someonecallgodplease

[someonecallgodplease]

Brucie can Crash Out sometimes

[someonecallgodplease]

Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

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[someonecallgodplease]

OH NO I NEVER POSTED THIISSSSSA

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Well, yes.

[someonecallgodplease]

barry’s adventures in mapping the multiverse

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AU where Dick gets de-aged and thinks that Jason is Bruce because they look really similar, and Jason is the around the age Bruce was when Dick was that age. When everyone tries explaining the situation to Dick he doesn’t really get it because he was de-aged to a time when his English isn’t great and he doesn’t understand as much about time/dimension travel and all that. Like Dick is smart enough to grasp that there’s something different about the situation and he can tell the small differences between his Bruce and Jason but he still doesn’t really get it and just decides that Jason is the next best thing until he gets his Bruce back. And every time the real Bruce says that he’s Bruce, Dick just shakes his head and goes “My Bruce isn’t old.” or “My Bruce doesn’t have gray hair.” or something like that. Eventually everyone just gives up trying to explain it all and lets him think whatever he wants.

They decide to let Jason handle him, mostly because Dick hisses anytime anyone else comes near. Jason, who remembers Bruce constantly singing Dick’s praises, and who has heard everyone speak about Dick as though he’s an angel, thinks this is going to be a walk in the park. It is not. Jason looks away for one moment and Dick’s climbing the walls (literally - not metaphorically). He goes to the bathroom and somehow Dick managed to climb out the window and is halfway downtown. He tries to sleep and Dick is in his room like a creepy ass ninja - staring down at him, waiting for something (Dick had a nightmare). He breathes and suddenly Dick is ranting about killing his parents’ murderer. He tries to help Dick with his English and the kid starts making up words. He decides that they should patrol so that Dick can let some of his energy out, and suddenly there’s a maniacal cackle and he’s surrounded by goons that were taken down in the most brutal sense (are those bite marks???)

Jason finally decides to push his pride aside and talk to Alfred and Bruce about, only for them to act like this is completely fucking normal??? Alfred even laughs at him and tells him that he’s lucky he doesn’t own a chandelier and only lives in a studio apartment. So, Jason tries to get help from some of Dick’s other friends, who do stop by and visit, but do NOT help and just say “good luck with that”??? Even the older members of the Justice League are no help. The only person who even offers to help Jason is DEATHSTROKE of all people, and Jason is almost desperate enough to consider it. It all ends when Jason finds a solution to the whole de-aging thing because he’s so tired of trying to take care of child Dick. Except Jason’s suffering doesn’t end because whenever he tries to talk about what kid Dick put him through, Dick tries to GASLIGHT HIM??? If Jason hears the words “It wasn’t that bad” one more time, he’s going to de-age that little shit again and drop him off on everyone else’s doorstep and see how much they like it.

[someonecallgodplease]

Back to my roots. The batfamily that I used to draw when I started posting on Tumblr.

I call it "always an older brother."

That's all folks.

[someonecallgodplease]

Batfam bodyswap but all of them have insane chronic pain in different places.

Jason, in Tim’s body: Yeah, your hands and waist should not feel like this.

Tim, in Dick’s body: Shut up, it's normal. But Dick all of your joints are fucked. What is wrong with you?

Dick, in Damian's body: Nothing. Jesus, Dami, I want to peel my ribs out of my chest.

Damian, in Jason’s body: Todd, I don't think the pit healed you at all...

Duke, in Bruce’s body: ow

Bruce, in Cass' body: I, for one, feel amazing.

Cass, in Duke’s body: I'm going to go OD on Advil. That probably won't be enough for how much my head hurts.

[someonecallgodplease]

Damian becoming the Doctor of the family, treating the Bats when they're injured, and taking care of them... But doing so in the most evil unhinged ways possible.

Damian, injecting something into Bruce's arm: I'll give you an anesthetic but you are in no condition to fight, Father. You'll be on bed rest until I clear you.

Bruce, already standing up, no fucks given: Thanks, Damian. But I really need to catch these people, they are– They–

Bruce: *Begins to stumble in place* They– y-you–

Damian:

Bruce, falling to the ground: W-what did you–?

*Evil boss music starts playing in the background*

Damian, slowly approaching: Oh, sorry, did I said I would give you anesthetic? I meant to say a paralyzing agent.

Bruce:

Damian: Don't worry, Father, Black Bat will take care of the case...

Damian, carrying Bruce back to bed:And you, as I said, will be on bed rest until I clear you.

*Evil music intensifies*

*After training*

Damian: I made limonade.

Dick, reaching for a glass: Thanks, Dam—

Damian: Not that one. That one is Drake's.

Dick: Oh–

Damian, handing Dick a glass: This one is yours.

Dick: Oh.

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: Did you- Did you put something in Tim's?

Damian:

Dick:... Did you put something in mine?

Damian:

Dick:What did you p–

Damian: Drink it, Grayson. It's good for you.

[someonecallgodplease]

Dick being an ass is my favourite thing

Commission Info / Kofi (Members get comics a week early)

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[someonecallgodplease]

Jason chileno y tim argentino mi pasión

Translation

Jason: Fucking crybaby

Translation

Tim: You're a fucking goddamn ASSHOLE

Jason: DICK! This sick fucker started with his bullshit!

Tim: Fucking Chilean!

Jason: Fucking Argentinian!

Tim: Dumbass!

Jason: Asshole!

Tim: Motherfucker!

Jason: Pussy Ass Motherfucker!

... Someone asked for Jason and Tim... Technically, I did it-

Follow me on Insta! :D https://www.instagram.com/_chubby.p1nk_?igsh=MXNicnd4NnFuYXM1cg==

This 2 are my favs, it kinda shows too? I love them, my babies. (I want them to suffer)

Also, in the comments I talk about something LKJASDLKJ No me funen pls-

[someonecallgodplease]

I love tumblr

next transformers continuity i want the autobots to accidentally out themselves to earth when they realize the probe they just shook the dust off of has cameras and one day NASA wakes up to find that opportunity rover's back online and the first thing it recorded was a giant robot saying "well, fuck"

[someonecallgodplease]

Bruce figuring out Captain Marvel is a kid because of him saying some brainrot nonsense he’s heard his kids say is always fantastic, but I think it’d be even funnier if, as a result of the absolute fucking gremlins he calls family, he automatically contributes like a sleeper agent. Like

Captain Marvel: I only have 69¢

Batman, not looking up from his paperwork in the corner, in the most friendly and excited tone the League has ever heard from him: You know what that means! :D

And all of them turn to stare at him just in time to see him give his patented Disappointed Sigh™️, directed at himself for once, and look into the distance as if questioning every single decision that led to this moment. The League is in shock. The younger heroes didn’t think Batman knew what Vine was. Nightwing is laughing so hard he’s sobbing on the floor, because Dick knows damn well it was HIM who caused that

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Its genetic

Dick: I just feel so tired ya know? For no goddamn reason. I was fine this morning. Had an alright of sleep as well.

Tim, no hesitation: Depression.

Dick, blinking: oh yeah!

[someonecallgodplease]

Eebie deebie gang