storiesandsongs

[storiesandsongs]

My Juanita,

I'm sorry I didn't text, call, talk to you for weeks, you have every right to be mad at me. But please, let me explain.

I'm still in this place, Beach City. It's a pretty town with sunsets that remind me of your smile, blue horizon that remind me of your eyes. It's also a town with a little city of Gem people. You remember when I told you that a Gem saved my life when I was a baby ? I discovered that the accident that nearly killed me happened here, in Beach City.

So. Yeah.

This is the place where my parents died.

Apparently.

But the truth is way more complex, way more unbelievable than that.

It took me days to understand, weeks to accept. That was why I didn't want to tell you everything. Because I had no idea how to tell you this.

My name isn't Noah. Or wasn't.

I already had a life before the one I'm living right now. I lived for sixteen-seventeen years and then something wrong happened and I turned back into a baby, abandoning my old life and my old memories, to create new ones.

At least, that's what I learned during my investigation. I see faces that I never saw but that I still recognize, I feel affection for a man I barely talk to, an affection as strong as the one I have for my dad. Some people freeze when they see me, like I'm some kind of ghost and it's painful to see me, to see that I don't know them. Only this green Gem doesn't care, but as far as I know, she probably lose her memories too.

This is confusing. This is sad. This is madness.

Every step I make in this place is full of guilt. If it's true, I left them.

Every breath I take in this place is full of lies. If it's true, I'm not real.

I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know if Noah ever existed, and in the same time I don't know... I don't know who Steven Universe is.

I don't know who I'm supposed to be.

The only thing that is real for me is us.

Is you.

I want to see you, badly. I want you to call me by my name, or any name. I'll take it.

I miss you, I miss your face, I miss your voice.

I want you to tell me what to do. And I will exist through you. Through our unbreakable love.

I miss you.

I love you.

I need you.

Yours, forever.

Noah.

[storiesandsongs]

Steven Universe’s songs I can’t listen. Like. I really can’t.

Somehow I’m still grieving Steven Universe.

Which is strange because I get over Gravity Falls which is my favorite animated show and… well… I knew Gravity Falls was a « summer » of strange stories about a family I absolutely love. I enjoyed spending times with those characters and sharing theories and mysteries with the fans. It was an adventure into the unknown that will be forever in my heart. But Steven Universe… Steven Universe isn’t an adventure, it’s a life. It’s characters you feel deeply connected to. 

For example, Spinel. Spinel is very special for me and it’s the main reason I felt betrayed because I didn’t like how she ended with the Diamonds. 

I hate the Diamonds. I feel like their redemption arc was rushed, like they didn’t really realized how much they hurt people, and began to be nice just to please Steven so he could replace Rose. And then they took Spinel so she could replace Steven. They didn’t take her because they liked her, they liked the idea of her. And I hate it. I know Spinel shouldn’t stay on Earth, she was toxic on her own way, but… ugh. I don’t know. 

I hoped better for her. Because I’m scared I will end up like her.

And I’m scared I will end up like Steven.

I’m dealing with anxiety for a few years now. Being overflowed by thoughts that terrify me to the point to doing anything is something familiar to me. The show helped me in so many ways to love my life anyway, to love where I live, to love where I go, to love myself. I didn’t help the thoughts to disappear, though. Especially when the show explains that you need someone to help you. Especially when the show is like “it’s ok, i’m here”, when no one is around for me.

The worst, of course, was when Steven felt that he was so not enough that he thought his relationship with Connie (that I adore) is the only important thing.

That he is nothing without her. That he rather disappear into Stevonnie that having his own life. That how so little he thinks of himself.

It’s infuriating.

It makes me so angry that someone who means so much to me is going through this and it hurts and I know it’s dumb. It’s like when I said that the first show finale was rushed, like I can’t admit the possibility that this show can make mistakes, exactly like the characters.

It’s that bittersweet symphony, when you see someone so happy, only knowing they will be sad after. And the question is : were they really happy before ? Or did they just pretend ? Did they just hide their feelings until they cracked ? Like a fraud ?

It’s dumb.

I just thought that if Steven can be saved, I can be saved too.

But it takes time. It takes patience. It takes strength. I just wished Steven and I could go on that journey together. I just wished that the happy, funny, adorable Steven Universe who made me smile, who changed bad gems into good ones, who made important and healthy relationships, who sang “I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me”, that little guy was Steven’s future, not Steven’s past. Like a redemption arc, but backward. 

So yeah, there are some songs from Steven Universe that I can’t listen.

Which is stupid because I love him. So much.

[storiesandsongs]

So... WHERE IS CONNIE ??

Not in Beach City. Not with her parents either.

But with someone else...

[storiesandsongs]

Lapis Lazuli : PERIDOT, NO !

Peridot : I'm sorry Lapis but... where am I going to find another Steven as good as him ?

- Before Peridot did THAT.

[storiesandsongs]

“An old pain aches in his chest, and Noah wants to scream. There is nothing but buildings here and he is going to spend some times here with nothing but the buildings and the ocean. Nothing to do. Nothing to fix. And no one to help. He hates it. He hates being on vacation. He hates doing nothing. He hates being alone with himself. He hates being alone. He hates that feeling to have no purpose. No purpose. No. That's not right. Nobody is born with a purpose, Noah knows that. Of course he knows that. That's logical but... but right now he isn't logic, deep down inside him there is that call to help.”

Drawing by @princessesaphi

[storiesandsongs]

Greg : I wasn't good enough for him, was I ?

Amethyst : I wasn't either.

Garnet : We have to let him go, Greg. He will have a new life, a better life, without us.

Pearl : No, we can't. WE CAN'T !

- Greg Universe and the Gems, THAT day.

[storiesandsongs]

Steven Universe : Who are you ?

Noah Zliccals : I'm you but DEAD.

[storiesandsongs]

Name : Nicola Zliccals

Nicknames : amor (wife), dad/daddy/pap (Noah), Nick (friends)

Species : Human

Sex : Male

Gender/pronoun : He/His

Age : 38

Birthday : April, 9th

Hair : Brown

Eyes : Grey

Occupations : Clothing trader

Relatives : Mrs. Zliccals (wife), Noah Zliccals (son)

Picture made here : https://picrew.me/image_maker/94097/

Site by : @sangled

[storiesandsongs]

Name : Gwen Zliccals

Nicknames : my love (husband), mom/mommy/mama (Noah), Gigi (friends)

Species : Human

Sex : Female

Gender/Pronoun : She/Her

Age : 37

Birthday : October, 17th

Hair : Ginger

Eyes : Green

Occupations : Hairdresser

Relatives : M. Zliccals (husband), Noah Zliccals (son)

Picture made here : https://picrew.me/image_maker/114808

Site by : @ummmmandy

[storiesandsongs]

Name : Juanita Rosacio

Nicknames : Nita, Beauty

Species : Human

Sex : Female

Gender/Pronoun : She/Her

Age : 15

Birthday : August, 3rd

Hair : Dark, even black, a bit curly

Eyes : Blue

Occupations : Student

Friends : Noah (boyfriend)

[storiesandsongs]

Writing “Stories and Songs”

[storiesandsongs]

His mom is still here, a parasol next to her to protect her fragile skin. She seems to be in her element, here, on the beach, on this town, on this country... on this planet Earth. Like a normal person. She seems to belong. To be there, not caring about what other people think, not caring if she is making a mistake or not, not feeling like the universe is on her shoulders, like she has to think about everything, like everything she does have a repercussion, like she is living in the future and not in the present and that nobody understand her and why does she feel like that nothing happened to her why would she ever want that something happens to her she had such a great childhood but she feels like she could be so much more and she is scared she could be bad she could be a bad person why doesn't she feel satisfied just one day one night one place and... The taste of the donut keeps Noah away from his thoughts.

Stories and Songs

[storiesandsongs]

Name : Peri

Nicknames : P-clod (Amethyst)

Species : Gem

Weapon : Metallokineses

Sex : Sexless

Gender/Pronoun : She/Her

Burst : 15 years ago

Hair : Pale chartreuse yellow

Eyes : Dark green

Gemstone : Peridot

Occupations : Student in Little Homeschool

Friends : Amethyst (roommate), Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth

[storiesandsongs]

Noah : I wanted to know if there was an accident, involving a human baby.

Peri : When ?

Noah : 15 years ago.

Peri : Oh, it was before I started to exist. Sounds logic. I haven't seen an accident here since... Well actually I've never seen an accident here.

[storiesandsongs]

“He can see the strange mill, west of the city.”

[storiesandsongs]

“Everyone remembers the kid who is no more, while looking at the kid who doesn't know who he is.”

[storiesandsongs]