stemcellee

[stemcellee]

[stemcellee]

march 10 2025

I disappeared for a bit but happy to say I am finishing ms2 next week and will be hALFWAY done with my degree

hey siri play halfway there by big time rush

[stemcellee]

Even when you're tired, remember why you started.

[stemcellee]

focus on the likes and not the wants

you may not want to clean your room, but you like the peace and call it brings you after

you may not want to study, but you like the confidence and satisfaction you get from being prepared

you may not not want to apologise, but you like the relief and connection that reconciliation brings

you may not want to cook, but you like the satisfaction of eating a healthy come cooked meal prepared with love

you may not want to exercise, but you like how you feel afterwards and how it makes you confident

you may not want to journal or write, but you like the reflection and calm it brings you

you may not want to step out of your comfort zone, but you like the new experiences and growth you gain from it

my insta @ malusokay

[stemcellee]

i love how we pick up habits and phrases and songs from people we love and it sticks with us for so long it becomes a piece of us making us a museum of all the people we've ever loved

[stemcellee]

who else up learning things the hard way

[stemcellee]

sometimes making tea is less about drinking it and more about it keeping you company

[stemcellee]

february 6 2025

you know I’ve actually been doing well lately. I had a little bit of a depressive episode for a while last year and it scared me because in the moment it really doesn’t feel like there’s a way out but im happy to say that ive worked really hard on it and am proud of myself for all the person growth I’ve done to get here ⭐️ hope you’re all taking care of yourselves as well

[stemcellee]

january 11 2025

Happy new year!! I have to lock in these next few months step 1 is coming 😭 also recently got to try out the Da Vinci surgical robot it was SO cool truly a med school moment out of a movie

[stemcellee]

[stemcellee]

[stemcellee]

december 25 2024

merry christmas my friends!!

I drew these silly pokemon over the counter meds as a gift for study buddy hehe

[stemcellee]

how lucky we are to return to a warm bed from the cold

[stemcellee]

december 16 2024

views at school lately

[stemcellee]

december 15 2024

can’t believe almost every december in my entire life has been clouded by exams. i wonder what decembers will feel like in the future when all this schooling stuff is over LOL

[stemcellee]

november 25 2024

i haven't really put a lot of words out there recently but i think i finally have something to get off my chest after thinking about it for a while...and to avoid spam it's under the cut D:

happy holidays to everyone though can't believe the season is already here!!!

med school is so hard!! i admit when i first got in, i was like "im not gonna let it get to me. i have amazing stress management skills and i'll handle everything so well!!" and then i fought a lot with dissapointment in myself when i was struggling with things i never imagined.

stuff i feel like i wasn't prepared for:

the constant worry about not doing enough. you see snippets of other people's lives when they are productive and it makes you feel like everyone is so much more productive than you

how hard it can be to compartmentalized. both ways!! when i'm relaxing ("relaxing") i'm planning how to somehow be productive while relaxing. when i'm working, im wishing so bad i had spent my relaxing time ACtually relaxing

attachment. this feels like such a personal problem but when i'm doing practice questions the clinical vignette is consistently similar to people in my life who have been affected by the pathologies i'm about to be tested on. a 70 year old woman with hypertension and diabetes...succumbs to decompensated heart failure. a 50 year old woman has bouts of angina...and suffers a massive MI. a 60 year old male is rushed to the hospital for chest pain...and dies of ventricular arrythmia an hour later. it's so scary thinking about how your parents and loved ones could be those patients!! it motivates me to make sure i learn these things for my future patients but it's sad carrying this around. i guess this is part of why i went to med school anyways...

how easy it is to forget about yourself. i will have days of highly productive focused studying/work but suddenly will get slapped with an unexpected migraine. i am getting a lot better about this but i have to remember that working out, eating well, etc are not wastes of time. i need to preserve myself most importantly becasue without me, i can't even do any of this!!

last thing. projection. i find myself making up problems sometimes that i think is a coping mechanism for projecting my own frustrations into something to blame. like studying is tough and i get frustrated that it doesn't come as easily to me sometimes, so i feel upset that things aren't how i expected them to be, like if i had more support id be happier/better at studying etc. while that's true, i recognize it's also a coping mechanism to place the blame externally...

anyways yeah there are a lot of things i've been thinking about in the thick of it all. med school is not what i expected it to be, and i really cannot blame others for not knowing what to expect either because truly you cannot anticipate how you will feel. thanks for reading it's been a min

[stemcellee]