squiddokiddo

[squiddokiddo]

I want you to know that if you lost years of your life as a result of your trauma that it is not too late to still have a good life. It might not be the life you thought you’d have, but it can still be good. You’re going to be okay. 

[squiddokiddo]

**In the most snide and cold voice that honestly deserves an oscar**

"Now why would I want to live in a world like that? I fully intend to keep the lights on... For a very steep price."

context - there was a powercut yesterday

my autistic ass started screaming "A WORLD WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY! A WORLD WITHOUT POWER!"

someone help me istg

[squiddokiddo]

2015? that wasnt even that long ago. it was only... [doing the math] ohhh. ohhh..... oh dear...

[squiddokiddo]

Whumpee clinging to the stranger who saved them. Overwhelmed with relief because someone was kind, someone wanted to help them. They’ve never been handled with this much care and they’re desperate for it.

[squiddokiddo]

Does anyone else think that when the zero-xl happened Jeff was still lost in his grief over his wife, and he knew what would happen by going to stop the Hood but he was in his self destructive era so didn’t care? Like, he didn’t even think about being launched into space he thought it would just straight up explode. And it was only when he was stuck in the oort cloud did he realise what he'd done and what he'd left behind and how much his sons would miss him and how he'd left them with no parents instead of just one. And then when he gets rescued he cherishes every moment with his family to make up for the time he lost with them all because he was selfish and only thinking of himself.

[squiddokiddo]

living with borderline personality disorder is fucking WILD because one moment i feel like i'm just living one loooong extended crisis where every moment i have ever known is agony and the best thing i could hope for is for all of it to STOP forever and then next i feel sunlight on my skin and someone i love tells me they love me and suddenly all is right in my tiny world and i feel like i can continue fending off the horrors of it all for this eternity and then the next with nothing but my steady aim and aching heart and thats all fine

[squiddokiddo]

Veeeennnttt!!!

I am SICK of people FUCKING LYING TO ME!!!

People not taking responsibility for things they did, people feeding my content into AI and fucking lying about not realising. Someone else lying to me about having their art stolen when it was very clearly impossible, someone hiding behind multiple accounts and lying about who they are, abandoning their old accounts when I fucking block them to then make new ones so they can still interact with me on anon (yeah I fucking KNOW and it's creepy!!). People irl lying to me about being harassed, lying about being fired because of said harassment and lying to me about their age, being nearly 10 years older than they said while convincing me and a friend to come over and drink!!

I AM TIRED OF LIES!! SICK TO THE BACK TEETH OF LYING CREEPS!!! I NEED THEM TO ALL GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! I am already suffering from all sorts of shit and I don't need all THIS on top of it!!! I am tired of having to figure out who's fucking lying all the time!!!!

[squiddokiddo]

Sending more hugs 🫂

Thanks anon.💛

[squiddokiddo]

You can tell how unwell I am by how I think of Gordon. Obviously he's my comfort character and I love him very much but sometimes I become so ill that I just feel like he'd hate me and then I don't find comfort in him anymore because I don't deserve comfort because he hates me. It's stupid.

As you can probably tell, I'm not ok. He's pretty much my only source of security and comfort and I feel like I'm losing that right now because I feel like a horrible person.

[squiddokiddo]

Turns out showing the pain you feel changes nothing

[squiddokiddo]

Hey I'm really sorry but you'll have to wait on those requests. I've fallen into a deep deep deeep depressive episode and I can't even draw anything rn.

Sorry.

I suppose since I have nothing else to do, I'm opening up art requests.✨

Reminder that anons have been turned off because of all the dodgy stuff happening lately, I no longer feel comfortable making art for people I don't know. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience, I hate it as well but apparently we can't do anything here anymore without needing to look over our shoulders for thieves feeding stuff into AI or creeps or bullies.

[squiddokiddo]

I think I'm coming out the other side of it now. I'm not exactly ok but a lot less "writhing with burning self hatered"

I'm sorry.

[squiddokiddo]

My whole brain is a huge mess, I'm jumping from activity to activity, scrolling, YouTube checking Tumblr, playing on my switch. Around and around and around, I can't keep my concentration. I feel toxic and heavy and sludgey. I feel burning guilt and shame and disgust towards myself and desperately want to just cut myself off from everyone.

I just feel very sick.

I need everyone to ignore me while I dig myself deeper and deeper into my self destructive tendencies and then pretend none of it ever happened when I final claw myself back out of this depressive self loathing pit I'm currently in

[squiddokiddo]

I think maybe I need people to just validate all of the horrible things I think about myself.

Like: "Yeah you are aggressive and manipulative and needy and obnoxious and just an awful person in general, you're correct you don't deserve love and everyone hates you and so do I."

I need everyone to ignore me while I dig myself deeper and deeper into my self destructive tendencies and then pretend none of it ever happened when I final claw myself back out of this depressive self loathing pit I'm currently in

[squiddokiddo]

I need everyone to ignore me while I dig myself deeper and deeper into my self destructive tendencies and then pretend none of it ever happened when I final claw myself back out of this depressive self loathing pit I'm currently in

[squiddokiddo]

im such a bad person it gets pathetic at a certain point