm not-" Words seemed to fail him at this point.

"I know, I know." Dean wanted to smack himself in the face at this point. God, he was such an insensitive asshole- but then, he'd never known. "I'm so sorry, Jimmy. We'll keep this as secret as you want, I'll never push you." He pressed kisses to his boyfriend's tear-stained face, tasting the salt on his lips. "God, I love you so much. You should never have had to go through that, you or your brother."

"I love you too," Jimmy choked out, collapsing against him, and Dean just held him tightly to shush him, rocking him gently in his arms. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, until the sun started to come up and Dean walked Jimmy home, practically cradling him in his arms.

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Rerk. Why do people follow me on this account.

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Nerrrrrrrrrrrrg.

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TUMBLR IS FREEDOM. YOU CAN'T CENSOR FREEDOM.

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So, I wrote this with Jimmy and Dean Smith in mind- askspn's Jimmy/Dean, that is. Then I reread it and realized how much it sounded like a (kinda domestic) Destiel. So whatever. I guess it can be taken either way but it was intended as Jimmy/Dean.

I don't even know what this is supposed to be. It's from... sort of a third person point of view. Like this nameless, faceless person watching them.. but not in a creepy way.

It’s one of those quiet days when everything is still and calm, and you could easily get lost in the beauty of it. The kind of day where no matter what you’re going through, you can forget about it for just a few moments.

Two other people have apparently decided to take advantage of it as well, and it only takes the briefest glance to realize that they’re a couple. They sit down on the grass together, looking out over the lake.

It’s two men, and even from a short distance their beauty is evident. One is tallish, with dark blonde hair and freckles scattered over lightly tanned skin. His partner is slight and paler, with a shock of messy, dark hair. They’re a remarkably good-looking couple, the kind that other people can’t help but notice and pay attention to.

Their looks are the first thing you notice, but after you get past that you see more; how utterly comfortable and at ease with each other they are. They’re keeping as much contact with each other as they can and probably don’t even realize they’re doing it; their arms are wrapped around each other , the dark-haired man resting his head against the other’s shoulder. Their thighs are touching and their fingers are laced together. They’re as close as they can possibly get to each other, as though they can’t stand to be an inch apart for even a second.

The two are the purest representation of true love you’ll ever see, of soulmates. Occasionally they pull apart to look at each other, their eyes locking, and they never speak a word to each other. They don’t need to. They have one of those silent languages you see in couples who have been married for decades- the kind of instinctual understanding you only see in people who were truly made for each other. They don’t need words because they just know what the other is trying to say.

After a while the taller man  leans in to murmur something in his husband’s ear, who squirms and blushes and then reaches to take the other’s hand as they get up, walking away slowly, their bodies still close and touching.

Watching this, it’s easy to feel as though you’ve just intruded on something extremely intimate and personal… like you’d walked in on them in bed together. But apparently that’s what it’s like seeing two people who are meant for each other. It’s a rare and beautiful thing.

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Jimmy/Dean Smith HS!AU, p3.

The characters are basically high school versions of Jimmy and Dean in askspn, and they are who I draw my inspiration from. Although it's an AU and different in a few ways.

In which there is a date, a kiss, and a promise.

Part 1 | Part 2

Dean must have talked to Jo for an hour trying to calm down before he had to go pick up Jimmy for their date. Eventually Jo had just gotten tired of his freaking out over every little detail and had slapped him across the face and told him to grow a pair; which, ultimately, was exactly Dean had needed to calm him down. At least temporarily.

Eventually he went out to his car. Ellen winked at him as he left the house, and he drove to Jimmy’s, his hands shaking so much he was afraid the car would swerve.

He pulled up in front of Jimmy’s house, staying parked out the front for a long time and just trying to get up the nerve to go to the door, knocking on it.

Jimmy came through almost immediately, nervously glancing over his shoulder. “Hey,” he said quietly, almost in a whisper and Dean took the opportunity to look over him. He always thought Jimmy was beautiful, but tonight for some reason it hit him harder than usual; the dark, messy hair and pale skin, the perfect little body that Dean stayed up late thinking about…

He shook his head, realizing the other boy was expecting a reply. “Hey, Jimmy,” he said quickly, smiling widely at him- it was an automatic response to seeing his… well, he supposed they weren’t boyfriends yet, but they were something. “You ready to go?”

Jimmy nodded and smiled back at him. “My parents don’t know I’m going out,” he said, glancing back over his shoulder again, and Dean could have sworn there was a hint of genuine fear in his expression. “I mean.. it’s only ten o clock but that’s still way later than I’m supposed to be out… but hey. I can break the rules for you.” He blushed softly, and leant in to kiss Dean’s cheek, before walking quickly over to the car.

Dean stood there, stunned into immobility and raised a hand to his cheek, rubbing his thumb over the place where Jimmy had kissed it. He was mentally storing away how his lips had felt and trying hard not to imagine how they would feel on other parts of his body; that could create an awkward moment and now was really not the time. He went over to the car and got in the driver’s side, starting the car.

“So, uh…” He cleared his throat, trying to sort out his scrambled thoughts. “We’re going to the drive-in to watch a movie… I told you that, right?”

“You did,” Jimmy replied, his expression amused and a little playful, and at that moment Dean realized that Jimmy knew exactly what he’d done to him with that kiss, knew exactly the effect he was having- Dean hadn’ realized what he’d gotten himself into until now.. the sweet, innocent-looking little Catholic boy who he had every intention of making his boyfriend was enjoying torturing him.

“Well, um.. we should go. Don’t wanna be late, right?” Dean stumbled over his words, just staring into Jimmy’s eyes as they sparkled with mischief. He looked away as they pulled out of the driveway, wondering to himself just how long it would take for this guy to be the death of him.

~~~~

They’d been dating- well, some kind of dating- for a couple of weeks now, and Jimmy had been teasing Dean all the way with brief kisses to the cheek and brushes of those long, beautiful fingers over Dean’s arm… he’d found himself staring at Jimmy’s hands, utterly mesmerized by them.. especially with the things he was imagining them doing to him.

He was only too happy to wait as long as Jimmy wanted for anything physical like that, of course, but he was still a perfectly normal eighteen year old boy and being with somebody as incredibly attractive and teasing as Jimmy was doing some crazy things to his sex drive- not that he’d mention it. But they didn’t do anything, it was all kept entirely innocent.

Until a few weeks later.

It was pretty late on a Saturday night, and Dean was seriously questioning why he was still awake when he heard a knock at his window. He grinned, knowing it had to be Jimmy; they lived fairly close to each other and unplanned visits like this were pretty frequent. He went over to open the window, watching and laughing as Jimmy awkwardly climbed in.

“Isn’t it a little late for you to be-” Dean started to talk but found his sentence abruptly cut off by Jimmy’s lips pressed against his, which successfully shut him up. Every thought melted away and he just kissed Jimmy back eagerly, his arms slowly wrapping around the other’s waist.

Jimmy pulled away just long enough to murmur “that was a very good first kiss” before leaning in to kiss him deeper this time, his tongue sliding over Dean’s bottom lip.

~~~~~

The next morning, Dean doubted whether he had ever been in a better mood. So he hadn’t gotten very much sleep last night- after their second round (yes,second- he’d severely underestimated his boyfriend’s libido) they’d stayed up even later, curled up together and whispering things to each other as they slowly fell asleep. Jimmy had left at around five a.m to sneak back home before his parents woke up.

So he drove over to Jimmy’s place with a huge grin, parking outside and honking the horn briefly to let him and Cas know he was there- Dean was always glad that he got along with Cas, because he was as much of a permanent fixture in Dean’s life as Jimmy was. 

There was something wondering, almost stunned in the way Cas was looking at him which left Dean in very little doubt that his brother had told him exactly what happened last night. That was a little awkward, he thought to himself, and couldn’t help but subconsciously wonder to himself whether Jimmy had thought he’d been good. There was silence between them as they stared at each other.

The silence was broken as Jimmy got into the passenger seat next to him, shooting him a faint smile. “Good morning, Dean.”

“Morning,” he said in reply, pulling out of their driveway to start heading towards the school. “Did you sleep well?” he asked, unable to keep a small smirk off his face as he heard Cas make a small choked sound from the backseat- nothing was more amusing to Dean than making Cas uncomfortable by talking about these things.

Jimmy tilted his head at him, his expression innocent as if he had no idea what Dean was talking about. “I only got a few hours, I was rather distracted.”

Dean shot him a grin before turning his attention back to the road. “I imagine you were.”

Cas let out a huff of irritation as they pulled into the school parking lot, glaring at them both briefly. “To paraphrase my brother, kindly get a room,” he said, utterly deadpan, before turning and storming off into school.

~~~~

Everything goes well that day- most people probably think he’s high because of the permanent state of happiness he’s been in, but he doesn’t care. Or at least not until lunchtime.

Dean goes up to Jimmy at his locker, giving him a small smile. “Hey, handsome,” he says, moving in to kiss his boyfriend who steps back immediately, his expression as shocked and terrified as if Dean had just tried to throw boiling water at his face.

“What- what are you doing?” Jimmy hissed, looking around them in alarm, but nobody seemed to have noticed.

Dean stared at him, his expression incredulous. “Well I was trying to kiss my boyfriend, but apparently you had other ideas.”

“B-boyfriend?” he stammered, shaking his head as if he could shake off the idea, make himself forget the word. “I’m- I don’t- I’m not gay, Dean.”

The words kind of hit him like a slap in the face, because after last night- no. There was no way that Jimmy could say that, could actually believe it. It was upsetting and frustrating and Dean gritted his teeth. “That’s funny, because itfelt pretty gay last night when you were underneath me begging for my cock.”

Jimmy blushed scarlet and put his face in his hands, cringing. “This really is not the place for this discussion,” he said, pausing before wrapping his hand around Dean’s wrist and pulling him out from the locker area to an empty area outside the building.

Dean looked at him with an eyebrow raised, clearly waiting for an explanation, and Jimmy slowly ran a hand through his hair as he struggled to find the words. “My father is a priest, Dean, and he’s very conservative. As is my mother.. and everyone in our town knows them. If it ever got out that I’m- I’m with you, they’d kick me out and- God only knows what else they’d do. Try to ‘convert’ me, most likely.. I’m sorry, but I am begging you to keep this private. Just between us.”

…Well. That stung a hell of a lot less than Jimmy just refusing to acknowledge him, he supposed. And it was true.. Father Novak and his wife were well known by a lot of people, and it would be a lot of pressure for Jimmy.. Dean nodded, reaching out to gently squeeze the other’s hand. “I promise. I won’t tell anyone.”

A small but genuine smile spread over Jimmy’s face, and he leant in to brush his lips over Dean’s softly. “Thankyou,” he breathed, and Dean just smiled and kissed him back, fending off his faint disappointment- he had wanted everyoneto know who Jimmy belonged to, who had claimed him. But this would have to do for now.

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Jimmy Novak/Dean Smith, SPN Ask!Verse

 "Do you ever have that moment when you just... love someone so, so much that you feel like it's going to.. explode out of you and you have no idea how to touch them or what to say to communicate that kind of love?"

"Yes, all of the time."

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H!Cas headcanons.

Cas grew up with only his sister Anna to take care of him. Their parents basically ignored their existence, unless they were causing some inconvenience to them or broke any rules. Breaking rules resulted in serious punishment.

He quickly learned to be self-sufficient- feeding himself and generally taking care of himself in every way. He learned to steal when he was quite young, to be able to pay for what he needed.

Cas was quiet in high school, and moody. He’d shut most people out if they tried to approach him and was just as quick with scathing words as a teenager as he is when an adult.

As a kid he’d be shy and quiet, thinking most people thought of him as a nuisance like his parents did. He soon realized that lead people to take advantage of him, and so he grew to use his quick wit and sharp tongue as his weapons, using mockery and sarcasm as defence against everyone who tried to approach him.

He didn’t trust or like anyone with the possible exception of his first boyfriend. Cas lost his virginity to him, and the rumour got around the school and eventually back to his parents who kicked him out. Afterwards, he went to his boyfriend and asked for a place to say, but the boy declined saying that Cas had never been good enough for him, and all he’d really wanted was the sex.

Cas had repressed the heartache from that and only taken in the half-compliment- at least the sex was good. With that information, he decided if that was all he was good for, he may as well get some money from it.

He cried only once, after the first time he was beaten half to death and left in a gutter. He’d cried for hours over that, and then the next morning resolved to just get used to it, because that was his life now. He’d sucked it up and internalized it, as he’d learned to do with almost everything. He saw emotion as weakness and he couldn’t afford to be weak, or vulnerable.

All the repressed emotion grew inwards, and began to make him hate himself, feel as though he was unworthy of anyone’s kindness and less than human. He could barely look in a mirror because he hated what he saw so strongly. But everything was covered with a layer of bravado and faked vanity; he made sure to exude enough confidence that nobody would ever doubt it.

Ultimately the only person to really know who he is is himself, and he tries to avoid thinking about it at all times.

The only people who have come close to knowing are Cas and Dean.

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Part 2 of le Jimmy/Dean HS-AU fic.

After that happened, Dean had continued to follow Jimmy for a few days before he had finally turned around again and asked him to come sit with him and Cas during lunch. It seemed Dean didn’t do the actual confrontation part right, but Jimmy was okay with having to do that.

This went on for a few weeks. At first, Cas was wary of Dean, which made Jimmy worry that maybe he wouldn’t be able to hang out with them… if Cas didn’t like him, that was usually a dealbreaker. But his brother thawed after a few days of being around him, and Jimmy was happy that Dean had at least passed the Cas test, a mandatory hurdle in becoming friends with him which tripped most people up.

The unexpected part was when Jimmy, after being around Dean for a while, started feeling… different about him. He wasn’t that guy who stares and follows him around like a lost puppy, he was… that nice, smart, guy who Jimmy was unfortunately ninety eight percent sure he had a huge crush on, and that scared the hell out of him.

He and Castiel had grown up very, very religiously, with very strict parents who had always told them in no uncertain terms that this kind of thing was unacceptable and unnatural. So of course God would take it upon himself with the twisted sense of humor he seemed to have to make them both gay… and Jimmy prayed every day for God to forgive him for that, since all he’d ever been told was that it was wrong.

But he just couldn’t believe that, especially since he’d never felt anything moreright. The way he felt when he saw Dean's face, when he smiled at him, was like... it felt like Jimmy was exactly where he was supposed to be.

So, finally, Jimmy decided to bite the bullet, and he went to where he knew Dean would be at lunchtime- the library, like he had been the first time they had ever spoken. Dean looked up at him curiously when he walked in, like he had no idea what to expect from Jimmy.... and he was suddenly tongue tied.

There was a long, painfully awkward pause, wherein they just stared at each other for a while until Jimmy finally forced it out. "Dean, would you... I'd like to go out with you tonight. If- if you want to." He blushed furiously, looking down at his feet.

Dean stared back at him, his expression unreadable, which only made Jimmy more nervous. He couldn't see Dean's uncertainty or his confusion, he assumed it was just... complete lack of desire or maybe him trying to find a nice way to say hell no.

But, finally, Dean nodded and smiled at him. "Yes, I'd like to go out with you, Jimmy. I can pick you up tonight?"

The words rang in his ears, that single beautiful syllable. That yes. Jimmy was dazed, and he just nodded without speaking, a smile slowly spreading over his face.

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Short introduction for le Jimmy/Dean HS fic.

Jimmy Novak isn’t sure when the pretty boy with the green eyes started staring at him… and following him, to an extent.

He wishes he had a better name for this guy but he honestly has no idea who he is. And he’s exhausted his resources trying to find out- in other words, he asked his twin brother Castiel, who didn’t know other. Although admittedly Cas knows even less people around here than Jimmy does, mostly because they really only hang out with each other. That’s one of the side effects of being considered freaks.

Although Jimmy, for the most part, tries to keep to himself and avoids all freak-ish behavior to keep from drawing any attention. When he’s not with Cas he’s quiet to the point of muteness, he never overdoes anything and generally just tries to purport himself as being normal. So why this boy has singled him out to stare at is a total mystery to him.

It takes a few weeks of being stalked –which feels like a really harsh word for him to use, but it’s true anyway- before he finally works up the courage to turn around and ask what this guy’s deal is.

They’re in the library at the time, and Jimmy has been attempting to study for twenty minutes while pretending that the guy isn’t staring at him so much he can’t even focus for a second. Finally, he’s had enough of it, and he gets his books, going over to sit at the table with the pretty guy, who looks downright alarmed. “Who are you?” Jimmy asks demandingly.

The boy clears his throat, lifting his head up to meet Jimmy’s gaze. “I’m- I’m Dean. Dean Smith.”

It’s nice to finally put a name to the face, even if it doesn’t ring any bells whatsoever. It at least makes this slightly less confusing, and Jimmy nods slowly, looking into Dean’s eyes searchingly. “Can I ask why you’ve been, uh… following me?” He tilted his head slightly, wishing there was a better way to phrase that.

Dean swallowed and looked down, his cheeks going pink. “…I wanted to get to know you, talk to you, but I didn’t know how. This seemed as a good a way as any.”

“Did you learn anything?” Jimmy asked curiously, leaning back in his chair and still watching Dean. He had to admit he was interested… very few people had ever taken the time to really know him. And this guy didn’t seem apologetic about what he’d been doing in the least.

He shrugged, still not looking back up at him, his cheeks stubbornly pink and flushed. “I might have. That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Dean cleared his throat. “If you want.”

Jimmy was almost taken aback by the flirting, because- well, nobody did this with him, and Dean was every kind of gorgeous and- everything that screamed to Jimmy ‘he’s too good for you’. Still, he nodded slowly. “I hope I do find out, Dean..”

"I'm sure you will." Dean finally looked up at him, catching Jimmy’s gaze again before nodding, smiling to him and getting up to walk out of the library without another word.

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Jimmy Novak/Dean Smith, SPN Ask!Verse

"Dean, this- this thing with Cas... doesn't change how I feel about you."

"You love him, Jimmy. When you agreed to marry me you were saying that your heart would belong to me, and only me. The way mine belongs to you. I will never want anyone else, I will never love anyone else. Apparently you don't feel the same."

"I do, Dean, I'm-"

"Just don't say you're sorry. All you've been saying recently is that you're sorry."

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The first time they saw each other, they couldn't look away.

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