spiritwolf1010

[spiritwolf1010]

Pain

By Spirit Wolf

I'm just a lover girl.

But I am also full of hate.

Whenever the anger hits.

The cracks get too big.

I stay silent.

The anger is building.

I can feel the bloodlust start to rise.

The way you talk to me.

The way you treated me.

Start to mean nothing to me.

I have worked so hard.

To think of the good.

But when things get hard.

It's hard to remember all the love.

All I see is red.

I fight myself in my head.

It feels like everything is shattering.

The pain spilling out.

I grasp at anything to stop the split.

I try to control my breath.

I close my eyes and hold myself.

It's a war inside my head.

I am trying so hard to get back to you.

I have to control myself.

If I lash out.

The guilt could kill me.

Think life would be better without you.

You don't know how lonely it is behind the mask.

Instead of criticism.

Show some love instead.

I try so hard to show all the love to you.

I worked hard to hold on to the love.

When the ones I love show me the pain under their disguise.

I fight so hard for all of you.

I close my eyes and all I see is you.

The pain is just part of you.

It's the same for me too.

Everything i feel makes me feel high.

The love I have for you is 1st.

I don't know how to make you believe it.

The anger is just a response.

To all the abuse.

You just need comfort when you lash out.

I work so hard.

To be the confort for you.

Even the small things that don't matter to you.

I'm just like you.I choose to stay calm for you.

Every small thing feels extra.

I isolate to protect you.

I know how much trouble I used to make.

So I hide the pain.

With a smile on my face.

I don't want to make a irreversible mistake.

All the things I did.

I work so hard.

Just to stay kind.

All the tears I've cried.

I don't do so much.

Just so you don't have to cry.

I stay alive.

I don't carve my skin.

I go along with no plan.

I hold in so much.

For your safety.

I watch my words.

I watch my actions.

If I let out the unfiltered version of me.

I'd a liability.

I just keep the anger inside of me.Every small thing feels extra.

I isolate to protect you.

I know how much trouble I used to make.

So I hide the pain.

With a smile on my face.

I don't want to make a irreversible mistake.

All the things I did.

I work so hard.

Just to stay kind.

All the tears I've cried.

I don't do so much.

Just so you don't have to cry.

I stay alive.

I don't carve my skin.

I go along with no plan.

I hold in so much.

For your safety.

I watch my words.

I watch my actions.

If I let out the unfiltered version of me.

I'd a liability.

I just keep the anger inside of me.

I bite my tounge.

I'm like a loaded gun.

With no safety on.

I had to learn on my own.

I am a loving soul.

I've felt so much pain.

I had to save myself.

I set myself free.

Because no one can really help me.

Besides me.

I learned how to control myself.

Why can't you learn to do the same?

Not just for me.

But for yourself.

It gets so lonely.

Having to hide so much of me from you.

I don't enjoy this.

I used to make so many bad choices.

I've shown my true self.

So many times.

Only to be criticized.

It makes me die inside.

The urges to die.

They rise so high.

I go numb.

All i crave is to feel alive.

I don't want to die.

But I have to keep the anger inside.

Or else I'll break my bones.

The pain I feel inside.

Could break the unbreakable.So I'll go numb.

And just like that.

You like me again.

Without truly knowing the pain I'm in.

It hurts so bad I can't even cry.

It's been like this my whole life.

I can no longer take all the blame.

I can't hold on to all our pain.

I can't let you take it out on me.

If I do ill never get better.

I wrote this.

So hopefully more understand.

The pain we are all in.

I'm proof.

It gets better.

You just have to put the work in.

The End

[spiritwolf1010]

Love

By Spirit Wolf

I was brought into this world easy.

Loving came easy.

Trusting came easy.

All i knew was love.

Abuse is confusing.

It comes from people close to you.

I didn't know what else to expect.

I've experienced some things no one else needs to see.

Little me heads spinning.

If love is all I know.

Why does this touch feel so wrong.

I've only ever knew what my mother knew not to do.

I knew even at a young age what love was.

The people who love me most inflict more pain than they would ever know.

Reacting to the pain they carry deep.

Abuse isn't hereditary.

You just don't know it yet.

All my life I just saw people and wanted to love.

From a young age I knew so much darkness.

All the rage I kept inside.

I choose to keep it inside.

It changes you.

It really fucks you up.

At 11 I wanted to die.

I thought true love was a lie.

I always used to think how could you do this to me?

The people I loved changed me.

I learned from all the people I met.

All the pain was just part of it I guess.

I was young but more emotionally intelligent.

I spent alot of time alone.

Just me myself and I.

The loneliness almost killed me.

It took a few years.

I grew up.

I saved myself.

Now I surround myself with all of you.

I won't let the pain be my down fall.

And I know it's a choice to stay fucked up.

I know it isn't as it seems.

I don't need drugs to get me high.

I was born showing people the light.

I just wanted somebody to love.

I just wanted somebody to love me like me.

Loving came easy.

Loving people gives me a high.

Loving people makes me feel like I'm out of my mind.

Sometimes I think I'm out of my mind.

Worked hard to change my mind.

Abuse fucked up my mind.

I had to protect myself.

Many late nights.

Just the Moon and I.

Dreaming of something perfect.

When I was a kid I thought everything was perfect.

Everything's easy when it was perfect.

Noone is perfect.

The people who showed me the most love have hurt me the most.

Senstive maybe.

But I still chose love.

I know I messed up.

I know and I'm sorry.

I thank all who were patient with me.

I'm sorry to all that were hurt by me.

I didn't want to give up.

I just wanted to love you.

I had to run.

You were making me into someone I didn't want to be.

I only mirrored what was in front of me.

I am who I am because I want to be.

You won't be my down fall.

I didn't know hate existed until I met you.

Abuse made me.

The split in me.

I am the perfect fuse.

Loving made me.

And I'm choosing to love you.

Loving is me.

Loving come easy.

Noone is perfect.

Real life open my eyes.

Life isn't easy.

Life is fucked up.

Abusing is easy.

Abusing is fucked up.

Abusing doesn't make anything alright.

Abusing hurts.

Hurt causes pain.

Pain can drive anyone insane.

Choosing to heal isn't easy.

It is fucked up.

Not many can handle it.

So they choose to stay fucked up.

No one is born fucked up.

(I'll say it again)

Loving is Easy.

Abuse Is fucked up.

Choose to love more.

It's easy to be bitter.

Everyday I always try to love more.

I used to wanna be someone else.

Everyday I'm trying not to hate myself.

Everyday I live with the same pain over and over again.

I am not weak.

I have seen everything.

I still choose to be me.

A better me.

I was shown love.

I was shown pain.

Pain turned to rage.

So much time to learn and people choose to stay the same.

They choose not to change.

And say it's my fault.

I don't think so.

I was only reacting to the pain you caused me.

I'm proof it's possible to change.

My little body grew from pain.

The pain changes you.

It awakens you.

You become the great protector.

You learn to protect you.

I take all the rage.

All the pain.

I turn it into love.

Because

Loving comes easy.

Understanding is pain.

I know pain.

I know love.

I know mistakes come easy.

I know right from wrong.

I know accountability.

We only know what we're taught.

I was taught wrong and I knew for sure that isn't what I want.

I let all the hate out.

I turn it to love.

If you can hate so easy.

You can love easy too.

Used to say the devil was in me.

Claiming you knew me.

You brought out the fear in me.

Fear leads to people pleasing.

That wasn't good for me.

I was in pain and didn't even hide it.

I wasn't shown love.

I was shown I had to grow up.

All I did was question why you hadn't done it yet.

Loving is Easy.

I am proof that loving is easy.

Abuse is fucked up.

It's a choice to be fucked up.

It's not hard to love eachother.

[spiritwolf1010]

Get By

By Spirit Wolf

I know I said I was hungry.

I know I said I wanted to eat.

I didn't know that meant,

That there was a game to beat.

The world is so money hungry.

I know I have to have a goal.

Now that my plate is full.

It weighs heavy on my soul.

Now I can barely eat.

I always feel too full.

I know I said I was hungry.

I haven't even reached my goals.

But my plate is too full.

And my glass is not full.

I know I said I was hungry.

Now i only have 1 goal.

To survive through daily life.

Without falling into a hole.

I know it was never meant to be easy.

But I'm struggling truth be told.

This hole I'm in.

Is starting to get too comfortable.

I'm making it my home.

Cuz I have no other choice.

I'll make it nice.

I'll make it whole.

Because I just want to feel at full.

Filled with trauma and dispare.

I know it won't dissappear.

But I can at least make use of my time.

I can learn about why.

I can learn about life.

I have the time.

I don't understand.

The rules of the game I play in.

But I'll get by.

I have the time

To learn how to survive.

[spiritwolf1010]

Get By

By Spirit Wolf

I know I said I was hungry.

I know I said I wanted to eat.

I didn't know that meant,

That there was a game to beat.

The world is so money hungry.

I know I have to have a goal.

Now that my plate is full.

It weighs heavy on my soul.

Now I can barely eat.

I always feel too full.

I know I said I was hungry.

I haven't even reached my goals.

But my plate is too full.

And my glass is not full.

I know I said I was hungry.

Now i only have 1 goal.

To survive through daily life.

Without falling into a hole.

I know it was never meant to be easy.

But I'm struggling truth be told.

This hole I'm in.

Is starting to get too comfortable.

I'm making it my home.

Cuz I have no other choice.

I'll make it nice.

I'll make it whole.

Because I just want to feel at full.

Filled with trauma and dispare.

I know it won't dissappear.

But I can at least make use of my time.

I can learn about why.

I can learn about life.

I have the time.

I don't understand.

The rules of the game I play in.

But I'll get by.

I have the time

To learn how to survive.

[spiritwolf1010]

Love Yourself

By Spirit Wolf

Love yourself enough to rest.

Love yourself enough live.

Love yourself enough to better yourself.

Love yourself enough to do more than just exist.

Love yourself enough to stay away from stupid shit.

Just love yourself you little shit.