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all men born after 1875 know is shorthand, cudgel brains, lizard style, eat paprika hendel, and cry

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Chicago Pope feels like something you would hear mentioned in Fringe (2008-2013) in relation to the Alternate Universe.

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Jonathan is like obviously I picked your new house because it was the creepiest, shittiest old place in town and Dracula is like hell yeah brother

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Dracula Daily, as helpfully as possible: It’s time for Dracula to start! First email comes May 3!

Me, sitting by my inbox at 12:01 AM: vampyr

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the offseason’s coming to a close, dracula be upon ye

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why does it say about me that in all of my little scifi shows the male MC eventually sleeps with the female MC’s doppelgänger

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sever your gays

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a lot of Dracula adaptors are like “what if Dracula was less gay” and I would argue that those people actually don’t understand Dracula at all

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will I understand Wicked if I haven’t seen Supernatural season 9 episode 4

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ANNA TORV as Olivia Dunham ↳ FRINGE ⊹ 1.04, The Arrival

BONUS:

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The only people in the novel Dracula who aren't having the worst time of their life are the guys who moved the earth boxes because they have consistently gotten free drinks from the random lawyer who's very interested the boxes.

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Stoker keeps having to come up with reasons Mina can’t participate in planning because she would immediately solve problems it will take the rest of the Drac Pack two days to stew over

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Funniest thing about Quincy shooting the bat and breaking the window is that he confesses that he's been shooting every goddamn bat he's seen over the past few days.

There's a missing part of this novel that's just the notes of a very concerned conservationist and local police records detailing how they teamed up to find out who's been shooting all these bats in the middle of the night.

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Van Helsing: okay before I say my idea I want everyone to remember there are no bad ideas in brainstorming

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I was undressing in my own room, when, with a premonitory tap at the door, he entered, and at once began to speak:—

Van Helsing, barging in: "Friend John we must -stop screaming it's me- we must behead Miss Lucy"

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Seward, after two weeks of doing battle with Dracula: I have no idea what the hell is going on here

Quincey, after five minutes of eavesdropping: what if it’s a vampire

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the early Drac Pack is the platonic ideal of friend groups. every friend group has one of each:

Quincey (cool)

Arthur (hot)

Van Helsing (obscure facts)

Seward (remembers to file the death certificate)