stevenjamesthoughtblog

[stevenjamesthoughtblog]

Something Inhuman Is Following Me.

You know that unexplainable feeling you get when you think someone is watching you? The hairs on the back of your neck standing on end, and that pit that rises in your stomach. I am sure most of you reading this are familiar with the feeling. And that's how this story begins, with that feeling.

I get off work at midnight every weeknight. I work in a warehouse and I have the evening shift (4pm to 12am). My drive home usually lasts about a half hour if traffic is good, which it usually is considering I get off when most people are already fast asleep. And from 10 to midnight I am completely alone.

The first time I had the feeling was about a week ago. I was stopped at an intersection waiting for the green light. It was unusually barren and unusually long. After awhile I thought about just going thru anyway but decided I would rather wait than have to pat for a stupid (and unnecessary) ticket. I was in no hurry.

Then came the chill. It ran up my spine like ice. I could feel eyes on me – invading me – and then as soon as the feeling came it went, and the light turned green.

That night I didn't see anything, it wasn't until a couple days after that I caught a glimpse. When I finally did see it I was shaken to the core.

So a two later I was once again on my way home driving the same route and once again came to be stopped at the unusually long light. After waiting for a bit the feeling came again but this time worse, like whatever it was was closer this time. My blood ran cold and I was filled with terror.

Then I noticed it. It was standing by the corner of a building, adjacent to the light. He was tall. I mean he was fucking TALL! Maybe twice the height of the average man. He had long arms and at the end of those long arms were hideously long fingers. If you can even call them that. I hesitate to call them claws. But the thing that disturbed me the most about this creature was his eyes. Empty red holes in his head. It was almost like they were absorbing red light and at the same time producing it. Then once again the feeling was gone and so was the creature. And right on cue the light turned green.

That night, understandably so, I did not get much sleep. I just couldn’t get those eyes out of my head. They way they peered into me.  I tried my best to convince myself that I had imagined it. That it was just a symptom of exhaustion. My attempt failed. No sleep for me.

The next day wasn’t great at work. In no small part I'm sure due to my lack of sleep. Even the next day surrounded by my job and friends the creature haunted my thoughts. I got my ass handed to me from my boss. The mistake in processing was my fault but still nobody likes to be scalded. In a strange way it was good because it helped occupy my mind and took thoughts away from you know what.

Then came 10. The time that I am alone in the warehouse. I turned on all the lights so I could feel less alone. Still though, I could feel the emptiness in there like a negative pressure, weighing down on me.

Finally came midnight and I had completed all my work. As I was locking the door I heard a clatter from the back. A sudden horror filled me as my mind went straight to my new best friend.

The warehouse was dimly lit by security lights. I couldn’t see what had made the noise but I was dead set on locking up and walking away. Then I realized if something back there was a mess and I left it like that it could mean my job. So I gathered my courage and took the trek to the back. I had my keys in my knuckles and my phone acting as a flashlight in my other hand.

I came to a back shelf and saw that a box had fell. So I bent down, picked it up, and placed it back in its spot. I should have known a box like that doesn’t fall on its own.

When I came back to the door I saw him there waiting for me. He was blocking my path to the exit.

I booked fucking ass to the back exit not once looking back and ran all the way home, leaving the building unlocked.

I have absolutely no idea what to do now. I don’t even know what it is that is after me. What could it possibly want with me? I feel like I am loosing my mind. I dread my next encounter with… whatever it is that is following me.

[stevenjamesthoughtblog]

Beyond

Beyond 

Underground 

In between 

I found a way 

To see the things

What lies beyond 

This mortal plain 

Is simply nothing,

Only pain 

By, Anthony Grey

[stevenjamesthoughtblog]

Adrift (revised)

Adrift

It has been 46 Earth days since I was stranded. I am now drifting aimlessly through the cosmos, on a journey to a destination I will never reach.

    I am a commander now. A commander of a small emergency vehicle, that was jettisoned after the crash. I have enough resources to survive five Earth months on my own. After that I will  suffocate. Of course I could have committed suicide the first day, after I realized there was no hope for rescue. I figured I might as well take the time to enjoy the view and reflect on my life. The view is truly awesome. I can see stars, stretched across the milky way galaxy like a deflated balloon.  I can see the orange copper colored space clouds, hovering like sleeping ghosts. I want to spend every waking moment I have left observing the majesty of our universe.

    The panic and terror when I realize just how small I am comes to me  often. But usually when I’m sleeping, so I keep that to a minimum. I get about 3 hours per a 24 hour period. Which is more than enough for myself since I hardly do anything other than gaze into the abyss.

    Caught in between thoughts of existence are thoughts of my wife, whom I miss dearly. I should never have signed on for this stupid mission. Always needing to be the hero, that was me. If I meditate hard enough I can feel her warmth, see her face, even smell her perfume. That usually only serves to make things worse. Knowing that Ill never really hug her again, never really look into her eyes, never really smell her. I have a small wallet sized photo of her with me. She looked so beautiful that day. We were camping out in the woods. Her golden was tied into a pony tail. And she was just sitting there reading a book in her camp chair. When I looked over I just had to capture it. She looked perfect, she always was perfect to me but just then, she was perfect. I got a few of her before she noticed, but the on in my hands now is one after I was caught, she looked over and had was smiling.  

We were nearing Saturn when it happened. I still don’t know for sure bit I think we must have been stuck my a rogue meteor. Whatever it was it knocked me out. When I woke up I smelled smoke and was searching for my crew. That's when I say my commander lying there with her head gashed open, already dead. The lights were off but the emergency ones were lighting the cabin in a dim glow. I could feel the ship was spinning off axis, and the pressure was dropping rapidly. I needed to fine the rest of my crew when out if nowhere it seemed, the pilot of our craft came rushing towards me. As if we were playing a game of football and not in a tin can in the middle of outer space. He was gushing blood out of his left side and looked on the verge of collapsing. Her shoved me into the emergency escape vehicle and sent me on my way. It happened so fast I had no chance to protest.

What I saw next horrified me. Everyone. My entire crew, all floating in the vacuum of space. Most with injuries, some seemed to be without a scratch. Everyone but my commander, the pilot, and myself. Dead and slowly freezing.  

I now understood why the pilot did what he did. He knew I was the only one left and he knew that I would not leave him behind. So he made the choice for me. He was and is a real hero.

I have had contact with Earth. The messages are severely delayed due to that annoying thing, the speed of light. Obviously they wanted the whole story, and I gave them as much as I could. And after informing me that a rescue mission for me would be impossible, they got rather silent. I guess it was uncomfortable talking to a man floating to his death in a tin can.

They will probably give me and the rest of the crew the medal of honor. Actually ground control said that they will in a message (although I doubt their power for medal giving). It isn’t much, but thinking about how my crew and I will be honored is something to hold on to. Maybe that makes me sound selfish but I think those who have a death sentence are aloud to be slightly selfish. Think of it as my last meal. Although my actual last meal will probably be dehydrated potatoes. Re-hydrated with my filtered urine. Mmm tasty.

Luckily this small emergency craft has a nice sized window, perfect for star gazing. I can see the glorious planet Saturn. Its as big in my window as the moon is in yours. I am very lucky to have been forsaken next to my favorite planet. (well second favorite after Earth).  It is undoubtedly the most beautiful sight in our solar system. Light clouds of orange and gray float around in cosmic whirls. I can see every ring wrapped around her in vivid detail. Endless loops of copper lice. When I look at this glorious work of nature for long enough, I would swear I could see her breathing.

When my little home – perhaps little coffin is more apt – turns around, you can see stars, loads of them. I wish I had studied astronomy more, I might enjoy the sight more if I knew the names of everything. But just because I can’t name them, doesn't mean I can’t admire them.  

2      89 Days later

I have 15 days left to live.

I have spent the last four and a half Earth months doing nothing but gazing at the endless beauty outside my metal housing, thinking of existence and of my wife. And I don't regret a second of it. I have finally come to terms with my death. I have accepted it. It isn’t something I can control, so I choose not to sorry about it. Well I try anyway, it is harder than you think. In 15 days I will slowly loos consciousness due to a lack of oxygen, and then I will die. My body will stay inside this small, mostly titanium box for hundreds of thousands of years. Probably longer. Its not something can change, so why should it be something to obsess over.

I have realized something out here among the stars. In my hours of meditation. Love and family are the two most important things in life. I realized I should have never left mt home planet. I should be with my wife right now, planning our lives together. But instead I’m here. Nobody to blame other than me. I do in fact blame me. But I wont punish myself for it. No point. Ill be dead in two weeks.

3      14 days later

One day to go. The one thing I want more than anything right now is a hug from my wife. I just want to see her smile one last time. I have her picture pinned up near my window. My favorite one of her, she has her warming smile on.

When I drift away, I wont be looking at the beauty of the stars, I’ll be looking into the endless beauty of my wife.

[stevenjamesthoughtblog]

Adrift

It has been 46 Earth days since I was stranded. I am now drifting aimlessly through the cosmos, on a destination I will never reach.

I am a commander now. A commander of a small emergency vehicle, that was jettisoned from the mother craft after the disaster. I have resources to survive five Earth months on my own. After that I will either starve or suffocate, dealers choice. Of course I could have committed suicide the first day, after I realized there was no hope for rescue. But fuck me the view is beautiful. I want to spend every waking moment I have left observing the majesty of our universe.

Panic and terror strike me when I try to sleep, so I keep that to a minimum. I suppose I get 3 hours per a 24 hour period. Which is more than enough for myself since I hardly do anything other than gaze into the abyss.

I miss my wife greatly. She is back on Earth. I would love nothing more than to be sleeping next to her right now, feeling her warmth. But wishing can’t help me now. I know she will be well taken care of, thanks to our lovely government. Well actually its only your government now. I am free reign.

We were nearing Saturn when our space craft was struck by a rogue meteor. When I came to I saw my commander laying on the floor with her head gashed open, already dead. The lights were off, but the emergency ones were dimly lighting the halls. I could feel the ship spinning of axis, and the pressure of the air dropping drastically. I needed to find the rest of my crew. They should have been in the main wing right?

Out if nowhere it seemed, the pilot of our craft came rushing towards me. As if we were playing a game of football and not in a tin can in the middle of outer space. He was gushing blood out of his left side and looked on the verge of collapsing. Her shoved me into the emergency escape vehicle and sent me on my way. It happened so fast I had no chance to protest.

What I saw next horrified me. Everyone. My entire crew, all floating in the vacuum of space. Most with injuries, some seemed to be without a scratch. Everyone but my commander, the pilot, and myself. Dead and slowly freezing. It must have hit the main wing.

I now understood why the pilot did what he did. He knew I was the only one left and that I would not leave him behind. So he made the choice for me. He was and is a real hero.

I do have contact with ground control on Earth of course. The messages are severely delayed due to that annoying thing c. Obviously they wanted the whole story, and I gave them as much as I could. And after informing me that a rescue mission for me would be impossible, they got rather silent. I guess it was uncomfortable talking to a floating dead man.

They will probably give me and the rest of the crew the medal of honor. Actually ground control said that they will in a message (although I doubt their power for medal giving). It isn’t much, but thinking about how my crew and I will be honored is something to hold on to. Maybe that makes me sound selfish but I think those who have a death sentence are aloud to be slightly selfish. Think of it as my last meal. Although my actual last meal will probably be dehydrated potatoes. Re-hydrated with my filtered urine. Mmm tasty.

Luckily this small emergency craft has a nice sized window, perfect for star gazing. I can see the glorious planet Saturn. Its as big in my window as the moon is in yours. I am very lucky to have been forsaken next to my favorite planet. (well second favorite after Earth).  It is undoubtedly the most beautiful sight in our solar system.  The light and almost ghost like appearance of it in my window was breath taking. The whispers of orange and gray that make up the gas giant make it seem like it was alive. If you look at it long enough you would swear you could see it breathing.

When my little home – perhaps little coffin is more apt – turns around, you can see stars, loads of them. I wish I had studied astronomy more, I might enjoy the sight more if I knew the names of everything. It is beautiful none the less.

2      89 Days later

I have 15 days left to live.

I have spent the last four and a half Earth months doing nothing but gazing at the endless beauty outside my metal housing. And I don't regret a second of it. I have finally come to terms with my death. I have accepted it. As it is not something I can control. In 15 days I will slowly loss consciousness due to a lack of oxygen, and then I will die. My body will stay inside this small, mostly titanium box for hundreds of thousands of years. Probably longer. Its not something can change, so why should it be something to obsess over.

I have realized something out here among the stars. In my hours of meditation. Love and family are the two most important things in life. I realized I should have never left mt home planet. I should be with my wife right now, planning our lives together. But instead I’m here. Nobody to blame other than me. I do in fact blame me. But I wont punish myself for it. No point. Ill be dead in two weeks.

3      14 days later

One day to go. The one thing I want more than anything right now is a hug from my wife. I just want to see her smile one last time. I have her picture up on my display screen. My favorite one of her, she has her warming smile on.

Honey, when I drift away, I wont be looking at the beauty of the stars, I’ll be looking into the endless beauty of my wife. I love you.

[stevenjamesthoughtblog]

A Flower in a Vase

Covered in speckles of blood, a white rose sits alone, drinking up water in a desperate attempt to stay alive.

Although it might seem like an ordinary, normal flower, it has an extraordinary story to tell, beginning in the ground and ending in in a pale blue vase, spattered with blood.

It was every Friday that, after work, she stopped by her favorite flower spot. She would pick a new bloom to admire, this time a white rose. After carrying her new friend home she would empty the wilted contents of the vase and replaces it with her new purchase.

And so, here is the last rose she would ever buy - as it happens the last anything she would ever buy - sitting as still as a ghost, slowly rotting.

On the last day of her life, before depositing her last flower, she received a disheartening letter.

The letter sat there, with the rest of the junk, leaning against the vase. Why would she make contact now? Had something horrible happened? Had something great happened?

The letter was from her daughter, the one and only thing that she truly loves. Her attempt at correspondence in over a decade had her heart racing, and her head spinning.

She should read it now, but it will still be there after tea and a nice bath right? She needed time.

She stood up and leaned over to smell the beautiful work of nature now placed as a centerpiece on her dining table. Her thoughts were racing, mostly thoughts of her daughter. Her blood was pumping so hard she could feel it pulsing against her skin, begging to be freed.

How horrid the smell. It was more like burnt toast than a rose. She jolted back, as if the rose was the head of a venomous snake. Terror surged through her. She was far away from the nasty flower, so why could she still smell the burning?

She jolted around, so fast you could hear some bones crack, sure that she would find her kitchen ablaze. What other explanation could there be? To her horror, she found the kitchen as clean and fire-free as she left it. Her last thoughts on earth were for her daughter.

Just then as she looked to her kitchen, and thought of her daughter, the aneurysm in her brain snapped open. Rushing her head with blood, killing her instantly.

The rose watched as the lady fell, as if in slow motion. The rose seemed to know once the lady hit the floor, it would truly be alone.

The lady collapsed ungracefully. It was as if she were a computer whose power was cut off in the middle of an important program.

The silence in the room was broken by the sound of a head (now completely vacant of the lady fond of flowers) smacking into the side of the table, covering the letter and the rose in bright red blood.