ssssc0m

[ssssc0m]

illuminate me

chapter 3 -

previous chapter | next chapter

- summary : tonight is the night of the winter dance, you dance with Jesse most of the night and end up trying to comfort joel after an argument with ellie. Joel lashes out at you and you end up at an after party at Jesse’s house and things get sexual between you both.

- warnings : use of slurs against lgbtq, slight (and i mean very slight) angst, swearing, drinking, use of marijuana, kissing, sex, sex whilst under the influence, heavy petting, unprotected piv (if i missed any warnings please lmk!)

- word count : 7.7k

-

- a/n : longest chapter so far, i know this chapter is extremely random and seems like joel is not even a character in this 😫 i promise, it’s coming im just trying to build the story!! i am also considering changing the way i write the main character and i’m thinking of giving a name and face to the character. let me know what you think. (this is also messily proofread so give me some slack okay :P) thank you for being so patient! love you all <3

1 month later. The grating sound of your new alarm was blaring into your eardrums, your sleep slipping away into the dull morning air. The sunlight was seeping in through your curtains, the beams of light casting the room in a golden glow.

Your bedsheets were tousled, disturbed by the night you must have had and your hair was splayed out in winding patterns over your pillow, tangled with sleep.

A languid groan made its way past your lips as you sat up and stretched, stiff arms shooting out by your sides. You slid out from beneath your sheets, making your growingly familiar walk to the bathroom across the hallway from your bedroom.

Your eyes flitted towards the mirror directly ahead, taking in your form in the reflection, all swollen and tired looking. Your hands pulled on the silver handle of the faucet, cool water flowing out and landing sloppily into the sink. Your hands formed a cup, collecting some of it and splashing it onto your face.

You continued with the rest of your routine, and soon, you were downstairs, in your chair in the kitchen.

One leg was propped up on the seat, your arm curled around your calf. You were sat by the window, thinking about Maria and Tommy.

A few days after you had woken up, Tommy told you about a house that had just opened up on the other side of Jackson.

He told you that the previous owners had left for another settlement and so the house was left empty.

“I know you ain’t know us too well... N’ I jus’ thought you might like a place of your own.”

You took him up on the offer, agreeing with him. It was true, you didn't know them very well. But in the small amount of time, you had known them, they had shown you nothing but kindness.

Maria reminded you a lot of your mother, she was always coming around to see you and check on how you were doing.

You’d asked her if she could put you on patrols. She hadn’t said no so quickly to you before.

Truthfully, as much as Jackson was secure and a nice place, it was almost suffocating. You’d spent most of your life trying to survive; every day being a fight. And now that it didn’t have to be, it was like your brain had gone into overdrive.

It was understandable that she didn't want you patrolling, it was soon.

Yes, you were mostly healed.

But she still didn’t trust it.

She’d gotten you a job in the tipsy bison instead. Your guess was that it was her way of keeping you occupied so you’d stop asking.

You didn't mind much though.

It paid in food and water that you didn’t have to grow or collect yourself.

You were working there today. Seth said he would probably only need you for a few hours, considering you were both going to the winter dance.

You’d been trying to get to know a few of the regulars whilst you were there, hoping that it might make your job just that little bit easier if you were familiar with everyone.

So far, you were only familiar with one customer. Joel. He came in every so often. Always ordered the same thing. A double JD, straight.

He was slightly predictable in that sense, in the time you’d worked here, you’d never seen him order anything different.

Since he and tommy brought you here, you hadn’t really spoken to each other. It’d been made out to you that he was really keen to know how you were doing. If anything, it seemed like quite the opposite. Your attention drifted away from Joel as your eyes lingered on the clock.

10:53.

You didn’t have too long before you needed to get ready. Seth wanted you there no later than noon.

You stood up from the kitchen chair, wandering around the kitchen island and to the fridge.

You made yourself some of the granola you'd had delivered a couple days ago, eating it whilst leaning over the counter and washed the dishes before you headed upstairs and back into your bedroom, searching your wardrobe for something to wear.

You settled on a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved top. You made sure to wear your fluffy socks and comfy boots as usual and searched around your room to find your hairbrush.

The bristles combed out your tangled knots and left your waves slightly fizzy. You tucked your front pieces behind your ears and leaned up from the mirror you were looking into whilst patting your back pocket, feeling for keys.

You felt the bulk of the keychain Tommy had put on them for you, so you didn’t lose them, and you stopped searching.

You took one last glance at your room before you left, pulling the door closed behind you as you made your way to the staircase.

When you reached the bottom of the stairs, you took your fleece lined winter jacket from the hook, pulling it over yourself as you left the house, the door clicking locked behind you.

The walk to work was usually quite peaceful, especially when it it was cold.

Today was cold, but not unusually.

You’d gotten used to the comfortable chill that lingered around Jackson. You were always properly clothed and fed now, so it didn’t bother you like it used to.

The trail you usually walked was completely empty this morning. Most people were probably at home or work or at least cooped up somewhere warm at this time of the morning.

You watched your misty breath dance in front of you as you exhaled, the cold chill in the air freezing it as it escaped your mouth.

The semi-melted icy snow crunched under your boots with each step, filling the silence with the proof of your presence.

When you finally arrived at work and pushed through the solid oak doors, you saw Seth stood behind the bar, glaring toward you.

As soon as he realized who it was, he gestured for you to come over with his head.

You unzipped your coat as you walked up toward the bar, hanging it up and stepping towards Seth.

“Hiya, everythin’ alright?”

“Yeah. Need your help tonight. It’s the winter dance.”

His face told you he wasn’t really interested, likely Maria bossing him around and forcing him into it.

You didn’t really know what it was in all honesty, you’d heard mentions of it when you’d been working, but you weren't too familiar with the idea.

It was still so foreign to you that people were able to live so ‘regular’ lives. To the people of Jackson, this seemed like normal, but it hadn’t started to feel normal to you yet.

You still had nightmares some nights, waking up in cold sweats with your heart thrumming against your chest. The memory of that runner on top of you was burnt into your mind, haunting you like a malevolent ghost.

“So... Most of Jackson’s gonna be there. We’re having it here, so I'm gonna need you to move the tables from the middle of the room to the sides.”

He wagged his finger as he spoke, gesturing to where he was talking about.

You nodded behind him, listening intently to his instructions.

You didn’t have to have worked with Seth for a long time to know that you don't want to piss him off by not listening the first time.

You both spoke about who was doing what and Seth quickly disappeared into the kitchen, getting to work prepping snacks and drinks whilst you wrote up a checklist.

It didn't take you as long as you thought it would, you were both finished by about 5pm which freed up some time for you to pay close attention to the smaller jobs.

There were multicolored streamers draped from each corner of the room, intertwined with the lights.

You’d put up the banners Tommy had brought to the bison for tonight and cleared the tables, creating a makeshift dance-floor big enough for people to move comfortably.

You made sure the whole place was dusted and swept too, before emptying the dirty contents into the trash can outside.

When you came back inside, you walked over to the plug dangling loosely from the bulbous string lights draped across the ceiling.

You pushed the plug into the socket and the lights hummed steadily as the power lit them up. With perfect timing, Seth came back into the front of the bar, pulling a face and nodding in amusement as he took the whole place in.

“Looks good, kid.”

When he looked over to you, he held back a scoff at your flushed cheeks and long dark hair pulled haphazardly into a ponytail.

“Alright, we should be good here. You’re good to go change. See you soon.”

“Thanks, see ya later Seth.”

JOELS POV

The house was silent.

Ellie had moved out 3 months ago, and at first it was a good thing. You’d caught her getting a tattoo in her bedroom and you’d both decided that it would be a good idea for her to move into the garage.

She was getting older now, she deserves her own space.

You’d also confessed everything about the fireflies to her. You’d always known she’d find out eventually, but you’d always hoped that she would agree with your decision.

Ellie had only grown cold towards you.

It was hard.

When she first moved out, she still spent a lot of her time in the main house. Now, it felt like you barely saw her.

She was constantly out with Jessie and Dina and never wanted to spend time with you anymore.

You’d become accustomed to the quiet. When you’re living in a house alone, in a gated community, there isn’t too much to hear.

You get used to it.

Tonight, you were going to the winter dance. You were hoping Ellie would show, so you could see her.

And it’d be nice for her to maybe make some friends other than Jessie and Dina.

It’d taken you a while to find your outfit.

Not because you were picky, solely because you’d been behind on your laundry recently and didn't have much to choose from.

When you finally decided, you went with a blue button up.

Blue was wintery right?

Your belt was looped through the jeans around your hips, the chunky buckle peeking out from beneath the hem of your shirt.

You lumbered down your stairs, grunting as you leant down to pick your boots up from the floor. You pulled them up onto your feet with a huff, stamping your feet to work your heels into them properly.

You were almost ready to go when you remembered your jacket.

You’d left it in your workshop, hung up on your coat rack.

When you went to get it, your eyes caught on the other coat hanging beside it.

It was almost the same, except this one was marred with a deep red stain. Blood, spread messily across the front.

You hadn’t washed it yet, it likely wouldn’t come out anyways.

But she hadn’t left your head.

You’d stopped by at Tommy’s the day after she woke up. Hadn’t said much.

Neither had she.

There was something unspoken between you two. Or at least you thought so. Other than then, you hadn’t seen her too much.

Maria had hired her to work at the Tipsy Bison, and you’d seen her in there a few times. But you’d stopped drinking in there.

You didn’t enjoy stumbling home to an empty house too much.

A huff left your mouth as you snatched the untarnished coat off the rack, shrugging it on as you stomped your way out of your front door and over to the bison.

Music was already flooding Jackson, the melodies filling the space around the bison.

When Seth sent you home, you’d spent that time braiding your hair to set the style for the few hours you had until the dance.

By the time you’d taken them out, your hair was beautifully wavy, cascading down your shoulders and brushing your back.

You’d worn a maroon camisole under your winter coat and a pair of flared denim jeans that were decorated with designs on the back pockets.

You had a brown belt with a horseshoe buckle on, keeping your jeans tight around your waist. Your cowboy boots were peeking out beneath the denim of your jeans as you took each step, the crunch of gravel surrounding you as people all headed in the same direction.

Back at your QZ, there were smaller versions of these dances.

Held between the people who chose to go against the FEDRA, of course.

The ones you’d been to had been incredible.

You picked up how to dance quite easily.

Your mother had told you back before the outbreak, people used to dance as a career.

Life seemed so trivial then.

Besides the point, you’d gotten quite good at it, and you were looking forward to this.

Your wounds had scarred now; the scars weren’t entirely healed but it didn’t seem like it’d be much more than a week before they were all good.

They were still in the shiny pink stage but you were sure they’d whiten soon enough.

When you finally came into view of the bar, you could see how many people had shown up through the windows, everyone moving in unison. You followed a couple into the bar, your body already instinctively swaying gently to the sounds.

You thought it would be a good idea to stay out of the crowd and watch for a little while until the crowd settled a bit.

You walked over to the bar and leant your back against it, kicking one foot out and crossing it over the other.

An amused smile made its way onto your face as you watched everyone having fun and tapped your foot to the rhythm.

“Are you the one who was in like- a coma?”

The voice caught you off guard and it took you a second to process the question as you turned to see who had asked it.

Stood at your side with a glass of whiskey in his hand was a tall, sturdy Asian American guy about your age. Maybe a little younger.

His features were strong, and he had deep brown eyes.

The question finally registered when you realized he was staring at you with a slight smirk, clearly waiting for a response.

“Uhm.”

You let out a chuckle as you stood upright to properly respond, one hip popped.

“I mean unless there's another person who was in a coma that I didn’t know of, then yeah. That’s me.”

He nodded and raised his eyebrows, your sassy smile intriguing him.

“Nice. Want to dance?”

he placed his drink down on the counter with a clunk and took a few steps forward, holding his now free hand out to you.

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, your eyes slightly squinted at him as you tried to decipher the extremely odd conversation you’d just had. If you could even call it a conversation.

“Sure.”

You replied with a chuckle and shook your head in bewilderment.

You placed your hand in his and he closed his palm around yours, leading you into the middle of the makeshift dance floor.

The music picked up, and an upbeat country song started to play. You recognized it at once as country swing and chuckled at him, shaking your head. “You might have sore feet after this, I'm not good at this at all.”

He smiled down at you, letting his free hand find your waist whilst he got a better grip on your hand.

“Don’t worry, I am.”

He threw you a cocky smile as the music picked up and he immediately twirled you around, twisting and turning around your body with ease.

You giggled with each turn, the fast-paced movement making you dizzy.

He caught you off guard when he looped an arm around your waist and lowered you, your back arching as he dipped you to the floor. Your leg bent at the knee as he did so, your hair dangling down toward the floor for a moment until he pulled you back in, continuing to dance you around the floor.

Someone called something over the music coming through the speaker and suddenly, everyone was up and shuffling towards the dance floor.

Your laughter rung out through the bar as you danced, your smile infectious as Jesse beamed down at you.

“You too dizzy yet?”

You shook your head in response, lying through your teeth. Your head was starting to reel. His movement became tighter as the space to move became more confined, finally slowing down the spins.

He spun you once more, slower this time and when you faced him, you felt someone at your back, their rough hands at your waist.

“Joel, come on! She was getting the hang of it then!”

His words sounded harsh but the look on his face was nothing but smiles.

“M’ sorry, kid.” hands pulled you back into solid chest and turned you around to face them. Joel. You’d assumed so from the voice but was a little taken aback by the steal.

He was a little bit taller than Jesse, only by a few inches but you were looking up at him when you noticed the music come to an end.

The music slowed down into a quieter song and you watched people disperse from the crowd.

It seemed to be mostly couples on the floor now but neither you nor Joel seemed like you wanted to move.

“How’re you doin’ sugar?”

He asked as his hands fell to your waist, his thumbs gently brushing your back.

The nickname made your cheeks flush ever so slightly as you looked up at him and gave him a coy smile.

His smell was surrounding you. He smelt faintly of coffee with hints of cigarette smoke and musk. It wasn’t an overpowering smell, just enough to make you desperate for more.

You put your arms around his neck and leaned your head to the side slightly as you said,

“I'm doing okay, Maria and Tommy moved me into a house. I’m not sure if you’ve heard.”

He nodded and looked up behind you for a second.

“Yeah... I’ve heard.”

His voice was low and quiet as you watched his dark molasses eyes follow something behind you, distracting him.

You felt his fingers tighten ever so slightly on your waist as he continued to sway with you.

You honestly thought his distraction just meant he was uninterested and accepted the likeliness of that, all whilst mirroring his movements and swaying with him.

Someone called something out and it brought your attention over to the conversation unfolding behind you.

“Hey! This is a family event.”

You knew that voice and it made you turn your head.

Ellie and Dina were stood in front of him, now looking embarrassed and awkward.

“Sorry...”

Seth was stood there with a face like thunder, brows furrowed, and jaw clenched.

Dina repeated herself and she grabbed onto Ellies hand, gently pulling her away from Seth as he stayed planted in the same spot, eyes following them.

He stumbled forward slightly, clearly showing he’d had way too much to drink.

You heard Joel scoff at the argument unfolding before him, making it clear that he knew Seth was being pathetic but even clearer that he didn’t see it escalating.

“Remember next time there's kids around.”

a scoff left Dina as she turned to face him, barking back

“Oh yeah, like you’re setting such a great example.”

Seth’s face screwed up at her talking back and he grit his teeth as he spat back at her,

“Oh great, just what this town needs. Another loud-mouthed d*ke.”

Before the sentence had even fully left his mouth, you felt Joel’s hands slip from around you as he charged over, fury in his walk.

Ellie spun round, walking towards Seth with her finger pointed at him,

“What the fuck did you just say?”

Joel reached him first, shoving Seth and sending him crashing to the floor.

Everyone gasped and the music abruptly stopped as you brought your hand to your mouth- in absolute shock.

Joel’s eyes were dark, and you could see the muscles in his jaw twitching with restraint as he stared down at Seth on the floor.

“Get the hell outta here.”

he spat as he pointed his finger at him and huffed through his nostrils.

Maria immediately rushed to his side and helped him up and you moved to help. By help, it was mostly Maria you were helping, but when Seth felt you help him up, he gave you that same glare he gave Ellie and Dina.

“Get off me now- Don't even belong here.”

he spat, causing you to let go and hold your hands up in surrender as Tommy stepped in, helping Maria walk him outside.

The words dropped to your stomach, leaving a sick feeling where they settled.

Joel’s voice sounded from behind you; concern laced into his voice.

“R’ you, okay?”

You turned when silence followed and saw the astonished look upon Ellie’s face.

“What is wrong with you?”

she spat, shaking her head-- “I don’t need your fucking help.”

You watched Joel look around, scanning everyone's reactions for a second before his head hung low and he nodded.

“Right.”

He looked back up at Ellie for a second before he walked away from her.

That whole situation had sent everyone- including you- into stunned silence. It wasn’t even 11 yet but you decided now was probably a good time for everyone to go home.

You looked around and called out thank you’s to everyone and made them all aware that it was time to go.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Joel walk out of the back door, slamming the door behind him-- you made a mental note to go and check on him once everyone was out.

There was a steady stream of people flowing out of the front doors when Jesse came over, giving you a half smile.

“Shit dude- I didn’t see that happening tonight...” his awkward chuckle rang in your ears, earning a tight-lipped nod in response.

“Regardless of all this, I sort of had fun. With you at least. You should come hang with us later, we’re gonna meet up at mine. Oh and it’s Jesse- By the way.”

You recognized the look in his eyes as the look he gave you earlier and it brought that same chuckle back.

“Yeah, I'll see if i can make it. What street are you on?”

“Church street, the house number is 32.”

He said as he walked backwards, pointing behind him as he turned to Ellie and Dina stood outside and walked out of the doors, leaving you as the last person in the bar.

You ran your fingers through your hair as you walked towards the doors, dead-bolting them and turning to them, pressing your back against them and exhaling slowly.

You gave yourself a moment to process what had happened tonight, remembering Joel outside as you did.

You sighed and stood upright again, not letting it get to you.

Seth was drunk, clearly.

You just got caught in the crossfire.

You stepped towards the back door, gently pushing the heavy steel door open, the cold air dancing over you and gently blowing your hair.

You peered around the door; slim fingers curled around the door as your eyes caught on the man sat on the step to your right.

He had his elbows resting on his knees, fingers raked through his hair in thought.

“Joel?”

He turned slowly at his name, looking up at you with those glassy brown eyes.

Baby, I've never seen brown eyes look so blue

The door closed behind you as you moved to sit beside him, pulling one leg to your chest and lowering yourself down to the ground beside him.

When you sat down on the concrete steps, the icy cold penetrated your skin, the frosty chill spreading through you.

You hugged your leg tight, your coat helping a little to keep the cold away.

When you turned to look at him, his face was turned away; a ghost of anger and upset left upon his face. His eyebrows were drawn together the slightest bit, the light worry lines showing between them.

Joel finally moved, the rustle of his coat being the only sound.

He turned away from you slightly, fishing in his pockets before pulling out a pack of Marlboro reds.

He pulled one out of the packet and let it rest between his lips as he looked over at you, holding the packet out to you. He still didn’t say a word. Just looked at you, waiting for your movement.

You let your propped up leg drop, crossing it over the other instead and reaching for the packet. When you’d taken one, he placed the pack back into his pocket and pulled out a zippo lighter.

You put the cigarette between your lips, hands cupping the end of it.

Joel clicked the cap open, looking at you as he leaned forward, lighting your cigarette first before his own.

You lowered your hands, and it crackled as it caught the flame, embers forming at the tip which glowed when you took a drag.

He lit his own and did the same, the silence consuming the space around you.

You weren't sure what to say.

Or if you should say something.

Joel shouldn't have done what he did- Neither should've Seth- but Joel didn’t do it with intent to hurt anyone, that much was clear.

Seth was... A tricky character.

It was hard to tell what his intent was.

Regardless, he was wrong, and it was a horrible thing to say.

The world has stacked enough against us; we didn’t need to be cruel to each other on top of it all.

“He’s an asshole. And Ellie will come around. Just don't feel like you did anything wrong.”

You almost wanted to laugh at your own comment. It sounded dumb and clunky, but what else could you say? You didn’t know either of them as well as Joel did.

“You don’t need t’ comfort me like I'm a damn kid.”

His head whipped toward you when he spoke, his face screwed into a nasty scowl.

“No- I didn’t mean to-”

he cut your sentence off, spitting out-

“Just go. You ain’t helpin’ anyone.”

You looked over at him, furrowing your brows a little. You didn’t understand what he meant. It was clear by his expression that he wouldn’t change his mind and so you got up with a sigh, the cigarette still hanging loosely between your fingers.

“Suit yourself Joel.”

You understood that he was likely taking his frustration out on you, but that wasn’t your problem.

Something must be in the air tonight that makes everyone act like an asshole.

You got up and turned on your heels, walking back inside and locking the door behind you. He could get out through the side gate, you weren’t waiting for him to leave to lock up.

You made sure all of the lights were turned off and got the keys out of their designated spot, leaving out of the front door and locking it behind you.

Seth would probably lose it in the morning when he realized, he didn’t have his keys- again, not your problem.

You pulled your jacket around you tighter to do the zip up as you turned onto the path that led back to your house.

There were still people walking the streets and chattering, likely tipsy and gossiping about tonight's events.

As you looked away from them, you stilled in your tracks as you remembered Jesse’s offer and began to turn it over in your head.

Surely it would beat going home to your empty, quiet house and going straight to sleep?

You sighed and turned around, heading in the opposite direction, down the lane which was headed with a sign reading: ‘Church street’.

You flicked your cigarette on the floor after taking one last drag of it and stomped it out before walking down the street.

When you walked up to the house with the number 32 on the front, you could hear music playing from behind the door.

It was booming and had a strong steady beat; the type of music that gave you the urge to move.

You raised your hand to the door, your knuckles rapping against the wood.

The door swung open after a minute or so, revealing Dina stood behind it, a grin falling onto her face when she saw it was you.

“Hi, you came! Come in come in, drinks are in the kitchen, help yourself. Jesse!”

She moved aside as she spoke, ushering you in and closing the door behind you.

You heard movement in the next room and footsteps as Jesse came around the corner, holding a bottle of craft beer by the neck.

“Heyyyy!”

He walked up as Dina disappeared back into the room he had come out of and he pulled you in, giving you a hug.

You weren’t used to boys being so forward but you went with it anyways, lacing your arms around his waist and laughing into his chest.

He leant back and grabbed your hand.

“Come on, what do you want?”

He led you into the kitchen, directly opposite the front door.

The counter closest to you was covered in various bottles, most opened, sticky rings of alcohol decorating the surfaces.

“Why don’t you surprise me. I’m not fussy.”

He made gun fingers at you and nodded. “Now that, i can do for ya.”

You unzipped your coat and hung it on the hooks on the kitchen door before hopping up onto the counter, sitting beside Jesse as he began to mix up a concoction.

From where you were sitting, you could see a people walking in and out of rooms that you didn’t recognize. For a seemingly unplanned party, there were quite a few people here.

You almost choked on your tongue when you watched Jesse pour an insane amount of moonshine into a cup, jumping off the counter and grabbing his shoulder.

“I know I said I'm not fussy but jesus- Are you trying to kill me?” your eyes were wide and you shook your head at him as he stopped pouring.

“Okay miss lightweight.”

He finished making your drink with you stood beside him and you watched him add some sort of syrup and what looked like cinnamon.

It got one last stir before he passed you the cup, giving his eyebrows a raise when you took it.

“Now you try that and say I shouldn’t be a bartender.” you took a sip, the sweet syrupy mix coating your tongue.

It tasted faintly of apple and the cinnamon paired well with it. When you swallowed, it left a trail of fire in your throat, warming you up and leaving that burn of the alcohol behind.

“Y’know what...” You gave him a surprised look as you swallowed, nodding at him.

“That’s actually really good.”

He pumped a fist in the air, looking down at you with a grin.

He led you out of the kitchen and gave you a tour, showing you where to go if you needed to be sick, etc.

He was leading you down the stairs when he said: “Now you’ve got a drink, and know where you are, come and meet everyone properly.”

he grabbed your hand , leading you into the living room where there were even more people.

“Everyone, say hi.”

You received some cheered greetings and some not so enthusiastic as he led you over to a sofa.

“Move over Jordan, damn.” he poked the boy sprawled out on it, getting him to move.

They both laughed at each other and Jesse sat down, spreading his legs and looking up at you with that same cheeky smile as earlier, patting his lap.

You rolled your eyes at him and sat on the arm of the chair instead, taking a few sips from your drink.

It hadn’t been too long since you’d started drinking but Jackson’s moonshine was not for the weak.

You could already feel the buzz of alcohol in your system.

It was impressive that they had any alcohol, and even more impressive so that they had the electricity to even have parties like this, granted there weren’t any fancy lights or anything, it was mostly candles and dim lamps, but they had a stereo in the corner of the room with two speakers connected to it.

Just as you started focusing on the music, the song began to fade and another started to play.

You’d heard this song at the QZ parties when they used vinyl and you turned to Jesse, jaw slightly wide as you realized what it was.

You pointed at Jesse, singing the lyrics to him with your drink in hand.

“So if you're lonely...”

“You know I'm here waiting for you!” He sang back at you and stood up from his seat as other people who were dotted around the house joined you both, the living room quickly getting fuller.

You took a couple more sips of your drink, swaying your hips to the song as you did.

When you brought the cup down from your mouth, Jesse saw how little there was left and took it from you, shaking his head and leaning down to your ear.

“Weak attempt.”

He draped his hand across your throat, tipping your chin back as he poured the rest into your mouth, earning a few hollers from others.

You felt it burn as you swallowed, blush creeping up into your cheeks.

He whooped and threw the cup, his hands snaking down your waist and to the swell of your ass.

“Extremely handsy aren’t you, mister.”

You gave him a surprised look as you swallowed, nodding at him as you asked the question.

“Do you have an issue with that?”

You shook your head no in response and his tongue flicked out, licking his bottom lip as he whipped his head away, releasing a scoffed exhale as his cheeks turned ever so pink.

You both ended up pressed together, his hands curiously trialing your body the entire time.

When the song ended, he led you into the kitchen, making you both another drink.

Ellie and Dina followed you in, Ellie leaning against the counter, one arm looped around Dina’s waist.

“I love those jeans on you, they fit you so well.” Dina said, turning you around and giving you a playful smack on the ass. You cackled and pushed her away gently.

“You’re not the only one, Dina.” Jesse said, leaning back from making your drink to get a good look and you elbowed him gently.

“Oh my god, are you all gonna stop drooling over the shiny new toy any time soon?” Ellie asked, her tone was playful, but you could tell she was a little serious.

“Oh, don't be a bore Ellie...”

Dina whined, patronizing her with the tone she used before she leant in, holding her face in her hands as she gave her a gentle kiss.

“Did either of you bring the stash?” Jesse asked, passing you your drink as he turned around to face them.

Dina and Ellie turned too, cutting themselves short.

Ellie stuck her tongue out cheekily and nodded her head for you to follow as she walked out of the kitchen and upstairs.

You looked over at Jesse, shaking your head.

“No way has she got weed.”

You had smoked it a few times in Pittsburg with some random guy, but since you were maybe 17, you hadn’t even heard whispers of anyone having any.

All Jesse did in response was shrug sarcastically as you all trudged up the stairs.

You all went into one of the bedrooms and Ellie kneeled at the foot of the bed, pulling a box out and placing it on the bed.

Dina clambered up onto the far top of the bed and you climbed up next to her, legs crossed and cup in hand.

You took a few swigs before placing it down on the bedside table next to you.

Ellie and Jesse sat at the bottom of the bed, and she opened the box to reveal a box full of grinders, rolling papers, filters, weed; basically, a stoners wet dream.

“You don’t even understand how happy i am to see that right now.”

They all laughed at you like it was normal to them and Jesse and Ellie both began to roll two joints.

Your eyes were trained on Jesse and you watched his hands move, the muscles in them visibly contracting as he plucked up a bud, putting it into the grinder and twisting it until he saw fit.

He put the filter in the paper and sprinkled half of the crumbs into it before rolling it up.

He licked a stripe along the extra paper, rolling it sealed and twisting the top.

“Boom.”

Ellie looked over, rolling her eyes at him when she saw he had finished before her.

“You asshole, you know it’s never a race.” She finally finished rolling and pulled out her lighter, lighting the end of hers before passing Jesse the lighter.

He lit his own and they both took the first drags, leaving you both hanging.

When Jesse had taken a few drags, he passed it to you, holding it with the filter facing you to make it easier for you to hold and you took it, inhaling the bitter, earthy smoke.

You let it sit in your lungs for a few seconds before you tipped your head back and exhaled, a few splutters leaving your mouth with it.

You murmured ‘shit’ through your coughs and Dina patted your back.

“You good?”

Ellie asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, just getting cocky.”

You took a few more drags of yours and Dina took a few the one Ellie had rolled for them. She passed it back to Ellie and they both got up.

“Okay, we’re gonna head down, see you both in a sec, yeah?”

You both nodded and they left the room, the strong smoke wafting over you as they left.

Jesse was laid at the bottom of the bed, leaning on a pillow against the wall, eyeing you. He had one leg propped up and a hand splayed across his shirt, accidentally revealing the band of his boxers.

“You okay over there?”

He was chuckling quietly at you laid on his bed, looking a bit deflated.

You could already feel the high slowly creeping up on you and you nodded as you sat up, crawling over to him and sitting beside him.

He looked over at you, holding the joint out to you.

You leaned forward, wrapping your lips around it and looking up into his dark brown eyes whilst he held it.

He bit the corner of his bottom lip gently has he watched you.

You could see his brain ticking as he watched you inhale and he stayed still for a moment before he abruptly pulled it away from you, stubbing it out on the ashtray and pulling you in by the back of your head.

His lips crashed into yours as he delivered sloppy kisses to them.

You gasped into his mouth ever so slightly, his abrupt movement shocking you.

He slid his tongue between your teeth, his hands moving from the back of your head to your hips as he sat up, pulling you into his lap effortlessly. Your hands fell to his shirt, balling it up in your fists as you let out a satisfied ‘hmm’ into him.

Jessie’s hands fell to your ass, gripping the supple flesh in his hands as he pulled away, kissing and sucking at the soft skin just beneath your earlobe.

His head curled into you as he did so and your head tipped back instinctively.

The gentle nibbles he left set your skin on fire, tingles covering your entire body.

He began to trail his kisses down your body whilst simultaneously gathering the waistband of your jeans in his hand, using it to move you back and forth in his lap.

The slow grow of his cock beneath you made you smirk and lace your fingers into his hair, pressing him closer as he finally got to your collarbones, peppering kisses over them.

He pulled back for a second and grabbed the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head and tossing it across the bed.

He huffed when he saw your breasts, perked up in your bra.

You couldn’t find any in your size and it ran a bit small, meaning they were squashed together in the cups and ever so slightly spilling over the top.

“Holy shit...”

he reached around, unclipping your bra and shaking his head at the sight when you let it slip off.

His hands grabbed ahold of your hips as he flipped you over, planting his body between your thighs as you hurriedly moved to unbuckle your belt.

It was most likely the alcohol impacting you that made you both so needy but he followed suit, undoing a few of his shirt buttons before he gave up and pulled it over his head.

His hands moved down to unbuckle his own belt as you pulled yours from the loops.

You got to work undoing your pants and Jesse took over, unzipping them and pulling them down when you lifted your hips.

You noticed his eyes catch on your scar and he traced his fingertips along it for a second before you kicked your pants off and he pulled his own down.

You watched as he palmed himself through his boxers, letting a subtle sigh slip.

“Jesse. Don’t be a tease.”

Your head was reeling from the addicting mix of the weed and alcohol and you assumed his was too. He looked down at you and gave you that sultry smirk before he pulled the waistband of his boxers down.

“Alright, pretty girl.”

you watched as his cock bounced as he pulled the band past it.

Your eyes rolled into your skull at the sight.

He was long and his veins were almost like marble, rippling over his skin in various directions. The base was peppered in dark hair, leading up to just below his belly button.

He held out his palm and spat into it, the strings of saliva breaking as he pulled his hand away and wrapped it around himself, slowly pumping his fist up and down a few times.

It was filthy, but it only made the growing pool in your underwear grow wetter.

His head was swollen and the feeling of anticipation was sending your head spiraling west.

You hooked your legs around him, pulling him closer to where you needed him most.

His brows were slightly furrowed as he pulled your black lacy underwear to the side, pressing his tip to you, swiping it between your folds. When he brushed against your clit, you both shivered and goosebumps broke out all over your skin and your head tipped back onto the mattress.

You pushed your hips into him and his tip popped into you, making you gasp as you felt yourself stretch around him.

His hand reached up, gripping both of your wrists in his hand as he slowly pushed himself into you fully.

The angle of his hips was just right for him to squeeze past your g-spot as he did so, making your back arch up off the bed and the flare of your ribs peek through your skin.

He leant down, his head resting in the crook of your neck and you felt his hot breath fan across your skin. You could feel each inch as he pushed in and out of you, the taught feeling of him stretching you out making your eyes water.

“Fuck... You feel so good...”

You tightened around him, looping your arms around him and digging your nails into his muscled back.

His pace was quickening and you felt his balls slapping against you with each thrust.

You whined in pleasure as your eyes fluttered closed, the filthy noises you were making seeming to only spur him on.

You felt your insides churn as he pounded into you, the head of his cock brushing against your g-spot repeatedly.

“Holy shit- don't stop-”

you cried out, the sound of panting and skin slapping together filled the room as he kept the pace up.

He leaned up from your neck, pressing his swollen lips to yours, his hand ghosting down your stomach as he brought two fingers to your clit, swirling it almost expertly as you felt his cock start to twitch inside of you.

Your orgasm was rapidly approaching and his fingers playing you like an instrument he knew too well tipped you way over the edge.

“You’re taking me so well, pretty girl...”

You felt your cheeks flush at the praise and it made your stomach twist. You opened your eyes and looked up at the room spinning and the sensations blending together brought your orgasm to you quicker than you could’ve imagined.

You moaned into his mouth as your orgasm teared into you, your legs and pussy tightening around him like a vice as you came around his cock.

He shuddered at the squeeze against him and his movements slowly sputtered as you felt him release inside of you with a growl.

He broke your messy kisses and pulled away, still slightly moving his hips as he steadied himself, his chest heaving in time with yours as your orgasms wrecked through you both.

He stilled for a few seconds, catching his breath before he pulled out of you and rolled onto the bed, laying beside you.

You were both laid on the bed, flaccid and spent.

Jesse had scratches littered all down his back and you had red marks peppering your collarbones and wrists.

Neither of you had the energy to talk, all Jesse mustered was a ‘c’mere’ as he pulled you over onto his chest, letting you rest your head on him.

He looped his arm around you, the pad of his thumb brushing your arm gently.

You didn’t expect for any of this to happen.

Weirdly, you still didn’t see Jessie romantically. He seemed like he could benefits, at most.

You got the feeling that you knew that too.

You didn’t know him too well and even in your intoxicated state, you knew this probably wouldn’t have happened if you were both sober.

Regardless, you both laid there in each others arms and when Jesse pulled the blanket over you both, it created the perfect spot for you both to fall asleep.

And you did.

[ssssc0m]

illuminate me

chapter 2 —

previous chapter | next chapter

- summary : joel and tommy take you to the hospital and maria takes care of you after you finally wake up after your surgery

- warnings : obsessive!joel , swearing , descriptions of blood, descriptions of wounds, needles, stalkerish vibes, possessive!joel

- word count : 3.5k

-

- a/n : a little bit of a longer chapter! i know that we have seen barely anything of joel so far but i promise it’s coming! next chapter hopefully we’ll have some proper interactions <3 tysm for the notes on the first chapter hope you enjoy!!

JOEL'S POV

It had been about a week since you'd brought the girl home.

Maria and Tommy had been taking care of her since the hospital had sent her away. When you’d gotten back to Jackson, everyone had questions for you.

You and Tommy had left to go on a simple patrol and returned shouting and horrified, with a girl bleeding out in your saddle.

Jackson’s doctors immediately rushed her into the hospital and into surgery, expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Her injuries didnt seem too extensive but there was internal damage that had caused bleeding.

They hadn’t been able to find out her blood type as she was entirely unconscious when you brough her in, and remained so for the week or so after the surgery. Thankfully, a man in the town was O positive and offered to help her.

It killed you and Tommy to feel so helpless.

You’d both brought her here and were now just hoping the town would be able to fix mess you’d brought to them and expected them to be able to help.

They did the best they could with what they had, giving her stitches and medication to help ease the pain and some to stop her from waking up too soon.

It felt like everyone was walking on eggshells for those days.

Would they be able to save her? Was it worth it or were you just wasting recourses? You heard the whispers, and you got it. She was a small girl; she was skinny and frail. But the way she had defended herself from that runner, the way she injured herself so badly in the fight for her life, it told you everything you needed to know.

She had fight in her.

But regardless of whether you understood why everyone was thinking it or not, you just couldn't deny the anger it made you feel.

When you brought her in, both you and tommy had waited around until you were told to go.

As soon as they took her from your arms, you saw their faces.

Could read their minds.

They laid her down on the stretcher, wheeling her through to a curtained room. They moved to remove her thick layers, coat, shirt, vest. When you’d seen her wound earlier, it was through her clothes.

Now you truly saw.

Tommy was stood beside you, his arms coming up behind his head and resting on the back of his neck as he exhaled sharply.

“Fuck- It wasn’t that bad when we left...” his words were muttered below his breath, like his inner thoughts escaping.

He paced around behind you, mumbling nothingness to himself.

Your eyes were still trained steadily on the wound- his words not computing.

The flayed skin of her injury was weeping with blood. The bruises around it were almost completely covered in crimson. Her body was pale, and the hue of it told you how cold she was. You could make out her ribs underneath her delicate skin, a clear sign as to how long she had likely been out there.

It’d been so long since you found Tommy and came to Jackson, you’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be her. Slowly wasting away, desperately searching for something to alleviate your pain.

Your eyes flitter to her long, ratty hair hanging over the edge of the bed, the roots messy with more clotting blood. Her forehead housed a small, thin gash that her body was clearly trying to fix.

“Sir- Sir. Joel. Move out of the way. This girl needs surgery.” The firm grip of your brother’s hand on your shoulder finally dragged your attention away from her as you stepped back for the doctors, tongue rolling in your cheek.

You watched as they rushed her down the corridor, multiple doctors shouting things in code that you couldn’t comprehend. You’d never even had a proper conversation with the girl, yet you knew she needed to live.

You needed her to live.

You and Tommy stood still for a few minutes, sitting in your thoughts as you both stayed fixated on the doors they’d just taken her through.

You were both exhausted, you were just too stubborn to admit it.

“C’mon Joel... It’s late- Go home. Sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” He gave you a pat on the shoulder, turning on his heels and walking out of the main exit his fists clenching tightly and unclenching at his sides.

You listened after a beat and followed shortly behind him, the walk back to your house unsettlingly quiet and cold. When you got home climbed into bed, kicking your boots off and leaving them discarded at the foot of your bed.

You were too tired and distracted to even take your clothes off.

You tried to flush the thoughts of her out of your head. What was happening? What were they doing for her?

The thoughts lingered on your mind for hours- until sleep finally called your name and you drifted off.

Behind your eyelids, you could see the warm light filling the space you were in. As they flickered open, you gave yourself a minute to try and process where you were.

You were in a room, laid in a bed, an actual bed, covered in soft, cotton sheets with patterns dotting them.

The room was rustic and older looking, not in the sense that it seemed like it had been there a long time, the build just didn't seem very modern. The doors and skirting boards were deep brown, contrasting with the cream-white of the walls.

Beside you was a short bedside table with a few lit candles on it and a plate with an apple and what looked to be a sandwich. It didn't look old or rotten, making your dazed head even more confused. It’d been a while since you’d had fresh food.

There was also an IV pump besides the bed, a wire leading from the bag into the cannula in your arm.

The last thing you could remember was... Nothing. Your brain hit a blank.

How you got here was completely unknown to you.

Despite this realization, you didn't have a bad gut feeling.

Trusting your gut had become second instinct to you since outbreak day, but somehow you weren't being told to run.

Just to be safe, you wanted to at least try and see where you were.

You wrapped your fingers around the duvet over top of you, gently throwing it back before being stopped short when you saw the gauze and bandages taped around your hip, blood slightly soaking it. You felt your heart sink to your stomach.

“What the fuck...” you whispered under your breath, pulling a piece of the tape away from your skin and peeking under it.

As soon as you caught sight of your injury, your head whipped away instinctually. The skin was blue-black with bruises, and you had a stitched up wound right in the middle.

You were in a place you'd never seen, with equipment in your body you’d never seen being used and with injuries you didn't remember getting.

Just as you exhaled an exasperated breath, you heard the creaking thumps of somebody coming up the stairs.

Panicked, you pressed the tape back down onto your skin and covered yourself.

A steady squeak filled the air as the doorknob twisted, and the door creaked open.

A gentle-looking lady stepped into the room, her eyes drifting up to you from the floor. She had a short, freshly trimmed blonde bob and beautiful clean skin.

Looking at her struck up embarrassment within you as you wondered what you looked like in comparison. Her eyes widened at the sight of you sat up and she almost dropped the bowl in her hand as her mouth opened and closed in front of you.

“Where am I? Who are you and what happened to me?” you spat out before she could say anything.

You shuffled back slightly in the bed, eyeing her with scared eyes.

Her gaze softened as she registered your emotion and she slowly walked towards you, setting the bowl down on the bedside. “Hi darlin’. My names’ Maria. I’m Tommy’s wife. One of the men who brought you here?” she sat down on the end of your bed, clasping her hands together and placing them in her lap.

Your head shook gently, a lump forming in your throat as tears of frustration welled up in your eyes. “I don’t know who that is. I can’t remember anything. What is this in my arm?”

She gave you a sympathetic look and pointed at the bag hanging besides you.

“This is what we’ve been giving to you. We’ve given you things for the pain and given you fluids through here too. The doctors said you were severely dehydrated and malnourished.”

“Doctors?”

She nodded, standing back up again to pick the bowl back up. She said it so casually, like it was just normal for everyone to have doctors nowadays.

“I made this for you, you’ve been here for about two weeks... The first week, they advised we kept you on medication to keep you sleeping to help your body heal a little more on its own. We’ve been waiting since we stopped giving it to you for you to wake up on your own. But here, eat this.”

She handed you the bowl, the contents looking like the best soup you'd ever seen.

You sat with Maria and ate, eating your first bowl and attempting to finish the second bowl but only making it halfway through.

She answered every one of your questions and sat with you for hours. Eventually, the question came up. “You mentioned the men who brought me here earlier? Why did they bring me here and who are they?”

You were trying to piece together your entirely blank memories, and you were hoping that by her explaining, it would bring some of it back.

“This place you're in, it’s called Jackson. My father and I sort of made it what it is. My husband tommy, and his older brother Joel. They were the ones who brought you here. Joel said he saw you trapped underneath a fence and a runner, and he thinks that that was where you got your injury. He and tommy were on patrol. It's sort of- We take turns securing the perimeter and clearing out any infected that might be around. They were on patrol when they said they head you screaming, and Joel found you being attacked with a hoard coming for you. You fainted not too long after they got you away from it and you almost bled out when they were trying to bring you back. You’re a fighter, I'll give you that.”

As she explained, your mind pieced together extra details, ones she hadn't explained and your memory of it started to come back.

You remembered crawling through the gap in the fence, your heart rate picking up as you did so. You also remembered the fence cutting into you, the thought giving you chills.

“I think I remember... He saved me.”

Maria helped you piece together the rest of the story as well as she could before suggesting you take a bath.

You couldn't remember the last time you’d had a proper wash, and you nodded, disregarding the fear and unfamiliarity of the question.

She let the rest of your fluids run through before helping you remove the cannula.

She helped you up, your arm slinking around her shoulders as she supported some of your weight and helped you to stand on your two feet. Your legs trembled, your muscles spasming and making your legs act like jelly.

Maria supported you a little more, taking small steps with you.

She helped you into the bathroom and lowered you onto the toilet lid, watching you with a careful eye.

“You okay?” You nodded and braced your hands on your knees, the wobble slowly fading. “I’ll just be a second, let me get you a towel.”

She reached over, plugging the bathtub and turning on the tap before she left the room, her footsteps growing quieter as she walked down the hallway and opened a door.

A vaguely familiar voice sounded from down the hallway.

“How ‘s she?”

“She’s okay honey. She’s weak, understandably. And she was struggling with her memory. I think she’ll be alright. You can tell Joel tomorrow. I’m gonna give her a bath and get her in bed.”

You didn't hear any further conversation, just the dragging sound opening and closing of wooden drawers.

When she reappeared, she gave you that same soft smile and placed the towel on the bathroom counter, her other hand holding a brush and a comb.

“I’d like to try and get some of your tangles out if that okay with you?”

Everything about her was so genuine and motherly. She reminded you a little of your own. She made you comfortable. “Okay... I wouldn’t mind that.”

When the bath had finally run, Maria helped you up and helped you stand on your own before turning around to let you undress.

You pulled the nightdress that you’d been put into over your head and looked down at your fragile looking body.

You’d lost the swell of your breasts, and your hips were thin and bony.

You almost didn’t recognize yourself.

You looked up into the mirror beside the bath, being caught off-guard with the reflection staring back at you.

Your skin was taught, and your cheeks were hollow. You couldn’t believe the state you were in.

You had a gash just below your hairline, it had already healed a little bit. It wasn't too deep, you could tell.

It was an insanely odd feeling.

You felt as though you were looking at somebody else's body and somebody else's injuries despite the fact that you were looking into a mirror.

You felt like an imposter.

You finally focused back onto what you were supposed to be doing and peeled up the edges of the tape around the gauze, gently pulling it away and dropping it onto the counter.

This wound was less healed than your head.

The skin had thin black strands of nylon running through it, sealing the wound closed.

There was crusted and semi-dried blood dotted around it, showing it was in healing but nowhere near done yet.

The bath was covered almost entirely with thick bubbles.

You hesitated at first but eventually stepped into the warm, soothing water and slowly slinked fully in. When the water hit your stitches, a wince broke free from your lips, your face screwing up in pain.

“Are you okay honey? Can I turn around?”

You mumbled a yes and Maria turned, lowering to her knees by the side of the bathtub.

“I know, I bet it hurts... Would you like me to comb your hair? It might distract you.”

You gave a nod, and she turned to grab the brush and comb, gently beginning to work at your knots.

An hour or so later, she’d managed to work all your tangles and matts free, returning your hair back to its naturally wavy state.

She washed it properly for you with shampoo and conditioner- more things that you’d forgotten about- and helped you reach the parts of your body you couldn’t wash yourself.

When you’d finished, she got you out, helping you walk back into the bedroom they’d given to you.

“I’ll get you some clothes, are you okay to dress yourself?”

You nodded at her, giving her a genuine smile. “Yes, thank you Maria. I really appreciate it. I’d forgotten what it felt like to not feel caked with dirt.”

She smiled at you before leaving the room, coming back with fresh dressing for your injury and clean clothes and underwear.

You took them from her gratefully, the smell of fresh laundry wafting up your nose.

“Thank you. I’ll... Call? If I need anything.”

“Of course, we’re only down the hall. Sleep well.” She left the room and pulled the door closed, leaving you stood in the middle of your room, one arm holding your towel and the other holding clean clothes.

You hobbled over to the bed, placing the clothes down and sorting through the pile for the underwear.

You sat down and pulled them on, the bra being too big for you. You appreciated it nonetheless, your own didn't really fit anymore and this one was clean, so in all you didn't really mind.

You unfolded the pajama pants and shirt she’d given you and slipped them on, before catching a glimpse of a mirror over in the corner of the room.

You stood up slowly, steadying yourself on the bedframe as you walked towards it, the moonlight filtering through the window and hitting the side of your face.

Now that the dirt was properly washed from your face, you didn't look so unhealthy.

Granted, you didn't look good, but not as bad as you did before.

You gently ran your fingers across your forehead, tracing the gash.

For a moment, you thought you saw something outside, making you look out and stare at the spot for a second before returning your attention back to the mirror.

You stood observing yourself in the mirror for a little while, before your legs and your body started to ache again and you hobbled back over to your bed.

You climbed in slowly, gently moving down the bed to get comfy without pulling any of your stitches. You sighed in relief when you finally got into the right position, and you blew the candles out beside you with one sharp breath.

As soon as your head hit the pillow, you were fast asleep again.

Clearly, all the time you’d spent with the lack of proper sleep had given your body the need to hibernate.

JOELS POV

Since you’d brought that girl back 17 days ago, she hadn’t left your mind.

You’d visited her multiple times, both in the hospital and at Tommy’s.

With each day, the concern grew that she wouldn't wake up.

Tommy said they’d taken you off the medication to keep you asleep eight days ago. You still hadn't woken up.

He wouldn't ever say it, but you could tell tommy was growing tired of your constant pestering about her condition.

You didn't want to keep intruding on him and Maria by constantly asking to come and check up on her, so you’d stopped asking them to come in and taken to watching from outside.

The air was cold, and the snow was biting.

But you just wanted to see her if she woke up. The bedroom Tommy had put her in was at the front of the house, the light from the window shining out onto the pavement opposite.

You’d been sitting there most nights, just looking.

For what, you weren't sure. But some part of you just felt yourself pulled to her.

Maybe it was because you felt responsible- because you’d saved her.

Maybe.

Tonight, you were lighting a cigarette when you saw something move in her window.

Your focus shifted and you stared up at the window, your heart almost flying out of your chest when you saw her walk into sight.

“’Atta girl...”

You whisper shouted, the relief you felt making you shake your head and gently chuckle.

You watched her run her fingers across her forehead, admiring her from a distance.

She was most likely looking at herself in the mirror in that corner, after all you knew the room well.

As you continued to watch, she lowered her hand as she turned to look toward you, making you freeze in your tracks.

Your gaze glided up to hers as it felt as though she was staring into you before she turned and went back to looking into the mirror.

Can you read my mind? I’ve been watching you.

She looked so much better than the last time you’d seen her a few days ago.

The color had returned to her skin and her hair was wavy and untangled.

You couldn't see below her collarbones to see how she was doing otherwise but the fact that you were able to stand up at all- never mind for this long- was a good sign.

You watched as she turned around from the mirror, watching her face distort in pain as she leant down, moving around and eventually disappearing out of view.

That practically told you how she was doing in other aspects and made you chew on your lip.

The thought occurred to you that she’d likely be going to sleep, but you didn't want to miss it if she came to the window again.

When the dim light finally went out, you knew she had.

You leaned up off the fence post, pulling your pack of Marlboro reds out of your pocket and lighting one up as you trudged through the snow back to your house.

You’d have to see her tomorrow.

You couldn't wait any longer than that to check up on her.

dm me for the tag list! <3

@alexispunkkk @lowrisemiller @joelsdagger @pearlessance @rav3n-pascal22 @sug4r-t1tz

[ssssc0m]

illuminate me

chapter 1 —

next chapter

- summary: joel and tommy save you from a hoard and you get injured in the process. they take you back to jackson with them.

- warnings : descriptions of blood, swearing, descriptions of bleeding out, death or dying, fainting, guns, description of wounds

- word count : 2.7k

-

this is my first attempt at writing a fic! it’s not much, i’m aware, but i’ve got a lot more in planning for this, so if anyone enjoys it i’ll definitely make it a recurring story! lots of love <3

The sound of clicking hung in the frozen air as your teeth chattered uncontrollably. The longer you spent trudging through the thick snow, the worse it got, the frost seeping into you and leaving your bones aching. Your gun was in your left hand, your knuckles blooming white with the tight grip on the handle.

So far, you hadn’t seen anything that might make you need to raise it, besides a few motionless infected buried in the snow. Their bodies were frozen solid, crystals of ice and snow covering every inch of their undead flesh.

Would they still be able to move? You didn't even know if that was possible but with the way some of those things were built, you'd think they were all invincible.

It’d been at least a few months since you’d left what was once your home.

There wasn't really a sure way to know how long it had been nowadays unless you somehow managed to keep track of each day. You'd counted maybe the first two weeks before losing track.

The QZ you'd lived in-- in Pittsburgh-- had dwindled into a mess of broken leaders and fearsome citizens, and you couldn't handle it any longer. You’d made your way across the country, you weren’t even sure where you were going but you knew the journey was taking an immense toll on you. Your body was constantly aching from the lack of proper rest, and your mental state was weakening as you spent day after day all alone.

Your days had started to bleed into one another, creating a blurred section in your brain. Wake up, walk, fight, hide, sleep, repeat. Occasionally, eat factored into that mix, however finding food was incredibly difficult given how much time had passed since the outbreak. For the last few nights, you'd been able to start a fire for yourself and managed to scrounge up enough food for a little while. It wouldn't last for long though.

Since it was mid-February, the temperature didn't seem to rise above freezing. You needed to find somewhere to keep warm and rest.

In your head, you knew you couldn’t stay out in this cold much longer,

but something in your gut told you to keep on pushing.

Eventually, you reached a spot along your journey where the tall, snow-dusted trees parted, the wind calling you closer-- deceit laced through its whispers. Had you not been so exhausted, you probably would’ve thought twice before stepping up to the crisp white ledge.

All it took was you planting one wrong foot which completely threw off your balance, sending you crashing down the hillside.

Your gun was torn from your flailing arms, swooping up and landing somewhere in the snow with a metallic thud.

A sharp gasp tore itself from your lips when you crashed into the frozen lake at the bottom, the impact knocking all the air out of you. You forced air back into your lungs as you desperately searched for your gun in front of you, hands frantically patting through the numbingly cold snow before turning to check behind you.

The terrifying sound of ice cracking and rattling across the surface made your breath pick up as your hands bumped into something hard and tinny just in front of your fingers. You swiped at it and pushed yourself up off the ice, just in time to see the mound of infected in the centre, their warped limbs clambering over each other as they hurried to escape the ice your fall had broken for them.

Before you could even process, your fight or flight was kicking in.

Your eyes scanned the area around you for an escape, the only thing being a rocky pile that led up to what seemed to be the remains of a highway. You scrambled to your feet and moved as fast as you could towards it, clambering up the pile.

With each unsure grab of rock, pieces crumbled away, only making you climb faster.

You hauled yourself up onto the broken road and began sprinting in the opposite direction of the horde of infected now heavy on your tail. There were so many... You’d only ever heard of groups this big. There must be at least a hundred of them.

Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you saw how many there were, and adrenaline coursed through your veins.

You didn't have time to waste aiming at any of them, and even if you did, you were too scared to try and didn't have much ammo left.

You spotted what looked like an old car park, mostly hidden by the snow, and sprinted towards it, praying that whatever it was surrounded by was able to be your refuge from the monstrous, decaying swarm of bodies screeching and wailing behind you.

You slid through a gap in the fence and pulled yourself up onto an abandoned truck littering the lot. Behind it was another fence that seemed to lead toward a building. You didn't even have the time to consider your options before you pulled yourself up onto the fence behind the truck and hauled your body over it.

Your feet landed on the floor with a thud, the impact of the jump spreading up through your legs with an aching tingle. You scanned the area around you, looking for any opening or exit that would help you gain the upper hand on the growing swarm behind you.

There was an extremely narrow gap between the side wall of the building and the falling, wire fence. Your head spun around in every direction-- once more-- weighing up your surroundings.

You had nowhere else to go.

Almost acting on survival instinct, you slotted your body into the gap, breaths escaping your mouth in sharp, panicked breaths. Your full body was shivering with fear as you shuffled your feet along the ground, eyes trained sharply on the floor to avoid slipping and to try and get through as quickly as possible.

Steel came crashing into contact with your head, knocking you down onto all fours as the infected pressed the fence against you, making a narrow tunnel for you to crawl through. The hoard that was previously chasing you through the car park had looped around, likely following your sounds, and was now savagely rattling at the fence.

Multiple arms snatched out for you as you crawled, the hasty thrum of your heart ringing in your ears as you tried to reach the end. You were being yanked in every which way, but you had no choice but to keep crawling.

You moved faster than you ever thought was possible when you came to the end.

You were caught off guard when a hole in the fence made way for a runner which squoze itself through the metal, forcing the sharp, jagged metal into contact with your hip as you attempted to escape its thrashing body and vicious jaw.

A scream tore itself loose from your throat as the steel dug into you, tearing and shredding your flesh as you tried to get out from underneath its thrashing body. You desperately tried to keep its head away from you, your own reeling with panic and pain.

You were trapped and were starting to realise that.

But I always knew that in the end, no one was coming to save me

So, I just prayed, and I keep praying and praying and praying.

You turned away instinctively as its head shot back and was blown into macabre fragments as a bullet crashed through its skull.

You were covered in the splattered remains of it, your stomach churning as bile rose up in your throat. Your eyes were blown wide in shock as your head pulsed with the sound of the gunshot.

Before you could process the scene in front of you, a strong, firm hand gripped hold of your upper arm and dragged you out from underneath the body of the runner, hauling you up onto your feet, gripping your shoulders, and shaking you gently.

His face was square and toned and his features were sure and dark. For a second, it distracted you from the pain searing through your side and the throbbing in your head. Then he spoke.

“You’re gonna have to run. Go! I'll cover you!”

The sound was gravelly and muffled, your ears still ringing from the noise, but you nodded, stumbling back a few steps and turning to see another man come up behind you two.

“C’mon, this way!”

you ran after the other man, hot on his heels, into the building in front of you.

You didn't really know if it was a good idea to be following two random men who had just appeared out of nowhere. Again, you didn't have any time to think of all of that.

He ran down a hallway before shouting out “Aw shit!” another group of infected burst through the doorframe, sprinting towards you two as he threw a Molotov at them, slowing them just enough to allow him to barge his way into a room.

The infected shrieked, their bodies recoiling in pain as the flames engulfed their bodies and singed their rotten flesh. “Joel! In here!” You all filed into the room, pushing an empty vending machine in front of the door as the infected banged and screeched outside of it.

“You okay?” Joel asked, walking ahead of you and looking around, observing the room and not you.

“Yeah- fine...” you muttered in response, “What are we doing-- where...”

Your speech began to slow as you started to feel dizzy, your head swimming. You tried to look down at your hip, feeling it burning red hot beneath your clothes as nausea crept up into your stomach. None of the men had turned to you when you spoke, making you worry.

If you fainted, would they leave you? Would they do anything worse?

The endless thoughts only made your dizziness worse as the edges of your vision began to darken. You tried to steady yourself on the table beside you as your legs started to feel wobbly.

Before you could properly hold yourself up, your vision went dark and your body went limp, slipping to the floor with a thud. Your arms were splayed out beside you as Joel and the other man rushed to your side.

“Shit- Tommy what d’ we do?!” their voices were barely comprehensible.

Tommy responded something to Joel before you slipped from consciousness, your eyes fluttering closed and your breathing slowing.

JOELS POV

Tommy pulled her jacket open as you stood and watched, where had she come from? And what on earth had just happened. Was she bit? Shot? Neither would surprise you.

The door was rattling and thudding with the mindless bodies ramming into it.

Tommy’s shout redirected your attention as your eyes snapped to the now exposed wound of the girl laid in front of you.

It looked like a messy stab wound-- but it was fresh, too much blood for it to be old. It must've just happened. “Joel- We need to get her out of here and back to Jackson. Now." Her skin was ripped wide, blood seeping out of the gash. It was messy and raw, the skin around the wound already starting to purple and bruise.

Your mind flashed back to the runner on top of her frame, clawing out at her and snarling and you recalled the jagged fence it pushed down, pressed onto her. "Might be infected, Tommy... Where 'r the horses?"

You pulled out the knife that was holstered onto your belt as he spoke, slashing a strip of fabric away from the shirt peeking out of your coat, and tied it around your waist, covering the wound. It wouldn't do much, but it might at least help to soak some of the blood. You were all cold, tired and hungry and you weren’t really thinking straight. You didn’t want to let the person you’d just risked your own life to save die if you could've helped it.

Tommy muttered a response and rose to his feet.

"'Mkay, let's go."

Your arms slid underneath the bend of her knees and just below her shoulders, heaving her up with a huff. Tommy watched you carry her and ran towards the door on the opposite side of the room, which would hopefully lead you all out and away from the hoard of infected.

He shot at the padlock that was holding it closed, the metal clanking and the remains flying across the room in all directions.

He rushed out and called for you to follow, both of you now flying out of the building, roughly in the direction of where your horses had been left.

Her body was still and limp, pressed firmly against your chest. You tried to think of the chances she had of surviving as you thought of how long it would to get you back to Jackson.

Would she make it? You hoped so.

The horses whinnied a little further up and you called out to Tommy, telling him you’d heard them and to go straight. Both were covered in snow, their bodies twitching gently every so often to shake some of the flakes off. When you got to the side of your horse, Tommy slid his arms over yours, picking the girl up and holding her as you hurriedly climbed up the stirrups and up into the saddle.

You shuffled back into it, helping Tommy to slot the girl in front of you, supporting her lolling head as it dropped back onto your chest.

You found the reins, wrapping them around your wrist and wrapping your other arm around the front of the girl.

Tommy was on his horse and ready by the time you were settled and looked over to you, ensuring you were ready too. You gave him a singular nod; your face stern and your eyebrows knitted together with determination.

"Hyah!"

Both horses reared into action with a whip of the reins, their hooves stomping through the thick snow, down the hillside, and towards the tall gates of Jackson off in the distance.

You'd been slipping in and out of consciousness for a while, your waking moments being filled with distorted sound and blinding light.

You could recognise that you were moving as you could feel something swaying underneath you. And something around you. Something warm, something strong.

Your body felt heavy and sweaty, beads of salt making your hair stick to the back of your neck and you were shaking uncontrollably as the cold wrecked your body.

You'd always wondered what it would be like to die. Was this how it felt? You had imagined it would be the infected that eventually got you. Something messy and gruesome.

What you didn't expect was to feel so alone, so confused. You couldn't see, couldn't open your eyes no matter how hard you tried, you were just so tired.

All you could do was think. Listen and try to make out the sounds, feel your hip and the warmth spread over it. The more you tried to remember what the uncomfortable feeling was, the more it came into focus.

The pain built from a centred, steady sting, to a blinding, searing pain that made your head spin and your teeth grind with agony.

You thought of your parent's voices, hoping to find solace in the distantly familiar sound. It had been too long for you to remember their actual voices. Now, it was more so what you thought they sounded like.

Your mother's voice filtered in through the mess of garbled sounds, calling to you like an angel in waiting.

"It's okay honey... You can sleep now... You can rest..."

Her words were soft and warm, seeming to soothe the cold chills you couldn't shake and the fear that was building.

The pain slowly began to ebb, your vision blurs, and one by one, your senses slip away-- until all that's left is her voice.

And finally, you listen. You rest.

@lowrisemiller @alexispunkkk @joelsdagger

dm for taglist ! <3

[ssssc0m]