strawberryblacktea25

[strawberryblacktea25]

Saying Helen is a passive female character is insane when she literally comes to Aphrodite with the absolute steel chair of “dear lord why are you here now? What? you’re gonna drag me along to a different city cause you have another boytoy there? How bout you give up being a goddess and let Paris wife you up or enslave you instead?”

Then when a literal goddess threatens to kill her for that goes to Paris and just says “it would be better if you died out there”.

[strawberryblacktea25]

shoutout to @strawberryblacktea25 for collabing on this disaster of a picmix with me 💀✌️

[strawberryblacktea25]

hand in unlovable hand

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God someone please draw it

[strawberryblacktea25]

Trojan War Musical Jukebox Musical?

***Copyright laws did not exist in antiquity for mythology so they don't exist for a retelling of it today as well***

Jokes aside, ok no imagine this - A retelling of one of the most well known stories, originally sang, reusing songs from previous musicals. Fascinating concept already. I would change the lyrics of some of the songs to make it fit better with the Trojan cycle.

Ok Ok Ok Helen right? Give her and Clytemnestra Defying Gravity. Helen/Elphaba and Clytemnestra/Glinda. Sung the moment Helen flees with Paris to Troy (bonus points for having Paris just kinda sitting in the background like "ok girl sing your heart out our whatever; WE GOTTA GO").

Helen is talking about how she wants to leave the stifling life of a woman in Greece. She "chose" her husband when she was so young; how could anyone expect a child to make such a decision that will effect the rest of her life forever (a little bit like college these days huh)? She just kinda picks and doesn't realize fully what she just trapped herself in. She- a daughter of Zeus- is nothing more than a trophy wife; a vessel for children. She sees her brothers (one praised for also being a son of Zeus!!!) go and have adventures on the Argo. She wants that; She craves that glory and adventure too. But she can't have it. Why? She was cursed to be born with tits and a womb I guess.

She never wanted to be a mom. She wants to see the world; earn a name for herself. Her husband does not think she should. I'm not going to make Menelaus this comically evil abusive husband. He's not a "bad husband" but he's still entrenched in the patriarchy of the culture. He's very traditional and expects his wife to behave the same. He has power, she is the beauty (the MOST beautiful actually), she is the one who produces the heirs. He, like her own sister and the rest of society, try to gaslight her into staying put and looking pretty (those are deemed her "true" powers; not fighting or adventuring or whatever) Like, when they have Hermione, I don't imagine Menelaus "being upset they had a daughter instead of a son" type of gross. Instead he would be like "ah cool we now of a resource to marry off and increase our political power!" type. He's not abusive but he ain't progressive yaknow?

Enter Paris. Bro is the adventuring type. Loves exploring. I mean he was a shepherd/farmer who magically discovers he's royalty and is flung from the rural land to urban Troy. He even met some gods once (Ares first who gave him a positive vibe check and then three goddesses); man's the stereotypical hero (with no divine blood!). Imagine like charisma stat maxed out (probably had to pick it up for survival too). He is sent by Priam on a convoy for whatever reason to Sparta cause of it.

He was promised by the gods power, love, or military prowess. Since he was literally a Shepherd at the time he picks the wife. Problem is, it isn't immediate. He thinks he's a little cheated and finds it ironic how he practically gets the power point first. The enter Helen.

They fall head over heels for each other. It isn't immediate but they get to talk on the convoy mission since the head of the house is out on like a lass minute thing off somewhere else. The two vibe and get along. Helen loves hearing about his life/adventures and expresses wanting to do the same. He would love to have a permanent partner by his side doing so.

Then she wants to leave with him (defy gravity if you will... she is the daughter of the literal sky king after all). Let's say Clytemnestra is there cause while Menelaus is away, she wants to give her sister company and not be alone. Clytemnestra, at this point, is very entrenched in what society expects of her. Despite not being the one with divine blood in the family, she married a powerful man, is fertile (had three kids so far!!), and avidly looks forward to fulfill her duties as mother (like giving her daughter away for marriage :D). That last part makes the "I hope you are happy and don't regret your decisions bit" SOOOO extra fun.

Anyway before leaving the sisters talk. Helen tries to convince her sister to come and free herself, Clytemnestra is like "no you have delusions of grandeur". They would probably also talk about their kids. I am having Helen leaving Hermoine behind. Again, she never wanted to be a mother and was practically forced to have a kid. Part of why she is leaving is cause she knows she'll be expected to have another. Helen wants to leave all of her previous life with Menelaus behind. Also, raising a kid while traveling (which BTW unfortunately does not happen much cause the Greeks effectively surround Troy for ten years... again "hope you won't regret it") is not ideal. Helen does not wish harm on the kid, probably asks Clytemnestra to take care of her.

Anyway, Helen is done "accepting limits" and tells her sister if she "cares to find her, look to the EASTERN sky". She knows the society in Greece would not accept her and try to "ground" her. They will debase and defame her, calling her "wicked" for her rebellion. In fact, at the end, the guards start running toward the ship screaming exactly that. Now, I'm not imagining Troy as being this feminist safe haven, there definitely will be people there as well who will label Helen a whore or whatever. But I do imagine the culture there being a little bit more accepting to the idea of a woman having the autonomy and authority to make their own decisions (something that seems very threatening to Greece). Most of the Trojans end up being sympathetic to her plight (though maybe less as the war drags on).

Crazy idea right? Now I want to see everyone's face when Achilles drops the first line of Candy Store to Agamemnon. (Achilles is very Heather Chandler coded don't get me started)

[strawberryblacktea25]

Tumblr pregaming the anniversary of Julius Caesar getting stabbed thousands of years ago is one of the most Tumblr thing that could ever happen

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VOTE CLYTEMNESTRA

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got tagged by @corvids-corner to do the [your name]core aesthetic pinterest thing :)

If you see this you can do it

[strawberryblacktea25]

Ooo and Agamemnon is the landlord of the apartment complex or whatever. Achilles and Patroclus are two college students renting (there’s always noise complaints cause Achilles never turns down his fucking music). Odysseus is the tired Professor living there. Nestor is the raging old man down the hall.

ok so modern sitcom where Helen, Paris, and, Menelaus are all roommates in New York or something. What would be better… they all end up in a Polyamorous relationship (the end) or it starts with that and then Helen cucks both of them for Cassandra (The guys then are like fuck it and remain gay)

Either way Agamemnon still ends up dead in like the final episode

[strawberryblacktea25]

ok so modern sitcom where Helen, Paris, and, Menelaus are all roommates in New York or something. What would be better… they all end up in a Polyamorous relationship (the end) or it starts with that and then Helen cucks both of them for Cassandra (The guys then are like fuck it and remain gay)

Either way Agamemnon still ends up dead in like the final episode

[strawberryblacktea25]

Fire Emblem Engage but the rings also act as “what would Jesus do” type accessories.

“What would Marth do?”

[strawberryblacktea25]

The fact that most translations and commentaries I’ve read says that

alius Latio iam partus Achilles, natus et ipse dea

Now/already another Achilles has been born [Latio], and he too is the son of a godess

refers only to Turnus really downgrades the ambiguity in this statement. Because Latio could mean in Latium, in which case it’s Turnus. But it could also mean for/on behalf of Latium. And it’s Aeneas who’s been consistently called the son of a goddess and who will take Achilles’ place at the end when he essentially recreates the Trojan War in Italy. 

This is the ambiguity of prophecy where it refers to two people at once. It’s not just Turnus because, in the end, Turnus isn’t the inheritor of Achilles. Aeneas is.

[strawberryblacktea25]

Being a major in what your hyper fixate in is funny cause you have to restrain yourself from happy stimming on syllabus day

[strawberryblacktea25]

Someone redesign Greek mythological heroes with the same level of camp and color as Fire Emblem engage PLEASE

[strawberryblacktea25]

The best joke told in the Iliad is Agamemnon thinking he can convince Achilles to stop hating him by offering to become his father-in-law.

[strawberryblacktea25]

Listen, Achilles could do Heathers and Heather Chandler probably could do the Iliad too

[strawberryblacktea25]

You ever think about how funny it is that Achilles taught Zagreus how to fight but this dude can just clear the underworld with a glock?

What will win:

the knowledge of the greatest Greek warrior

or

pew pew machine