strawberriesoup - Tumblr blog

strawberriesoup · 1 month ago

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SHES DONE IT AGAIN. MINDY. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP GIVING US HEART PALPITATIONS HUH. THIS IS INSANITY.

i have so much to say about this but no time right now, i thoroughly enjoyed every second of this and will be reblogging again soon.

omfg i missed your writing mindy 😭😭😭

Stood Up

-> ...in the next moment this (handsome) stranger is leaning in closer and whispering behind his hand, "Just play along. My name’s Seungmin, and whoever stood you up is a douche."

CEO!seungmin x fem!reader

angst, suggestive, slow burn, hurt / comfort, slight fluff, strangers to lovers

24K

warnings: cursing, mentions of previous toxic relationship (physical, verbal, emotional abuse), cheating / infidelity, nudity, sexual themes, reader has panic attacks and low self-esteem, negative self talk, themes of anxiety and depression, comfort for mental health due to relationship trauma

this one is for @hityoulikebahng and bc I'm so hopelessly wrecked by this man. I hope you like it, darling 😘

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You haven’t taken your eyes off the frosted window since the last time the waiter approached your table for two. The empty seat across from you only creates an unbearably awkward tension every time he visits to refill your free glass of water.

Anyone can recognize a stand-up when they see one.

God, this is embarrassing. Your first blind date in three years, and he doesn’t even show. Or worse…he saw you in the window and decided to not come in.

“Ten more minutes?” you ask hopefully when the waiter looks at your unopened menu next to your empty basket of free bread.

It’s been an hour. Your blind date is not coming. So, why are you still sitting here with tears ready to spill? If you're lucky, the tears will fill your water glass so your impatient waiter doesn’t have to bring over that stupid pitcher again.

Three years ago, after your last relationship ended, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the apartment. Well, technically, it was your friend’s apartment. You’d moved in after the breakup; there was no way you could stay in your ex-boyfriend’s studio after dumping him. You’re not that heartless.

Your friend had been pushing for the breakup long before it happened. She'd been worried ever since she noticed bruises on your thighs during an impromptu sleepover. You brushed her off, insisting it was nothing, but no matter how thick your leggings or how loud your protests, the truth bled through. The relationship was toxic. It was only a matter of time before it began to show.

Convincing you to go on a blind date was an uphill battle. Your friend had to practically corner you to get you to even consider it. What finally tipped the scale wasn’t her persistence – it was your therapist’s suggestion. A harmless dinner at a nice restaurant, just to practice being in the presence of a man again, wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. You weren’t expecting anything to come of it. If it got uncomfortable, you could leave at any time.

Being stood up hadn’t even crossed your mind. You were too focused on what you’d say, how you’d act. Your most recent search history still haunts you: “how to hold a decent conversation on a blind date without having a mental breakdown and scaring them away within the first 3 minutes.”

It was a valid search.

Unfortunate results, though.

In the frosty reflection of the window, you can see your waiter quietly discussing with his managers, frequent glances shot in your direction. He breaks away from their huddle and makes his way toward your table.

You know what he'll say: “I'm sorry, but we're going to have to ask you to either order or give up your table for the next reservation."

It’s too late to snatch your purse and leave, but you swear, if that waiter so much as opens his mouth, you’ll cry, and you won’t stop.

He’s almost to your table when something completely unexpected happens.

“So sorry I’m late. Traffic was crazy! You would not believe the slowpoke I got stuck behind.”

All you can do is stare, wide-eyed, as a complete stranger slides into the seat across from you with an easy smile.

The waiter, just a few steps away now, comes to a stunned halt, completely slack-jawed.

Your expression obviously reflects the panic that’s developing inside your chest, because in the next moment this (handsome) stranger is leaning in closer and whispering behind his hand, "Just play along. My name’s Seungmin and whoever stood you up is a douche."

One thing is clear. This is not the blind date you were supposed to meet tonight.

This guy is a total stranger.

You’re not entirely sure what to say. It’s jarring to see someone sitting in the chair you’ve been staring at for the past hour. He doesn’t carry himself like someone who’s thought this through, which means he must be the type to act on impulse if he’s crashing blind dates without so much as a second thought.

Then again, if you really think about it, he’s not interrupting anything really.

"Did you order our regular?" he asks casually.

You shift in your seat when he manspreads under the table, his thighs unmistakably defined beneath sleek black slacks and a crisp, tucked-in button-up.

"Umm—"

Giggles like popping bubbles fill the awkward silence before he waves a careless hand in the air. "That's okay! I'll order and tell them to work double time for an extra tip. I really am sorry for making you wait on me like that. How about I buy us your favorite dessert to share? Will you forgive me then?"

Before you can respond, Seungmin snaps his fingers, and the waiter rushes to the table. The boy doesn't seem all that younger than Seungmin or yourself. Actually, he looks like he could be about your age. You wonder why he's running around like a dog when his obvious good looks could do most certainly something for him.

He straightens his apron and drops into a ninety degree bow. "Mr. Kim, I had no idea you were going to be joining us tonight.”

Seungmin reclines in his chair with crossed arms and a raised brow. "Even so, you should be sensitive to every guest. You weren't about to ask this young lady to leave, now were you?"

The waiter answers with a swift, “No, Sir! I was just going to offer her tonight's special…"

Seungmin doesn't blink.

“…on the house?” the waiter adds hopefully.

With a smirk and a wave of his hand, Seungmin finally allows the boy to relax. "Ah, I see. Well, just bring us two of the usuals and some red wine – wait!" Seungmin looks at you. "Would you like white instead?"

Your answer is a lowered head and hidden eyes.

Seungmin studies your timid posture for a moment and then gives a knowing smile. "Champaign then," he tells the waiter. "That should be a good place to start."

The waiter bows and quickly leaves to tell the kitchen.

"Hey,” Seungmin calls to the boy, who whips around in attention, "you're doing well, Jeongin. Don't listen to everything those older guys tell you. You've got yourself an extra tip tonight." He winks.

The boy called Jeongin smiles and says a quick "thank you" before escaping through the kitchen door, a wide grin on his face showing off his pretty front teeth.

“Sorry about that. I hope you like parmesan chicken. I know it's not fancy, but it's honestly one of the best dishes here. Oh wait, do you have any allergies? I can tell them to make something else."

“It’s fine,” you have to answer him quickly because he's already lifting his hand to call some other waitress over, “but...do you own this restaurant or something?"

"Well, sorta. My best friend Felix and I co-own it, but this is really his dream. To own his own restaurant, I mean. It was going to be too expensive without a partner to help him get started, and he's got a real talent in the kitchen, so you know, it's not fair if – I'm sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Actually, you find his talkative personality endearing, especially when his eyes start unconsciously bouncing around the room, like he's reading the walls and, every so often, your eyes. It's definitely a different feeling than the one you're used to. People shine when they talk about things important to them, but you haven't seen that shine in so long. Seungmin is...pretty.

"I don't mind."

Seungmin runs a hand through his hair and sits back again, his shoulders sinking as he relaxes. Once Jeongin brings the bottle of champagne and pours you each a glass, Seungmin allows the stem of the glass to pass between his fingers, lifting the rim to his lips and taking a sip.

"So," he swallows, "sorry about the whole random stranger stealing the spotlight thing. I saw you sitting alone and figured you were waiting for someone. But when no one showed up, I figured either you enjoy sitting alone in restaurants staring out frosty windows - which I don't condemn at all by the way-" he stops and winks again which makes you crack a bashful and nervous smile, "-or there's a really stupid someone out there who gave up their chance to have dinner with a beautiful girl."

You shrug, nodding after a moment of processing all of Seungmin's charms. "The second one."

He shakes his head and frowns. "Whoever stood you up is the dumbest person alive."

You find some kind of comfort in his words, even if you don't completely believe them.

"Well...thank you."

You haven't ruled out the possibility that this Seungmin guy is one of those predators who prey on vulnerable girls who have been stood up on dates, just waiting to swoop in and take the prize. The thought gives you pause. Are there signs to look for? You start to remember the time your friend came back from the club, rambling about creepy guys who hit on her. Hearing about it and actually being in the moment are two different things.

You're in the middle of deciding whether or not you'll stay to eat when--

"I just realized something!" Seungmin suddenly remarks as if he left cookies in the oven. "I don't know your name!"

"Oh..." you sigh, more relieved than you'd ever admit. "It’s ___."

“___?” Seungmin repeats sourly. "What kind of a name is that?”

You blink, unsure of how to answer. "The name my parents gave me."

"We're gonna have to think of a better name for you. A cuter name. You're too cute for a name like ___.”

You mean to say something, honest you do, but nothing comes out but a stutter and some random mumbled syllables. Should you be flattered or offended?

Seungmin obviously notices, because he smirks at your bouncing gaze. "Just give me a few minutes, I'll think of something perfect."

Three waiters come out carrying silver trays with large dome lids and a roll out table with various choices of soup, bread, salad, kimchi, fruit, just about anything you could wish for. Two plates of parmesan chicken are placed on the table in front of you, the covers on each dish lifted in such a manner you would think the waiters were presenting gold.

"Wow..." you breathe in total extravagance.

This meal is like one meant for a king or a CEO. The waiters leave the rolling table behind while the two of you eat, so you can have your pick of side dishes and whatnot.

You're hesitant to eat, but when Seungmin lifts his head from taking his first bite and asks "what's wrong", you instantly begin stuffing parmesan chicken past your lips with a small hum of deliciousness.

"So tell me, if I can ask..." he says after a moment of enjoying the meal, "who stood you up?"

You almost choke but manage to hold yourself together. "A blind date. Nothing important."

"Really? Oh."

"Oh?"

Seungmin plays with his food, not something you were expecting. The action makes him seem childish. "Just not what I was expecting."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugs and takes a large bite of food. When he gets done chewing, he sees you're still waiting anxiously for an answer.

"Just...you looked properly upset, so I figured it was someone who means a lot to you, like a boyfriend or girlfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend."

The man across from you nods and goes back to take another monster-truck-size bite of food. Odd, you were expecting a larger reaction, but okay.

This time you decide to ask a question, "Were you also waiting for someone or...?" because the last thing you want to do is steal someone as nice as Seungmin away from their predetermined plans just because you got stood up by (as Seungmin so graciously dubbed them) a douche.

He perks up. "My girlfriend called me right before I saw you and told me she's working late tonight. I already got all dressed up, and I didn't want it to be for nothing. And then I saw you sitting all alone with what looked like tears in your eyes, and I just...felt like you needed someone to talk to."

The word 'girlfriend' hits you like a truck and makes you want to cry unbeknownst the reason, but you still feel the necessity to be polite. The last half of his story was obviously meant to flatter you, even if the first half makes you ungodly uncomfortable, knowing this man is in a relationship with another woman.

"You do look very nice."

Seungmin meets your eyes. "So do you.”

The two of you share a smile. Not the first. Not the last hopefully.

The stars in his eyes and his words provide you with hope that you won't be parting ways for forever after this dinner. For some reason, you're finding it easier to be in this man's presence the more he speaks, which is not normally the case with strangers.

"I know I didn't officially ask you, but would you like to have dinner with me, ___?"

Shyly, you lift your champagne glass to meet his. "I thought you didn't like my name."

"I never said I didn't like it. I said it wasn't cute enough for you," Seungmin corrects, clinking your glasses. "But the more I say it, the cuter it gets."

About thirty minutes after dinner, you were halfway through devouring a truly sinful dessert called Triple Chocolate Killer Cake. And wow, was it sinful. You loved every bite.

Across the table, Seungmin watched you with a soft smile, his cheek resting against his palm as you enjoyed his favorite dessert from his best friend's restaurant.

"Happy?"

Placing your fork delicately on your plate, careful not to make a sound, you swallow politely and nod. "Thank you."

"You got some. Right there." Seungmin gestures to the right corner of his mouth.

It’s always tricky in moments like this. Are they talking about their right or your right? In the movies, the girl always wipes the wrong corner, and then the guy has no choice but to reach over and swipe her lip with his thumb, creating that perfectly awkward tension. You know the trope well. Courtesy of an adolescence spent cultivating wildly unrealistic expectations of boyfriends. So, to play it safe, you just wipe your entire mouth, corner to corner, just in case.

Seungmin smirks as if he can sense the inner workings of your reason. "You got it, good job."

Placing the napkin back on your lap, you muster up the courage to initiate conversation further, "So if the restaurant isn't your dream, what is?"

"I'm the CEO of Seung Models."

"Is that your dream?"

Seungmin blinks at you, a tilted head and frowning lips. "You know, everytime I tell someone I own a modeling agency, they just assume that it's my dream. I mean, who wouldn't want to work with models all day, right?"

"I would imagine lots of people," you say plainly.

"Yeah, I guess so," Seungmin gazes at you, the corners of his smile slowly turning up again. You tell yourself it's not because of you, but the way he's watching you right now makes your lungs clench inside your chest. "Well, we're always looking for new talent, so if you know anyone who'd be interested let me know."

"I'll keep a lookout."

"Or, you know, if you were interested in--" He jumps when his phone vibrates in his pocket. "Good grief, who is it now?" Pulling out his phone, you notice his annoyed expression shift when he sees the caller ID.

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?"

The other voice is muffled but you can clearly make out one thing. It's definitely female.

"No, I just...I went to the...yes, I'm being careful...well, I just ate without you because you said work...ah, okay...I'll be back soon then...yeah...love you too. Bye.”

The call ends.

You could ask who it was, but that doesn't seem necessary as it's kind of obvious. Anyway, you'd rather not remind Seungmin he's having dinner with an awkward stranger instead of his lovely girlfriend like he originally planned.

The man, who doesn't seem so much like a stranger anymore, sighs and leans back in his chair before snapping his fingers.

Jeongin comes quickly. "May I help you, Sir?"

"Put the bill on my tab and let this young lady order whatever else she wishes. It's on me. I'm headed home for the night." Then he looks back at you with a charming smile. "I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly like this. But you know, when the girlfriend calls..." he shrugs to finish the statement.

You shake your head. "Please don't apologize! You've done so much for me already. I should be thanking you."

"Such manners." He smiles gently. "I wish we had met sooner. I like talking with you."

Then Seungmin winks and pulls out a small white, business card from his suit pocket. "Here's my number. Call me if you get stood up again, okay?"

You’re fully aware he has a girlfriend, and no, you shouldn’t be feeling anything for him. That would be wrong on every possible level. But still, every time he smiles or laughs or sends a casual wink your way, something inside you tightens. Not in fear, but in a way that’s warm and unfamiliar. Your cheeks flush, your chest grows tight. He’s kind. Gentle. So full of light it almost hurts to look at him. Maybe it’s all just an act, a well-rehearsed charm, but a small, foolish part of you wishes it’s not.

"Thank you." You take his card, immediately standing and bowing in respect.

Seungmin chuckles at your actions and grips your shoulders to pick you back up. "Please, that's not nec--"

Your entire body instinctively flinches, unnecessary panic flooding your eyes and a loud heartbeat indicating your steadily rising pulse. Before you can register what’s happened, you jump back from him, putting sudden space between you. Your arms fly around your waist, encircling you in a defensive, barricaded position.

Seungmin just stares at you, with his hands hovering where you were once standing.

"___? Are you okay?"

You try to laugh it off, but your voice comes out shaky and scared, "Sorry, I'm fine. Thank you for dinner. I should be leaving too."

"___?" he tries to ask again, but you're already walking out with a lowered chin, trembling fingers clutching your purse and Seungmin's business card.

You don't look back even though you want to. Because you know what you'll see – a very confused and very handsome stranger waiting for the universe to explain who you are and why you did what you just did.

Seungmin tiptoes into the house and carefully places his keys and jacket by the door. Treading quietly through the living room, past the stairs, and into the back bedroom, not daring to make a sound lest he wake the possible sleeping beauty in his sheets.

She said it's been a rough week. She's been saying that a lot lately.

Sure enough. When he turns the brass knob and peaks inside, there she is. Fast asleep in his bed, one of her legs exposed above the sheets while the rest of her stays snuggled out of sight. She's funny like that, insisting the room be cool so she can suffocate herself inside the comforter. Seungmin isn't a big fan of the AC blowing on him in the middle of the night, but it's a small preference to ignore for the sake of her comfort.

Seungmin fondly smiles and unbuttons his shirt, throwing it to the side along with his shoes and slacks. He climbs into the bed and scoots closer to her, his smile fading when he realizes she's wearing practically nothing. He can't tell if her newly developed habit of sleeping naked is intentional or oblivious. Either way, it's driving him insane.

"Hey, baby," he whispers with a kiss to her temple.

Her eyes slowly open, barely turning to the sound of his voice. "You're back early," she hums.

"So are you. Welcome home."

"I don't live here," she mutters sleepily, eyes already closing again. "You make it sound like I moved in or something.”

"Then why don't you already?" Seungmin whines, lightly running his palm over the bare curve of her hip.

She doesn't answer right away. “Because I have my own place and my own bed."

“Then why don't you ever sleep in it?” Seungmin asks with a seductive nibble on her neck. Not that he minds his girlfriend's odd attachment to his bedroom, but he low-key meant that to be a serious inquiry.

"Maybe I’m frustrated."

"Really?" Seungmin excitedly presses his warm hand against the small of her back to pull her hips closer to him, voice low and yearning, "I am too."

"No," she scoffs, pushing him away. "Not that kind of frustrated. I mean tired frustrated."

Seungmin frowns against her skin and nuzzles a few more kisses against the crook of her neck, dying to entice any kind of need within her. "Baby, please? Come on, I want you."

"Not tonight," she whines and innocently curls into his chest, immediately building that all too familiar wall between them.

Seungmin can feel the pressure building in his gut. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time he's gotten excited and then shamelessly shut down. It's a common occurrence that's been repeating for a while now.

At first, he tried to be patient. Told himself it was just stress, long hours, hormones. But the weeks went on, their workloads fluctuated, yet the excuses stayed the same. And Seungmin was left with pent-up tension and a girlfriend who feels more like a roommate.

"How was work?" she asks tiredly.

"Hard. We're running out of time to find the last model for the New Year line. It's not like we haven't gotten plenty of options but," he sighs, rolling to his back to watch the ceiling, bringing her with him. "None of those girls have the right vibe, and I just can't bring myself to settle. I mean, this could be a huge opportunity for the company. If this season takes off, we could be on the same level as the top of the top in the industry and it's all riding on me to…babe?"

The girl looks up at Seungmin with one half-opened eye, a disinterested hum on her lips.

"Hmm…”

"Are you listening?"

"Yeah," she says through a yawn. "Work is hard, I get it. Just relax and pick someone."

"You know what might make me feel more relaxed?"

"What?"

"An orgasm.”

"I told you, I'm tired--"

"You don't have to do anything," Seungmin insists, voice low and pleading. “I'll do all the work, baby, please?”

"How many times do I have to say no?"

Of course, she has every right to say no. She's not obligated to do anything just because Seungmin asked, and he would never want to take that choice away from her.

But...he can't lie and pretend it doesn't hurt. It’s not just about sex. It's the way she used to reach for him in the middle of the night, the way her body told him he was wanted, needed. Now it feels like she's left that part of them behind, and he's the only one still trying to carry it. The closeness, the intimacy, the feeling of being completely connected. And he's trying so hard to be patient, but he wonders when 'no' stopped meaning 'not tonight' and started meaning 'not ever.’

He has to say something about this. He should say something, right? This is about the health and intimacy of their relationship after all.

"Actually...I've been wanting to talk to you about something."

"What now?" she groans.

"Our sex life. Or rather the lack of it."

The girl just sighs and goes back to cuddling. "You know I've been overworking myself lately. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?"

"But, you said that last time, and now it's been close to four weeks since we last talked." Seungmin pulls away and props himself up on his arm, forcing his girlfriend to roll away. "I'd like to talk about it now."

She throws an arm over her eyes. "Fine. Talk. I'm listening."

"It's just that, it's been over a month since we've been intimate, and I don't want to pressure you or anything, but it's starting to mess with me. I'm imagining things, flirting with random inanimate objects, and all I want to do at the end of the day is make you feel good and to release some of my own tension, but it just keeps building and building, and that's why I'm like, frustrated because--"

"Seungmin," she interrupts him with a hand on his thigh, "you know you don't need me to feel good. You can do that by yourself."

"I know I can because I have been. Almost every day!" Seungmin admits, shifting in his spot to lean further towards his girlfriend's unconcerned position. "But I feel kind of wrong, because I'm not satisfying you like I should be doing as your boyfriend. I don't want just the thought of you, I want you. I want what we had before we stopped having sex."

The girl sighs and wraps her arms around Seungmin's strong frame, slowly rubbing the bare skin of his side with soft fingertips. "I know you're worried about our lack of intimacy, but really I'm okay with it. You don't need to worry about satisfying me. I like things the way they are." She scoots closer. "But, since you've made it very clear that you're frustrated, I'll make the extra effort for you. Just not tonight, okay. I'm tired."

Seungmin dramatically sighs before pecking her lips, making note that he didn't feel her return the kiss. The sting hits him deep in his stomach.

"Okay, but please don't act like having sex with me is something you have to put 'extra effort' into. I know you like it." Suddenly, a tinge of fear creeps into Seungmin's chest and makes itself a little home between his ribs, "...don't you?"

His girlfriend holds her breath before exhaling with a casual shake of her head. "Does everyone have to like sex as much as you do? So what if I don't want to be intimate every day."

"I don't mean to say we have to be intimate every day," Seungmin explains, god forbid they end this conversation with another misunderstanding, "but a little more physical affection would be nice sometimes. You sleep in my bed more than anywhere else, but I still miss you."

"Seungmin, I'm right here. You don't need to miss me."

The irritated tone she uses is like an aching fire on Seungmin's skin. He grabs her hip, rolling her onto her back and hovering over her with shallow desperate breaths.

"That's the thing, I still do. Sometimes, I feel like we're not even in a relationship anymore. In the morning, you leave before me and come back before me, falling asleep again before I even get to kiss you hello." Seungmin leans down and attaches his lips to the curve of her ear, the simple action of his hips pressing down on hers sending tremors through his entire body. "Baby, I swear I don't mean to push you, but I just want to feel like my girlfriend is still mine."

Her breath comes out in a tired, irritable huff. He hears it, swallows hard, and slowly pulls back, the faint ghost of his affection retreating with him.

Without a word, he rolls away to his side, the silence between them heavier than before.

A few seconds later, her fingers graze his back, absent and noncommittal. "We’re fine," she mutters softly. "Let’s just sleep, okay?"

Seungmin closes his eyes, trying to will himself not to speak after being utterly embarrassed like he just was. But his will breaks, and his lips form the words.

"Goodnight....love you."

He waits for a moment but his only response is the faint sound of his girlfriend's breathing.

You turn the clean, white card over and over in your hands.

Of course, he owns a modeling agency. Why wouldn't he own a modeling agency?

Seungmin definitely has the physique to be a model. Like, damn. That address is actually pretty close to the smoothie shop you work for, and with this card, you could easily find him (not that you're going to).

Quickly, you save Seungmin's number and address in your phone contacts. Then you rip up the business card and toss it in the trash bin.

Immediately, those insecurities you thought you had started to overcome begin rushing back. But just like your therapist taught you, each time you start to have a negative thought, you tell it to shut up.

He doesn't want you to call him anyway. He has a girlfriend, but even if he didn't, he'd never want to be with someone like you. Shut up.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Work is slow today. Probably because of the rain. People never want to get out when it's so gloomy and gross. The downtime would be nice on any other day, but today, the lack of busy tasks has left your mind with the opportunity to wander in every direction.

Unfortunately, the only direction it wants to go is to the phone in your back pocket, with Seungmin's number in it.

He keeps popping up, and you don't know why. Not that you hate thinking about him. But the worst part is that every time Seungmin pops into your head, so does his girlfriend.

It suddenly hits you while cleaning the blender – his girlfriend is probably a model. A beautiful one. Someone who doesn't have scars, or bruises, or metaphorical cuts and marks. Someone who doesn't have problems opening up their heart or trusting to the point of self-depreciation. Someone who is willing to wear a bikini during the Summer or who can sleep in the same bed with another body beside them without waking up to a panic attack.

Seungmin doesn't deserve someone like you. Or rather, you don't deserve someone like Seungmin. A beat-up piece of trash who questions why she woke up that morning. A girl who hasn't been able to say "I love you" for over three years. A girl who hides herself like a child every chance she gets.

And yet, you can't stop thinking about him. It's gotten to the point that you've dangerously started creating your own personal assumptions about his life and personality.

You know, like psychopaths do.

You like to imagine he owns a dog or two. Huskies. Maybe German Shepherds. He buys them that fancy dog food that has to be refrigerated and toys, lots of toys. His girlfriend is allergic to dogs, so she's never around, and he likes to send you random pictures of them digging up his girlfriend's garden in the backyard because he thinks it's funny.

You like to imagine there are times when he's not so confident. Especially when it comes to romantic stuff. Like a first kiss. He probably blushes and stutters and asks before he does anything, because he's a gentleman.

It isn't long until the Seungmin you met over an impromptu blind date is morphed into your ideal, flawless partner, into someone he's probably not, but you like the character you created out of him too much to stop daydreaming.

Seungmin pops into your head so much today that you even imagine him walking through the front doors of your humble, corner smoothie shop. You imagine he's wearing a blue suit and brown shoes and his hair is dripping wet from the rain outside, combed out of his face to expose his forehead. He looks so handsome. You imagine he shakes his jacket out and hangs it on the coat rack to dry before scanning for a place to sit, another hand running through his hair for the third time since he entered, but you're not mad one bit.

"Hey," he greets you, the image of him walking toward the front counter with a friendly smile has you outwardly sighing, "I didn't know you worked here?"

"Huh?" The miniscule sound escapes you when he continues to stare with expecting eyes.

He laughs out loud, "I just came in to escape the rain, but didn't expect to find you handling a blender."

In that exact moment, said blender slips from your hands, and you fumble with it across the counter like an idiot, fighting to regain composure.

"O-Oh well, yeah I mean, I just," you ramble until you're finally able to drop the blender back into its rightful place against the wall, "it's just a part time job. What are you doing here, Seungmin?"

He points outside with flat lips. "Rain."

"Right." Mental facepalm number one.

He smiles at you genuinely. "You remember my name. I'm flattered."

A nervous chuckle is not the smoothest response you could have used, but it's all you manage. "Of course. How could I forget?"

"I guess it's safe to assume you made it home okay then," Seungmin comments, fixing the slightly ajar collar of his soaked, navy button up. "You never called me."

He's upset at you. Shut up.

It takes you a few moments to understand what he means, but then you remember his business card and a flush returns to your cheeks, one he's probably way too familiar with at this point. "Oh, yes. I'm sorry for running away like I did. I don't really have an excuse..."

Seungmin just shakes his head, excusing your previous behavior with a friendly, "No, it's okay! Some people don't like to be touched, and I get that. I should have asked before I just randomly grabbed you. I apologize."

"It wasn't your fault, but thank you. I hope we can just put that behind us."

"I'd like that," he smirks dangerously.

Not that he was being suggestive in the slightest! Seungmin is a perfect gentleman in the way he keeps polite eye contact and smiles with every word you speak. But his smirk is dangerous because you find yourself magnetically pulled into the slight curve of his lips to the point where you're physically leaning against the side of the counter.

His smile is so contagious. The way his eyes basically disappear, and the corners of his lips are kissed with the smallest dimples. No doubt you're falling for his smile more and more every time you see it. Naturally, you subconsciously attempt to suppress those nasty feelings as much as you can. But for some reason, for the first time in three years, you're having a really difficult time.

"So!" Seungmin says with a tap on the counter, "You do work here or you just think the green apron has potential to be the next fashion icon?"

You straighten your apron, running your hands over the monogram label. "What? You don't like the uniform?"

He shrugs. "You look better in black."

You cross your arms, trying to portray an air of confidence and playfulness. "I can pull off several colors. Green being one of them."

Seungmin harshly hisses as if he doesn't want to offend you, but his next comment comes anyway. "I think, and I'm just a lowly model producer, but you would look much better in, I'm gonna suggest blue."

After a long, careful examination of your apron, you shrug. "Okay, I'll give blue a chance. But if someone else walks in and tells me to wear purple, you're out of luck."

Seungmin tries to keep a serious face, but ends up breaking down in giggles. "Deal. Thanks for at least acknowledging me."

"My pleasure."

Seungmin licks his lips, watching you for a second or two, eyes softly blinking as if he's considering something intensely. You're about to comment because you're beginning to feel rather small under his gaze, but he speaks up first, finally.

"Would you like to have a smoothie with me? I'm going to be here until the rain dies down a little, and if I remember correctly, I really enjoy your company."

"Well," you consider, looking over your shoulder to where your only co-worker is sitting in the corner on their phone, zero concern for the world around them. "I would, but I'm on the clock and already had my break."

He waves your excuse aside. "Eh, your boss won't mind. Come on, just one small smoothie with me. I'll take responsibility for any troubles. Promise."

Glancing at the clock, your heart sinks because you do wanna sit with him, but if you ditch your shift, even just an hour early, you'll feel like crap and won't be able to enjoy Seungmin's company. The curse of obligation.

"My shift ends in about an hour…"

You're not worth waiting for. Shut up.

You figure he won't; that's why you asked. Seungmin probably has someone to meet. Someone like his girlfriend. He'll say he doesn't have that kind of time, probably scoff at you for asking something so outrageous when you know he's a busy man, and then walk out and never talk to you again. It's for the best. Obviously Seungmin is not good for your health.

He checks his watch and then nods. "I'll wait for you."

The shock on your face must be amusing, because as soon as Seungmin lowers his wrist and sees your face, he's bursting into a giggly smile.

"You will?"

He nods again, resting his hands inside his slack pockets. "I said I will."

"Then...I guess one smoothie can't hurt."

Seungmin hasn't stopped smiling. He winks at you, a loud skip of your heart responding inside your chest.

"Awesome."

Conversations with Seungmin are a roller coaster. One second, he's talking about the superiority of sweet potato fries to french fries, and the next he's pouting because his girlfriend won't let him buy a puppy. He doesn't have a dog currently and, no, he and his girlfriend did not break up. Judging from the way he talks about her, he's a loyal boyfriend. A kind, considerate, happy, loyal boyfriend.

He says she's perfect in almost every way. He likes her hair, her smile, her laugh. He really appreciates and treasures every part of her. This is the stuff your elementary friends said having a boyfriend was all about. The kind of stuff in movies where the guy always speaks kindly of his girlfriend no matter who he's with. It's all very childish in a way, but you do admit. You're jealous. Jealous of the way Seungmin talks about his girlfriend.

Not that you were expecting him to be any less passionate about his relationship than he is about producing. He also loves his job very much. Turns out Seungmin is in charge of managing behind the scenes of the photoshoots and the final produced cut of the photos.

So, basically, he's a genius.

Each time he talks, he impresses you. So much, you have to take a sip of your smoothie to keep from staring slack-jawed at him.

Seungmin starts giggling, his cute laugh bringing you back to reality.

"What?" you ask, stunned at the way he suddenly sounds like a little kid.

He lifts his finger and brushes the corner of your mouth, pulling away with a small dot of pink smoothie on his fingernail. He smiles and tastes it. His lips are pink, and they look very soft for it being so cold outside.

"Thanks."

He nods. "No problem. I'm assuming you like your smoothie then?"

You copy his cute nod. "I always get this one."

He sits back and crosses his arms with a furrowed brow. "Always? Why that one?"

"I know I like it."

"Don't you wanna try something different now and then?"

"I haven't wanted to try something different in a long time," you answer, using your straw to play with the leftover smoothie at the bottom of your cup. “It’s safer to get what I know I like.”

Seungmin blinks at you. Behind his eyes, he's processing, things are stacking in his mind and making more and more sense the more he talks to you. He can already tell you're no ordinary smoothie employee. There's something special about you, special and perhaps painful. He wants to know you more.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you lose my card?"

Your eyes widen to the size of baseballs. Inside your chest, your heart screams at you not to answer. This is where the fairy tale ends and reality slaps you in the face.

"Umm, to be honest, I-I threw it away," you reply with a guilty frown.

Seungmin clenches his heart in pain, "Oh! You sure know how to hurt a guy's feelings.”

He's disappointed in you for what you did. He must hate you for that. Shut up.

It's things like this that really bug you. He's obviously joking, but you feel like crying. No matter how many times you tell yourself he's fine, your mind keeps plunging itself into darkness, beating itself up for being so useless and stupid.

"I threw it away after I saved your number in my phone," you quietly tell him in hopes that he'll accept your excuse. "I have your number in my phone, I swear."

You try to fake a playful smile, but it's impossible. Your head hangs low, much lower than it was before. He still manages to notice your eyes and the dim wetness in them somehow.

Seungmin stops and turns to rest his chin in his palms, titling his head to see you and kindly smiling. "Ah, so is that why you haven't called me?"

"What?"

"The reason you haven't called me is because you have my number in your phone?"

The smirk on his face finds you practically speechless. "Well...no?"

His lips smack and he flashes a warm smile at you. "Then why didn't you call me? Not that I was waiting for your call or anything, but I was kinda waiting for your call."

What did he just say? You understand that some people are overly friendly or just have a flirty personality, but why does he keep saying cute things like this when he has a girlfriend?

"You have a girlfriend," you finally say, "I didn't call you because you have a girlfriend."

"Is that what you thought? Oh, no! I didn't – I mean, that's not what I was implying at all. Yes, I have a girlfriend, but I was hoping you would call me because I want to offer you a job."

"A job?" you ask timidly.

"Yes, a job." Seungmin explains, "I think you have some raw talent hidden under that shy exterior, and I wanted to offer you a chance to audition for my company. But I also wanted to make sure your personality is as sweet as your appearance. I was hoping you would call me and I could see you again, so I could make sure I wanted you for the new New Year line. That's all, I swear."

"Oh."

It all starts to make sense. His friendliness wasn't an act, but you also misunderstood him from the very beginning. He never intended to have a relationship with you, well, not a casual one at least.

"I've never modeled before."

"That's okay!" Seungmin says. "I don’t like to use professional models. They're too pompous and demanding. Plus, they don't look as natural as say someone like you. I like your style, and from the time I've spent with you, I really like the energy and vibe you bring too. I want to hire you."

"Hire? Me?"

Seungmin nods.

Flashbacks of times you've watched yourself in the mirror come to mind. Clearly, Seungmin is only asking you this because he's yet to see you in something truly form fitting. While a New Year line doesn't sound nearly as demanding or scary as say a swimsuit line, you can't deny the amount of sheer terror just thinking about being in front of a camera does to you.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

I'm bruised. I'm broken. I'm scarred.

"I have a job here."

Seungmin scoffs, "Don't use that excuse on me. Someone just offered you a well-paying job to stand in place, and you turn it down to blend smoothies? Come on, all I'm asking is for you to audition. Whatdya say?"

"Thank you, but…" you nervously pick at your sweater paws wrapped around your cold, styrofoam cup, "I'm happy where I am."

The gentleman sitting across from you narrows his eyes and sighs. "Are you? I mean, I know we don't know each other insanely well, but you can talk to me. If you want to."

"I know. Thanks." Your default response when someone offers to get closer to you.

Seungmin slowly nods and ganders around the store. "I guess you do have a little home here, huh? I get why you don't want to leave. Still..." he finishes his smoothie and stands up, "tell me if you change your mind?"

"Okay, sure," you say without looking up.

He stands there, watching you for a minute or so before you hear his soft voice, "Hey."

You slowly find his gaze looking down at you, and instantly, you're locked onto his eyes.

"Call me tomorrow? We can have lunch together on my break."

Immediately, you shake your head. "I'm not going to model for you, Seungmin."

"I know, but who said we can't be friends? I'm just asking you for lunch not to marry me."

"Friends?" The word slips past your lips before you can stop it.

He squats down next to you and smiles softly, little sparkles in his eyes you didn't know were there until you became this physically close to him. "I think you're really cool, ___. I'd like to be your friend, if you can manage that."

Your eyelids flutter like it's life or death. Did it suddenly get really hot in here or is that just you getting sick over nothing again? His eyes are so beautiful, it feels like they see into your deepest thoughts and insecurities when he looks at you like that. It's scary and nice and painful all at the same time.

You take a deep breath, unsure of what you're about to say, but your lips part and you decide whatever words come next must be your honest feelings.

"Okay. Lunch. Just promise me there won't be a wedding photographer."

Seungmin laughs and crosses his heart. "I promise." He stands and pulls out some money, dropping it on the table to pay for the smoothies. "See you tomorrow, ___."

You wave as he walks out the door, smiling back at you before stepping into the harsh world with exemplary confidence and positivity, the same kind you hope will find you again someday.

"Baby? Is that you?" Seungmin hears the lovely sound of his girlfriend's voice come from the kitchen when he enters the house.

"Yeah, it's me." He sniffs. "Are you cooking?"

Her footsteps come around the corner, and she smiles when he sees her, sighing in complete and domestic satisfaction.

"It's in the oven right now. I felt bad about our little fight the other night and wanted to make it up to you. Sorry, I used all your pasta though."

Seungmin sighs as he takes in the beautiful sight of his girlfriend. She's dressed in his t-shirt and boxers with a small white apron wrapped around her waist. She looks absolutely adorable. Seungmin can feel his heart swell at the sight of her.

"Baby, you shouldn't have."

She reaches out to him. Seungmin drops his coat and immediately goes to her, scooping her up in his arms and kissing her thin lips. He melts into her embrace.

"Hmm," she hums against his lips before pulling away, "well, I still felt bad. So, I put some lasagna in the oven and bought a bottle of your favorite merlot. How do you feel about having an Italian night?"

Seungmin smiles and kisses her nose cutely. "Sounds perfect." He begins to sway her in his arms as calmness washes over him. "You look adorable by the way. I love it when you wear my clothes."

"I know," she sings, "that's why I'm wearing them."

Seungmin raises his eyebrows. "Is that the only reason?" He dips his lips to her neck and begins to tickle her skin with kisses. "Sure there isn't another reason my girlfriend is wearing my boxers?"

She only giggles and tries to keep her boyfriend’s fingers from tickling her ribs. "Uh no, there's not. Seungmin!" she exclaims when he swoops her into the air, her legs instantly wrapping around his waist. "I swear, if you don't put me down right now—"

"You'll what?" Seungmin interrupts. "What will you do?"

His girlfriend huffs a few empty threats which make him chuckle.

"I think we've established that I'm the dominant one in this relationship," he leads them to the couch before dropping the smaller girl on the cushions and climbing over her, "or maybe you need to be reminded."

His words ghost against her ear mere moments before his lips follow, brushing along her lobe, then drifting down the length of her neck to the dip of her collarbone. Each kiss escapes him with a quiet sigh, his hands slipping beneath the oversized shirt she’d stolen from his closet the night before. In one swift motion, he tears off her apron and tosses it aside, the careless act sending a pulse of heat straight through him. Even something that simple makes his desire spike.

Fuck, he needs this. The feeling of her soft body pinned beneath his. The sound of her breath hitching, her moans curling into the air as he rocks into her, her nails dragging down his back and sending shivers through his spine. The way her fingers tangle in his hair when he bites down on her shoulder. The heat of her skin pressed to his, their bodies moving together like they were made for this. The way she arches and cries out when he hooks her leg over his shoulder.

Just thinking about it makes Seungmin groan under his breath.

"Baby, the lasagna will be done in like fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes is plenty of time." He crashes their lips back together, his mouth hungry and urgent as he licks inside, coaxing her tongue to meet his. He needs to taste her - but more than that, he needs to keep her from speaking, afraid that if she does, she’ll pull away again.

To Seungmin's pleasant surprise, she doesn’t stop him. Maybe it’s because she made this whole dinner as a quiet apology for turning him down last time, but he clings to the hope that it’s because, right now, she actually wants him too.

“Wait,” she finally breathes against his lips when she finds a moment to speak.

Reluctantly, Seungmin pulls back, his eyes searching hers.

She offers him a soft, almost apologetic smile and gently runs her fingers through his hair. “How about we just enjoy our dinner tonight, okay? We’ve got plenty of time to do all this another day.”

Seungmin freezes. He thought…for a split second, he could’ve sworn she was into it. Her head had tilted to give him more access, her body warmer and more inviting than it had been in weeks. His hands were already halfway to undoing his pants, convinced they were finally on the same page again. So what happened?

“Yeah,” he says after a pause, swallowing the lump of disappointment in his throat. “Okay.”

His girlfriend sighs as they both sit up again. She pats his thigh and heads back to the kitchen, but she doesn’t make it two steps before—

“Do you find me attractive?”

She pauses, glancing over her shoulder. “What? Of course, I do.”

“No, I mean…do you think I’m sexy?”

She turns fully now, brows furrowed. “What the heck are you getting at?”

Suddenly, Seungmin stands and strips off his shirt, urgency tightening every movement. His breath comes faster, heart pounding under a storm of insecurity.

“Do you even want me?” he asks. His gaze might look confident, but the tremble in his voice betrays the truth.

“I…” She swallows, startled. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Just answer the question,” Seungmin says, more vulnerable than demanding.

She doesn’t speak right away. Instead, she walks toward him and places a hand gently on his bare chest. It’s a simple gesture. But after weeks of distance, that one touch lights a fire under his skin. It sends a chill down his spine, and something low in his gut pulses with the need to feel more.

"Are you okay, Seungmin?"

"No. I'm not okay. This relationship is not okay. That's the issue." The words pour out before he can stop them. "And stop calling me Seungmin."

She scoffs, tension flaring in her voice. "That’s your name.”

"You never used to call me by my name. It was always baby, or dandy boy, or hell, even daddy. What happened to that? Or was it just pillow talk? Things you used to say when we were actually sleeping together.”

Her brows knit, clearly taken aback. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I want you! I still want you so badly. Why don't you want me anymore?" His voice breaks as he reaches out for her waist, but she steps back, putting more distance between them. He’s left standing there half-dressed, half-broken, and completely confused.

“I don’t want to have sex,” she says firmly.

Seungmin’s hands slowly fall to his sides. The silence stretches on before he quietly asks, "Baby…are you asexual? Because if you are, that’s okay. We can work through it. But you have to talk to me—"

"What? No!" she snaps, quicker than he expected. "I just don’t want to do it right now."

"You haven’t wanted to 'do it' in over a month," Seungmin presses, trying not to sound accusing. "I’m not trying to offend you, I just…I thought maybe something’s changed."

She exhales sharply and lifts a hand, signaling him to stop. "I promise I’m not asexual. I just—"

"You just what?" he asks, stepping closer.

“I just had a long day and I’m tired, alright?” she finally says, turning to walk into the kitchen.

Seungmin follows, quietly but firmly. “If you’re that tired, why go out of your way to make dinner for me? You could’ve ordered takeout.”

She shrugs and wipes little circles on the counter top with her hand towel. "Just because I wanted to," she mumbles but it's not cute like it was before. It's just frustrating.

Seungmin carefully steps closer to her and slides his hands around her waist once she allows him, giving her every chance to push him away. When she doesn't, he sighs and rests his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured. I can take care of myself later. But I don't think we should ignore this. What do you think about maybe talking to someone about it?"

"What do you mean? Like seeing a counselor?"

"A relationship counselor, yeah. There's clearly something wrong in our sex life or we wouldn't be fighting like this all the time. I feel like there's a lot of tension that we're not releasing."

His girlfriend furrows her brow, clearly not impressed with the idea. "If you need to release tension that badly, why don't you do it before you come home?"

"You mean at work?" He almost can't believe she even suggested that. "I work at a modeling agency."

She shrugs again. "Yeah, so?"

Seungmin takes a step back and shakes his head, very confused and somewhat offended. "I am surrounded by stunning, sexy women all day who would do anything to get on the producer's good side." He points to himself. "Do you understand how easy it would be for me to release my tension at work? Are you asking me to cheat on you?"

That's when his girlfriend throws the hand towel across the counter and raises her voice louder than either of them have been all night. "Do whatever you need to, Seungmin! Whatever, I just can't take this nagging about sex anymore! I'm stressed, alright?"

"Then let me help you destress! I need you, you need me. Let's just go back to how we were before. When we were both happy. When we were sleeping together. Now it's like…I don't know, I just hate how we are now." Seungmin practically begs, running his hands through his hair.

"Well, I don't!" she replies with a stomp. "God, I don't want to have sex every day!"

"I'm not asking you to have sex with me every day, but I haven't touched you or been touched in over a month and it's messing with me! You just quit on me without any warning, with no explanation, and now I feel more distant from you than I ever have, and honestly, it's really shitty of you to keep pushing me off without saying why!”

She crosses her arms, and huffs a breath, popping her hip like one of those mean girls from high school. "Well, you're just gonna have to get over that because I'm done having this conversation with you. And if you can't accept that we're not going to be intimate anymore, then we can end this relationship right now.”

And right at that moment, the oven timer beeps, and Seungmin feels his heart drop.

She pulls the lasagna out of the oven and places it on top of the stove before throwing her oven mitts next to the dish.

"I think I'm just gonna head home for tonight," she says quietly. "Enjoy your dinner."

Seungmin sighs and rolls his lips between his teeth, telling himself he should stop her. But he doesn't, and she walks out the door with her hair blowing back a scent of lavender and missed opportunity.

He doesn't eat dinner that night.

There aren’t many contacts in your phone, honestly. Scrolling through them, it’s nearly impossible not to see Seungmin’s name pop up.

You hesitate. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this. But…he did say he wanted to be friends, and if you're being honest, you’ve been looking forward to seeing him again, no matter how much his smile does weird things to your chest.

Calling people has never been your strong suit. It's such a simple thing, yet your anxiety spikes the moment the phone rings in your ear. That faint, staticky tone that makes your lungs fizzle like they’re boiling from the inside out.

"Hello?"

He answered. Oh god, he actually answered.

"Hey."

"I know that voice," he says, and somehow he sounds like he’s smiling. Just the sound of it makes you melt. "So you finally decided to call me. Took you long enough. I was wondering when you’d come around."

"Actually, that’s why I called—"

Seungmin lets out a dramatic gasp. "Wait. You’re not calling to stand me up, are you?"

You laugh, soft and breathy. If anyone else had said that, it might've sparked full-blown panic. But with Seungmin, you can hear the teasing smirk in his voice, and it soothes the knots in your stomach.

"I got caught up cleaning a mess for my coworker. They called out. I’m sorry."

"Don’t apologize. I’d rather you be late than hurt. I'm glad you're okay.”

People always talk about the moment. The exact second they knew they were starting to fall for someone. One sentence. One gesture. One heartbeat where everything shifted.

And for the first time in three years, the second Seungmin said that impossibly thoughtful and completely unintentional sentence, something in you shifted too.

Like everything is finally starting to make sense.

"So, where are you?"

"I'm walking to the bus stop now," you tell him.

"Should I come pick you up? You'd probably have a much better time if you didn't have to take public transportation."

"No!" you respond a little too quickly, and it makes you pause before you can even finish your thought. "I mean, I can't ask you to go out of your way like that. I'll just meet you there like we planned."

Seungmin scoffs. "Nah, it's all good. I don't mind. Just stay where you are, and I'll be there in a few."

"But--"

But you don't have a chance to retort when he ends the call suddenly. Apparently he won't be hearing another word on the subject. Seungmin is on his way here and you have no choice but to wait for him.

It's a bit chilly. Thankfully the ice on the road has begun to melt, but there's still a biting breeze and plenty of reasons to wear gloves and a scarf. Too bad you didn't bring any.

By the time Seungmin pulls up to the curb, you've begun to shiver. He pops open the door from inside and gestures for you to climb inside. Cars were never really your thing, but you can tell just by the shape of the headlights this is not your run of the mill sedan.

That and the door opens up instead and out. You didn't even know car doors did that.

Inside is already toasty and the passenger seat is pre-warmed.

"Did you wait long?"

"No, you made great time. I figured you’d be later with the snow and all."

Seungmin presses a fist to his chest with mock pride. "I pride myself on my punctuality. But I hope you don’t mind, I actually need to stop by my office and drop something off. Totally forgot I had it, and the marketing team needs it before tomorrow."

You nod quickly. Of course you don’t mind. Seungmin's already done so much, picking you up, taking you to lunch, treating you like an equal, being generous, kind, real. Just being Seungmin.

He keeps driving, and the conversation flows as naturally as it did at the restaurant, and again at the smoothie shop. Every minute with him is easier than the last. He’s open. Attentive. And you can’t help but smile at the little winks and side glances he sneaks your way despite being behind the wheel.

It’s rare. Someone who actually listens, someone who sees you. He may never realize it, but he's doing something no one else has ever done for you before – he's modeling what a healthy relationship feels like.

"So, tell me," he continues after you've finished comparing your favorite things about snow, "who is this coworker who dares to call out and leave you with all their work?"

"Oh, they do it all the time. I'm used to it by now."

"Doesn't the manager care?"

"Pretty sure they're sleeping with the manager so...I'm guessing not."

"Maybe you should sleep with the manager. Then you could get out of shifts too."

"I don't know. Double chins and back fat don't really do it for me."

As soon as you speak, Seungmin breaks into laughter - an easy, bubbling sound that fills the car. It's surprising because no one has ever thought you were funny.

It must’ve struck him funnier than you meant, because he casually reaches over and places a hand on your knee. You manage not to flinch, though the reflex still hums beneath your skin. He promised he wouldn’t touch you without asking, but something tells you that for Seungmin, touch is second nature. An instinctive way he shows affection. And honestly, you like that about him. You just haven’t figured out yet how to enjoy it without your past trying to yank you backward.

"So what does it for you then? If it’s not double chins and back fat?"

He grins, clearly joking, but you’re suddenly aware of how genuine your answer is going to be.

"I guess, I like guys who are more gentle. And honest. Honesty is really important to me."

Seungmin nods slowly, eyes fixed on the road. “Honesty’s hard to come by these days. Even when you’re upfront, the other person might not be. They start shutting you out, keeping things from you, like you’re some stranger. And you keep trying to be enough, trying to be what they want, but... it’s like they’ve already decided they don’t want you. And they won’t even explain why. It’s so fucking stupid and—” he cuts himself off with a quiet sigh, resting his head against his fist by the window.

Silence stretches between you, heavy but not uncomfortable.

You’ve never seen this side of Seungmin before. With all his teasing and charm, it was easy to believe nothing ever really got to him. But now? Now you see it. He carries his own quiet ache, the kind you recognize. You don’t know the full story, but for the first time, you wish more than anything to be someone he could trust with it.

You just don’t know how to ask him to let you in.

He ends up speaking before you can think of the words to say. "Sorry, I didn't mean to drop all that on you. We can forget it.”

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Guess you could say that," he shrugs, brushing it off with a tight smile. "But it's all good. Let's change the subject, if you don't mind."

"Sorry. Sure."

So that’s it, then. Seungmin doesn’t want to confide in you. The realization settles deep in your chest, cold and familiar, like an old bruise pressed too hard. You hate how easily your silence chokes moments like this, how your words always seem to falter right when they might matter most. You’re not the person people open up to. You never have been.

The silence between you stretches, thickening with every passing second. You start to fidget, fingers tugging at the strap of your purse, eyes locked on the worn tips of your boots. Seungmin’s car glides so smoothly over the snow that you can hear every subtle crunch beneath the tires, every small shift of his hands on the leather wheel. It should be peaceful. Instead, it hums like static in your ears, uncomfortable, impossible to ignore.

"Is your work much farther?"

"Yeah, we just have to cross the bridge after this light," he says with a flat smile as the car comes to a stop.

The red illuminates the inside of the car despite it being midday. Clouds litter the sky and block the majority of any possible sunlight. Winter is nice, but you miss the sunshine on days like this.

"What's your favorite food?" he suddenly asks you.

"Umm, probably fruit. I also like rice dishes."

"Favorite color?"

"Red."

"Favorite animal?"

"Definitely dogs," you start to crack a smile. "Why the pop quiz?"

The light turns green, and he eases the car forward. “I’ve gotta keep asking questions,” he says, glancing your way with a grin. “It’s the only way I’ll get to know you. Most friends know this kind of stuff about each other.”

“If you say so,” you laugh softly, warmth blooming in your chest. It’s been a long time since anyone really tried to know you, really cared to. And the fact that it’s Seungmin? That just makes it harder to keep your heart steady.

He catches your shy smile in the corner of his eye and smiles back. "Glad we agree."

Damn it, you really like this. Riding in a car, feeling completely safe with the person driving. Talking about absolutely everything and seemingly nothing at the same time. Learning new things about each other without fear. You're not sure how he's managed to create this safe atmosphere, but somehow Seungmin makes talking – something you've never found easy – so simple.

He keeps the conversation going with another easy question. “Favorite movie genre?”

“I like old-timey romantic movies.”

Seungmin quirks a brow. “Like black and white ones?”

“Yeah. My mom and dad used to take me to drive-ins. We’d sit in the car tossing popcorn at random stuff and making fun of the actors. It was just silly, but, it made me feel really close to them.”

He glances at you briefly, then back at the road, his smile soft and genuine. “Used to?”

You hesitate, but something about Seungmin makes you feel safe enough to tell the truth.

“My parents passed away not long after my eighteenth birthday.” Your voice stays steady, though your chest tightens. “I still miss them every day. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I could just hug my mom again or ask my dad what to do. I feel like things would make more sense if I could. Daz always said they're dead now so what's the point of wishing hopelessly. He's probably right. He was very adamant about those things."

Seungmin doesn't respond right away. The silence settles, not cold or dismissive - just thoughtful. And when he finally speaks, it’s quiet and careful, like he doesn’t want to break something delicate.

"Look, I don't know who this Daz guy is, but he has no right saying things like that. It's one hundred percent okay to miss your parents. And if it's hopeless wishing, who freaking cares? Wishing keeps your heart alive. It keeps your hope alive. And if you're not hoping for anything, then what's the point?"

Those words are the kindest you've heard in a really long time. So long in fact, you don't know how you're supposed to respond. Even if he didn't mean them in the way you want him to, you know he meant them to encourage you, and that in and of itself means so much.

You honestly feel safer even just sitting in a car with him, driving down the snowy street in the cold of a winter afternoon. You could spill everything. Every little piece of yourself.

Carefully, you watch his profile, paying special attention to your heart tugging in your chest. And not because Seungmin is the first guy to treat you this way in such a long time, (although that's probably a factor), you just trust his person. You don't have to keep your guard up constantly or suspect him of lying to you or–

"And who the hell is this Daz guy anyway? He sounds like a dick.”

You blink. Whoops.

"Uh…" you stumble, "h-he's my… ex."

Seungmin straightens a bit, clearly caught off guard. “Your ex said that to you?” His voice is laced with disbelief, and your heart skips.

“Yeah…” You inhale slowly. It’s time. He’s been open with you, and you owe him the same. “Do you remember the first time we met?”

“Yeah, at Felix’s restaurant. Why?”

You hesitate, then press forward. “I told you I was waiting for a blind date… but that was actually my first date since breaking up with Daz.”

Seungmin glances over, catching the embarrassment on your face before you can hide it. “Really?”

You nod, hands twisting together in your lap, ankles crossed tight. The heat rising in your cheeks feels almost unbearable, made worse by the snow falling steadily outside, soft and cold against the windows.

You wait for the silence to stretch, for him to pull away or say something sharp. But instead, he exhales slowly and reaches over, slipping his hand into yours.

“I’ve been stood up before,” he says gently. “It sucks. A lot.”

His palm is warm—solid—but tender. The way his fingers curl around yours makes something deep inside you unclench. You glance at him. The angle of his jaw looks sharper against the soft light, but his expression is anything but hard.

“I’m sorry for lying,” you murmur. The guilt is thick in your voice. You still can’t convince yourself he won’t suddenly regret being kind.

But Seungmin just shakes his head, glancing at you with something softer in his eyes. “You didn’t really lie. You didn’t owe me anything that night. And honestly… people lie for a lot worse reasons. You don’t have to carry that around. I'm not mad.”

"You're not?'

Seungmin shakes his head and chuckles. "Of course, I'm not. What, like I'm gonna pull the car over and leave you on the side of the road because I don't affiliate with liars? My job has me surrounded by liars every day. And they're much worse than you, believe me."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay so, you've seen magazine covers and photoshoots, right? All that stuff is edited and polished until it's perfect. Most of those girls don't look like they do in pictures. In real life, models are much more..." he takes a moment to think of the right word, "erroneous."

"Erroneous?"

Seungmin glances your way and smiles proudly. "It's my word for the day. It means flawed."

"Oh," you stifle a giggle with the back of your hand, "well, I appreciate you not kicking me out of your car. And for your significantly expanded vocabulary. It's very advantageous."

Seungmin raises his brow, equally entertained. “Alright, I see you, ___. Impressed.”

Conversations with Seungmin are so refreshing. You never talked about vocabulary words, models, or classic romance films with Daz. Honestly, you never talked like this with anyone.

In fact, since your last conversation with Seungmin at the smoothie shop, you haven’t really spoken to anyone else. That exchange has been playing on a loop in your mind ever since. His words linger, like they found a home somewhere in the space between your ears. And strangely, you don’t mind. You like having his voice echo in your head. It's calming.

"Earth to ___?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry," you immediately apologize. "I tend to zone out sometimes."

"Stuck in dream world?" he asks with an understanding sigh.

You shrug. "Something like that."

"The dream world can be a dangerous place, you know. Careful how often you spend time there."

Some of the things Seungmin says catch you off guard. Sometimes you think you've got him figured out and then he says something totally unexpected and yet completely understandable, and it surprises you how well you resonate with his worldview and experiences considering you've only met him a few times.

"Because," you continue his thought, "if you're not careful, you can grow complacent with your dreams. The only problem being nothing can ever live up to them. You'll only ever be satisfied when you're not in reality. Right?"

Seungmin looks over to you slowly as the car comes to pause at the last red light before his company. You keep a solemn gaze fixed on the road ahead.

"Right..." he says with a soft blink, sliding his hands up and around the steering wheel.

"Seungmin?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you do when all your dreams are nightmares?"

You've never asked anything like this to anyone, and this could potentially be very inappropriate, but you ask anyway. Maybe because for the first time, you think Seungmin could have a chance of having the answer. Maybe because you've come to the end of your patience and you're tired of dealing with unanswered questions. Whatever the reason, the words tumble out on their own. But you're not necessarily trying to stop them either.

"Find something good."

Seungmin's words shock you, but you're also curious as to what he could mean by that.

"Something good?"

He shrugs. "Yeah. Focus on the good. Everyone has nightmares from time to time. Probably because no one has a perfect reality and their daydreams are going to have some downsides too. The main point of a dreamworld is not to erase the hellishness from this reality. It's to create a whole new place to go when this reality gets a little too…"

"Real?"

"Yeah. Real."

He parks his car and for a moment, you just watch each other, as if silently understanding that whatever it is the two of you are separately going through, whatever trials, whatever pain, whatever struggle, whatever reality, you both just found someone you can confide in and trust. Something neither of you have had in a long while.

"We're here," he sings and exits the car with you close behind.

Your head falls back completely just trying to see all the way to the top of the building. Standing on the sidewalk in your thrift shop jeans and sweater, you don't feel nearly rich enough to go in there.

Seungmin leads you past the front doors, past security, past another set of metal detectors and into what you immediately realize must be the main hall.

Everything is very impressive, from the massive cameras to the people behind them. You've never seen so many screens and all of them are flashing picture after picture in real time as the photographer takes them.

Standing in the middle of a white sheet at the front of the room is a beautiful model. She's wearing what looks like very expensive clothes and high heels. Her hair is perfect, her smile is perfect, her outfit is perfect. She looks perfect. And she looks so at ease. You can only imagine if that was you, you'd never look that good.

Seungmin taps your shoulder. "I'm stepping into that back office for a second. Can you wait here? I'll be right back."

"Yeah, sure."

As soon as Seungmin is out of sight, you try to get a little closer to the action. The whole thing is admittedly very very cool. The idea that the model and photographer work together to help influence thousands of people to buy a particular piece of clothing.

The fashion industry always intrigued you but you never felt beautiful enough to pursue it. Part of that is your natural tendency to belittle yourself, but you also know a lot of your issues with self acceptance came from your past relationship. You keep telling yourself you've moved on and healed but the truth is there's still pieces of you that hurt on a regular basis.

But watching this model do her job...wow. You have to admit, it looks fun. If only you had the guts to accept Seungmin's offer.

"Oh, thank god, you're here!"

Your head whips around and standing before you is a very tall, very flamboyant stylist. He's got a measuring tape draped around his neck, a crop top beneath his short overalls and the longest, prettiest eyelashes you've ever seen on any eyes.

"Next time you're gonna be late, please have the decency to let me know. We're all trying to do our jobs here, same as you, okay babe?"

"But I'm not--"

He takes your wrists and ushers you towards the other side of the room where there's racks of clothes and about six or seven vanities.

"No excuses, babydoll," he sighs, sitting you in a chair and pulling the ponytail from your hair. "Let's do this quick. You'll find out soon enough, but Mr. Cameraman over there is not known for his patience." He chuckles to himself before adding, "But he knows how to use his hips just as well as a camera, so I'm usually convinced to let things slide, if you know what I mean."

His comments make you giggle. Suddenly, you're very comfortable. He plays with your hair, fluffing it and styling it before moving onto your make up. It doesn't take him long. He says you're already so naturally beautiful he doesn't need to do a lot.

"Makeup is meant to accentuate a person's natural beauty, not paint on a whole new face. That's why it's called 'make up' not 'mask on', darling. Write that down."

After scanning through his several racks of clothes, he picks out a few pieces and tosses them towards you.

"There's a curtain over here, honey. Let me know if you need help. Just call for Hyunjin, that's me!”

And with that, he hurries his cute little butt to another station and gets to helping someone else. As you look around, you realize there's not many people here. The set is big and appears to need many people to run it efficiently, but there's only maybe fifteen working bodies nearby. Maybe they're short staffed. Or maybe Seungmin is just picky about who he hires.

Whatever the reason, Seungmin made a very good choice hiring Hyunjin, you think.

The clothes he gave you look warm and cozy but definitely higher fashion than you're used to. Maybe you should try them on, just to be polite?

With more excitement than you thought you'd have, you hurry behind the curtain and begin stripping. After double checking no one could see, you slip on the fancy pants and top and coat.

As soon as you step out, Hyunjin comes running back over, hands over his mouth and what looks like tears in his eyes.

"Baby, look at you!" he gasps. "You are so beautiful. Yes. Yes! This is it, Felicia! Oh my god, girl, everything about this is right. You look utterly amazing!"

His compliments make you blush, warm cheeks only adding to the casual winter girlfriend aesthetic he's got you dolled up in. You wrap the coat further around your waist and smile bashfully.

"I like it."

"That's right you do! Now, go do your job and model that coat like your paycheck depends on it. Because it does. Go go go."

"What? Oh no, that's not what I--"

"Less talking, more modeling. Snap snap!"

You're shoved in front of a blank backdrop, suddenly and forcefully. Scanning the room, you don't see Seungmin anywhere yet. He must still be handling business elsewhere.

The photographer lifts his camera but he lowers it again before taking any shots.

"Are you gonna pose?"

"Uhh…" you start to panic, "I don't know…s-sorry."

From the corner of your eye, you catch Hyunjin gesturing for you to do something. He puts his hand on his hip and mocks showing off his outfit with a confident and flirty smile.

With nothing else to go on and no clear sign of escaping, you decide it's now or never. It does cross your mind that this is all Seungmin's doing, a last attempt to make you reconsider working for him, and while it's petty and a little invasive of your personal space, you might as well make the most of it.

You try to copy the poses. A hand on your hip, a hand behind your head, legs wide and hips pushed back. But it doesn't look right and feels awkward. The photographer takes a peak at the pictures and shakes his head.

He's disappointed in you. You ruined his photoshoot. You ruined the coat. You ruined all these people's hard work. It's all your fault. Shut up.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," you mumble repeatedly, rubbing a hand over the back of your neck and refusing to look at the camera anymore.

The photographer gasps, "Hold it right there!" He snaps a picture before you can move. "That's it. That is, oh damn, that's great. Do that again."

"Do what?"

"The shy thing," he mimics your hand on the back of his neck, "what you just did."

With little assurance you tuck your hair behind your ear, glancing at the camera before looking away in embarrassment.

"Nice," he encourages you, "keep it up!"

You're not sure how you being shy and unconfident makes for good pictures, but you continue being your awkward, unsure self, and the photographer continues snapping pictures of you from every angle and side. He litters you with praises the whole time, some way too good to be true. But the more you hear how much he likes your modeling, the more willing you are to try new poses.

By the time Seungmin returns, you've modeled two other outfits and had your make up redone three times.

He walks out, hands in his pockets and an innocent smirk on his face as he watches you giggle at the camera. He thinks you're a natural, playing with the camera like that, teasing it by looking over your shoulder and shyly flipping your hair. Not only do your pictures come out flawless, but you make the clothes look remarkable too.

"Ready to go?" he calls for you.

As soon as he gets your attention, you hurry over to him, thanking the photographer and stylist on the way.

You stop in front of him and smile. "Okay, fine. You win."

"I win what?"

"I know you asked to come here so I would get a chance to model and hopefully reconsider your job offer."

He gapes, a hand over his chest. "___, whatever do you mean? I would never try something so manipulative like that."

You giggle at his reaction, playful hitting his bicep. "Oh, stop it! You know exactly what you did. And I admit, modeling is pretty fun."

"And you're so good at it," he insists, pointing to the pictures on the monitor. "You were a natural up there. Just like I knew you would be."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I do. And if you enjoyed it that much, you should come back and be my winter model. If you want to. Please? Only if you want to. Pretty please?"

This might be the second biggest mistake of your life, but right now, it feels like exactly what you need to do. Even if this all ends up being a waste of time, you want to experience it. It's been so long since you said yes to something new, something exciting. At least you know your therapist would be proud of you. And Seungmin's smile is influencing your heart in more ways than one at this moment.

"Okay. I'll do it!" you say excitedly and almost immediately, he wraps you in a tight hug.

Seungmin feels completely victorious. Today went even better than he’d hoped. You agreed to take a seasonal position helping him shoot his New Year line. And if things go the way he wants, maybe he’ll even convince you to stick around for the summer one too.

He’s not trying to think too hard about how much fun he had with you in the process. He meant it when he said he enjoys your company, though he might’ve understated just how much. There’s something about you. Your reactions are so sincere, your feelings never feel forced, and you have this effortless ability to switch between being funny and thoughtful. With you, there’s no second-guessing. No pretending.

You just get him.

And that's…really something. You’re really something.

Plus he got to come home early which hasn't happened in what feels like forever. He can actually cook something for dinner if he wants to. He has the time, the energy, and the ingredients. What the hell, why not? He can spoil himself for a night.

He drops his stuff by the door and makes his way to his bedroom to change into comfy clothes.

Weird. He doesn't remember closing his door this morning.

Just as his hand closes around the knob, he hears it. A high pitched, desperate moan. He recognizes the voice but not the name it's currently cursing in explicit pleasure.

Part of him doesn't want to open the door. If he does, he has to face it and envisioning the scene in his head is already his worst nightmare. The other half of him couldn't care less.

He pushes open the door and sure enough, there she is. With her head thrown back against his pillow, in his bed, covered by nothing but his sheets, in his apartment. Her hand is buried in the curly black hair of some strange guy who's buried himself between her legs.

They both jump when Seungmin slams the door against the wall.

He watches them, expressionless.

"Seungmin, what are you doing here?"

"My apartment," he deadpans. "What are you doing here?"

It's such a sick, mean question to ask someone in her position, but she couldn't earn his pity or his sympathy even if she wanted to. Not anymore. Not now. Not ever again.

The douchebag who was just devouring her sits up with a dazed blur over his eyes and shimmering lips. He uses the bedsheet to wipe his mouth before attempting to say something.

"Whoa, uhhh, hey dude listen, she didn't tell me she had a--"

"Get out," Seungmin commands.

The guy doesn't hesitate. Without giving Seungmin's girlfriend another glance, he pulls his jeans over his ass, grabs his shirt and runs out the front door, stuttering as he goes.

She sits there, naked and shameless.

She doesn't say anything. Not that Seungmin necessarily wants her to, but it would be nice to at least hear her try to explain herself. Her silence cuts through his skin like a knife, carving her obvious state of indifference across his skin and engraving every hint and voiceless sign he should have seen but chose to ignore for the sake of avoiding this very confrontation.

There's no point in avoiding anything anymore.

"You too."

"You can't just kick me out--"

"Now. Never come back."

She shouldn't be shocked. Either way, she takes her time getting dressed and gathering her jacket, which was thrown across the room earlier, no doubt during some heated foreplay.

Just as she passes Seungmin in the doorway, she pauses. Still staring straight ahead, he clenches his jaw and barely manages to keep himself composed when she speaks.

"I liked you, Seungmin. It's not my fault you suck in bed."

It's her lack of guilt or apology that burns more than anything. A million questions cloud his mind and judgment as she walks out, into the freezing world, the only consequence for her actions being the end of a relationship she clearly couldn't have cared less about.

And Seungmin is left to clean up the mess she's made of his trust.

He doesn't cry. She's not worth it.

First, he strips his sheets and pillow cases and stacks them in his apartment-sized square of green backyard. With a little motor oil and a match, he burns his best bedsheets to ash, followed by every physical picture he took with her and the scarf she accidentally left on his desk chair.

Even with all the physical evidence gone, for now the memory of her voice, her laugh, her kiss, and her sighs are still fossilized in his brain.

Despite having remade his bed and stacked it with fresh pillows, he still sleeps on the couch that night. (If staring at the ceiling and listening to the same song over and over just so he's not encased in humiliating silence is considered sleeping.)

2 weeks later

"Hey hot stuff, ready for a new day?"

Hyunjin, your now official personal stylist, tells you that you're beautiful every day. He's constantly praising you and pushing you to try new colors and hairstyles. Sometimes, when there's time before the shoot, you let him mess with your hair and play around with different makeup techniques.

Hyunjin is one of a kind and he's definitely your favorite new friend you've made since taking this job. But everyone in the office is nice to you thankfully, including the other girls. You're not best friends with any of them, but they smile politely and let you use their spare hairspray when yours runs out.

Modeling itself has gotten harder over the last few days. No longer do you envy the girls on magazine covers and commercials. The more pictures you see of yourself, the more you realize what Seungmin said is true. None of those models look exactly like themselves in the final product. Neither do you.

But you're not quitting. You gave Seungmin your word that you would stay until all the shoots for his New Year line are over. In return he offered to give you whatever outfit you like best in addition to your very generous paycheck.

You admit the perks are nice and you get along with the staff, but it's disappointing how often you actually see Seungmin.

Seungmin is a very busy man. You've only been modeling for about two weeks now, but even you can see he's been putting a lot on himself lately. Sometimes he doesn't leave the office until early hours of the morning. You discovered this after the day you came in to surprise the team with coffee and he was still working from the night before.

Needless to say, you made him promise to leave by midnight at the latest. And so far, he's kept to that promise, or so he texts you that he has.

Not that you took this job because you thought you would be able to spend more time with him. But when you took this job for a totally responsible reason, you thought you would be able to spend more time with him. Luckily, you've come to discover something he has a very hard time saying no to.

Lamb skewers.

Knock knock~~

"Come in."

You slowly push the door open and peek your head inside. "Hey, Seungmin?"

He looks up from his desk. His expression instantly lightens when he sees you. "___, what's up?"

"Are you ready to go?"

It takes him a moment to remember, but after a few blinks he catches on again. "Oh! Right, dinner. We're going to dinner, uhhh one sec." Scrambling for his things, he chuckles when he finally finds his car keys in his pocket.

His smile is nice but something about it seems...off.

In his car, you keep a close eye on him. Something happened. You can tell. As someone who's gone through deep shit, you've developed an ability to tell when someone else is also going through deep shit.

"How was modeling today?" he asks you casually as he pulls onto the road. "I saw your newest pictures earlier. You're amazing."

"Thanks," his compliments always make you shy. "I think I've got the hang of it, but facing a camera isn't always easy."

"Do you like it though?"

"Yeah, I enjoy it. How's your work coming along, Producer?" you ask with a slight tease to your voice.

He nods, as if his smile alone will carry the conversation. For whatever reason Seungmin has decided to overwork himself, whether that's to distract himself or avoid something, it's affected his social skills. He's not nearly as outspoken, confident, or involved as he used to be. The Seungmin you know is a great conversationalist and passionate and isn't afraid to save a stranger from being embarrassingly stood up on a blind date.

This isn't the same Seungmin.

You're not one for confrontation, but it's come to the point where Seungmin means too much to you to ignore him when he's not himself.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Huh?" He glances at you innocently, as if broken from a daydream. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine. Did something happen?" you ask gently, tucking your hands between your knees and shrugging as if that will make your question less invasive.

Maybe it's not your place as his employee (technically), but you justify your actions because you're approaching him as his friend.

Seungmin sighs, obvious conflict in his breath and subtle fidgeting. He bites his lip as if he's trying to keep himself from admitting it, but he can't help himself. He really wants to talk to someone about it. And while he probably should be talking to a therapist, he really trusts you and part of him wants to share his personal life with you.

"I broke up with my girlfriend."

"I'm sorry."

"Not what you were expecting, huh," he forces a laugh.

"That's not it, I just…" you pause, thinking of the right way to form your words, "...can I ask why?"

"She...wasn't the one for me," he hums. "I mean, things were fine at first, but she thought I wasn't...well, I decided we weren't good together, so I ended things."

You take that answer as an unwillingness to share the detailed reason of why he decided to end things with his girlfriend. Since you're in no place to push his obvious boundaries, you relax into your seat again and try to keep the conversation going without increasing the already settling awkwardness.

"People usually assume it's hardest on the person who got broken up with. But I know what it's like to end a relationship. It's not easy. I think you're really strong for making that call."

"That's right, you broke up with your boyfriend three years ago," Seungmin reminds himself. "I don't know much about your ex, but from what you've told me, he wasn't exactly kind."

"Not really. Sounds like your ex wasn't exactly kind either."

"Yeah, not really," he admits with a chuckle, glancing at you with at least some form of an honest smile. "Damn, we really know how to pick em, don't we?"

The atmosphere between you is warming up in a way that feels effortless. The more you talk, the more you share, the more natural the closeness becomes. Being close to Seungmin is something you’re learning not to take lightly. For all his charm and outward confidence, he’s surprisingly guarded when it comes to his personal life. He’s great at small talk, professional, polished, always knowing the right thing to say. But letting people in? That’s rare.

So being someone he trusts, someone he opens up to even a little, feels…special.

The car hums gently beneath you as you ride along, the snow outside catching the streetlights in passing glints. Between stoplights and quiet pauses in the conversation, you glance out the window, content. Seungmin asks about your last photoshoot, if your shifts at the smoothie shop are finished, and if you’re still thinking about applying elsewhere. He keeps the questions coming - always about you.

But when you try to ask about him, he redirects, shifts the topic, or tosses out a half-answer before moving on. You’ve started to pick up on the subtle way he dodges. He may seem laid-back, but you’re beginning to understand his tells. Seungmin doesn’t like to be seen too clearly. And yet, here he is, letting you in just enough. Just a little.

You’re only a couple stops from the restaurant when you glance out the window.

And then you see him.

It’s instantaneous. The moment your eyes register his silhouette, something in your chest clenches tight. Your breath catches before you even realize what’s happening. You can’t breathe.

Seungmin continues sharing about his desire to have an office karaoke night, but all sound is muffled inside your ears. You're suddenly very aware of where you are in space and what's happening around you. Every time Seungmin's elbow moves or his hand slides over the steering wheel, your whole body jerks. Your eyes stayed glued to the figure outside the car, sipping on something definitely illegal and laughing it up with a group of scruffy looking guys.

His hair, his face, his arms, his hands, his mouth the way it moves when he speaks. It's all too familiar and it's all coming back like being hit by a three year long train.

Daz.

You thought you had emotionally prepared for the day you would inevitably see him on the street. You two live in the same city after all. But clearly, you were not ready.

From the outside, nothing looks amiss. You seem calm, collected. But when Seungmin finally pulls into the parking spot and turns to say something, his gaze lands on you—and freezes.

Your cheeks are flushed, not from the weather but from pure adrenaline. You haven’t blinked. You haven’t breathed. Your lips are a flat, colorless line. You’re rigid, barely present—except for the slight movement in your throat every few seconds as your body struggles to remember how to inhale.

"“___?” Seungmin says your name carefully, almost in a whisper. “Hey, ___, look at me.”

But you don’t.

When his hand enters your peripheral vision, you flinch like you've been struck. A gasp tears from your throat as you slap his hand away on instinct, chest heaving as you recoil, curling toward the door. Your fingers clutch the safety handle with white-knuckled force, your shoulder pressed hard against the cold window like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.

Seungmin stares at you in stunned silence—heart breaking, hands still.

"It's just me. It's okay." But no matter how many times Seungmin gently mutters to you, nothing feels okay.

Talking about Daz had already stirred things up - old memories creeping in, raw emotions resurfacing like bruises you thought had faded. You could still hear the words, feel the heaviness, remember the reasons you left and the parts of yourself you lost along the way. And then, to look out the window and see him, laughing, carefree, untouched by everything he put you through, was like pouring salt into wounds you’d only just managed to cover.

It ripped something open.

Seungmin doesn’t say anything right away. He just sits there, his expression unreadable. Slowly, he looks down at his hand and watches the faint red imprint bloom across the back of it. He doesn't flinch or pull it away. He just studies it, like he's trying to make sense of what it means.

"___, you're okay. I'm not gonna hurt you." He carefully shows you his palms, offering you his hands before trying to touch you again.

You nod quickly, still breathless, but beginning to register where you are. That’s something.

“Breathe with me, ___,” Seungmin says softly, guiding you through slow, steady breaths - in through your nose, out through your mouth. You follow his lead, even though the panic still pulses through your veins like electricity, raw and relentless.

His hand finds your elbow, grounding you with the gentlest squeeze. You don’t pull away this time, so he leaves it there.

“Can you tell me what you need right now?”

“Remind me what we’re doing,” you whisper, voice trembling.

“I’m taking you to dinner, remember? Lamb skewers because they’re my favorite. And yours is fruit, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I like fruit too. I’ll pick some up later. How does that sound?”

“Yeah.” Your grip loosens on the safety handle, just enough to reach out and take his hand. Your fingers are cold, but you unbuckle yourself and draw in a deeper breath. “Keep talking to me. Please.”

“Okay, um…” Seungmin wets his lips, searching for something to keep your focus steady. “I fell on my ass this morning.”

Your head lifts slightly. “What?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t looking where I was going and stepped on a patch of ice. Just bam! Flat on my ass.”

A watery gasp slips from you, part laugh, part sob. “Did it hurt?”

“Oh, absolutely. My pride took the biggest hit. Pretty sure I cracked the sidewalk too,” he says with a small chuckle.

But when he glances over and sees tears sliding down your cheeks again, his smile falters. “Wait, did I say something wrong?”

You shake your head, burying your face in your hands as fresh sobs break free. “No,” you croak, voice soft and broken. “It’s just… it must’ve hurt a lot to fall like that. I’m sorry you fell. Falling down… it really hurts, Seungmin. It hurts so much.”

His expression softens, and without saying a word, he squeezes your hand just a little tighter.

In a moment of something—instinct, maybe, or something deeper Seungmin can’t quite name—he gently pulls you into his lap. Your body folds against his as he tucks your head into his shoulder, cradling you close, murmuring soft reassurances into your hair.

“It’s okay now. I know it hurts, but I’ve got you. You’re safe. I promise.”

He shouldn’t be surprised by the raw emotion still rolling off you in waves—people react in all kinds of ways after panic hits—but he’s never seen anyone cry this hard over something that, on paper, was supposed to be funny. It makes his chest ache for you.

His hand moves in slow circles over your back while the other strokes your hair, grounding you in the present. The way your legs settle around his waist and your body melts into his chest makes it easier to breathe. You cling to his warmth like it’s the only thing tethering you to earth.

It’s so different from anything you’ve felt before. His touch, his words, his presence. Nothing like the cold aftermath of your ex’s affection. Seungmin’s arms wrap around you now and then, pulling you into soft, steady hugs that calm your trembling body piece by piece. You don’t even realize how much you’ve needed this kind of safety until now.

Eventually, after a few minutes and one final deep breath, you push off his shoulder to sit up, the top of your head brushing the roof of his car.

“…Sorry,” you whisper, trying to shift back into your seat.

But Seungmin’s hands remain at your waist. “Stay here. Just for a little longer. You’re still calming down.”

“Sorry,” you mumble again, quieter this time.

He shakes his head, eyes gentle. “Why do you keep apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He opens the lid to his middle console and pulls out a spare napkin. After wrapping it around his finger, he carefully uses it to dry the line of tears on your cheeks. Then he wraps it around your nose.

"Blow."

It's a little embarrassing, but you're not in a position to turn his kindness away. So you blow.

"There we go. Better?"

You nod, sniffling when he tosses the napkin away and brushes the hair from your face.

Seungmin sighs, relaxing into his seat and dragging his hands around your waist. "Just breathe for a moment. We're not in any rush. Take all the time you need."

You don’t mind taking a little extra time to steady yourself. What really has your heart racing isn’t just the emotional aftermath of seeing your ex. It's the fact that Seungmin pulled you into his lap without hesitation, and now you’re here, nestled against him, completely flustered.

Because the way he’s looking at you… it’s not casual. It’s not friendly. It’s like you’re the most important thing in his world and he’s silently made it his mission to protect you.

And then, there it is. A flicker in his expression. Something small, but you catch it. A shift behind his eyes, in the tension of his jaw. Like something just clicked into place for him. He doesn’t say anything, but you can tell. Seungmin just realized something he’s not ready to admit out loud.

"___, do you wanna go back to my place?"

"Huh?"

"I don't really feel like eating out anymore. Should we just order to go and eat at my place instead?"

Really, you should give this more thought. But your mind and body are so exhausted. If this was anyone else, you would have had to force yourself to think rationally, but since it's Seungmin, you feel safe letting your guard drop completely.

"Sure. That sounds nice."

His apartment isn’t quite what you imagined for a CEO who drives such a luxurious car. It’s surprisingly modest—clean, minimal, almost understated. The kind of place that doesn’t flaunt wealth but still feels intentional. Out back, you spot scorch marks in the grass through the window. You’re dying to ask what happened, but you’re not sure you’re close enough yet to pry.

Seungmin steps in behind you and gently brushes past. “Hang on one sec.”

He disappears into the closet and returns with a pair of spare slippers. Kneeling in front of you, he places them at your feet and helps you slip them on. They’re a few sizes too big, but they’re warm and ridiculously soft.

“All good?” he asks, looking up at you with a small smile.

You nod. “Yeah. Good.”

His smile grows just a bit. “Good.”

He makes his way to the living room with your food in hand and you follow.

There's a chance Seungmin was smiling at the size difference of your feet in his shoes and the way you shuffle across the floor in an attempt not to trip over them. But then again, he could have been smiling at anything.

"Do you like sauce?"

"Mhm," you nod politely, now sitting on the couch with hands folded in your lap.

Seungmin glances at your posture. Your back straight, feet flat, like you're waiting for permission just to exist in his space. His ex had made herself at home without a second thought, treating his apartment like it was hers from day one.

You're nothing like her. Still, some part of him had habitually expected you to be instantly comfortable.

"Hey," he says gently, a quiet smile tugging at his lips. "You can relax, you know."

"Sorry," you apologize, as if the word is on standby on your tongue.

Then again, he wasn't expecting to be this awkward himself. Suddenly, Seungmin drops his task of preparing the food and turns to face you on the couch.

"Don't apologize to me anymore. You're always saying that word."

He's annoyed. He seems really annoyed. Shut up.

“Sorry. I mean—” you flinch, catching yourself and pressing your lips together. “Okay.”

“I just meant… you don’t have to be so professional around me,” Seungmin says, softer now, like he’s trying not to scare you off.

“Okay…” you say again, more hesitant this time, eyes blinking slowly like you’re trying to decode what he really means.

What is happening? Seungmin’s always been composed, articulate. The kind of guy who knows exactly how to make people feel at ease. But now you’re sitting on his couch, in his apartment, and he can’t seem to string a clear thought together. Ever since he wrapped you in his arms, heart pressed to yours, something's shifted.

“Look, ___,” he says, finally meeting your gaze, “I really like spending time with you. It’s kind of crazy how easy it is to talk to you. I don’t usually feel that way around people. You make me feel comfortable… so I just want to make sure you feel that way too. With me.”

"I am comfortable."

"Are you?"

"Yeah," you answer, shyly tucking your hair behind your ear. "I have a habit of saying sorry. I'll try not to say it so much since it bothers you."

Just the way you said it makes Seungmin think you've had to say things like that to your ex far too often. The realization sinks in quickly, and without meaning to, he finds himself developing an even deeper resentment for the word sorry.

“No, I’m not nitpicking,” Seungmin says gently. “I just want you to feel good around me. Like you don’t have to apologize for anything. What I mean is, your ex was a jerk, and I’d never treat you like that. Forget everything else, I want to be close to you. Closer than we are now. I just… I don’t really know how to go about it. I haven’t been single in a while, so I might be rusty when it comes to this sort of thing.”

His words hang in the air, warm and hesitant. And as your mind works to translate what exactly he’s trying to say, you find yourself stuck on that one part. Closer than we are now.

That could mean anything.

And sitting here next to him on his couch, alone in his apartment, with the hour slipping later and later, you’re not sure your brain is capable of taking it platonically.

“What sort of thing?”

He carefully inches closer to you on the couch, placing a hand behind you and leaning in just that little bit more. With absolutely no warning, he leans into you and places a small kiss on your cheek.

"This probably feels random, but I've liked you since I met you, so it's not really random at all."

Your lungs fill slowly and then you shakily exhale, watching him carefully. Thoughts swim behind your eyes, thoughts Seungmin would give anything to read.

"What about your ex?" you ask quietly.

"My ex was a controlling, emotionally manipulative, dishonest bitch. You're nothing like her," he assures you. "You're human."

"Seungmin," he manages to pull a small, breathless chuckle from your lungs.

You hold your breath after saying his name, fighting the part of you that wants to fall head first into whatever this could end up being. "You just broke up. And yeah she was a controlling, emotionally manipulative, dishonest bitch, but...you just broke up."

"Two whole weeks ago, what's your point?"

He gives you a simple, devastatingly beautiful smirk and tilts his head so you have no choice but to notice how undeniably adorable his bangs are flopping over his eyes like that.

"The point is you're still healing."

“You broke up with your ex three years ago and you’re still healing,” he says softly, brushing his fingers against your hand. There’s something shimmering in his eyes, a flicker of emotion threatening to spill over. “I don’t want to wait until I’m fully okay, because honestly? I don’t know if I ever will be. But with you...it feels like maybe I’m getting there.”

His honesty cleaves through your logic like a blade. You’ve always told yourself not to start something new as a way to patch over the past. Love born out of pain can’t be stable. It can’t be lasting.

“You know I can’t fix everything,” you murmur.

“I know,” he says without hesitation. “But maybe we could help each other feel less broken. You see me, and I feel like I see you too.” He gently takes your hand, watching your face for permission before wrapping his fingers around yours. “I promise I’ll treat you with respect. I’ll make you laugh when you need it. I’ll sit with you when you cry. I want to take care of you, ___. Please let me.”

His words tug at every frayed edge inside you. The vulnerability in his voice, the softness of his grip, the way he looks at you like you’re something precious - it all threatens to undo you.

You knew, eventually, you’d have to face this moment. Life doesn’t stop after heartbreak, and love doesn’t wait for perfect timing. But you never imagined someone like Seungmin would be the one holding out his hand. He’s smart, emotionally present, endlessly kind, almost too perfect.

But there’s something unspoken in his offer. If you let him hold you, you’ll hold him too. He’s not just a salve for your past. He’s bleeding from his own wounds, and somehow, in each other, there’s a strange sort of comfort that feels right, even if it’s not forever.

Maybe this won’t last. But Seungmin is here now. And while timing might be cruel, he’s not.

"I…"

He's patient, eyes glued to you, wide and waiting.

"...I'd really like that," as soon as you say it, you can't help but smile. "Take care of me, Seungmin. And I'll take care of you too."

He mimics your smile, sighing deeply when you fall forward over his shoulders. His hug is a warm, safe place, and when his arms wrap around your middle, they're a strong fortress for the weak walls of your heart.

His lips press to your ear and he whispers to you with the most sincerity you've ever heard from anyone, "I promise I'll protect you from whatever, ___. Lean on me and I'll hold you as tightly as you need me to, okay?"

"Okay."

Never once did either of you mention the titles boyfriend or girlfriend. And much to your initial relief, Seungmin hasn't been acting as if you own the titles. Although he is more openly attentive and he's gotten more physically affectionate, he hasn't shown you off or gone around telling everyone about your new relationship dynamic. Which is nice.

You feel much more at ease knowing Seungmin is okay with you hanging around. He's pulled you next to him on more than one occasion, commented on your modeling as more than just your producer, and it's become a regular expectation to eat together almost every day.

Outside of the public eye, the two of you are pretty much the same as before except you spend a surprising amount of time at Seungmin's apartment. You've gotten comfortable napping on his couch - he never lets you sleep in his bedroom. As much as he insists he's over his ex, little things remind you he's not completely okay. He also keeps your favorite snacks in bulk in his pantry and a spare change of your clothes in the top drawer of his dresser.

On the other hand, it's been a few weeks since you started…whatever you started together. It does bother you somewhat that there's no title for your relationship. You're used to being tied to the other person by either a title or at least some kind of label.

Suppose the absence of a title is significantly less stressful. You both know that neither of you are seeing other people in the meantime. That's what matters.

And while the emotional comfort is nice, you wonder why he hasn't attempted any more romantic affiliation when you know it's a core love language for him. Is it because of your lack of a girlfriend title or does he really only see this as a way to comfort himself since his last relationship ended so suddenly?

You're not materialistic and you're not a hoe. But…it's confusing how much it feels like you're in a romantic relationship, just without the romance.

He doesn't really like you as much as he said. Shut up.

He doesn't think you're sexy. Shut up.

You're not as pretty as his ex, that's why. Shut up!

Hyunjin greets you when you step inside the building, a welcoming grin and his trademark jazz hands.

"Babe! You're early today!"

"Early bird catches the worm, right? Is Seungmin here yet?"

"He was," Hyunjin says while watching the front doors. "I think he went on a coffee run or something. At least, I asked him to bring me back a vanilla latte when I saw him leaving."

You reply simply and nod, not too much worry on the surface of your casual expression. Hyunjin sits you down and starts on your makeup while you discreetly send Seungmin a good morning text.

You're almost done being prepped for the photoshoot when the front doors part and in walks your producer with a single cup of coffee in his hand.

He enters in slow motion, checking his Rolex like the flex that it is and running tempting fingers through his silky hair. His suit is pressed and dark and makes him look built and powerful. The sheer authority he exudes is unfairly sexy, every step he takes being your new favorite because it's bringing him that much closer to where you are.

It’s taken you three years being single and three months of being Seungmin’s model, but you’re finally to the point where you feel ready for something really serious. And you want that something serious with Seungmin.

"Hi guys," he greets with a confident nod and hands Hyunjin his coffee.

"Bless you, Kim Seungmin," the stylist gawks. He takes a sip and you swear he would fall on his knees for Seungmin if he asked.

"___, I need to talk to you before you leave. When the shoot is over, will you come into my office?"

"Of course," you have no reason to refuse him.

The shoot goes well. All the usual things you expect, bright lights, a flashing camera, Hyunjin flirting with the camera guy. You've become rather comfortable being here like this. Several issues of the latest magazine have been published and, as weird as it is to think about, you appear on several pages. As far as you understand, the magazine has been well accepted and local department store sales have increased at a satisfying rate.

It doesn't take long to finish today. Thankfully, you only had four changes and very minor makeup touch ups throughout. Hyunjin finished his coffee about half way through and grew continually more grumpy as the shoot went on, but it was humorous. You know he could never hurt a fly but the way he talks big game is entertaining for sure.

As everyone wraps up the day, you finish changing back into street clothes and make your way to Seungmin's main office.

Knock knock~

“Come in,” you hear him through the wood and peek your head inside. He smiles when he sees you and immediately stands to usher you past the threshold. “___, hey, are you done for the day?"

"Mhm. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Come on in, please. I need to discuss your contract with you.”

This is producer Seungmin. He’s in work mode right now. So, you decide to hold onto your work persona for a few more minutes.

"Right. What do you need from me?" You take your place in front of his desk while Seungmin sits back down, folding his hands politely and looking up at you.

"Your seasonal position as our winter model will end come the 31st of this month. The company will move its focus to summer and we'll start interviewing and hiring models for the summer line." He pauses, waiting to see if you already can tell where he's going with this. "I know you said before that you wouldn't consider being a summer model, but now that you've been here for some time, I thought it couldn't hurt to ask you again. ___, what would you say if I offered you a full time position?"

"For the summer?" you clarify.

"For until you decide you don't want to model anymore,” he says with much anticipation. “Full time means this would be your primary job. You'd get a pay raise and more photoshoots on your calendar, not to mention you would have access to company benefits, so a personal nutritionist and dietary specialist, gym membership, paid days off, discounts, a retirement fund."

You slowly nod, the list ever growing in your mind, and while they’re all great things, so far none of that stuff can beat down your anxiety about modeling for a summer wardrobe.

"That's a lot of benefits."

He drinks in your body language and translates your need for reassurance. Of course, he's more than willing to be that for you.

Seungmin quickly moves around his desk and comes to you, gently taking your hands and interlocking your fingers. The distance between your bodies shrinks until he's so close you fear he can hear your heartbeat picking up pace. The Work Seungmin mask falls to the ground as he watches your face, eyes bouncing from your hair to your lips and back to your eyes.

"If you don't take the job, our relationship won't change,” he whispers to you, “so don't worry about that. I'm offering you this position as your producer, because I honestly believe you're an amazing worker and model.”

"Really?"

"Yes. And the public loves you too by the way,” he adds as a final attempt to entice you. “But if you don’t want to, just say so. It's your choice. I won’t be mad, I promise."

The fact that he made that promise without any implication from you that that’s what you were afraid of gives you the surety to say what’s on your mind. Your heart beats a thousand times per second, being this close to him, sharing the same air, meeting his gaze, feeling secure holding his hands. If you weren’t so caught up in his proposition, you could very easily find yourself caught up in his ambiance.

"I just don't feel comfortable doing the summer line. I'm sorry."

"That’s okay,” he immediately responds, nodding along with you and smiling in spite of your no doubt disappointing answer. “Thanks for being willing to model the New Year line. You were amazing and perfect."

"Thank you for the opportunity." You step back to bow very respectfully.

He tries to keep a straight face, but you're just so damn adorable to him and he doesn't have the will or resolve to keep his adoration for you to himself.

"Now that all the professional mess is out of the way," he sings, "I have something very important to tell you."

"What is it?"

A shy smile starts creeping across his lips and he slowly sneaks his hands to your waist to pull you close again. He doesn't blush often, but when he does it's beyond adorable and you feel like taking a polaroid so you can capture and keep it forever.

"I missed you today," he confesses. "Like a lot. So much I thought I might die."

That's it? That's his something important? It flatters you to the point of losing your breath. And it's not even his words that have your lungs spasming and your toes curling in on themselves.

Seungmin has complete disregard for the outside world. Right here, right now, it's just you and him. Everything else is inconsequential.

His palms slide smoothly up the curve of your waist. They slip to your lower back, mapping your measurements and committing them to memory as they go. The second he has the opportunity, he jerks you forward, your chest colliding with his body and forcing you to stumble into him.

Looking into his eyes now, your hands clutching at his chest in tight fists for balance, you hear his heartbeat. Rapid and unsteady, pounding beneath your palms.

"I missed you too." Your whispered confession only proves to make his heart beat that much louder. "Actually, I need to talk to you about something too. Can we have dinner at your place or mine?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you quickly assure him. "I just...have something on my mind and wanna talk to you about it."

He seems slightly nervous, which is understandable. But nevertheless, Seungmin nods and agrees to have dinner at his place tonight. He even offers to pick up your favorite sushi on the way home, a gentleman's gesture as if to say he's not worried about your upcoming conversation.

But maybe he should be. You're not exactly sure how this is gonna go.

"What did you do?" you immediately ask when you step into his humble abode, the scent of lemon and pine filling your nostrils.

He chuckles shamelessly, "What are you talking about?"

"It's so...clean."

Cleaner than you've ever seen his place before. Even last weekend it wasn't this nice. Not to say that Seungmin is a slob, actually the opposite is true. But ever since he broke up with his ex, his apartment seemed to be taking most of the hit in terms of hygiene.

But now. Wow.

"You know you didn't have to clean for me."

"I know. I cleaned for me, well, for both of us," he shrugs. "Besides, it's nice to have a clean apartment again. Feels like things are back to normal finally."

Seungmin follows you into the kitchen where you begin handing out plates and cups for dinner. He rubs a shy hand over his neck and mocks his earlier shameless chuckle.

"I'm feeling a lot better in general," he says simply. His eyes on your profile suggest you're the reason why, but he leaves that comment silent, hoping you'll jump in with similar feelings toward him.

"I'm really happy to hear that!" You offer him a gentle smile and make him carry half the sushi to the living room where you'll eat together. "Come on, let's eat. I'm starving."

Conversations with Seungmin are easy. Words spill from your lips without hesitation, and he listens like every syllable matters. Even when your cheeks are puffed out with dragon sushi rolls and soy sauce, there's an effortless comfort between you—one you haven't found with anyone else.

That has to mean something, doesn’t it? The longer you delay bringing up what you came here to say, the more tempting it becomes to just stay in this limbo—hovering between friends and something more. But as Seungmin nearly chokes on his fried rice from one of your offhand sarcastic remarks, doubling over with laughter, you realize something: no, this isn’t enough anymore. You don’t want to hover in the in-between. You want more. You’re ready for more.

After the meal, Seungmin moves to clean up, and you take a deep breath, rising from your seat with your plate in hand.

“So, about what I wanted to talk ab—Oh!” you laugh as Seungmin spins around and bumps right into you at the kitchen threshold.

“Sorry,” you both say at once, your chuckles overlapping.

The two of you go back and forth, side to side, trying to avoid a collision but you're too in sync. Every time you move left, so does he. So you move right, and so does he.

"Wanna dance?" he jests, making you smile again.

"I'd love to."

It was a joke. You were playing along as one does when awkwardness threatens to rear its ugly head. It was supposed to be a passing reply and then you continued on to the kitchen to help wash dishes.

So, imagine your surprise when Seungmin suddenly snatches the dishes from your hands only to toss them aside.

"M'lady," he bows.

"Huh?"

But he just laughs and sweeps you into his arms, one hand clutched in yours and the other wrapped around your lower back. His feet begin gliding across the kitchen tile and you have no choice but to follow his lead. With a gasp, you grip his shoulder with your other hand and hang on for dear life.

You're very much out of your comfort zone here, but you don't have the will to stop this, not when Seungmin looks so domestically happy.

While you're struggling not to fall flat on your face, Seungmin is laughing. Precious, beautiful giggles like specks of golden music filling the space and landing softly against your ears.

You step on his foot more than once but he doesn't say anything, despite your relentless apologizing. Dancing has never been your strong suit, but somehow Seungmin makes it enjoyable. Because he doesn't dance well either.

There's no music, but that doesn't deter Seungmin. He fills the silence with soft la la la's and ba da da's to guide your terrible rhythm. And no matter how stiff or how unconventional your dance moves, he doesn't take his eyes off your ever growing smile. That smile of yours...that's his victory.

He dances you towards the living room, getting faster and faster despite your inability to keep up with him. You gasp again when he suddenly spins you around only to bring you back to himself. His hands catch you by the waist and your world comes to a sudden halt. Instinctively, you grip his shirt as a lifeline when your chests collide, lost for breath, but so is he.

Everything is still for a moment. The funny part is that you don't even realize you're biting your lip in concentration. But damn, Seungmin does.

"You're a terrible dancer."

His comment breaks your daze. "So are you."

But your lack of skill must not mean too much considering his hips begin to sway naturally, enticing you to do the same. Soon enough, you're relaxing into a slow dance, one much easier to follow than whatever polka waltz quick step chaos you were swept into before. There's still a lack of music, but neither of you seem bothered by it.

You sigh, finally able to catch your breath. He holds onto you as if he'll always be here, and you're tempted to start believing in something totally reckless.

"So," Seungmin mutters gently through the hypnotic atmosphere intruding on your minds and hearts, "what do you need to talk to me about?"

Does he know? Can he read your mind? His smirk suggests he can.

"Umm, well, it's something I've been thinking about lately...about us," you start with fluttering eyelids.

"You have my complete and utter attention." Anyone can look at the focus in his eyes and tell he's being terrifyingly honest.

Rolling your lips, you prepare the rapid beating muscle in your chest for the rollercoaster you're willingly climbing into.

But as hard as you may try to be concise, everything tumbles out as an incoherent stutter due to nervousness and the admiring look in Seungmin's gaze. "I think that…well, I know that I really like you and having you with me like this is really amazing, but...I feel like we've been dancing around something for a while and--at least I've been and...I'm scared but also I don't want to ignore it anymore."

He smiles at you, innocent and ignorant. "What's that?"

You bravely peck his lips suddenly and he freezes, stunned completely motionless.

"The lack of romance in our romantic relationship. I mean, maybe I misunderstood what you meant when you said you wanted us to take care of each other and you didn't want a romantic relationship at all, but if I'm not wrong then I really really want--"

His lips are on you in an instant, a deep inhale through his nose to bring you as close as physically possible and take in every part of you he can in a single moment. Pulling you impossibly close to himself, it doesn't take much encouragement to get your arms around his shoulders.

He holds you steady there, supporting your body while his kiss makes a mess of your unsuspecting lips, milking every moment he can for everything it's worth because he's kissing you...finally.

Not that he means to compare you, because it's impossible to measure how much you mean to him against anyone or anything else, but damn, the way you make his heart feel so full after it's been so emptied. Just the fact that you initiated this by kissing him first and the delicate, shy way you kiss him back--it feels as though you want him to kiss you, as opposed to tolerating his affection, and that is so special to him for so many reasons.

When you decide to take a peak, you see his brow furrowed in intense concentration as his lips move professionally against your own. And when you push into his kiss, gripping his biceps to hang onto him, his expression reflects the absolute euphoria you instill in his bones, eyelids fluttering while closed tightly. Enamored by your wonderful person and ability to make him feel so strong yet so weak at the same time, Seungmin can't help but want you in every way possible.

Your eyes float shut, completely encased in the feeling of his arms picking you up and supporting under your legs. You're sitting on clouds.

Your kiss is separated only for a moment when Seungmin lowers onto the couch and proceeds to set you onto his lap, knees straddling him familiarly.

He sighs when your body relaxes into him, chest on chest, your cute little ass on his thighs. He never thought to appreciate the tremors of warmth one gets from supporting someone else's weight on their body but now, he's committed it to memory. He's slowly committing you to memory.

You haven't made out with anyone in three years but so far everything is basically the same. Desperate clinging of hands on hips and shoulders, sighs against kisses, nearly invisible smiles sneaked in-between delicate whispers of names and wishes.

"I've wanted to kiss you for so long…"

"Why didn't you?”

“I don't know. I'm an idiot.”

"Your voice changed." You didn't mean to point it out, the words just spilled as you took in every detail of his being.

With lips still ghosting and bodies nearly floating, he smiles as if he's already aware that his voice dropped four octaves and it sends shivers down your spine.

"Is it a good change? You like it when my voice drops like this?"

You nod, pecking at his top lip to lead your two mouths back into a smooth rhythm. Like a dance you've been doing for years, you fall back into a comfortable pace.

"That's just what you do to me, ___. You're just amazing."

It's not his fault. It's yours. Because you're so goddamn irresistible to him and he can't help his human need to feel skin on skin, even if it's just his fingertips. His head gets high off the drug in your kiss, so his heart is all that's left to call the shots. And his heart has a direct line to his hands, they go where they feel you should be held.

You jerk when his palms slide under your top, onto the bare skin of your ribs. It doesn't matter how gentle he is, how soft his hands are, or how special his intentions. You can't help but squirm.

"Sorry," you immediately apologize when the kiss is forced to a premature stop, sighing in frustration at yourself.

His hands have already removed themselves, hovering over your body now. "No, I should have asked before I just stuck my hands under your shirt like that. I'm the one who's sorry."

"I just...I should say something."

"Okay, say whatever you need to, baby."

"This is the most romantic we've been since we became...okay, that's the thing. We promised to protect each other, but what does that mean?"

He flashes you a confused but willing smile. "What exactly are you asking me for?"

You swallow, fingers fidgeting with the loose strings of his sweatpants. With attempted courage, you look into his eyes and say, "A title."

There you said it. Good god, you're terrified. The last time you held a title, it was mistreated beyond forgiveness. And yet here you are, asking for it once again. While some may say you haven't learned anything, this is actually you proving it is possible to come out of a difficult and painful trauma stronger and more sure of what you deserve. Because this time you're asking for it from someone strong but gentle. Powerful but compassionate.

"But you're already my girlfriend."

"I am?"

He blinks at you. "Of course, you are. We've been dating for weeks now, ___, wasn't that obvious?"

You shrug, embarrassed. "We never said the words girlfriend and boyfriend, so I didn't know. I'm sorry."

He nods, gently stroking the hair beside your ear. "You don't need to be sorry. This is just the kind of stuff you learn about each other when you're in a relationship. I'll work on being more direct about stuff from now on, okay?"

His words relax you a bit, your legs falling lax across his lap and your hips rolling comfortably over his hips.

Up until this point, Seungmin has attempted to keep himself to himself, for the sake of your comfort of course. He knows you get nervous about that kind of stuff and he wants to respect you more than anything because he feels like your ex never did. You're such a special person to him, more so than he's willingly admitted, and while you may not be aware of the mental battle he fights, you must be aware of how desperate he is for you.

"Okay. Umm, Seungmin?"

"Yeah?" he responds casually, still allowing you to sit prettily on his lap.

"What do I need to work on?"

He taps his chin and hums thoughtfully. "Taking initiative maybe? You're brave, I know you are, so go after what you want. Whether that's taking up some random stranger's offer to be a model--" you chuckle when he winks at you, "--or calling out your coworker for dumping their workload on you all the time. You know you deserve better, so you just need to trust yourself."

"Trust myself," you repeat quietly, "go after what I want…"

You lean forward to kiss him again, small fingers spread across his cheeks and jawline, guiding him into a sensual and tasteful rhythm. Only this time, your body rocks in time with your lips and your tongue flicks over his bottom lip, as if to tease desire into his heart and soul.

He instantly reacts to taste you fully. It's hard not to smile when he parts his lips for you and releases an involuntary whine. It does loads for your confidence though, giving you that extra something needed to run your fingers through his hair.

He's hesitating. Even though you initiated this, he's the one holding back. You can feel his fingers fidgeting with the edge of your sweater, slowly dipping beneath to feel your skin and then quickly pulling the fabric back down again.

"___, we don't have to do anything you don't want to," he pulls away from your lips to say, "please don't feel like you have to do anything just because I advised you to take more initiative."

"I'm trusting myself and I trust you. I'm going to go after what I want. I want this. I want you, Kim Seungmin."

“You want me?”

“So much.”

You have to be aware by now of Seungmin's desire to protect those he loves. It's a part of his natural person, his overall character. The fact that you feel not only safe with him but that you're willing to expose your heart and body to him in this way means more to him than you realize at this moment.

"Should we take this to the bedroom then?"

"Your bedroom?" You're not necessarily nervous to be taking this step, you're more so surprised since Seungmin usually makes you avoid that space. "Are you sure?"

Instead of answering, Seungmin scoops his hands under your thighs and stands up, bringing you along with him.

As he walks to the back, you feel a sudden sense of wonder. He's so wonderful. The way he smiles so genuinely at you, the way he gently sits you on the bed, the way he kisses your forehead as he guides you to strip and lay down beneath him.

He sighs at the feeling, allowing you to hold him as close as you wish, resting some of his weight onto you and filling himself with your scent and taste until all that's left is you. You and your beautifully addictive essence.

As you kiss the eagerness between your bodies grows. Seungmin strips, giving you the first look at his body and how mesmerizingly gorgeous he is.

He places a small pillow underneath your lower back and one behind your head, brushing your hair from your face and leaving a few grateful and sensual kisses to your temple.

"Ready?" he asks, already completely breathless.

"Yes, please," you reply with another kiss to his face, combing your fingers into his hair and brushing back his bangs so you can see that beautiful forehead.

But he doesn't move. He hovers over you there, feeling the urge to finally have you, but he can't make himself rock forward.

"Sorry," he tries to play it off with a chuckle and takes another deep breath. "Okay, here we go."

You gasp, subconsciously spreading your thighs and closing your eyes as you drink in the feeling of his intimacy.

But he doesn't move.

"Damn it, I'm sorry," he sighs, rolling to his back beside you, heels of his palms pressed to his eyes.

Confused, with your body suddenly exposed and abandoned, your limbs curl in on themselves.

His head shakes back and forth, frustrated and haunted by the disturbing sound of her voice echoing throughout his thoughts.

"Seungmin?" You carefully roll to your side, legs closing and body cold without his warmth and weight over you. "What's wrong?"

His arms drop to the sheets, punching the mattress in utter distress as a stray tear slides it's way down the side of his face. Your entire chest sinks into your stomach.

"I can't get her out of my head."

Somehow you know immediately who her is.

"You're thinking about your ex while in bed with me?"

"No!" he instantly corrects you, rolling to face you on his side too. "No, not like that at all."

"Then what's wrong?"

Remembering his promise to be more direct, Seungmin takes a moment to catch his breath, sitting up against the headboard.

"The truth is I dumped my ex after I found out she cheated on me."

"Oh no…"

This is news. You were under the impression he dumped her because she was mean or, as Seungmin said before, she wasn't the one. Kneeling beside him on the bed now, a gentle hand reaching out to hold his fingers, you let him confess what he's kept from you up until this point, judgment free.

"Apparently, my ex cheated because I didn't, umm, I couldn't satisfy her. And now I'm really worried that..." His fingers fold around your hand but it's not lovingly. He's scared.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I was embarrassed." He shrugs, eyes finding yours again but they're past the point of misty. "I thought I could get over it myself because in my heart I knew it didn't have anything to do with me. She was just a cruel, unloyal bitch." His expression breaks, lips turned downward and head falling back like a thousand pounds. "But she still got to me and now I've ruined our first time together because I can't get her words out of my head."

You were haunted by the damage your ex left on your soul and heart for three years. Seungmin has barely had three months to heal from the wounds his ex left behind. And while some may measure his wounds against others and judge him for not being able to get back on his feet himself, you know it's not that simple. When someone you trusted, someone you thought cared shows their true, ugly colors to you, it's a sight you carry with you no matter how heavy and uncomfortable the baggage. Not because you want to, god no. But because they left their red string of lies around your wrists and it's tied to whatever weight they decided to drop off the cliff.

Even with his eyes closed, Seungmin senses the shift in weight as you climb over his lap, arms slipping around his neck. Your entire body encases him in a hug and he folds his arms around you too. Nothing suggestive, nothing enticing, just a hug to hold one another while the lies from your pasts simmer away.

"I'm not sure exactly how to say this because I've never said it before but," you slowly pull away to look in his eyes, thumbs brushing beneath his eyes as you gently tell him, "you are the greatest man I've ever met in my entire life."

This manages to make him chuckle. He swallows his last few tears and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay. Thanks."

"I mean it! Fuck your ex. Don't really because you should do me instead, but forget about her. She doesn't deserve any part of you. Not your heart, not your attention, not your embarrassment, and certainly not your affection. You've already made me feel so good, baby, my body is literally shaking in anticipation for what you can do to me." You leave small pecks and butterfly kisses down his neck and across his collarbone, silently instructing him to sit back as you work your way down.

His chest starts to rise and fall again, his breath glitching when your mouth grazes across his skin.

"You're absolutely amazing, every inch of you."

And with every kiss, your lips cut through all that useless red string and all that weight, all those lies she used to crush his spirit just to make her black heart look less repulsive, it all disappears.

And then he just can't keep it inside anymore. When you return to his lips, it spills out, like a broken dam, or in your opinion, a beautiful waterfall.

"I'm so in love with you, ___. Desperately in love with you.”

It's not weird. It's not awkward. It's not out of place at all. It makes sense. It makes perfect, euphoric sense.

"I'm in love with you too, Seungmin."

“Please don't leave tonight."

You smile, resting your forehead on his shoulder as your body and heart attempts to process everything that's happening.

"I don't want to leave."

"Good."

It's strange. These are the kind of moments you read about in stories or see in movies. The guy isn't ever really voluntarily this caring, is he?

Well, at least you can say with certainty, Seungmin is.

"What do you think would have happened if my blind date hadn't stood me up that day?" you ask out of curiosity.

Seungmin pauses. "I don't know," he replies, scooting you closer, practically disappearing inside his safe, warm, and loving embrace. "I'm glad he did though. I owe everything to that guy."

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