soulstrength-blog
Uncut.
Tell us how you really feel.
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Crawling to the finish line. 😩 #gradschool #graduation #crawling #almostthere #cantwait #sodone #hurry #gradiritis #futurecounselor #finishline
#cantwait#futurecounselor#sodone#gradiritis#graduation#almostthere#gradschool#crawling#hurry#finishline
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I matter.
I've spent majority of my life keeping my feelings bottled up inside. Possibly because it's always been easier to hide them then to deal with them. Or maybe because I've always been afraid that expressing them would hurt others and that they would eventually abandon me. Maybe it's both, who knows. All I know is I'm so tired of holding everything in. Years and years of anger, sadness, frustration, and resentment have built up and lead to an overwhelming state of depression and anxiety which has taken over my life this past year or so. I try to remain positive despite my hard times because I KNOW I have so much to be thankful and happy for. But I'm just so tired of pretending like I'm always okay. Because I'm not. I am human. I can't always be happy. I can't always make others happy. I need to live my life for me. No matter how painful that could be. I can NO longer live my life being in fear of hurting others by simply expressing my feelings. My feelings matter. I matter. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have the life I would like to live. I want more for myself. I want more for my family. My future family. I want to move forward. I just want to be happy. I will be happy!
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Worry.
There are days when my mind is filled with so much worry! Worry about my future, my relationship, my life, etc... People always tell me "don't worry", "be positive", and all other optimistic statements. While those may be true, I can't help the way my mind thinks. If something happens I begin to think, over analyze, obsess about whatever could possibly happen (good or bad). And I feel like some people just truly don't understand me. It's not that I WANT to think negative or obsess over small things. I try really hard to get back to being a positive person, but after one experiences trauma or pain their brain chemistry changes. So it's safe to say that I'm not necessarily the same person I used to be. Although I do have my fair share of down days, I also have some where I am positive. Each day for me is a struggle in my emotions. I always ask myself what triggered these feelings and if they are realistic. Most of the time it's usually just me and the things I imagine are so far fetched that I know they would never happen. But yet I still worry. My goal for this next year is to continue working on my inner self. To change my attitude, my thoughts, my reactions, etc... I need to let go of any pain from my past and allow myself to live in the moment without fear of the future. Take each day one at a time. ❤️
#life#love#worry#stop worrying#stress#emotions#feelings#mental health#positive#future#relationship#inner peace#the struggle#strength#letgotolovelife
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Empowered.
It's been a very long time since I have posted anything on there with real substantial emotion or thought. So I thought it was time for an update.
For a while I have been feeling very down, and slightly depressed about my life. I had feelings of frustration, sadness, loneliness, a sense of confusion, and just overall feeling lost in my life. This is in part due to my recent transition from graduating college (BA in Psychology - WOOP) to, in a sense doing nothing with my life. Unfortunately, my original plans of getting into grad school just weren't meant to be at this point in time - which leaves me to still work at a local grocery store (which isn't ideal).
Not getting into grad school is really what hit me. I mean, apart of me thought I wouldn't get in anyways due to lack of experience; but I guess the aftermath of figuring out whats next for me is a scary thing.
Coming from a background of adversity; being raised in a single-parent headed household, three older brothers, lack of supervision or push/motivation from others around me, lower SES, tremendous amount of moves, familial substance abuse, etc.. With all this behind me I still managed to pull through and graduate not only community college but a 4-year college. This is something I should be proud of, which don't get me wrong I AM. I just can't help but feel like in order to make myself proud I need to do more, I NEED to make a difference.
Within my educational experience I have learned that one thing I really aspire to do is make a difference, to become a mentor - to others around me but especially to youth. This has always stood clear to me whenever someone asked what I wanted to do as a career - verbatim I say "to work with youth in regards to self-esteem, and social identity issues".
So I thought to myself, what better time than NOW to start doing that!? I made the move to apply to volunteer for the Coalition for Youth - as a Crisis Counselor for the California Youth Crisis Line. After doing all the training and reading about this wonderful resource I am both excited and nervous to start making a difference !
Even though, I haven't been doing this for very long I feel in my heart that I am in the right place, and in the right field of work. Reading past youth experiences and stories has empowered me to want to better myself, and to push through and create a better future. :)
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