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look for beauty everywhere

my utopia has disability in it. my utopia includes free healthcare and no-questions welfare and state-funded carers. my utopia includes building requirements that centre disabled bodies — ramps and lifts and dimmer switches and braille signs. my utopia has disability in it. because without disability, it’s not much of a utopia at all

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Aesthetic Sexuality: A Literary History of Sadomasochism, Romana Byrne / Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, Patrick Süskind

Pater admires the way in which the “subtleties and sophistications” of the bacchanals encompass their “grotesques,” their “excited, troubled, disturbing” finales that excite “a real shudder at the horror of the theme.” He details one such finale, describing the death of Pentheus in Euripides’ The Bacchae: the King “was fallen upon, like a wild beast, by the mystic huntresses and torn to pieces, his mother being the first to begin ‘the sacred rites of slaughter.’

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“When I lobby for the inner life as a sacred site, as a touchstone, as a place of repair, as our integrity, as our private dialogue with our developing self, as our conscience and moral compass, as the joy of discovery, as deep connection with the known and unknown worlds of both experience and imagination, as the part of us we feel will not die, because in some sense it is passed on - as wisdom, as goodness, as an inter-generational touch across time, as the best of us, not least because it resists too much exposure to light, although it is light. The inner life is shy of too many visitors, but it is where we go to commune with ourselves, where we meet with the part of us that is both stillness and vibrant. A clear sound on a cold night. When I lobby for the inner life it is because it must be nurtured. Nurtured by nature and culture - the twin pillars of humanity here on earth; our connection with this planet, and with the civilisations we have created, their glories of art and architecture, of science and philosophy. We create worlds - inner worlds and outer worlds - and we need to live in both those worlds because we are born hybrids. […] We are contemplatives and doers. We imagine and we build. We get our hands dirty, yet we rise above it all, star-dreamers and shit-shovellers. Creatures of beauty, as well as ugliness and fear. Terrible failure. Impossible success.”

— Jeanette Winterson, 12 Bytes: How We Got Here. Where We Might Go Next

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How to have a conversation about a topic you’re not interested in or don’t know anything about:

Listen to what the other person has to say about the topic.

Ask a question about what they said. Asking them to clarify or explain something you don’t understand is great, but any question will do. All else fails, ask them to explain what they like about some part of the topic.

Listen to their responses and go back to step 2.

Do this until 5-15 minutes has passed, then change the subject to a topic of your interest, unless you are actually interested in learning more on this subject, in which case, go on for as long as you like.

Sometimes, they will say something like “I’m sorry to blather on about [topic].” This is an attempt at a conversational dismount. You can either say “no, it was fascinating, thanks” and then bring up your own topic, or you can say “no, it’s fascinating, please keep going” if you want to keep hearing about their topic. Note the tense difference (past -> moving on, present -> keep going).

I just thought I’d write a script for this, because someone who can’t / won’t do this came up in a Captain Awkward column, and listening about topics you have no interest in is a really useful skill to have and not often explicitly taught, particularly to boys and men.

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kissing?

Me n who

[Start ID: A disabled parking spot where a figure in a wheelchair has been painted over the original, making it look like one one of them is in the other’s lap and they’re kissing. /End ID.]

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#honestly?

It's very possible that the only way to ensure you don't become a conservative old person is to keep checking whether you're wrong. Every time. Genuinely mull over the opposing viewpoint even and especially when it's uncomfortable. You absolutely cannot a) consider yourself safely incapable of terrible principles because you're a good person, or b) treat a your disgust reaction to something as a moral truth. You can't get comfortable. Tiring! But you'd rather be tired and choose the right path, you know?

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was there a who beyond you there?

“We’re born alone and we die alone” you were born alone? Your mom wasn’t there?