squanchmallow

[squanchmallow]

you ever get assigned something as a project in school and for the rest of your life you have a strange attachment to the subject. in like seventh grade i had an assignment to make a poster about the elemental propoerties of osmium and to this day everytime someone mentions it im like 'YEAAAAAAH OSMIUM MENTIONED!!!!!!!!'

[squanchmallow]

i can’t wait for when chatGPT and ai image generation also crashes and each prompt cost $50 an attempt. oh you can’t get your stolen big tiddy anime ghibli art for free anymore? you want to buy real big boy art from real artists now? beg for it. beg for it like a dog.

[squanchmallow]

at a certain point you just get tired of your own shit. you have to force yourself to meditate, workout, eat mindfully and read the books to form a routine that gives you a sense of happiness within yourself again. it’s exhausting i know, but you gotta keep fighting for yourself because no one will take care and love you the way you can for own being. this life is not something to go bout so casually, everyday is your first and last time to embrace this moment. this life was gifted to you with a planet to explore and souls to experience. so show up for yourself.

[squanchmallow]

I love that ultimately Suitcase Full of Sparks is a wistful guy saying "yeah I'm done being a hoe, what's up with you?"

[squanchmallow]

"never kill yourself" is perhaps my favourite meme these days. there will always be joy in your future and you just need to stick it out to find it

[squanchmallow]

Folk magic isn't just about (re)connecting with your regional or ancestral magic practices. That's just scratching the surface.

Folk magic is also learning about the biodiversity, culture, and political state of your region.

[squanchmallow]

let the hard animal of your body hate what it hates

[squanchmallow]

[squanchmallow]

At work there used to be a sign on a few things that would say like "if this bubbles, run for your life" and "if you hear thumping run for cover" and "bears can and will kill you" and really in general I wish the park service was more willing to say "you are not at home, you are not at disneyland, you can die here and you can die so badly your family will have to bury an empty casket because no one will risk their own life to collect your idiot corpse."

[squanchmallow]

There's no other place I can say this and have it make sense, but Caroline Kennedy is SO Shiv Roy core

[squanchmallow]

It came to me in a dream (drinking 20oz of cold brew and paying with my soul)

[squanchmallow]

Aura reading but it's just the hex code for the lint left behind after you dry your clothes

[squanchmallow]

mary oliver I’ll be honest I have not endured loneliness with grace

[squanchmallow]

hey i just got back from celebrate-Halloween-every-day island and they say you're welcome to visit any time, let's go

[squanchmallow]

you stick your fingers in my cage... my pitch black cage. you feel something cold and wet...you retract your fingers and to your horror you realize i painted your nails! :) i hope you like them

[squanchmallow]

As Kinktober begins, your friendly older tumblr aunt is here to remind you that not all sex you read about online is accurate or even possible! :)

Here are some fun reminders!

Always, always, check for consent before you begin anything with someone else! Check ins during are also good and hot!!!

Use lube - not just spit. Lube is designed to last on your body while spit is soaked into your skin and therefore, not useful. (By all means, if you wanna spit after you’ve applied lube and your partner is into it? Go for it. But lube up first!)

Most people with female anatomy cannot squirt and before you say “it’s in porn!!” Please know that it’s an actual skill that you have to train your body to do. Some people can naturally relax the right muscles - most can’t.

For most people, a 10+ inch dick is ridiculously large and would hurt. Size doesn’t matter half as much as fics make it out to matter -there are so many other factors that matter significantly more. (Angle!! Friction, LUBE, speed, position, etc.)

It’s totally fine (and normal!) to not have an orgasm during sex. Especially if it’s your first time. Yes, even those with male anatomy. Sometimes, sex is about the closeness and the experience, not the orgasm.

USE PROTECTION! Never ever assume your partner is using some form of protection. YOU MUST DISCUSS THIS WITH YOUR PARTNER. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Also, condoms are supposed to be tight on a penis. You can wear the wrong size and it will not work the right way. They can fall off if they’re too big or break from being too tight. However, unless someone has a literal allergy, it being “uncomfortable” is not a valid excuse to not wear a condom. And hey! You/they DO have an allergy?? Guess what - they probably make a condom that you’re not allergic to!! Isn’t science neat? :)

When you put on a condom you need to leave room at the tip. You need to pinch that left over space and verify there are no air bubbles. If there are air bubbles - it’s going to break. If you don’t leave that extra space? It’s going to break. Quite a few condom brands have a built in “ reservoir tip”. If the brand you prefer doesn’t, make sure to physically check that there is room.

NEVER HAVE ANAL SEX WITHOUT LUBE. Yep, back to lube! Guess what happens when you don’t use it? PAIN. The anus does NOT stretch naturally. You have to work it open - PREP WORK. It will tear, it will hurt, and your fun time will be over before it ever began.

Choking someone can be incredibly dangerous if not done properly. Do your research. Your goal isn’t to crush someone’s trachea - that can cause actual permanent damage.

CONSENT! IS! HOT!

Most sex isn’t a BDSM situation. Most people will never enter that type of partnership. BDSM is much, much more than “dominant/submissive”.

On that note, being submissive does not mean always whining, whimpering, or crying. It can mean this - but being submissive is about giving up control and trusting someone else to give you what you need. Submissive does not equal infantilization.

Other hand! Being a dominant does not mean being hard, rough, and emotionally closed off. A dominant understands they are being handed trust from someone and they take that role very, very seriously. Being dominant does not equal being a dick.

“Vanilla” sex is not boring. The term actually was created in the ‘70s but the definition varies depending on the subset of people talking. (Monogamous vs. polyamorous, sexual preference, etc.)

Finally!!

It is completely and totally okay and normal to read about something and like it but not ever want to do it in real life. It’s okay to not like reading about something but enjoy it in real life. It’s okay to try something and never want to do it again or stop halfway through.

It is not okay to shame anyone else for their preferences, even if they differ from your own. :)

Please remember as you’re reading through all the fun fics that they are just that - fiction. Real life is never quite like it’s written and that’s okay! Be safe, do research from real experts, and remember to be nice to your authors!

Enjoy Kinktober!

Signed,

A concerned older tumblr aunt

[squanchmallow]

you can find lady hestia in the cup of hot beverage you have in the morning. she is that perfect sip, when the temperature is right, not too hot, not cold, when your whole body warms up, you sit a little more relaxed, everything seems fine and the next sip makes everything more approachable. when you finish the cup, you are warmer, your body is relaxed, ideas are already forming and your hands are ready to craft, you are ready for the day, and it's not even the biggest of lady hestia's blessings