stardustinhersoul-blog - Tumblr blog

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Exhale Chaos #pencildrawing #blackandwhite #stressrelief #420artist #outofcolor #outoftime

[stardustinhersoul-blog]

Words Help

Screaming words and razors tongues

Things are said and can't be undone

Broken dishes on the floor

Things unsaid and minds ripped raw.

No more take backs

No more retreat

No where to go when you don't land on your feet.

Face down and shattered. Skin ripped wide.

A lifetime of memories exposed and destroyed

A battle lost. another won.

forever fighting to only be strong.

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Boy I don't give a fuck ❤🎶

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Cross my heart, hope to die

To my lover, I'd never lie

He said "be true", I swear I'll try

In the end, it's him and I

He's out his head, I'm out my mind

We got that love, the crazy kind

I am his and he is mine

In the end, it's him and I

G-Eazy & Halsey [Him and I]

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Time ...always there just lingering ....

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Changes ♡

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dear old man.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fuck shit up that I'm mean and shut down. that I shut off and disconnect and push you away. I'm sorry I doubt everything and over think when more. I can give you a hundred reasons..but they are all just excuses for my shitty temperment and mood swings. Apologizing doesn't come easy to me. Nor does admitting I fucked up. but I did. The only way I know how to not hurt people I love when I'm being irrational is disconnect. You told me you'd message me. you ignored me all day. yes I'm well aware that's being irrational instead of losing my shit entirely for something stupid I shut down. I instantly believe I'm going right back to that pattern again of things said not meant and one broken promise after another. that's where I fucked up and I can understand that. I shoukd have told you why is was upset and let you explain. instead I didn't give you a chance . I assumed and I doubted the one person I care so much about. and I'm sorry.

the second apology is for freaking out bc you always have a reason to never go anywhere with me. I'm sorry. I have no good reasons no excuses nothing that was purely me. I got upset and I got mad bc I was upset about it . I know sorry doesn't fix this shit. I can feel the damage caused and I'm sorry for that too. I'd like to believe it's fixable. but if not I understand I fucked it up. not you. never you. you really do deserve better then anything I'll ever be . I'm sorry I'm me ?

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A good life motto 💪💪💪

Follow my Instagram

Like my  Facebook Page

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Just so I remember this self realization time and time and time again. Repeat to self as often as necessary. ♡

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And there's this . which makes sense

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Can I please just remember this again and again and again ♡

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Questions to Answer Once .... (a week a month.?)

......The article I read said daily. ..let's be serious ladies and gents that shit isn't going to happen. But ! weekly or monthly might be cool? see if answers change ... dear Jesus this write more to empty my head plus self discovery/improvement thing.... do I set an alarm to remember... short term memory is half a cm big ... hmmm

1. Who am I really?

I am a ball of stress anxiety and chaos. I am a mama to two wonderful girls. And I'm stronger then I believe in a good 80% of the time.

2. What worries me most about the future?

The unknown.

3. If this were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?

It's almost time to sleep Jesus no! okay no seriously I get it. and hence the life changes ... No am I am not okay with doing what I am doing if I knew I had a year or 6 months or 3 weeks left.

4. What am I really scared of?

Failing my girls. Being alone and fucking snakes and heights.

5. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

Yes. my past. baby steps.

6. If not now, then when?

again baby steps. I know it's now... but easier stated then completed.

7. What matters most in my life?

My children. my happiness. and then him.

8. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?

..... being selfish for the right reasons. my happiness benefits my children and their stability all the way around and he is my happiness so we see. time will tell.

9. What do I matter?

I'm baked. I'm neither here nor there. on a good day I'll tell you I'm worth alot and matter a ton. good days are rare. mostly I feel like I am worth nothing.

10. Have I done anything lately worth remembering?

Getting fired.. on my own accord.

11. Have I made someone smile today?

my kids ?

12. What have I given up on?

currently.. I'm not giving up I'm fighting for again. but recently I've given up on a shitty job. a shitty relationship. a shitty house. and thinking I'm incapable .

13. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

..... please see above. Currently my life is undergoing a major transformation.

14. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would I give?

be nothing but unapologetically your self and money is never worth more then your happiness. can we combine that.

15. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?

..... lemme think about this. hmmm.

16. How shall I live, knowing I will die?

I used to live each day like it was the last..and fuxk the consequences. ... but lately. . I trying something new.. the end is coming regardless. live to be happy while it happens

17. What do I need to change about myself?

my negativity and my distrust for everything. also the over thinking and over analyzing my eating habits need to improve too .

18. Is it more important to love or be loved?

love. without a doubt.

19. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?

Hmm. 9 ?

20. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

my father.

21. Would I break the law to save a loved one?

Absolutely

22. Would I steal to feed a starving child?

borrow and beg first but if required then yes

23. What do I want most in life?

watch my children grow and succeed. happiness. family. inner peace.

24. What is life calling of me?

Not a god damn clue -.-

25. Which is worse: failing or never trying?

Not trying. no questions asked here.

26. If I try to fail, and succeed, which have I done?

succeeded.

27. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?

I never gave up.

28. Does it really matter what others think about me?

some people yes absolutely.

29. To what degree have I actually controlled the course my life has taken?

about 13 years worth of degrees.

30. When it’s all said and done, will I have said more than I’ve done?

probably. but I hope not.

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Finished