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A Star From the Multiverse - Ch 9 is OUT!

Cover art by @wyvern-witch as a donation commission for Palestine. Commission them here!

Fic summary: After FINALLY beating the King after thousands of tries, Siffrin is STILL sent back to Dormont. They. Just. Can't. Do. It. Anymore. They drag themself through the day and to the Favor Tree in the dead of night, begging, wishing for help...and they get it in the form of a strange creature with talons and feathers and fangs.

Memory of Stars Chapter summary: Loop lets their walls down just a bit and takes Siffrin stargazing. Nothing goes wrong in any way shape or form!

Rating: Mature | Graphic depictions of violence & all the canon-typical warnings.

[Read on Ao3]

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"Stargaze!??!" Siffrin nearly throws himself off the branch to lean closer. "You know about the stars!?"

"I—wh—yes? Who doesn't? They're right up there?"

"Nobody does! Everyone just thinks they're boring dots in the sky whenever I try to tell them about it they think I'm lying I've forgotten so much too just like I forget everything I know I used to know more but I lost it all too when the... when the... the..."

"..."

"...Stardust?"

"Wha..? What were we talking about?" They blink a few times.

"...the stars? You—"

"Stars!? You know about stars!?" His heart skips a beat.

"I—wh—yes? I just sai—" They stare at him for a moment. "Never mind. Yes, I do know about stars. I was an astronom—" Their jaws snap shut. They lower their gaze and mumble to themself for a long moment, glancing between their hands while flexing their fingers. "Hmm... I suppose it's fine to share this." They shrug and sigh. "Yes, I was an astronomer, so it was kind of my job to know about stars."

"Your job... your job?" There’s no way. There's no way! "So you know a lot about them!?"

Loop tilts their head, ears flattened. "I'd say my knowledge is above average, yes."

His breath skips. "Please tell me please please I need to know please! Nobody cares anymore I'm not lying I'm not making this up Odile told me to stop lying to Bonnie when I tried telling them but I wasn't and I know they're important but why can't I remember them!?"

He pauses, panting, shaking.

Loop's whole body is tense as they stare. They grip their branch with both hands.

"Please," they whine.

Loop inhales deeply. "Okay."

"Okay!?" His breath catches in his throat.

Loop throws their bubbly persona back on. "Sure, stardust! I suppose it's fine if I talk about this. It's just general information, after all, and I care about you so much, my precious little cinnamon roll," they wink, "I can probably fudge the rules just a little bit more. So! What would you like to know?"

"Everything!!!"

They flinch. "That's gonna take a while!" They gaze up into the canopy at the thousands of little pinpricks of light that filter through. "How about you come back when it's dark and we can talk then? I need some time to er... create my syllabus for our little impromptu lesson, anyway~!"

"But I want—no it's okay, that's fine." It's fine! A syllabus is good! They can prepare!

"You'll be back in no time," they hum. "Go have some fun with your friends and get some delicious din din!"

"Okay, see you soon. Loop."

He leaves, heart thundering in his chest.

>>>

The sun has just barely fallen below the horizon when Siffrin leaves the Clocktower. His allies all seemed disappointed they couldn't meet his mysterious 'friend', but they let them go without too much of a fuss.

When they arrive, he doesn't see Loop in their usual spot and nearly jumps out of his skin when they pop their head out of the bushes right beside him.

"Blinding stars, Loop, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Whoopsies! I guess that wouldn't be too bad, though, since you'd just loop anyway." They retreat back into the undergrowth and motion Siffrin to follow them with their tail waving above it all.

He pushes in after them and follows closely, dodging recoiling branches with some effort. Loop seems to navigate with much more ease, other than the occasional snag on their wings.

They stumble with a small yelp and shake their front paw. Ok, maybe not much more ease.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine!" They shake their paw. "Just a scratch, don't worry your pretty little head about it~!"

They push on before Siffrin can respond, and he can't help but notice they now have a small limp.

"How far are we going?"

"Not far," they say, pausing with no weight on their hand. "There's a little hill nearby that has a clear view and can't be seen from town."

As if on cue, the trees thin and open up to a grassy field somewhat similar to the one he wakes up in at the start of every loop. The grass is shorter, fresher, and less prickly-looking than what he's used to.

Loop peeks out from the treeline, sniffing the air and vibrating the fluffy feathers on their head. They take a step forward, seemingly satisfied, and shake their head until the feathers are tucked neatly away.

Together, they pad out to the top of the small hill and sit down.

It's still light out and there aren't many stars to see yet. Siffrin eyes Loop messing with their paw, picking out bits of debris from it.

“Uhh, Loop?”

They flinch and cover their hand. “Yes, stardust?”

Voice low, they ask, "Do you want me to heal that?" They lean over to get a better look.

"You—you can do that?" They curl their talons and pull them toward their chest.

They nod. "Learned it in the loops."

They squint at him and turn away. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Siffrin tilts his head. "It's no problem, really."

Loop's fingers twitch. They stare at their hand for a moment. Then, with a long, drawn-out sigh, they speak. "Fiiiine if you insist, stardust then I guess I can let you heal me."

Siffrin's lips twitch upward, but they hide it with a cough. He holds out his hand, and with some hesitation, Loop reaches out and places their hand in it.

They both flinch. Loop looks away, cheek feathers puffed.

It's warm. Rough. An array of what look like scars break up the even pattern of scutes that line their leg.

Taking it gently in both hands, they turn it over. The palm is covered in a thick pad, similar to a cat's but not quite as pronounced. It's rough and callused from walking on bare ground; a few still look somewhat raw and fresh, even.

There's something strange about the wound. The trickle of blood that leaks out seems...off. Like the shade is a little to the left, but in the dying light, it's hard to get a better look. Not that Loop would appreciate him scrutinizing their hand for longer than necessary, anyway.

As if they heard him, Loop huffs and flexes their claws. "Having fun ogling my toesie woesies, stardust?"

"Ah! Uh, sorry!" They sputter. Using the back of his glove, he gently wipes away the remaining dirt and debris before breathing a bit of healing Craft into the sore. Loop's hand twitches as the wound stitches itself back together with an uneven scar.

"Huh." They flex their digits. "That feels different."

"Different? Does it still hurt?"

"Huh? Oh! No. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I meant different as in—never mind. Thank you, I owe you my life, am forever in your debt, et cetera et cetera."

"Don't mention it," he snorts.

Something nags at the back of his mind. He glances at Loop's other paw.

They have to ask.

"Hey, Loop, can I see your other hand?"

They gasp and put their healed paw to their chest. "My, my, can't get enough of me? If you wanted to hold hands, you don't have to be so secretive."

Siffrin huffs. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Loop pauses. "Fine, if you must." With a sigh and dramatic flourish, they extend their other hand out, folding the freshly-healed one under their chest.

Siffrin squints and turns it over, only to see a similar sight of calluses and old blisters. He heals them, too, watching them harden into something sturdier.

They look at Loop. They're looking away, scar facing him.

"Loop?"

"Thank you, stardust," they pull their hand away and fold it under them. "It's getting pretty dark out now. Maybe we should do what we actually came here to do!" They point their head toward the heavens.

Siffrin stares at them for a moment longer before following their gaze up into the night sky. A little bit of daylight hangs at the horizon, but the stars are rapidly blinking into view as it fades.

A cold, twisting sense of longing churns in his chest as they stare at the sky. He knew. He knew. They knew so much more about it, but it's behind that same wall that shrouds their memories of home. The wall that prickles and cuts into him if he tries too hard to remember. The wall he forgot that he even forgot until the loops. The wall that teases him with morsels when he's not looking, only to take them away forever if he tries to focus.

...Will this hurt?

Loop shifts their body until all their limbs are folded under them. They curl their tail around and shift themself until they look like a giant winged cat loafing in a sunbeam. Siffrin shifts around as well until he finds a soft patch of grass with no rocks poking at him.

Loop hums. "Well, I suppose we can begin by you telling me what you know already. I'd hate to insult your knowledge by assuming you don't know the most basic things, but also you might not know the most basic things, so..."

"Oh," they murmur, grabbing a piece of grass and rolling it in their fingers. "Well, I know stuff like, the sun is a star and stars are all really big balls of fire and some stars are actually planets and people make pictures called constellations and used to navigate by them and telescopes, orreries, star charts... and uh..." He points to a brighter light. "That's the planet Venus, and uhm..." he keeps looking, thinking. The prickling fog already starts digging into the corner of his mind, so he closes his eye and shakes his head.

"That's all I remember."

Loop hums. "Okay, so we're definitely starting from the basics."

He grumbles. "I know I knew more than that. I could read star charts, I know it. I could use telescopes and orreries and whatever else there is."

"Well, maybe this will jog your memory some."

"I wish." They pull up a clump of grass.

Loop watches them rip it up and toss it before clearing their throat. "Anyway, you're right that not every light in the sky is a star. Some are planets, or comets, or moons, and some are entire galaxies that are so far away they're nothing more than a tiny dot to our eyes."

"Galaxies?" That one doesn’t sound familiar.

"Collections of hundreds of billions of stars and planets and other celestial bodies." They gesture at the thick band of stars that arcs across the sky. "We're in the Milky Way, which is a spiral galaxy and—oh, I wish I brought a pencil and paper. Ahh, well, not like I can draw to save my life anyway."

Siffrin can already feel his heart thundering in his chest. He leans closer to loop with stars in his eyes.

"I think..." he pauses and squeezes his eye shut. "That sounds familiar. Please keep going!"

Loop snorts and lets their expression relax. "Okay, well..."

Siffrin is enraptured by the tales Loop weaves of the sky above them. Tales of stars and planets and black holes and quasars, nebulae, dark matter, and everything else. He can't move, he can barely breathe as he soaks in every possible little detail that comes out of Loop's mouth. Some of it tickles the hidden part of his mind, behind the thorny wall, overwriting what was lost and keeping it fresh and close to him. Some of it is all too new; it's as if he's a small child again, sitting around a bonfire with their friends as their... their...

...

He blinks, shakes his head, and has to ask Loop to repeat a whole chunk of what they just said.

Loop looks… so different when talking. Their voice is lighter, smoother, less guarded and calculated, and they frequently have to pause for a breath after speaking for too long without stopping. It makes Siffrin feel winded just watching them. They can't help but smile—not just at getting back such an important part of him he thought was lost forever, but seeing a fresh, new side of Loop. Seeing them talk a mile a minute, waving their hands around, and looking up to the sky with such wonder just fills him with a sense of peace.

It won't last.

He knows that. It digs at the back of his mind. But just for that time, he manages to shove it down.

After talking for a while, Loop pauses and stretches out. They flap their wings a few times and reach out as far as they can with their front legs, spreading their toes out far. They let their wings fall more relaxed to their sides and rest their limbs in the grass in front of them.

Siffrin follows suit, not realizing how stiff he's grown from sitting unmoving in the dirt for however long they've been there.

Loop stretches again, roll to their side and—

"Oof!" Siffrin grunts as their head lands right in their lap. He flinches and freezes. "Loop!?"

"Wow, you are really bony," they huff. They shift around a bit until their good eye is pointed upward and the top of their head is pressed to his gut. Siffrin holds their arms stiffly away from them the entire time. He can't move.

"Ah," Their expression stiffens when they catch sight of his face. "Was that too much?" They keep their eye locked onto him.

"N-no, it was just sudden!" And warm! And surprisingly light. "U-um." He slowly places a hand on their cheek, feeling just a bit of squish as he presses down on their feathers. Loop makes a small noise but doesn't say a word. They look away. "Why?"

"You look like you needed it," they shrug. "Consider this some good ol' rukemi touch therapy."

"Touch therapy?"

"Well, I’m already helping you with the loops and the stars, so I thought I might help with that as well."

"Thanks???" They're definitely touch-starved, but wow!

"You're quite welcome~! Just keep your hands off my plumes."

"Your... plumes?"

"The long feathers on my head. They're sensitive."

"O-okay."

They're so soft. He wants to... to...

He swallows hard. "So I can... I can p—I can p-p-p..."

"Yes, yes you may pet me if you want, I guueeesssss," they huff. "So demanding~!"

"You're the one—agh—never mind." He can guess what kind of game Loop's playing.

Slowly, carefully, they sink their fingers into Loop's feathers until they touch skin. They both flinch.

So warm. Warmer than a human, it seems, though what would they know about touching another human?

He curls his fingers slowly. He wants to take his gloves off and feel just how soft they are, but that seems like too much! They're surprised he hasn't combusted from this level of touch; if he held Mirabelle's head like that or, stars, Isabeau held them like that, he'd loop on contact. With Loop, it's different. Not quite as overwhelming as he'd expect. Like petting a giant chicken.

He starts scratching a little more and cautiously moves his hand around their face, down their jaw, along their neck. Loop closes their eye and sighs, letting their legs relax and slide out a bit more. They flex one paw and relax, flex and relax.

Siffrin works his way up their head until he reaches their ear, only to find out it's not really an ear at all, just a collection of feathers in the shape of one. They slide their fingers around it until they feel a gap in front of them. He brushes his thumb across it, and out of nowhere, Loop yawns wide, flashing their sharp teeth before shaking their head and pulling back.

"Excuse me! Don't go shoving your fingers into my ear," they glare, folding their feathers down.

"S-sorry!" He pulls his hand away. "Um... so... your ear is just..."

"Yes, it's just a hole in my head."

"Okay." Weird.

"What? Disappointed?"

"No! Just uh... I don't know." What is Loop, really?

The rukemi snorts and rolls their head in his lap. "Oh, stardust, you are too much sometimes."

He frowns. "What'd I doooo?"

They glance at him and snort. "Tee hee~!"

Loop's definitely too much, sometimes too.

"I know I'm too much, aren't I~! That's what makes me so great~!"

Siffrin sighs and shakes their head, smiling lightly.

"Also, take your hat off. I can't see the stars."

"O-oh." He touches the brim and pulls it down further. They don't want to be exposed, but it's not like they can hide anything when Loop's looking up at them like that. He clenches his fist and peels the hat off. The cool night air is refreshing, and he shakes the heat from his head as he sets his hat on the grass.

Cautiously, he places a hand back on Loop's jaw, far away from their ear and plumes. Loop flexes and relaxes their hands again and goes silent.

"So," Siffrin begins after a minute, voice barely a whisper. He shifts his hips and stretches his back. Their fingers work themselves lower and lower on Loop's jaw and down their neck until...

They feel something.

A vibration, soft and gentle.

Coming from Loop's throat.

He stops, twitching slightly. He closes his eye, listening carefully.

He can hear it too, now.

No.

It can't be...

"Loop..." They lean over, looking them in the eye.

"No." They look away.

"Are you ... purring???"

"Do I LOOK like a cat?" Their cheek feathers puff out.

"You sure sound like one." Siffrin doesn't fight the smug grin that grows on their face.

"And YOU sound like you know what you're talking about, but sounds can be deceiving," they quip.

His smirk gets bigger.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" And bigger.

"Like, ughhhh! Do you want to know more about stars or not?"

"I do!" his heart skips a beat. He clenches his fingers around Loop's cheek feathers.

"Good~! Now, where were we?"

They pick up where they left off, and soon Siffrin's nerves ease. He continues petting Loop for a while before he has to shift around and dig his fingers into his back, massaging down his spine to his hips.

After a moment, Loop sits up and scoots around him. His heart spikes again when Loop's wing folds over his knees and shoulder presses to his back.

He stares at Loop, who simply keeps talking, staring up at the sky the whole time.

So warm.

Their breath is slow and heavy against him. He's still so tense, so unsure.

But slowly, slowly, they breathe and let themself relax. Bit by bit, they lean further and further against them, sinking into their soft feathers. He bites back a sigh as the tension eases in their back and slowly radiates through the rest of their body. Their breathing slows, their fists unclench, and they lean their head against Loop's shoulder. He closes his eye and feels Loop's voice reverberate through his whole body.

It's nice.

He can let himself have this one indulgence.

"So what exactly was your job?" he mumbles after a while. "Like, did you just spend all day looking at the stars until you find something interesting?"

"Nah, we have computers do that part. No, it was much more specific than that." Loop mulls over their question, rocking their head side to side. Finally, they sigh. "...I was on a team tasked with finding life on other planets."

"What!?" Siffrin jumps, nearly jabbing their knee with the claws on Loop's wing. He spins around to face them, breathing fast. "There's life on other planets!? For real? Did—did you—" Wait. They tilt their head. "Is that where you're from? Another planet?"

Loop looks at them for a moment, then back to the sky.

"Anyway, we've found two, so far, and a few speculated to have all the building blocks needed to form life, if they haven't already. Early life, it seems, in those two, they're still pretty young. They're both a couple hundred thousand light years away, so we haven't been able to get any clear physical images of them with our level of technology yet, but the readouts show atmospheric levels very similar to what Earth's meso-proterozoic era was estimated to have."

"Meso-what?"

"Oh, stars, do I have to give a paleontology lesson too?"

"Oh, wait. Like, dinosaurs?"

"Waaaay before them." They stretch their leg out as if pushing something away. "Probably very early multicellular life. Think worms, and sponges, and algae. And—" they cringe. "Oh geez, fossil reconstructions probably look terrible here."

"Huh?"

They shudder. "Paleontology is probably a pretty fresh field of study here, so any reconstructions are likely horrifically inaccurate."

Siffrin tilts their head.

"Have you been to a museum that has fossils?"

"Once, a while ago."

"I can guarantee, if there were any attempted reconstructions, they look nothing like how these animals actually were."

"Oh."

"You probably learned some pretty wrong things about astronomy, too. So maybe after a few lessons with me, you'd be ready to go out in the world and correct all those awful inaccuracies!" They sputter. "A-actually, don't do that, just keep this all between you and me. Okay?"

Siffrin squints. "So you really are from the future?"

They pause. "Ah. No. It's... No."

"Huh?"

"Anyway!" They clap their hands together. "What else would you like to know?"

Siffrin stares at Loop for a long while, but the rukemi simply stares back, smiling with their single eye curved upward. Their jaws are so close to his face, and he can feel their hot breath on his skin. He sighs. "Can you tell me about constellations?"

"I—" they gaze back into the night. "No. This is an entirely unfamiliar sky."

"What?"

"I don't recognize any of these stars," they murmur. "It looks nothing like the sky back home."

"Oh." They frown and lean back against them. Loop lets out a long sigh.

"Anyway! What else would you like to know?"

Siffrin stares up at the sky; the trillions of twinkling lights staring back at him seem just a little bit closer.

He hums and closes his eye.

"There's a lot I'd like to know," he breathes. "But..."

"Need some time to process all this, hmm?"

"Yeah."

This is nice.

The night chill starts to nip at his knees, so he pulls his cloak down further. A shudder runs down Loop's body as he does it, and their feathers puff up slightly.

So fluffy, so puffy.

They turn to Loop and gaze into their face; they look back, tilting their head the same way and time Siffrin does. Their darkless feathers almost glow in the rising moonlight.

The loops have been unforgiving, still, but at least with Loop here, they finally have a few moments of respite here and there. They're getting back what they've lost. He's getting to know his allies all over again; maybe even better now than at the start of the loops. The House has changed… for better or for worse; snack times are nice, and even though the sadnesses are all over now, he feels himself getting strong enough to defeat most of them with ease.

Maybe eternity with Loop won't be so bad.

He looks away. They watch him for a moment, then sigh.

"You're going to get through this, stardust. We aren't gonna be stuck here forever. That's not how these things work." They cough. "Er—well, I don't really know how these things work but—ergh, you know what I mean."

"I guess." They grab their shoulder and hold themself close.

"Hmm." Loop shifts and stretches their neck. "What do you plan on doing after the loops?"

"What?"

"You have to have some sort of plan for what you want to do after saving an entire country."

He digs his fingers deeper into his arm.

Nothing. Nothing. There is no plan. They're going to be—Everyone will—

Something grips his throat from the inside.

"What will you do after?" His voice wavers.

Loop's silent for a moment. "I suppose I'll go back to how I was before." Their voice is low, resigned.

"How you were—" A chill flashes through him. Like he's being frozen by the King. He whips around to face them. "You'll leave."

Loop folds their ears down and looks away. "Stardust, I thought this was appa—"

Siffrin turns even more, now upright on his knees. "You'll leave! You'll leave me, too? You're just going to leave!?"

They fold their legs back under them. "I-I told you I'm not even supposed to be around yo—"

"I don't care about that!" He shifts forward, grabbing the feathers on Loop's shoulders. "I won't tell anyone about you! We can... I don't know!"

Loop flinches and goes rigid, their tail starts to rapidly twitch. "Stardust, there's nothing—"

The tightness in his throat worms its way out through his chest, down to his gut. "No, no, no! We can keep traveling together you can't leave you're the only one who I can talk to about this!"

"I'm not, though," their voice wavers. "Your pa—"

"I can't tell them! I know I'm selfish and greedy and awful and disgusting but I'm going to lose them and I don't want to lose you too!"

They shrink down more. "Stardust, I don't really know you."

"But you do! You still remember things! You remember to call me stardust! And that you want to help me! And to meet me at the Favor Tree and a lot about the loops and the King and you remember you care about me! Right? That's what you said!"

"I-I did but—" They rake their claws through the earth. "I don't remember anything else."

Tears prick at the corner of his eye but don't fall. "Then I'll tell you! Every time we meet! I'll tell you everything you need to know! That's what I've been doing already! I'll tell you as many times as I need to so if this is ever over you'll remember for real!"

As Siffrin pleads, Loop keeps pulling back, more and more. Their body tenses, and their wings fold tightly against them. They grip the ground, claws digging deep into the dirt.

"Please, stop." A low rumble emanates from deep within their chest.

"No, Loop, please, please don't leave, please you're my f—"

Loop's ears flutter, eye narrows, and they snap their jaws with a hiss. "I'm your what? Your friend? Your family? Someone who can just seamlessly blend in with you when you traipse around other humans?"

A frozen fist crashes right through Siffrin's chest. "But... you said we were friends."

Loop's tail flips up and slams on the ground with an audible thud. "Did I? Okay! Sure! We're friends! I'll be your friend! I'll just keep living out in the woods, watching you go have fun in civilization and hope maybe you'll toss some crumbs my way once in a while! That sounds fun, yes! Sitting out on the sidelines while you get to move on with your life! While you get to go home, and I get to sit in the mud waiting to get another infection that finally kills me. Wondering why I can't go home or if it's even fucking there anymore!"

"While I get to—" Siffrin prickles. Something white-hot bubbles up within him, forcing its way past the chill that had its hold on him; he clenches his jaw so hard his teeth groan painfully. "I can't go home either!"

Their expression shifts in a blink. "What?"

"My home!" He snaps. "It's gone! Wiped completely off the map! At least you remember yours! I don't! I don't even know how old I was when it happened or what it was like or anything about my family or my culture or my language! It's all just gone!"

"Wiped... off the map... like an ex-explosion?" Their feathers stand on end, and they fold their legs closer to their body, claws ripping at a root.

"Just disappeared! Vanished! And everyone forgot everything about it! Including me!"

"Oh."

"That's why I can't remember the stars! I learned it all there and that was taken from me too!" He's yelling, louder and louder. "I don't have anything! I don't have anyone or anywhere to go after this!"

"But your friends—"

"They're not my friends!" he cries. "They don't care enough about me to want to call me that, to want to stay with me! They'll leave me too!"

"I-I'm not sure that's true." Loop's voice is so small.

"It is! Odile said we're just allies! They all talk about going their separate ways when all this is over! And they will, because this journey meant less to them than it did to me!"

feels

tug—

"Ugh!" He screams into his hands and stands up, snatching his hat and forcing it back on his head.

"Wait, stardust."

"Just forget it, I'm going back."

They don't try to stop him.

>>>

The Clocktower is dark when Siffrin arrives, save for a small, crafted light glowing in the dining area.

He swallows the ever-growing knot in his throat and bubbling dread in his gut, then slips in quietly. Isabeau is settled at the table, fixing a tear on one of Bonnie's shirts. He jumps when the door latches, but a bright smile rises on his face when he sees them.

"Sif!" Isabeau whisper-yells. "You're back! I was starting to get worried." He quickly sews in a few more stitches and ties it off before packing everything away.

"I'm fine." He watches as Isabeau carefully puts everything in an orderly fashion. They clench their fist and breathe. "You waited for me? How long was I gone?"

"A couple hours. It's pretty late. The others just went to bed. I'm guessing you had fun catching up with your friend?"

"Something like that."

Stupid. Stupid. Why did you say all that?

"Huh?" Isabeau tilts his head, studying them.

"They're just leaving tomorrow, is all." They smile.

Why did you do that?

"Aw, you won't be able to see them after we beat the King?"

Ha.

They shake their head. "It's fine, though, we talked a lot tonight."

And then you had to go fucking blind it up by acting like some sort of possessive, desperate creep.

"That's good, at least!" He grins. "Still, I'm sorry you won't have more time with them. I know it's hard to say goodbye sometimes."

"Yeah."

They stare at the floor for a moment before slowly looking up at Isabeau. He smiles, soft and warm, but he seems tense, gripping his hand tightly and rubbing circles on the back with his thumb.

Neither speaks. Everything is so quiet that his own breathing is almost deafening.

It's fine. It's whatever! They're gonna forget this too, and you can pretend it never happened!

They stretch out with an exaggerated, forced yawn.

Unless you were that much of a blinding ass that it's permanently seared into their memory.

"Heh, ready for bed?" Isabeau hums.

"Mhm," they nod, blinking slowly. They're not tired at all.

"Okay," he hums. "Hey, Sif, before we head up, can I tell you something really quick?"

"Hm?" Is it the same thing from every other night or something new?

Doesn't matter, it's not like he'll say whatever it is.

Loop. Why did they..? Ughh...

He keeps his eye focused on Isabeau, though his mind keeps trying to wander.

"Okay, um," he begins, cheeks darkening. "I just wanted to tell you that I, uhm... really liked traveling with you and... and..." He looks away, scratching the back of his head. "And that's it. It was fun. Yep!"

That's it? That's all he wanted to tell them?

They feel...

"Oh."

"Oh? You didn't..?" His expression falls. "Never mind."

"No, no, I did!" He holds his hands up. "This journey... meant a lot... to me. I just expected..."

Isabeau shrinks in on himself. "More?" he coughs. He can't make eye contact. "Well, there was something else I wanted to say, but I'll tell you tomorrow, after we beat the King. Wouldn't want to distract you."

Ah, the usual, then.

"Is that okay?" He leans forward, head tilted.

They nod. Maybe one day they can pry it out of him, but not today.

Too blinding dead inside.

And... ugh!

Why did you flip out at them like that? They didn't know! But ugh. They should have! Why can't they remember? Why can't you remember?

...

They can't go home either.

...

"Okay!" His radiant smile is back, and even after all this time, Siffrin feels a little bit of ease flow through him.

It's fine. It's fine! Maybe they'll change their mind!

Isabeau gets out of his seat and walks up to them. "Ready for bed? Big day tomorrow haha." His cheeks are still flushed.

"Yeah," they nod. "Lemme just—" They point to the bathroom.

"Okay, I'll warm the bed for you hahahhh."

He snorts, and they part ways.

Why did you do that?

He locks himself in the bathroom and tries not to scream.

Why did you do that?

They splash cold water on their face and slap their cheeks until it hurts.

Why did you do that?

They find their mildewy towel and scream into it.

Why did you do that!?

They hold it to their face, breathing in the stink, getting hardly any fresh air.

Why did you do that!?

They kick the wall, forgetting they had just taken their shoes off. They bite their lip hard enough to make a mark and resist the urge to rip the sink off its pedestal and throw it out the window.

He sighs and gazes out into the night toward the field they were in, wondering if Loop was still there, wondering where they sleep at night, wondering why they can't go home either. Tears threaten to fall again, and he chokes up.

Why did you... do that..?

When he sneaks into the sleeping quarters, Isabeau is already out like a light.

They slip in beside him and shuffle under the blankets.

He settles in for a long, sleepless night.

Loop.

>>>

The next morning, Siffrin can't bring themself to start any new conversations, and they slip back into a semi-script as their party ascends the House. They try and fail not to think about their horrific blunder from the night before.

A stupid sadness is waiting near the entrance this time. They nod along as their party reassures Mirabelle, and he manages to take out half its health with one swipe.

He is getting stronger.

He can't bring himself to feel excited; it's not like it matters unless he can somehow get strong enough to kill the King in one hit.

But they don't even let themself dream about that.

Wouldn't it be nice, though?

>>>

They remember the key in the Head Housemaiden's desk drawer and slot it into the Library's lock.

The library... something about the back wall.

Oh!

The secret library!

The switch!

They shove their way inside and beeline it to the ancient bricks.

Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. It's just boring papers.

But still...

They run their fingers across the wall until they feel a brick shift slightly.

He gasps.

Is this it?

Deep breath, in, and out.

They press it in.

It scrapes along the other bricks and...

There's a series of muffled clicks, and suddenly the wall slides away to reveal a narrow passage.

...

He can't breathe.

THERE REALLY WAS A SECRET LIBRARY?

WHAT?!?

"What the gems—?!"

"SECRET PASSAGE!!!" Bonnie screeches.

Mirabelle looks between them and the opening rapidly. "But how— How did you—"

"I-I just touched it and it opened," he chuckles and rubs the back of his neck.

Mirabelle steps forward and peers at the mechanism poking out at the top. "That's so weird?! Was it here all this time?!?"

If it was, then... then...

They don't want to think about it! They will not think about it!

He steels himself and enters.

Another sadness slithers around. They bite back a hiss and sneak past when it has its back turned.

That's future Siffrin's problem.

They push their way through the ancient, heavy door and...

Sweet stars, it really is a secret library.

Stars, stars, blind it all.

No, stop thinking about it and look!

"Wow, there's so much here!" Mirabelle gasps.

"Fascinating," Odile muses. Some papers catch her eye, and she drifts over to a pile on the table.

Siffrin's heart hammers against his chest.

Don't get your hopes up.

Do NOT get your hopes up.

They walk stiffly to the first shelf.

He's already sweaty, clammy, gross—the sensation of angry bees buzz in his chest.

They swallow the tightness in their throat.

Okay, okay, just start looking.

Okay, okay, okay, nothing yet. Nothing useful...oh hey, there is an ancient book on newts.

...

Nothing there. Just a bunch of books on colors. Whatever those are.

Next shelf.

Isabeau seems to notice his tension, but Siffrin gives him the widest smile they can and turns away before he can say anything.

There's another headache book.

He starts to gravitate toward it.

No—no time. Don't get distracted.

Check everything. Leave no book glossed over.

Last shelf.

Last shelf. Please.

Please, something.

He runs his finger along the spine of every book to keep himself from rushing ahead and skipping something in his haste.

"Siffrin?" Mirabelle asks. "Are you looking for something in particular?"

No. No. No. Still no.

"Huh? Oh." Maybe another set of eyes would be helpful. "Do you think there's something on Crafted shields?"

Isabeau peers at the shelf. "Like, shields in battle? To protect ourselves?" He hums, scratching at his chin. "It would be useful, wouldn't it... We have skills to boost our defense, but a shield would be cool."

Mirabelle hums, threading her fingers together. "I-I was thinking about learning! And I feel like I'm close to getting it!!! But... I'm not there yet. Sorry."

Bonnie squeezes past them and kneels over the bottom. "This book here is just called 'Shields', and it's super dusty." They pull out a book near the bottom of the final shelf.

What?

"Dusty books are good, right?" They smile and hold it out to them.

Siffrin nearly rips the book from Bonnie's hands and throws it open.

This... this could be.

"Siffrin?"

"Whoa, Sif, are you okay? You're shaking."

He hands the book to Mirabelle without a word.

He can't look. He stares at the empty space in the bookshelf instead.

Mirabelle watches him for a moment, they all do, before she turns to the book and starts thumbing through the pages.

Don't get your hopes up.

She stops about a quarter of the way through the book. Siffrin forces his head to turn and catches a glance at the page. It's dense and full of confusing diagrams.

Mirabelle taps the side of the book rhythmically. "Well, that's not how it works." She chews on her lip. "But... . . ."

Don't. Get. Your. Hopes. Up.

He forces his expression into mild curiosity.

He wants to throw up.

"Wait... Wait a second." Mirabelle gasps. It's as if a switch goes off in her mind. Her expression brightens, and she buries her nose back into the pages.

A few more seconds of mumbling and Siffrin clenching and unclenching his fists, and—

"THAT'S ALL?!?!?"

He nearly jumps out of his skin, causing Isabeau to jump too and reach out to them like they're about to keel over.

"THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT?!??!"

Don't get your hopes up don't get your hopes up dont'getyourhopesupdontdontdont.

"Ah." Odile wanders over from the papers she was snooping in.

"Oh, this sounds fun." Isabeau leans over to check the book, takes one look at the text, cringes, and leans back.

Mirabelle chews on her knuckle. "So then, if I do this, and keep this in mind, and don't forget about this..."

She mumbles under her breath for a long time...

"Okay, so..." She slams the book shut and snaps her head toward them. He jumps again. "Siffrin, do NOT move. I'm about to try a highly volatile Craft Skill on you that I've never tried before."

He freezes. His lungs feel like they're being squeezed.

Just breathe. In, and out.

Mirabelle holds her hands out and murmurs a few words. There's a sound of sizzling wind chimes that seems to originate from within Siffrin's own body.

He feels warm all of a sudden, like a thick blanket wrapped itself around him.

He pries his eye open right as Bonnie throws a punch in his stomach.

Owwie. He flinches. Wait.

"Boniface."

Mirabelle leans closer. "Siffrin, did you feel something...?"

He puts his hand on his stomach.

They didn't feel a thing.

They

Did

Not

Feel

Thing.

...

He shakes his head.

He keeps shaking it, more and more.

He didn't feel it. It didn't hurt. He didn't feel it it didn't hurt he didn't feel it he did not feel a thing!!!

A laugh bubbles up from within his chest, and soon he's reduced to a cackling mess leaning up against the ancient books.

He doesn't even care that his allies are all staring at him as tears and snot stream down his face.

They feel like their chest should hurt by now from how violently they're laughing, but it feels fine!

It doesn't hurt!

Don't get your hopes up!

"Uh, Sif, Buddy," Isabeau says when he slides to the floor, still laughing. "You uh—"

"Yeah, haha? Isa?" They wipe all the fluids from their face in one long motion.

"Nothing, glad you're happy it works!"

"That wasn't a side effect of the craft, was it?" Mirabelle hugs the book to her chest.

"No! Haha, no, it's fine! It's fine. It just I uh... thought of a really bad joke... about shields!"

"Really?" Odile raises an eyebrow. "Gems, alive Siffrin."

"Boo," Bonnie crosses their arms.

"So, what was it?" Isabeau asks tentatively.

"Forgot!" They're not even going to bother trying to salvage that.

They have a shield skill!

They can survive the King now!

Maybe!

Don't get your hopes up!

Trembling, they pull themself back upright, wiping the remaining snot from their nose. The shield Craft has since worn off, and he can feel a twinge of tightness in his chest as he gets the remaining giggles out of his system.

They're gonna beat the King again and Mirabelle's gonna deal the final blow and they're going to break the loops and then everyone...

Loop...

Siffrin shakes his head and violently blinks away the thoughts. He takes one step toward the door and stops. They're gonna have to come back there. It's going to take so long every time because they're not gonna beat the King this loop or next loop or the next loop!

...

Maybe there's another way for Mirabelle to learn quicker.

He turns to her. "So, Mira. What made it click?"

"Huh?"

"This book? What about it made you figure it out when you couldn't before?"

"Oh!" she perks up. "That's easy! It's all about—" Mirabelle suddenly bombards him with technical terms!!! He doesn't follow a single word but smiles and nods along either way.

>>>

" —and that's how you do it!!!"

"I did not understand even a little bit of this." Odile rubs her temples.

Isabeau crosses his arms and looks into the distance. "Hm, I couldn't craft a skill like that myself, but..." He squints as he searches for his next words. He lights up with a small gasp. "But it's just about using the CARROT method, right?"

Odile takes the book and gives it a cursory glance. "Is it?" She flips back a page. "I guess that makes some sort of sense..."

Mirabelle flips back a page and shows Odile. "It is! They actually mention it in here, too!"

The CARROT method???

"What's the CARROT method?" Bonnie tilts their head and scrunches their nose.

Mirabelle points to a line and reads aloud: "Can Arrive at a Really Really Outstanding Technique".

What?

Isabeau chuckles. "If you don't know the CARROT method, you don't need to know the CARROT method."

Okay.

Siffrin sure feels stupider than usual this loop.

But it's fine, it's fine! They have a shield skill! That's what matters!

They take a breath. "So, hypothetically, someone reminding you of the CARROT method would make it click for you?"

"Yes!!!!!!" Mirabelle beams, sliding the book back into its place on the shelf and clapping her hands together.

Well, there you go.

Don't. Get. Your. Hopes. Up.

>>>

They make it through the rest of the house.

He tries to start a few conversations, but his mind is miles away.

Don't get your hopes up.

Do not get your hopes up.

...

Loop.

They don't have anywhere to go either...

Pick up that tonic.

Don't get your hopes up.

Why did you yell at them like that?

Kill that sadness—oh, hey that wasn't so bad this time. More than half of your tonics left.

Why did you have to act like such a needy creep?

Why would they want to stay with you?

Don't get your hopes up.

Pick the malanga fritters again.

They're only helping you to get out of the loops.

Tastes like ash.

The King is ahead...

Siffrin shuts his eye tightly and takes a deep breath, in and out.

He takes another, and another.

They're packing up and are about ready to leave the final safe room.

Tune back in, Siffrin. Don't embarrass yourself dying WITH a shield.

Don't get your hopes up.

"Ready?" Isabeau says as they approach the door.

He blinks and pulls his gaze from the tear floating dangerously close.

"Ready!" He smiles.

Deep breath.

Deep, deep breath.

They push through the door and enter the final hallway before the King.

His heart is going to shatter his ribs.

It's so loud. He can hear it.

It sounds like... clanking metal.

Wait.

He pauses.

That's not him.

"What's that sound?" Bonnie asks.

Something crashes far ahead.

The King bellows, followed by another crash.

Wait.

Wait. Waitwaitwait.

Oh no.

His legs move on their own, and he dashes full speed ahead.

"Sif!?"

"Siffrin, wait!"

Oh stars, oh stars.

Oh, blind it all!

The noise grows louder. There's a massive boom, and the whole House shudders. Dust shakes free from the ancient bricks. Siffrin stumbles but does not slow. His party is already far behind him, calling out to them.

He throws the door open, heart in his throat.

At the far end of the antechamber, the King thrashes around, wailing. Something long juts from his neck, and dark blood spurts from it with every move he makes. The walls around him are littered with holes, with a particularly massive one to his left. Rubble, shards of glass, and so so many tears coat the floor and

there

shade...

terrifying and visceral spattered across everything, the walls, the floor, the King.

And before the tyrant, flying erratically, thrashing violently, dripping that same shade is...

"Loop!"

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starly-amazing · 1 day ago

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isasifloop warm ups

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starly-amazing · 1 day ago

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healthy mixture of angst doodles and qpr sketches

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starly-amazing · 2 days ago

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OOOOOOHHHHHH I'M GOING TO SMASH THIS BLINDING STAR INTO SMITHEREENS OHHHH MY GODDDDD