spacemallowpirate

[spacemallowpirate]

I just had this odd realization thanks to a new friend that because I came out while young and alone I'm now considered an "elder trans person" by people the same age as me. It hasn't been that long, but I've been on HRT for a decade, out for like 13 years. I'm in my 20s still.

I hate that the world makes being out and open for this long seem somehow unattainable or wild to people.

[spacemallowpirate]

It's finally starting to feel like Spring 🌷🌷

[spacemallowpirate]

The Magnus Protocol

Episode 38: Circling Back

For this one I was trying to emulate the art style you see in illustrations of old fairy tale books. I’m so happy how it came out, I definitely want to try this style again.

[spacemallowpirate]

she'd be a button up shirt girlie i think

[spacemallowpirate]

I need to be able to take them with me in my ship so so bad

[spacemallowpirate]

I choose to believe im funny sometimes

[spacemallowpirate]

Can I just say, uh, I’m pretty sure noticing you’re asexual is harder than noticing you’re gay, straight, pan or otherwise. Like, I just read someone’s desciption of hitting puberty and, like, there’s nothing like that. There’s no sudden ‘boob’ moment, no sudden ‘fuck, I’d fuck that’ moment, not sudden anything. You just, like, plod on through life as usual going ‘oooh, that’s pretty, I’d like that hair’ or ‘oooooh, they’re nice, I’d like to be close to them’ but there’s no like, ‘oh, someone would want to fuck that but I don’t’, you know? You just- you don’t notice, you don’t realise everyone else has ‘had a moment’ but you haven’t, you just- keep going as you always have.

And then, much much later, you start to wonder why people are getting so caught up in drama for romance or sex, like, why bother? It’s not worth it, they’re not worth it, why are you doing stupid things for something that’s so- and then you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, start mentally over compensating. Like ‘uh, okay, um, who should I date? Who can I stand to date? Who could I stand to fuck?’ like- it’s not, it’s not something you want, but you want to fit in, to be normal.

Sometimes you don’t even know that you’re doing it.

Sometimes you don’t even know asexual’s a thing.

I dunno, I guess, I just feel like, uh, people should understand more?

idk sorry thank you for listening to me

[spacemallowpirate]

you can always come home 🌲

[spacemallowpirate]

This opening completely altered my brain chemistry as a kid and I've never been the same since.

[spacemallowpirate]

mice are rather nice

[spacemallowpirate]

This one reads like a comedy

[spacemallowpirate]

I dug a blanket out of the closet today. It was old and soft and the ugly kind of plum. I finally bought a cheap recliner off some old lady and wanted to feel warm. I lugged the oversized thing out to the plush Grey chair and settled in under it - turned the wrong way round, of course. "Better to feel soft on your bare legs then on some stupid sleeved arms". I put on a video and zoned out, but as my eyes wandered I saw the blanket better. It had crumbs on it, and pieces of thread, and bits of that cursed red bathrobe that lives in the closet and sheds over everything. I should've thrown it out ages ago,but for some reason I still use it. The blanket looked dirty, I worried it'd smell of sweat. I put my nose in the plush of it, hoping to find it clean. Instead I found it stained.

Stained with ireemovable memories and painful thoughts. Moving boxes for half my heart and the sad look you gave in the end. It smelled of "I don't know if I ever loved you". It smelled of strawberries and detergent and like all the plushes you left here. It smelled like your red bathrobe. It smelled like my soap and perfume. It smelled like that lotion I use after I shave my legs. It smelled like the lemons I'd eat by the bag. It was ugly, and plum, covered in dirt, and smelled like us.

I cried for the first time since it all today.

[spacemallowpirate]

Childhood can be scary.

A collection of some of my hand-drawn horror looping animations!

[spacemallowpirate]

[spacemallowpirate]

vaginal infections, utis, and extreme ph imbalances are no fucking joke. please wash your goddamn hands before you stick your fingers in someone

[spacemallowpirate]

So I had a funny dream the other night.

It involved a very gay witch.

[spacemallowpirate]

travellers of outer wilds ventures….🌌🏕️🔥