startledplatypus

[startledplatypus]

i was falling asleep and thought of this so now it’s like 3am jesus i need to go to sleep ok bye

[startledplatypus]

Priceless. DT owning his non-verbal vocalizations (I had to look that up just now) and making the English language look like an amateur.

Yes, I'm very late to the party as usual, since this is a 2023 post. 😆

Crowley noises (part 1)

Source: Kaz on Xitter

[startledplatypus]

🎧Someone is Calling Him Shorewards🎧

Podfic by @nosferatini

PODFIC COMPLETE!

🎧Listen to the FINAL Chapter!

Or start from the Beginning!

Listeners Beware!

Here be the complete podfic of the haunting, heart-wrenching masterpiece written by @harlotofupdog !

A few notes:

I survived!😮‍💨 (Or did I? …Cue thunder…) But I couldn’t have done it without the Storm Jazz (previously Storm Jizz) support group. What started around harlot’s second published chapter as an emotional support group for the fic eventually morphed into a vast network of conspiracy theorists, support ducks, gerbils in trenchoats and the treacherous @ineffablecrankshaft producing what is surely the most devastating piece of art to ever fall before my eyes (I’m still mad at you!) to help (supposedly) everyone cope not only through the fic, but through the angst relapse of an entire podfic (sorry guys!)

You can check out Crank’s dark humored [censored foul language] art at the very end of the podfic by scrolling down, but I recommend you form your own opinion first. As harlot would say, there are no wrong interpretations.

I was blessed with an incredible musician and a series of custom heartbreaking artworks in @paperclipninja and @wingsofopal respectively, as well as a ferryboat full of beta listeners who have helped catch all the little glitches and improvements that I couldn’t have done without. Thanks to everyone for weathering the storm with me… I couldn’t have done it alone 😉 (cue *You can’t do it alone* in Anathema’s voice)

(Check out @wingsofopal On Instagram!)

If you like the podfic, don’t forget to give love to the original fic here: Someone is Calling Him Shorewards (AO3)

Eternal gratitude to @goodomensafterdark’s Chattering Order and the @whickberstreetwriters for their emotional and creative support during the production of this podfic!

[startledplatypus]

Writer’s Guild Presents: The Ecstasy of Eden: Chapter two

Welcome to the 6th Century.

Things are hotting up for round two of sex pollen through the ages.

Includes: banter, bed humping, sexy armour removal, Aziraphale getting his dom on, and of course pining

CW/TW: Sex pollen (obvs), dubcon (though it’s very consensual), dom/sub dynamics, orgasm edging/control, kind of undernegotiated kink, but they do talk about it.

The incredible illustrious_slimeman made some wonderful art for this chapter! Visit their tumblr for more amazing arts here.

Read from chapter two here Or start from the beginning here

Excerpt

“I - Crowley, we’re afflicted.” He swallowed. “Shouldn’t we deal with this - ah - alone?”

“Or -” Crowley said. He grabbed Aziraphale’s knees, and pinned them in place, his yellow eyes burning with a fierce unsated hunger. “Is that what you want, angel? For me to crawl over there, and hide under the bedsheets til we’re done. We could enjoy ourselves, that was the plan, wasn’t it? Maybe a bit more physical than I was expecting, but it could be fun.”

“I’m not sure whether Heaven, would agree with -”

“Has that ever stopped you before?” Aziraphale’s mind drifted to slurping down the salty taste of oysters to drinking his first sip of wine, followed immediately by several more sips. The first time he did this, Aziraphale’s 🍆 swelled against the woollen fabric at his crotch, he swallowed and stared deep in Crowley’s yellow eyes.

“Tell me what you want, angel.”

“But-”

“Don’t play coy. You once made a wine farmer move his entire vineyard 100 meters to the left because the flavor wasn’t right.”

“The soil was far too acidic!”

“And you asked a bakery to re-bake a whole batch of sweetbreads because the texture was ‘too chewy’.”

“It was like eating leather.”

“And they all bloody do it, don’t they? Because of your sweet little angelic face.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“You call the shots. I won’t do anything you don’t want to do. Take what you want, angel. Tell me what to do."

Aziraphale’s hands tightened under the bed sheets, bunching the fabric into his palms to steady himself. Crowley stared up at him, his beautiful face caught in genuine adoration. The hold Aziraphale was keeping on everything started to waver.

“What if I just watched you?” Crowley said, letting go of his hand and drifting his fingertips along Aziraphale’s thighs. “You watched me last time. You liked it.”

“That was for research.”

“Please, angel.” Crowley held his hands in prayer, his head bowed between Aziraphale’s knees. This sight stirred something deep within him, something that seemed both akin to and at odds with his angelic nature.

@goodomensafterdark Thanks to: @adverbian, @voluptatiscausa, @malachitegrey again for the High Sex Pollen Event! And to my lovely betas: @fuzzygoblin , @yes-its-unholy, and @happynachohologram. This chap would be 10x worse without all of you.

[startledplatypus]

Last Line Challenge

Rules - In a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or however many as you like.)

"He realized that was the first time she'd done so."

Tagging: @rhosmeinir ;)

@aidaran-alha @adverbian @cheeseplants @depressedpenguin2 @disastrouslook @dbacklot99 @fishey-me @fuzzygoblin @gaiaseyes451 @hakunahistata @happynachohologram @kunigun @lemon-tart-221 @mrscakeishere

[startledplatypus]

Doing the Lawd's work as usual.

Hello Where's Wally/Waldo afficionados!

Can you spot Aziraphale in Soho?

[startledplatypus]

intentionally horrid art by... me

Indyoni Crowley and the Temple of the Jade Egg

By @startledplatypus and @wingsofopal

Rated: E; Words: 8.3K; Genre: crackfic

CW: none, but being an April Fool's fic, "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" is in effect

Summary:

Aziraphale receives an unexpected gift from the new shop on Whickber Street and asks Crowley to help him figure out how to use it. Since they're both already a bit pissed, what would have been a weird evening anyway goes completely pear-shaped... or, in this case, egg-shaped.

Involves the improper use of a yoni egg, tampons, lubricant, and fire. Involves the dubious use of French and a lisp, but not a French lisp. Trauma is arguably enacted upon a Chesterfield sofa as well as one desk and its entire contents.

Also be advised that there are two regrettable but noble deaths: Aziraphale's trousers and Crowley's vintage Bob Marley tee.

Excerpt (Read the entire story on ao3):

Aziraphale hiccoughed loudly.

“Think y’ve had enough, angel,” Crowley drawled, perched on the Chesterfield’s arm and barely hanging on to his coffee mug. They’d decided to get drunk enough that they shouldn’t use the crystal tonight.

“Crowley, dear, I am completely sober!’’ squealed the angel, almost sending his teacup airborne. By the grace of Someone, he managed to grab hold of it instead, using it to indicate the desk at which he sat. ”There is something I wanted to show you – I am not sure what it means, exactly. Maybe you can help me?’’

Crowley raised an eyebrow.

“I received a package recently, and it contained the most bizarre thing!”

This time Crowley hiccoughed. (The demon would’ve insisted that he belched. Crowley did not hiccough, according to Crowley.) “Wot is it?”

“Well, they seem to have been sent to all the Whickber Street shops. There’s a new…” Aziraphale realised his teacup was seriously askew and carefully set it on his desk. “What was I… oh! There’s a new shop on the corner. A… Sex Shop,” he enunciated, as if it might be a Clue.

*~*~*

Special thanks to our beta readers @theravenmuse, @spookysexy, and @cheeseplants as well as to the continual support of the awesome community at @goodomensafterdark!

[startledplatypus]

Happy April Fool's!

"Soho Does Easter." A modern reinterpretation of Easter regalia and poignant commentary regarding the range of emotional responses to this seminal Christian holiday. Possible breaking of the 4th wall due regarding the unrendered response of the assumed congregation.

Influences include Berke Breathed, Monty Python and Hugh Hefner, as well as cottagecore and bespoke BDSM fashion.

(In other words, our ineffables decided to crash a local Anglican church gathering, but Aziraphale got the totally wrong outfits at the costume shop. Our angel sports tartan hose (of course) and retro pumps; Crowley demanded PVC thigh-high boots and opera gloves or he was going back to bed.

(While our angel waxes ecstatic about whatever he's waxing about (which clearly didn't involve his pits), aggrieved priest John Cleese looks on while Crowley plays Candy Crush.

(As for the "seminal" part, refer to the two bunnies copulating in the lower left.)