stanspoofball - Tumblr blog

[stanspoofball]

I will likely be kicked within moments of sending this ask because I am silently watching the spcreekserver die while invisible without speaking up in support of it, but before I go, a warning: the members that are left are still being fed incorrect info and still prioritizing themselves above death threats, which they are still claiming to have been fabricated. I implore anyone who may be tempted to believe these lies without question to reach out to one of the ops rather than continue to trust a one sided account and then you can choose for yourself what to believe as I have.

psa and my last post on this.

[stanspoofball]

Congratulations! You and your anon got what you wanted and you hurt a lot of people who did nothing wrong in the process. I would say I hope you're happy but I already know you are.

alright well i can't say i know what that all means anon but it's been my understanding that your "overlord" has hurt a lot of people who did nothing wrong so can be ya kindly enlighten me here and explain why their particular brand of hurt is all a-ok cool beans steak sauce? i truly haven't wished harm on anyone but there has to be accountability for shit yknow?

[stanspoofball]

I just want to say that cosmicpanda is an amazing person. She doesn't deserve to be dragged into this.

you don't think remaining in an environment as overtly toxic as that server is questionable? or do you believe cosmicpanda only remains a member out of a desire not to herself be harassed? do you think any of the OPs deserved any of their treatment, anon? out of pure snow white curiosity ofc. the more I hear about this place the more i feel like my very immortal soul requires a good ol' fashioned cleansing by my geriatric local priest and a veritable dumpster load of bleach.

[stanspoofball]

All of those who were on that thread are so disappointing… spineless even.

like jellyfish. shit's loco.

[stanspoofball]

o lawwwwwwd

insight'n'info from my most recent anon. as the kiddies say, what the fucknuggets, amirite?

[stanspoofball]

Same Anon as before with an additional thought. As a side note, I noticed you pointed out you do not know the OPs of the reblogged posts. I have been acquainted with a few of them as well, and they have always presented themselves to be the furthest thing from shit-starters. I'm concerned that your bringing up of these posts after so long may do more harm to them so I was curious if you got consent from them before reblogging?

3/3

shit, i dip for a much needed month's vacay of rest and relaxation and romping in the snow and mosey on back to this neck of the woods to check here to find not 1, not 2, but 3 anon msgs waiting for me? it's a saturnalia miracle, kiddies! 

anon, you raise a good point in your follow up q there regarding consent and I'll admit, i didn't consider that. no, i did not request it of them so now i feel like a bit of an ass tbh. seems i will need to look into some sort of damage mitigation on that front. 

as to your other information, as much as I would prefer to heartily wash my hands of all of this, i am still in possession of a fair few beads of morality and to be frankly transparent, more curious than than the proverbial cat on the hot tin roof about it so ya know what, toots, if you've got something to share, you can send it on over. if you still don't feel comfortable revealing yourself, msg me and I'll hook you up with my contact info.

as always, chickies and chickos, peace love and popsicle stix. poofball out.

[stanspoofball]

because they have been known to blindly support and attack those they perceive as being against them in any way. It is a wholly uncomfortable feeling to feel as though you cannot have anything but positive feelings for the spcreekeserver regardless of if you are comfortable in its environment. Thank you for speaking out against it.

2/3

[stanspoofball]

Hi there, I am very well acquainted with the spcreekserver and I would like to come forward and say that I can corroborate many of the claims made in the posts you have reblogged regarding an individual's character in screenshots that I am willing to pass to you if you have an inclination to post them. I hope that you understand I cannot post them myself and why I have come to you anonymusly under fear of retaliation from that server's members (1/2)

1/3

[stanspoofball]

its become very apparent xeno is trying to influence the people in her server to be on her "side", especially new server members who were not aware of this whole situation in the first place. she has created a block list in the server which includes most of the people who made posts against her, and people who get close to xeno have been known to go through with blocking. she shouldnt be trying to influence people in the fandom this way, especially since a lot of the people in the server have otherwise had positive or neutral interactions with the people they're being told to block. to paint this situation or the people involved in any light other than trying to get the death threats to stop is appalling , especially in a server of over 90 people that's constantly gaining new members who aren't aware of who these people are or what happened.

this but LOUDER fam

[stanspoofball]

Not the creek server removing everyone that isn't xeno's bestie without notice

lmfao smells like a shitty attempt at a cover up to me dr watson. can't have just anyone privy to the knowledge of where those bodies are buried.

[stanspoofball]

Did you rlly make a blog just for some random sp fandom drama 😭

did u "rlly" send an ask to me about said drama? looks like we all got issues here chiquita banana. some things are bigger than u and me. was i a lil too hasty w/ my condemnations? maybe. death threats and shit just really salt my apples if u know what i mean. shits serious. i think we can all agree on that no matter who u are.

[stanspoofball]

that discourse is from months ago, has been disproven, and has nothing to do with our zine.

oh hunny if u truly believe those transparently narcissistic denials and posts full of abhorrent blame shifting/desperate attempts to reclaim the role of victim constitutes "disproving" then ur clearly a part of the problem and i sincerely hope u never find urself on the other side of this kind of traumatizing experience. first of all the amount of insurmountable evidence showing this person's character is astounding. the air of superiority and condescension in every screenshot of their interactions with others is disgustingly apparent. the need to defend only themselves first and foremost rather than view the picture in its entirety and recognize that they are not in fact the true victim of the situation as a whole is classically narcissistic. they give "proof" of their ip address and nothing else and expect that to be enough when a basic google search can essentially tell u this opposite. further to that, u can't claim photoshop or "framing" against multiple screenshots from multiple people of various content using one dubious screenshot of an IP address that u could have fabricated just as easily as ur claiming the other side did. maybe spit out that cult-aid ur chugging and take a look from another angle.

as for ur "zine" this does in fact have something to do with it b/c anyone purchasing it will be entrusting their personal info to this person. and they have a right to know who they are choosing to get involved with.

i truly wish no ill upon u, but for ur sake i hope u can gain a little more perspective sooner rather than later. ciao bella.

[stanspoofball]

aight. here's the skinny, kids. truly idgaf about petty drama shit. i've spent more than six months on the internet and been involved in more fandoms than I can count. ive waded through more than my fair share of bs shipping debates, "cancel culture", "we like different shit but my shit's better than urs" every fuckin thing u can imagine i've seen it all. and u know, more power to u if u have the time and energy to dedicate to something that ultimately has far less meaning than u think it does.what i do care about, and what u all should also care about, is genuine harassment in the form of death threats. i'll repeat that b/c that's how important i feel this message is. i'll even do u a favor and go all caps for u.

HARASSMENT. AND. DEATH. THREATS.

no one gives a shit if u have friends. no one cares one fuckin iota if ur lil sycophant minions crawl out of the woodwork to defend u. ur not the victim. u can bitch and moan until u turn blue but if u send someone messages wishing for them to die, by either their own hand or ur ever so fuckin "helpful" assistance, ur a piece of shit and uve lost all moral highground. continuing to attack the true sufferer of this shit and ignoring the real issue at hand is equivalent to u essentially saying that u think ur hurt feelings take priority over a literal crime of threatening someone else's life.

let me be clear. i'm not out to start a war b/c i got no time for that shit. im not even associated with any of these people. but ive personally witnessed too much of this kind of shit in other fandom to remain silent about this this rn. as I stated in my prev post i cannot stop u from purchasing those fan magazines but i STRONGLY urge u to be careful who u blindly trust on the internet.

fyi ive created a twt acct and will be posting there as well. peace love & a pleasant day to u all.

[stanspoofball]

I wasn't going to say anything else but...

given that Xenolith1245 has officially blocked me on Tumblr (which is so confusing when all I did was question why she always seems to be at the center of drama, and she claims she didn't do anything…but I digress) I figure I also have no choice but to make a public post to get my thoughts across. I really only want to again reiterate that as a community leader I find it really disappointing that Xenolith1245 would respond to the situation of the past two days now with this behavior. I really like to see the best in people, and I hoped Xeno would take this opportunity to try and mend the divide she claims exists between her and other people in the fandom, to be the bigger person. I would have even hoped we would still be cool, given I never unfollowed her on Tumblr, or anywhere throughout this situation. But it’s sadly clear she’s far more concerned with her reputation and her server’s reputation than the fact that a member of the community has been receiving death threats and could really use support right now, even from former friends (and especially if she didn’t do it). It’s just, to use her wording, "unfortunate" that this is how she’s choosing to respond to this situation, but I hope she can reflect on this and one day see her actions differently.

On a more positive note, I would like to again share that there is a multi-ship discord server called Ships Ahoy that is now live. It is an 18+ discord but the idea is to bring the community together to enjoy all kinds of ships and content and everyone is welcome! I promise this isn’t an elaborate advertisement, lol I just, again, wanted to end on a positive note!

But to be clear, at the end of the day I just really do want to see an end to the harassment and bullying and see the community move on to better things. I hope that we can all agree everyone deserves to be treated with respect in this community. <3

[stanspoofball]

Hush, don’t say a word.

Hush, don’t say a word. Stay silent. It isn’t worth mentioning it. You are just overreacting. Don’t chew, just swallow it, and move on. It will stop, eventually…

But what if it won’t?

I never thought I would ever need to write a post like this. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys standing out or talking about what’s bothering me. Yet here I am.

I’m doing this publicly because as of today, March 30th, 2022 I’m blocked by Xeno (also known as xenolith1245) since the end of last year, so I have no other way to talk to her, and also because I truly believe there are others out there who experienced similar things, and I want them to know: you are not alone, and you don’t need to stay silent.

This post is mainly about how Xeno decided to kick me out of her server without any valid reason and also to defend and support my friend, Kelsey (link to her story), who has been bullied and received death threats from a person, who is suspected to be Xeno. If it's not Xeno behind the death threats then it is someone who pretends to be her. Which is a serious crime, and Xeno should be aware of it, because that would mean that she is in danger too. I hope that by sharing my story you all can see and understand a little bit more about what kind of person Xeno is, and how she pressures and bullies others, while also lying about a lot of things. I’m not writing this so people would go after her and bully her, no, don’t do this, that would be the opposite of what I hope for. Share this, talk about your experiences so we can stop the bullying once and for all.

2020, beginning of November, that’s when I joined the spcreek server. I was recruited by Xeno under someone else’s fic, and let me tell you, I LOVED THE SERVER SO MUCH! I was very new to the fandom, had no fandom friends, and only recently started to write again, so it was so nice to be surrounded by many like-minded people who enjoyed writing, reading fics, and loved South Park. At that time the server was still very new and small, and I made some amazing friends there. Yet not that long after that, I noticed that Xeno has a strange way of going after certain people. Often they were the members who were more popular than she. Her “hecklings” which typically felt like passive-aggressive comments made a lot of my friends leave the server, but I stayed. Because even though I did not appreciate how Xeno treats some people, and I stopped seeing her as a friend, I still liked being there; there were so many amazing, kind and nice members there, and I miss so many of them even today.

Xeno likes to be the center of attention, and I too, experienced her trying to pressure me into reading her stuff, even though, I stated earlier that it’s not my cup of tea. This is just an example:

It might not seem like a big deal to most, but she is constantly doing this. Turning conversations around so it is about her, and she makes you feel guilty for stating your opinion or not reading her fics. I experienced her doing this to many others but I won’t share any screenshots of those, since it is not my place to do so. (But you can read some of them here.)

And now to the main point of my post:

My removal of the server. It happened a few months after Kelsey left the server and Xeno got rid of a lot of people without any warning. Mostly she removed inactive members, but she did that without sending them any messages ahead or giving them a chance to be active on the server again, and just after that she created new rules.

A few members were worried after reading them that they might end up being removed one day too, but Xeno assured them that as long as they don’t break any of the rules it won’t happen.

A few months passed by, and on the 26th of December, without saying a word, Xeno kicked me out of the server.

I was angry and confused and sad. I never broke any of the rules, I wasn’t mean to anyone and sure I wasn’t the most active member of the server but I checked in at least every few days.

I couldn’t just let it go so I demanded an answer, a reason for her action. It took her two days to message me, and that was her explanation.

And that was all, I replied then she blocked me on every social media platform and I never heard of her ever again.

Now there are some issues with her message, and it really shows what kind of person she truly is.

1: There is no secret discord server specifically to avoid her, and no one ever told anyone to actively avoid her. If someone decided to avoid her that’s their decision. There is a small server with a few friends who wanted to hang out without being surrounded by drama, but it’s not a Xeno-hate server at all. She is rarely mentioned there, and it's rarely in a negative way. What people are saying or discussing in their private messages has nothing to do with the server. Although Xeno later stated that she doesn’t have an issue with others being on different servers, so I don’t get her point here.

She is upset about people leaving her server and not saying anything to her, while she kicked out more than 20 people from her server without any explanation and she is the one who keeps blocking people, not even giving them a chance to reach out to her. So when she says that people should talk to her it confuses me. How are we supposed to talk to her if she keeps blocking everyone she has an issue with?

2: I’m not sure about what Tumblr posts she is talking about, and again if she doesn’t know who are the members of the “so-called Xeno-avoiding server” how is she knows I support them? But then again, it wasn’t me who allegedly was bashing on her server, so what does it have to do with me? There is a lie within the lines. But that’s true that I was often supporting my friends on the creek server, which was not against the rules because there weren’t any rules stating that we are not allowed to share outsider’s fics.

These are some disturbing examples of my sin:

Viewer discretion advised

3: The hate comment situation is between her and Kelsey. It has nothing to do with me. I never spread rumors about her being behind them, so I don’t understand how it justifies her actions? But if the accusations hurt her so much, she should have unblocked Kelsey and tried to talk to her, which she never did. You can't just sit on your ass and wait for people who you blocked and believe that you are the one harassing them to try to find ways to talk to you through brick walls.

4: Again, she just claimed at the beginning of her message that she doesn’t know who is the member of that “group” yet, I am somehow supporting them. Everyone is going after Kelsey for saying things without 100% proof yet Xeno does exactly the same behind closed curtains.

5: I don’t remember ever picking a fight with her. Yes, I argued with her a very few times, but mostly I just didn’t interact with her, however, she always assured me that we were not fighting. So, I’m shocked to learn that we did, according to her message.

So after reading her goodbye message, I want to know, when did she ever try to talk to me about her concerns (like she claimed she would do in her previous reply to someone) and why did I need to chase after her to get an explanation from her?

I know that my post focuses on way less serious issues than Kelsey’s, however, I think this shows just what kind of person Xeno is. I want everyone to understand that I never wanted to talk about this openly, but what happened to Kelsey could happen to anyone. Bullying is a serious thing, and it can do a lot of damage. I read about people, young people throwing their lives away because they were bullied. It’s heartbreaking, it’s sad, it’s disturbing, and I don’t want to ever lose a friend again because they couldn’t take it anymore. That’s why I can’t stand seeing what happened to Kelsey, and why I want to support her by sharing my story. Did I just willingly put my head under the guillotine? I sure did, and I don’t enjoy it, but there are times when you need to take risks and this risk is worth it for a friend.

So my point is, don’t be a dick.

"Bullying isn't cool. Bullying is lame Bullying is ugly and has a stupid name For a healthy world, bullying's unfit And I think I know what we should do to it" - South Park, Make Bullying Kill Itself

[stanspoofball]

Evidentiary Support for Recent Allegations Leveled against Xenolith1245

This is a follow-up to LadyFeldspar’s post about somebody leaving hate comments, suicide bait, and death threats on her AO3 fics and in her Tumblr ask box for the past five months.

Below I will provide the evidence that links the IP addresses LadyFeldspar (hereinafter Kelsey) provided in her post to Xenolith1245’s web presence on Tumblr, instead of just narrowing it down to some person in Arizona.

Here are the IPs that Kelsey received on her blog on the 19th and 23rd of this past March:

As you can see, this user visited Kelsey’s ask box four times on two separate days, and also checked to see who Kelsey was following on the 19th. The other page the user visited on the 19th links to Kelsey’s ongoing fic “Right Intentions“.

And here is the matching IP I received on a dummy Tumblr blog I created to either rule out or confirm Xenolith as the person leaving these hateful comments and threats in Kelsey’s Tumblr ask box:

I made this blog in about 10 minutes, choosing the handle “creek-freak”, and selecting user settings that would have made it impossible for anyone to see the blog other than those I directly interacted with or who were given the URL (which I shared with no one). I intentionally set this Tumblr up to be completely isolated.

Again, no one could have found this blog unless they were provided the URL, or if I interacted with them directly through the creek-freak blog.

I achieved this by doing the following:

I set the blog to be hidden from Tumblr searches, and from external search engines - these are the settings I selected:

I reposted art downloaded off of pinterest and didn’t tag anything, so nobody could find my posts in the tags. Here is one such pinterest art I posted that Xenolith reblogged (it was reblogged Monday, March 28th, as I was in the process of deleting the creek-freak Tumblr account, having already received the matching IP address):

and, lastly, I only liked and reblogged posts from Xenolith’s Tumblr account.

Xenolith followed and liked a post right away (if you are unaware, cheezbot is a bot that follows all or most Tumblr account. It did not leave a hit on the blog - it is just a bot):

I can’t say with certainty that the person sending Kelsey threats is Xenolith. However, I can say with certainty that the person logged into Xenolith1245’s Tumblr account on March 26th, 2022 at 2:38 pm has the same IP address as the person who is in Kelsey’s Tumblr ask box four times in the topmost screenshot.

I am not providing this evidence to condemn Xenolith and I do not condone harassment of Xenolith or anyone else.

However, if this is not Xenolith, then someone with access to her account has been impersonating her to harass Kelsey for 5 months, which I personally would fine alarming, were I in that position.

I can’t think of any other explanation than those two (frankly very far-fetched) explanations, or the Occam’s razor approach. Namely, it looks like Xenolith has been harassing Kelsey for the past 5 months, leaving anon hate, suicide bait, and death threats.

If Xenolith is by some chance not the one responsible for these threats, then something extremely sophisticated and sinister is afoot, and one would hope Xenolith would look at this evidence and consider this a serious issue that concerns her as well.

One last point I will add is that several people, including Xenolith, have said Kelsey should contact the police. A quick google search will tell you how likely it would be for such a case to be pursued, particularly an international case such as this. Even if authorities in either Xenolith’s or Kelsey’s country of residence were willing to pursue this, it would be a long, difficult, and expensive process that might still be fruitless.

[stanspoofball]

psa to let u all know the person in this post is the same person heading up those physical "eavesdropper" creek fan magazines circling around tumblr/twt rn. ur entitled to do w/e u please with ur own money obv but i know id certainly be thinking twice before giving a known fandom bully money or access to any of my personal info. that's just inviting harassment imo. stay safe sp folks

Xenolith1245, if you are the person cyberbullying me, please stop.

TW: death threats, suicide bait, general unpleasantness

(Link to supporting evidence - I'm putting this at the top so it doesn't get lost.)

First off, I want to apologize and make it very clear that this is a post I do not want to make, have never wanted to make, and will never want to make again. I am not a dramatic person by nature, and while this goes against everything I am, I do not feel like I have any choices left. Xenolith1245 (aka Xeno, aka the owner of the spcreekserver Discord) has blocked me on every channel available and given the escalation of the things that have happened, I can’t just sit back and be quiet anymore.

Second, and very important, I need to stress that everything I say is accompanied by the caveat that these allegations are just that, alleged. As implied in the post title, I do not know for certain that Xeno is behind the things that I am experiencing, but I feel that there is enough circumstantial evidence in my possession that the possibility is a reasonable one. But I want to be very clear: I am not out to ruin someone’s life, nor am I trying to chase anyone out of the South Park fandom. I do not care who is in the South Park fandom. I’ve been here since 2008 when it was much smaller, and I will always support it and the people in it as much as I can. All I want is for the bullying, the hate comments, and the death threats to stop.

AGAIN, VERY SIMPLY:

What this post IS: a callout, or more accurately a plea, for whoever has been sending me death threats to knock it off. There are reasons to believe it is Xeno, which I will go over plus provide the circumstantial evidence that I have.

What this post IS NOT: an unwarranted, aggressive, unsubstantiated attack on Xeno with the intent of getting her to leave the fandom.

I’m going to start with the death threats/suicide bait comments for obvious reasons. As of today, March 29th, 2022, I have received multiple anonymous asks through Tumblr, as well as multiple comments on my fics on AO3 Wrong Number, You’re My Number One, Well, In That Case…, First Time For Everything and Right Intentions of varying degrees of harassment. The most recent Tumblr ask was a broken up Youtube link that linked to the Police song “Every Breath You Take” which in light of EVERYTHING ELSE is very scary and concerning.

Some of these asks/comments have been removed by the platform, but I have screenshots of them that I took, just in case events escalated and I needed them, due to the nature of them. I myself did not respond to or remove any comments from any of my fics because I did not want to engage with whoever was doing them either way and I was just trying to move on and pretend they didn’t even exist. I can’t do that anymore.

The most recent ones are the ones that are most concerning to me, but rest assured I do not think ANY of them are okay to say to another person. These are some of the more recent ones.

Recently, because of all of the comments I received prior to the above screenshots, I installed a statcounter on my Tumblr blog. Because of this statcounter, I can see that the dates and times of when someone visited my blog, and the ask box specifically, match the timestamps on the threatening asks. As well, the location tracked by the statcounter is the same area that I know Xeno to live in, and multiple instances, from both my blog’s statcounter and others who also had it installed on theirs, have tracked the same IP address at said location. I will not disclose all of this information, and I DO NOT CONDONE DOXXING OF ANYONE REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE DONE but you can see the similarities in the screenshots below.

I do not have the same IP proof for my fics on AO3. But I do have many screenshots of the anonymous comments, plus some screenshots of Xeno talking in her Discord server, and the language/emojis used in both places is extremely similar and hard to overlook. Words like “gunna” and “what so ever”, which are pretty unique xeno-specific spelling idiosyncrasies, as well as using “lol” in a very passive aggressive manner. The emoji combination of 🤔😆 which are, from my understanding, signature Xeno emojis, especially when used together. The way the sentences are structured and the overall tone of the messages themselves also are very similar to her manner of speaking/typing.

The timing of all of these comments is also very suspicious. I received my first one on July 24th, the same day that Xeno had been harassing me in the server about forgetting to respond to her comment on my fic. This is something Xeno has been known to do to others, and it’s been brushed off as “heckling”, but there were too many instances where what she called “heckling” had very strong undertones of aggression.

After July 24th, the comments stopped until after I left the Creek server on September 6th. I left because of a lot of reasons, the biggest one being my own mental health. I was going through a lot in my personal life, and as Xeno and I were friends (I thought) at the time, I let her know that I was not happy, I was often so stressed out by everything that I was crying every night, and that to try to combat that, I was going to be taking a break from social media, but that I was still going to be writing, because writing was the one thing still making me happy. She assured me that was not a big deal and to take care of myself. I then muted Discord.

Ten days or so later, when I unmuted the app, I found that I had been demoted from mod in the server (a title I did not ask for and in truth did not want, with all my other stress), there were new rules in place (one regarding a purge that I did not like the execution of as it seemed unfair), and that immediately upon going back into the server all my stress came rushing back like it had never left. I determined that the server was what was stressing me out, because of the environment it had become, and I left without a word. It was what I felt I needed to do for my mental health at the time, and I did not think I was in a place where I was up to having a conversation explaining my actions. I at this point had been in a group DM with Xeno and some others, but I was kicked from that upon leaving the server, which was disappointing because I hadn’t assumed my not being in the server included losing a group of friends, but that is apparently how Xeno felt.

I’m including the below screenshot because I think the flip from telling me it’s okay to take a break to treating me like the exact opposite is true is a piece of relevant insight.

For the record, not once after leaving has Xeno reached out to me to find out why. Not that she had to, or should have, I don’t mean to imply that. I just want it to be known that once I left her server, it was as if I ceased to exist entirely, even though I know that she has claimed otherwise to others and in fact continues to talk vaguely about me in a negative light.

I had some other friends who felt similarly, and also left, but I did not at any point TELL anyone else to leave. We are all adults who can make our own adult decisions, and I do not have the power to tell anyone what to do nor do I want it. These friends and I decided to create another, smaller server, so that we could still have a place to hang out and talk and enjoy SP content together. I have heard that it’s been rumored we left and formed a hate server specifically to bash on the Creek server, but that is not and has never been the case.

The hate comments on Wrong Number became more and more constant, appearing on nearly every chapter from 12 to chapter 21. I’ve posted some already but you can see another screenshot below as well as a Tumblr ask with a similar message.

At one point, it came to my knowledge through a credible source that someone had specifically asked Xeno if she was the commenter, and she had said no. I don’t know all of the specifics, but I know that after that happened, the comments stopped for at least a week. I thought that it was over, but it turned out not to be the case, as soon, sure enough, they began to pop up again. They started appearing on other fics of mine, and in one case, a fic I didn’t even write, but that had only mentioned me in the Author’s Note. Again, I’ve shared most of these screenshots at some point above.

Around this time, Xeno, after not speaking to me for months, showed up in my comment replies on chapter 18 of Wrong Number. Her reply was to ambercreek95’s reply to an anon comment, and was all about how she had heard that someone was accusing her of doing this and that it wasn’t her. And I understand someone feeling the need to defend themselves, given the situation, but I always found it weird and a little bit shady that I had been getting these comments for months, and the only time Xeno felt the need to jump in was to defend herself, publicly. It’s the public aspect that concerned me. I was literally getting told to kill myself, and someone who had used to be my friend seemed far more concerned with shouting to the rooftops that, “I DIDN’T DO THIS!!” than anything else. I’m not saying I should have been her first priority, or any priority, it just always struck me as odd. She and a few others from the Creek server then left very insincere and borderline condescending-sounding comments on the next chapter, which also was odd to me, because again, these people hadn’t talked to me in months and didn’t talk to me again after, for the most part, so coming out of nowhere, talking to me like we were friends, only to completely disappear again right after was very strange.

I finished Wrong Number at the end of January, and then earlier this month I began the sequel. I was really excited for the sequel itself because I love writing and the universe I created and because I hadn’t had hate comments or Tumblr asks for a significant period of time, so I thought that it would be safe to start posting again. As I’ve already stated above, that clearly did not happen.

And so we come to this point. The point where I am tired. I just wanted to write. I want to write Craig being a moron without getting told that my writing sucks and I suck and to go die. I want to stop feeling like I did a terrible thing by taking myself out of a space that wasn't making me happy. I want to stop worrying that me just trying to defend myself against literal death threats is going to get people I care about in trouble.

It's Discord, it's South Park, it’s a hobby, it’s for fun. It's not worth any of this.

And whether I know that every message I've gotten has been untrue and likely all talk or not, that doesn't really matter when getting that kind of stuff has been such a constant worry that I just don't know if I should even bother writing anymore. Or if I should even be here, if maybe those suicide bait comments are right in some way and that I did an awful thing and should be punished for it. And that’s a scary thought, but these are the thoughts that eventually come into my head when this has been happening for so long at this point.

Like I said, I'm just tired. I'm tired of this stuff existing in my brain. I'm tired of dealing with all of this and feeling miserable about things when I didn't even really do anything wrong in the first place. I left a Discord server to take care of my mental health and had a hand in creating a new space where I felt better. I’ve been terrified to even write this post because I don’t know what any fallout will entail but at the same time, I don’t know what else to do. I can block and I can turn off anon asks and commenting but that doesn’t change what’s already happened and it doesn’t change that somebody out there felt that it was okay to treat another person this way. And that’s something I can’t understand.

So, one last time. Xeno, if this is you, or if you are involved in some way, please just stop. That’s all I’m asking. I don't care why it's happening, and in truth I don't think anything can justify a death threat, I just want it to stop for good.