strobarium

[strobarium]

big on dramatic ambient d&b-esque fast goodness? come with me...

FreQuency - Someone Is Always Moving On the Surface (llwll Remix) is one of my favorite songs. ever.

i find it immensely comforting regarding the overall sound of it but also regarding the chord progression. a lot of dark stuff (dark like dimly lit vs. dark like disturbing) really makes me nostalgic (the Silent Hill 2 soundtrack comes to mind as well) for i ...

i think like, video games? i can't even pin what exactly i'm reminded of but it's so very familiar. i made this a "come with me" post but i can't properly land what this song reminds me of other than like vague memories watching my older 2 siblings play edgy shit on the PlayStation 2.

its not all that surprising to me that the chord progression comforts the hell out of me but i guess i'm forever kinda fascinated by that.

the song just generally kicks ass, too. highly recommend. ~ A_DX

[strobarium]

aster rambles on about "LSD Dream Emulator"

this is a biggun, mandatory read-more below! sheesh!

have you ever heard of the former video-game streamer, azuritereaction?

he was a kinda lower-key figure in YouTube's let's play scene around 10+ years ago, but he made hella rounds being one of the first people to play this, really mysterious japan-only interactive experience for the PlayStation,

"LSD Dream Emulator."

*i really miss when let's plays were like this, for the record.

even within the first part is a lot to take in, for the viewer and also for the player! poor azzy was terrified of this game the entire time he played it on and off-stream. not sure where he is now... i kinda wish he didn't describe the game like he did in around the beginning. there's a lot of details he got wrong, but it's whatever.

anyway, my first seeing this game was pretty non-chalant. i was around 9 years old, was looking for games similar to Yume Nikki (eldest sibling put me onto that), discovered this. hearing azuritereaction talk about the background of the game while the opening FMV played imprinted on me so hard.

the vids in this game are generally so damn fun to watch, i've never seen a game ever try and pull off aesthetics like LSD:DE does.

flashing images warning for the video below.

there's a lot i could focus on regarding breaking down how the game functions and works (dictating mostly just from the wiki page dedicated to LSD:DE, a lot has been uncovered and put on there) and other aspects to the game itself, but the focus of this post for the most part is for me to go on about how this game changed my mind about how art works on a fundamental level.

anyway,

i learned, art doesn't have to have meaning.

i was 9-10 when i figured that out, too! i didn't have "astroblur" as a proper project (in a preliminary, differently named form) but the drive, the motivation to create art for the sake of it was born, sprouted from what was once just me looking at yet another lets play on an earlier version of YouTube.

well, it was LSD:DE and hella of those pictures that'd come up if you googled "Abstract Wallpaper" like 10+ years ago. LSD:DE is moreso a subtle influence on my work regarding my mindset (i'd say i'm more outright inspired by Phosfiend's game "FRACT OSC") but i consider it extremely important to me figuring out that i could quite literally just do whatever, make it look cool and BAM! new art to show to people!!!

i just loved surrealism, and this game was full of it, especially considering in-game events that could occur. one of my favorites is what plays when you interact with the ferris wheel in the "HAPPYTOWN" level.

(song's called Fried Banana, by Osamu Sato. fun fact)

my relationship with visual art and penchant for interactive art was born. i to this day cite LSD:DE as a strong influence regarding my general ethos regarding just throwing cool looking shit at the screen... i really do wanna try to pull off PS1-type graphics with the 3D software i use but i think it won't be easy.

i initially kinda wanted to go on a hunt for weird art from wherever (i guess mostly Japan cause i sure was weeby even as a kid) and i to this Day dream of making an interactive artpiece like how LSD:DE is intended to be. one day ... i'm glad i'd be contributing to an already-existing pool of LSD-likes scattered throughout the interwebs. this game absolutely deserves its cult following.

speaking of, it was news to me (but still somehow not that surprising) that Mr. Sato's intent with this game was for it to be interactive art versus a video game. i heard that he got the idea for LSD:DE while playing a racing game in which he crashed. he liked the idea of the game, progressing and changing, putting you somewhere else, instead of Ending right then and there. this ties into how the game works regarding interacting with objects or the world to be teleported somewhere else (it's called "linking" in game.) LSD:DE doesn't even "end" like how video games generally do, it plays a special ending new years eve FMV and starts you right back at Day 1. there's something profound to me about having an experience like this technically never end.

so incredibly ambitious to have this idea and for it to be executed on PS1 instead of like PC... there IS a PC remake of LSD:DE by Figglewatts called LSD Revamped but that's a whole other tangent.

i'm kinda rambling on and on (i titled the post that after realizing i would just be going on about this game) but i love LSD:DE a lot. one of my favorite aspects of it is how random the game truly is-if you got a bunch of friends to play LSD:DE for like one night and then you guys regrouped a day later, all of your experiences would be pretty different regarding what you saw and how your dream generally played out. between the fact that the game doesn't really end and the RNG regarding so many aspects to how your dreams play out, i... i'm just, shocked. even beyond it being inspiring to me, LSD:DE just blows me away every time i even think about it.

i owe a lot to it.

...

yeah this is definitely just a ramble thing. LOL. i'll put it up anyway i think it's a nice read. ~ A_DX

[strobarium]

salutations!

i was going to have this be a proper post dedicated to a song, a look-back of sorts for the holidays (it is currently thanksgiving), but i wanted to take this as an oppurtunity to present that i will definitely be doing a big write-up on one of my favorite ever interactive art-pieces to ever...Exist.

i feel like if you're within target audience of this blog, you already know what's going on.

but, it's for later. gonna take a while to actually write, i have a lot to do with my like creative projs and other uhhhhh life-related things.

but it is on the way.

just stay tuned...

~ A_DX

[strobarium]

minimalist ambient, for healing

"big room" by ulla straus.

the accompanying description for this album is pretty interesting to read through.

keeping pictures on a wall left there by someone else. day dreaming about something not real. hearing a friend walk through the front door. letting a plant die. the silence of a room when the box fan is turned off.

this record sounds like a personification of "stillness" as a concept and i think that's kinda what draws me back to it. pretty cool effort to undergo if that was...the purpose? anyway,

i consider meditation important. i don't know if i do it in the same way others' do but that's fine. there is a lot to stopping to soak shit in around you, especially if you're of a nervous disposition like i feel like i have 3 different ones, sometimes. it's odd. but this should help you. or, i hope it does.

genre-stuff swings back and forth between downtempo and sort of nice airy glitchiness to really cool swelling padsynth-y stuff and other...sounds-just run it up and trust me, haha. it's across several platforms (Spotify, found a full album upload on YouTube, you can buy the whole thing on Bandcamp) so you could give it a listen. you'll probably like it best if you're trying to calm down or to study, yeah.

~ h.KSG

[strobarium]

big on low-fidelity ambient hip-hop vignettes? come with me...

"droid" by netajin.

okay, okay! i'm back. been away for a while both toiling away at trying to find some way around having stable income, and also getting my ass beat by psychosis stuff. kind of realized i might be schizoaffective versus just bipolar, ...lot of things. but i have a newfound attitude and commitment to routines that shouldn't falter. future-proofed a lot of diff things. we will see the rest.

anyway, i think i kind of want to start posting about my dreams. i've never talked about my dreams before.

wait. i've never talked about them before...

the most interesting of the 3 formulas to how mine are structured i can lay out here, for you.

not sure what to call this kind of dream i have other than noiseworlds. so i guess i can call it that. they're marked by,

scattered, chaotic but not very loud sort of gen. texture of noise. collaged together from songs, ambience, speech & other things i've heard i think in recenter contexts. there's harmonic resonance throughout or it comes and goes.

visual aspect involves a sort of slideshow-esque rapidly (yet slowly) crossfading set of images and stills from different parts of the day, or recent days. sometimes there are flashes of color or i see gradients and other color swirls come and go but there's a consistent sort of reoccurring... rainbow? effect? of some sort, on. it's subtle.

being, very actually short. the duration of the dream itself is no more than 20 seconds or so but they've been as brief as 10 seconds in the past, if i recall. but by the time i wake up, i've gotten my full 8 hours (or...less... xwx) of rest.

i'm not sure what causes this phenomenon but i feel like it is due to the sort of super-charged feeling my brain just has by default, whether or not i am classically manic. but this song reminds me a lot of it.

the noisiness to it all and the CRUNCH really gets me going. i've had it looping the entire time i've written this. i derive a lot of joy from looking into sound design and found audio and figuring out cool sampling techniques. art is FUN!!!!!!!!!! but it has always been fun, haaahaha. but i might start logging my dreams here, though. coff coff.

~h.KSG

[strobarium]

plunderphonic ambient, for healing

"dogyears" by former hero.

first off, hey. sorry for not keeping up with the blog so much! admittedly a lot went down in my personal life and i just lost footing with a lot of the stuff i like doing and generally am up to creatively and otherwise.

things are okay now.

anyway, this song i feel very strongly towards, generally speaking. something about well-utilized plunderphonic stuff is so emotionally evocative to me (always will be!) but also noting the chord progression it's... so, familiar. it reminds me of a lot, very broadly... i hope it has similar sort of, psuedo-nostalgic effects on you (the viewer!) if you do listen.

i consider this healing-tier because of the actual structure. the way the dry/wet signal for the reverb is integrated into the song, it's somehow very noticeable but it still goes to the back of your head regarding how it's executed. love it dearly.

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

modern classical, for healing

#118, by d'Eon

...i can't believe i found out about this song from a shitpost.

my very, very early years were frequently soundtracked by classical music. the more well known stuff either just from music history whatevershit or like from film scores. it imprinted on me more than i thought much as i dont really go there often. i find it peaceful, i always have. i guess i was put onto it for BRAIN REASONS or whatever the hell instead of listening to RAP MUSIC or whatever the heck, lol.

i have a lot of strong feelings for #118. i feel serene when i listen. like, nothing is wrong, i guess. it doesn't delude me into thinking i'm not struggling, but it provides me with enough strength while listening that everything i'm going through just doesn't feel as terrible and scary and huge while im just, in the space that the song creates.

the religious imagery on display also compliments everything nicely, i think, as well.

not much else to say, it's just really pleasant. would recommend if you like...classical? not sure what else to say there.

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

big on introspective, ambient downtempo? come with me...

"History" from Sonic Mega Collection (& Plus)

... FUCK. FUUUUUCKING HELL.

i don't remember the exact year i got introduced to Sonic Mega Collection Plus (the PS2 version, since that's the console that only dominated my kid years) but it was a constant force of good in my early years. being able to play that many sonic games just freely (on top of other games that werent sonic games but were by the same devs) was so fucking nice. but the menu shit was just. something else to me-they put so much care and effort into the presentation of games!!! like the journey TO playing was even a nice comfy ride! so CASH. i miss THIS sega so much. what an era. damn.

many a memory playing this shit or watching it get played either in my shared bedroom w/ my older brother or in the upstairs living room w/ mom and/or grandma watching (this sonic shit ran in the family pmuch LOL my parents n grandma got into em before we did). one of my fondest memories regarding it was my i think, longest-running active friend lyko/khaliq seeing my i think oldest sibling playing S3&K (one of the greatest. games of all time by the way) and beating it. bro saw the ending cutscene and was Flabbergasted w how cool it was, already riding off the high (that i was also riding off of) watching Doomsday Zone get played. SUPER, FUCKING HYPE. LOL. amazing shit. the collection is worth it for it having That Alone but also THERES SO MUCH COOL SHIT ON IT!

YEAH!!! ... i'm glad i can listen to this normally again.

this was one of many songs i just couldn't put on and sit through after the 2013 event happened and my life got fucked into a hole. it was exhausting and would just leave me really depressed. things are at least different now, over 10 years later, i can enjoy this n sorta feel like a kid again healthily, i guess. its nice.

reminds me of something

.

so one thing abt the PS2s we did have (there were two, two slim models), shit was just Faulty after long enough. one basically picked and choosed games it wanted to run (that or the CDs were fucked up or...idk) and the other you had to like. induce pressure on the disk drive part to get games to run properly?... it was weird.

WELL, SOMEHOW, through basic i guess DIY shit or whatever, at one point (post-2013 event) i got the fucking console working! AND I GOT SONIC MEGA COLLECTION PLUS WORKING TOO! blast from the ...actually not at all distant PAST! it was cool being in the menu again hearing the music and goin around and looking at all the extras and stuff. seeing sonic n his friends just always makes me happy.

I BOOTED UP S3&K FOR OLD TIMES SAKE CAUSE OF COURSE I DID! HYDROCITY ZONE!!! ONE OF MY FAV VIDEO GAME SONGS EVER i was having SO Much.... fun...

slow, burn. realization. i was alone.

reliving hella cool shit but it was just me. older brother was off doing whatever the hell (not like i wanted to summon him anyway he was kind of fucking just...idk), and oldest sibling was just kind of, across the fucking country so i couldnt hit them up either. the finite nature of what i considered the most joyous period of my life i wasnt prepared to interface with and it just fucking, stabbed me so gradually i didnt even notice the pain onset somehow until it was too late. fuck. regardless of me doing what i did, that part of my life was still over. trying to recapture the magic just made me ever more aware that i had lost it, i guess. it was tough.

i, shut the game off, silently, go downstairs to my moms room and just, talk to her a little about how i. got it working. i just, lay on her bed next to her and i just. i start crying. for a while. not loud sobbing just. idk. quiet weeping. idk.

...

things are different now, is what matters. lot i've recovered from, but i do still miss playing it with my siblings. shrug. life goes on i guess.

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

like...damn-near indescribable experimental extraterrestrial pop? come with me...

long-ass title...

"pvr pregnant teens // before abstract tech support schedule // dad turns 50" by tirestires

(from "shadowdog." if Los Angeles by Flying Lotus didn't exist, this would be my #1 album like, ever. i love it.)

HOOO MAN,

i just got this album SURPRISE RECOMMENDED to me by a longtime friend i havent spoken to in a while who i met from twitter. as i kinda imply in the title i have such a hard time fucking describing how it sounds to Anyone. i got sent stems (song layers, basically) for one of the songs a while back (me and the artist eventually became friends!!!) and even THAT and being LITERALLY TOLD in detail how the post-processing worked and shit just DID not clear up as much as i thought it would! it is so immense! between the way it sounds (btwn production and the fact that the lyrics are basically indecipherable except if u read the lyrics sheets and listen Very Closely), the...Weird (but lovely) cover art, the word-salad artist name & track names and the sorta lost media-y nature of it (it was on bandcamp but just Disappeared. luckily it was archived as you can see) like. its almost like fucking, aliens made it or something!!! i like this record a lot Lol theres truly nothing else like it on this earth

...ANYWAY.

this song evokes a lot of memories of (oldest sibling) hooking up their laptop to the television in the upstairs living room (i will always have an i guess strange fondness for VGA ports/cables for this reason lmfao) and showing me and my older brother stuff. specifically songs and like. cool comics and shit they'd get put onto from tumblr. (they used the website a lot before i eventually did, and have seen many parts of it i havent) was a whole new world of the internet to me at the time! i kinda cited it as deviantart-adjacent in terms of energy, so i could Kinda understand aspects to the culture but a lot of it was just very new to me. was cool. i really do miss having someone like that in my life who could put me onto stuff like that with a High success rate. would be nice to have that again. shrug.

would recommend this one for anyone into dense, maximalist sound design and a huge ear for i guess....melodic layering? yeah that sounds about right.

ALSO LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE ALBUM WHILE YOU'RE AT IT! PARDON THE FUCKING WEIRD LYRICS AND THE WEIRD TITLES I THINK THE ARTIST WAS GOING THROUGH A PHASE OF SORTS WHILE HE WAS PRODUCING THE RECORD W HIS HOMIES . WAGH . WORTH A LISTEN THOUGH IMO

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

like nocturnal downtempo? come with me...

"Dreams" by VHS LOGOS.

(from Mantra! an album I like a lot, have since I was a kid.)

i forgot WHEN i came across this artist + album, but i can at least approximate i found out during my long-lived (ongoing?) vaporwave phase that kicked off when i hit 14, and found out via a friend i havent talked to in AGES on here (tumblr.) i like this tune a lot.

taken back to times i'd be otw home with siblings and family from (locally-ran cult school) after getting grandma from work and we'd hit a specific turn which More or less meant we were going to the store. was always silly being at walmart with my mom, in pretty typical kid fashion id be like. CAN I GET (junk food shit i did not need,) and she'd basically 100% of the time be like No! because i DIDNT NEED IT! lol. but itd be nice regardless, leaving the store after night hits and feeling the cold air hit my face, going home n putting up the groceries and then ending the night either with a bit of PS2 or watching Nicktoons or something just, was nice. i kinda miss it. it doesn't help that the visual in the video somewhat reminds me of the view outside my former bedroom window at night lol. different time for sure. hmm.

but yeah this songs nice. would recommend i guess if you like sweet nighttimey downtempo stuff. also look at my comment on my old youtube account! its so old!

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

drone, for healing.

"Repose" by Hilyard.

(Name your Price on Bandcamp, available on Streaming as well)

i stumbled upon it out of nowhere, like i do a lot of things. i was going through a tough time living with my auntie in the southside of Dallas, Texas in very late 2021, and i was trying to find stuff to listen to while i worked to kinda numb the depression shit i was going through. found a big-ass drone ambient playlist on Spotify that put me onto actually quite a few songs, but most notably, Repose.

the artist set out for a very noble goal, with producing this record. i'll paste from the description:

"Repose is an ambient experiment created with the intention of aiding sleep and meditation. The music is meant to replace the space in our mind taken up by thoughts anxiety and worry. I calibrated my instrument’s tuning to 432hz, which has indeed given it a different feel. However, I cannot say with scientific or historical confidence that tuning in that way is truly more beneficial to mind body or spirit. I can say that the long-form music contained in this album easily disappears into the background along with the over active mind."

he fucking nailed it. so many times has it calmed me down from times i've ...for lack of better wording, Freaked The Fuck Out (lol), but also so many times has it sort of even, uplifted me in a sense from moments of immobilization from grief.

highly recommend for those suffering from nervous dispositions (obviously.) or to just anyone who likes drone. very nice stuff. hats off to mr. hilyard for this one.

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

aster's thoughts on "paper angel."

the first post on the strobarium! how nice. (SPOILERS AHEAD.)

(eyestraining colors ahoy, dereality-type stuff is mentioned)

youtube recommended me a video i really, really enjoy by this youtuber named Mara. it's well over an hour long and she talks a lot about her experiences with outsider art and mixed media, among other things. its worth a watch if you do like long-winded video essays about...STUFF. i guess

thats only partially relevant, though. i bring the video up because within it, she talks about the game in question today, briefly. the visuals struck a chord with me, and the seemingly abstract narrative being more or less promoted my way was very intriguing and had me interested in getting my hands on it.

you already picked up the title from the title of the post but i like using big font!

"Paper Angel," by Slitherbop.

(love that title screen, wow.)

Slitherbop, or, Slither, is a 25-year old surrealist illustrator based in Sasketchewan, Canada, from what his Neocities homepage states. he has an absolute ton of really colorful and trippy art spread out across several pages, but i feel the most of them you'd find on his tumblr page. i'd recommend looking into if you're...well i mean if you're even READING THIS you're prob into the same type shit i be on, yeah. lol. anyway,

Slither has OCs. (commonplace amongst contemporary illustrators online, if you've noticed) One of them, is the focus of the game i'm going to write a lot about.

Spinwhim! (they/them)

(god, look at them.)

taken from Slither's toyhou.se (toyhou.se is more or less an original character database tool that illustrators like to use, a lot, to log their OCs and stuff)

"Spinwhim is a powerful healer and grand storyteller. They’re very kind, outgoing, and wacky. They like to travel all around to help others. Their intense curiosity and passion makes them meddlesome. They can focus and see the world on a cellular level, which is utilized in healing and creating. Good :-)"

they, are more or less the focal point of the entire visual novel. it's a treat that they are, their design is great (much as it does change over the course of the game,) and i generally do like their demeanor and how they interact with me, the player.

speaking of the player, i don't really know who i play as! it's a blank-slate type deal. i speak very vaguely and generally i think im depicted as rather confused seeming/"out-of-it."

competent enough to prepare soup for an ill spinwhim though. OH right. plot stuff. i should get into that-

...well, actually the plot's not really super complex. you're there with spinwhim in this house within this elaborately colorful world and you're essentially nursing them back to health. its said in game you spend about a week with them.

...

i didn't even get to experience the whole week but i just. i have this incredible draw towards them.

it's not really a surprise to me that any motherly (well, or even fatherly) figure with this type of benevolent, reassuring and friendly aura just resonates with me: as i kind of allude to in the preface, i've had familial...struggles in the past and i more or less continue to, especially as it relates to how i feel about my biological parents. its complex and i don't think i could really get into it fully no matter the medium, idk.

spinwhim is just nice to experience speaking to me even if it is confined to the limitations of a RPG Maker VX Ace-created visual novel. (shoutout RPG Maker also, wow, interactive outsider art people love this program a lot i have learned LOL.) as i'm taking care of them, they note how good of a job i'm doing, and even how helpful i've been to the recovery process they're going through relating to the unknown illness they have. i'm even just complimented in general regarding my demeanor and whatnot... i really do wish they were someone i could come to for comfort like i do a fair amnt of my friends, or romantic partners. it would be nice.

what, really sealed the deal, was the twist.

after seemingly, fully recovering from their illness, they're up and at it and in a different fit than normal, to boot. they say they cleared a path to head into town (the whole duration of the game, some apparently severe snowy weather was hitting your gen. location) and that they're excited to go.

they ask me if i want to come with.

so, OF FUCKING COURSE i hit go with. lol

after expressing excitement that i actually did want to go with, they ask me to come closer.

they recount how horrible it was living the way they were, prior. that their head was "caving in" and that they were "boiling" and "lethargic." sounds pretty tough. but after that, they hit me with this revelation:

i was... CREATED???

(the actual verbiage and whatnot they use to talk about everything from this point forward is genuinely just breathtaking also as a side note)

it especially explains the demeanor they've had toward me throughout the game, like i kinda said earlier, very motherly overall. i felt loved. it was sincerely nice. but then it gets even more emotional frm there for me...they say this:

"When I say I want you to come with me, I mean I want to absorb you back into me. You will be returning from where you came. Your thoughts will be my thoughts again, and it will be like a dream to me. It will be wonderful…"

was given a choice.

ONCE AGAIN. OF FUCKING COURSE I HIT YES.

this part just made me tear up a little-the response i got:

"Oh, my beautiful apple. You will no longer live in this confusion of yours. You will be safe."

i basically immediately realized what was happening to me and why it was hitting me so damn hard.

...

it's basically no secret at this point (i make sure its not) that i'm, dissociative. to the extent i fucking formed 10+ people in my head about it. lol. that being said, i'm all-too familiar with what it's like to just be, broken, split apart, fractured.

Its Not Great !

i lucked out, with my system. (there's a lot to it but this dissociative disorder shit can REALLY BE TOUGH depending on a lot of circumstances. well its tough Already, but yeah) i only (at the time of writing) deal with one alter who more or less has it out for me, and the rest of us. that makes it so that i have pretty much 12 additional friends just kind of in my noggin at every given moment. it's pretty cool-things are even such a way regarding how we work that they can just talk to me and my friends rather fluidly. it can result in a lot of shenanigans.

but the road to which led them all to forming was fucking crazy and shitty. i won't go into details i guess here but dissociative disorders are most of the time traumagenic, to give you an idea. its not great, as i said earlier. theres just a lot to OSDD that i don't like, the memory issues i regularly have come to mind, along with me feeling detached from the world, other things. blegh.

that considered along with , complex (negative) feelings abt family shit considered it's probably just, obvious as hell why this scene resonates with me so much.

(had this revelation while getting screenshots for this post but the character they're hugging which i can only assume is the player looks alarmingly like one of my oldest sonas. made everything hit a lil harder for me)

i feel like a broken soul. and i yearn to be whole, again.

i don't think i would have taken up this oppurtunity irl if i was granted it given how much i do enjoy about being my own person who does things and whatnot but the thought lingers. getting to live it out to some degree thru this lil mini interactive artpiece just proved very therapeutic to me. i discovered it very early in the morning, and didnt really talk to anyone about it until after i experienced it. going through all of that solitarily, in my blue-lit room (thank you phillips for the hue bulb. Lol) just did a lot for me. i'm very, very thankful.

(should also note the same day i played the game i also took a phone call frm my mom and we talked about life stuff. it kinda hurt. to quote frm a more primitive form of this writeup "she used to bring me great comfort in my youth, during times i really needed it. complex feelings have led to a rift between us, that she can't even see. that i don't even, know if i want her to see." kinda says everything ig)

it was a nice escape from everything i'm generally going through at the moment, broadly. the process of recovery has proven to be fucking insane and full of all sorts of surprises on top of a very unpleasant yet expected amount of moments ive been faced with my absolutely, less pleasant qualities to my personality and bad habits and such. it sucks, but im at least...well i like to THINK im at least angled toward being better about shit but i don't know. i'm still learning. it's tough and i know i'm not alone when it comes to CPTSD recovery or dissociative disorder coping or bipolar disorder coping or whatever the hell else, but it really just, feels cold and solitary a lot of the time regardless. it's tough. it really is tough.

im just glad i found this little game. any sort of respite that appeals to me to that degree is just very appreciated.

i almost thought it was some strange divine shit going down in my life that led me to even stumbling upon it, the way it hit me. didn't lead to any i guess new revelations about my life or whatever, which is fine!

but. i liked it. it's nice.

i'm grateful. :)

slitherbop, if you're reading this, thank you. sincerely. from the bottom of my heart.

also plz more acid glitch parenting moment's plz (lol)

~ E.K.S.G.

[strobarium]

this is

a blog i am dedicating to the gen. exploration of outsider art, my personal experiences with seeing and making outsider art, and many things regarding my mental health. and other stuff i wanna put here too

admin'd by. Astroblur from computer. Hehe. Oup