spacetofv - Tumblr blog

spacetofv · 11 days

Text

Full Moon Curse

Summary: Every full moon night, since Arthur was young, was spent in self isolation, often outside. It was a routine everyone who’s spent at least one full month in the castle knew. Yet very, very few knew the reason why. Arthur often wished that even fewer knew, but little does he know, this evening is going to go the opposite of how he wanted. Is the moonlight night really going to end as badly as he fears?

Notes: Arthadow Club, I’ve read y’all’s fanfics and seen your fanart and it’s amazing, but you seem to have forgotten a little concept. Eat up. Oh, and here’s your tag, @teamxdark! I hope you all like it!

Word count: 4,525

With the last bit of the sun’s comforting and powerful light gone, Arthur was left in complete darkness. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t scare him at all, being all alone in the dark, but he’d spent too many nights like this to be so fearful as to turn around and walk back to the castle. His crown had been left behind, along with much of his armor. He felt a little undressed without them, despite still wearing clothes. They were left behind for a good reason when he left just before sunset, though.

Arthur tilted his head up and searched the sky. Any minute now, the full moon would appear through the rolling clouds.

Before he left, the king made sure that every worker there knew he was not to be followed tonight. The newest knight had asked why, but luckily, Gwaine was there to tell him that it was a routine that had gone on for a long time and was simply not to be questioned. The badger seemed a little flustered and apologized. Arthur accepted it easily. Being worried about the king was practically part of the job, so it was reasonable a seemingly risky decision would raise questions.

An owl hooted somewhere to the right. Without thinking, Arthur turned to where it came from, only to relax his shoulders just as quickly as they raised up. The warm summer nights were more teeming with life now that the snow was gone and the animals had returned in the spring. Soon, fireflies started flickering their lights to the world and crickets began to sing and chirp. Combined with the pleasantly cool wind blowing through the trees, it was all a sort of quiet melody that soothed his mind when he paid attention to it, even if just for a while.

His emerald eyes found the moon when its light finally shined through the clouds. In the past, he would’ve looked at it and dreaded what would follow. Now, Arthur looked at with both a resigned sadness and some remaining fear for the painful transformation.

It started in his chest. It always started in his chest. Arthur gasped and brought a hand up to clutch the shirt he was wearing. His heart slowly, but surely began to beat almost painfully fast in his chest. Like it was knocking on it from inside. His ribcage felt as if it was starting to expand underneath his skin. At the same time, the flesh around began to grow to keep up with it. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and started panting. He released his grip on his shirt, only to try to grip at his chest.

The pain only grew worse as it spread to his arms and legs. Arthur cried in intense agony as his leg bones began to change and shift, unable to handle it while they supported his weight at the same time, no matter how many time he’s gone through it. It always hurt too much for him to keep standing. Arthur used his aching arms to catch himself on the ground, which shot a spark of pain through them. He inhaled sharply through his teeth, which sounded a lot like a hiss.

Knowing how the next few seconds would go, the king grunted and laid onto his side on the grass. He hated it. It was his own body, and yet the best Arthur could do for himself right now was to just lay there and let it happen. His face scrunched up in extreme discomfort as he grew too big for the clothes he was wearing until they tore apart. At the same time, he had to remove his hand from his chest because of the claws starting to grow. It hadn’t exactly brought him any comfort, but not doing it somehow felt worse than doing it.

‘It’ll be over soon.’ Arthur told himself.

He gritted his teeth as they started to ache and felt them starting to grow sharper. His tail stretched and grew blue fur out of it, the same blue fur that started spreading all over his body until it was longer than his quills. He cried out as his arms and legs grew bigger, his ankles shifting and readjusting to take on a different shape. Everything suddenly seemed much louder, much brighter, and his nose stung a little as Arthur became more aware of the different scents in the air.

Every muscle was tense and his fingers that now ended with sharp claws flexed as if to grab something. Everything hurt, everything ached, it was all so bad that he wanted to rip off his own skin to make it stop.

Then, almost as fast as it came, it stopped. The king breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. The pain would fade away soon enough, but now, the transformation was done. He began taking deep breaths to try to even out his breathing and calm his heartbeat. Arthur didn’t bother getting back up yet and simply laid there, listening to the sounds of the forest surrounding the clearing he frequented for the transformation. His head was spinning a little, but he knew that would fade as well.

Slowly, but surely, the pain subsided. When Arthur opened his eyes again and looked up at the sky, the moon had barely moved an inch from the position he’d first seen it in. He put his now furry arms on the ground and began to stand up. He moved slowly, not because of balancing issues, but because his legs often suddenly ached when he stood on them after and made it harder to stay up. Luckily, this wasn’t one of those times and the king was able to properly look around, the shreds of the clothes he’d been wearing now discarded onto the grass.

The fireflies were still there, but not as many remained. The crickets had sensed the new presence of a predator in the area and gone quiet, but Arthur’s now advanced senses hadn’t yet detected anything that could be a threat. That meant it was him that startled them. Arthur despised this form, along with the urges that came with it. The hunger for raw meat, for example.

Most of his mind was disgusted by it, but the rest that felt as if it belonged to the beast he’d turn into every month salivated at the mere thought of it. Another example is that on the rare occasion he was happy during these nights, he’d catch his tail wagging. The cursed king would also eventually come to the realization that when he thought of something that made him happy enough to make his tail wag, he’d feel more excited about whatever it was than when he was back in his much more comfortable and normal hedgehog body.

However, that small boost of happiness did next to nothing for Arthur when he remembered his circumstances. It was like trying to put out a large fire with only one bucket of water. He took in a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. Now he had to figure out what he could do next for the remainder of the night, because no matter how exhausted he might’ve been the day before, the beast was wide awake more often than not. One thing was for sure, though; Arthur had to stay away from civilization and the people who lived there.

“This is unexpected.”

Arthur’s ears and tail perked up hearing the voice, and upon realizing who it was, he was briefly overcome with nothing but sheer excitement at the thought of his beloved being there. He felt his now longer and fluffier tail move side to side rapidly, and for a few seconds, he didn’t care at all. Then that beautiful feeling was crushed by a sense of dread.

Shadow was there, and judging by his words, he was looking right at him. He saw Arthur. He could see him right now, as this... this beast.

Arthur turned to where the voice came from and his heart sank to his stomach. Shadow’s glowing red stripes and eyes, familiar and mysterious at the same time, cut through the darkness from where he was standing amongst the trees. As he walked into the clearing, the glow disappeared and the moonlight was granted permission to shine on him. The king’s beloved looked undeniably gorgeous under the soft, pale light, but he (unfortunately) couldn’t focus on that at the moment.

“What are you doing out here?! It’s late!” Arthur asked. He hadn’t meant to sound so surprised and fearful, but it was already out before he knew it. For some reason, Shadow had yet to show any signs of fear. Arthur knew how fearless he could be, but wasn’t he at least a little disgusted right now?

“Well, I was going to find a good place for stargazing, but who would’ve thought that I’d find you out here too.” Shadow replied. He shrugged his shoulders.”I thought you’d be asleep by now.” He added.

Arthur hardly processed the explanation. His mind was busy trying to prepare itself for the inevitable disaster that would be Shadow, the one who lit up his day just by being there and filled a place in his heart he didn’t even know was empty, was about to leave him. Arthur should’ve told him sooner. Maybe the heartbreak wouldn’t have been this awful. He could feel the tears starting to form behind his eyes and his throat begin to tighten already. He fought the urge to start crying down as far as he could so he could speak.

Arthur took in a deep breath.”Yes, it is... a curse I’ve had for a very long time now.” He said. He wanted to turn around and run so badly. Run from his home, run from his curse, and run from his beloved’s rejection.”I... suppose that you no longer want to be with me now that you know?” Arthur asked, fighting to keep his words above a whisper.

Shadow blinked and tilted his head slightly.“What are you talking about?” He asked. He started to come closer, but Arthur took a step back.

“Look at me! I look like a beast! A monster! I’m the very thing young children would run from in terror!” Arthur exclaimed. His voice strained a little as he spoke.”I’m the creature that hunters would go after to mount my head on their wall, believing that they’re protecting their loved ones!” He said. The dam holding his cries back was starting to break, a single tear was already rolling down his face. It almost hurt to speak.

He hung his head down and looked at the grass. He didn’t want to meet his lover’s eyes, which were probably full of hate by now.“I look like... like a demon, don’t I?” Arthur asked, sadness dripping from his words. He bit the inside of his lip to prevent it from quivering like he was a child.

A few minutes of heavy silence followed. Arthur didn’t see it, but Shadow raised an eyebrow at him.”Does me being only part hedgehog make me disgusting?” He asked. Arthur briefly forgot all about the circumstances and snapped his head up to look at Shadow.

“What?! No!” He exclaimed. He was shocked that his beloved would even suggest such a thing. Shadow’s tail may be far too long and easily manipulated for a hedgehog’s, and both of his sets of retractable teeth and forked tongue would startle many people, and of course the fact that he could make his red stripes glow was a surprise, but Arthur could only see them as what they are. An important part of Shadow that made him who he is.

He was hardly ever scared of his alien features, and even when he was, it was short lived and replaced with fascination. The lungs of a scorpion to hold his breath for seven days, the ability to find his way through sound alone like a bat, the eyes of a cat’s or reptile’s to see in the dark, and more! Every bit of Shadow’s biological and genetic makeup, as the hybrid himself called it, that Arthur learned about seemed to further prove his self proclaimed title as the ultimate life form and leave the king wondering why and how he was created in such a way.

It was simply amazing how he always seemed to have a way to handle situations. Why — No, how would someone look at him and be disgusted by the simple fact that he wasn’t a “proper” hedgehog?

Shadow tried again to walk closer, and this time, Arthur let him.“There’s your answer. You don’t look much like a beast to me anyways.” Shadow said as he took Arthur’s clawed hand into his own. It was a little surprising how much easier Shadow’s hand was to hold now, but Arthur hardly processed it. He was busy hearing his beloved’s words repeat in his mind over and over.

It was something that he wanted to hear the moment he first wondered what would happen if Shadow learned of his curse. He needed to hear it. He just didn’t think it was very likely. In fact, it was one of the reasons he gave up seeking a lover long ago. And now, after hearing those words, it felt like a weight he’d been carrying for so long that he often didn’t notice its heaviness anymore was starting to lift off his shoulders. Arthur could feel the tears that were ready to be released start to vanish, and his throat began to open up again.

“You... You do not see me as a monster? You are not worried about what I could do if I’m not in control?” He asked. He’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t worried since even now, there were times he’d acted on the beast’s instincts instead of his own.

Shadow gave a small shake of his head.“No. If anything...” The corners of his mouth turned upwards in a small smile, ”I’m actually a little relieved now that I’ve figured out what’s been causing you to feel weak for so long.” He said.

One bright flash of light and surprisingly brief dizzy headache later, Arthur was in a dark room, but the two windows up ahead made him guess that this was Shadow’s cabin. Shadow’s eyes and quills glowed in the dark with bits of lightning flickering between his red quills, something that the dark hybrid seemed to be able to control for the most part. He brought his other hand up and pressed it against Arthur’s chest. He carefully guided him backwards a few steps and lightly pulled down on his hand. Shadow wanted him to sit down, and Arthur did just that.

He reached an arm behind himself and patted the air as he slowly knelt down until he found the cushion of a couch. Arthur sat down, but Shadow remained standing. The dark hybrid leaned closer and gave Arthur a light kiss on the cheek. The soft peck made his cheeks heat up. It felt like just what the king needed right now.”Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be a while.” Shadow said. He turned around and walked to the other side of the room. He knelt down in front of something and picked up two sharp objects.

Three sharp strikes of stones against each other and a few blows from Shadow, and the fireplace was lit. He waited a little to make sure that it would stay, then walked into the kitchen that was right on the other side of the right wall when he was satisfied.

Arthur couldn’t help but smile at him, even when he left. He heard a light thumping and turned to his right to see his tail wagging against the couch. Arthur’s face felt hotter and he quickly grabbed it, but not too harshly, just to make it stop. Thank goodness Shadow hadn’t seen that. Once the tail stopped moving between his paws, Arthur released it and looked around.

A few steps in front of the couch was a rectangular carpet with a simple striped design and different shades of grays, reds, and browns.

The flames eating away at the replaced firewood sent a warm, orange light dancing across the floor, walls, and ceiling. It chased away the darkness and was slowly heating up Arthur’s front body. The wooden floors looked very clean, which wasn’t much of a surprise since Shadow had an affinity for clean and tidy spaces.

Shadow really valued having his privacy, so much so that he apparently built a cabin not too long after he appeared in Camelot. Arthur wasn’t exactly sure just how far away from the kingdom the cabin was, but Shadow told him that he ran for about three hours before stopping in the general area around the house to search for a good place to start building. Given his incredible speed, Arthur could get a good idea of how far they were.

The isolation ensured the couple’s privacy and brought relief to Arthur. No one else would see him like this. He took this moment to think.

He couldn’t remember how he’d gotten cursed, only what happened after. His mother was the first he told. She was horrified and tried to find a way to reserve or heal it, but unfortunately, it was permanent. His mother would bear the brunt of his actions during the first year. Arthur would wake up the next day with no recollection of the night before and his mother would reassure him that nothing bad happened. She often laughed and told him that he acted like a pup wanting his mother.

There were so many embarrassing stories from that first year that Arthur would often rather forget. Over the next few years, he’d slowly gotten better at regaining control over himself. Now, it was near perfect, but there were still moments that the king would not remember the next day. The lack of recollection often meant that he wasn’t in control. There were so many times in the past where he’d nearly gotten caught by either knights, villagers, or hunters. Those moments taught Arthur what fearing for your life meant.

The king wasn’t sure how long he’d been deep in his own thoughts, staring blankly at the fireplace across the room until he finally noticed something. Something that smelled amazing, coming from the kitchen. He turned to look at the doorway just as Shadow came in holding a plate and fork. As he came closer, Arthur could see that it was a piece of cut up meat on the plate, cooked and seasoned. Shadow held the plate out for Arthur.

“Eat this. It’s cooked rare.” He said. Arthur glanced between the plate and Shadow for a second, then accepted. It was a pleasant surprise when he first learned that Shadow could cook, especially when he tasted it and thought for a minute that his beloved might’ve been a famous chef he’d somehow never heard of. Shadow denied it, but Arthur still had his suspicions. Shadow sat down and stretched his arms up.

The fork was a little harder to hold, but the first bite was amazing. The meat was oddly juice and less tough on the inside, but Arthur wasn’t complaining about it. If anything, it made it even better. Besides, Shadow rarely made mistakes when it came to cooking food. Surely this was how “rare cooked” meat tasted.“This is delicious! But if I may ask, how do you think this will help me?” Arthur asked. He brought another piece into his mouth.

“If your sharper features are any indication, then the diet you should’ve been eating requires a bit more meat. Raw meat, that is.” Shadow started explaining. Arthur very briefly paused eating before swallowing the piece of meat in his mouth.“However, I also worry that too much raw meat would make you sick. Plus, you’re still technically an omnivore. I don’t have the right equipment to get the information I need, so to be on the safe side, I cooked it rare.” Shadow finished.

Arthur glanced at the dark hybrid making himself comfortable on the couch. The fork made a clink sound as he let it rest on the plate.“So all this time, my constant fatigue was a result of my meals lacking the proper meat?” He asked. The thought of hunting and eating raw meat had plagued his mind so many times that he believed it to be from the beast simply wanting to enjoy the bloody act, and not for the food itself.

Not only that, but he always felt especially tired after that night. Arthur always believed that was from the transformation, or perhaps a side effect of the curse.

When he was younger, he was so disgusted by the constant thoughts of eating raw meat, especially if it was from something or someone he killed, he’d go into episodes of sorts where he’d avoid meat all together for days at a time. That would make him feel even worse, and slipping back into eating the meat that was in his meals again would help. Was he so repulsed by his own mind that it did it not occur to him that this was the solution?

“I can’t say for sure, but it’s pretty likely. I wouldn’t have even started cooking if I thought that wasn’t what it was.” Shadow replied. He adjusted his position and turned his body so his back face Arthur’s side. He leaned back and turned his head to the side against Arthur.“Finish up and we can head to bed if you’re tired.” He said.

“Surprisingly, most nights when the moon is full, I am not tired. Rather, I am possibly more awake than before, but that sounds lovely. Thank you, Shadow.” Arthur said. He returned to his meal and the two sat not in silence, but close enough.

Once he was done, Shadow insisted on taking the plate and fork to the kitchen. He won, of course. Then, he blew out the fireplace and plunged them both into near complete darkness, the only light being from the moon shining through the windows and Shadow’s glow.“I suggest we have a sort of trial.” Shadow said. He took Arthur’s hand into his own and began walking into the next room.

Arthur was glad this part of the house was more open to make room for the stairs on the other side of the room, leading up to a small pathway suspended above a vacant doorway to another room. He could walk a little without worrying about having to duck his head any to fit. Shadow led him up the stairs.“Every weekend, I want to bring you over here for dinner, and we’ll see if this change will actually work. Does that sound like a good idea to you?” He asked. Arthur had to be careful in the dark, but Shadow leading him and moving at a slower pace than usual made him feel at ease.

The suggestion sounded like a great idea to him. Even if it didn’t actually help, it would at least ensure him having a planned date night with his beloved every month.“Yes. I’d really like that.” Arthur said. The two walked into Shadow’s bedroom, which was one of the few rooms with a door. Arthur had to duck his head and turn sideways to fit through, but at least the bed was large enough for them as Arthur sat down. He’d much rather not use blankets tonight.

Shadow began to remove his shoes and gloves, but the rings were only off for a very brief time. Arthur wasn’t entirely sure what their purpose was, but the hybrid telling him that they only come off in the most dire circumstances told him all he needed to know about their importance. Shadow placed them neatly beside his bed and the gloves went on the night stand.

He sat down next to Arthur and placed a hand on his shoulder. He brushed that hand through his quills and fur.“You know, this form of yours might not be all that bad. Surely you’ve noticed how easier it is to stay warm in the winter?” Shadow asked. Arthur had to prevent his tail from wagging and reached a hand back to rub his neck a little.

“Yes, I suppose it is. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve often looked forward to the transformation so I wouldn’t be so cold when I was younger.” He replied. He reached his other arm around Shadow and pulled him closer. The form also came with a lot more strength, which Arthur had practiced controlling in the past. Still, even now, he was worried about accidentally crushing his beloved.

Shadow had no such fear and made himself comfortable leaning against his side.“And since your tail is longer now, I can do this.” He said as he closed his eyes.

Before Arthur could ask what he meant, he felt something wrap around his tail. He jolted a little feeling the furs on his tail moved and turned around to see Shadow’s tail hooked around his own. It was a small gesture, not too different from the times Shadow used his tail to hold onto Arthur’s hand or arm, but seeing it made the king’s heart swell up. He turned back at Shadow and smiled.”Let us stay like this for a while, my beloved?” Arthur asked.

Shadow turned his head and nuzzled against Arthur.”For as long as we can.” He said.

Arthur wrapped his arm around him and slowly, trying to be mindful of his size, leaned back until he and Shadow were both laying down on the bed. Surprisingly, it held both of their weight with no problem. Both of their tails moved so they wouldn’t be crushed, but Shadow kept his hold on Arthur’s tail even as it wagged. Arthur lowered his head to touch the top of Shadow��s as the dark hybrid curled up a little. His dark quills and red stripes smelled of lavender, something Arthur could now look at and be instantly reminded of his lover.

A small smile made its way across Arthur’s tan muzzle. If this was how Shadow was reacting to his curse, he regretted not telling him sooner. It eased the king’s worries and warmed his heart to know that Shadow hadn’t been disgusted or disturbed by this form. He wasn’t scared one bit of his sharp teeth and large claws, and he hadn’t found all of the blue fur Arthur would probably get on his bed gross. The only thing he seemed to care about was the fact that he believed to have found a solution for Arthur’s constant fatigue. He didn’t seem to find a need to mention his tail wagging, either.

Shadow accepted it all without a second thought, and now, Arthur would always have a nice weekend dinner to look forward to. Not only that, but something told him that this wouldn’t be the only time he’d spend the full moon in the cabin his beloved built.

(I honestly meant this to be a one-and-done-for-now type of thing, but now I’ve got a few ideas that are admittedly Shadow-centric and focus more on how they could’ve met. Trust me, I think they’re pretty good concepts. Next one (after I finish a WIP from another fandom) will be simply titled “Stars”, and honestly, I meant to finish it last summer. On the bright side, my writing’s better than it was a year ago, so it should be pretty good. I blame the Arthadow Club for this/j . Also, I’m not immune to “werewolf character being overexcited to see their partner”, so I wonder how embarrassing it would be for Arthur to wake up the next morning and ask Shadow if he was okay because he knows that not remembering what happened means he wasn’t in control, and Shadow tells him how he couldn’t even go into the next room without Arthur following him.)

#rb #arthadow #thank you for the food!!#i adore this #fav #i can't believe werehog arthur slipped out of my mind #exquite one-shot #arthur #shads

22 notes · View notes

spacetofv · 14 days

Text

They say the pen is mightier than the sword...

My Dearest Arthur,

Today, as I was heading back to the castle, Galahad stopped me. He pointed out a bird, small and blue like the sky, drinking from a puddle on the ground. We both stopped, watching it as it drank its fill, stretched its wings, and flew away.

It made me think of you.

My love, you try so hard to be the best leader for us all. You do it without complaint, struggling with the problems of a populace, making the decisions that a lesser being wouldn't dare consider. I know how much this burden crushes you, but all the same, I cannot for the life of me think of anyone more worthy than you to hold such power.

I have heard the complaints of those who disagree with your choices. They throw about opinions without care for consequences. They know nothing of the thought you put into every decision you make, and every time I hear some scoundrel run their mouth about how they would do better than you, I feel the urge to silence them, with my words or my blade, I care not which.

The things you do to me, my love...

Yes, you are the most worthy king, of that, I am certain, but you are also the most deserving of the freedom you crave. I see it, Arthur. I see the way you stare out the window, into the sky, beyond the clouds, with such profound longing that I know and understand all too well. It is enough to make a man weep.

...I have wept, I must admit. For you, and over you. If I could grant you your freedom, I would do so in a heartbeat, even if it meant that you would be gone, leaving like that bird, flying away without a backwards glance and never looking back. My grief at your absence would only be assuaged by the knowledge that you are finally unburdened. That you are happy.

Sometimes, I like to imagine that you take me with you. I imagine your hand in mine, and your smile reaching your eyes, the portrait of joy that should never have left your face, and I follow you, just as I have vowed, to the ends of the earth and into the world beyond this life.

I know it is selfish. I know it is impossible. You, Arthur, are the most selfless man I know. I have seen you grow over many years, becoming more and more responsible with time and experience. It is I who has become selfish. It is I who indulges these fantasies of taking you away to bask in your brilliance that I can never get enough of. But you could never betray your people. You could never say yes to a premature freedom. You will not be king forever, and this we both know, and you are willing to wait for the end of your reign while I still imagine ripping you from this life without a care for those that remain behind.

My desires are inconsiderate, not just to you, but to everything you've worked for. To everyone who needs you. To those who need me, too.

I shall never be worthy of you, Arthur, but my heart shall never beat for anyone else in the way it does for you.

Forever yours,

Lancelot

...

Darling Arthur,

Do you remember when we were young? Do you remember when we were but boys, training until we were collapsed on the ground, day after day?

Do you remember the first time you called me 'Lance'?

I hated it back then. I warned you to never call me anything but 'Lancelot' again, for it was my name. It was the name my mother had given me, my mother who saved me and chose me before I even knew how to walk. My name was my link to her, an important part of my identity and my proof of being wanted.

I was, truly, a stupid child.

Now, I treasure the name you gave to me. I do not allow anyone else to use it. 'Lance' is the name you bestowed upon me, a name to signify our own link, our bond... one so close that it makes me dizzy with happiness when I remember just how much we mean to each other. I now hold that name close to my heart, next to my mother's 'Lancelot' and my son's 'Father'.

It pains me that I do not have such a name to give you, my love, save for the endearments in these letters that I shall never send. Yet I never miss how blissful you look when I call you by your given name. You appear unhappy by 'Your Majesty'. You appear troubled by 'my liege'. You appear vexed by 'Sire'.

And so, when I am able, I call you by your name. I call you my friend, so that you know that I love you and that you mean the world to me. You always have, even before my feelings shifted into what they are now.

I see you smile and it is as if I have been struck by lightning. I hear you laugh and I fear I might swoon. If I do even one thing to make you happy, I feel as though I am walking on air, and I wish to do it again, and again, and again, over and over, endless until you never know pain again.

Arthur, the way I feel for you consumes me, like a fire that will never go out. My feelings scorch me, leaving burns and scars that will never fully go away, hidden on the inside where you will never see them. You will never truly know just how deeply this arrow from Cupid's bow has pierced me... I dare say he's emptied his quiver on me, for the mere thought of life without you, without your smile, your warmth, your brilliance, your bravery, your understanding, without you and everything that you are...

I don't dare tell you about these newer feelings of mine. I know you, and I know you will not treat me any different if my particular type of love for you does not match that of yours for me, but my head is clouded by fear. I cannot stop imagining that you shall become uncomfortable in my presence, that you will hold me away at arm's length, that you will look for someone else to court in an attempt to help me move on... All the possibilities are so painful, Arthur. I would rather nothing changed, even though I know my fear is irrational. I should believe in our bond, trust in our friendship, rely on the knowledge that you would never push me away...

I am a coward, my love. To be called the Ultimate Knight feels like a joke, for I am so afraid that I cannot listen to the logic in my own head. My strength of body means nothing if my strength of mind is as fragile as glass.

Yet, even as I long for something different in my relationship with you, I cannot say that I am unhappy with what I do have with you. Perhaps this, too, is why I will not speak these words nor send these letters, for what I already have with you, such a close, personal friendship, is more than I can ask for.

You have always been enough for me, Arthur.

Eternally yours,

Lancelot

...

Glorious Arthur,

I must apologize. I must, for I fear my mind is spinning out of my own control.

Every day I think of you. Every morning when I wake up, every night as I go to sleep, in every spare moment of my life, you are in my waking thoughts.

You haunt my dreams, too. At all moments, it seems, my mind conspires against me. All I want is to be happy with what I have with you, but it appears my desires are only growing, not fading, with time, and they eat me alive with every passing day.

I imagine your forehead against mine, with your hands on my waist. You lift your head, kissing me once on each eyelid, and I feel weaker than I ever have in my life.

I imagine your hands, removing my armor so that they may rest upon me, touching my back, my shoulders, my chest, all areas that I keep guarded under steel and promises. You disarm me, and I allow it. My foolish heart wishes to be vulnerable before you, for I know I will always be able to trust you with myself.

I imagine the lightest touches on my arms, spreading like trails of fire as your fingers slide along my person, and I let myself be consumed.

I imagine your lips pressing to mine, and I lose the ability to breathe.

I imagine your eyes, looking into mine, glowing with care and love and happiness, and I drown without a second thought.

Sometimes I dream of things I dare not write down here, my sweet, for it makes my face burn and my heart race and all I want to do is apologize for thinking of you in such a way. It feels terrible, as though I am taking advantage of you in my thoughts, and I fear that one day you will discover the fantasies of my mind and feel discomfort or disgusted by me.

If I ever lost you, Arthur, I know my world would shatter, and I would never become whole again.

Apologetically yours,

Lancelot

...

Arthur,

I can't stand it. Today, I cannot stand it at all.

I feel desperate, like a caged animal. I feel my soul clawing at my body from within, needing to come out and indulge. My composure is in shambles, my mind is in disarray, and though you are not at fault, it is all because of you.

Arthur, I burn for you. My heart screams and cries out and it's painful. Every inch of me aches for the smallest touch, I long for the basest of acknowledgement from you, a look, a word, a smile, Chaos, anything! Just the thought of you giving me your attention sends me into a fit, and I know that even the brush of your arm against mine as you pass me in the corridor would be enough to bring me to ecstasy!

My head is pounding, my ears playing and replaying the sound of my name coming from your lips, and I crave it. I crave you, my love, and it has never been so powerful or so consuming before. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know why today is the day that I might go mad. I am afraid, Arthur. I am afraid that my need for you is pushing me to the brink of madness and that I will not be able to stop myself from jumping down into it.

Arthur, the love of my life, how can I even begin to fully describe this? I've written so much and yet it is only a crumb of what is flaring inside me. I think of you and I burn up. You are not an inferno, for that is a small candle compared to the one that burns inside me. You are nothing less than the sun in the sky, approaching me to incinerate me in an instant, but even that feels like a pale comparison today.

Arthur, I am deeply sorry, but I fear writing this is only making things worse. I must stop before I

...

My love,

My upcoming mission to Acorn Kingdom is fast approaching. Soon it will be time for me to depart. I hope that, when that day comes, you are not too busy to see me off.

I will miss you terribly while I am gone, but I take peace in knowing that I am doing this for Avalon, and for you. To make this world a better place, and for you to have one less thing to worry about.

It's pathetic, is it not? As a knight, I should be focusing on the best for my kingdom, as I vowed to when you first let Caliburn descend upon my shoulders and gave to me my title, and yet I know the truth.

It's for you, Arthur. It's always been for you.

...

In his study, the king shoves away the stack of letters, his face burning as a chorus of emotion swells within him, unable to take the guilt at having read so many of Lancelot's secret letters. His hands tremble as he searches around his desk for something to write with.

...

Dear Lancelot,

My wonderful Lancelot,

To Lance,

My dearest

Lance,

Please come see me when you have a moment to yourself. Do not be afraid.

Yours,

Arthur

#rb #arthurlot #i have always adored this piece #it’s so vulnerable you could feel and taste every emotion and thought lancelot is spilling out from his heart #lance #arthur #fav

186 notes · View notes